ASPEN ELKS LODGE #224 OFFICERS NEWSLETTER STAFF Editor: ALISON VIOLA ASPEN THE L E A F VOL XXII, ISSUE 24 apriL - May 2020 www.aspenelks.com Up cLose with lieutenant Janis Nark by Alison Viola MARK MURPHY Exalted Ruler DIANE SPICER Leading Knight JIM SALAN, PER Loyal Knight BRYAN LARSEN Lecturing Knight DEB STEIN Esquire JOHN BAKER Tiler JACK ALBRIGHT Inner Guard JULEAH MARKATOS Chaplain RICK HEAD, PER Trustee PETER KENT MCCLAIN, PER Trustee TOM MCCABE, PER Trustee MIKE HAMAN, PER Trustee JAY PARKER, PER Trustee MICHAEL FAAS Secretary TERAISSA MCGOVERN Treasurer SCOTT MARTIN Presiding Justice With the cancellation of the Disabled American Veterans Winter Sports Clinic this year, I wanted to do a feature on one of our members that is also a Veteran. I hope that you enjoy getting to know Colonel Nark as much as I have. If you haven’t met the beautiful, generous, outgoing, hardworking, Janis Nark, you are missing out! Her smile is a greeting in itself and you can’t help but smile back. Finishing nursing school in December 1969, she had been recruited into the military with the promise of going anywhere in the world, but not Vietnam, which was a strictly voluntary assignment. Well, as things go, after six months in a state side hospital as a Second Lieutenant she received orders to go to Vietnam. Initially surprised, she also knew how desperately nurses were needed and that it was her duty to go. She packed her red Samsonite luggage, said goodbye to family and friends and left in November 1970. She was 21 years old. She served for a year there and came back to the states to work at Fitzsimmons Army Medical Center in Denver, which is when she first came to vacation in Aspen and fell in love with the area. Skiing the mountains and enjoying the town, she decided then that this is where she wanted to live. Only three years later she purchased her first place here, in Aspen Village. I asked Janis about her service in the Army and she replied, “I stayed on active reserve duty with the Army and held many positions in many different specialties but found I enjoyed education the most. I managed to secure a job at the Academy of Health Sciences at Fort Sam Houston- San Antonio, Texas where I would teach every summer. I was a ward nurse, a nursing supervisor and a nursing — continued on page 3
Transcript
ASPEN ELKS LODGE #224
OFFICERS
NEwSlEttER StaFF
Editor: Alison ViolA
ASPENTHE
L E A F
VoL XXII, IssuE 24
apriL - May 2020
www.aspenelks.com
Up cLose with lieutenant Janis Nark by Alison Viola
MArk Murphy Exalted Ruler
DiAne spicer Leading Knight
JiM sAlAn, per Loyal Knight
BryAn lArsen Lecturing Knight
DeB stein Esquire
John BAker Tiler
JAck AlBright Inner Guard
JuleAh MArkAtos Chaplain
rick heAD, per Trustee
peter kent McclAin, per Trustee
toM MccABe, per Trustee
Mike hAMAn, per Trustee
JAy pArker, per Trustee
MichAel FAAs Secretary
terAissA McgoVern Treasurer
scott MArtin Presiding Justice
With the cancellation of the Disabled American Veterans Winter Sports Clinic this year, I wanted to do a feature on one of our members that is also a Veteran. I hope that you enjoy getting to know Colonel Nark as much as I have.
If you haven’t met the beautiful, generous, outgoing, hardworking, Janis Nark, you are missing out! Her smile is a greeting in itself and you can’t help but smile back.
Finishing nursing school in December 1969, she had been recruited into the military with the promise of going anywhere in the world, but not Vietnam, which was a strictly voluntary assignment. Well, as things go, after six months in a state side hospital as a Second Lieutenant she received orders to go to Vietnam. Initially surprised, she also knew how desperately nurses were needed and that it was her duty to go. She packed her red Samsonite luggage, said goodbye to family and friends and left in November 1970. She was 21 years old.
She served for a year there and came back to the states to work at Fitzsimmons Army Medical Center in Denver, which is when she first came to vacation in Aspen and fell in love with the area. Skiing the mountains and enjoying the town, she decided then that this is where she wanted to live. Only three years later she purchased her first place here, in Aspen Village.
