THE BOUBBO NEWS PABIS KY PEOEMBEB 27 1904
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BITS BY THE 3ABE1
A little boy who was asked where aSpider got the thread his webanswered
Its the raveling of his shirt I sawfcim take it
What bird is called the bird ofin America asked the teacher
The turkey answered the boy atthe foot of the class who was
of his Thanksgiving dinner
Tommy had drawn the picture of alocomotive on his slate and his father
him why he didnt draw thecars too
Oh answered Tommy thecan draw them
During the Thanksgiving dinnerrrommy was nearly choked by a tendonwhich he encountered in aleg of theturkey
Mamma he said a little Jater thecook forgot to take that old turkeysgarters off
Little Fred was told of a newin his uncles family Is the kid
any relation to me he askedYes hes your first cousin
his motherHuh exclaimed Fred I should
think he was my last one
Jimmy said the teacher afterreading the youngsters note from hisfather excusing his absence fromschool the day before it seems to meyour fathers writing is very much likeyours
Yes replied Jimmy unabashedPop aint had no education and Im
learnin him
The first time small Bessie attendeda funeral she asked why the lady died
Because God called her she wastold
A few days later she was tied in herchair because she had been
After sitting quietly for atime she said
Mamma if God called me now Icouldnt go cause Im tied fast
FACETIOUS FLINGS
what is tactthe art of letting a person
know you know enough not to know
I had never been in love before how would I have known whatailed me
She I would have told you
a funny typograph4cal error in this paper It speaks ofa mans motherinjaw
Wiggins Well isnt that all rightI cant see anything wrong about it
I Miss Passay You may sneer at petdogs but theyre faithful anywayFd rather kiss a good dog than somemen
Mr Sharpe Well well some menare born lucky
What would you do if you were aiking asked the man of vaulting ambition
I dont know answered the matteroffact I suppose Id follow the fashion and wear a look ofworry and a bulletproof shirt
Now if I were only an ostrichbegan the mean man at the breakfasttable as he picked up one of his wifesbiscuits then
Yes interrupted the patient betterhalf then I might get a fewfeathers for that old hat Ive worn forthree winters
PISOS TABLETSThe New Boon for Womans Ills
suffering from any form of femaleis no longer necessary Many
would rather die by Inchesthan consult anyone even by letter about theirprivate troubles PISOS TABLETS attack thesource of the disease and give relief from thestart Whatever form of illness afflicts youour interesting treatise Cause of Diseases inWomen will explain your trouble and ourmethod of cure A copy will be mailed freewith a Generous Sample of the Tablets to anywoman addressing
THE PISO COMPANYClark and Liberty Streets WARREN PA
A CURIOUS FACTIt is worthy of remark that every city
of any size or importance instate of Texas is located Directly on theline of the M K T Ry Naturallythe country adjacent to these cities andthe cities themselves are a little richerin opportunities than other portions ofthe state which is as a whole a statesurpassingly attractive to the investorand homeseeker
Low rates on the first and third Tuesdays of each monthI would like to send you some printed
matter about Texas
a1
to make
free-dom 1
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naughty
JohnnyPaPaIts
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KATYST LOUIS MO
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Strawberry andVegetable Dealers
Passenger of the Illinois CentralJiave recently issued a
tion known as Cireelar which fteseiitodthebeat territory in this country
r IJje jmmine of early
address card undersigned at BCBD CKa copy of 12
Afist Geni FafAr Agenti
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jBEGGS CHERRY COUGHeitre coughs and colds
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NOT WHAT HE EXPECTED
Over Anxious Employe Overdoes theIngratiating Act and Gets
His Comings
He was a very goodyoung man andwas determined when starting inness to follow the straightest path relates London TitBits
He studied a manual of business on going up to his office in the morning andhis lunch consisted of buns and
Relish was given to his tea in the shapeof a shorthand textbook and he sailedhome in the train gorging French grammar
