CHAOS IN KANSAS
As A Result, He’s Primarily Remembered As A Turn-Off
C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
He turned it on
One day at dawn And thousands soon would pay
Before the night An awful blight
Would carry stuff away
As it would hit The powdered grit
Begat a nasty cough
And when he saw Its tragic flaw
He up and turned it off!
WELCOME to Door Three!
Okay, Ron’s new book is available now! Here’s the deal. This second book of
outrageous humor is titled:
CONSIDER: While we won’t exactly dwell on it, the original
was titled:
HELP! I’M BEING HELD A PRISONER
IN A RANSOM NOTE FACTORY !
Some, alas, didn’t listen! Hence Book Two:
SECOND NOTICE !
Here now are a couple dozen brand new pieces (plus cover picture) from Book Two!
CARPE RUTABAGUM !
SECOND NOTICE!
Vodka Roulette Seen As Relief Possibility
While I’m spilling my guts
She is driving me nuts Please fetch us two drinks
On the run
Just skip all the noise’n Make one of ‘em poison And don’t even tell me
Which one!
C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky Custom-Ransom-Notes..com
ODE
TO A FLEDGLING PHYSICIAN © 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
All I can hear is plaster…
The brand new doctor sat forlorn Mulling affairs of the day
He had misdiagnosed, it was said with scorn In every conceivable way
And they heard him grieve As he took his leave, to brood out by the cactus
“O, what a tangled web we weave When at first we practice”
Thrushes, Warblers, Titmice Swallows ... You Name ‘Em
C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- Custom-Ransom-Notes.com I I I
Who me? I’m doin’ life
Old birds
Teach their young birds (And they perch on every word!)
Window glass You bet your ass
Is better seen than heard!
Decent Livers, Of Course,
Are A Significant Help As Well!
This hubby and wife Have a comfortable life
As they focus on matter That matters
They live without strife Every day of their life As they both possess Finely-tuned bladders!
C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky
Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
Story of Adam and Eve Gives one child a good ribbing!
The sermon that day Was on Adam and Eve
And one little boy Was astounded
The same little boy Felt a bit of a peeve As out of the chapel
He bounded
Alone in his room He poked at his ribs
then he let out the gasp Of his life
He yelled to his Mom “I am NOT telling fibs! I THINK I am having
A wife!”
© 2005 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- [email protected]
What Can She Say, Huh, After She’s Said, “Beat It, Bozo!”?
Lovely, sure! Moreover, pure!
But there the story flips
Would she go? Her lips said no
And her eyes said READ MY LIPS!
C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky
Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
Woman Says ‘Normal’ Squalor
Preferable To
PREFERRED Liver Squalling C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
Agatha Mahler Lived wholly in squalor And welcomed whatever
You’d give ‘er
Yet still she would holler That living in squalor
Was better than squalling In liver!
Her Bad Habit: Nail-Biting
(But NOT On The Fingers!)
Organdy Hales Always gnawed at her nails
Until friends finally wrapped ‘em In socks
But LATE on her mind Are the new press-on kind
And she NOW eats ‘em straight From the box!
C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
Examining the Convergence Of Young Females and Zits
C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
Tell him I’m pontooning in Guagabunga!
Reading in Flemish
A pimple is “blemish” You use a Dutch “B”
And that’s it
In Turkeyshoot Junction It’s “Facial Malfunction”
But everywhere else It’s a ZIT!
You can buy some creams (Oh yeah, right! In your dreams!)
That promise a night To be kissed
But here’s how it plays It will be there for days!!
(And your date Will just have to be pissed!!)
Teepipe Pee-Pipe Scores Big With Beer-Swilling Ne’er-Do-Wells
Sauerkraut ingestors right behind! C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
Ferguson Teepipe
Invented the Pee-Pipe And wrapped it in chrome
Lest they soil it
And one thing (don’t doubt it!) It’s given, without it
We could not have mastered The toilet!
Sponsored by Patrons of Oddball Projects Intl., Esq.
