Submit your photos at ramdiculous.com CAN you do? Fear not, oh vigilant 2. Log onto AIM (be sure to go on and buy some chocolate to help you paste together some semblance of a Included in this issue: your mind. Undoubtedly, you rush to assignment. You have wasted so much 4. Walk down to the vending machines 13. IM one of your friends about the 8. Read over the assignment again to stock market crash on American econ- requested to do for the rest of your out of 10, but what can you do? What
Term Paper Nightmare Resolution Picture of the Week Picture of the Week Picture of the Week Picture of the Week Got Balls? HAHA, you have to work… Go Rams! Saturday - Apple Harvest Festival (an apple a day...) Sunday - Festival of Deer Toes Day (do deer have toes?) Monday - Fire Prevention Day (only you can prevent forest fires) Tuesday - National Submarine-Grinder-Hoagie-Hero Day (way to make "eat a sandwich" sound important) Wednesday - Double 10th Day Thursday - Feast of Real Family Values (a time to eat the fake family values) Ramdiculous Observances Submit your photos at ramdiculous.com A Ramdiculous Page 16. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange deroga- tory remarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large. 17. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out. 18. While you've got the gum, you may as well buy a magazine and read it. 19. Check your facebook. 20. Play some solitaire. We all know that feeling of dread when we discover that our term paper for some class is due and we have yet to begin the assignment. You have wasted so much time with other, much more entertaining things that the paper, which just happens to be nearly half your grade, has slipped your mind. Undoubtedly, you rush to paste together some semblance of a passable thought on the impact of the stock market crash on American econ- omy, all while speaking only in haiku. Yet, this strategy seems to fail nearly 10 times out of 10, but what can you do? What CAN you do? Fear not, oh vigilant reader, for the Ramdiculous Page has the answer. An infallible, logical solution as to how to write any paper you may be requested to do for the rest of your collegiate career. And all in just 30 easy steps! 1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer. 2. Log onto AIM (be sure to go on away!). Check your facebook. 3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate. 5. Check your facebook. 6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work. 7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place. 8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it. 9. Check your facebook. 10. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror. 11. Grab some mp3s off of limewire. 12. Check your facebook. 13. IM one of your friends about the future. 14. Check your facebook. 15. Listen to your new mp3s and download some more. Angelo State's Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 Included in this issue: Ram of the Week 2 Movie Review 2 Quote of the Week 3 Facebook Invasion 3 Poetry Time 4 Who’s this? 4 Thoughts To Ponder 5 Brainteasers 5 Movies 8 Dante Residential 7 Colbert Cornert 5 Mythbusters 7 Parking 6 A October 5, 2007 Festival of Five Toes Day Volume 3, Issue 2 Continued on page 3
Transcript
Term Paper Nightmare Resolution
Picture of the WeekPicture of the WeekPicture of the WeekPicture of the Week
Got Balls?
HAHA, you have to work…
Go Rams!
Saturday - Apple Harvest Festival (an apple a day...)
Sunday - Festival of Deer Toes Day (do deer have toes?)
Monday - Fire Prevention Day
(only you can prevent forest fires)
Tuesday - National Submarine-Grinder-Hoagie-Hero Day
(way to make "eat a sandwich" sound important)
Wednesday - Double 10th Day
Thursday - Feast of Real Family Values
(a time to eat the fake family values)
Ramdiculous Observances
Submit your photos at ramdiculous.com
A
Ramdiculous Page
16. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange deroga-tory remarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large.
17. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.
18. While you've got the gum, you may as well buy a magazine and read it.
19. Check your facebook.
20. Play some solitaire.
We all know that feeling of dread when we discover that our term paper for some class is due and we have yet to begin the assignment. You have wasted so much time with other, much more entertaining things that the paper, which just happens to be nearly half your grade, has slipped your mind. Undoubtedly, you rush to paste together some semblance of a passable thought on the impact of the stock market crash on American econ-omy, all while speaking only in haiku. Yet, this strategy seems to fail nearly 10 times out of 10, but what can you do? What CAN you do? Fear not, oh vigilant reader, for the Ramdiculous Page has the answer. An infallible, logical solution as to how to write any paper you may be requested to do for the rest of your collegiate career. And all in just 30 easy steps!
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.
2. Log onto AIM (be sure to go on away!). Check your facebook.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.
5. Check your facebook.
6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your facebook.
10. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
11. Grab some mp3s off of limewire.
12. Check your facebook.
13. IM one of your friends about the future.
14. Check your facebook.
15. Listen to your new mp3s and download some more.
Angelo State ' s Finest Paper Since Fal l 2006
Included in this issue:
Ram of the Week 2
Movie Review 2
Quote of the Week 3
Facebook Invasion 3
Poetry Time 4
Who’s this? 4
Thoughts To Ponder 5
Brainteasers 5
Movies 8
Dante Residential 7
Colbert Cornert 5
Mythbusters 7
Parking 6
A
October 5, 2007
Festival of Five Toes Day
Volume 3, Issue 2
Continued on page 3
Rambelle of the Week
Awkwardness...
When a girl tells you that you have nice
boxers and you stare blankly in re-
sponse. Then she says, "No....really."
This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that
make a normal person feel awkward…
Submit your thoughts @ ramdiculous.com
Superbad
Anne is this weeks Rambelle of the Week, this Communications major is
smart, stunning, and has a great sense of humor. When she is not giving
speeches or hanging out with her sister, she is participating in things
around campus, most notably Phi Lamb (Sigma Phi Lambda) Sorority
and Chapter 1 (Chi Alpha), as well as attending events all over cam-
pus, such as Bull Riding and Salsa Dancing.
Although this film has been out
for quite a while, I had yet to
enjoy the awkwardness. I won't
bore you with the
overall, as un-
doubtedly, many
of you have al-
ready seen it and
formed opinions.
I will say only
this, it was enter-
taining and cap-
tured the es-
sence of adoles-
cent angst quite
well. On the whole, I enjoyed
this film and laughed frequently,
though not as much as I had
been expecting. I did find that
the film was a bit lacking for all
the hype I had heard in the time
leading up to its release, as well
as from those who had already
seen the movie. I
felt that the
unrealistic na-
ture of some
things, namely
the fake ID,
s o r t o f
stretched too
far to capture
their potential
humor points.
But, I did enjoy
the movie and I therefore will
give it a well earned, solid B.
-- Kendall T Longbottom
Page 2 Volume 3, Issue 2 Ramdiculous Page
The Weekly Journal This particular story happened back in the days when dragons roamed the earth and the grass was still green. It so happened that I was doing my daily reading of Rolling Stone magazine, when I came across an article covering the ever contradictory Live Earth concert (more on this later). The one article that stood out to me was a write up about Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine. And I quote “Being a vegan is the best possible thing you could do to reduce the effects of global warming on the environ-ment”. I just had to do a ridiculous double take. Maybe even a quadruple take.
This quote has so many points that could be contradicted. My gosh.
#1. Vegan- A vegetarian that omits all animal products from their diet. Personally I do not understand the idea behind vegetarianism. We were meant to eat animals. All kinds. Protein is a very necessary part of our every day diet. But some say that you can get all the nutrients that are present in meat in vegeta-bles. Not so true. Plants do not contain all the amino acids (“building blocks” that make up protein). A long time vegetarian will show signs of muscle atrophy- depletion of muscles due to too little protein intake.
#2. Avoiding eating animals will not reduce the amount of methane (gas, farts, flatulence, etc.). Will cows stop doing it because they get so depressed when they hear the news that people don’t like them any-more? Maybe the dairy owners will pack up shop and get the heck out of dodge. Likely thing that will happen…..
This is it for me. I hope that makes sense. I’m no trying to change people, I’m just present-ing the options…..until then, go out and eat at least 5 animals per day…no less…
—George Ferguson
Anne Smith
NEWSFLASH!!!!! Today O.J. Simpson got out on a real big bond, and he said he was sorry, so the owner
of the crap he stole told the press that he would let O.J. off the hook…..that is, if he
had not killed someone.
Michael Vick reported to the press that he wants to spend massive amounts of time in
jail because he is soooo sorry that his mommy
didn’t raise him right. He apologizes in ad-
vance to all the puppies that he will most
likely mistreat within approximately 23 days
after he gets out of jail.
Charlie Sheen got arrested for flying too close
to the airport control tower. It made the Gen-
eral spill his coffee. That bastard….
Paris Hilton is sentenced to rehab until she
becomes an old maid. And what may chance
was her response? And I quote…. “That’s
Hot!”
21. Wash your hands to get the newsprint off.
22. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.
23. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.
24. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
25. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
26. Punch the wall and break something.
27. Mumble obscenities.
28. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.
29. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.
30. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.
And that's it! The fool-proof method to writing any college paper. Now, enjoy the rest of your collegiate life, it will only come around once.
