Page 1
BONewsletter
BON information 2,3
Message from the
BON Co-Chair
4
Regional Reports
from Across the
Province
5-14
Additional
Upcoming Events
15-16
Camp Widow 17-18
BON Labyrinth 19
Article
Movie & Book
Review
Fall Conference
20
21-23
24-26
Join us for the homecoming…
All roads lead to Geneva Park!
September 2011
NETWORK
THERE’S NO PLACE
LIKE HOME
~ Recharge Courage ~
~ Refresh Heart ~
~ Restore Wisdom ~
IN THE FACE OF LIFE’S
TRAUMATIC LOSSES
Countdown is on!
BON 2011
Conference
October
12, 13, 14
Pre-Conference
Retreat Day
October 12
Geneva Park
Orillia
Page 2
2
Niagara Region (Haldimand, Lincoln, Norfolk
& Welland)
- Janet Devine ~ [email protected]
North West Region (Kenora, Rainy River & Thunder Bay)
(currently vacant)
Ottawa Capital Region *NEW (Lanark, Leeds & Grenville, Ottawa-Carlton, Prescott &
Russell, Renfrew, Stormont, Dundas & Glengarry)
- Holly Watson ~ [email protected]
Peterborough Region
(Haliburton, Northumberland, Peterborough & Victoria)
- Jill Sadler ~ [email protected]
Simcoe-York-Dufferin Region (Simcoe, Dufferin & Durham County north of Stouffville &
York County north of Markham & Richmond Hill)
- Janna Copeland ~
[email protected]
& Joan Kennedy ~ [email protected]
Sudbury-Sault Ste. Marie Region (Algoma, Manitoulin & Sudbury)
- Betty Ann McPherson
~ [email protected]
We greatly appreciate the support of our readers
in locating new regional representatives.
Would you be interested in joining us?
If so, please see page 3 for further information.
Bereavement Ontario Network
1063 King Street W, Suite #235
Hamilton, ON L8S 4S3
Telephone 289-339-0092
Fax (888) 766-5660
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.BereavementOntarioNetwork.ca
BON’s
Administrative Assistant
Sarah Flis
BON Regional Representatives
Belleville-Kingston Region (Frontenac, Hastings,
Lennox & Addington, & Prince Edward)
(currently vacant)
Chatham-Windsor-Sarnia Region (Essex, Kent, Lambton)
- Sonia McMahon-Comartin ~ [email protected]
Durham Region ~ formerly GTA East (east
of Don Valley Parkway incl. Durham-south of Stouffville)
- Fran King ~ [email protected]
Grey-Bruce Region *NEW - Anne Elliott ~ [email protected]
GTA West (including York, north to Markham,
Richmond Hill & Peel)
- William Cooke ~ [email protected]
Halton-Hamilton Region (Halton-Hamilton-Wentworth)
- Bev Wilson ~ [email protected]
Huron-Perth Region *NEW - Eugene Dufour ~ [email protected]
Kitchener-Waterloo Region (Brant, Oxford, Waterloo & Wellington) -
Marny Williams-Balodis ~ [email protected]
& Beth Bailey ~ [email protected]
London-St. Thomas Region *NEW (Elgin & Middlesex)
- Mary Lee Felder ~
[email protected]
Near North Region (Cochrane, Muskoka, Nipissing,
Parry Sound, Timiskaming & Timmins)
- Richard Paul ~ [email protected]
Board of Directors
Co-Chairs
Bev Wilson and Susan McCoy
Past Chair
Marilyn Hollinger
Co-Vice-Chairs
Janet Devine and Barb Thorogood
Treasurer
Grant Churcher
Administrative Assistant
Sarah Flis
Page 3
3
BON Mission Statement
Bereavement Ontario Network is a network of individuals,
groups, and organizations which, through the exchange of
ideas, resources, and energy, is dedicated to helping the
bereaved and the dying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bereavement Ontario Network (BON) is a diverse group
of organizations and individuals across Ontario that work
in the field of grief and bereavement as professionals and
volunteers.
BON provides opportunities to access, in a reciprocal
manner, the knowledge, experience, wisdom, and
sensitivity of other members in Ontario. You can use
BON to access this support for your clients and yourself.
Membership in the Bereavement Ontario Network is
open to individuals, volunteer organizations, small
business, and corporations. If your work brings you in
contact with bereaved individuals, BON can help you to
help them.
BON offers an annual conference, a directory of
members, this newsletter, website, and the services of
volunteer regional representatives. These
representatives are available to answer questions and to
refer you to available resources within your region.
About the BONewsletter
Help us to help you! The BONewsletter belongs to you! We encourage
your contributions by submitting articles, book
reviews, and audiovisual reviews. Let us know about
news in your region, any upcoming events, as well as
your comments and suggestions. Tell us about a
great website that we can share with everyone in
the BON “Network” across Ontario.
We will accept previously published articles that are
accompanied by written permission to reprint.
BON reserves the right to edit all contributions for
clarity, punctuation, spelling, grammar and syntax.
The BONewsletter is published four times a
year. January, May, September & November.
Deadline for the Post Conference edition is
Friday, November 4. Please submit on time.
Please send your submissions via email to: [email protected]
Newsletter Editor: Janet Devine
Newsletter Distribution: BON Office
BON Regional Rep
Job Description
BON Regional Representatives are the face of BON in the 16 Regions of Ontario.
With the members of their region, they provide the vital service of finding and connecting people involved in bereavement
care and education in their part of Ontario. They bring the news of BON to its members and the ideas and concerns of its
members to the Board. Regional Reps help members get to know one another and share news (conferences, workshops,
new books, and highlights) with one another. They find ways to connect members of the public with the services of local
BON members. As the annual conference approaches, they ensure members and member organizations are aware of all of
the ways to participate, attend and enjoy the conference to the fullest. Regional Representatives ensure that the Network
that is BON is a vital force of connection to the people and resources that care for those who mourn in Ontario. Regional
Representatives are part of the BON Board and attend in-person (currently once-a-year + conference) and Skype
conference calls (as needed). Board members are able to attend the annual conference at cost. Being a Regional
Representative provides an opportunity to make a real contribution to the grief, loss and bereavement work in one‟s region
and the province. You become part of a team of dedicated, passionate and visionary care providers. It is rewarding work.
We would like to know whether this is something that might interest you individually or as a team and if not - if you could
help put us in touch with some possible candidates in your region.
Thanks, Janet Email: [email protected]
There are openings available for Regional Representatives for the following Regions:
Belleville-Kingston Region and North West Region.
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Welcome to the BON newsletter. I feel at crossroads as summer gently unwinds and fall enters in quietly. Which season to
address in this newsletter? Pondering both, I am struck by the importance of networking as the conference BON proudly
presents is just around the corner. As seasons overlap, so do we in our vocation of life. The conference planning committee‟s
work these past few months has been, well, in one word, remarkable. We hope summer has treated you well, and we
welcome you to fall, the re-emergence of networking together, the retreat we all seek in Orillia, the essence of home we all
seek and find with each other. Thank you to Janet Devine for her talents in creating this newsletter, thank you to all our
members for continuing to support each other. I hope you find meaning and purpose in the relationships we foster in BON,
welcome, and enjoy reading.
Message from the Co-Chair
N nurturing
E education
T talking
W workshops
O opportunities
R resources
K knowledge
I inspiration
N newsletter
G growth
All of us are pursuing a life full of purpose and meaning.
Our philosophy of life speaks to the belief system we base our thoughts and actions on, a system of values by
which we live. Swami Krishnananda, a highly respected philosophical writer, states, “The discovery of the ultimate meaning
and essence of existence is the central purpose of philosophy. It is the art of the perfect life, the science of reality, the
foundation of the practice of righteousness, the law of the attainment of freedom and bliss, and provides a key to the meaning
and appreciation of beauty”.
I believe that we who work in the area of grief and bereavement seek to honour this philosophy, this quest for meaning, by
extending our belief system to others. Death often throws the bereaved into a world of questioning their purpose, their
identity, their quest for meaning of a new life while in the valley of despair. We gently reach into their world and seek to
stabilize their thought process through support, understanding, education, and healing modalities. Insight into this process
comes from our own experience, our own awareness of what the journey of grief entails.
Which begs the question, who are we? We are support workers, health care professionals, academic achievers, research
junkies, complimentary therapy practitioners, holistic healers, professional counselors, and so on. We seek to blend our
philosophy of life with others seeking the same. These others in our life are our coworkers, our teachers, our support group
members, our students, our community. This is our reality, our chosen area of work becomes a woven fabric of intricate
connections to life, to people, and ultimately perfects the quest for a purposeful and meaningful life.
Life is not meant to be experienced in a solitary existence. We are people, we reach out to others, share
ideas, activities; relationships become enriched through connection to each other. I have addressed this in our
meaning of life, our chosen field of work, and I must underline that in its most simplest form, we are indeed
networking. The term networking is traceable to the early 16th century, it indicates a web of connections
that link objects, institutions, and/or people.
