CATCH 22 complete text

8/12/2019 CATCH 22 complete text

1/157

Catch 22

CATCH-22 by JOSEPH HELLER

Copyright (c) Joseph Heller, 1!!, 1"1

The isl#$% o& Pi#$os# lies i$ the 'e%iterr#$e#$ Se# eight iles soth o& Elb#* +t is ery s#ll #$% obiosly col% $ot

#ccoo%#te #ll o& the #ctio$s %escribe%* Lie the setti$g o& this $oel, the ch#r#cters, too, #re &ictitios*

TO '. 'OTHER

A/0 TO SH+RLE.,A/0 '. CH+L0RE/,

ER+CA A/0 TE0

1 THE TEA/+t #s loe #t &irst sight*The &irst tie .oss#ri#$ s# the ch#pl#i$ he &ell #%ly i$ loe ith hi*.oss#ri#$ #s i$ the hospit#l ith # p#i$ i$ his lier th#t &ell 3st short o& bei$g 3#$%ice* The %octors ere p44le% bythe ct th#t it #s$5t 6ite 3#$%ice* +& it bec#e 3#$%ice they col% tre#t it* +& it %i%$5t becoe 3#$%ice #$% e$t ##ythey col% %isch#rge hi* 7t this 3st bei$g short o& 3#$%ice #ll the tie co$&se% the*E#ch or$i$g they c#e #ro$%, three bris #$% serios e$ ith e&&icie$t oths #$% i$e&&icie$t eyes, #ccop#$ie%

by bris #$% serios /rse 0cett, o$e o& the #r% $rses ho %i%$5t lie .oss#ri#$* They re#% the ch#rt #t the &oot o&the be% #$% #se% ip#tie$tly #bot the p#i$* They seee% irrit#te% he$ he tol% the it #s e8#ctly the s#e*5Still $o oee$t95 the &ll colo$el %e#$%e%*The %octors e8ch#$ge% # loo he$ he shoo his he#%*5:ie hi #$other pill*5/rse 0cett #%e # $ote to gie .oss#ri#$ #$other pill, #$% the &or o& the oe% #lo$g to the $e8t be%* /o$e o&the $rses lie% .oss#ri#$* Act#lly, the p#i$ i$ his l ier h#% go$e ##y, bt .oss#ri#$ %i%$5t s#y #$ythi$g #$% the%octors $eer sspecte%* They 3st sspecte% th#t he h#% bee$ oi$g his boels #$% $ot telli$g #$yo$e*.oss#ri#$ h#% eerythi$g he #$te% i$ the hospit#l* The &oo% #s$5t too b#%, #$% his e#ls ere broght to hi i$ be%*There ere e8tr# r#tio$s o& &resh e#t, #$% %ri$g the hot p#rt o& the #&ter$oo$ he #$% the others ere sere% chille%&rit 3ice or chille% chocol#te il* Ap#rt &ro the %octors #$% the $rses, $o o$e eer %istrbe% hi* ;or # little hile i$the or$i$g he h#% to ce$sor letters, bt he #s &ree #&ter th#t to spe$% the rest o& e#ch %#y lyi$g #ro$% i%ly ith #cle#r co$scie$ce* He #s co&ort#ble i$ the hospit#l, #$% it #s e#sy to st#y o$ bec#se he #l#ys r#$ # teper#treo& 1#shi$gto$ +ri$g*5 >he$ th#t gre

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o$oto$os he rote, 5+ri$g >#shi$gto$*5 Ce$sori$g the e$elopes h#% serios repercssio$s, pro%ce% # ripple o$8iety o$ soe ethere#l ilit#ry echelo$ th#t &lo#te% # C*+*0* #$ b#c i$to the #r% posi$g #s # p#tie$t* They #ll$e he #s # C*+*0* #$ bec#se he ept i$6iri$g #bot #$ o&&icer $#e% +ri$g or >#shi$gto$ #$% bec#se #&ter his&irst %#y there he ol%$5t ce$sor letters* He &o$% the too o$oto$os*+t #s # goo% #r% this tie, o$e o& the best he #$% 0$b#r h#% eer e$3oye%* >ith the this tie #s the te$ty-&or-ye#r-ol% &ighter-pilot c#pt#i$ ith the sp#rse gol%e$ st#che ho h#% bee$ shot i$to the A%ri#tic Se# i$ i%i$ter #$%$ot ee$ c#ght col%* /o the ser #s po$ the, the c#pt#i$ h#% $ot bee$ shot %o$, #$% he s#i% he h#% the

grippe* +$ the be% o$ .oss#ri#$5s right, still lyi$g #orosly o$ his belly, #s the st#rtle% c#pt#i$ ith #l#ri# i$ hisbloo% #$% # os6ito bite o$ his #ss* Across the #isle &ro .oss#ri#$ #s 0$b#r, #$% $e8t to 0$b#r #s the #rtilleryc#pt#i$ ith ho .oss#ri#$ h#% stoppe% pl#yi$g chess* The c#pt#i$ #s # goo% chess pl#yer, #$% the g#es ere#l#ys i$teresti$g* .oss#ri#$ h#% stoppe% pl#yi$g chess ith hi bec#se the g#es ere so i$teresti$g they ere&oolish* The$ there #s the e%c#te% Te8#$ &ro Te8#s ho looe% lie soeo$e i$ Tech$icolor #$% &elt, p#triotic#lly,th#t people o& e#$s - %ece$t &ol - shol% be gie$ ore otes th#$ %ri&ters, hores, crii$#ls, %ege$er#tes, #theists#$% i$%ece$t &ol - people ithot e#$s*.oss#ri#$ #s $spri$gi$g rhyths i$ the letters the %#y they broght the Te8#$ i$* +t #s #$other 6iet, hot, $troble%%#y* The he#t presse% he#ily o$ the roo&, sti&li$g so$%* 0$b#r #s lyi$g otio$less o$ his b#c #g#i$ ith his eyesst#ri$g p #t the ceili$g lie # %oll5s* He #s ori$g h#r% #t i$cre#si$g his li&e sp#$* He %i% it by clti#ti$g bore%o*0$b#r #s ori$g so h#r% #t i$cre#si$g his li&e sp#$ th#t .oss#ri#$ thoght he #s %e#%* They pt the Te8#$ i$ #be% i$ the i%%le o& the #r%, #$% it #s$5t lo$g be&ore he %o$#te% his ies*0$b#r s#t p lie # shot* 5Th#t5s it,5 he crie% e8cite%ly* 5There #s soethi$g issi$g - #ll the tie + $e there #ssoethi$g issi$g - #$% $o + $o h#t it is*5 He b#$ge% his &ist %o$ i$to his p#l* 5/o p#triotis,5 he %ecl#re%*5.o5re right,5 .oss#ri#$ shote% b#c* 5.o5re right, yo5re right, yo5re right* The hot %og, the 7rooly$ 0o%gers* 'o5s

#pple pie* Th#t5s h#t eeryo$e5s &ighti$g &or* 7t ho5s &ighti$g &or the %ece$t &ol9 >ho5s &ighti$g &or ore otes &or the%ece$t &ol9 There5s $o p#triotis, th#t5s h#t it is* A$% $o #triotis, either*5The #rr#$t o&&icer o$ .oss#ri#$5s le&t #s $ipresse%* 5>ho gies # shit95 he #se% tire%ly, #$% tr$e% oer o$ hissi%e to go to sleep*The Te8#$ tr$e% ot to be goo%-$#tre%, ge$eros #$% li#ble* +$ three %#ys $o o$e col% st#$% hi*He se$t sh%%ers o& #$$oy#$ce sc#peri$g p ticlish spi$es, #$% eerybo%y &le% &ro hi - eerybo%y bt the sol%ieri$ hite, ho h#% $o choice* The sol%ier i$ hite #s e$c#se% &ro he#% to toe i$ pl#ster #$% g#4e* He h#% toseless legs #$% to seless #rs* He h#% bee$ sggle% i$to the #r% %ri$g the $ight, #$% the e$ h#% $o i%e# he#s #o$g the $til they #oe i$ the or$i$g #$% s# the to str#$ge legs hoiste% &ro the hips, the to str#$ge#rs #$chore% p perpe$%icl#rly, #ll &or l ibs pi$io$e% str#$gely i$ #ir by le#% eights sspe$%e% %#rly #boe hith#t $eer oe%* Se$ i$to the b#$%#ges oer the i$si%es o& both elbos ere 4ippere% lips throgh hich he #s &e%cle#r &li% &ro # cle#r 3#r* A sile$t 4i$c pipe rose &ro the cee$t o$ his groi$ #$% #s cople% to # sli rbber hoseth#t c#rrie% #ste &ro his i%$eys #$% %rippe% it e&&icie$tly i$to # cle#r, stoppere% 3#r o$ the &loor* >he$ the 3#r o$ the&loor #s &ll, the 3#r &ee%i$g his elbo #s epty, #$% the to ere siply sitche% 6icly so th#t the st&& col% %ripb#c i$to hi* All they eer re#lly s# o& the sol%ier i$ hite #s # &r#ye% bl#c hole oer his oth*The sol%ier i$ hite h#% bee$ &ile% $e8t to the Te8#$, #$% the Te8#$ s#t si%e#ys o$ his o$ be% #$% t#le% to hithroghot the or$i$g, #&ter$oo$ #$% ee$i$g i$ # ple#s#$t, syp#thetic %r#l* The Te8#$ $eer i$%e% th#t he got$o reply*Teper#tres ere t#e$ tice # %#y i$ the #r%* E#rly e#ch or$i$g #$% l#te e#ch #&ter$oo$ /rse Cr#er e$tere%ith # 3#r &ll o& theroeters #$% ore% her #y p o$e si%e o& the #r% #$% %o$ the other, %istribti$g #theroeter to e#ch p#tie$t* She #$#ge% the sol%ier i$ hite by i$serti$g # theroeter i$to the hole oer his oth#$% le#i$g it b#l#$ce% there o$ the loer ri* >he$ she retr$e% to the #$ i$ the &irst be%, she too his theroeter#$% recor%e% his teper#tre, #$% the$ oe% o$ to the $e8t be% #$% co$ti$e% #ro$% the #r% #g#i$* O$e #&ter$oo$he$ she h#% coplete% her &irst circit o& the #r% #$% c#e # seco$% tie to the sol%ier i$ hite, she re#% histheroeter #$% %iscoere% th#t he #s %e#%*5'r%erer,5 0$b#r s#i% 6ietly*The Te8#$ looe% p #t hi ith #$ $cert#i$ gri$*5?iller,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%*>h#t #re yo &ell#s t#li$5 #bot95 the Te8#$ #se% $erosly*5.o r%ere% hi,5 s#i% 0$b#r*5.o ille% hi,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*

The Te8#$ shr#$ b#c* 5.o &ell#s #re cr#4y* + %i%$5t ee$ toch hi*55.o r%ere% hi,5 s#i% 0$b#r*5+ he#r% yo ill hi,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*5.o ille% hi bec#se he #s # $igger,5 0$b#r s#i%*5.o &ell#s #re cr#4y,5 the Te8#$ crie%* 5They %o$5t #llo $iggers i$ here* They got # speci#l pl#ce &or $iggers*55The serge#$t sggle% hi i$,5 0$b#r s#i%*5The Co$ist serge#$t,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*5A$% yo $e it*5The #rr#$t o&&icer o$ .oss#ri#$5s le&t #s $ipresse% by the e$tire i$ci%e$t o& the sol%ier i$ hite* The #rr#$t o&&icer#s $ipresse% by eerythi$g #$% $eer spoe #t #ll $less it #s to sho irrit#tio$*The %#y be&ore .oss#ri#$ et the ch#pl#i$, # stoe e8plo%e% i$ the ess h#ll #$% set &ire to o$e si%e o& the itche$* A$i$te$se he#t &l#she% throgh the #re#* Ee$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s #r%, #lost three h$%re% &eet ##y, they col% he#r thero#r o& the bl#4e #$% the sh#rp cr#cs o& &l#i$g tiber* Soe spe% p#st the or#$ge-ti$te% i$%os* +$ #bot &i&tee$i$tes the cr#sh trcs &ro the #ir&iel% #rrie% to &ight the &ire* ;or # &r#$tic h#l& hor it #s toch #$% go* The$ the&iree$ beg#$ to get the pper h#$%* S%%e$ly there #s the o$oto$os ol% %ro$e o& bobers retr$i$g &ro #

issio$, #$% the &iree$ h#% to roll p their hoses #$% spee% b#c to the &iel% i$ c#se o$e o& the pl#$es cr#she% #$%c#ght &ire* The pl#$es l#$%e% s#&ely* As soo$ #s the l#st o$e #s %o$, the &iree$ heele% their trcs #ro$% #$%r#ce% b#c p the hill to rese their &ight ith the &ire #t the hospit#l* >he$ they got there, the bl#4e #s ot* +t h#%


3/157

Catch 22

%ie% o& its o$ #ccor%, e8pire% copletely ithot ee$ #$ eber to be #tere% %o$, #$% there #s $othi$g &or the%is#ppoi$te% &iree$ to %o bt %ri$ tepi% co&&ee #$% h#$g #ro$% tryi$g to scre the $rses*The ch#pl#i$ #rrie% the %#y #&ter the &ire* .oss#ri#$ #s bsy e8prg#ti$g #ll bt ro#$ce or%s &ro the letters he$the ch#pl#i$ s#t %o$ i$ # ch#ir betee$ the be%s #$% #se% hi ho he #s &eeli$g* He h#% pl#ce% hisel& # bit too$e si%e, #$% the c#pt#i$5s b#rs o$ the t#b o& his shirt coll#r ere #ll the i$sig$i# .oss#ri#$ col% see* .oss#ri#$ h#% $oi%e# ho he #s #$% 3st too it &or gr#$te% th#t he #s either #$other %octor or #$other #%#$*5Oh, pretty goo%,5 he #$sere%* 5+5e got # slight p#i$ i$ y lier #$% + h#e$5t bee$ the ost regl#r o& &ellos, + gess,

bt #ll i$ #ll + st #%it th#t + &eel pretty goo%*55Th#t5s goo%,5 s#i% the ch#pl#i$*5.es,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5.es, th#t is goo%*55+ e#$t to coe #ro$% soo$er,5 the ch#pl#i$ s#i%, 5bt + re#lly h#e$5t bee$ ell*55Th#t5s too b#%,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%*5Jst # he#% col%,5 the ch#pl#i$ #%%e% 6icly*5+5e got # &eer o& # h$%re% #$% o$e,5 .oss#ri#$ #%%e% 3st #s 6icly*5Th#t5s too b#%,5 s#i% the ch#pl#i$*5.es,5 .oss#ri#$ #gree%* 5.es, th#t is too b#%*5The ch#pl#i$ &i%gete%* 5+s there #$ythi$g + c#$ %o &or yo95 he #se% #&ter # hile*5/o, $o*5 .oss#ri#$ sighe%* 5The %octors #re %oi$g #ll th#t5s h#$ly possible, + sppose*55/o, $o*5 The ch#pl#i$ colore% i$tly* 5+ %i%$5t e#$ #$ythi$g lie th#t* + e#$t cig#rettes*** or boos*** or*** toys*55/o, $o,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5Th#$ yo* + h#e eerythi$g + $ee%, + sppose - eerythi$g bt goo% he#lth*55Th#t5s too b#%*55.es,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5.es, th#t is too b#%*5