--Samuel Clemens
(Disclaimer: The Ramdiculous Page does not condone downloading pirated music of any kind, or
Quote of the WeekQuote of the WeekQuote of the WeekQuote of the Week “Take a lying fleap” “Take a lying fleap” “Take a lying fleap” “Take a lying fleap” ----Taylor SandinTaylor SandinTaylor SandinTaylor Sandin
Consumables of the
Week
Drink: Watermelon Drink
from Alfredo’s
Snack: Coffee Cakes
Make sure you have at
least one this week
Ruben Olivares
Indianapolis Colts!
Dartmouth College
WEATHER:
This Week’s Happenings
Page 3 Volume 3, Issue 2 Ramdiculous Page
Lane
Arledge
Dallas Cowboys
AJ Riddle
New England
Patriots! Television… If you want it back let us know…
When our favorite shows come back we will put
random ones here… i.e. Lost...
Continued from page 1
A man dies and goes to heaven, St. Peter is showing him around, and walks up to a house
covered in Blue and Silver and Stars and Dallas Cowboys stuff all over it, and the man
asked him who’s house is that? “That’s Tom Landry’s house” Peter said, they continued
to walk and saw a big Green and Yellow house with Packers stuff all over it, and the man
said: “that must be Vince Lombardi’s house” and St. Peter says: “nope that’s God’s
house.” -Stuart Lickteig
A Dog, a Flower, and a Marshmallow: What do they have in common?
“What do a dog, a flower and a marshmallow have in common?” This is a deep thought, something that Aristotle or Socrates likely pondered many years ago. It is a question that requires considera-tion of some of the most basic instinctual desires; and, if we were to fully understand those desires, our understanding of existence itself could be forever changed. Thus, this question of the com-monality of three seemingly dis-similar things could hold within it
the answer to everything we have ever hoped to discover. This could be the answer that unlocks a limitless understanding of our world, our psychology, and our dandruff. So what is this all pow-erful answer? What do a dog, a flower and a marshmallow have in common? I don’t know. Probably nothing. I just felt like wasting a minute of your life.
-Sir Walter Raleigh
Page 4 Volume 3, Issue 2 Ramdiculous Page
Serenading of the trees
Infestation of the bees
Being trampled by one
hundred angry goats
Perspiration from your skin
All the pain held within
And it means nothing
without root beer floats
French fries
POETRY TIME
I want to try an experiment. Think of something you really want. Think about it long and hard, make sure you visualize the object you desire clearly. Now say the name of that object aloud 5 times and turn to your left. Did the object just appear next to you? If it did, then you must be a witch. If it did not, have no fear, you're still a witch. And what do we do with witches? Well, if you believe as the great philosophers of yore, Monty Python, then we must determine whether or not you weigh the same as a duck. But of course, that is sheer lunacy. No one can weigh the same as a duck. But, all people at one time or another were children. This is helpful because, as we all know, a duck does weigh the same as a child. Therefore, because we were once children, we all weigh the same as ducks. And being that ducks are the currency for determining witch-hood, we must all be witches. Now, as we all know, being a witch is consid-ered bad form, very bad form, Peter. So what can we do to correct our witchy ways? First, we must spin around in a circle, counter-clockwise of course, and say, 'I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.' This must be done only during the witching hour of lunchtime. It will not work otherwise. After that, you must consume a diet of strict carnivorous foods like raw eggs, steaks and bunnies. Once you have eaten your fill, you must then hop on your left foot for exactly 36 seconds, and following that, on your right foot for exactly 79 seconds. Any deviation from this will cause you to still be a witch once you stop hopping, as you will have screwed up the unwitching process. If you mess up, you are destined to always be a witch. That could cause some problems later in life when you try to get that job as a door-to-door encyclopedia sales-person. Once you have become a witch less person, feel free to tell others the good news. This will help spread the virus of truth and inspire many others to follow your footsteps. And, in the end, you'll still be alive. Which is more than we can say for those of our predecessors who were deemed witches and then unceremoniously burned or drowned.
-- Enrique Poblano
A Ramdiculous PSA: Un-Witchify Yourself Now, Live Longer
Page 5 Volume 3, Issue 2 Ramdiculous Page
Thoughts To Ponder
• Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a
mouse?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because
they taste funny?
• If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
The goatee does make you look like a 'Bond' villain.
(speaking of Richard Branson, CEO of Virgin Records)
How can we make sure that on
this plane Jesus is my co-pilot.
Art by:
http://www.isthistomorrow.com/
80% of our readers prefer Colbert to Stewart
Criminal
Odds and Ends
3 Musketeers
Lil’ Condi
from Lil’ Bush
Thanks to: Jodie Hale
I E
See Except
I'll get
I'll get To it I'll get
I'll get
step pets pets
Ramdiculous Page Page 6 Volume 3, Issue 2
While walking through the parking lots on campus, I realized that a lot of students do
not know how to park very well, or they are extremely lazy… So...