The Bereavement Ontario Network prides itself in networking. With social networking all the craze these
days, the ability to connect with others has been magnified tremendously.
I encourage you to honour the basic instincts we have as humans, to seek out relationships that parallel our
philosophy of life.
The best definition of networking I found is, To cover with, as if with an openwork fabric or structure.
How wonderful is that! Let us keep doing this together! Bev Wilson
The Art of Networking
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Hospice Kingston is again offering a six-week adult bereavement support group from October 18th to
November 22nd, 6:30 pm to 8:00 pm, to be held at 36 Barrie Street, Kingston. Hospice Kingston is also
partnering with the Kingston Seniors Association, offering a Coffee & Chat, informal drop-in for the
bereaved from 10:00 am to 11:30 am, every third Tuesday of each month, beginning September 20th.
Bereaved Families of Ontario, Kingston, is offering a Mother‟s Night, starting September 13th at 6:30 pm, inviting all mothers who have lost a child.
Hospice Prince Edward is offering bereavement support groups for women, children, as well as a men‟s group, beginning October 17th.
James Reid Funeral Home offers ongoing public information evenings every first Monday of each month. October‟s
topic is “coping with intense emotions of grief”. They also offer short-term individual grief support and a bereavement
walking group at Lemoine Point Conservation area.
Respectfully submitted by Barb Hogenauer
Retiring Belleville-Kingston Regional Representative
Belleville-Kingston Region
News From Across The Regions
Chatham-Windsor-Sarnia Region
The Suicide Prevention and Education Committee in Chatham-Kent (SPECCK) organized an Awareness Walk and Memorial
Vigil on World Suicide Awareness Day, Saturday, September 10th, 2011. The gray sky and rain was replaced by the sun and
blue sky prior to our walk getting under way at 11:00 am. Approximately 40 people, both adults and children, joined in to
break the silence and break the stigma about mental illness and suicide.
Each participant was given a yellow kite to write a message and/or the name of
loved one(s) remembered. These kites were carried throughout the walk, and at
the vigil we were all joined together, holding kite string, symbolic of our unity and
determination to make a positive difference. Some participants shared their
stories of loss, but weaved within each message, was also a beacon of hope.
This event was very meaningful, and one that the committee plans to hold again
next year.
BON member Audrey Stringer has just
released her second book
Scaling The Mountain of Grief.
Visit Audrey‟s website for further info at
www.astringofhope.com
Respectfully submitted by Sonia McMahon-Comartin
Chatham-Windsor-Sarnia Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
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Durham Region (formerly GTA East)
Please Note - Durham Region consists of the following local municipalities: the city of Pickering, the town of Ajax, the town
of Whitby, the city of Oshawa, the municipality of Clarington, the township of Uxbridge, the township of Scugog and the
township of Brock.
Durham Hospice
~ Monday Night - A Daughter’s Grief Group (6:30 - 8:30 pm) September 26th - November 28th, 2011
~ Wednesday Day - Daytime Spousal Loss Support Group (1:00 - 3:00 pm) October 12th - December 14th, 2011
~ Wednesday Night - Bereavement Volunteer Training (5:45 - 9:00 pm) ) October 12th - December 14th, 2011
~ Thursday Night - Evening Spousal Loss Support Group (7:00 - 9:00 pm) October 13th - December 15th, 2011
For more information go to www.durhamhospice.com or to apply to become a volunteer, please contact Rachelle Blum,
Bereavement Care Coordinator, at [email protected] or call 905-240-4522 ext. 121.
McIntosh-Anderson-Kellam Funeral Home, Oshawa
~ Bereavement Support Group Seminars with Dr. Bill Webster at Kingsview United Church, 505 Adelaide Avenue East,
Oshawa, 7:00 - 8:30 pm, October 24th - November 28th, 2011
W.C. Town Funeral Home, Whitby
~ 8 Week Bereavement Support Group on Wednesdays, 7:00 - 9:00 pm from September 21st to November 9th
Hearth Place Cancer Support Centre, Oshawa
~ Namaste Grief Support Group: 8 bi-weekly sessions, starting Tuesday, October 25th from 7:00 - 9:00 pm for those who
have lost a loved one to cancer. Tom Easthope facilitates and provides both educational and emotional support. It is
recommended that participants be at least three months bereaved before joining the group.
~ Kids Connection - led by Donna Cuthbertson, 8 sessions starting September 8th, 6:00 - 7:30 pm, for children aged 7-12
who are coping with the illness of a loved one with cancer.
The Pediatric Cancer Family Support Drop In meeting, for those families affected by childhood cancer, will be held
September 22nd, 6:00 - 8:00 pm. If you or anyone you know is dealing with childhood cancer, please let them know about this
wonderful new program. Call 905-579-4833 or go to www.hearthplace.org.
11th Annual Hospice Palliative Care Conference “Fitting the Pieces Together”
October 20th, 2011, 8:45 am - 4:00 pm, Ajax Convention Centre; Organized by the Palliative Pain and Symptom Management
Consultation Service, Durham Region. Contact [email protected] for further information.
“Hope & Healing for Survivors of Suicide Loss”
Here is the website to download a copy of a new CMHA booklet “Hope and Healing for Survivors of Suicide Loss”. I was
asked to review it last year when it was in production and am extremely pleased to see it in print.
http://knowledgex.camh.net/amhspecialists/resources_families/Documents/hope_and_healing.pdf
Hearth Place 5K Walk/Run, Sunday, October 23rd, 2011 ~ Special Request from Fran
Hearth Place is a support centre located in Oshawa where cancer patients and their families can come and share their
experiences, find resources and discover new ways to care for themselves and each other. As a drop-in centre in the comfort
of a homelike atmosphere, Hearth Place is committed to providing community support for patients and their families dealing
with cancer, at no charge. They offer peer support, information, a resource centre, wellness programs, ongoing lectures and
discussion series as well as programs for children and teens.
Hearth Place Cancer Support centre is my favourite charitable organization and I have been involved with this amazing place
since well before it opened its doors in 1997. I have seen how magical a place it is and how important a role it plays in the
lives of those who are dealing with cancer.
I will be participating in a fundraiser for Hearth Place on Sunday, October 23rd and am asking for your
support. You can go to the following to make a donation:
https://www.runningroom.com/dashboard/donations/findathlete.php and search my name
(Fran King) and then click the link to me Thank you so much!!!
Respectfully submitted by Fran King
Durham Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
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Grey-Bruce Region (formerly Grey-Bruce-Huron)
I am pleased to be the new representative for the newly realigned region of Grey/Bruce.
BON membership in this area is quite low at 3, so getting the word out and recruiting members, with the focus of increased
coordination and enhancement of bereavement related services, are my primary tasks for 2011.
Victim Services of Bruce, Grey & Owen Sound is offering 2 excellent workshops in November at the Bayshore Arena,
Owen Sound:
1. November 14 & 15 - Suicide Awareness: Prevention, Intervention and Postvention - for service providers -
$90.00
2. November 14 (evening) - Grief After Suicide: Finding Hope and Healing - for those who have lost someone to
suicide - free
Both workshops are facilitated by John (Jack) Jordan, a licensed psychologist in private practice in Wellesley, MA, and
Pawtucket, RI, who specializes in working with loss and bereavement. He was also the Founder and the Director until 2007
of the Family Loss Project, a research and clinical practice providing services for bereaved families. He has specialized in work
with survivors of suicide and other losses for more than 30 years. As a Fellow in Thanatology from the Association for Death
Education and Counselling (ADEC), Jack maintains an active practice in grief counselling for individuals and couples. He has
run support groups for bereaved parents, young widows & widowers, and suicide survivors, with the latter running for over
13 years.
Call 1-888-577-3111 or email [email protected] by October 7, 2011 to register.
Please distribute this information amongst your networks and forward to anyone who might be interested.
Please let me know of any events in our area and if you know someone who would be interested in becoming a member.
Respectfully submitted by Anne Elliott
Grey-Bruce Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
Warm September greetings from GTA West Region. I hope that the summer months allowed for some fun and refreshment
for you and your loved ones. Our family enjoyed time in Chatham-Windsor-Sarnia Region at a cottage near Rondeau
Provincial Park on the beautiful shores of Lake Erie. While we were there, Monarch butterflies, those marvelous masters of
transition, were emerging and preparing for their journey south. We found them to be a great source of encouragement as
we planned for our own transitions of returns to school and fall activities.
GTA West members recapped the fall and winter and looked forward to the 2011-2012 season with a summer newsletter
that was mailed out to all GTA West members mid-August. Included was an invitation for members to help with our monthly
e-news, Local Heroes workshops and membership tasks. If you would like a copy of our summer newsletter - send me an
email.
GTA West members are kicking off the fall season with a corn roast and BBQ at my home on
Thursday, September 22nd, 5:30-8:00 pm. Please RSVP at [email protected] .
We are looking forward to BON‟s annual conference. GTA members are encouraged to be in touch
with me to arrange car-pooling to and from Geneva Park.