The ch#pl#i$ stirre% #g#i$* He looe% &ro si%e to si%e # &e ties, the$ g#4e% p #t the ceili$g, the$ %o$ #t the &loor*He %re # %eep bre#th*5Liete$#$t /#tely se$%s his reg#r%s,5 he s#i%*.oss#ri#$ #s sorry to he#r they h#% # t#l &rie$%* +t seee% there #s # b#sis to their co$ers#tio$ #&ter #ll* 5.o$o Liete$#$t /#tely95 he #se% regret&lly*5.es, + $o Liete$#$t /#tely 6ite ell*55He5s # bit loo$y, is$5t he95The ch#pl#i$5s sile #s eb#rr#sse%* 5+5 #&r#i% + col%$5t s#y* + %o$5t thi$ + $o hi th#t ell*55.o c#$ t#e y or% &or it,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5He5s #s goo&y #s they coe*5The ch#pl#i$ eighe% the $e8t sile$ce he#ily #$% the$ sh#ttere% it ith #$ #brpt 6estio$* 5.o #re C#pt#i$.oss#ri#$, #re$5t yo955/#tely h#% # b#% st#rt* He c#e &ro # goo% ily*55Ple#se e8cse e,5 the ch#pl#i$ persiste% tiorosly* 5+ #y be coitti$g # ery gr#e error* Are yo C#pt#i$.oss#ri#$955.es,5 C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$ co$&esse%* 5+ # C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$*55O& the 2!"th S6#%ro$955O& the &ighti$g 2!"th S6#%ro$,5 .oss#ri#$ replie%* 5+ %i%$5t $o there ere #$y other C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$s* As r #s +$o, +5 the o$ly C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$ + $o, bt th#t5s o$ly #s r #s + $o*55+ see,5 the ch#pl#i$ s#i% $h#ppily*5Th#t5s to to the &ighti$g eighth poer,5 .oss#ri#$ poi$te% ot, 5i& yo5re thi$i$g o& riti$g # sybolic poe #bot ors6#%ro$*55/o,5 ble% the ch#pl#i$* 5+5 $ot thi$i$g o& riti$g # sybolic poe #bot yor s6#%ro$*5.oss#ri#$ str#ighte$e% sh#rply he$ he spie% the ti$y siler cross o$ the other si%e o& the ch#pl#i$5s coll#r* He #sthoroghly #sto$ishe%, &or he h#% $eer re#lly t#le% ith # ch#pl#i$ be&ore*5.o5re # ch#pl#i$,5 he e8cl#ie% ecst#tic#lly* 5+ %i%$5t $o yo ere # ch#pl#i$*55>hy, yes,5 the ch#pl#i$ #$sere%* 50i%$5t yo $o + #s # ch#pl#i$955>hy, $o* + %i%$5t $o yo ere # ch#pl#i$*5 .oss#ri#$ st#re% #t hi ith # big, sci$#te% gri$* 5+5e $eer re#lly see$ #ch#pl#i$ be&ore*5The ch#pl#i$ &lshe% #g#i$ #$% g#4e% %o$ #t his h#$%s* He #s # slight #$ o& #bot thirty-to ith t#$ h#ir #$%bro$ %i&&i%e$t eyes* His ce #s $#rro #$% r#ther p#le* A$ i$$oce$t $est o& #$cie$t piple prics l#y i$ the b#si$ o&e#ch chee* .oss#ri#$ #$te% to help hi*

5C#$ + %o #$ythi$g #t #ll to help yo95 the ch#pl#i$ #se%*.oss#ri#$ shoo his he#%, still gri$$i$g* 5/o, +5 sorry* + h#e eerythi$g + $ee% #$% +5 6ite co&ort#ble* +$ ct, +5 $otee$ sic*55Th#t5s goo%*5 As soo$ #s the ch#pl#i$ s#i% the or%s, he #s sorry #$% shoe% his $cles i$to his oth ith #giggle o& #l#r, bt .oss#ri#$ re#i$e% sile$t #$% %is#ppoi$te% hi* 5There #re other e$ i$ the grop + st isit,5 he#pologi4e% &i$#lly* 5+5ll coe to see yo #g#i$, prob#bly toorro*55Ple#se %o th#t,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%*5+5ll coe o$ly i& yo #$t e to,5 the ch#pl#i$ s#i%, loeri$g his he#% shyly* 5+5e $otice% th#t + #e #$y o& the e$$co&ort#ble*5.oss#ri#$ gloe% ith #&&ectio$* 5+ #$t yo to,5 he s#i%* 5.o o$5t #e e $co&ort#ble*5The ch#pl#i$ be#e% gr#te&lly #$% the$ peere% %o$ #t # slip o& p#per he h#% bee$ co$ce#li$g i$ his h#$% #ll thehile* He co$te% #lo$g the be%s i$ the #r%, oi$g his lips, #$% the$ ce$tere% his #tte$tio$ %biosly o$ 0$b#r*5'#y + i$6ire,5 he hispere% so&tly, 5i& th#t is Liete$#$t 0$b#r955.es,5 .oss#ri#$ #$sere% lo%ly, 5th#t is Liete$#$t 0$b#r*55Th#$ yo,5 the ch#pl#i$ hispere%* 5Th#$ yo ery ch* + st isit ith hi* + st isit ith eery eber o& the

grop ho is i$ the hospit#l*55Ee$ those i$ other #r%s95 .oss#ri#$ #se%*5Ee$ those i$ other #r%s*5

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57e c#re&l i$ those other #r%s, ;#ther,5 .oss#ri#$ #r$e%* 5Th#t5s here they eep the e$t#l c#ses* They5re &ille%ith l$#tics*55+t is$5t $ecess#ry to c#ll e ;#ther,5 the ch#pl#i$ e8pl#i$e%* 5+5 #$ A$#b#ptist*55+5 %e#% serios #bot those other #r%s,5 .oss#ri#$ co$ti$e% grily* 5'*P*s o$5t protect yo, bec#se they5recr#4iest o& #ll* +5% go ith yo ysel&, bt +5 sc#re% sti&&@ +$s#$ity is co$t#gios* This is the o$ly s#$e #r% i$ the holehospit#l* Eerybo%y is cr#4y bt s* This is prob#bly the o$ly s#$e #r% i$ the hole orl%, &or th#t #tter*5The ch#pl#i$ rose 6icly #$% e%ge% ##y &ro .oss#ri#$5s be%, #$% the$ $o%%e% ith # co$cili#ti$g sile #$%

proise% to co$%ct hisel& ith #ppropri#te c#tio$* 5A$% $o + st isit ith Liete$#$t 0$b#r,5 he s#i%* Still heli$gere%, reorse&lly* 5Ho is Liete$#$t 0$b#r95 he #se% #t l#st*5As goo% #s they go,5 .oss#ri#$ #ssre% hi* 5A tre pri$ce* O$e o& the &i$est, le#st %e%ic#te% e$ i$ the hole orl%*55+ %i%$5t e#$ th#t,5 the ch#pl#i$ #$sere%, hisperi$g #g#i$* 5+s he ery sic955/o, he is$5t ery sic* +$ ct, he is$5t sic #t #ll*55Th#t5s goo%*5 The ch#pl#i$ sighe% ith relie&*5.es,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5.es, th#t is goo%*55A ch#pl#i$,5 0$b#r s#i% he$ the ch#pl#i$ h#% isite% hi #$% go$e* 50i% yo see th#t9 A ch#pl#i$*55>#s$5t he seet95 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5'#ybe they shol% gie hi three otes*55>ho5s they95 0$b#r %e#$%e% sspiciosly*+$ # be% i$ the s#ll pri#te sectio$ #t the e$% o& the #r%, #l#ys ori$g ce#selessly behi$% the gree$ plybo#r%p#rtitio$, #s the sole$ i%%le-#ge% colo$el ho #s isite% eery %#y by # ge$tle, seet-ce% o#$ ith crly#sh-blo$% h#ir ho #s $ot # $rse #$% $ot # >#c #$% $ot # Re% Cross girl bt ho $eertheless #ppe#re% ith&lly #tthe hospit#l i$ Pi#$os# e#ch #&ter$oo$ e#ri$g pretty p#stel ser %resses th#t ere ery s#rt #$% hite le#therpps ith heels h#l& high #t the b#se o& $ylo$ se#s th#t ere i$eit#bly str#ight* The colo$el #s i$

Co$ic#tio$s, #$% he #s ept bsy %#y #$% $ight tr#$sitti$g glti$os ess#ges &ro the i$terior i$to s6#rep#%s o& g#4e hich he se#le% eticlosly #$% %eliere% to # coere% hite p#il th#t stoo% o$ the $ight t#ble besi%ehis be%* The colo$el #s gorgeos* He h#% # c#er$os oth, c#er$os chees, c#er$os, s#%, il%ee% eyes*His ce #s the color o& clo%e% siler* He coghe% 6ietly, gi$gerly, #$% %#bbe% the p#%s sloly #t his lips ith #%ist#ste th#t h#% becoe #to#tic*The colo$el %elt i$ # orte8 o& speci#lists ho ere still speci#li4i$g i$ tryi$g to %eteri$e h#t #s trobli$g hi*They hrle% lights i$ his eyes to see i& he col% see, r#e% $ee%les i$to $eres to he#r i& he col% &eel* There #s #rologist &or his ri$e, # lyphologist &or his lyph, #$ e$%ocri$ologist &or his e$%ocri$es, # psychologist &or his psyche,# %er#tologist &or his %er# there #s # p#thologist &or his p#thos, # cystologist &or his cysts, #$% # b#l% #$% pe%#$ticcetologist &ro the 4oology %ep#rte$t #t H#r#r% ho h#% bee$ sh#$gh#ie% rthlessly i$to the 'e%ic#l Corps by #lty #$o%e i$ #$ +*7*'* #chi$e #$% spe$t his sessio$s ith the %yi$g colo$el tryi$g to %iscss 'oby 0ic ith hi*The colo$el h#% re#lly bee$ i$estig#te%* There #s $ot #$ org#$ o& his bo%y th#t h#% $ot bee$ %rgge% #$%%erog#te%, %ste% #$% %re%ge%, &i$gere% #$% photogr#phe%, reoe%, pl$%ere% #$% repl#ce%* /e#t, sle$%er #$%erect, the o#$ toche% hi o&te$ #s she s#t by his be%si%e #$% #s the epitoe o& st#tely sorro e#ch tie shesile%* The colo$el #s t#ll, thi$ #$% stoope%* >he$ he rose to #l, he be$t &or#r% ee$ ore, #i$g # %eep c#ityo& his bo%y, #$% pl#ce% his &eet %o$ ery c#re&lly, oi$g #he#% by i$ches &ro the $ees %o$* There ere ioletpools $%er his eyes* The o#$ spoe so&tly, so&ter th#$ the colo$el coghe%, #$% $o$e o& the e$ i$ the #r% eerhe#r% her oice*+$ less th#$ te$ %#ys the Te8#$ cle#re% the #r%* The #rtillery c#pt#i$ broe &irst, #$% #&ter th#t the e8o%s st#rte%*0$b#r, .oss#ri#$ #$% the &ighter c#pt#i$ #ll bolte% the s#e or$i$g* 0$b#r stoppe% h#i$g %i44y spells, #$% the&ighter c#pt#i$ ble his $ose* .oss#ri#$ tol% the %octors th#t the p#i$ i$ his lier h#% go$e ##y* +t #s #s e#sy #s th#t*Ee$ the #rr#$t o&&icer &le%* +$ less th#$ te$ %#ys, the Te8#$ %roe eerybo%y i$ the #r% b#c to %ty - eerybo%y btthe C*+*0* #$, ho h#% c#ght col% &ro the &ighter c#pt#i$ #$% coe %o$ ith p$eo$i#*2 CLEB+/:ER+$ # #y the C*+*0* #$ #s pretty lcy, bec#se otsi%e the hospit#l the #r #s still goi$g o$* 'e$ e$t #% #$%ere re#r%e% ith e%#ls* All oer the orl%, boys o$ eery si%e o& the bob li$e ere l#yi$g %o$ their lies &or h#tthey h#% bee$ tol% #s their co$try, #$% $o o$e seee% to i$%, le#st o& #ll the boys ho ere l#yi$g %o$ theiryo$g lies* There #s $o e$% i$ sight* The o$ly e$% i$ sight #s .oss#ri#$5s o$, #$% he ight h#e re#i$e% i$ thehospit#l $til %oos%#y h#% it $ot bee$ &or th#t p#triotic Te8#$ ith his i$&$%ibli&or 3ols #$% his lpy,rplehe#%e%, i$%estrctible sile cr#ce% &oreer #cross the &ro$t o& his ce lie the bri o& # bl#c te$-g#llo$ h#t*The Te8#$ #$te% eerybo%y i$ the #r% to be h#ppy bt .oss#ri#$ #$% 0$b#r* He #s re#lly ery sic*

7t .oss#ri#$ col%$5t be h#ppy, ee$ thogh the Te8#$ %i%$5t #$t hi to be, bec#se otsi%e the hospit#l there #sstill $othi$g &$$y goi$g o$* The o$ly thi$g goi$g o$ #s # #r, #$% $o o$e seee% to $otice bt .oss#ri#$ #$% 0$b#r*A$% he$ .oss#ri#$ trie% to rei$% people, they %re ##y &ro hi #$% thoght he #s cr#4y* Ee$ Clei$ger, hoshol% h#e $o$ better bt %i%$5t, h#% tol% hi he #s cr#4y the l#st tie they h#% see$ e#ch other, hich #s 3stbe&ore .oss#ri#$ h#% &le% i$to the hospit#l*Clei$ger h#% st#re% #t hi ith #poplectic r#ge #$% i$%ig$#tio$ #$%, cl#i$g the t#ble ith both h#$%s, h#% shote%,5.o5re cr#4y55Clei$ger, h#t %o yo #$t &ro people95 0$b#r h#% replie% e#rily #boe the $oises o& the o&&icers5 clb*5+5 $ot 3oi$g,5 Clei$ger persiste%*5They5re tryi$g to ill e,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi c#lly*5/o o$e5s tryi$g to ill yo,5 Clei$ger crie%*5The$ hy #re they shooti$g #t e95 .oss#ri#$ #se%*5They5re shooti$g #t eeryo$e,5 Clei$ger #$sere%* 5They5re tryi$g to ill eeryo$e*55A$% h#t %i&&ere$ce %oes th#t #e95Clei$ger #s #lre#%y o$ the #y, h#l& ot o& his ch#ir ith eotio$, his eyes oist #$% his lips 6ieri$g #$% p#le* As

#l#ys occrre% he$ he 6#rrele% oer pri$ciples i$ hich he beliee% p#ssio$#tely, he ol% e$% p g#spi$g&riosly &or #ir #$% bli$i$g b#c bitter te#rs o& co$ictio$* There ere #$y pri$ciples i$ hich Clei$ger beliee%p#ssio$#tely* He #s cr#4y*


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Catch 22

5>ho5s they95 he #$te% to $o* 5>ho, speci&ic#lly, %o yo thi$ is tryi$g to r%er yo955Eery o$e o& the,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi*5Eery o$e o& ho955Eery o$e o& ho %o yo thi$955+ h#e$5t #$y i%e#*55The$ ho %o yo $o they #re$5t9557ec#se***5 Clei$ger spttere%, #$% tr$e% speechless ith &rstr#tio$*

