Christy Whitman’s intervieW With John Gray · John Gray: I have several core beliefs but I think...

The ArT of Having it all

Christy Whitman’s

intervieW WithJohn Gray


Christy Whitman, The Acclaimed New York Times Best-Selling Author

A Woman’s Guide to Unlimited abundance

Copyright © 2015, Christy Whitman international. all rights reserved. | www.ChristyWhitman.com | www.theartofhavingitall.com

Having it all is not about striving for perfection, or about living our lives according to someone else’s standards

or expectations (we’ve done that for far too long).

It’s not about working ourselves to a state of exhaustion, spreading ourselves too thin, or trading inner peace and

contentment for outer trinkets of success.

Been there. Done that too.

Having it all simply means having access to all of yourself, in any moment you choose it, and in every

aspect of life that is important to you.

Go here to learn exactly how you too, can “Have it All”’

www.theartofhavingitall.com






4 Questions with Christy whitman

C: how do you define your it and your all in your life?

John Gray: oh I love talking about having it all. Having it all for me is having a lot less of what I thought was all. I am a guy and I’m very ambitious best-selling books and

make lots of money and have a big house. That’s all very nice and this is to me what having it all was and then this is not everybody’s experience but it was at that time that I was really missing something very important that was simply a simple life. My work was consuming me and I loved it I loved my work but I was doing all the time and my wife and I sensed was the barometer letting me know that you are having a good time but we miss you and we are a big part of your life and it’s like when having a good time, time passes really fast it’s like a blur and I was missing out on the other side of life which is I think having it all is feeling financially secure and ideally billing debt-free and being able to sustain comfortable life. To me having it all is to be debt-free a comfortable life and enough resources so your children have education you get to have food which is a higher standard of living than most people have because the way I look at it even to eat a healthy diet people who work on minimum wage or double minimum wage is very hard for them to even live a healthy diet. The whole world is so out of balance that is junk food that is cheaper the food that is bad for you and makes use it is cheaper than the good stuff and ironically it’s our government that subsidizes the cheap stuff. So the people who make the junk food all that is bad for us get more money from the government keep the prices low to keep out doing the organic food they don’t get the subsidy so their food is much more expensive. We really need to change all that but anyway having it all as a world as well which is more if they are equal and just at least what I can control in my own life is having another success on the monetary level and security. And on the other level which is just as important as quality personal relationships. Happiness is so key health is so key happiness and health and love. So there are things that I do that make me very happy there are people in my life where I feel love I love my wife I miss my wife when I’m away it’s a sweet feeling. I just saw the movie that the area of everything and it was so sweet it was a love story with my wife I am like an 18-year-old boy reaches over to hold her hand like I love you too sweetie. It was so sweet to have that quality relationship the relationship with my children who love me and come to me for advice and we interact with work for me. A family as such a big





part of having it all and to be happy in that family and good skills and sustain good relationships I think this is having it all is friends and I’ve got good friends and positive working relationships I am friends with all the people I work with so it’s love on one side love happiness and health and on the other side work that you can do that you feel confident about in monetary success and being out of debt. These are the things that I think is having it all. Then it becomes the challenge of being able to sustain it all. It isn’t just have it and it stays it’s an ongoing process.

C: What is your core belief about yourself or the universe that allows you to have the experience of having it all?

John Gray: I have several core beliefs but I think a driving force that has helped me in my life is the influence of my mother. My mother was a peaceful loving woman and

she radiated this message and articulated this message to me which is that it’s a spiritual message, you always have what you need in life. And if it seems like you don’t it’s because you’re looking in the wrong direction. So you have to make a change and you will find that the support you need what you need is available to you and that’s a major part of having it all. Having it all is I have everything I need so when you are looking at something that is missing in your life instead of making yourself wrong are making somebody else wrong which typically happens is to go okay let me look elsewhere without forsaking that person or situation or blaming that situation and see where I can get that. Let me give you an example of that there was a resentment I felt in my early years of marriage with Bonnie. We have been married 30 years. Here I am a public speaker sometimes I get standing ovations and people want me to sign their book and they think I wonderful so that makes you feel like I am quite wonderful. Then I would be at home discussing some of my new ideas like Men are from Mars these are ideas I came up with they were written in books before and I would run these ideas out and usually she would be the first person I would share things with and she would always argue with them. She was like no that’s ridiculous oh that’s not true and that day I would be sharing my ideas with my counseling clients who would pay me money to hear me speak and they would say wow what a great idea. I thought how was that these people over here who aren’t my wife and family they think of wonderful and how is it that my wife doesn’t? So that was a resentment and then I realized I have a need for people to like my ideas I have a need for people to unconditionally go John must have a good idea I had that need that it was with my clientele with the people in my workshops. And I don’t need that