Over the summer, I reviewed our highly successful Local Heroes workshop series with Turner and
Porter Funeral Homes, one of our lead sponsors for the inaugural season. We‟re delighted that
Turner and Porter will be one of our sponsors for the 2011-2012 season. We‟re planning a first workshop for November so
stay tuned.
See you at Geneva!
Respectfully submitted by William Cooke
BON GTA West Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
Sunset at Rondeau
GTA West Region
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Hamilton-Halton Region
As a long time resident of this community, it is a pleasure to network with members as we witness
the growth that the bereavement field has displayed. This area is rich in resources and we encourage
you to come aboard and become a member. Together we will foster friendships, strengthen
relationship building, and improve communication within our discipline. BON members have the
liberty of promoting their community events on the website, a strong networking link for sure.
Please do not hesitate in any way to contact myself as area representative.
The Hamilton Burlington Bereavement Network
Meets every other month, members include representation from Bereaved Families of Ontario,
Friends in Grief, Local Funeral Homes, and those working or volunteering in the field of grief and bereavement.
Informal, no cost, wonderful networking, and support to each other.
Contact 905-574-5070
Friends in Grief (FIG)
Support groups - Weekly and Monthly groups: Spousal loss, men‟s grief, loss related to suicide. Adult groups, support
to the elderly (New!)
Volunteering - Office, recruitment, fundraising, newsletter, community events, socials, and more
FIG office - 905-318-0059 or www.friendsingrief.ca
Respectfully submitted by Bev Wilson
Hamilton-Halton Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
Huron-Perth Region (newly realigned region)
Reflections on the tornado that hit Goderich, Huron County
There is no place like home...until a tornado comes and destroys it!
I had the privilege of providing some educational sessions and debriefings to residents of Goderich who lost
their homes in a tornado a few weeks ago. The residents experienced a wide range of feelings of loss and
disorientation. There was one fatality in the tornado and they mourned the loss of this person and sent
prayers and support to his family. The residents were terrible saddened by this loss but thankful that not
more people were killed or seriously injured. There was a tremendous amount of survivor guilt...why my neighbor‟s
house and not mine!!! Why am I cutting my grass while my neighbors are sifting through their destroyed house looking for
underwear?
Goderich is known as the prettiest town in Canada and the residents soon learned that it was not just the heritage buildings,
majestic trees and soothing lake view that made Goderich so special. The reaction to the tornado reaffirmed that what makes
Goderich so special is the resiliency of its residents and their total commitment to community. The residents also talked
about the response from people and organizations from all across Ontario and described it as feeling like being “hugged by a
big brother”.
Many of the residents that I spoke with explained that the tornado taught them that “home” is that special place that we
create in our heart and soul that holds the essence of life...relationships. So when a disaster hits and destroys our physical
homes we have our relationships that allow us to make sense of the disaster and get back to living.
I had an opportunity to meet with about 80 teachers on the Wednesday before school started to help them prepare for what
the children might express in those first few weeks of school. The teachers‟ approach was that this tornado is a “teachable
moment” on what we do as individuals, families and as a community to get through difficult times.
I also took away some gems from this experience:
~ despite what the trauma is, people need an opportunity to ventilate their feelings and then have a compassionate person
validate those expressed feelings ~ all types of caring relationships are the key to getting through a crisis ~ we all need a safe
place to land, but home is that special place that we create in our hearts that welcomes and nurtures relationships ~ the
metaphor of “being hugged by a big brother” is a great image to use when planning a response to a grieving person, family or
community.
Respectfully submitted by Eugene Dufour
Huron-Perth Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
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Kitchener-Waterloo Region
We continue to believe strongly in the power of networking, and the reality that it “takes a village” to support the bereaved .
Given that belief, much time has been spent over the last six months reaching out to our local network and introducing
ourselves as the BON Regional Representatives for Kitchener-Waterloo.
There are so many wonderful grief and bereavement organizations and individuals in our area, but we know that we have only
scratched the surface in getting acquainted with everyone! We will continue reaching out to our community and seeking new
BON members. If you know of anyone that might be interested in becoming a member of BON, we would appreciate hearing
from you.
As part of our networking initiatives, we have become the facilitators and organizers of the local Bereavement Breakfast
Group. This is a group of individuals that meet once a month to share information and resources in our community. We
meet on the 4th Thursday of the month (September through June) and always welcome new members.
In August, we also attended Camp Widow 2011 in San Diego, California. What an amazing conference! We made some
wonderful new contacts, and will be encouraging people to attend next year‟s conference (on two coasts). Our personal
reflections from Camp Widow are presented later in this newsletter on pages 17 and 18.
Finally, we are excited about presenting at the upcoming BON Conference in Orillia. Our workshop, “Finding Hope in
Widowhood”, will provide attendees with practical strategies that can be utilized in helping a widowed person lessen their
overwhelming reality. Discussion topics will include parenting the grieving child, re-adjusting relationships, and strategies for
self-care.
We would love to hear from past and current members of BON in our region. Any feedback and ideas you would be willing
to share would be appreciated. What you have liked (and disliked), what has worked (and not worked) and what you would
like to see in the future would be most helpful. Our email addresses are listed below - please don‟t hesitate to contact either
one of us. Let‟s work together to increase our reach within the region!
Here’s what’s happening in and around our region -
~ The City of Kitchener offers Peer Support for Older Adults experiencing times of transition in their lives. Support
Groups are available at Rockway Centre and The Downtown Community Centre for adults 50+ going through a time of grief,
caregiving for a family member or friend, divorce, pre-retirement and social interaction. All groups are free though
registration is required. Groups run various times from October to June. Call Wendy at 519-741-2576 for more info.
~ Bereaved Families of Ontario - Midwestern Region Fall 2011 Support Groups
Parents Grieving the Death of a Baby (registration currently open)
Parents Grieving the Death of a Child (registration currently open)
Widow/Widower with Dependent Children (registration currently open)
Grandparents Grieving the Death of a Grandchild (registration currently open)
Healing Little Hearts (preschoolers ages 3-6) (registration currently open)
Subsequent Pregnancy after Loss (registration currently open)
~ Bereaved Families of Ontario - Midwestern Region Fall 2011 Information Sessions
Understanding Grief
Grief in the Workplace
These groups and information sessions are typically held at the BFO Office, 103-678 Belmont Ave West, Kitchener, ON.
There is no fee to participate. For more information or to register, contact BFO at 519-603-0196 or email
[email protected] .
Also, coming in November - Facilitator Volunteer Training - to sign up or for more information contact Laura at
519-603-0196 or [email protected] .
Respectfully submitted by Marny Williams-Balodis and Beth Bailey
Kitchener-Waterloo Regional Representatives
Email: [email protected] (Marny) and [email protected] (Beth)
Beth (left) & Marny (right) at Geneva Park 2010
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Mary Lee is the new Regional Representative for the London-St. Thomas Region. In 2010 Mary Lee
graduated with her BA majoring in Thanatology, minoring in psychology from King‟s University College,
UWO. The same year she also completed her Certificate in Death Studies with Dr. Alan Wolfelt. The
previous year, 2009, she graduated with distinction from the Grief and Bereavement Certificate Program
at King‟s. Presently, Mary Lee is taking part-time studies toward her BEd. at Brock in Adult Education.
In the fall of 2011 she intends to write ADEC‟s comprehensive exam to receive her CT designation.
Mary Lee joined BON and attended her first conference in 2010. In September, Mary Lee plans to open
her own office in Strathroy to offer Grief and Transition assistance to individuals experiencing change
and loss, through utilization of Alan Wolfelt‟s companioning principles.
Here’s what’s happening in the London-St. Thomas Region -
Serenity House Hospice, St. Thomas
~ Drop-In Grief Group, 2nd and 4th Tuesday of each month, 4:00 - 6:00 pm in the Community Room, Elgin Mall
~ One-to-One Support, available on a weekly basis at the Resource Centre
~ Kids Grief Camp (5 to 12 year olds) ran successfully this past August and will run again during the 2012 March Break
in St. Thomas
~ Pathway to Serenity, new group starting September 29th and then another will begin in January 2012
~ Visit http://www.serenityhousehospice.ca for full description of services
5th Annual Nick Knapp Golf Tournament held at Wardsville
Golf Club on “World Suicide Prevention Day”.
Pictured right to left
Bell representative Brian Morris, Penny Knapp (Nick‟s mother) and
Tim Lozon from the Chatham Regional Office.
Penny was presented with $5000 from Bell‟s 5 year commitment to
mental health. Penny is holding the framed certificate presented to
“Survivors of Suicide Loss” in honour of Nick Knapp.
New book coming out in January!
Darcy Harris, Ph.D., FT, Professor and Thanatology Coordinator, Department of Interdisciplinary
Programs, King‟s University College, London, Ontario.
Darcy is also presenting at this year‟s Pre-Conference. See page 25 for further details.
The London-St. Thomas Region is an area rich in bereavement resources. Over the coming months I look forward to
connecting with all current BON members in this area as well as former members. We have lots to share with one another!