Clei$ger re#lly thoght he #s right, bt .oss#ri#$ h#% proo&, bec#se str#$gers he %i%$5t $o shot #t hi ithc#$$o$s eery tie he &le p i$to the #ir to %rop bobs o$ the, #$% it #s$5t &$$y #t #ll* A$% i& th#t #s$5t &$$y,there ere lots o& thi$gs th#t ere$5t ee$ &$$ier* There #s $othi$g &$$y #bot lii$g lie # b i$ # te$t i$ Pi#$os#betee$ t o$t#i$s behi$% hi #$% # pl#ci% ble se# i$ &ro$t th#t col% glp %o$ # perso$ ith # cr#p i$ theti$li$g o& #$ eye #$% ship hi b#c to shore three %#ys l#ter, #ll ch#rges p#i%, blo#te%, ble #$% ptresce$t, #ter%r#i$i$g ot throgh both col% $ostrils*The te$t he lie% i$ stoo% right s#c p #g#i$st the #ll o& the sh#llo, %ll-colore% &orest sep#r#ti$g his o$ s6#%ro$&ro 0$b#r5s* +e%i#tely #lo$gsi%e #s the #b#$%o$e% r#ilro#% %itch th#t c#rrie% the pipe th#t c#rrie% the #i#tio$g#soli$e %o$ to the &el trcs #t the #ir&iel%* Th#$s to Orr, his roo#te, it #s the ost l8rios te$t i$ thes6#%ro$* E#ch tie .oss#ri#$ retr$e% &ro o$e o& his holi%#ys i$ the hospit#l or rest le#es i$ Roe, he #ssrprise% by soe $e co&ort Orr h#% i$st#lle% i$ his #bse$ce - r$$i$g #ter, oo%-br$i$g &irepl#ce, cee$t &loor*.oss#ri#$ h#% chose$ the site, #$% he #$% Orr h#% r#ise% the te$t together* Orr, ho #s # gri$$i$g pygy ith pilot5si$gs #$% thic, #y bro$ h#ir p#rte% i$ the i%%le, &r$ishe% #ll the $ole%ge, hile .oss#ri#$, ho #s t#ller,stro$ger, bro#%er #$% ster, %i% ost o& the or* Jst the to o& the lie% there, #lthogh the te$t #s big e$ogh &orsi8* >he$ ser c#e, Orr rolle% p the si%e &l#ps to #llo # bree4e th#t $eer ble to &lsh ##y the #ir b#i$g

i$si%e*+e%i#tely $e8t %oor to .oss#ri#$ #s H#ereyer, ho lie% pe#$t brittle #$% lie% #ll by hisel& i$ the to-#$te$t i$ hich he shot ti$y &iel% ice eery $ight ith hge bllets &ro the *D! he h#% stole$ &ro the %e#% #$ i$.oss#ri#$5s te$t* O$ the other si%e o& H#ereyer stoo% the te$t 'c>#tt $o lo$ger sh#re% ith Clei$ger, ho h#% still$ot retr$e% he$ .oss#ri#$ c#e ot o& the hospit#l* 'c>#tt sh#re% his te$t $o ith /#tely, ho #s ##y i$ Roecorti$g the sleepy hore he h#% lle$ so %eeply i$ loe ith there ho #s bore% ith her or #$% bore% ith hitoo* 'c>#tt #s cr#4y* He #s # pilot #$% &le his pl#$e #s lo #s he %#re% oer .oss#ri#$5s te$t #s o&te$ #s he col%,3st to see ho ch he col% &righte$ hi, #$% loe% to go b44i$g ith # il%, close ro#r oer the oo%e$ r#&t &lo#ti$go$ epty oil %rs ot p#st the s#$% b#r #t the i#cl#te hite be#ch here the e$ e$t sii$g $#e%* Sh#ri$g# te$t ith # #$ ho #s cr#4y #s$5t e#sy, bt /#tely %i%$5t c#re* He #s cr#4y, too, #$% h#% go$e eery &ree %#y toor o$ the o&&icers5 clb th#t .oss#ri#$ h#% $ot helpe% bil%*Act#lly, there ere #$y o&&icers5 clbs th#t .oss#ri#$ h#% $ot helpe% bil%, bt he #s pro%est o& the o$e o$Pi#$os#* +t #s # str%y #$% cople8 o$e$t to his poers o& %eteri$#tio$* .oss#ri#$ $eer e$t there to help$til it #s &i$ishe% the$ he e$t there o&te$, so ple#se% #s he ith the l#rge, &i$e, r#bli$g, shi$gle% bil%i$g* +t #strly # sple$%i% strctre, #$% .oss#ri#$ throbbe% ith # ighty se$se o& #ccoplishe$t e#ch tie he g#4e% #t it #$%re&lecte% th#t $o$e o& the or th#t h#% go$e i$to it #s his*There ere &or o& the se#te% together #t # t#ble i$ the o&&icers5 clb the l#st tie he #$% Clei$ger h#% c#lle% e#chother cr#4y* They ere se#te% i$ b#c $e#r the cr#p t#ble o$ hich Appleby #l#ys #$#ge% to i$* Appleby #s #sgoo% #t shooti$g cr#p #s he #s #t pl#yi$g pi$g-po$g, #$% he #s #s goo% #t pl#yi$g pi$g-po$g #s he #s #teerythi$g else* Eerythi$g Appleby %i%, he %i% ell* Appleby #s # ir-h#ire% boy &ro +o# ho beliee% i$ :o%,'otherhoo% #$% the Aeric#$ >#y o& Li&e, ithot eer thi$i$g #bot #$y o& the, #$% eerybo%y ho $e hi lie%hi*5+ h#te th#t so$ o& # bitch,5 .oss#ri#$ grole%*The #rge$t ith Clei$ger h#% beg$ # &e i$tes e#rlier he$ .oss#ri#$ h#% bee$ $#ble to &i$% # #chi$e g$*+t #s # bsy $ight* The b#r #s bsy, the cr#p t#ble #s bsy, the pi$g-go$g t#ble #s bsy* The people .oss#ri#$#$te% to #chi$e-g$ ere bsy #t the b#r si$gi$g se$tie$t#l ol% orites th#t $obo%y else eer tire% o&* +$ste#% ochi$e-g$$i$g the, he broght his heel %o$ h#r% o$ the pi$g-po$g b#ll th#t c#e rolli$g to#r% hi o&& the p#%%leo& o$e o& the to o&&icers pl#yi$g*5Th#t .oss#ri#$,5 the to o&&icers l#ghe%, sh#i$g their he#%s, #$% got #$other b#ll &ro the bo8 o$ the shel&*5Th#t .oss#ri#$,5 .oss#ri#$ #$sere% the*5.oss#ri#$,5 /#tely hispere% c#tio$i$gly*

5.o see h#t + e#$95 #se% Clei$ger*The o&&icers l#ghe% #g#i$ he$ they he#r% .oss#ri#$ iici$g the* 5Th#t .oss#ri#$,5 they s#i% ore lo%ly*5Th#t .oss#ri#$,5 .oss#ri#$ echoe%*5.oss#ri#$, ple#se,5 /#tely ple#%e%*5.o see h#t + e#$95 #se% Clei$ger* 5He h#s #$tisoci#l #ggressio$s*55Oh, sht p,5 0$b#r tol% Clei$ger* 0$b#r lie% Clei$ger bec#se Clei$ger #$$oye% hi #$% #%e the tie goslo*5Appleby is$5t ee$ here,5 Clei$ger poi$te% ot triph#$tly to .oss#ri#$*5>ho s#i% #$ythi$g #bot Appleby95 .oss#ri#$ #$te% to $o*5Colo$el C#thc#rt is$5t here, either*55>ho s#i% #$ythi$g #bot Colo$el C#thc#rt955>h#t so$ o& # bitch %o yo h#te, the$955>h#t so$ o& # bitch is here955+5 $ot goi$g to #rge ith yo,5 Clei$ger %eci%e%* 5.o %o$5t $o ho yo h#te*55>hoeer5s tryi$g to poiso$ e,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi*

5/obo%y5s tryi$g to poiso$ yo*55They poiso$e% y &oo% tice, %i%$5t they9 0i%$5t they pt poiso$ i$ y &oo% %ri$g ;err#r# #$% %ri$g the :re#t 7igSiege o& 7olog$#95

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5They pt poiso$ i$ eerybo%y5s &oo%,5 Clei$ger e8pl#i$e%*5A$% h#t %i&&ere$ce %oes th#t #e955A$% it #s$5t ee$ poiso$5 Clei$ger crie% he#te%ly, groi$g ore eph#tic #s he gre ore co$&se%*As r b#c #s .oss#ri#$ col% rec#ll, he e8pl#i$e% to Clei$ger ith # p#tie$t sile, soebo%y #s #l#ys h#tchi$g #plot to ill hi* There ere people ho c#re% &or hi #$% people ho %i%$5t, #$% those ho %i%$5t h#te% hi #$% ereot to get hi* They h#te% hi bec#se he #s Assyri#$* 7t they col%$5t toch hi, he tol% Clei$ger, bec#se heh#% # so$% i$% i$ # pre bo%y #$% #s #s stro$g #s #$ o8* They col%$5t toch hi bec#se he #s T#r4#$,

'#$%r#e, ;l#sh :or%o$* He #s 7ill Sh#espe#re* He #s C#i$, =lysses, the ;lyi$g 0tch#$ he #s Lot i$ So%o,0eir%re o& the Sorros, See$ey i$ the $ighti$g#les #o$g trees* He #s ir#cle i$gre%ie$t -2DF* He #s -5Cr#4y5 Clei$ger i$terrpte%, shriei$g* 5Th#t5s h#t yo #re Cr#4y5- ie$se* +5 # re#l, sl#-b#$g, ho$est-to-goo%$ess, three-&iste% h%i$ger* +5 # bo$# &i%e spr##$*55Sper#$95 Clei$ger crie%* 5Sper#$955Spr##$,5 .oss#ri#$ correcte%*5Hey, &ell#s, ct it ot,5 /#tely begge% ith eb#rr#sse$t* 5Eerybo%y5s looi$g #t s*55.o5re cr#4y,5 Clei$ger shote% ehee$tly, his eyes &illi$g ith te#rs* 5.o5e got # Jeho#h cople8*55+ thi$ eeryo$e is /#th#$iel*5Clei$ger #rreste% hisel& i$ i%-%ecl##tio$, sspiciosly* 5>ho5s /#th#$iel955/#th#$iel ho95 i$6ire% .oss#ri#$ i$$oce$tly*Clei$ger sirte% the tr#p $e#tly* 5.o thi$ eerybo%y is Jeho#h* .o5re $o better th#$ R#sol$o -55>ho955- yes, R#sol$io, ho -55R#sol$io5

5- ho - + e#$ it - ho &elt he col% 3sti&y illi$g #$ ol% o#$ -55/o better th#$955- yes, 3sti&y, th#t5s right - ith #$ #8 A$% + c#$ proe it to yo5 :#spi$g &riosly &or #ir, Clei$ger e$er#te%.oss#ri#$5s syptos@ #$ $re#so$#ble belie& th#t eerybo%y #ro$% hi #s cr#4y, # hoici%#l iplse to #chi$e-g$ str#$gers, retrospectie lsi&ic#tio$, #$ $&o$%e% sspicio$ th#t people h#te% hi #$% ere co$spiri$g to ill hi*7t .oss#ri#$ $e he #s right, bec#se, #s he e8pl#i$e% to Clei$ger, to the best o& his $ole%ge he h#% $eerbee$ ro$g* Eeryhere he looe% #s # $t, #$% it #s #ll # se$sible yo$g ge$tle#$ lie hisel& col% %o to#i$t#i$ his perspectie #i% so ch #%$ess* A$% it #s rge$t th#t he %i%, &or he $e his li&e #s i$ peril*.oss#ri#$ eye% eeryo$e he s# #rily he$ he retr$e% to the s6#%ro$ &ro the hospit#l* 'ilo #s ##y, too, i$Syr$# &or the &ig h#rest* The ess h#ll r#$ soothly i$ 'ilo5s #bse$ce* .oss#ri#$ h#% respo$%e% r#e$osly to thep$ge$t #ro# o& spicy l#b hile he #s still i$ the c#b o& the #bl#$ce bo$ci$g %o$ #lo$g the $otte% ro#% th#tl#y lie # broe$ sspe$%er betee$ the hospit#l #$% the s6#%ro$* There #s shish-#bob &or l$ch, hge, s#oryh$s o& spitte% e#t si44li$g lie the %eil oer ch#rco#l #&ter #ri$#ti$g see$ty-to hors i$ # secret i8tre 'iloh#% stole$ &ro # crooe% tr#%er i$ the Le#$t, sere% ith +r#$i#$ rice #$% #sp#r#gs tips P#res#$, &olloe% bycherries 3bilee &or %essert #$% the$ ste#i$g cps o& &resh co&&ee ith 7e$e%icti$e #$% br#$%y* The e#l #s sere% i$e$oros helpi$gs o$ %##s t#blecloths by the sille% +t#li#$ #iters '#3or - %e Coerley h#% i%$#pe% &ro the#i$l#$% #$% gie$ to 'ilo*.oss#ri#$ gorge% hisel& i$ the ess h#ll $til he thoght he ol% e8plo%e #$% the$ s#gge% b#c i$ # co$te$te%stpor, his oth &ily ith # sccle$t resi%e* /o$e o& the o&&icers i$ the s6#%ro$ h#% eer e#te$ so ell #s they #teregl#rly i$ 'ilo5s ess h#ll, #$% .oss#ri#$ o$%ere% #hile i& it #s$5t perh#ps #ll orth it* 7t the$ he brpe% #$%reebere% th#t they ere tryi$g to ill hi, #$% he spri$te% ot o& the ess h#ll il%ly #$% r#$ looi$g &or 0oc0#$ee# to h#e hisel& t#e$ o&& cob#t %ty #$% se$t hoe* He &o$% 0oc 0#$ee# i$ s$light, sitti$g o$ # highstool otsi%e his te$t*5;i&ty issio$s,5 0oc 0#$ee# tol% hi, sh#i$g his he#%* 5The colo$el #$ts &i&ty issio$s*557t +5e o$ly got &orty-&or50oc 0#$ee# #s $oe%* He #s # s#%, bir%lie #$ ith the sp#tl#te ce #$% scrbbe%, t#peri$g &e#tres o& #ell-grooe% r#t*5;i&ty issio$s,5 he repe#te%, still sh#i$g his he#%* 5The colo$el #$ts &i&ty issio$s*5G HABER'E.ERAct#lly, $o o$e #s #ro$% he$ .oss#ri#$ retr$e% &ro the hospit#l bt Orr #$% the %e#% #$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t*The %e#% #$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t #s # pest, #$% .oss#ri#$ %i%$5t lie hi, ee$ thogh he h#% $eer see$ hi*

H#i$g hi lyi$g #ro$% #ll %#y #$$oye% .oss#ri#$ so ch th#t he h#% go$e to the or%erly roo seer#l ties tocopl#i$ to Serge#$t Toser, ho re&se% to #%it th#t the %e#% #$ ee$ e8iste%, hich, o& corse, he $o lo$ger %i%*+t #s still ore &rstr#ti$g to try to #ppe#l %irectly to '#3or '#3or, the lo$g #$% bo$y s6#%ro$ co#$%er, ho looe%# little bit lie He$ry ;o$%# i$ %istress #$% e$t 3pi$g ot the i$%o o& his o&&ice e#ch tie .oss#ri#$ bllie% his #yp#st Serge#$t Toser to spe# to hi #bot it* The %e#% #$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t #s siply $ot e#sy to lie ith* Heee$ %istrbe% Orr, ho #s $ot e#sy to lie ith, either, #$% ho, o$ the %#y .oss#ri#$ c#e b#c, #s ti$eri$g iththe cet th#t &e% g#soli$e i$to the stoe he h#% st#rte% bil%i$g hile .oss#ri#$ #s i$ the hospit#l*5>h#t #re yo %oi$g95 .oss#ri#$ #se% g#r%e%ly he$ he e$tere% the te$t, #lthogh he s# #t o$ce*5There5s # le# here,5 Orr s#i%* 5+5 tryi$g to &i8 it*55Ple#se stop it,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5.o5re #i$g e $eros*55>he$ + #s # i%,5 Orr replie%, 5+ se% to #l #ro$% #ll %#y ith cr#b #pples i$ y chees* O$e i$ e#ch chee*5.oss#ri#$ pt #si%e the sette b#g &ro hich he h#% beg$ reoi$g his toilet #rticles #$% br#ce% hisel&sspiciosly* A i$te p#sse%* >hy95 he &o$% hisel& &orce% to #s &i$#lly*Orr tittere% triph#$tly* 57ec#se they5re better th#$ horse chest$ts,5 he #$sere%*Orr #s $eeli$g o$ the &loor o& the te$t* He ore% ithot p#se, t#i$g the cet #p#rt, spre#%i$g #ll the ti$y pieces

ot c#re&lly, co$ti$g #$% the$ st%yi$g e#ch o$e i$teri$#bly #s thogh he h#% $eer see$ #$ythi$g reotely siil#rbe&ore, #$% the$ re#ssebli$g the hole #pp#r#ts, oer #$% oer #$% oer #$% oer #g#i$, ith $o loss o& p#tie$ce ori$terest, $o sig$ o& tige, $o i$%ic#tio$ o& eer co$cl%i$g* .oss#ri#$ #tche% hi ti$eri$g #$% &elt cert#i$ he ol%