I asked Janis about her service in the
Army and she replied, “I stayed on active reserve duty with the Army and held many positions in many different specialties but found I enjoyed education the most. I managed to secure a job at the Academy of Health Sciences at Fort Sam Houston-San Antonio, Texas where I would teach every summer. I was a ward nurse, a nursing supervisor and a nursing — continued on page 3
2 the aspen Leaf april - May 2020
Jay Parker, Exalted Ruler
Y 2015
a final message from jay parker, the exalted ruler by Alison ViolaJ
With a new team coming in, Exalted Ruler, Loyal Knight, Trustee, Secretary, Treasurer, Lodge Manager, things will be as they are in this current state of the world, the outcome unknown.
As Elks we must all come together in spirit to serve and be available however we can help those in need. Jay has always stressed this sentiment but no time has it ever been more necessary to band together for the greater cause than now.
Jay, as many of us are, is sad that the Winter Sports Clinic did not happen this year. We are all hopeful that next year we will be able to host this amazing event and allow our Veterans the experience of adventure and just being able to express themselves through the activities that the Clinic brings.
Jay was trying to figure out what to do with the items that were donated for the WSC from other lodges and with the needs of the community growing every day, maybe a hospital or a place that is distributing food and necessary items might be able to use them.
Jay is so sorry to see Kelly Beal go, she has been such a great asset to the Lodge and to him personally. She has kept him informed of things that will need to be addresses or upcoming events that he didn’t even know the Exalted Ruler is part of. We agreed that if she can manage all of us big kids, she should be great with the little ones, too. We wish Kelly the best of everything with her day care and new chapter.
Jay also wanted to acknowledge Beth and Kevin Hagerty and all that they have done for the Lodge over the years. Through their dedication and hard work many things were accomplished at the Lodge with ease and professionalism.
This has been a good year for the Lodge, we are over budget and we may exceed 1,000 members. When things get back to normal it will be even more important to come together and support programs that the Elks’ hosts. Please volunteer and be willing to learn more about how you can contribute to the causes of the Lodge and all of the community events that we sponsor. When we show our support with manpower it creates a sense of camaraderie and good will, why the B.P.O.E. was formed in the first place.
The Mountain District currently has no Risk Management Officer so Jay has thrown his hat in the ring for it. He may even help out with that position at our Lodge if the opportunity presents itself. He is also looking forward to serving as a Trustee for a term.
With things up in the air right now and the Lodge not being open on a regular schedule please make sure to look for emails with updates which are very helpful. Jay and I both hope to see you around the Lodge again soon!
Please keep these fallen Brothers and their families in your
thoughts and prayers.
Gone but never forgotten, they live on in our memories and hearts.
George Benkendorf
12/1/19
Submission DeadlineFor The Aspen Leaf: May 1
Dear Members-My heart is heavy having to give
my notice as the Lodge Manager. It has been an honor to be your Lodge Manager. I have valued being a part of your wonderful organization over the years. The impact that this Elks Lodge provides to this community is one of a kind. Thank you all for giving me the opportunity to be apart of the Elks Lodge and provide you all with a warm and welcoming place to come and enjoy.
My dream has become a reality and I am excited for my future but I will miss you all.
Take Care,Kelly Beal
a message from Kelly beal
april - May 2020 the aspen Leaf 3
Up Close from pg. 1 — instructor. I was an educator for the entire Medical Corp. I became a Nuclear Biological and Chemical Warfare Expert and I taught that at the Academy every summer for almost 20 years. I was the first female instructor the Academy had ever employed, by the time I retired, fully one-third of the instructors at the Academy were women.”
Janis became a ski instructor at Aspen Highlands which she absolutely loved and taught there from 1972 to 1984 in the winters and in the spring, summer, and fall she would work for the Army. In 1990, she was recalled to active duty to serve during what is now called the first Gulf War, it was called Desert Shield / Desert Storm at the time. She was once again on active duty, this time for nine months; “With my previous war experience haunting me this deployment seemed like a lifetime,” Janis said.
When she was working at Aspen Highlands her supervisor said, “You are not the only Officer teaching on the mountain anymore, we’ve got a retired Lieutenant Colonel Marine”. She was expecting a big, booming voiced man that she could hear across the mountain and met Dick Merritt, who with his soft but firm voice was teaching children to ski. They have been dear friends ever since. Col. Merritt helped plant the first “Nark’s Nook” sign on the run named for her.