Respectfully submitted by Mary Lee Felder
London-St. Thomas Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
London-St. Thomas Region
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Near North Region
From North Bay, Near North Palliative Care Network’s (NNPCN) Nathalie Leclair reported that this spring NNPCN
was able to run two concurrent 7-week session Grief Support Groups. This allowed them to service clients who had been on
their waiting list. Throughout the 2011-2012 winter they will be revising their bereavement training as well as rebuilding their
bereavement committee to include more community partners. On December 11, 2011 at 7:00 pm NNPCN will be hosting
the Worldwide Candle Lighting Ceremony: Candles for the Children at the Cassellholme Auditorium in North Bay. For more
information call 705-497-9239.
In Bracebridge, Hospice Muskoka’s Sandra Winspear reported plans for running a Grief and Bereavement Support Group
in the fall for residents of South Muskoka. It will be held in Bracebridge at their office at 29 Manitoba St. but dates are not
confirmed as of the deadline for the BONewsletter. However, if people are interested they could check the website
www.hospicemuskoka.com as it will be posted there as soon as dates are confirmed or they could simply call the office at
705-646-1697 to be included in the group or to find out more information. For the next BONewsletter Sandra is excited to
share a unique 30-hour training program for volunteers who wish to just do grief and bereavement support (versus end-of-life-
care that many Hospice Volunteers provide). It is close to its final draft along with a facilitator‟s manual that has been created
by the staff and volunteers of the 6 hospices in North Simcoe Muskoka and Jana Copeland, the Spiritual Care Coordinator for
the North Simcoe Muskoka Palliative Care Network.
The Hearst Palliative Care Resource Team is set in a French community so they do their activities mostly in French or
bilingually. The Director of Patient Services, Nicole Rivest, recapped the past year. They held a Grief Support Program for 7
weeks (end of October till beginning of December 2010). They also had a „scrapbooking workshop of memories‟ for the first
time on November 21st. On December 12th they had a Candle Ceremony to support the bereaved. As they had no names
of people looking to join their May 2011 Grief Support Group they are planning to do promotion of the group and they should
have more to report for the next BONewsletter. If people need more information contact Nicole Rivest at 705-372-2910 or
email [email protected] .
Richard Paul of Paul Funeral Home, Powassan has been getting repeated requests for a support group to assist people
who have had a loved one die from traumatic circumstances such as homicide and suicide. This year‟s BON Conference offers
workshops on both suicide and homicide support groups. Richard is signed up for the workshops focused on these two area
of bereavement and is looking forward to incorporating what he learns into a support group for the Powassan area in January
of 2012. In the meantime the annual Holidays and Grief Seminar he has been presenting for 24 years will be run November
29th in Port Loring and November 30th in Powassan. For more information call 705-724-2024 or email
[email protected] .
Respectfully submitted by Richard Paul
Near North Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
Editor’s Note - Richard is the 2011 Chair of the BON Annual Fall Conference.
Read Richard’s book review of The Mourner‟s Dance on page 22.
Author Katherine Ashenburg will be the Conference Opening Night Plenary Speaker.
See pages 24 to 26 for conference details!
Conference Sponsorship Opportunities
Would you be interested or know of someone who might like to sponsor
a Plenary Presentation, Workshop, or other portion of this conference event?
Sponsors will be publicized in the Conference Brochure and during the Conference.
You will also be entitled to a tax receipt.
For further sponsorship information please contact 2011 Conference Chair Richard Paul at
[email protected]
Thank you! See you at the homecoming!
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The Niagara Bereavement Resource Council meets four times a year for the purpose of networking and sharing. The
Council brings together a richly diverse group of individuals, organizations and service groups whose focus is to provide
bereavement care in the Niagara area. Fall meeting dates are September 21 and November 16. These are lunch meetings,
noon until 1:30 pm, and are held at Hospice Niagara, Ontario Street, St. Catharines. Anyone who would like more
information on BRCN may contact coordinator Emily Vaughan @ 905-680-6400/email [email protected] or chair
Janet Devine @ [email protected] . BRC Niagara is a longtime member of BON and encourages all BRC members to
join the BON family. Visit www.brcniagararegion.org for further information.
The BRC Niagara’s 25th Annual Bereavement Education Day will be held on Friday, April 27th, 2012. Stay tuned for
exciting details in the next BONewsletter.
Other items of interest in the Niagara area:
George Darte Funeral Chapel sponsored 2 events in May featuring Alan Wolfelt with registration proceeds donated to
the Bereavement Resource Council of Niagara. Many thanks to George Darte Funeral Home and staff for the success of this
well attended community event.
Morse & Son Funeral Home (Niagara Falls) and Morgan Funeral Home (Niagara on the Lake)
Niagara Falls Spousal Loss Groups (held at the Morse & Son Family Centre beside the funeral home), Wednesdays,
1:30 to 3:00 pm, September 28, October 5, 12 , 26 & November 2. Niagara on the Lake Spousal Loss Groups (held
at the Palliative Care Office, 120 Byron Street), Tuesdays, 2:00 to 3:30 pm, October 18, 25, November 1, 15.
Young Spousal Loss (held at Morse & Son Family Centre) for those who are still working and possibly have children
living at home, Tuesdays, 7:00 to 8:30 pm, September 27, October 4, 11.
Next Step Groups - for those who have attended a previous support group or whose loss is over one year - Niagara
Falls has lunch the last Thursday of the month, Niagara on the Lake has lunch and an activity the 3rd Thursday of the
month.
One Night Session - Adult Loss of Parent - November 9 - 7:00 - 8:30 pm, Family Centre
One Night Session - Loss of Child - October 26 - 7:00 - 8:30 pm, Family Centre
Handling the Holidays - November 23, 2:00 - 3:30 pm, Niagara Falls Family Centre; December 6, 7:00 - 8:30 pm,
Niagara Falls Family Centre; November 22, 2:00 - 3:30 pm, Niagara on the Lake, Palliative Care Office
Holiday Memorial Service - Tuesday, November 29, 7:00 pm
Morse & Son is pleased to offer several seminars in partnership with Daval Hospice - contact Marny Atkinson at
[email protected] for further information
Hospice Niagara, St. Catharines ~ visit their website at www.hospiceniagara.ca for info on their fall bereavement
support groups/programs or contact Melissa Penner, Bereavement Advisor at [email protected] or
905-984-8766 ext 233.
Special Note - Hospice Niagara’s 2011 Teen 2 Teen: My Grief Story
The Teen 2 Teen retreat is a one-day event supported by the Branscombe Family Foundation for teens (ages 14-19) to meet
other teens and share stories while learning about strategies for dealing with grief. The retreat will take place at Camp
Wetaskawin in St. Catharines on Thursday, October 13th from 9:00 am to 3:00 pm. There is limited space available and
priority will be given to teens who have not previously attended. The deadline to submit your registration form is Thursday,
September 15th. Participants will be accepted on a first come, first served basis. Registration forms are available online at
www.hospiceniagara.ca.
On a really Special Note! Congratulations to Hospice Niagara‟s Bereavement Advisor Melissa Penner
on her upcoming maternity leave. Best wishes from all of us!
As a final note I would love to hear from potential BON members in the Haldimand-Norfolk area!
Respectfully submitted by Janet Devine
Niagara Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
London-St. Thomas Region Niagara Region
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Peterborough Region
Hello Fellow Members; Fall is approaching and things are changing. It is the start of a new year! Various programs are starting
up again for fall in our region to support grieving individuals or to provide education.
Here are a few highlights that may benefit you or your clients:
Hospice Peterborough hosts Emerging Issues in Hospice Palliative Care - Friday, November 4, 2011, 8:30 am -
3:30 pm at the Peterborough Golf and Country Club. For more info call Hospice Peterborough at 705-742-4042 -
www.hospicepeterborough.org for full information.
Living Until You Die Series - held at the Peterborough Public Library, 345 Aylmer Street North, 7:00 - 8:30 pm
Session #1, Advance Care Planning, How do we prepare? Monday, September 19, 2011
Session #2, From we to me: the challenges of budgeting and living on my own, Monday, November 21, 2011
Building of a Labyrinth Garden - join us Saturday, October 1st at 112 McLaughlin Road, Lindsay to help build a
community labyrinth garden. A joint project between United Way and Fleming College. Call Hospice Kawartha Lakes for
more info at 705-324-7323, ext. 501.
The conference will be here in no time and I hope to see each of you there so that we can meet face to face.
Don‟t miss this great event!
Respectfully submitted by Jill Sadler
Peterborough Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
North West Region - at the moment there is no Regional Rep.
We would love to hear from BON members in this area!