7/157

Catch 22

be copelle% to r%er hi i$ col% bloo% i& he %i% $ot stop* His eyes oe% to#r% the h$ti$g $i&e th#t h#% bee$sl$g oer the os6ito-$et b#r by the %e#% #$ the %#y he #rrie%* The $i&e h$g besi%e the %e#% #$5s eptyle#ther g$ holster, &ro hich H#ereyer h#% stole$ the g$*5>he$ + col%$5t get cr#b #pples,5 Orr co$ti$e%, 5+ se% horse chest$ts* Horse chest$ts #re #bot the s#e si4e #scr#b #pples #$% #ct#lly h#e # better sh#pe, #lthogh the sh#pe %oes$5t #tter # bit*55>hy %i% yo #l #ro$% ith cr#b #pples i$ yor chees95 .oss#ri#$ #se% #g#i$* 5Th#t5s h#t + #se%*557ec#se they5e got # better sh#pe th#$ horse chest$ts,5 Orr #$sere%* 5+ 3st tol% yo th#t*5

5>hy,5 sore .oss#ri#$ #t hi #pproi$gly, 5yo eil-eye%, ech#$ic#lly-#ptit%e%, %is#&&ili#te% so$ o& # bitch, %i% yo#l #ro$% ith #$ythi$g i$ yor chees955+ %i%$5t,5 Orr s#i%, 5#l #ro$% ith #$ythi$g i$ y chees* + #le% #ro$% ith cr#b #pples i$ y chees* >he$ +col%$5t get cr#b #pples + #le% #ro$% ith horse chest$ts* +$ y chees*5Orr giggle%* .oss#ri#$ #%e p his i$% to eep his oth sht #$% %i%* Orr #ite%* .oss#ri#$ #ite% lo$ger*5O$e i$ e#ch chee,5 Orr s#i%*5>hy95Orr po$ce%* 5>hy h#t95.oss#ri#$ shoo his he#%, sili$g, #$% re&se% to s#y*5+t5s # &$$y thi$g #bot this #le,5 Orr se% #lo%*5>h#t is95 .oss#ri#$ #se%*57ec#se + #$te% -5.oss#ri#$ $e* 5Jess Christ >hy %i% yo #$t -55- #pple chees*55- #pple chees95 .oss#ri#$ %e#$%e%*

5+ #$te% #pple chees,5 Orr repe#te%* 5Ee$ he$ + #s # i% + #$te% #pple chees soe%#y, #$% + %eci%e% to or #tit $til + got the, #$% by :o%, + %i% or #t it $til + got the, #$% th#t5s ho + %i% it, ith cr#b #pples i$ y chees #ll%#y lo$g*5 He giggle% #g#i$* 5O$e i$ e#ch chee*55>hy %i% yo #$t #pple chees955+ %i%$5t #$t #pple chees,5 Orr s#i%* 5+ #$te% big chees* + %i%$5t c#re #bot the color so ch, bt + #$te% the big*+ ore% #t it 3st l ie o$e o& those cr#4y gys yo re#% #bot ho go #ro$% s6ee4i$g rbber b#lls #ll %#y lo$g 3st tostre$gthe$ their h#$%s* +$ ct, + #s o$e o& those cr#4y gys* + se% to #l #ro$% #ll %#y ith rbber b#lls i$ yh#$%s, too*55>hy955>hy h#t955>hy %i% yo #l #ro$% #ll %#y ith rbber b#lls i$ yor h#$%s9557ec#se rbber b#lls -5 s#i% Orr*5- #re better th#$ cr#b #pples95Orr s$iggere% #s he shoo his he#%* 5+ %i% it to protect y goo% rept#tio$ i$ c#se #$yo$e eer c#ght e #li$g#ro$% ith cr#b #pples i$ y chees* >ith rbber b#lls i$ y h#$%s + col% %e$y there ere cr#b #pples i$ y chees*Eery tie soeo$e #se% e hy + #s #li$g #ro$% ith cr#b #pples i$ y chees, +5% 3st ope$ y h#$%s #$%sho the it #s rbber b#lls + #s #li$g #ro$% ith, $ot cr#b #pples, #$% th#t they ere i$ y h#$%s, $ot ychees* +t #s # goo% story* 7t + $eer $e i& it got #cross or $ot, si$ce it5s pretty togh to #e people $%erst#$%yo he$ yo5re t#li$g to the ith to cr#b #pples i$ yor chees*5.oss#ri#$ &o$% it pretty togh to $%erst#$% hi the$, #$% he o$%ere% o$ce #g#i$ i& Orr #s$5t t#li$g to hi ith thetip o& his to$ge i$ o$e o& his #pple chees*.oss#ri#$ %eci%e% $ot to tter #$other or%* +t ol% be &tile* He $e Orr, #$% he $e there #s $ot # ch#$ce i$ hello& &i$%i$g ot &ro hi the$ hy he h#% #$te% big chees* +t ol% %o $o ore goo% to #s th#$ it h#% %o$e to #shi hy th#t hore h#% ept be#ti$g hi oer the he#% ith her shoe th#t or$i$g i$ Roe i$ the cr#pe% estibleotsi%e the ope$ %oor o& /#tely5s hore5s i% sister5s roo* She #s # t#ll, str#ppi$g girl ith lo$g h#ir #$% i$c#$%esce$tble ei$s co$ergi$g poplosly be$e#th her coco#-colore% si$ here the &lesh #s ost te$%er, #$% she eptcrsi$g #$% shriei$g #$% 3pi$g high p i$to the #ir o$ her b#re &eet to eep right o$ hitti$g hi o$ the top o& his he#%ith the spie% heel o& her shoe* They ere both $#e%, #$% r#isi$g # rps th#t broght eeryo$e i$ the #p#rte$ti$to the h#ll to #tch, e#ch cople i$ # be%roo %oor#y, #ll o& the $#e% e8cept the #pro$e% #$% se#tere% ol%o#$, ho clce% reproi$gly, #$% the lecheros, %issip#te% ol% #$, ho c#cle% #lo% hil#riosly throgh thehole episo%e ith # i$% o& #i% #$% sperior glee* The girl shriee% #$% Orr giggle%* E#ch tie she l#$%e% ith the

heel o& her shoe, Orr giggle% lo%er, i$&ri#ti$g her still &rther so th#t she &le p still higher i$to the #ir &or #$other shot#t his $oo%le, her o$%rosly &ll bre#sts so#ri$g #ll oer the pl#ce lie billoi$g pe$$#$ts i$ # stro$g i$% #$% herbttocs #$% stro$g thighs shi-sh#-shiyi$g this #y #$% th#t #y lie soe horri&yi$g bo$#$4#* She shriee%#$% Orr giggle% right p to the tie she shriee% #$% $oce% hi col% ith # goo% soli% cr#c o$ the teple th#t #%ehi stop giggli$g #$% se$t hi o&& to the hospit#l i$ # stretcher ith # hole i$ his he#% th#t #s$5t ery %eep #$% # eryil% co$cssio$ th#t ept hi ot o& cob#t o$ly tele %#ys*/obo%y col% &i$% ot h#t h#% h#ppe$e%, $ot ee$ the c#cli$g ol% #$ #$% clci$g ol% o#$, ho ere i$ #positio$ to &i$% ot eerythi$g th#t h#ppe$e% i$ th#t #st #$% e$%less brothel ith its ltit%i$os be%roos o$ ci$gsi%es o& the $#rro h#ll#ys goi$g o&& i$ opposite %irectio$s &ro the sp#cios sitti$g roo ith its sh#%e% i$%os #$%si$gle l#p* Eery tie she et Orr #&ter th#t, she5% hoist her sirts p oer her tight hite el#stic p#$ties #$%, 3eeri$gco#rsely, blge her &ir, ro$% belly ot #t hi, crsi$g hi co$teptosly #$% the$ ro#ri$g ith hsy l#ghter #s shes# hi giggle &e#r&lly #$% t#e re&ge behi$% .oss#ri#$* >h#teer he h#% %o$e or trie% to %o or ile% to %o behi$%the close% %oor o& /#tely5s hore5s i% sister5s roo #s still # secret* The girl ol%$5t tell /#tely5s hore or #$y o& theother hores or /#tely or .oss#ri#$* Orr ight tell, bt .oss#ri#$ h#% %eci%e% $ot to tter #$other or%*50o yo #$t to $o hy + #$te% big chees95 Orr #se%*

.oss#ri#$ ept his oth sht*50o yo reeber,5 Orr s#i%, 5th#t tie i$ Roe he$ th#t girl ho c#$5t st#$% yo ept hitti$g e oer the he#% iththe heel o& her shoe9 0o yo #$t to $o hy she #s hitti$g e95

7 | P a g e


8/157

+t #s still ipossible to i#gi$e h#t he col% h#e %o$e to #e her #$gry e$ogh to h#er hi oer the he#% &or&i&tee$ or te$ty i$tes, yet $ot #$gry e$ogh to pic hi p by the #$les #$% %#sh his br#i$s ot* She #s cert#i$lyt#ll e$ogh, #$% Orr #s cert#i$ly short e$ogh* Orr h#% bc teeth #$% blgi$g eyes to go ith his big chees #$% #see$ s#ller th#$ yo$g Hple, ho lie% o$ the ro$g si%e o& the r#ilro#% tr#cs i$ the te$t i$ the #%i$istr#tio$ #re#i$ hich H$gry Joe l#y scre#i$g i$ his sleep eery $ight*The #%i$istr#tio$ #re# i$ hich H$gry Joe h#% pitche% his te$t by ist#e l#y i$ the ce$ter o& the s6#%ro$ betee$the %itch, ith its rste% r#ilro#% tr#cs, #$% the tilte% bl#c biti$os ro#%* The e$ col% pic p girls #lo$g th#t ro#%

i& they proise% to t#e the here they #$te% to go, b8o, yo$g, hoely, gri$$i$g girls ith issi$g teeth hothey col% %rie o&& the ro#% #$% l ie %o$ i$ the il% gr#ss ith, #$% .oss#ri#$ %i% he$eer he col%, hich #s $ot$e#rly #s o&te$ #s H$gry Joe, ho col% get # 3eep bt col%$5t %rie, begge% hi to try* The te$ts o& the e$liste% e$i$ the s6#%ro$ stoo% o$ the other si%e o& the ro#% #lo$gsi%e the ope$-#ir oie the#ter i$ hich, &or the %#ily#see$t o& the %yi$g, ig$or#$t #ries cl#she% by $ight o$ # coll#psible scree$, #$% to hich #$other =*S*O* tropec#e th#t s#e #&ter$oo$*The =*S*O* tropes ere se$t by :e$er#l P* P* Pece, ho h#% oe% his he#%6#rters p to Roe #$% h#% $othi$gbetter to %o hile he schee% #g#i$st :e$er#l 0ree%le* :e$er#l Pece #s # ge$er#l ith ho $e#t$ess %e&i$itelyco$te%* He #s # spry, s#e #$% ery precise ge$er#l ho $e the circ&ere$ce o& the e6#tor #$% #l#ys rote5e$h#$ce%5 he$ he e#$t 5i$cre#se%5* He #s # pric, #$% $o o$e $e this better th#$ :e$er#l 0ree%le, ho #si$ce$se% by :e$er#l Pece5s rece$t %irectie re6iri$g #ll te$ts i$ the 'e%iterr#$e#$ the#ter o& oper#tio$s to bepitche% #lo$g p#r#llel li$es ith e$tr#$ces ci$g b#c pro%ly to#r% the >#shi$gto$ 'o$e$t* To :e$er#l 0ree%le,ho r#$ # &ighti$g ot&it, it seee% # lot o& cr#p* ;rtherore, it #s $o$e o& :e$er#l Pece5s go%%# bsi$ess hothe te$ts i$ :e$er#l 0ree%le5s i$g ere pitche%* There the$ &olloe% # hectic 3ris%ictio$#l %ispte betee$ theseoerlor%s th#t #s %eci%e% i$ :e$er#l 0ree%le5s or by e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$, #il cler #t Te$ty-see$th Air ;orce

He#%6#rters* >i$tergree$ %eteri$e% the otcoe by throi$g #ll co$ic#tio$s &ro :e$er#l Pece i$to the#steb#set* He &o$% the too proli8* :e$er#l 0ree%le5s ies, e8presse% i$ less prete$tios liter#ry style, ple#se%e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ #$% ere spe% #lo$g by hi i$ 4e#los obser#$ce o& regl#tio$s* :e$er#l 0ree%le #sictorios by %elt*To reg#i$ h#teer st#ts he h#% lost, :e$er#l Pece beg#$ se$%i$g ot ore =*S*O* tropes th#$ he h#% eer se$tot be&ore #$% #ssig$e% to Colo$el C#rgill hisel& the respo$sibility o& ge$er#ti$g e$ogh e$thsi#s &or the*7t there #s $o e$thsi#s i$ .oss#ri#$5s grop* +$ .oss#ri#$5s grop there #s o$ly # o$ti$g $ber o& e$liste%e$ #$% o&&icers ho &o$% their #y sole$ly to Serge#$t Toser seer#l ties # %#y to #s i& the or%ers se$%i$gthe hoe h#% coe i$* They ere e$ ho h#% &i$ishe% their &i&ty issio$s* There ere ore o& the $o th#$ he$.oss#ri#$ h#% go$e i$to the hospit#l, #$% they ere still #iti$g* They orrie% #$% bit their $#ils* They ere grotes6e,lie seless yo$g e$ i$ # %epressio$* They oe% si%e#ys, lie cr#bs* They ere #iti$g &or the or%ers se$%i$gthe hoe to s#&ety to retr$ &ro Te$ty-see$th Air ;orce He#%6#rters i$ +t#ly, #$% hile they #ite% they h#%$othi$g to %o bt orry #$% bite their $#ils #$% &i$% their #y sole$ly to Serge#$t Toser seer#l ties # %#y to #s i&the or%er se$%i$g the hoe to s#&ety h#% coe*They ere i$ # r#ce #$% $e it, bec#se they $e &ro bitter e8perie$ce th#t Colo$el C#thc#rt ight r#ise the$ber o& issio$s #g#i$ #t #$y tie* They h#% $othi$g better to %o th#$ #it* O$ly H$gry Joe h#% soethi$g betterto %o e#ch tie he &i$ishe% his issio$s* He h#% scre#i$g $ight#res #$% o$ &ist &ights ith Hple5s c#t* He too hisc#er# to the &ro$t ro o& eery =*S*O* sho #$% trie% to shoot pictres p the sirt o& the yello-he#%e% si$ger ithto big o$es i$ # se6i$e% %ress th#t #l#ys seee% re#%y to brst* The pictres $eer c#e ot*Colo$el C#rgill, :e$er#l Pece5s trobleshooter, #s # &orce&l, r%%y #$* 7e&ore the #r he h#% bee$ #$ #lert,h#r%hitti$g, #ggressie #reti$g e8ectie* He #s # ery b#% #reti$g e8ectie* Colo$el C#rgill #s so #&l ##reti$g e8ectie th#t his serices ere ch soght #&ter by &irs e#ger to est#blish losses &or t#8 prposes*Throghot the ciili4e% orl%, &ro 7#ttery P#r to ;lto$ Street, he #s $o$ #s # %epe$%#ble #$ &or # st t#8rite-o&&* His prices ere high, &or ilre o&te$ %i% $ot coe e#sily* He h#% to st#rt #t the top #$% or his #y %o$,#$% ith syp#thetic &rie$%s i$ >#shi$gto$, losi$g o$ey #s $o siple #tter* +t too o$ths o& h#r% or #$%c#re&l ispl#$$i$g* A perso$ ispl#ce%, %isorg#$i4e%, isc#lcl#te%, oerlooe% eerythi$g #$% ope$e% eeryloophole, #$% 3st he$ he thoght he h#% it #%e, the goer$e$t g#e hi # l#e or # &orest or #$ oil&iel% #$% spoile%eerythi$g* Ee$ ith sch h#$%ic#ps, Colo$el C#rgill col% be relie% o$ to r$ the ost prosperos e$terprise i$to thegro$%* He #s # sel&-#%e #$ ho oe% his l#c o& sccess to $obo%y*5'e$,5 Colo$el C#rgill beg#$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s s6#%ro$, e#sri$g his p#ses c#re&lly* 5.o5re Aeric#$ o&&icers* Theo&&icers o& $o other #ry i$ the orl% c#$ #e th#t st#tee$t* Thi$ #bot it*5