(POOPIE)
IF I WERE ME C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
If I were me I’d try to see
The other fellows’ points
I’d cease to roam And stay at home
And skip the boozing joints
If I were me I’d give up dames
And blot their names with paint
All this I’d be If I WERE me
But GRATEFULLY I AIN’T!
Young Bride Expires From Lethal Pillow Billow
C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
Disgusting Mel Disguised his smell
By farting in his pillow
One day his bride Just up and died
Ensnared within a billow
When Melvin’s crowd First saw the cloud
And deigned to think the worst
Throughout the town They ALL went down
When Melvin’s billow burst!
And Make DAMN Sure
The Soil Is Grounded! C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
Storms are predicted With chaos inflicted And resources bound
to be tapped
The thunder, it’s said Will awaken the dead
So make certain they’re properly wrapped!
ANOTHER STINKING LIMERICK! C: 2006 – Dr. Ron Pataky -- Custom-Ransom-Notes.com
There once was a chap with a taint Who would fart up a storm when he’d paint
His co-workers froze And the motto they chose
Was “If HE is painting, WE ain’t!
IG 4 - TURN OFF.pdfDOOR3.pdfDOOR3.pdfDOOR - FLEDGLING.pdfDOOR3.pdfDOOR THREE INTRO TOP.pdfDOOR3.pdfDOOR - PARIS DOUBLE VISION.pdfDOOR - sorry you heard that.pdfDOOR THREE INTRO TOP.pdfDOOR3 - WINDOW GLASS.pdfSECOND NOTICE - FRONT COVER.pdfULTIMATE DOOR.pdfULTIMATE DOOR.pdfZZ DOOR - TRYING TO FIX.pdfZZ DOOR - vodka roulette.pdfZZ DOOR - BUMP IS HEAD.pdfZZ DOOR - burrowed in.pdfZZ DOOR - fashion tips.pdfZZ DOOR - FINE BLADDERS.pdfZZ DOOR - fledgling PHYSICIAN.pdfZZ DOOR - having a wife.pdfZZ DOOR - LILAC MARINATE.pdfZZ DOOR - Matrimonial Listings.pdfZZ DOOR - MPD ELF.pdfZZ DOOR - NOAH BLEW IT.pdfZZ DOOR - NOW PAYS FOR THEN.pdfZZ DOOR - PARALLEL UNIVERSE.pdfZZ DOOR - PIRATE EIGHT BALL.pdfZZ DOOR - READ MY LIPS.pdfZZ DOOR - Remain Quiet.pdfZZ DOOR - squalor.pdfZZ DOOR - SYNONYM.pdf
ZZ DOOR - GLOWING INGOTS.pdfZZ DOOR - ORGANDY nail-biting.pdfZZ DOOR - SHOOT TEACH.pdfZZ DOOR - SOUFFLE.pdfZZ DOOR - ZITS AND GIRLS.pdf
ZZ DOOR - GLOWING INGOTS.pdfZZ DOOR - ORGANDY nail-biting.pdfZZ DOOR - SHOOT TEACH.pdfZZ DOOR - SOUFFLE.pdfZZ DOOR - ZITS AND GIRLS.pdf
DOOR2SUB.pdfDOOR - TEEPIPE PEE-PIPE.pdfDOOR - ursi pissipantus.pdfdoor 3 - easter easter.pdfDOOR - BRONZE.pdfDOOR - DIFF STROKES.pdfDOOR - FLEDGLING.pdfDOOR - GOLIATH.pdfDOOR - HAD WE BUT KNOWN.pdfDOOR - IF I WERE ME.pdfDOOR - MARTY.pdfDOOR - one legged duck.pdfDOOR - PARIS DOUBLE VISION.pdfDOOR - PICKING ON PROCRASTINATORS.pdfDOOR - PILLOW BILLOW.pdfDOOR - PROPERLY WRAPPED.pdfDOOR - sorry you heard that.pdfDOOR - STINKING LIMERICK.pdfDOOR - takes a committee.pdf