Ottawa Capital Region
I am sure everyone reading this can identify with how incredibly humbling it is to accompany others on their grief and
bereavement journey. Little did I know that by pursuing a Nursing Specialty in Hospice Palliative Care 10 years ago, I would
discover the complex yet intrinsic world of Thanatology. This path becomes clearer every time I pay attention to the
signposts, and I am led in certain specific directions. Currently my inner voice is telling me I should do my best to represent
BON in the Ottawa area. It just feels right. We are in exciting times here in “The Valley”. There is growing interest in
connecting resources for bereavement support. Our bereavement committee here where I work at Friends of Hospice
Ottawa has just developed the first comprehensive Grief and Bereavement Services Manual in Ottawa. We have a thriving
Care and Share Walk 2 Saturdays a month, and are in the planning stages for a Grief and Bereavement Group. Most exciting,
we are going to have a Grief and Bereavement Retreat on September 28, 2011, at no cost to clients. This will echo our
Caregiver Day-Away, which is when we take caregivers away to Galilee, a peaceful retreat in Arnprior. Some of our clients
who went as caregivers are coming to the September Retreat to work through their grief, so it is a very special event.
Ottawa has a wealth of grief support services, but I believe we could work together more to provide support to those who
have experienced loss in the Champlain area. It is my hope that as BON rep I can increase membership, and bring together
more support providers and enhance the services for all. Please feel free to contact me directly to discuss any of the
initiatives. If we can form a BON bond in this community, with regular meetings to dialogue and share, the support can only
get better!
Other items of interest in the Ottawa area:
~ Dundas County Hospice - September 24, 2011, 9:30 - 2:30 pm, Maggie Callanan, author of Final Gifts - Winchester,
Ontario - for further info/registration contact Jan Clapp at [email protected]
~ St. Paul’s University, Ottawa - Stephen Jenkinson, all day workshop preceded by his film Griefwalker - for further info/
registration visit www.makinghumanculture.com or contact Anne Pitman at 613-761-1424 or www.annesyoga.com
Respectfully submitted by Holly Watson
Ottawa Capital Regional Representative
Email: [email protected]
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Greetings from the Simcoe-York-Dufferin Region! By way of updates our own Simcoe-York-Dufferin co-rep, Joan kennedy,
has recently been promoted to Managing Director of Seasons Centre for Grieving Children (Congrats Joan!)
Here are some regional bereavement highlights:
North Simcoe Muskoka Palliative Care Network
~ NSMPCN Fall Palliative Care Conference - From Diagnosis to Death & Beyond - A Palliative Care Road Map
Brooklea Golf & Country Club, Midland, October 19, 2011, 705-325-0505
October http://www.palliativecarenetworknsm.ca/19, 2011
~ A collaborative effort of the Hospices in North Simcoe Muskoka and the Network are proud to announce the completion of
a regional Bereavement Training Manual - regional training will take place Saturday, October 1st at Hospice Huronia
Bereaved Families of York Region
~ 2011 Annual Memorial Butterfly Release & the Optimist Club of Aurora Picnic in the Park - Saturday, September 24th, 2011,
Fairy Lake Park, Newmarket (The Gazebo) - registration at 9:15 am, ceremony at 10:00 am - for further info call
905-898-6265 or 1-800-969-6904 or email [email protected]
Hospice Orillia
~ Hospice Orillia is gearing up for Fall Programs including Bereavement Support Groups as well as expanding their lending
library. Watch for them at the Orillia Dragon Boat Festival, Paddles ready!
Contact 705-327-7799 or [email protected]
Hospice Simcoe
~ Hospice Simcoe continues to offer quality support to the community by way of: one-to-one support, support groups and
bereavement walk. Contact 705-722-5995
Hospice Huronia
~ Hospice Huronia has moved into their new and improved space at Georgian Bay General Hospital, Penetanguishene!
In addition to their regular bereavement programs, they are offering: Cardmaking & Scrapbook Techniques with Kathi - Yoga
with Lisa. Contact 705-549-1034 or [email protected]
Hospice Georgian Triangle
~ Hospice Georgian Triangle has a strong bereavement program, included: adult peer support, individual support, Rainbows
for Children, bereavement lending library, bereavement newsletter, presentations on grief topics, Healing Grief-Open Sessions.
Contact 705-444-2555 or [email protected]
Seasons Centre for Grieving Children
~ Season‟s Centre‟s peer support group programs begin the middle of September. Groups are for children ages 4-24 years of
age who are grieving the death of a parent, sibling or close friend and their caregivers. There are also 2 parent groups - Empty
Arms for parents who have had a child die, birth to 24 years of age and On Our Own, for parents raising young children who
have had a spouse or life partner die.
Season Centre along with the Simcoe County Suicide Awareness Council hosted a Walk for Suicide Awareness on
International Suicide Awareness Day, September 10th, “Awareness Does Save Lives”.
We look forward to seeing everyone at the BON Conference in October!
Respectfully submitted by Joan Kennedy & Janna Copeland
Simcoe-York-Dufferin Regional Representatives
Email: [email protected] (Joan)
Email: [email protected] (Janna)
Simcoe-York-Dufferin Region
Sudbury-Sault Ste. Marie Region sorry, no report at press time
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Additional Upcoming Events
“The Road Not Taken”
Wednesday, November 9th, 7:00 - 9:00 pm
Flamboro Baptist Church, 41 Concession 5E, Waterdown
Speaker : John Saynor (uniquely Canadian, speaker & writer)
For further information please call Kitching, Steepe & Ludwig Funeral Home
905-689-4582 or email [email protected]
Donations to Flamborough Food Bank Accepted
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Additional Upcoming Events
Educational Seminars for Bereavement Workers
With Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph. D. ~ Author, Educator, Grief Counselor
Sponsored by COPING Centre
1740 Blair Road, Cambridge ON N3H 4R8
Phone: 519-650-0852 or 1-877-554-4498
Email: [email protected] ~ Website: www.copingcentre.com
November 29 ~ December 1, 2011 - Helping Children & Adolescents Cope with Grief
there is now a waiting list for the 2011 seminar
November 27 ~ November 29, 2012 - Exploring the Special Needs of Suicide Survivors:
A “Companioning Philosophy of Caregiving”
Space is limited for these educational workshops ~ Deposit required ~ Please register early to avoid disappointment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good Grief! Befriending Loss in Ourselves & Others
Saturday October 15th - Sunday October 16th, 2011
9:15 - 4:30 each day, lunch included
Central Toronto location; TTC and parking accessible
Cost: Before September 23rd: $175.00, After September 23rd: $220.00
Register early! 12 participants maximum
Anne Simmonds DMin. has been working with the dying and grieving for over 30 years in her capacity first as a nurse,
then as hospital chaplain and congregational clergy. Most recently she has taught both credit and non-credit courses to a
variety of health care professionals at the University of Toronto, specifically as adjunct faculty at Emmanuel College,
Toronto, Canada. Anne is a gifted facilitator who draws on her extensive experience and offers this to participants using a
variety of engaging learning opportunities. These will include focused conversations, individual reflection, small group
gathering, and intentional self-care activities.
For more information/registration flyer please contact Anne at 416-469-8377
[email protected] or annesimmonds.ca
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Chakra Shake Up”
Sunday October 29th, 9:00 - 4:00 pm
West End of Toronto
Facilitated by Susan McCoy, Certified Acupressure Practitioner
Workshop cost of $60.00 includes refreshments ~ Space is limited to 10 participants
“Get Your Ticket Out of Shouldsville”
“Train” leaves Saturday November 26th, 2011 at 9:00 am sharp, and arrives in Couldville at 4:00 pm
Facilitated by Susan McCoy
Workshop cost of $60.00 includes refreshments ~ Space is limited to 12 participants
For more information/registration flyer contact Susan at 416-232-2140
[email protected]
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Camp Widow 2011 ~ San Diego, California
Camp Widow is a weekend long gathering of widowed people, from across the U.S.A. and around the world, who come
together as a community that understands the life altering experience of widowhood. Hosted by the Soaring Spirits Loss
Foundation, Camp Widow provides practical tools, valuable resources and peer-based encouragement for rebuilding one‟s
life in the aftermath of the death of a spouse. And it‟s accomplished in a fun, uplifting, laughter filled atmosphere.
Camp Widow will be held in two locations in 2012!
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina ~ April 20 - 22, 2012
San Diego, California ~ August 10 - 12, 2012
Please visit the following websites for more information
Camp Widow ~ www.campwidow.org
Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation ~ www.sslf.org
“The reality of my life as a widow and only parent...”
By Beth Bailey (BON Co Regional Rep/Kitchener-Waterloo)
Marny Williams-Balodis and I had long discussed the idea of attending Camp Widow together, and decided that 2011
would be the year. So, on August 11th we boarded a plane in Toronto, bound for San Diego!
There were many highlights - both personally and professionally. I met some incredible people, heard some amazing
stories, and felt further enlightened in my own widowhood journey. And, I was reminded of how quickly our emotions
and memories can rise to the surface when we are cradled in an environment of love, support and understanding. I came
home refreshed, with a whole host of ideas, information and resources that I hope to apply in my role as a bereavement
volunteer in my community. This was a conference like no other.
I must admit, however, that my experience at Camp Widow was somewhat coloured by my constant concern for my two
children, who were back at home. In truth, the decision to attend Camp Widow had been completely dependent on my
ability to arrange babysitting for my children - aged 8 and 6.