He was particularly anxious tohis employer and cast about him
for a means of doing so Then an ideaoccurred to him
He went to a wholesale text shop andselected a few appropriate texts whichhe would hang round the office in whichhe worked
In front of himhe hung Nothing LikeIndustry while on the wall to the rightlie suspended Punctility is the Soul ofBusiness On the vacant hatpeg heplacarded Procrastination is the Thiefof Time and on Honesty is the Best Policy
All then cared for was the entry ofhis employer This soon happened Hischeeks burnt in anticipation of thowords of praise increase of salarywhich he expected would instantly
the observation by his chief of hisevident excellence
Then fell the magic words after thegreat man had scrutinized the texts
Hem I Tomkins think you had better see the cashier
He trembled a little then saidThank you sir
Yes see the cashier He will giveyou your weeks salary and another inlieu of notice and you can go at once
The youth turned ashy paleBut sir I
Dont argue Go at once I dontwant lazy unpunctual shillyshallyingdishonest people working for me
sir I dont understandDont you Well if youre not lazy
what do you want a placard to remindyou of industry for If youre
why do want to be told that it isthe soul of business to be so If youdo things when they ought to be donewhy do you want to gaze at that mottoabout procrastination And if yourehonest why must you din it into yourself that it is the best policy No itwont do I expect my employes to beable to do my work properly themselveswithout outside aid and I dont buy mottoes to tell them how to do it Goodmorning
KAISERS CLEAN CAPITAL
Everything Neat Quiet and Orderly-in the Principal City of
Germany
There are no street cries in BerlinNewspapers are sold almost in silence
by men who look likeof them in
viting to cafes of the baser ofered at street corners by old gentlemen
who might easily pass for deacons ofthe kirk says Harold JBegbie in LondonMailNo
piano organs play in the centralstreetsNo
bawl theirThe only sound in the city is the clatterof the horses hoofs on the clean asphalt
Berlin is wise enough to avoid woodpavement and of course he grindingot electric tramwaycars on their endless journey round the city
Every here and there too sounds thenoise of hammer and chisel where workmen are raising new palaces
Cabmen share In the general cleanlinessTheir little broughams and victoriaare not so neat as our London hansomsbut they themselves make a braver showthan the Cockney cabman
Those of them with taxameter cabswear shiny white hats with black brimblack band and brass cockade and overtheir shoulders is a blue cloak
the liningOmnibus men and tramcarmen turn
themselves out with equal smartnesstheir faces shaven and clean their uniforms brushed and brightened
The policemen in squat black helmetswith silver ornamentation and with thetail of a sword poking out at the bottomof their dark blue ulsters are clean andsmart with the same military neatness
The postman driving his light yellowmailcart wearing a shiny gold braidedbillycock with a tiny tarbrush stuckrakishly on side is as proud of hisappearance as the soldiers swaggeringon the footpaths
Everybody is rushed and dean
LongLived AnimalsThe recent presentation to
History museum in London of an eagleowl which has lived 72 years in
leads Mr W P Pycraft the ornithologist to assemble a number of instances of great age attained by birdsA golden eagle which died in Vienna in1719 was known to have been in captivity 104 years A whiteheadedcaptured in 1705 died in the Vienna zoological gardens in 1824 There Is a record of a falcon which lived to the age ef162 years In comparatively few Instances are the stories of great age
by animals authenticated bytrustworthy Companion
Queens Who Like Plain FbodQueen Alexandra is said to be fond or
Yorkshire pudding and very particulara to its proper consistency that itshould be crisp and light not tough andheavy Queen Victoria loved the homely scone eaten at the tea taken in somelonely farmhouse or rural inn Plain
bread which is all one gets inEngland is apdetizinvtrjetyof dainty cakes
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SOCIETY GIRL A HOUSEMAID
Philadelphia Heiress Takes a Placeas Servantto Cook and Do
Other Menial Work