When Janis was recalled to active duty in 1990, Dick Merritt assured her, “You will be okay, if there’s anything you need just let me know”. Just knowing that he and his wife, Pat, were thinking about her, made her feel better.
Back in Aspen, Col. Nark recalled looking out the window from Guidos and feeling touched by seeing the large American Flag flying atop the Elks’ building and thought if she were to join
an organization in town it would be the Elks. Dick Merritt was her proposer when she was initiated in 2004. She has considered serving as an officer but with her outside commitments she knew that she would not do the position justice.
Janis has found that serving the veterans is one of her greatest pleasures at the lodge. She volunteers each year with the Disabled Veterans Winter Sports Clinic. She moved through a number of different venues before she found her home at the snowshoe/cross country venue serving lunch slope side.
The Elks, the veterans, the volunteers and family members who come year after year are like family to her and she looks forward to it every year.
In the beginning she couldn’t do enough that week. She would greet the veterans at the airport for arrivals, volunteer for lunch every day and go to the dances at night. “What a treat it was to dance with so many veterans; those who were blind, injured, were amputees or paralyzed and in wheelchairs, it didn’t matter, I’d ask and they would dance with me,” she said. “Many times in those early years I would be overwhelmed with emotion, I’d go dab my tears in private then go back in with a smile. It was the least I could do for these amazing Veterans. I would strike up conversations with any Veterans that were alone or just looked like they might want someone to talk to and those were probably the most endearing conversations I’ve ever had.”
At the airport at the close of the Winter Sports Clinic, she performed many different duties from handing out food, helping on the tarmac, walking dogs, to the simple gesture of sharing a mint to start a conversation. Col. Nark feels that she got far more than she gave over the week, which is the beauty of volunteering, that feeling of satisfaction of — continued on page 5
4 the aspen Leaf april - May 2020
veterans Service committee update
Welcome fellow elks, to this edition of your Veteran Services Committee. As you know by now the National Disabled Veterans Winter Sports Clinic has been cancelled. This event that can be life changing not only for the participants but for our community as well will be sorely missed. We are in the process of working with the V.A. to send gift packages to our Veterans and remind them they’ll not be forgotten as long as the Elks exist. We look forward to serving them next year.
In some good news, Bob Cook is recovering from a near death experience, when due to a natural gas leak, his garage exploded. Bob received severe burns on numerous parts of his body, his face, hands and knees getting the worst of it. After being flown to Denver, and spending three weeks in the hospital he is now home and going through therapy. We want to give a huge shout out to his wife Marsha (SAINT MARSHA) who was with him every step of the way, and
whas made this recovery possible.In other news, your VSC is putting
together a specific program aimed at helping our Women Veterans. This is something that has been long overdue and we expect to put a lot of resources and volunteer hours in helping our Women Vets succeed. Karen Carner will lead this program.
Bryan Larsen is now in charge of our Grants Program which will help us complete numerous projects going forward. Thank you Bryan for spearheading this project.
Now for some really good news: Peg Briscoe and Mark Lee have been named as our Veterans’ Female and Male
Volunteer of the Year for our Lodge. Peg for the incredible job organizing and sending care packages to our C.O.N.G. troops serving in Afghanistan. Mark was a great choice due to his year round work with Veterans, whether it’s the NDV-WSC or raising funds for Honor Flights for Vietnam Veterans, he is ready to help any way he can.
Last but not least, I want to thank Doug Peckham for his help in all aspects with our committee over the last two years. With gratitude to all that work on the committee, your efforts are greatly appreciated, Fred
Every day is veterans day for the Aspen elks.
home of the free
because of the brave.
I’m looking forward to serving as your Exalted Ruler for the coming year, although it is hardly going to be business as usual for a while. We will resume Lodge operations as soon as it is safe to do so, however for the time being the most important thing is for us to stay apart and hopefully stay healthy. Meanwhile, our Board has been active in the search for a new Lodge Manager; we have interviewed several good candidates and expect to have a new manager in place very soon, perhaps even before you read this. With new a Lodge Secretary and Lodge Treasurer also coming on board it is going to be exciting to be part of a new era in Lodge leadership. Our staff has also been coming in to deep clean and disinfect the Lodge so that it will be ready to go when we are able to re-open.
