Adjusting to MarriageChapter 9

Pattern of Adjustment• Marital adjustment is the process couples use to

modify their relationship as needed throughout their married life• Maintain a high level of quality in the relationship

• Continuum represents changes in the feeling and attitudes that a couple might have about their relationship• One end is a happy, satisfying and fulfilling the other end

is unhappy, dissatisfying, unfulfilling and empty • Must move back and forth somewhere in the middle of

the continuum

Hostility• Hostility – when a couple continually argues or

quarrels without settling conflicts or agreeing on solutions • May be physically abusive• Unresolved hostility has negative effects

Concession• Concession – when one spouse gives into the

other rather than working to reach a joint agreenment

Accommodation• Accommodation – when a spouse agrees to accept

and live with his or her partner’s differences

Compromise• Compromise tends to be the most satisfying way

to resolve differences in a marriage

• Compromise is finding a solution which both agree

• This will bring the greatest satisfaction to a relationship

• Read 189-189 chart 9-1

9:2

Interpersonal Adjustments

Interpersonal Adjustments• Interpersonal adjustments – when couples learn to

adjust to each other’s differneces

Thinking of WE Instead of ME• Pair adjustment – when couples adjust their

individual lifestyles to have a satisfying life together

• If a spouse sticks to a ME attitude, hostility can increase

Accepting Habits• No one is perfect• It is normal for a few of your habits to irritate your

spouse and so of their habits irritate you

Showing Appreciation • Praise, sincere compliments and thoughtfulness• Both verbal and nonverbal • When the couples shows appreciation for each

other quality of their relationship increase

Keeping Communication Lines Open• Open and honest communication needs to take

place often in a marriage

• Use the sandwich approach which is putting a negative comment between two positive comments

Revolving Conflicts• Easier to handle when they come up• Identify possible solutions• Discuss them• Choose one

Use Problem-Solving Skills• Each stage of the problem-solving process, you

may need to negotiate• You must listen to each other’s opinions and considering

the views

Staying Actively Involved with Each Other• Active Versus Passive Interaction

• Active interaction involves physical and verbal exchange between two people who are doing something together

• Passive interaction – involved only as an observer or listening such as watching television or reading books

Meeting Emotional Needs• The Need to Be Loved• The primary emotional need met in marriage is the need

to love and to be loved

• The Need for Respect and Self Actualization • The need for respect and acceptance is met when your

spouse makes your feel that you are important part of his or her life

Keeping Balance in the Relationship • Balance is maintained when both spouses work to

contribute fully to the relationship

Adjusting to Marital Roles • Marital roles carries certain responsibilities and

expectations• Spouse, friend, wage, earner, cook, caregiver or

housekeeper

• Keeping a cooperative Attitude

• Periodic Evaluation

9:3

Adapting to Financial and Social Changes

Financial Adjustments • Different views about money management can be

a major source of conflict in a marriage• After marriage both partners are responsible for the family

finances• A couple should jointly manage their money, this provides

accountabity

Social Adjustments • After marriage, the couple needs to establish their

pair identity and grow as an independent unit• They will make decisions based on discussion

between the two of them• If they make a mistake they must learn from it

and go on• Family and friends can be supportive and offer

encouragement but they also need independence for their relationship to grow

Relating to Family• A couple’s marriage joins two families.

• The marital relationship improves when good relationships are maintained with family members

Keeping Family Counsel in Perspective • Listen to family suggestions and advice but needs

to be firm in making their own decisions

• Supporting Parent in Their Adjustment• This can be hard if they are accustomed to being heavily

involved in their children's decisions.

Adjusting Friendships• A strong network of mutual friends can add to the

quality of a marriage• Share in hard times• Good friends can strengthen a marital relatinship

Adjusting to a New Community • Substitute Family – a group of nonrelatives who

encourage or help you in a way that family members would if they were present

Marriage Enrichment Programs• Marriage Enrichment Programs – programs

sponsored by community service agencies or religious or educational groups to help couples strengthen their marriages

• Couples should chose a program designed for their particular need

Marriage Counseling • Marriage Counseling – meeting with a professional

to try to improve a couple’s relationship

• When looking for a marriage counselor• Seek a qualified, licensed counselor• Check the program’s purpose and cost as well as the

counselor’s qualifications