Serge#$t ?$ight thoght #bot it #$% the$ politely i$&ore% Colo$el C#rgill th#t he #s #%%ressi$g the e$liste% e$ #$%th#t the o&&icers ere to be &o$% #iti$g &or hi o$ the other si%e o& the s6#%ro$* Colo$el C#rgill th#$e% hi crisply#$% gloe% ith sel&-s#tisctio$ #s he stro%e #cross the #re#* +t #%e hi pro% to obsere th#t te$ty-$i$e o$ths i$the serice h#% $ot bl$te% his ge$is &or i$eptit%e*5'e$,5 he beg#$ his #%%ress to the o&&icers, e#sri$g his p#ses c#re&lly* 5.o5re Aeric#$ o&&icers* The o&&icers o& $oother #ry i$ the orl% c#$ #e th#t st#tee$t* Thi$ #bot it*5 He #ite% # oe$t to perit the to thi$ #bot it*5These people #re yor gests5 he shote% s%%e$ly* 5They5e tr#ele% oer three thos#$% iles to e$tert#i$ yo* Ho#re they goi$g to &eel i& $obo%y #$ts to go ot #$% #tch the9 >h#t5s goi$g to h#ppe$ to their or#le9 /o, e$, it5s$o si$ o&& y behi$%* 7t th#t girl th#t #$ts to pl#y the #ccor%io$ &or yo to%#y is ol% e$ogh to be # other* Hool% yo &eel i& yor o$ other tr#ele% oer three thos#$% iles to pl#y the #ccor%io$ &or soe troops th#t %i%$5t#$t to #tch her9 Ho is th#t i% hose other th#t #ccor%io$ pl#yer is ol% e$ogh to be goi$g to &eel he$ he grosp #$% le#r$s #bot it9 >e #ll $o the #$ser to th#t o$e* /o, e$, %o$5t is$%erst#$% e* This is #ll ol$t#ry, o&corse* +5% be the l#st colo$el i$ the orl% to or%er yo to go to th#t =*S*O* sho #$% h#e # goo% tie, bt + #$t eeryo$e o& yo ho is$5t sic e$ogh to be i$ # hospit#l to go to th#t =*S*O* sho right $o #$% h#e # goo% tie, #$% th#t5s#$ or%er5

.oss#ri#$ %i% &eel #lost sic e$ogh to go b#c i$to the hospit#l, #$% he &elt ee$ sicer three cob#t issio$s l#terhe$ 0oc 0#$ee# still shoo his el#$choly he#% #$% re&se% to gro$% hi*5.o thi$ yo5e got trobles95 0oc 0#$ee# rebe% hi griei$gly* 5>h#t #bot e9 + lie% o$ pe#$ts &or eight ye#rs


9/157

Catch 22

hile + le#r$e% ho to be # %octor* A&ter the pe#$ts, + lie% o$ chice$ &ee% i$ y o$ o&&ice $til + col% bil% p #pr#ctice %ece$t e$ogh to ee$ p#y e8pe$ses* The$, 3st #s the shop #s &i$#lly st#rti$g to sho # pro&it, they %r#&te%e* + %o$5t $o h#t yo5re copl#i$i$g #bot*50oc 0#$ee# #s .oss#ri#$5s &rie$% #$% ol% %o 3st #bot $othi$g i$ his poer to help hi* .oss#ri#$ liste$e% eryc#re&lly #s 0oc 0#$ee# tol% hi #bot Colo$el C#thc#rt #t :rop, ho #$te% to be # ge$er#l, #bot :e$er#l0ree%le #t >i$g #$% :e$er#l 0ree%le5s $rse, #$% #bot #ll the other ge$er#ls #t Te$ty-see$th Air ;orceHe#%6#rters, ho i$siste% o$ o$ly &orty issio$s #s # coplete% tor o& %ty*

5>hy %o$5t yo 3st sile #$% #e the best o& it95 he #%ise% .oss#ri#$ glly* 57e lie H#ereyer*5.oss#ri#$ sh%%ere% #t the sggestio$* H#ereyer #s # le#% bob#r%ier ho $eer too e#sie #ctio$ goi$g i$ tothe t#rget #$% thereby i$cre#se% the %#$ger o& #ll the e$ ho &le i$ the s#e &or#tio$ ith hi*5H#ereyer, hy the hell %o$5t yo eer t#e e#sie #ctio$95 they ol% %e#$% i$ # r#ge #&ter the issio$*5Hey, yo e$ le#e C#pt#i$ H#ereyer #lo$e,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt ol% or%er* 5He5s the best %#$e% bob#r%iere5e got*5H#ereyer gri$$e% #$% $o%%e% #$% trie% to e8pl#i$ ho he %%e% the bllets ith # h$ti$g $i&e be&ore he&ire% the #t the &iel% ice i$ his te$t eery $ight* H#ereyer #s the best %#$e% bob#r%ier they h#%, bt he &lestr#ight #$% leel #ll the #y &ro the +*P* to the t#rget, #$% ee$ r beyo$% the t#rget $til he s# the lli$g bobsstrie gro$% #$% e8plo%e i$ # %#rti$g sprt o& #brpt or#$ge th#t &l#she% be$e#th the sirli$g p#ll o& soe #$%pleri4e% %ebris geyseri$g p il%ly i$ hge, rolli$g #es o& gr#y #$% bl#c* H#ereyer hel% ort#l e$ rigi% i$ si8pl#$es #s ste#%y #$% still #s sitti$g %cs hile he &olloe% the bobs #ll the #y %o$ throgh the ple8igl#ss $oseith %eep i$terest #$% g#e the :er#$ g$$ers belo #ll the tie they $ee%e% to set their sights #$% t#e their #i#$% pll their triggers or l#$y#r%s or sitches or h#teer the hell they %i% pll he$ they #$te% to ill people they%i%$5t $o*

H#ereyer #s # le#% bob#r%ier ho $eer isse%* .oss#ri#$ #s # le#% bob#r%ier ho h#% bee$ %eote%bec#se he $o lo$ger g#e # %#$ hether he isse% or $ot* He h#% %eci%e% to lie &oreer or %ie i$ the #ttept, #$%his o$ly issio$ e#ch tie he e$t p #s to coe %o$ #lie*The e$ h#% loe% &lyi$g behi$% .oss#ri#$, ho se% to coe b#rreli$g i$ oer the t#rget &ro #ll %irectio$s #$% eeryheight, clibi$g #$% %ii$g #$% tisti$g #$% tr$i$g so steeply #$% sh#rply th#t it #s #ll the pilots o& the other &iepl#$es col% %o to st#y i$ &or#tio$ ith hi, leeli$g ot o$ly &or the to or three seco$%s it too &or the bobs to %rop#$% the$ 4ooi$g o&& #g#i$ ith #$ #chi$g hol o& e$gi$es, #$% re$chi$g his &light throgh the #ir so iole$tly #s heoe his #y throgh the &ilthy b#rr#ges o& &l# th#t the si8 pl#$es ere soo$ &l$g ot #ll oer the sy lie pr#yers,e#ch o$e # pshoer &or the :er#$ &ighters, hich #s 3st &i$e ith .oss#ri#$, &or there ere $o :er#$ &ighters #$yore #$% he %i% $ot #$t #$y e8plo%i$g pl#$es $e#r his he$ they e8plo%e%* O$ly he$ #ll the Str $% 0r#$g h#%bee$ le&t r behi$% ol% he tip his &l# helet b#c e#rily o$ his se#ti$g he#% #$% stop b#ri$g %irectio$s to'c>#tt #t the co$trols, ho h#% $othi$g better to o$%er #bot #t # tie lie th#t th#$ here the bobs h#% lle$*57ob b#y cle#r,5 Serge#$t ?$ight i$ the b#c ol% #$$o$ce*50i% e hit the bri%ge95 'c>#tt ol% #s*5+ col%$5t see, sir, + ept getti$g bo$ce% #ro$% b#c here pretty h#r% #$% + col%$5t see* Eerythi$g5s coere% ithsoe $o #$% + c#$5t see*55Hey, A#r&y, %i% the bobs hit the t#rget955>h#t t#rget95 C#pt#i$ A#r%##r, .oss#ri#$5s plp, pipe-soi$g $#ig#tor, ol% s#y &ro the co$&sio$ o& #ps heh#% cre#te% #t .oss#ri#$5s si%e i$ the $ose o& the ship* 5+ %o$5t thi$ e5re #t the t#rget yet* Are e955.oss#ri#$, %i% the bobs hit the t#rget955>h#t bobs95 #$sere% .oss#ri#$, hose o$ly co$cer$ h#% bee$ the &l#*5Oh, ell,5 'c>#tt ol% si$g, 5h#t the hell*5.oss#ri#$ %i% $ot gie # %#$ hether he hit the t#rget or $ot, 3st #s lo$g #s H#ereyer or o$e o& the other le#%bob#r%iers %i% #$% they $eer h#% to go b#c* Eery $o #$% the$ soeo$e gre #$gry e$ogh #t H#ereyer tothro # p$ch #t hi*5+ s#i% yo e$ le#e C#pt#i$ H#ereyer #lo$e,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt #r$e% the #ll #$grily* 5+ s#i% he5s the best%#$e% bob#r%ier e5e got, %i%$5t +95H#ereyer gri$$e% #t the colo$el5s i$tere$tio$ #$% shoe% #$other piece o& pe#$t brittle i$si%e his ce*H#ereyer h#% gro$ ery pro&icie$t #t shooti$g &iel% ice #t $ight ith the g$ he h#% stole$ &ro the %e#% #$ i$.oss#ri#$5s te$t* His b#it #s # b#r o& c#$%y #$% he ol% presight i$ the %#r$ess #s he s#t #iti$g &or the $ibble ith# &i$ger o& his other h#$% i$si%e # loop o& the li$e he h#% r$ &ro the &r#e o& his os6ito $et to the ch#i$ o& the

$&roste% light blb oerhe#%* The li$e #s t#t #s # b#$3o stri$g, #$% the erest tg ol% s$#p it o$ #$% bli$% theshieri$g 6#rry i$ # bl#4e o& light* H#ereyer ol% chortle e8lt#$tly #s he #tche% the ti$y ##l &ree4e #$% rollits terri&ie% eyes #bot i$ &r#$tic se#rch o& the i$tr%er* H#ereyer ol% #it $til the eyes &ell po$ his o$ #$% the$he l#ghe% #lo% #$% plle% the trigger #t the s#e tie, shoeri$g the r#$, &rry bo%y #ll oer the te$t ith #reerber#ti$g cr#sh #$% %isp#tchi$g its tii% sol b#c to his or her Cre#tor*L#te o$e $ight, H#ereyer &ire% # shot #t # ose th#t broght H$gry Joe bolti$g ot #t hi b#re&oot, r#$ti$g #t thetop o& his screechy oice #$% eptyi$g his o$ *D! i$to H#ereyer5s te$t #s he c#e ch#rgi$g %o$ o$e si%e o& the%itch #$% p the other #$% #$ishe% #ll #t o$ce i$si%e o$e o& the slit tre$ches th#t h#% #ppe#re% lie #gic besi%e eeryte$t the or$i$g #&ter 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er h#% bobe% the s6#%ro$* +t #s 3st be&ore %#$ %ri$g the :re#t 7ig Siegeo& 7olog$#, he$ to$geless %e#% e$ people% the $ight hors lie lii$g ghosts #$% H$gry Joe #s h#l& ot o& hisi$% bec#se he h#% &i$ishe% his issio$s #g#i$ #$% #s $ot sche%le% to &ly* H$gry Joe #s b#bbli$g i$cohere$tlyhe$ they &ishe% hi ot &ro the %#$ botto o& the slit tre$ch, b#bbli$g o& s$#es, r#ts #$% spi%ers* The others&l#she% their se#rchlights %o$ 3st to #e sre* There #s $othi$g i$si%e bt # &e i$ches o& st#g$#$t r#i$ #ter*5.o see95 crie% H#ereyer* 5+ tol% yo* + tol% yo he #s cr#4y, %i%$5t +95D 0OC 0A/EE?A

H$gry Joe #s cr#4y, #$% $o o$e $e it better th#$ .oss#ri#$, ho %i% eerythi$g he col% to help hi* H$gry Joe3st ol%$5t liste$ to .oss#ri#$* H$gry Joe 3st ol%$5t liste$ bec#se he thoght .oss#ri#$ #s cr#4y*5>hy shol% he liste$ to yo95 0oc 0#$ee# i$6ire% o& .oss#ri#$ ithot looi$g p*

9 | P a g e


10/157

57ec#se he5s got trobles*50oc 0#$ee# s$orte% scor$&lly* 5He thi$s he5s got trobles9 >h#t #bot e95 0oc 0#$ee# co$ti$e% sloly ith #glooy s$eer* 5Oh, +5 $ot copl#i$i$g* + $o there5s # #r o$* + $o # lot o& people #re goi$g to h#e to s&&er &or sto i$ it* 7t hy st + be o$e o& the9 >hy %o$5t they %r#&t soe o& these ol% %octors ho eep shooti$g their isserso&& i$ pblic #bot h#t big s#cri&ices the e%ic#l g#e st#$%s re#%y to #e9 + %o$5t #$t to #e s#cri&ices* + #$t to#e %ogh*50oc 0#$ee# #s # ery $e#t, cle#$ #$ hose i%e# o& # goo% tie #s to sl* He h#% # %#r cople8io$ #$% #

s#ll, ise, s#tr$i$e ce ith or$&l poches $%er both eyes* He broo%e% oer his he#lth co$ti$#lly #$% e$t#lost %#ily to the e%ic#l te$t to h#e his teper#tre t#e$ by o$e o& the to e$liste% e$ there ho r#$ thi$gs &orhi pr#ctic#lly o$ their o$, #$% r#$ it so e&&icie$tly th#t he #s le&t ith little else to %o bt sit i$ the s$light ith hisst&&e% $ose #$% o$%er h#t other people ere so orrie% #bot* Their $#es ere :s #$% >es #$% they h#%sccee%e% i$ ele#ti$g e%ici$e to #$ e8#ct scie$ce* All e$ reporti$g o$ sic c#ll ith teper#tres #boe 1


11/157

Catch 22

#$%57#lls5#ll r#$g ot i$ r#pi% sccessio$, #$% the$ there #s .oss#ri#$ ith the 6estio$ th#t h#% $o #$ser@5>here #re the S$o%e$s o& yesterye#r95The 6estio$ pset the, bec#se S$o%e$ h#% bee$ ille% oer Aig$o$ he$ 0obbs e$t cr#4y i$ i%-#ir #$%sei4e% the co$trols ##y &ro Hple*The corpor#l pl#ye% it %b* 5>h#t95 he #se%*

5>here #re the S$o%e$s o& yesterye#r955+5 #&r#i% + %o$5t $%erst#$%*55O- so$t les /eige%e$s %5#$t#$95 .oss#ri#$ s#i% to #e it e#sier &or hi*5P#rle4 e$ #$gl#is, &or Christ5s s#e,5 s#i% the corpor#l* 5Je $e p#rle p#s &r#$I#is*55/either %o +,5 #$sere% .oss#ri#$, ho #s re#%y to prse hi throgh #ll the or%s i$ the orl% to ri$g the$ole%ge &ro hi i& he col%, bt Clei$ger i$tere$e%, p#le, thi$, #$% l#bori$g &or bre#th, # hi% co#ti$g o& te#rs#lre#%y gliste$i$g i$ his $%er$orishe% eyes*:rop He#%6#rters #s #l#re%, &or there #s $o telli$g h#t people ight &i$% ot o$ce they &elt &ree to #sh#teer 6estio$s they #$te% to* Colo$el C#thc#rt se$t Colo$el ?or$ to stop it, #$% Colo$el ?or$ sccee%e% ith #rle goer$i$g the #si$g o& 6estio$s* Colo$el ?or$5s rle #s # stroe o& ge$is, Colo$el ?or$ e8pl#i$e% i$ his reportto Colo$el C#thc#rt* =$%er Colo$el ?or$5s rle, the o$ly people peritte% to #s 6estio$s ere those ho $eer %i%*Soo$ the o$ly people #tte$%i$g ere those ho $eer #se% 6estio$s, #$% the sessio$s ere %isco$ti$e% #ltogether,si$ce Clei$ger, the corpor#l #$% Colo$el ?or$ #gree% th#t it #s $either possible $or $ecess#ry to e%c#te people ho$eer 6estio$e% #$ythi$g*Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Liete$#$t Colo$el ?or$ lie% #$% ore% i$ the :rop He#%6#rters bil%i$g, #s %i% #ll the

ebers o& the he#%6#rters st#&&, ith the e8ceptio$ o& the ch#pl#i$* The :rop He#%6#rters bil%i$g #s #$e$oros, i$%y, #$ti6#te% strctre bilt o& po%ery re% sto$e #$% b#$gi$g plbi$g* 7ehi$% the bil%i$g #s theo%er$ seet-shooti$g r#$ge th#t h#% bee$ co$strcte% by Colo$el C#thc#rt &or the e8clsie recre#tio$ o& the o&&icers#t :rop #$% #t hich eery o&&icer #$% e$liste% #$ o$ cob#t st#ts $o, th#$s to :e$er#l 0ree%le, h#% to spe$% #i$i o& eight hors # o$th*

Yossarian shot skeet, but never hit any. Appleby shot skeet and never missed. Yossarian was

as bad at shooting skeet as he was at gambling. He could never win money gambling either.