And so, my story goes back a few days to August 8th. Babysitting Plan A, hatched months before, was for my children to
spend 5 days with my parents while I was at the conference. But, due to some unforeseen health complications
experienced by my mother, Plan A had to be scrapped a few days before I was to depart for San Diego. I went into what I
call “crisis” mode and attempted to come up with Babysitting Plan B. I worried that I may have to cancel the trip all
together. And, I also knew that my travel insurance wouldn‟t cover the “collapse of a childcare plan”. Ugh. The reality of
my life as a widow and an only parent had just slapped me in the face.
I would be lying if I said I didn‟t feel anger and frustration over the entire situation. Like hundreds of other times before
this one, I was faced with the fact that I am an only parent - and that I am solely responsible for my children. If I was to
attend Camp Widow, my only option was to reach out to my circle of support and ask for help. In the end, Babysitting
Plan B consisted of 5 different households taking responsibility for my children. With “down to the minute” logistics, bags
that were pre-packed, and a “manual” of notes and instructions, I had come up with a childcare arrangement that was
workable. It was an example of military precision. The kids seemed agreeable (whew!) and I heaved a sigh of relief the
night before my flight. With the support of my friends, I had done it! While at the conference, I received updates on my
blackberry from all 5 babysitters and I felt confident in my decision to attend the conference. The kids were having a
wonderful time and so was I! Sometimes, things do work out as they should...or so I thought…
On Monday, August 15th, Marny and I were scheduled to fly home. As we taxied out to the runway, the captain
announced that we would be returning to the gate and deplaning - there was a problem with the airplane‟s computer.
ARGH! After being informed that our flight would be rescheduled for the next day reality set in again...I didn‟t have a
Babysitting Plan C. Very quickly, anger and frustration kicked into high gear, followed by fear and panic. Who knew I
would need a Plan C? What was I going to do if I couldn‟t find anyone to look after the kids? I was thousands of
kilometers away.
I‟m grateful to Marny for keeping me calm while I tried to brainstorm ideas for the kids. We even laughed at one point, as
we recalled the Macaulay Culkin movie ”Home Alone”! And, thank goodness for the blackberry! Ultimately, one of my
friends from Plan B, and my parents, came to the rescue! The kids would be safe and sound!
Cont‟d on next page
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Once I was home and had my children in my arms, enormous gratitude settled into my heart. The generosity of friends
and family is ultimately what enabled me to attend Camp Widow...along with my ability to ask for help (not an easy task
for me). Had I not reached out, I would have denied myself the opportunity to embrace my widowhood journey in this
special forum. And, thankfully, the kids were “none the wiser”! Due in great part to the wonderful care they received.
In the end, I think all of the stress and effort was worth it!
“Magic!”
By Marny Williams-Balodis (BON Co Regional Rep/Kitchener-Waterloo)
This past August, I attended Camp Widow in San Diego. I wasn‟t too sure what to expect. I did know that we had over
30 workshops specific to the concerns of being a widow to choose from, that we would have an evening social gala and
that I may have time to do some sightseeing in San Diego. I didn‟t know that there would be 275 men and women from 4
provinces, 4 countries and 43 states who had all joined the club of widowhood.
Camp Widow had a welcome reception planned for the first night. Gathered in this room were at least 200 people, many
of whom had come to Camp Widow by themselves and did not know anyone else there. As I looked around the room, I
was amazed that not one person was alone, not one person was anxious, everyone was talking, laughing and smiling. How
is it that a room full of widows and widowers can be so full of life?
The next day I had lunch with a gentleman that I had met the previous day. We were having a wonderful conversation
about Camp, our lives, our families, our interests. I asked him a question and he did not respond right away. He stared
into his lunch and was quiet. I waited. When he was able he said that was suddenly reminded of why he was here. His
spouse had died and he missed him terribly. It made me stop. To remember. To grieve. To be sad. The reason that I
was here was that my husband died. That my life was drastically changed. That the lives of my children would never be
the same. That my hopes and dreams for our future together were no longer. That my children would never get to
know there Dad. That their Dad would not be there to see all the amazing things that his children were going to
accomplish in their lives. That was the reason I was at Camp Widow sitting across from another widower remembering
why.
When you put 275 widows and widowers together in a room, magic happens. Here were hundreds of people all together
who had joined a club that no one wants to be a part of. We were all widows and widowers - a label that none of us
want to have. When someone says the word widow it sounds to me like finger nails on a black board. Society has an
image of what a widow should look like and it does not look like the 275 men and women I met at Camp Widow. A
widow is someone who has tragically experienced the death of their life partner. A widow is someone who loved so
completely and unconditionally and who is now grieving the death with every fibre of their soul. A widow is someone
who finds the energy to support their grieving children, take on all aspects of the home and finances, all the while grieving
the death of their spouse. A widow is someone who finds the courage to incorporate their grief into their new life,
redefine themselves, and find joy again. A widow is someone who can walk into a room and have the strength and
confidence to know that they will be ok. A widow is someone who attended Camp Widow and learned, cried, laughed,
enjoyed and made new friendships that will last a lifetime. That is the face of a widow. A name I wear proudly.
Pictured left to right
Marny Williams-Balodis
Michele Nef-Hernandez (founder of Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation)
Beth Bailey
Camp Widow, San Diego, August 13, 2011
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Labyrinth Walk at BON Conference, October 2009
Written by Immie Manthei (labyrinth facilitator), January 2010
Writing this on a cold January afternoon, I remember the golden beauty and warmth of the fall season when the
BON Conference took place. The trees at Geneva Park were just at their peak of fall colour, the sun shone
brightly and the water was calm and deep blue. Dianne Korchinsky (my assistant/friend) and I arrived early in the
afternoon to set up the labyrinth and prepare the space in the gorgeous room that faces the lake, through trees.
Setting up the labyrinth and creating a soulful space in an empty room is usually hard work, but there it was a
pleasure to work and create surrounded by nature. This was my seventh year with the labyrinth at the BON
Conference and as always it was a very moving and soulful experience. On the drive home, I felt the effects of the
total experience and tried to put it into words which at the time was too difficult, but now with some distance of
time and place, I attempt to write a few thoughts to share with BON members and friends.
The labyrinth is an ancient symbol, over 4000 years old. The oldest evidence (so far) comes from Sardinia as a rock
carving on a tomb, also in Crete and was part of Minoan society‟s sacred symbolism. Then in 11th and 12th
century Europe it became a floor pattern in various gothic cathedrals, Chartres Cathedral in France, being the most
famous. It was used in varying degrees by townspeople in the cathedrals and by contemplatives who at times, used
it to represent an actual pilgrimage walk while the fighting during the Crusades made an actual pilgrimage to
Jerusalem too dangerous.
It evolved in many cultures in a variety of forms. It seems to appear in times of turmoil and societal or cultural
shifts. At this time of the world, again, we appear to be going through turmoil and troubled times. Religious and
spiritual change as well as economic and environmental are some present day concerns. The emergence of the
labyrinths in various parts of the world over the last ten to fifteen years is probably no coincidence. This is also a
time for meditative reflection, which may help to prepare us for change as we engage in the world outside and also
focus on our own inner conflict and change as required.
The theme of that year‟s conference was Preparing to Nurture the Soul with an emphasis on the fact that work of
bereavement care is often a walk or journey with people through the loss of a loved one. The physical cost of
„walking‟ clients through the process can be stressful for the professionals and volunteers. The workshops and
lectures helped to educate bereavement workers. The labyrinth, set up in a spacious room, where nature seemed
close, served as a tool for walking in a quiet, reflective, soulful space and became a place and space to unwind and
just be. Whether conference attendees came to walk or sit and watch and listen to the music most felt some
relaxation from the experience of being with the labyrinth.
The circular paths, set out in sacred ratios or measure contain both circles and squares. These geometric shapes
are symbolic of transformation and are also part of the symbolism of gothic cathedrals as well as other traditions.
But today, there is a new emphasis on brain transformation or brain plasticity and how we can change patterns of
our brains by various practices, including meditation. I wonder how the circular pattern of walking might also
impact our brain as we to and fro across the canvas at various times. There are many things about the labyrinth
that we cannot explain with our usual scientific methodology. Perhaps at this time of environmental and social
change, we need to be creative and shift into other methods of thinking and creating. I wonder if the labyrinth can
be part of this process?
At the very least it is a metaphor for a path, or a journey on various levels, whether for the social or for individuals.
Walking the labyrinth at a BON Conference is an experience that is probably different for each person who walks
it. The experience of being there, witnessing the people treading that path, whether happily or sadly is always an
uplifting experience for me and for my assistant. I enjoy the opportunity to give the conference participants a space
and place for quiet reflection and for processing the things they experience and learn at the BON Conference.
Immie
To learn more about Walking a Labyrinth and the Labyrinth Community Network visit
www.BereavementOntarioNetwork.ca/conference/walking a labyrinth
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“Since the death I feel like there is a hole in my heart.” You have probably had many clients say something like this to you. Grief
can be overwhelming and surprising, but there are many aspects that can be anticipated emotionally, socially, intellectually,
physically and spiritually. We must remember to always treat the whole person.