A little bit of background on myself - I have been a member of the Lodge for 6 years and this will be my 4th year as an officer, having started out as Lecturing Knight. My wife Dyan is also an Elk and was a member before I was. We are both Purdue grads and migrated to Colorado from Indiana in the mid-80s. Growing up in the Indy area I became a big fan of Indycar racing which continues to this day, and I make a point of attending the Indy 500 every year. We have 3 grown boys in their 20s all of whom are Eagle Scouts. As our boys were going through the Scouting program I became active as an adult leader and have served as both Cubmaster and Scoutmaster for the Basalt Pack and Troop. It is actually the Lodge’s support of Scouting which attracted me to becoming an Elk. Our oldest son is a Lieutenant in the Navy’s
submarine force and currently based in the Seattle area. Our middle son is a structural engineer and volunteer with Roaring Fork Fire here in the valley. Our youngest son is a civil engineer in Portland, ME. I am an avid cyclist and participate in the annual Ride the Rockies event as well as Aspen Cycling Club races when I can (they’re on Wednesday evenings...ugh).
During my time as a member I have gotten to know some of you but there are many more Lodge members who I have not had the pleasure of meeting yet. I hope to change that once we are able to be active again. Future Exalted Ruler Mark Murphy
a message from Mark Murphy
april - May 2020 the aspen Leaf 5
1 Serna, Steve2 Gubelmann, Susan2 Lutz, Merrill E2 Miely, Kenneth2 Rydell, Gregory3 Guthrie, David3 Jordan, Larry 3 Leatherman, Robert D3 Mosher, Stephanie Ann3 Oates, Jeremie J3 Ritter, Joshua4 Fletcher, Karen K4 Haisfield, Michael5 Cassidy, Kevin5 Westerlind, Don S6 Gibbons, Gayle Lynn 7 Deane, Rick 7 Miller, Scott 7 Warming, Solveig9 Wells, Thomas E10 Beck, Michael W10 Nark, Janis10 Parker, Alec Jay11 Adlesich, Joseph11 Baker, Bruce D11 Miller, Shana
11 Stephen, David G11 Thompson, Mark12 Bain, James C12 Barabe, Carolyn Cerise12 Stutsman, David K13 Ayarza, Fred 13 LaCroix, Tim14 Baillargeon, Kim14 Havlen, Naomi14 Jernberg, Charles14 West, Duane F15 Feinberg, Johnathan15 Lacy, Darcy E16 Cunningham, Murray16 Taets, Michael T17 Haman, John C17 Pollok, Malloy Holt17 Ruggieri, Lisa18 Cooney, Tim 18 Posey, Jeff19 Aitken, Steve 19 Dahl, Peter L 20 Fitzgerald, Katherine E20 Koutsoubos, Louis20 Thorpe, Mark H21 Mandel, Robert
22 Cerise, James M22 Foerster, Cheryl23 Mullins, Patrick23 Strasbourger, Skip24 Jones, Michael24 Kelly, C Michael24 Singer MD, FACS, David J24 Wente IV, Ellsworth A25 Braisted, David F25 Gentry, Ryan 28 Bruening, Steven A28 Miller, John30 Anderson, Parker T
APrIl highlights
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30
All Fools Day Burger Night 5-8pm; Happy Hour 5-6:30pm
Taco Tuesday 5-8pm
Passover Begins
Burger Night 5-8pm; Happy Hour 5-6:30pm
Installation of Offiers
Easter Taco Tuesday 5-8pm
Burger Night 5-8pm; Happy Hour 5-6:30pm
Taco Tuesday 5-8pm
Earth Day Burger Night 5-8pm; Happy Hour 5-6:30pm; Spring Quarterly
Spring Quarterly
Spring Quarterly
Taco Tuesday 5-8pm
SUN MON tUe Wed tHU Fri SatSaturday, april 11 Installation of 2020-2021 Officers (4pm pictures, 5pm meeting, 6pm dinner)
24-26th Spring Quarterly - Denver
april birthdays
april 2020
Up Close from pg. 3 — serving. She also served on the Veteran Service
Committee for a few years but her personal commitments unfortunately didn’t allow her to go on further with that but feels it is a wonderful endeavor for our lodge to help our countries’ veterans.
When she joined the Lodge, it was busier and many of the members volunteered more often. Members were so glad to be a part of the activities, helping and serving, and she would love to see that spirit rise again in the newer members and Lodge overall.