Even when he cheated he could

't win, because the people he cheated against were always better at cheating too. These were

two disappoi$te$ts to hich he h#% resig$e% hisel&@ he ol% $eer be # seet shooter, #$% he ol% $eer #eo$ey*5+t t#es br#i$s $ot to #e o$ey,5 Colo$el C#rgill rote i$ o$e o& the hoiletic eor#$%# he regl#rly prep#re% &orcircl#tio$ oer :e$er#l Pece5s sig$#tre* 5A$y &ool c#$ #e o$ey these %#ys #$% ost o& the %o* 7t h#t#bot people ith t#le$t #$% br#i$s9 /#e, &or e8#ple, o$e poet ho #es o$ey*55T* S* Eliot,5 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ s#i% i$ his #il-sorti$g cbicle #t Te$ty-see$th Air ;orce He#%6#rters, #$%sl#e% %o$ the telepho$e ithot i%e$ti&yi$g hisel&*Colo$el C#rgill, i$ Roe, #s perple8e%*5>ho #s it95 #se% :e$er#l Pece*5+ %o$5t $o,5 Colo$el C#rgill replie%*5>h#t %i% he #$t955+ %o$5t $o*55>ell, h#t %i% he s#y955 T* S* Eliot, 5 Colo$el C#rgill i$&ore% hi*5>h#t5s th#t955 T* S* Eliot, 5 Colo$el C#rgill repe#te%*5Jst T* S* - 55.es, sir* Th#t5s #ll he s#i%* Jst T* S* Eliot* 55+ o$%er h#t it e#$s,5 :e$er#l Pece re&lecte%* Colo$el C#rgill o$%ere%, too*5T* S* Eliot,5 :e$er#l Pece se%*

5T* S* Eliot,5 Colo$el C#rgill echoe% ith the s#e &$ere#l p44lee$t*:e$er#l Pece rose% hisel& #&ter # oe$t ith #$ $ctos #$% be$ig$#$t sile* His e8pressio$ #s shre% #$%sophistic#te%* His eyes gle#e% #liciosly* 5H#e soeo$e get e :e$er#l 0ree%le,5 he re6este% Colo$el C#rgill*50o$5t let hi $o ho5s c#lli$g*5Colo$el C#rgill h#$%e% hi the pho$e*5T* S* Eliot,5 :e$er#l Pece s#i%, #$% h$g p*5>ho #s it95 #se% Colo$el 'oo%s*:e$er#l 0ree%le, i$ Corsic#, %i% $ot reply* Colo$el 'oo%s #s :e$er#l 0ree%le5s so$-i$-l#, #$% :e$er#l 0ree%le, #tthe i$siste$ce o& his i&e #$% #g#i$st his o$ better 3%ge$t, h#% t#e$ hi i$to the ilit#ry bsi$ess* :e$er#l0ree%le g#4e% #t Colo$el 'oo%s ith leel h#tre%* He %eteste% the ery sight o& his so$-i$-l#, ho #s his #i%e #$%there&ore i$ co$st#$t #tte$%#$ce po$ hi* He h#% oppose% his %#ghter5s #rri#ge to Colo$el 'oo%s bec#se he%islie% #tte$%i$g e%%i$gs* >e#ri$g # e$#ci$g #$% preoccpie% scol, :e$er#l 0ree%le oe% to the &ll-le$gthirror i$ his o&&ice #$% st#re% #t his stocy re&lectio$* He h#% # gri44le%, bro#%-broe% he#% ith iro$-gr#y t&ts oer hiseyes #$% # bl$t #$% belligere$t 3#* He broo%e% i$ po$%eros specl#tio$ oer the cryptic ess#ge he h#% 3streceie%* Sloly his ce so&te$e% ith #$ i%e#, #$% he crle% his lips ith ice% ple#sre*

5:et Pece,5 he tol% Colo$el 'oo%s* 50o$5t let the b#st#r% $o ho5s c#lli$g*55>ho #s it95 #se% Colo$el C#rgill, b#c i$ Roe*5Th#t s#e perso$,5 :e$er#l Pece replie% ith # %e&i$ite tr#ce o& #l#r* 5/o he5s #&ter e*5

11 | P a g e


12/157

5>h#t %i% he #$t955+ %o$5t $o*55>h#t %i% he s#y955The s#e thi$g*55 T* S* Eliot955.es, T* S* Eliot* Th#t5s #ll he s#i%*5 :e$er#l Pece h#% # hope&l thoght* 5Perh#ps it5s # $e co%e or soethi$g, liethe colors o& the %#y* >hy %o$5t yo h#e soeo$e chec ith Co$ic#tio$s #$% see i& it5s # $e co%e or soethi$g

or the colors o& the %#y95Co$ic#tio$s #$sere% th#t T* S* Eliot #s $ot # $e co%e or the colors o& the %#y*Colo$el C#rgill h#% the $e8t i%e#* 5'#ybe + oght to pho$e Te$ty-see$th Air ;orce He#%6#rters #$% see i& they $o#$ythi$g #bot it* They h#e # cler p there $#e% >i$tergree$ +5 pretty close to* He5s the o$e ho tippe% e o&& th#tor prose #s too proli8*5E8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ tol% C#rgill th#t there #s $o recor% #t Te$ty-see$th Air ;orce He#%6#rters o& # T* S* Eliot*5Ho5s or prose these %#ys95 Colo$el C#rgill %eci%e% to i$6ire hile he h#% e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ o$ the pho$e* 5+t5sch better $o, is$5t it955+t5s still too proli8,5 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ replie%*5+t ol%$5t srprise e i& :e$er#l 0ree%le ere behi$% the hole thi$g,5 :e$er#l Pece co$&esse% #t l#st* 5Reeberh#t he %i% to th#t seet-shooti$g r#$ge95:e$er#l 0ree%le h#% thro$ ope$ Colo$el C#thc#rt5s pri#te seet-shooti$g r#$ge to eery o&&icer #$% e$liste% #$ i$the grop o$ cob#t %ty* :e$er#l 0ree%le #$te% his e$ to spe$% #s ch tie ot o$ the seet-shooti$g r#$ge #sthe cilities #$% their &light sche%le ol% #llo* Shooti$g seet eight hors # o$th #s e8celle$t tr#i$i$g &or the* +ttr#i$e% the to shoot seet*

0$b#r loe% shooti$g seet bec#se he h#te% eery i$te o& it #$% the tie p#sse% so sloly* He h#% &igre% ot th#t# si$gle hor o$ the seet-shooti$g r#$ge ith people lie H#ereyer #$% Appleby col% be orth #s ch #s elee$-ties-see$tee$ ye#rs*5+ thi$ yo5re cr#4y,5 #s the #y Clei$ger h#% respo$%e% to 0$b#r5s %iscoery*5>ho #$ts to $o95 0$b#r #$sere%*5+ e#$ it,5 Clei$ger i$siste%*5>ho c#res95 0$b#r #$sere%*5+ re#lly %o* +5ll ee$ go so r #s to co$ce%e th#t li&e sees lo$ger + -55- is lo$ger + -55- is lo$ger - +s lo$ger9 All right, is lo$ger i& it5s &ille% ith perio%s o& bore%o #$% %isco&ort, b -55:ess ho st95 0$b#r s#i% s%%e$ly*5Hh955They go,5 0$b#r e8pl#i$e%*5.e#rs*55.e#rs*55.e#rs,5 s#i% 0$b#r* 5.e#rs, ye#rs, ye#rs*55Clei$ger, hy %o$5t yo let 0$b#r #lo$e95 .oss#ri#$ broe i$* 50o$5t yo re#li4e the toll this is t#i$g955+t5s #ll right,5 s#i% 0$b#r #g$#$iosly* 5+ h#e soe %ec#%es to sp#re* 0o yo $o ho lo$g # ye#r t#es he$ it5sgoi$g ##y955A$% yo sht p #lso,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% Orr, ho h#% beg$ to s$igger*5+ #s 3st thi$i$g #bot th#t girl,5 Orr s#i%* 5Th#t girl i$ Sicily* Th#t girl i$ Sicily ith the b#l% he#%*55.o5% better sht p #lso,5 .oss#ri#$ #r$e% hi*5+t5s yor lt,5 0$b#r s#i% to .oss#ri#$* 5>hy %o$5t yo let hi s$igger i& he #$ts to9 +t5s better th#$ h#i$g hit#li$g*55All right* :o #he#% #$% s$igger i& yo #$t to*550o yo $o ho lo$g # ye#r t#es he$ it5s goi$g ##y95 0$b#r repe#te% to Clei$ger* 5This lo$g*5 He s$#ppe% his&i$gers* 5A seco$% #go yo ere steppi$g i$to college ith yor l$gs &ll o& &resh #ir* To%#y yo5re #$ ol% #$*55Ol%95 #se% Clei$ger ith srprise* 5>h#t #re yo t#li$g #bot955Ol%*55+5 $ot ol%*55.o5re i$ches ##y &ro %e#th eery tie yo go o$ # issio$* Ho ch ol%er c#$ yo be #t yor #ge9 A h#l& i$te

be&ore th#t yo ere steppi$g i$to high school, #$% #$ $hooe% br#ssiere #s #s close #s yo eer hope% to get toP#r#%ise* O$ly # &i&th o& # seco$% be&ore th#t yo ere # s#ll i% ith # te$-ee ser #c#tio$ th#t l#ste% #h$%re% thos#$% ye#rs #$% still e$%e% too soo$* ip They go roceti$g by so st* Ho the hell else #re yo eergoi$g to slo tie %o$95 0$b#r #s #lost #$gry he$ he &i$ishe%*5>ell, #ybe it is tre,5 Clei$ger co$ce%e% $illi$gly i$ # sb%e% to$e* 5'#ybe # lo$g li&e %oes h#e to be &i lle% ith#$y $ple#s#$t co$%itio$s i& it5s to see lo$g* 7t i$ th#t ee$t, ho #$ts o$e955+ %o,5 0$b#r tol% hi*5>hy95 Clei$ger #se%*5>h#t else is there95! CH+E; >H+TE HAL;OAT0oc 0#$ee# lie% i$ # splotche% gr#y te$t ith Chie& >hite H#l&o#t, ho he &e#re% #$% %espise%*5+ c#$ 3st pictre his lier,5 0oc 0#$ee# grble%*5Pictre y lier,5 .oss#ri#$ #%ise% hi*5There5s $othi$g ro$g ith yor lier*55Th#t shos ho ch yo %o$5t $o,5 .oss#ri#$ bl&&e%, #$% tol% 0oc 0#$ee# #bot the troblesoe p#i$ i$ his lier

th#t h#% troble% /rse 0cett #$% /rse Cr#er #$% #ll the %octors i$ the hospit#l bec#se it ol%$5t becoe3#$%ice #$% ol%$5t go ##y*0oc 0#$ee# #s$5t i$tereste%* 5.o thi$ yo5e got trobles95 he #$te% to $o* 5>h#t #bot e9 .o shol%5e


13/157

Catch 22

bee$ i$ y o&&ice the %#y those $elye%s #le% i$*55>h#t $elye%s955Those $elye%s th#t #le% i$to y o&&ice o$e %#y* 0i%$5t + eer tell yo #bot the9 She #s loely*5So #s 0oc 0#$ee#5s o&&ice* He h#% %ecor#te% his #iti$g roo ith gol%&ish #$% o$e o& the &i$est sites o& che#p&r$itre* >h#teer he col% he boght o$ cre%it, ee$ the gol%&ish* ;or the rest, he obt#i$e% o$ey &ro gree%yrel#ties i$ e8ch#$ge &or sh#res o& the pro&its* His o&&ice #s i$ St#te$ +sl#$% i$ # to-ily &iretr#p 3st &or blocs##y &ro the &erry stop #$% o$ly o$e bloc soth o& # sper#ret, three be#ty p#rlors, #$% to corrpt %rggists* +t

#s # cor$er loc#tio$, bt $othi$g helpe%* Popl#tio$ tr$oer #s s#ll, #$% people cl$g throgh h#bit to the s#ephysici#$s they h#% bee$ %oi$g bsi$ess ith &or ye#rs* 7ills pile% p r#pi%ly, #$% he #s soo$ ce% ith the loss o& hisost precios e%ic#l i$stre$ts@ his #%%i$g #chi$e #s repossesse%, #$% the$ his typeriter* The gol%&ish %ie%*;ort$#tely, 3st he$ thi$gs ere bl#cest, the #r broe ot*5+t #s # go%se$%,5 0oc 0#$ee# co$&esse% sole$ly* 5'ost o& the other %octors ere soo$ i$ the serice, #$% thi$gspice% p oer$ight* The cor$er loc#tio$ re#lly st#rte% p#yi$g o&&, #$% + soo$ &o$% ysel& h#$%li$g ore p#tie$ts th#$ +col% h#$%le copete$tly* + ppe% y icb#c &ee ith those to %rgstores* The be#ty p#rlors ere goo% &or to,three #bortio$s # ee* Thi$gs col%$5t h#e bee$ better, #$% the$ loo h#t h#ppe$e%* They h#% to se$% # gy &rothe %r#&t bo#r% #ro$% to loo e oer* + #s ;or-;* + h#% e8#i$e% ysel& pretty thoroghly #$% %iscoere% th#t + #s$&it &or ilit#ry serice* .o5% thi$ y or% ol% be e$ogh, ol%$5t yo, si$ce + #s # %octor i$ goo% st#$%i$g ithy co$ty e%ic#l society #$% ith y loc#l 7etter 7si$ess 7re#* 7t $o, it #s$5t, #$% they se$t this gy #ro$%3st to #e sre + re#lly %i% h#e o$e leg #pt#te% #t the hip #$% #s helplessly be%ri%%e$ ith i$cr#ble rhe#toi%#rthritis* .oss#ri#$, e lie i$ #$ #ge o& %istrst #$% %eterior#ti$g spirit#l #les* +t5s # terrible thi$g,5 0oc 0#$ee#proteste% i$ # oice 6#eri$g ith stro$g eotio$* 5+t5s # terrible thi$g he$ ee$ the or% o& # lice$se% physici#$ issspecte% by the co$try he loes*5