Marion Honeyman Wood a member of the citysmost exclusive social circles a formerhospital nurse and actress is at present engaged in a new venture andset in which she moves has been givena new theme for conversation She isdoancd the costume of a housemaidand is serving in that capacity forwages at the house of her cousin MissLouise Wood an artist She has heldthis place for the last five weeks andthe matter has been kept secret frommost of her friends Members of herfamily she is a daughter of EdwardRandolphWood declined to give anyinformation about Miss Woods present venture
Miss Wood spent the summer witha theatrical company in Canada Thisorganization failed and the youngwoman who had aspired to histrionichonors returned to her home Whileserving as a trained nurse in thePennsylvania hospital she learned tocook and this work is included in herduties at the Rittenhouse street home
ting costume with a small apron andcap of white She has light hair andblue eyes On every afternoon except Thursday she acts as hallmaidand takes the cards of callers at thedoor
She also makes herself otherwiseuseful about the hcmse She says shelikes the place and although the payis not so good as that received bystars on the stage she intends to continue as a maid until she has an
again to take up the life ofan actress
Miss Wood saysshe is very happyand is not thinking of giving up herplace in spite of family protests Shegrants however that with all itdrawbacks stage life is preferable
BLIND BOYS PLAY FOOTBALL
Three Members of Kentucky Team Entirely Play
ers Required to YelL
Louisville latest additionto the list of things that the blind canenjoy is football Last summer thesightless wards df the state of Kentucky organized a baseball team andplayed many exciting games
This year football was adaptedthe blind boys and the other morningthey played a tie game of 10 to 10 atstraight football against a team that
seeThe game was taken up about amontb
ago and soon the students hada code of signals and mastered the
principle of guards back tackles andbuck formation For their backs theyselected the boys t ith the best visionincluding several who have a fairmeasure of sight in one eye Theirquarter backs soon acquired such apttude in passing the ball that fumbleswere reduced to a minimum of
x
The center two guards and one of thetackles of the institute team are entirely blind Most the members ofthe team can distinguish an opponentby the color of his sweater The onlyregulation laid upon the opposing teamis that the quarter back shall call passwhen he puts the ball At theopening the full back of the opposingteam kicked off deep into the territoryof the blind asylum team
Rognen captain of the blind boyscaught the ball called to hiu men toform their interference about him andplunged 20 yards down the field running low swiftly and with utter fearlessness
MARKET REPORT
Cincinnati 23CATTLE Common 2 50 3 50
Heavy steers 475 g 5 00tra 6
HOGS Ch packers 4 50 4 55Mixed packers 4 40 4 50
4 10 4 256 75
pat 6 10 G 35WHEAT No 2 red 1 18 1 20
No 3 winter 1 12CORN No 2 mixed 46
2 mixedRYE No 2 83 84RYE No 2 81 82
12 75mess 12 85
6 7 DO
BUTTER Ch dairy 17Choice creamery 28
APPLES Choice 2 50 3 00POTATOES Per bbl 1 60 1 65
5 00 13 00Old 14J5
Chicagopat 5 10 5 20
WHEAT No 2 red 1 13 1 IByNo 3 red 98 1 12
CORN No 2 mixed 46ys 462 mixed 29
7311 30 11 45
6 82-
NewYorkFLOUR Win slrts 5 25 5 40
2 red 1 182 mixed 5V22 mixed 34 36
14 00 14 507 25
BaltimoreCATTLE Steers 3 75
1 fat 2 50LAMBS Choice 6 00CALVES Choice 8 00HOGS Dressed V 6 25
LouisvilleWHEAT No 2 redCORN No 2 mixed
2 mixedPORK MessLARD Steam
IndianapolisWHEAT No 2
2 mixed 51OATS Nor 2 MxYdV 32
4 503 006 508 50
S 6 50
1 18
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PhlladelphiaMiss
the-
She wears the usual black tightfit
SightlessOpposing
KyThe
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could
perfect-ed
fre-quency
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CAL 50
SHEEPExtraLAMBSExtraFLOURSpring
OATSNo 33
HAYChPORKClearLARDSteam 87
TOBACCONew4 50
FLOURWinter
OATSNoRYENo2PORKMessLARDSteam
WHEATNoCORNNoOATSNoPORKFamilyLARDSteam
SHEEPNo
1 1855W
OATSNo 33
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NOT SUQJJ A FUNNY TRICK
Drummers Joke on Waiter TurnedOut a Costly One On
Himself
I suppose there comes to man ato something smart on an