Who is Stephen Colbert? Well, if you search around the interwebs, you can most certainly find any numb er of fan sites, tributes, or biographical blurbs about him. But can this truly e xplain who the man behind the name is or pay enough of a tribute to such a jugger-naut of political insight? All these questions and more shall soon be examined, but for now, we shall give a glimpse of Stephen Col-bert's biological background.
Stephen T. Colbert (the "T" stands for "Truth"…actu ally it's Tyrone) grew up in Charleston, South Caro lina, which is the cultural center of the South. Some people say Savannah, Geor gia is, but does Savannah have the Roper Hospital S chool of Practical Nursing? I don't think so!
He is the youngest of 11 children in a family of Ir ish Catholics (that explains why he has ten sibling s). Early in his childhood, Stephen learned to suppress his Southern accent, as he noticed that most Southerners were depicted as stereotypically as less intel-ligent. So in order to avoid a life of mockery, he mimicked many American news anchors.
Colbert graduated from Dartmouth in the top 47 perc ent, a great testament to average achievers the wor ld over. He majored in history there and was part of the all-male a capella group, The Sing Dynasty. It was shortly after his departu re from Dartmouth that Stephen's interest in journalism was piqued. When h e was travelling the world after graduation, he kep t a journal along the way and this was the catalyst for his passion in the journa listic arts.
In addition to his passion for journalism, Colbert was very interested in comedy and performance. He a uditioned for and was accepted to work with the Second City improv troupe in Chica go. It was here that he met other comedians such as Steve Carell, Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello. He was the understudy for Carell at S econd City and collaborated with Sedaris and Dinell o on several projects shortly after his improv career.
Most notable of his collaborations with Sedaris was the cult classic television show on Comedy Central , Strangers with Candy. The show was a parody of the after-school special and f ollowed the life of Jerri Blank, a troubled 40-some thing returning to finish high school in order to try bringing her father out of a coma. Colbert portrayed the misinformed history te acher, pseudo-mentor Chuck Noblet. Colbert's portrayal of Noblet is likened to his character on the Daily Show by his own admissi on. One of the running jokes that was a huge draw for Strangers, was that Chuck Noblet was a closet homosexual in a relationship with art teacher Geoffrey Jellineck, but their relationship is apparent to ev eryone around them.
While Colbert was on Strangers with Candy, he had already begun filming The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and soon left to pursue that endeavor full-time, though he remained a writer for Strangers with Candy. This was to become Colbert's avenue to stardom an d eventu-ally his claim to his very own spin-off in The Colbert Report.
From there, his life has gone on and he has done ma ny great things with his stardom, popularity and an ti-bear legislation. Is this the complete biography of his life? Of course not, who would want that? The highlights are all we real ly need - a glimpse of the things we value most about Stephen Colbert. This is our starting point and the first of many avenues w e shall explore in our quest to determining "Why Stephen Colbert is So Dang Awesome ."
Ramdiculous Page
Ok Ram Rugby fans, this year there are only two home
games left, so plan for them.
Saturday, December 15, 2007 (alumni game)
Saturday, January 19, 2008 (University of Texas)
Remember: new players are always welcome.
Have you ever had a dire need for a haircut… well this weekend I was. I was in a very controversial place, either get my hair cut or watch the Cowboys beat Seattle. What could I do, I had a hot date Sunday night, and had to look good, but I would never turn my back on the team. So while listening to the first quarter of the game on my radio, I looked to my right and what do I see? San Angelo’s answer to sports fans who need a haircut: Sports ClipsSports ClipsSports ClipsSports Clips. I cut the car off and walked inside the first thing I saw was a HUGE TV playing the exact game I thought I would miss. The next thing I know I am getting my haircut while watching a flat panel TV mounted in a locker, right next to my face. It was freaking awesome. Not only was the hair cut great, even better than I expected, they also hooked me up with a shampoo, with head massage, and as the “MVP,” as the call it, was completed I got a neck and back massage. Holy crap… Who’d have thought? This place was amazing, why would you go anywhere else? I just want to say that I had a great experience there and would recommended everyone should go… To check them out head over to the Academy/Best Buy center on Sherwood, and Sports Clips Sports Clips Sports Clips Sports Clips is located next to CiCi’s Pizza, and tell them the Ramdiculous Page sent you.
—Barry Badrinath
Ramdiculous Page T-Shirts? Yes, they are coming!!!