from my wife I don’t need everything from my wife and that’s not why I fell in love with my wife she is not a client of mine in therapy who thought I had good ideas she thinks I am a great guy and she is in love with me and what a wonderful fun guy and to be with and intelligent guy and smart guy. So I realized I am not I don’t have to get everything from her if you try to put all of your eggs in one basket you will always be disappointed because we’re supposed to look and have a full life and get our needs met different places and I did write a whole book on this which is talking about the core belief we always have what we need but we are looking in the wrong direction and that’s called how to get what you want and want what you need. So what would you have? And I talk about different basic primary needs that we have as human beings and one of the need is for higher power or at least a higher potential and if we are not actively engaging and the feeling that need either through self-help religion spirituality relationship guru therapist whatever it might be or even learning how to shoot an arrow a higher power that somebody knows something more than me that inspires me that’s a need and if you don’t have it and fulfill that need within yourself that in your marriage you will expect your partner to be perfect. You will expect them to be the higher power and we would be all upset that they are not perfect or get upset with ourselves that we are not perfect. There is a place to get a certain need met and if we look at the wrong direction it doesn’t register with gratitude and appreciation and it rich our lives. We need food vitamins whatever if we are missing one something goes wrong so we need that as a need another need we have someone we trust. Who is not perfect but that would be like in the first stage of our life the womb and God and universe was there taking care of us we don’t need to do anything. As children we are dependent on caretakers and to the extent to give what we need as a child and somebody was able to give that to us we learn to trust and that is a very important need. And when people don’t have that as a young child for the rest of their life that is a primary need they will have. These are the people who get a lot out of therapy or get a lot out of having a teacher because they didn’t get that experience where they could trust the universe because you couldn’t your parents weren’t there it wasn’t their fault they just couldn’t do it. So this means as a sole you came into this world and that becomes a bigger need that you have and you have to be responsible to fulfill that need and if you look again into your personal relationship or marriage or children let’s say your marriage and you haven’t found someone else in your life that you trust then you demand your partner to be perfect so when your partner is late for example you might react by oh I can never trust them they are always this way and this is a childlike part of our brain and we don’t want to project that as a parent figure in our partner we need to have the parents figure that can be teachers or people you trust and depend on. Then





there is another need that we have which is joy we need to have fun and that find we need safety. That’s what games are. Some people their whole lives a very serious because from the age of seven to puberty it wasn’t safe for them it was just scary and there wasn’t enough organization or structure for them to unfold and have fun and play. So a lot of people their whole lives they are not happy and then they are not happy in their marriage or their work or in their relationship with God whatever it is they are not happy because they haven’t learned how to play and have fun, how to do things that have no purpose other than just have fun. Other than just a game. And that’s when you learned then when you are happy when someone else plans are when you went there is a sense of safety structure and order. If we don’t have it at that age suddenly that becomes a bigger need in our lives and once again we have to find and create situations or play to enjoy ourselves so that’s kind of an example throughout life as the soul is becoming more mature more and more needs are there. And we have to become experts at meeting those needs and it’s kind of like that Chinese performance when they spend the place to start with one plate that’s the first need now spin this one but may have to go back and spend that one again and then you have a third one and then a fourth plate which is after puberty then we are starting to develop our self-awareness which is what can I do what am I good at? And that is learning new things to develop our skills. What I tell people to do to stay young is learn new things. There has to be something you are learning. Every week I’m learning something new and I am in such a wonderful position in life because I am a teacher and I can teach what I just learned. It’s part of my work and profession to learn new things but with a lot of people submit space stop learning they start dying. It’s like they stop growing and learning is such an important thing developing and testing out. It’s like the more we know the older we get because we think we know it all instead of realizing the more we know we don’t know that’s the real attitude. I know people in their 70s who say I don’t know anything because once you know how big everything is all my gosh there is so much more. These are different needs that we have and then the need for autonomy this is in the 20s we have to learn how to be completely self-sufficient is terms as where does my happiness come from? There is an inner source of happiness and this becomes the foundation of the secret which is to manifest, you first have to find fulfillment inside so that your happiness is not dependent on the thing which is coming because then you are unhappy and constantly going to draw to you things that are going to make you unhappy you have to find the happiness inside come back to that place whenever life is not fulfilling you, you come back in here find your authentic desire and the universe matches that up and slowly but surely what you’re wanting comes into your life.





C: When you are in a place of having it all what is that bottom line essence feeling for you?

John Gray: gratitude. Gratitude is oh gosh I always feel so lucky I feel so grateful and love and happy. Those of the feelings gratitude love and happy.

C: Can you offer one piece of advice to help them to get into that space of having it all?