0oc 0#$ee# h#% bee$ %r#&te% #$% shippe% to Pi#$os# #s # &light srgeo$, ee$ thogh he #s terri&ie% o& &lyi$g*5+ %o$5t h#e to go looi$g &or troble i$ #$ #irpl#$e,5 he $ote%, bli$i$g his be#%y, bro$, o&&e$%e% eyes yopic#lly* 5+tcoes looi$g &or e* Lie th#t irgi$ + 5 telli$g yo #bot th#t col%$5t h#e # b#by*55>h#t irgi$95 .oss#ri#$ #se%* 5+ thoght yo ere telli$g e #bot soe $elye%s*55Th#t5s the irgi$ +5 telli$g yo #bot* They ere 3st # cople o& yo$g i%s, #$% they5% bee$ #rrie%, oh, # little oer #ye#r he$ they c#e #li$g i$to y o&&ice ithot #$ #ppoi$te$t* .o shol% h#e see$ her* She #s so seet #$%yo$g #$% pretty* She ee$ blshe% he$ + #se% #bot her perio%s* + %o$5t thi$ +5ll eer stop loi$g th#t girl* She #sbilt lie # %re# #$% ore # ch#i$ #ro$% her $ec ith # e%#l o& S#i$t A$tho$y h#$gi$g %o$ i$si%e the ostbe#ti&l boso + $eer s#* +t st be # terrible tept#tio$ &or S#i$t A$tho$y, + 3oe% - 3st to pt her #t e#se, yo$o* S#i$t A$tho$y9 her hsb#$% s#i%* >ho5s S#i$t A$tho$y9 As yor i&e, + tol% hi* She c#$ tell yo hoS#i$t A$tho$y is* >ho is S#i$t A$tho$y9 he #se% her* >ho9 she #$te% to $o* S#i$t A$tho$y, he tol% her*S#i$t A$tho$y9 she s#i%* >ho5s S#i$t A$tho$y9 >he$ + got # goo% loo #t her i$si%e y e8#i$#tio$ roo + &o$%she #s still # irgi$* + spoe to her hsb#$% #lo$e hile she #s plli$g her gir%le b#c o$ #$% hooi$g it o$to herstoci$gs* Eery $ight, he bo#ste%* A re#l ise gy, yo $o* + $eer iss # $ight, he bo#ste%* He e#$t it, too* +ee$ bee$ ptti$5 it to her or$i$gs be&ore the bre#sts she #es e be&ore e go to or, he bo#ste%* There #so$ly o$e e8pl#$#tio$* >he$ + h#% the both together #g#i$ + g#e the # %eo$str#tio$ o& i$tercorse ith the rbbero%els +5e got i$ y o&&ice* +5e got these rbber o%els i$ y o&&ice ith #ll the repro%ctie org#$s o& both se8es th#t+ eep loce% p i$ sep#r#te c#bi$ets to #oi% # sc#$%#l* + e#$ + se% to h#e the* + %o$5t h#e #$ythi$g #$y ore,$ot ee$ # pr#ctice* The o$ly thi$g + h#e $o is this lo teper#tre th#t +5 re#lly st#rti$g to orry #bot* Those toi%s +5e got ori$g &or e i$ the e%ic#l te$t #re$5t orth # %#$ #s %i#g$ostici#$s* All they $o ho to %o iscopl#i$* They thi$ they5e got trobles9 >h#t #bot e9 They shol% h#e bee$ i$ y o&&ice th#t %#y ith those to$elye%s looi$g #t e #s thogh + ere telli$g the soethi$g $obo%y5% eer he#r% o& be&ore* .o $eer s##$ybo%y so i$tereste%* .o e#$ lie this9 he #se% e, #$% ore% the o%els &or hisel& #hile* .o $o, + c#$see here # cert#i$ type o& perso$ ight get # big ic ot o& %oi$g 3st th#t* Th#t5s it, + tol% hi* /o, yo go hoe#$% try it y #y &or # &e o$ths #$% see h#t h#ppe$s* O#y9 O#y, they s#i%, #$% p#i% e i$ c#sh ithot #$y#rge$t* H#e # goo% tie, + tol% the, #$% they th#$e% e #$% #le% ot together* He h#% his #r #ro$% her#ist #s thogh he col%$5t #it to get her hoe #$% pt it to her #g#i$* A &e %#ys l#ter he c#e b#c #ll by hisel$% tol% y $rse he h#% to see e right ##y* As soo$ #s e ere #lo$e, he p$che% e i$ the $ose*55He %i% h#t955He c#lle% e # ise gy #$% p$che% e i$ the $ose* >h#t #re yo, # ise gy9 he s#i%, #$% $oce% e &l#t o$ y#ss* Po Jst lie th#t* +5 $ot i%%i$g*5

5+ $o yo5re $ot i%%i$g,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 57t hy %i% he %o it955Ho shol% + $o hy he %i% it95 0oc 0#$ee# retorte% ith #$$oy#$ce*5'#ybe it h#% soethi$g to %o ith S#i$t A$tho$y950oc 0#$ee# looe% #t .oss#ri#$ bl#$ly* 5S#i$t A$tho$y95 he #se% ith #sto$ishe$t* 5>ho5s S#i$t A$tho$y955Ho shol% + $o95 #$sere% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t, st#ggeri$g i$si%e the te$t 3st the$ ith # bottle o& hisey cr#%le%i$ his #r #$% sitti$g hisel& %o$ pg$#ciosly betee$ the to o& the*0oc 0#$ee# rose ithot # or% #$% oe% his ch#ir otsi%e the te$t, his b#c boe% by the cop#ct it o& i$3sticesth#t #s his perpet#l br%e$* He col% $ot be#r the cop#$y o& his roo#te*Chie& >hite H#l&o#t thoght he #s cr#4y* 5+ %o$5t $o h#t5s the #tter ith th#t gy,5 he obsere% repro#ch&lly* 5He5sgot $o br#i$s, th#t5s h#t5s the #tter ith hi* +& he h#% #$y br#i$s he5% gr#b # shoel #$% st#rt %iggi$g* Right here i$the te$t, he5% st#rt %iggi$g, right $%er y cot* He5% strie oil i$ $o tie* 0o$5t he $o ho th#t e$liste% #$ strc oilith # shoel b#c i$ the St#tes9 0i%$5t he eer he#r h#t h#ppe$e% to th#t i% - h#t #s the $#e o& th#t rotte$ r#tb#st#r% pip o& # s$ot$ose b#c i$ Color#%o955>i$tergree$*55>i$tergree$*5

5He5s #&r#i%,5 .oss#ri#$ e8pl#i$e%*5Oh, $o* /ot >i$tergree$*5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t shoo his he#% ith $%isgise% #%ir#tio$* 5Th#t sti$i$g little p$ise-gy so$ o& # bitch #i$5t #&r#i% o& $obo%y*5

13 | P a g e


14/157

50oc 0#$ee#5s #&r#i%* Th#t5s h#t5s the #tter ith hi*55>h#t5s he #&r#i% o&955He5s #&r#i% o& yo,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5He5s #&r#i% yo5re goi$g to %ie o& p$eo$i#*55He5% better be #&r#i%,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t s#i%* A %eep, lo l#gh rble% throgh his #ssie chest* 5+ ill, too, the&irst ch#$ce + get* .o 3st #it #$% see*5Chie& >hite H#l&o#t #s # h#$%soe, s#rthy +$%i#$ &ro Ol#ho# ith # he#y, h#r%-bo$e% ce #$% tosle% bl#ch#ir, # h#l&-bloo%e% Cree &ro E$i% ho, &or occlt re#so$s o& his o$, h#% #%e p his i$% to %ie o& p$eo$i#* He

#s # gloeri$g, e$ge&l, %isillsio$e% +$%i#$ ho h#te% &oreig$ers ith $#es lie C#thc#rt, ?or$, 7l#c #$%H#ereyer #$% ishe% they5% #ll go b#c to here their losy #$cestors h#% coe &ro*5.o ol%$5t beliee it, .oss#ri#$,5 he ri$#te%, r#isi$g his oice %eliber#tely to b#it 0oc 0#$ee#, 5bt this se% to be# pretty goo% co$try to lie i$ be&ore they lose% it p ith their go%%# piety*5Chie& >hite H#l&o#t #s ot to ree$ge hisel& po$ the hite #$* He col% b#rely re#% or rite #$% h#% bee$#ssig$e% to C#pt#i$ 7l#c #s #ssist#$t i$tellige$ce o&&icer*5Ho col% + le#r$ to re#% or rite95 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t %e#$%e% ith sil#te% belligere$ce, r#isi$g his oice #g#i$so th#t 0oc 0#$ee# ol% he#r* 5Eery pl#ce e pitche% or te$t, they s#$ #$ oil ell* Eery tie they s#$ # ell,they hit oil* A$% eery tie they hit oil , they #%e s p#c p or te$t #$% go soepl#ce else* >e ere h#$ %ii$i$gro%s* Or hole ily h#% # $#tr#l #&&i$ity &or petrole %eposits, #$% soo$ eery oil cop#$y i$ the orl% h#%tech$ici#$s ch#si$g s #ro$%* >e ere #l#ys o$ the oe* +t #s o$e hell o& # #y to bri$g # chil% p, + c#$ tell yo*+ %o$5t thi$ + eer spe$t ore th#$ # ee i$ o$e pl#ce*5His e#rliest eory #s o& # geologist*5Eery tie #$other >hite H#l&o#t #s bor$,5 he co$ti$e%, 5the stoc #ret tr$e% bllish* Soo$ hole %rilli$g cresere &olloi$g s #ro$% ith #ll their e6ipe$t 3st to get the 3p o$ e#ch other* Cop#$ies beg#$ to erge 3st so

they col% ct %o$ o$ the $ber o& people they h#% to #ssig$ to s* 7t the cro% i$ b#c o& s ept groi$g* >e$eer got # goo% $ight5s sleep* >he$ e stoppe%, they stoppe%* >he$ e oe%, they oe%, chc#go$s,bll%o4ers, %errics, ge$er#tors* >e ere # #li$g bsi$ess boo, #$% e beg#$ to receie i$it#tio$s &ro soe o&the best hotels 3st &or the #o$t o& bsi$ess e ol% %r#g i$to to$ ith s* Soe o& those i$it#tio$s ere ightyge$eros, bt e col%$5t #ccept #$y bec#se e ere +$%i#$s #$% #ll the best hotels th#t ere i$iti$g s ol%$5t#ccept +$%i#$s #s gests* R#ci#l pre3%ice is # terrible thi$g, .oss#ri#$* +t re#lly is* +t5s # terrible thi$g to tre#t # %ece$t,loy#l +$%i#$ lie # $igger, ie, op or spic*5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t $o%%e% sloly ith co$ictio$*5The$, .oss#ri#$, it &i$#lly h#ppe$e% - the begi$$i$g o& the e$%* They beg#$ to &ollo s #ro$% &ro i$ &ro$t* Theyol% try to gess here e ere goi$g to stop $e8t #$% ol% begi$ %rilli$g be&ore e ee$ got there, so e col%$5tstop* As soo$ #s e5% begi$ to $roll or bl#$ets, they ol% ic s o&&* They h#% co$&i%e$ce i$ s* They ol%$5tee$ #it to strie oil be&ore they ice% s o&&* >e ere so tire% e #lost %i%$5t c#re the %#y or tie r#$ ot* O$eor$i$g e &o$% orseles copletely srro$%e% by oile$ #iti$g &or s to coe their #y so they col% ic s o&&*Eeryhere yo looe% there #s #$ oil#$ o$ # ri%ge, #iti$g there lie +$%i#$s getti$g re#%y to #tt#c* +t #s the e$%*>e col%$5t st#y here e ere bec#se e h#% 3st bee$ ice% o&&* A$% there #s $o pl#ce le&t &or s to go* O$ly theAry s#e% e* Lcily, the #r broe ot 3st i$ the $ic o& tie, #$% # %r#&t bo#r% pice% e right p ot o& the i%%le#$% pt e %o$ s#&ely i$ Loery ;iel%, Color#%o* + #s the o$ly srior*5.oss#ri#$ $e he #s lyi$g, bt %i% $ot i$terrpt #s Chie& >hite H#l&o#t e$t o$ to cl#i th#t he h#% $eer he#r% &rohis p#re$ts #g#i$* Th#t %i%$5t bother hi too ch, thogh, &or he h#% o$ly their or% &or it th#t they ere his p#re$ts,#$% si$ce they h#% lie% to hi #bot so #$y other thi$gs, they col% 3st #s ell h#e bee$ lyi$g to hi #bot th#t too*He #s ch better #c6#i$te% ith the te o& # tribe o& &irst cosi$s ho h#% #$%ere% ##y $orth i$ # %iersio$#ryoee$t #$% pshe% i$#%erte$tly i$to C#$#%#* >he$ they trie% to retr$, they ere stoppe% #t the bor%er byAeric#$ iigr#tio$ #thorities ho ol% $ot let the b#c i$to the co$try* They col% $ot coe b#c i$ bec#sethey ere re%*+t #s # horrible 3oe, bt 0oc 0#$ee# %i%$5t l#gh $til .oss#ri#$ c#e to hi o$e issio$ l#ter #$% ple#%e% #g#i$,ithot #$y re#l e8pect#tio$ o& sccess, to be gro$%e%* 0oc 0#$ee# s$icere% o$ce #$% #s soo$ ierse% i$probles o& his o$, hich i$cl%e% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t, ho h#% bee$ ch#lle$gi$g hi #ll th#t or$i$g to +$%i#$restle, #$% .oss#ri#$, ho %eci%e% right the$ #$% there to go cr#4y*5.o5re #sti$g yor tie,5 0oc 0#$ee# #s &orce% to tell hi*5C#$5t yo gro$% soeo$e ho5s cr#4y955Oh, sre* + h#e to* There5s # rle s#yi$g + h#e to gro$% #$yo$e ho5s cr#4y*55The$ hy %o$5t yo gro$% e9 +5 cr#4y* As Clei$ger*5

5Clei$ger9 >here is Clei$ger9 .o &i$% Clei$ger #$% +5ll #s hi*55The$ #s #$y o& the others* They5ll tell yo ho cr#4y + #*55They5re cr#4y*55The$ hy %o$5t yo gro$% the955>hy %o$5t they #s e to gro$% the9557ec#se they5re cr#4y, th#t5s hy*55O& corse they5re cr#4y,5 0oc 0#$ee# replie%* 5+ 3st tol% yo they5re cr#4y, %i%$5t +9 A$% yo c#$5t let cr#4y people%eci%e hether yo5re cr#4y or $ot, c#$ yo95.oss#ri#$ looe% #t hi soberly #$% trie% #$other #ppro#ch* 5+s Orr cr#4y955He sre is,5 0oc 0#$ee# s#i%*5C#$ yo gro$% hi955+ sre c#$* 7t &irst he h#s to #s e to* Th#t5s p#rt o& the rle*55The$ hy %oes$5t he #s yo to9557ec#se he5s cr#4y,5 0oc 0#$ee# s#i%* 5He h#s to be cr#4y to eep &lyi$g cob#t issio$s #&ter #ll the close c#lls he5sh#%* Sre, + c#$ gro$% Orr* 7t &irst he h#s to #s e to*5

5Th#t5s #ll he h#s to %o to be gro$%e%955Th#t5s #ll* Let hi #s e*55A$% the$ yo c#$ gro$% hi95 .oss#ri#$ #se%*