The Spiritual aspects of grief and bereavement include:
~ Loss of hope and a sense of having been abandoned when a loved one dies.
~ Life loses meaning and value and there is doubt about the purpose of life without the loved one.
~ Clients may experience remorse and regret and begin to withdraw and isolate from their family, their faith community and
their friends.
~ Religious practices may change with the bereaved now avoiding his/her faith community or becoming over involved with his/
her faith community.
~ Some clients who used to meditate/pray now cannot pray while others cannot stop meditating/praying.
~ Some clients can become very angry with their faith community or with God and may no longer believe, becoming very
angry if God or faith or spirituality are mentioned.
Spirituality forms an essential part of a person‟s holistic health and personal well-being, it is the core of human ability and
capacity to derive meaning, direction and purpose from something outside of one‟s being; transcend oneself and connect with
the broader context of life. Spirituality influences matters of sanity and psychological health. Spirituality can be better
understood by focusing on five key concepts:
~ Meaning - look at the significance of life; make sense of situations; deriving purpose from what is going on. (Why am I
here? Why is this happening?)
~ Value - beliefs, standards and ethics that one cherishes and lives by. (What did I do to deserve this?)
~ Transcendence - experience, awareness, and appreciation of a surpassing or exceeding dimension to life beyond self.
(There must be something beyond me!)
~ Connecting - increased awareness of a connection with self, God or the Divine, faith community, art, nature, music, etc…
(I don‟t want to be alone!)
~ Becoming - unfolding of life that demands reflection and experience. (Who am I? How do I know who I am and who I‟m
supposed to be?)
When is Spiritual Care and Counselling needed?
Indicators are expressed when a client and/or family talks about and/or struggles with areas such as…
~ Fear, powerlessness, distrust of family or doctors, resentment or conflict with family, friends
~ Pain but not from an illness (pain in the “heat” or “soul”)
~ Shame, blaming, guilt, confusion, anger, depression, isolation
~ Hopelessness or no point in carrying on
~ Anxiety, stress, tension, despair and darkness
~ Making sense of present circumstances
~ Concerns about the dying process, including prior to and after death and about the afterlife
~ Request for specific ritual or religious rites
~ Multi-faith and/or multi-cultural issues
~ And ethical issues
Where can we go for assistance with Spiritual issues and concerns? A Certified Spiritual Care and Counselling Specialist.
Check out the Canadian Association for Spiritual Care at www.spirutalcare.ca for a professional in your area.
Submitted by Cindy Elkerton, CASC Provisional Teaching Supervisor
Chaplain Educator at St. Joesph’s Health Centre, Toronto
BON Member since 2002
Cindy welcomes your comments at [email protected]
Remember The (W)hole
Grief and Our Spiritual Home
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Movies that Move Us by William Cooke The summer of 2011 turned out to be not too shabby for film lovers. Surprising in the positive direction were
Horrible Bosses, Super 8 and Bridesmaids. Down the middle went Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Pt. 11 and
Crazy Stupid Love, while “worse than expected” and “you‟ve got to be kidding!” recognition went to Apollo 18,
Bad Teachers (worse movie) and Cowboys and Aliens.
Daniel Craig and director Jon Favreau
on the set of Cowboys and Aliens.
Ouch!
For those of us who incorporate film into our work with those who mourn, here are two films of the summer
season that I think deserve attention.
The Help (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djUjwbk2eg&feature=fvst) remains atop the late summer box
office charts. It‟s an adaptation of a 2009 novel by Kathryn Stockett, taking place in Jackson, Mississippi in the
early 1960s and told through an interesting lens: the perceptions of black nannies and maids. The central black
characters now work for the white children they once raised. One of the friends of those children,
“Skeeter” (Emma Stone), is a fresh young journalism graduate determined to
leverage her natural gifts as a writer into a career as an author. A first job
answering letters for a Dear Abby type cleaning column, brings her in touch
with Aibileen Clark (Viola Davis), a well respected maid/nanny working for one
of Skeeter‟s friends. The consultation leads to conversations about Aibileen‟s
life and her responses to advancing racist practices being taken up and
advanced by the same young women the maids have loved and raised.
Skeeter is drawn in and the two women expand the conversation to include
several other voices.
Though the film cries out for several improvements, it is a fairly faithful
adaptation of the novel, with some strong performances conveying refreshing perspective on an important story.
When all else is stripped away, our story is often our only source of power to change the world. But to have
power, our stories must first be heard and then be told.
The Tree of Life (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXRYA1dxP 0) takes us back a
decade from The Help to Midwestern American in the 1950s. The film was written and
directed by Terrance Malick (The Thin Red Line) in order to tackle some of life‟s really
big questions: the origins and meaning of life and the place of faith in our journey. It‟s the
journey of Jack, the eldest son of the family (played as an adult by Sean Penn), that is used
to shrink these giant questions down to size. Jack reflects as a lost middle aged man on
the milestones of his childhood, particularly the death of his brother at 19 and the
meaning and effects upon his family and own formation. The long anticipated film was
released for the 2011 Cannes Film Festival and won the Palme d‟Or. It tends to polarize
audiences into those who love it and those who don‟t really get it. With themes of life,
death and resurrection, it is a film to use as the basis of a group or discussion of the
meaning and impact of life and death
See you at the movies! See you at Geneva! William
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Book Review
The Mourner’s Dance: What We Do When People Die By Katherine Ashenburg, Toronto: Macfarlane Walter & Ross, 2002, Vintage Canada Edition, 2009
Reviewed by: Richard J. Paul
The name Katherine Ashenburg, and her book The Mourner‟s Dance, subtitled What We Do
When People Die, had completely escaped my attention until January, 2011. That month William
Cooke recommended the author as a potential plenary speaker to the Bereavement Ontario
Network Conference Planning Committee, which I sit on. Two weeks later I heard Ms. Ashenburg
interviewed live on the CBC weekly morning program “Q” regarding “web-casting” funeral
services on the internet. And I thought, “She‟s recognized in Canada as a „go to person‟ to
comment on current funeral trends, I‟ve got to read her book”.
Originally published in hardcover by Macfarlane Walter & Ross, Toronto in 2002, Katherine
Ashenburg added an Afterword to her 2009 paperback edition. There she commented on the
phrase she often hears, “You‟re the expert here”. Her response “There is no „supposed to‟ when
it comes to mourning. The truth is that grief makes us all amateurs and experts at the same
time…” at once conciliates the statement with the lessons she has learned of bereavement‟s
natural equality and yet conceals the deeper knowledge and understanding she has acquired
through her experience, research and writing.
In her fifties at the time, the accidental death of her daughter Hannah‟s fiancé, Scott Roche, in 1998 brought grief into Ms.
Ashenburg‟s world for the first time - close enough to be saddened yet distant enough to observe and become motivated to
learn more about mourning. The result is a book which weaves the personal experiences she observed in herself, her
daughter and all the family and friends touched by Scott‟s death with the lessons and insights gleaned from her extensive
review of the full spectrum of bereavement literature.
The Mourner‟s Dance is an almost seamless narrative flowing from specific events, reactions, and observations around the
mourning of Scott which demonstrates points in bereavement literature. Conversely Ashenburg illuminates the experience
of Hannah and all the Roche family and friends from the perspective of historical, academic, therapeutic and self-help books
about grief and mourning. The list of resources she used in writing the book is extensive. There are 12 pages in small print
listing the references and it‟s a very thorough who‟s who of grief experts, authors and books. Following that is an index
filling 14 pages where you can look up anything in the book from activism to Zwinglian theology.
I was hooked in the Foreword when Ashenburg recounted offering her daughter “the usual platitude about time healing…”
and Hannah corrected her “crisply”: Time doesn‟t heal. Grieving heals”. I thought not only is Ashenburg honest, she is
referencing a perspective I have maintained for years. I read on renewing and augmenting my life-long study of grief
psychology with her conversational style of writing.
Her paraphrase of Malvolio‟s statement of greatness, “some are born adept at ritual, some become adept, and some have
ritual thrust upon them” opened a segment of the book focused on people who demand no ritual following their death. This
has been a growing concern for me professionally because it is obvious to me that people who engage in some form of ritual
whether formal or informal inevitably seem to be more at ease, satisfied, and comforted than those who opt for no ritual.
Ashenburg described a friend “...whose father imposed such a ban before he died…” and the friend described herself and
her family “...wandering in an emotional limbo where mourning can neither begin nor end”.
I was particularly struck by her description of the experience of Neil Bissoondath, novelist and nonfiction writer, whose
mother‟s Hindu funeral ceremony in Trinidad surprised him by being meaningful when, as a skeptic, he was initially impatient
and irritated with what he saw as an absurd ritual. He planned to “go through the motions” and was caught up in the
gestures which “...made the difference”. Ashenburg declares that this “going through the motions” expression which “...we
use negatively is all-important in ritual”.