John Gray: well the first step is when, I just had a distraction for a moment my wife was calling to me. So one simple way is take the risk. There are so many things

we do to stay in our comfort zone and so we think oh I like to be this way I don’t like that but really we are afraid of taking that step so become aware of what your fears are which hold you back. Realize here is an example of that I used to think I didn’t like to socialize much and I said why and I thought because it like to and then I said why don’t I like to and had to look deeper and I realized I was afraid of not knowing what to say and I was afraid people wouldn’t like me I was afraid somebody would think less of me they are to think of more of me now they will think less of me so I would lose. So you become aware of your fears and actually feel your fears that hold you back once you can feel the fear is now you are feeling. We are talking about how to feel gratitude so once you feel your fears then you ask yourself what I telling myself right now? If I’m afraid people won’t like me I am telling myself the subconscious message to have to identify consciously it’s like the old voice telling me nobody is going to like you, you are not going to know what to say don’t remember that time and you stood up and everybody laughed you do you want them to laugh at you again? You have to become aware of the subconscious dialogue going on inside and identify what you are saying to yourself. What is your fear what you telling yourself to be afraid it’s like this grown-up telling this child you should be afraid and want to feel those feelings than simply write out what you are grateful for? You have to connect to the part of you which is afraid because whenever you were afraid you are focusing on what you don’t have. Fear is about oh I don’t have help or positive feelings or enough intelligence or don’t have enough skills whatever it is what I don’t have so getting in touch with what you don’t have now





write out what you feel grateful for and just start saying I feel grateful of my hands can move I feel grateful that I can see I feel grateful that I am alive so grateful I have this opportunity and so grateful I don’t have to be perfect and I can be loved. Start developing all these ideas you can be grateful for in that anxiety just goes away. Oh my gosh but just saying I’m grateful sometime doesn’t have a feeling because we are numb to our feelings and we have to realize why are we feeling and usually it’s fear and usually we can’t feel our fear simply because we are not stepping out of our comfort zone. A lot of people are peaceful in their life and have no fear and when they get in touch of what they wish for what they want, often they won’t go there because they think it’s not possible but if you could what would you want, nugget behind it feel the part of your soul who wants to do more have more be more, I want and as soon as you feel what you want now take action commit yourself and boom now you will feel your fears and once you feel your fears you are feeling again you can identify the false beliefs that are causing that fear and then you simply go into practice and acknowledge gratitude. Oprah is a wonderful example of that a woman who has manifested many of her dreams who has taken risks. She has taken risks and she has felt those fears whatever she said she is afraid what am I going to say who is going to sue me next what will happen now it will I do the right or wrong thing? When you are running first on a track you are always looking behind you who is going to catch up there is a lot of fear. For her the technique is she has a gratitude Journal, every day she writes in her gratitude Journal just to keep her centered. The reason it works so powerfully but for her because she is also in touch with her fears and she is also taking action and not letting fear hold her back. I want to acknowledge you for a moment and I’m going to take away from our conversation what are those having it all moments and I am going to commit myself this week to having it all at least several times a day pausing and appreciating and feeling grateful for having it all even though my life is not perfect and there is always more and more but I was just thinking yesterday doing the tree trimming with my grandchildren and I was sitting back going gosh is this beautiful or not having it all there are healthy to have my children here and there are lots of challenges here and there but to focus on what I do have realized right now I’m having it all. And thank you so thank you for that.





John grayJohn Gray is the leading relationship expert in the world and best-selling author of MenAre from Mars, Women Are from Venus. John’s books have sold over 50 million copies in50 different languages around the world. His many books, videos and seminars teachmen and women how to understand, respect and appreciate their difference in bothpersonal and professional relationships. John’s newest book teaches us how achieve amore comfortable and productive work environment and is titled Work with Me: The 8Blind Spots between Men and Women in Business.For more than 35 years, John Gray has conducted public and private seminars forthousands of participants. In his highly acclaimed books, videos and transformationalseminars, John’s purpose is to create a world where men and women understand,respect, appreciate and ultimately work together.Liongsate/Summit Entertainment has purchased the rights to John Gray’s bestseller“Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” with the intention of creating a featurefilm and TV series. Star Reese Witherspoon and commercial directing whiz BryanBuckley joined the project with an anticipated release date of 2015. The book will beadapted into a romantic comedy, with BermanBraun’s Andrew Mittman producing.John Gray has appeared on Dr. Oz, Suzanne Somers, Oprah, The Today Show, CBSMorning Show, Good Morning America, The Early Show, The View, The Couch, Fox &Friends Weekend, Good Morning New York, CNN, Politically Incorrect, Larry King andothers. He has been profiled in Newsweek, Time, Forbes, USA Today, TV Guide andPeople, among scores of other major programs. John Gray lives with his wife and familyin Northern California.

http://www.marsvenus.com





Right at this moment, no matter how you are feeling, no matter how in debt you might be, no matter how old you are or how much you weigh, and no matter what the condition of your relationships might be, you have the power to re-create yourself and your life exactly the way you desire it to be – and quite frankly, the way you deserve it to be.

Regardless of how big a gap exists between what you want and what you currently have, within you is the ability to effortlessly and joyfully bridge that gap in virtually every aspect of your life.

You can have it all, how you define it, how you want it. You do have the power to create it.

Go here to learn exactly how you can start having it all today!


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Christy Whitman’s intervieW With John Gray · John Gray: I have several core beliefs but I think...

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