40 Reasons Not To Start Up

Life on a burning platform

- a tech entrepreneur’s view.

Nick Pelling, Nanodome Ltd – nickpelling@nanodome.com

1. Statistically, startups are for losers.

(Startup failure rate: 80%+)

2. Your business plan sucks.

(But everyone’s far too polite to say.)

3. You’ll lose your own money.

(It’s nice having a shirt. You’ll miss it.)

4. The world changes too fast.

(i.e. your opportunity will probably vanish.)

5. UK angels won’t fund you.

(Not a serial entrepreneur? Oh dear.)

6. UK banks won’t lend to you.

(Sub-£100K turnover? Oh dear.)

7. UK VCs won’t fund you.

(Sub-£1m turnover? Oh dear.)

8. There are no grants any more.

(You’re a decade too late for those, sorry!)

9. Good ideas are worth nothing.

(Execution and sales are 50% each.)

10. Nobody at all believes in you.

(Not your partner, your children, your dog.)

11. Is your startup worth a divorce?

(Because that’s exactly how bad it gets.)

12. Web business advice is crap.

(Toxic, self-serving, superficial nonsense.)

13. TechCrunch is full of PR lies.

(Does anyone believe a word of it?)

14. Business schools know nothing.

(Will Peter Drucker help you start up? No.)

15. Nothing prepares you for this.

(Entrepreneurship? 100% misery and pain.)

16. Who’ll work for you?

(…given that you can’t pay them anything.)

17. Who’ll supply your startup?

(…given that nobody believes in you.)

18. Who’ll buy from you?

(No track record, no resources, nothing.)

19. How long will your savings last?

(and is that a wall at the end of the runway?)

20. Your graphs make me gag.

(Nobody believes graphs any more, sorry!)

21. Your market research stinks.

(You found it in the library. So it’s true?)

22. Decision-making is really hard.

(Is this the right font size? Errrmm…)

23. Your vision is just a delusion.

(Mystic Meg won’t invest in you either.)

24. Demos fail, and so will yours.

(Ground open up and swallow me, please.)

25. Call an army of one a “team”?

(Are you Leonardo da Vinci? Sorry, no!)

26. You prefer function to design.

(Hey, so guess which one actually sells?)

27. You have no sales experience.

(All entrepreneurs actually do is sell things.)

28. You’ve got a big company CV.

(Which will help you start up how, exactly?)

28. You can buy tech in, right?

(So what you do is the really hard bit? No.)

29. It worked for James Dyson.

(That’s far more nuanced than you think.)

30. It worked for Alan Sugar.

(Is he really your role model? Lord help us!)

31. The Coalition wants startups.

(Good job you’re here to save the day, eh?)

32. You hate your day job.

(But you love paying your mortgage, right?)

33. You’ve got something to prove.

(Try counselling, it’s quicker and easier.)

34. You’re hungry and ambitious.

(Most entrepreneurs are just plain hungry.)

35. The world needs your gadget.

(Oh, so you asked the world, did you?)

36. You’ve read 100 good books.

(History as written by lottery winners.)

37. You understand economics.

(Manitee husbandry is just about as useful.)

38. You’ve got great tech skills.

(Shame about the rest, though.)

39. You’ve got an MBA.

(So get a proper consultancy job, then.)

40. You see things others don’t.

(Opportunities, or dead people? Or both?)

Despite all that, there is still…

…One Reason To Start Up

(…but you’re not going to like it)

1. You absolutely have to.

The raging animal inside you won’t let go.

You come to realize: this is how it ends.

You will battle the consequences till you die.

Worse still, you know it isn’t a real reason.

But… you have no choice.

(I said you wouldn’t like it)

The End!

Thanks for listening!

Any questions?

nickpelling@nanodome.com