Janis has distilled many of her life experienc-es and shares those as a Professional Speaker, “CHANGE IS MANDATORY, STRESS IS MANAGEABLE AND MISERY IS OP-TIONAL” is her trademarked slogan. I am finding it hard to move past this amazingly simple phrase as we face a global pandemic; this speaks volumes to me.
I have been inspired by getting to know Janis better through the stories she has shared with me. I am sure that some of the participants of the Winter Sports Clinic were looking forward to seeing her during that week. I know that when things get back to normal I will be volunteering more and keeping the spirit of service in my heart by her example.
I am very thankful to Col. Nark for all of her time and efforts to compose this article with me. She has many obligations and I feel honored that I was given this privilege to highlight a glimpse of her life for the newsletter.
All events and dates are tentative at this time. Emails will be sent out regarding changes to dates and times. If you do not get emails from the Lodge, please let the Lodge Secretary, Michael Faas
know at [email protected] so he can put you on the email list. Thank you for your understanding.
6 the aspen Leaf april - May 2020
SUN MON tUe Wed tHU Fri Sat 1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31
Burger Night 5-8pm; Happy Hour 5-6:30pm
Cinco de Mayo; Taco Tuesday 5-8pm
Burger Night 5-8pm; Happy Hour 5-6:30pm
Mother’s Day Dinner
Mother’s Day Taco Tuesday 5-8pm
Burger Night 5-8pm; Happy Hour 5-6:30pm
Armed Forces Day
Taco Tuesday 5-8pm
Burger Night 5-8pm; Happy Hour 5-6:30pm
Memorial Day Community Picnic
Taco Tuesday 5-8pm
Burger Night 5-8pm; Happy Hour 5-6:30pm
1 Payne, Douglas L1 Phelan, Jennifer2 Adam, Trish2 Ahern, Paul F2 Levinson, Dan3 Allen, Padraig3 Braley, Marcus3 Martinez, Tommy E3 Merkel, Anthony D4 Kanipe, Stephen J4 ryerson, Edwin W5 Einarsdottir, Thora5 Freeman, Perrin Tripp5 Schmitz, Carson5 Tucker, Timothy6 Idzior, Joseph l6 Zanin, Joseph M8 Carter, Ted R8 Green, Sam H8 Stanger, Gail 9 Shuster, J Morgan10 Ritter, David 10 Sanchez, Andy10 Stengel, Alan J10 Wolf, Thomas Andrew11 Bouchard, Jesse
11 Sulek, Wesley Christopher12 Sura, Michael G12 Tower, Charles D12 Weller, Sam13 Bellerose, Sherry13 Erickson, Alexandra E13 lord, Wallace r13 Meyers, Bert J13 Overeynder, Phil13 Schiff, Sanford M14 Becnel, Becket14 Herwick, Tim14 Peterson, Albin A15 Jasicki, Bradley J15 Ledingham, Gordon 15 Schlumberger, J Martin16 Doble, Joanna S16 Spann, James L18 Collins, Ken 18 Mc Arthur, Estelle19 Geyer, Frank W19 Peterson, Roxanne Lee19 Schumacher, B Lee20 Brabec, Daniel20 Marlow, John M21 Blackwell, Clarence A
21 Claymon, Allan22 Petrus, Robert23 Wilson, Willie24 runge, Clifford r25 Markatos, Juleah Hayes26 Levey, Alan J 27 Leydecker, Mark27 Marshall, Jeff 27 Seamans, Chip27 Whalen, ross D28 ray, W T28 Woods, ransom29 Hassall, Linda M30 Clark, Sean31 Hoch, William D
MAY highlights
Stop by the lodge on your birthday and
Get a complimentary birthday drink
Tuesday, may 5 Cinco de Mayo
Saturday, may 9 Mother’s Day Dinner
Monday, may 25 Memorial Day Community Picnic
june saturday, june 6– District Ritual Competition Members, please remember that non-food nights the Lodge is a place for you to have a social gathering with your family and friends. As always, please remember to sign all guests in and guests must depart with you as well. (Non-Food Nights are Mondays, 1st & 3rd Wednesdays every month and Saturdays.)
may birthdays
may 2020
Brian O’Neil PER and Past State President enjoying some books and history.
april - May 2020 the aspen Leaf 7
past years’ ski picnics by Alison Viola
Over 100 years ago Theodore Roosevelt said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are”. This statement could not ring truer if someone said it for the first time today. We are faced with challenges that most of us have never even imagined in our lifetime but how we meet them is the choice we have at hand.