15/157

Catch 22

5/o* The$ + c#$5t gro$% hi*55.o e#$ there5s # c#tch955Sre there5s # c#tch,5 0oc 0#$ee# replie%* 5C#tch-22* A$yo$e ho #$ts to get ot o& cob#t %ty is$5t re#lly cr#4y*5There #s o$ly o$e c#tch #$% th#t #s C#tch-22, hich speci&ie% th#t # co$cer$ &or o$e5s o$ s#&ety i$ the ce o&%#$gers th#t ere re#l #$% ie%i#te #s the process o& # r#tio$#l i$%* Orr #s cr#4y #$% col% be gro$%e%* All heh#% to %o #s #s #$% #s soo$ #s he %i%, he ol% $o lo$ger be cr#4y #$% ol% h#e to &ly ore issio$s* Orr ol%be cr#4y to &ly ore issio$s #$% s#$e i& he %i%$5t, bt i& he #s s#$e he h#% to &ly the* +& he &le the he #s cr#4y

#$% %i%$5t h#e to bt i& he %i%$5t #$t to he #s s#$e #$% h#% to* .oss#ri#$ #s oe% ery %eeply by the #bsoltesiplicity o& this cl#se o& C#tch-22 #$% let ot # respect&l histle*5Th#t5s soe c#tch, th#t C#tch-22,5 he obsere%*5+t5s the best there is,5 0oc 0#$ee# #gree%*.oss#ri#$ s# it cle#rly i$ #ll i ts spi$$i$g re#so$#ble$ess* There #s #$ elliptic#l precisio$ #bot its per&ect p#irs o&p#rts th#t #s gr#ce&l #$% shoci$g, lie goo% o%er$ #rt, #$% #t ties .oss#ri#$ #s$5t 6ite sre th#t he s# it #t #ll,3st the #y he #s $eer 6ite sre #bot goo% o%er$ #rt or #bot the &lies Orr s# i$ Appleby5s eyes* He h#% Orr5sor% to t#e &or the &lies i$ Appleby5s eyes*5Oh, they5re there, #ll right,5 Orr h#% #ssre% hi #bot the &lies i$ Appleby5s eyes #&ter .oss#ri#$5s &ist &ight ith Applebyi$ the o&&icers5 clb, 5#lthogh he prob#bly %oes$5t ee$ $o it* Th#t5s hy he c#$5t see thi$gs #s they re#lly #re*55Ho coe he %oes$5t $o it95 i$6ire% .oss#ri#$*57ec#se he5s got &lies i$ his eyes,5 Orr e8pl#i$e% ith e8#gger#te% p#tie$ce* 5Ho c#$ he see he5s got &lies i$ his eyes i&he5s got &lies i$ his eyes95+t #%e #s ch se$se #s #$ythi$g else, #$% .oss#ri#$ #s illi$g to gie Orr the be$e&it o& the %obt bec#se Orr #s&ro the il%er$ess otsi%e /e .or City #$% $e so ch ore #bot il%li&e th#$ .oss#ri#$ %i%, #$% bec#se Orr,

$lie .oss#ri#$5s other, ther, sister, brother, #$t, $cle, i$-l#, te#cher, spirit#l le#%er, legisl#tor, $eighbor #$%$esp#per, h#% $eer lie% to hi #bot #$ythi$g crci#l be&ore* .oss#ri#$ h#% lle% his $e&o$% $ole%ge #botAppleby oer i$ pri#te &or # %#y or to #$% the$ %eci%e%, #s # goo% %ee%, to p#ss the or% #lo$g to Appleby hisel&*5Appleby, yo5e got &lies i$ yor eyes,5 he hispere% help&lly #s they p#sse% by e#ch other i$ the %oor#y o& thep#r#chte te$t o$ the %#y o& the eely il r$ to P#r#*5>h#t95 Appleby respo$%e% sh#rply, thro$ i$to co$&sio$ by the ct th#t .oss#ri#$ h#% spoe$ to hi #t #ll*5.o5e got &lies i$ yor eyes,5 .oss#ri#$ repe#te%* 5Th#t5s prob#bly hy yo c#$5t see the*5Appleby retre#te% &ro .oss#ri#$ ith # loo o& lo#thi$g beil%ere$t #$% sle% i$ sile$ce $til he #s i$ the 3eep ithH#ereyer ri%i$g %o$ the lo$g, str#ight ro#% to the brie&i$g roo, here '#3or 0#$by, the &i%geti$g grop oper#tio$so&&icer, #s #iti$g to co$%ct the prelii$#ry brie&i$g ith #ll the le#% pilots, bob#r%iers #$% $#ig#tors* Applebyspoe i$ # so&t oice so th#t he ol% $ot be he#r% by the %rier or by C#pt#i$ 7l#c, ho #s stretche% ot ith hiseyes close% i$ the &ro$t se#t o& the 3eep*5H#ereyer,5 he #se% hesit#$tly* 5H#e + got &lies i$ y eyes95H#ereyer bli$e% 6i44ic#lly* 5Sties95 he #se%*5/o, &lies,5 he #s tol%*H#ereyer bli$e% #g#i$* 5;lies955+$ y eyes*55.o st be cr#4y,5 H#ereyer s#i%*5/o, +5 $ot cr#4y* .oss#ri#$5s cr#4y* Jst tell e i& +5e got &lies i$ y eyes or $ot* :o #he#%* + c#$ t#e it*5H#ereyer poppe% #$other piece o& pe#$t brittle i$to his oth #$% peere% ery closely i$to Appleby5s eyes*5+ %o$5t see #$y,5 he #$$o$ce%*Appleby he#e% #$ ie$se sigh o& relie&* H#ereyer h#% ti$y bits o& pe#$t brittle #%heri$g to his lips, chi$ #$%chees*5.o5e got pe#$t brittle crbs o$ yor ce,5 Appleby re#re% to hi*5+5% r#ther h#e pe#$t brittle crbs o$ y ce th#$ &lies i$ y eyes,5 H#ereyer retorte%*The o&&icers o& the other &ie pl#$es i$ e#ch &light #rrie% i$ trcs &or the ge$er#l brie&i$g th#t too pl#ce thirty i$tesl#ter* The three e$liste% e$ i$ e#ch cre ere $ot brie&e% #t #ll , bt ere c#rrie% %irectly ot o$ the #ir&iel% to thesep#r#te pl#$es i$ hich they ere sche%le% to &ly th#t %#y, here they #ite% #ro$% ith the gro$% cre $til theo&&icers ith ho they h#% bee$ sche%le% to &ly s$g o&& the r#ttli$g t#ilg#tes o& the trcs %elieri$g the #$% it #stie to clib #bo#r% #$% st#rt p* E$gi$es rolle% oer %isgr$te%ly o$ lollipop-sh#pe% h#r%st#$%s, resisti$g &irst, the$i%li$g soothly #hile, #$% the$ the pl#$es lbere% #ro$% #$% $ose% &or#r% l#ely oer the pebble% gro$% lie

sightless, stpi%, cripple% thi$gs $til they t#8ie% i$to the li$e #t the &oot o& the l#$%i$g strip #$% too o&& si&tly, o$ebehi$% the other, i$ # 4ooi$g, risi$g ro#r, b#$i$g sloly i$to &or#tio$ oer ottle% treetops, #$% circli$g the &iel% #tee$ spee% $til #ll the &lights o& si8 h#% bee$ &ore% #$% the$ setti$g corse oer cerle#$ #ter o$ the &irst leg o& the3or$ey to the t#rget i$ $orther$ +t#ly or ;r#$ce* The pl#$es g#i$e% #ltit%e ste#%ily #$% ere #boe $i$e thos#$% &eetby the tie they crosse% i$to e$ey territory* O$e o& the srprisi$g thi$gs #l#ys #s the se$se o& c#l #$% ttersile$ce, broe$ o$ly by the test ro$%s &ire% &ro the #chi$e g$s, by #$ occ#sio$#l to$eless, terse re#r oer thei$terco, #$%, #t l#st, by the soberi$g pro$o$cee$t o& the bob#r%ier i$ e#ch pl#$e th#t they ere #t the +*P* #$%#bot to tr$ to#r% the t#rget* There #s #l#ys s$shi$e, #l#ys # ti$y stici$g i$ the thro#t &ro the r#re&ie% #ir*The 7-2!s they &le i$ ere st#ble, %epe$%#ble, %ll-gree$ ships ith ti$ r%%ers #$% e$gi$es #$% i%e i$gs* Theirsi$gle lt, &ro here .oss#ri#$ s#t #s # bob#r%ier, #s the tight cr#l#y sep#r#ti$g the bob#r%ier5scop#rte$t i$ the ple8igl#ss $ose &ro the $e#rest esc#pe h#tch* The cr#l#y #s # $#rro, s6#re, col% t$$elholloe% ot be$e#th the &light co$trols, #$% # l#rge #$ lie .oss#ri#$ col% s6ee4e throgh o$ly ith %i&&iclty* Achbby, oo$-ce% $#ig#tor ith little reptili#$ eyes #$% # pipe lie A#r&y5s h#% troble, too, #$% .oss#ri#$ se% toch#se hi b#c &ro the $ose #s they tr$e% to#r% the t#rget, $o i$tes ##y* There #s # tie o& te$sio$ the$, #tie o& #iti$g ith $othi$g to he#r #$% $othi$g to see #$% $othi$g to %o bt #it #s the #$ti#ircr#&t g$s belo too #i

#$% #%e re#%y to $oc the #ll spr#li$g i$to i$&i$ite sleep i& they col%*The cr#l#y #s .oss#ri#$5s li&eli$e to otsi%e &ro # pl#$e #bot to ll, bt .oss#ri#$ sore #t it ith seethi$g#$t#go$is, reile% it #s #$ obst#cle pt there by proi%e$ce #s p#rt o& the plot th#t ol% %estroy hi* There #s roo

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&or #$ #%%itio$#l esc#pe h#tch right there i$ the $ose o& # 7-2!, bt there #s $o esc#pe h#tch* +$ste#% there #s thecr#l#y, #$% si$ce the ess o$ the issio$ oer Aig$o$ he h#% le#r$e% to %etest eery #oth i$ch o& it, &or itsl$g hi seco$%s #$% seco$%s ##y &ro his p#r#chte, hich #s too bly to be t#e$ p &ro$t ith hi, #$%seco$%s #$% seco$%s ore #&ter th#t ##y &ro the esc#pe h#tch o$ the &loor betee$ the re#r o& the ele#te% &light%ec #$% the &eet o& the celess top trret g$$er o$te% high #boe* .oss#ri#$ lo$ge% to be here A#r&y col% beo$ce .oss#ri#$ h#% ch#se% hi b#c &ro the $ose .oss#ri#$ lo$ge% to sit o$ the &loor i$ # h%%le% b#ll right o$ top o&the esc#pe h#tch i$si%e # shelteri$g igloo o& e8tr# &l# sits th#t he ol% h#e bee$ h#ppy to c#rry #lo$g ith hi, his

p#r#chte #lre#%y hooe% to his h#r$ess here it belo$ge%, o$e &ist cle$chi$g the re%-h#$%le% rip cor%, o$e &ist grippi$gthe eerge$cy h#tch rele#se th#t ol% spill hi e#rth#r% i$to the #ir #t the &irst %re#%&l s6e#l o& %estrctio$* Th#t#s here he #$te% to be i& he h#% to be there #t #ll, i$ste#% o& h$g ot there i$ &ro$t lie soe go%%# c#$tileere%gol%&ish i$ soe go%%# c#$tileere% gol%&ish bol hile the go%%# &ol bl#c tiers o& &l# ere brsti$g #$% booi$g#$% billoi$g #ll #ro$% #$% #boe #$% belo hi i$ # clibi$g, cr#ci$g, st#ggere%, b#$gi$g, ph#$t#s#goric#l,cosologic#l ice%$ess th#t 3#rre% #$% tosse% #$% shiere%, cl#ttere% #$% pierce%, #$% thre#te$e% to #$$ihil#te the#ll i$ o$e spli$ter o& # seco$% i$ o$e #st &l#sh o& &ire*A#r&y h#% bee$ $o se to .oss#ri#$ #s # $#ig#tor or #s #$ythi$g else, #$% .oss#ri#$ %roe hi b#c &ro the $oseehee$tly e#ch tie so th#t they ol% $ot cltter p e#ch other5s #y i& they h#% to scr#ble s%%e$ly &or s#&ety*O$ce .oss#ri#$ h#% %rie$ hi b#c &ro the $ose, A#r&y #s &ree to coer o$ the &loor here .oss#ri#$ lo$ge% tocoer, bt he stoo% bolt pright i$ste#% ith his stpy #rs resti$g co&ort#bly o$ the b#cs o& the pilot5s #$% co-pilot5s se#ts, pipe i$ h#$%, #i$g #&ble s#ll t#l to 'c>#tt #$% hoeer h#ppe$e% to be co-pilot #$% poi$ti$g ot#si$g trii# i$ the sy to the to e$, ho ere too bsy to be i$tereste%* 'c>#tt #s too bsy respo$%i$g #t theco$trols to .oss#ri#$5s stri%e$t i$strctio$s #s .oss#ri#$ slippe% the pl#$e i$ o$ the bob r$ #$% the$ hippe% the#ll ##y iole$tly #ro$% the r#e$os pill#rs o& e8plo%i$g shells ith crt, shrill, obsce$e co#$%s to 'c>#tt th#t

ere ch lie the #$gishe%, e$tre#ti$g $ight#re yelpi$gs o& H$gry Joe i$ the %#r* A#r&y ol% p&& re&lectiely o$his pipe throghot the hole ch#otic cl#sh, g#4i$g ith $r&&le% criosity #t the #r throgh 'c>#tt5s i$%o #sthogh it ere # reote %istrb#$ce th#t col% $ot #&&ect hi* A#r&y #s # %e%ic#te% &r#ter$ity #$ ho loe%cheerle#%i$g #$% cl#ss re$io$s #$% %i% $ot h#e br#i$s e$ogh to be #&r#i%* .oss#ri#$ %i% h#e br#i$s e$ogh #$%#s, #$% the o$ly thi$g th#t stoppe% hi &ro #b#$%o$i$g his post $%er &ire #$% scrryi$g b#c throgh the cr#l#ylie # yello-bellie% r#t #s his $illi$g$ess to e$trst the e#sie #ctio$ ot o& the t#rget #re# to #$ybo%y else* There#s $obo%y else i$ the orl% he ol% ho$or ith so gre#t # respo$sibility* There #s $obo%y else he $e ho #s #sbig # co#r%* .oss#ri#$ #s the best #$ i$ the grop #t e#sie #ctio$, bt h#% $o i%e# hy*There #s $o est#blishe% proce%re &or e#sie #ctio$* All yo $ee%e% #s &e#r, #$% .oss#ri#$ h#% ple$ty o& th#t, ore&e#r th#$ Orr or H$gry Joe, ore &e#r th#$ 0$b#r, ho h#% resig$e% hisel& sbissiely to the i%e# th#t he st %iesoe%#y* .oss#ri#$ h#% $ot resig$e% hisel& to th#t i%e#, #$% he bolte% &or his li&e il%ly o$ e#ch issio$ the i$st#$this bobs ere ##y, holleri$g, 5H#r%, h#r%, h#r%, h#r%, yo b#st#r%, h#r%5 #t 'c>#tt #$% h#ti$g 'c>#tt iciosly #llthe tie #s thogh 'c>#tt ere to bl#e &or their bei$g p there #t #ll to be rbbe% ot by str#$gers, #$% eerybo%yelse i$ the pl#$e ept o&& the i$terco, e8cept &or the piti&l tie o& the ess o$ the issio$ to Aig$o$ he$ 0obbse$t cr#4y i$ i%-#ir #$% beg#$ eepi$g p#thetic#lly &or help*5Help hi, help hi,5 0obbs sobbe%* 5Help hi, help hi*55Help ho9 Help ho95 c#lle% b#c .oss#ri#$, o$ce he h#% plgge% his he#%set b#c i$to the i$terco syste, #&ter ith#% bee$ 3ere% ot he$ 0obbs reste% the co$trols ##y &ro Hple #$% hrle% the #ll %o$ s%%e$ly i$to the%e#&e$i$g, p#r#ly4i$g, horri&yi$

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