said the as a tookf
New York TimesWell such a desire came to me as I
was leaving a certain southern city aftera stay The waiter at tablehad called me Gineral and heen at greatpains to care for me and I made up my
to reward him with a 5 bill wasa counterfeit with which I had beenbut would be theof a to off on
I had got a hundred miles whenI was arrested on a telegram for passingcounterfeit and whenI was arraigned in a United States courtand to bail on threedifferent occasions had a lawyer andother lost a weeksaltogether and escaped prison the
of my teeth In addition to this Ihad to make to the waiter who
shook his head when he recevedmoney and said
soul from the gallus
JUST LIKE PRISON ROUTINE
Boastful Traveler Brought to a Pauseby a Very Embarrassing
Question
The scene was a thirdclass smokingcompartment five on a side The speakerwas stout florid with shortcut hair
selfsatisfied The effemmate degeneracy of modern young menwas theme London
Look at me Sixty yearshad a days in life and can do
four miles an hour Why Becausefrom when I was 20 to I was over40 1 lived a regular life No delicaciesfor me No Every day
and winter I went to at ninegot at five lived principally on porridge worked hard you from
to one then dinner then an hourswalking exercise and then
your pardn guvnor interrupteda
Enough for HerMyraBut I am told your fiance has no
he has He is able tochecks for at least half a million
Chicago Daily News
Found at Last
apriceless boon to the and especiallythe women of America isinterested in medical matters and Mrs SueWilliams of this is certain she hasfound in Dodds Kidney Pills the longlookedfor cure
I am 38 old Mrs Williams saysand have suffered with the Backache very
much for three or four I havetreated by good physicians and no reliefbut thanks to found a cure atlast and it is Dodds Kidney Pills I havetaken only one box done me moregood than all the doctors in three or fouryears I want all sufferers from Backache
wellBackache is one of the first symptoms of
Kidney Disease Guardor Rheumatism by curing it with
Dodds Kidney Pills
There is a wide difference thevoting machine and machine yoting The
often cash vital disCompanion
BEAUTIFUL SKIN
Soft White Hands and LuxuriantHair Produced by Cuticura
Soap
Millions of Women Use Cuticura Soapassisted by Cuticura Ointment the greatskin cure for preserving purifyingbeautifying the skin for cleansing the
of crusts scales and dandruff and
whitening and soothing red rough andsore for andchafings for irritations and
weaknesses and many antisepticpurposes which readily suggest
as well as the purposes ofthe toilet bath
It is a Parisian doctor who insists thatlove is the result of a microbe Then letscience take and leave the tender PlainDealer
Are You Going to Florida or NewOrleans P
New Orleans and other south at
Also variable route tickets topoints in Florida and Cuba via Atlanta and
via Asheville For rates andother information addressStreetChicago
N P A 11 FortDetroit Mich
A boy of Machias Memiles over rough country
dayto be a great State
To Cure a Gold in One DayTake Quinine Tablets Alldruggists refund the if it fails to cure
Vv Groves signature is on each box 25c
A Salt Lake doctor has found a newdrug which he declares is better thancastor oil And it wouldnt have to bevery good at that Indianapolis News
Do not believe Pines Cure for Consumtion has an for coughs and colds JF Boyer Trinity Springs Ind Feb 15 1900
A mother could tell her daughter lotsabout out her lover if she daredto give to hex N Y Press
A Guaranteed Cure for Pilesor
Your druggist will refund money if PAZOto cure in 6 floe
You need not be a shadow because youare not a Tribune
iw
oc-casionthe ace of his smile according to the
I thought it biggestork
andappear
sor-rowfullymaybe
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ofagenever
oppositebutIsabelOh es
26thSpecialThatace
Ito know that they can get Dodas Kidneyand get
betwe n
disbursedatinctionYouths
the fallin hair for softening
andnursery
undisturbedCleveland
CrescentRouteMay31stStreetW
OhioVwalkedeight
actorOhio
LaxativeBromo
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Mrs Elizabeth tff Lillydale N Y Grand Worthy Wise Templarand Member of W U tells how sherecovered from a serious illness the use ofLydia E Pinfchams Vegetable Compoundwho have been cured through the use of Lydia E VegetableCompound and can today thank you for the fine health I