We are learning new social norms such as social distancing and sheltering in place. Please remember to check in on people that may need a phone call or a meal. We as Elks need to rise to the occasion and pull together in this uncertain time. I look back at previous years of newsletters to reference events that we
featured and I thought I would share some fun winter picnic pictures that made me smile. Try to find the positive ways that you can use the time to help others, raise donations or give of your time for the greater cause. Stay healthy and I hope to see you all again at the Lodge in the near future.
Bennett, Jennifer Bosko, Daniel Boucher, Kenneth M Bulicz, Keith Carter, Russell Davis, Scott
Davis, Thomas E Fick, Beverly Ellen Gordon, David Haas, John L Hewitt, Justin Hext, Tom
Kaler, George Randall Kelso, Douglas Perkins, Paulette Pulliam, Christian Rawers, Scott Spalding, Anna
Van Vonderen, John M Wood, John W Wooten III, Andrew E “Andy”
Delinquent membersPlease send a check in the amount of $78.50 for DUES to the Aspen Elks Lodge, address is in the index or come in and pay
by credit card at the Lodge. If you have paid your dues but your name is showing up on the delinquent list please contact Lodge Secretary, Michael Faas, at [email protected]. If you know someone that is showing up on the list and has either moved or is unable to pay their dues, please contact Michael at the email address above with details so we can assist if possible.
Thank you to all paid members and to those who carry their cards and properly sign guests in upon entry. It is very helpful to the staff and the overall experience of our members and guests, alike. Thank you!
8 the aspen Leaf april - May 2020
The Shining Stars Disco Night was a fun filled night for many. The dance
floor was always busy and the par-ticipants of the Winter Clinic were energetic. When the group arrived, the weather didn’t look promising.
The Shining Stars coaxed the sun out and the week proved to be perfect for
outdoor fun. Cookie Ready and Kathy Gingery along with many people at
the Shining Stars Foundation gave the children the opportunity to just let go and enjoy themselves. Thank you to all the volunteers and members that helped
to make the evening and the week so memorable for these young people.
Olympian and X-Games champ Alex Ferrara was on hand to show his moves
on the dance floor, too!
Shining stars disco night
april - May 2020 the aspen Leaf 9
The PER Initiation is one of my favorite Rituals to attend. I enjoy seeing the Past Exalted Rulers working together to preform and share their collective experience for an Initiation Ceremony. I hope that the Initiates will look back and realize how very extraordinary that night was.
If you were not able to attend this special evening, the Past Exalted
Rulers that performed The Initiation Ceremony were Skip Ela PER, Gary Quist PER, Bill Wurtz PER, Kevin Hagerty PER, Pete McClain PER, Dick Miller PER, Rick Head PER, Grant Amundson PER, Stacey Stuart
PER, Jim Salan PER, Mike Haman PER, and Tom McCabe PER. The newest members of the Lodge are Arthur Haman, proposer Mike Haman; Rose Abello, proposer Kristen Kenny; Carolyn Barabe, proposer Michelle Goodhard; Stephanie Thurston, proposer Diane Spicer; and Joey Woltemath, proposer Kaitlyn Cunningham.
Frey, Jack L .....................50Schuster, Bruce .............50Carlson, Bruce ................51Merritt, Richard O .........51Moore, Thomas A .........51Nall, Daniel M ................51Vagneur, Anthony J .......51Blaul, Arthur C ..............52Bulkeley, Dick ................52
Stapleton, William A ....52Heim, William ................53Smith, Lee T ...................53Wieben, Walter .............53Cagnoni, William T ......54Deane, Rick ....................54Vail, Robert S .................54De Gregorio, Pete D ....55Demos, George S .........55
Ela, Charles S .................56Guy, Peter N ..................56Krumme, William M .....56Macfarlane, Jeff ............56Smith, Gerald G ............56Huebinger Jr, John ....... 57Stapleton, Don Neil .....57Kittle, Wyland l .............58Dillingham, Dale ...........59
Westerlind, Don S ........59Conner, Claude M ........60Maddalone Jr, Jesse .....60reese, John W ..............63Strong, John E ...............64Weaver, James r ...........64Peterson, Edwin H ........65Zanin, Joseph M ...........65Beck, Neil H ...................66
50 year members
Thank you to all who have served the Elks for fifty or more years. Your hard work and dedication have shown the rest of us the way. We honor you and appreciate all that you have done for the lodge and the Order. We will celebrate you in person as soon as it is possible.