Growing up and working in a fairly homogenous population of Anglo-Saxon Protestants and Catholics I especially found the
inner workings of the Jewish “sitting Shiva” to be both interesting and instructive. Some of the prescribed activities and
attitudes seem to actually have arisen from a deep understanding of grief psychology. Where I might draw a parallel
between my own experience of grief to support a bereaved person, the “...shiva caller does not corroborate the moaner‟s
emotion from his own experience of bereavement”.
Cont‟d on next page
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I took copious notes while reading the book but to be fair I find I can‟t single out more than these few examples above
without feeling that I must identify all the valuable lessons the book gave me. Suffice it to say that Ashenburg truly explored
the field of bereavement and condensed it into a valuable reading experience. The book can be read from cover to cover/or
kept as a quick reference guide.
All of these insights came to bear on Ms. Ashenburg following her parents‟ deaths in 2005 and 2007 leading no doubt to a
more reflective and healthful grief experience for her, and providing a demonstration that knowledge is power, especially in
the face of loss and grief.
In no small part the value of The Mourner‟s Dance is simply and articulately summarized by a review on Amazon.ca, “It’s
likely that for years to come, the recently bereaved will feel enormous gratitude to Katherine Ashenburg and her breathtakingly
beautiful, staggeringly researched book.” Yet I think those of us “in the trenches” whether funeral director, chaplain, clergy,
educator, counselor, doctor, nurse, the many palliative care, crises and bereavement volunteers and others will find the
book valuable as an insightful, applied “grief psychology 101” summary of mourning through the last several centuries to
today.
And to think we have Katherine Ashenburg opening the 2011, 21st annual BON Fall Conference - I can’t
wait to hear what insights from the last 12 years she will share with us!
Are you a parent/guardian whose child has died
from a life-limiting illness?
Wilfrid Laurier‟s School of Social Work is looking for parents/guardians who are willing to share their experience as a careg iver to
a child who has died as the result of a life-limiting illness. Participation in this study will help researchers examine how the
experience of having cared for a child with a life-limiting illness changes parents‟ lives.
This study involves a brief telephone interview, followed by the mailing of questionnaires to your home at two separate points in
time. Each questionnaire will take approximately one to one and a half hours to complete.
Questionnaires are available in either English or French.
For more information, or if you are interested in participating in this study,
please contact the Research Coordinator at 1-800-810-0721 or
Project Coordinator, Manulife Centre for Healthy Living
Wilfrid Laurier University, Waterloo, ON
519-884-1970, ext 5261 or [email protected]
STRESS AND GROWTH OVER TIME:
CAREGIVING AND BEREAVED PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH LIFE-LIMITING ILLNESSES
Principal Investigator: Dr. Susan Cadell
Assistant Professor & Director of the Centre for Healthy Living
Wilfrid Laurier University
The Dorothy Ley Hospice Bereavement Services ~ Fall 2011 Bereavement Care at The Dorothy Ley Hospice follows an individualized approach and provides emotional and spiritual
support without charge. Bereavement services are for anyone grieving the death of someone significant.
Group Sessions are facilitated by a professional and/or trained volunteers.
For information on programs or to book an individual appointment please contact:
Kristine Gagnon, Bereavement Care Coordinator
At 416-626-0116, ext 227 or [email protected]
www.dlhospice.org
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Pre-Conference - Wednesday, October 12th, from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm
Conference - Wednesday, October 12th at 6:00 pm (registration starting at 4:00 pm)
to Friday, October 14th, 2:00 pm
Geneva Park YMCA Conference Centre
Orillia, Ontario
An educational conference within a retreat setting and atmosphere!
Plenary Sessions ~ Workshops ~ Service of Healing, Hope & Remembrance
Mandala Book Shop ~ Labyrinth Room ~ Nature Walk
Social Night with Silent Auction, Entertainment & BONfire
Fabulous Food ~ Lakeside Setting ~ Networking Opportunities
www.BerevementOntarioNetwork.ca for full conference brochure/registration
Early Bird registration extended until September 30th!
Are You Attending The Celebration of the Decade?
(Our 21st Birthday Bash!)
The 2011 BON Annual Conference
“There‟s No Place Like Home”
The BON Conference is just a month away. Considering this year‟s topic and
speaker selection there is value for everyone working with the bereaved.
This annual event continues to offer one of the best opportunities to network
with those who work and volunteer in the bereavement field. The natural
lakeside setting of Geneva Park is perfect for those in need of a retreat and some
quiet time. Room and board are all on site and part of the package so you can
park your car and settle in for three days of learning, fun and relaxation.
For all conference details and registration, including full conference booklet, visit
our website at www.BereavementOntarioNetwork.ca
...and there’s more…
Mandala Book Shop will be returning and open for business throughout the conference. If you are looking for
titles, please contact Mandala at 519-432-9488 or [email protected] . Website is
www.mandalbookshop.com.
There will be the labyrinth room set up. Please see page 19 for more details. Also the Nature Walk led by
Sonia Mcmahon-Comartin on Thursday afternoon after the plenary and workshops.
Wednesday evening, after the Opening Night Plenary, there will be The Service of Healing, Hope &
Remembrance. This service will be led by Richard Paul.
All conference registrants will receive an extra special welcome goodie bag - filled to the brim with resources
and treats!
...and there’s more...
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The Silent Auction is one of the few opportunities BON has to raise funds. Items in the
past have included artwork and collectibles, garden and home décor items, homemade gift
baskets, CDs and books, etc. Please note - no used items - this is not a garage sale. If you
can contribute or solicit a donation from a local business, all items are appreciated. If you
would like to contribute but are unable to attend please contact your regional rep or
email [email protected] so that suitable arrangements can be made.
The Silent Auction takes place on Thursday evening, our social
and networking evening. Fun, food, 50/50 draw and the BONfire
with Susan McCoy! Dress warmly. Jeans and fleece are the order
of the conference; casual and comfortable!
Susan will also be leading morning meditation sessions for those interested.
Lloyd Grahame has 30 years of experience with the police service in Windsor, Ontario in
a variety of different roles. After retirement he became a consultant in specialized Crisis
Management Training and Leadership Training. Lloyd assisted in the development of the
Death Notification Training package and has delivered the training to over 21,000 people
across Canada including: police, fire, paramedics, victim support, medical staff, clergy and
Canadian Armed Forces command officers and chaplains. Lloyd is dedicated to making a
difference in the lives of others.
Pre-Conference Choice “A”
Death Notification Training (3 hours morning) &
After The Police Leave - Advanced Bereavement Crisis Management Skills (3 hours afternoon)
Morning Session (3 hours) with Lloyd Graham - This three hour training package is designed for Police Officers,
Victim Service Volunteers, Emergency Service Personnel and other professionals who recognize the inherent difficulties
involved in the process of delivering a notification of death. Each participant will receive a customized reference guide,
which will include relevant information on the process of death notification.
Afternoon Session (3 hours) - Working with people who are experiencing intense grief is a skill of wisdom and presence.
This workshop will focus on how to work with people who have just been informed about the death of a loved one by:
Murder - Drunk Driver - Crib Death - Still Born - Suicide - Workplace Accident Participants will leave with a tool kit on how to deal with complex and intense grief.
This workshop is ideal for hospital staff, Victim Service staff and volunteers, CMHA staff and other
social service agencies.
This workshop will be presented by Eugene Dufour who has over 25 years of
experience working with trauma survivors and the people who help them.
Pre-Conference Choice “B” (6 hours)
Current Trends in Bereavement: Bridging Research, Theory, and Practice
With Darcy Harris, Ph.D., FT, Professor and Thanatology Coordinator, Department of
Interdisciplinary Programs, King‟s University College, London, Ontario.
This full day workshop will provide a brief overview of the grieving process, with a review of
current theories of bereavement. Darcy will continue by covering the newer issues related to
complicated grief/prolonged grief disorder and finally exploring some of the controversies that
currently surround the efficacy of grief counseling.
Watch for Darcy‟s new book in January - Principles and Practice of Grief Counseling.
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Please visit our website for full conference information & registration...
www.BereavementOntarioNetwork.ca
Plan to come ~ Without you it just won‟t be the same party...
The 2011 Conference Plenary Speakers
Mourning Then and Now - Katherine Ashenburg
Opening Night Plenary
The Aftermath of Suicide: What Survivors Have Taught Us
Karen Letofsky
Trauma & Grief - Dr. Anna Baranowsky
„All the Stories We Carry‟
Post Traumatic Growth - Dr. Eunice Gorman
Plus your choice of 3 additional workshops …
No Elephants Allowed: Breaking down barriers to communication for children, adolescents and their families
bereaved by suicide
What are you laughing at: Coping with our Stress
Going home; Spiritual Considerations of the Dying, their Family and Caregivers
Grieving in the Public Eye: Living through Loss when the World is Watching
Loss Grief and Growth: An educational resource for K-12
Courage, Heart and Wisdom: Understanding the Unique Needs of Families of Homicide Victims
Finding HOPE in Widowhood
Latent Grief: The Grief That Does Not Speak
Trauma Through the Eyes of Children & Teens
Advance Care Planning from a Meaning Based, Person-centred Perspective
Suicide Survivors Support Group: The “How To” Workshop