was thirtyfive years old suffered severe backache and frequent bearingdown fact I had womb trouble I was anxious to get welland reading of the cures your Compound had made I decided to try it I tookLI
My family and relatives were as gratified as I was niecehad trouble and nervous prostration and was considered incurableShe took your Vegetable and it cured her in a short time and shebecame well strong and her home to her great and her husbanddelight was with a baby I know of a number of others who have
cured of different of female trouble and am satisfied that yourCompound is thebest medicine sick women MRS ELIZABETH H THOMPSONBox 105 Lillydale N Y
Thousands upon thousands of women throughout this countryare not only expressing such as the abovefriends are letters of gratitude to MrsPinkhain until she has hundreds of from
Here is another letter which proves conclusively that there is noother medicine to equal Lydia E Vegetable CompOund
II
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DEAR MRS PmriuiM I am one of the of your rieIids
Jonly six bottles but it built me up and cured me of all my troubles
healthby
fl Thdjsn
I
About His RaisinWhos that skeetin along in that big
automobileThatssuccescsful author
oxcartHushhenow He only makes his money writin about ox carts an the folks that
Too Much to ExpectSee here landlord must I sit here for
Oh no sir Im waiting tillsomebody comes and orders half
course cant kill a half chfckenl1Blaetter
If a man shows genius in killing andmaiming thousands of his creatureswe him rank fame andadulation but leave those who by patient
and unrewarded CincinnatiEnquirer
The hen setsthe overpowering of a mysterious
instead of working for posterityBoston Herald
Jonesthe
ride in emAt anta Constitution
Ihavei1d
remunerationbring
restlessimpulses
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DEAR MRS PIHKHAU I suffered withpoor health for over seven years not sickenough to stay in bed and not enough to
sallow and I was and irritableOne of my neighbors advised me to
Lydia E Vegetable ComI procured a A great
for the better took place within ftweek and I decided to keep up the treatment
Within two months was like a changedwoman my health good step lighteyes bright my complexion vastly improved
I felt once more like a girlwonder now how I ever endured the miseryI would not spend another year like afortune
properlyu
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health andall the praise to E Pinkhams Vegetable Compound MESM 407 Habersteen St Savannah Ga
Mrs Pinkham has on file thousands of such letters
L
TILL
giveLydia
FORFEIT 1 ir cannot forthwith produce the letters ofwhich will prove their absolute genuinenessLydia E Pinkham Med Co Lynn MMS J
and signatures
C H C T E RLEADER AND REPEATER SHOTGUN SHELLS
The proof of the shell is its shooting Be
less Powder Shotgun Shells have won almostevery important prize shot for in yearsGood shots shoot them because they give better results shoot stronger and more uniformlyand are more reliable than any other makeALWAYS SPECIFY WINCHESTER MAKE OF SHELLS
WIN
FactoryLoaded1
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CBICUn CERRODANIE RHEUMATIC CURE AFQItlve Cure for Neuralgia In
Write TODAY for Free Booklet which contains our new theory the cause andcure of Rheumatism testimonials These capsules destroy and remove the cause ofRheumatism CURE MUST FOLLOW Price by C fer S5O0Manufactured CERRODANIE Ill For sale by T P TAYLOR Co Third SadJefferson fits Louisville Ky AGENTS WANTED Cut this ad out as it may not appear again
HE POOR MAN S RheumaUamif
COi
I aid
by Decatur t
Mixed Farming WheatRaising Ranching
Three pursuits kaTeagain shown wonderfulon the Homestead Lands of Western
Canada this year
at
i
re-sults
Magnificent climate farmers in theirin the middle of November
All to be more than pleased withthe final results past seasons harvestsExtract
Cdal wood water hay i ri abundance scfcopflchurches markets convenient
Apply for Information to SOPEHI JTTKXHEXT oOtufna Canada
II M WILLIAMS Law Building Toledo OAuthorized Canadian Government Agent
Please toy where yoiTsaw advertisement
Best Cough Syrup Tastea Good IJJntlme Sold by druggists
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