past exalted rulers iNitiatiON night
10 the aspen Leaf april - May 2020
breaking news: Harry DeLooter made the rounds in Aspen and took off with every golf ball he could put his sticky fingers on. His nationwide crime spree touches home as many are reporting their store of golf balls has been depleted. “I was getting ready to head out of town to hit some balls and low and behold, my stash is empty”, said local golf pro Tim Splat.
His M.O. is to gain entry into the homes by claiming he is the chimney sweep. DeLooter then uses his catlike finesse to find the dimpled orbs. He puts them through a ball washer and then rebrands them to sell on G-Bay, billing them as new. Upon arrest, he admitted that he couldn’t help himself, he eats, sleeps and thinks of golf 24-7.
He has been sentenced to working in the Pro Shop for 30 hours a week upon which he will then need psychotherapy.
snowblast resident Don Naker was arrested for riding down Main Street bare back and bare bottom on his trusty steed, Lightning. Don said he has always been trapped in the stereotype that people put cowboys into and he just needed to break out. He was wearing his favorite hat, boots, a lodge pin and a very big smile as they led him to the jail. His wife Marla brought a sack of sugar cubes, the bail and an overcoat to the courthouse for them. They released Lightening but Naker had to serve community service before his release.
in other news, Rant Umbudsman was trying to break up a dispute in the alleyway behind the Lodge when he was confronted by a group in robes with shaven heads. They sang such sweet songs
that they convinced him that orange would bring out the color in his cheeks and fitted him on site. He was last seen handing out carnations in the Aspen Airport, with an ear to ear grin.
lonnie mcPhee, the renown world traveler, has knitted her way into the Guinness Book of World Records for knitting a blanket that covers all of the land masses on the Planet Earth. When asked why she undertook such a big project she responded, “It was all the extra yarn I had around, I just started one day and couldn’t stop.” Her husband Noel said he is happy because their heat bills are the lowest they have ever been. “Unfortunately, we are not able to snuggle next to each other but I know she is tucked in there somewhere and happy, so I am happy, too!”
Fake estate news update: Mogul Dark Bunt is slated to close on the Elks Building in his biggest deal in town yet. The selling price of $5,000,000,000 breaks all records to date. He wants to transform the historic Lodge building into a Tai Chi and Chai Tea Salon, sensing the need for alternatives to the dispensaries. “People want to move slowly in Aspen. If you want the big city you can head down to Glenwood Springs”. Upon closing, each member would be issued a check of the sales amount divided evenly among all Elks in good standing. Look for the email blast regarding when the checks will be ready for pick-up at the bar. Please don’t forget to tip your bartenders!
one change that we will be seeing for the 2020/2021 ski season due to
social distancing is how the line for the Asspen mountain gondola will form. Based on the data from Fail Mountain, with an epic 6 hour lift line causing more cases of BudVid-89 virus than any other location in the state, the line for the gondola will begin at the Hickory House corner and will serpentine through the core. Those violating the 6 foot rule will get their lift pass pulled and be forced to work as a ticket seller for 30 hours per week which will eventually lead to the need for psychotherapy, which is not covered by the employer’s health coverage.
in other virus related news, the need for proctologists has increased due to people using materials other than standard toilet paper for their sanitary needs. “I have been using the daily paper, it’s handy and convenient”, said Soren Hurtin. “I tried other alternatives but this seems to get the best results.” If you find that you are getting a rash from using foreign materials to wipe with please discontinue use and call an on-line doctor immediately for guidance. Doctors warn that Preparation B is not good for open wounds.
I hope that you enjoyed this edition of the fakest news on the planet and do not take any of the above articles as anything more than semi-entertainment. No animals were harmed in the creation of this fake news and any similarities to any known person are completely coincidental, unless they aren’t. At this time, a sense of humor and some good old knee bending gets me through and I thank you for playing along. Edi Tori’al
what’s not really happening in the world...FaKe NeWS aNd MOre FaKe NeWS
