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THE 6 COMPETENCIES the essential skills necessary to successfully develop character Taylor Hartman, PhD
THE6COMPETENCIES
the essential skills necessary to successfully develop character
Taylor Hartman, PhD
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This guide may not be copied, reproduced, dismantled, quoted or presented without the express written approval of Color Code International. The Color Code, The People Code, and Color Your Future are the intellectual property of the author, Taylor Hartman, PhD.
No part of this publication covered by the copyright herein may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (graphically, electronically, or mechanically, including photocopying, recording, or taping) without the written permission of the publisher.
©2012 Color Code International145 W. Crystal Ave. | Salt Lake City, UT 84115
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The Color Code laid groundwork for the next step in your journey, which is the process of developing character. The path to developing character began with your exploration of the Color Code, the identification of your driving core motive, and your innate personality. Chances are, the Color Code process helped you gain remarkable insights about who you are and confirmations of the highest in you. You also gained critical understanding about key relationships in your life: what makes some of them “work” better than others do, and why you naturally gravitate to some people.
You will remember Motive is inborn while character is learned and developed over a lifetime. Obviously, Motive plays a significant role in developing ones’ character. Throughout the process of developing character, you will be challenged to regularly “look in the mirror”, to really explore why you do what you do, why you choose your behaviors and communication patterns, and why you choose the relationships you do.
What you have learned to this point gives solid foundation for the charactering process. To become fully charactered you will need to demonstrate proficiency in six basic competencies: clean up motives; value self; seek truth; discover balance, focus commitments and serve others.
Likewise, there are essential skills or competencies necessary to successfully develop character. A competency is a skill that a person demonstrates with proficiency. To achieve becoming charactered, you must become proficient in the following six competencies.
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ServeOthers
FocusCommit-
ments
DiscoverBalance
CleanMotives
SeekTruth
ValueSelf
TheCharactering
Process
1. Value Self means appreciation of your own gifts. This skill comes most naturally to Yellows.
2. Seek Truth requires you to confront whatever facts will enable you to see yourself as others see you.
3. Clean Your Motives is to acknowledge what motivates your choices. Are you motivated to create win/win results in your relationships or do more often seek win/lose, lose/lose, or lose, win?
4. Discover Balance helps you recognize your priorities and assists in assuring they are balanced. This is most natural for Whites.
5. Focus Commitments is a way to decide on which priority to focus. You will not easily be pulled off into distractions when you establish what is most important. This is most natural for Reds.
6. Serve Others means just that. Share your many gifts to ease the burdens of others. This is most natural for Blues.
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Just as each of us come pre-packaged with a set of strengths and limitations, we also come with a natural propensity for some competencies, and a natural struggle to achieve the other competencies. Being naturally adept at any of these competencies does not mean there is no work to do in that area!
As you study these six competencies, you are likely to note parts of each skill you have already have achieved. There will be other dimensions of each in which you will be weak. As mentioned, there are no shortcuts to become charactered and there are no developing these competencies. The competencies are formed into a circle to remind you that this is an ongoing process. You will find yourself revisiting these competencies repeatedly as you work through new personal and professional growth challenges. Each time life poses a new challenge, or each time that your life circumstances change, you will feel the need to review these competencies.
ServeOthers
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CleanMotives
SeekTruth
ValueSelf
DiscoverBalance
Competency #1—Value Self To understand your inherent value you must comprehend who you are and what you are capable of doing. Valuing self is essential to the process of developing character. People who value themselves have the unique ability to accept themselves as they are. They not only appreciate their gifts, strengths and natural talents, but also to accept the things that they don’t like about themselves. They accept that a person can work past those flaws by using one’s natural gifts. That is the key.
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Self Esteem and Self ConfidenceThe terms self-esteem and self-confidence are often used inter-changeably but they are distinct gifts and integral to developing character.
Self-esteem is the marker of a person who simply values self. Self-esteem is not about measuring your own worth through your resume. Self-esteem is not about measuring your worth based on the express views of others. Self esteem means valuing yourself simply because you exist. Self-confidence, on the other hand, is a belief in one’s ability to conquer any challenge, task or obstacle. They can always do the job and achieve the desired results. However, having one does not mean you automatically have the other.
Self-confidence is natural for Reds, while for Yellows self-esteem is a natural gift. A person’s secondary color also plays into this picture and can easily influence the natural capacity for self-esteem and self-confidence. If the traits of your secondary color are strengths they can help scale both these mountains. For example a Yellow with secondary Red is more likely to have self-confidence than a Yellow with secondary White.
To become fully charactered, you must scale both the mountain of self-esteem and the mountain of self-confidence.
Each color can have difficulty when it comes to truly developing self-esteem and self-confidence.
Yellows are most inclined to believe that self-esteem alone is enough to succeed in life. They equate self-esteem with self-confidence. That belief can inhibit them from working to ensure they acquire self confidence as well.
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Reds, conversely, believe that having confidence in their own abilities is enough to achieve. They equate self-confidence with self-esteem. This belief allows them to hide their lack of self-esteem and minimize its importance.
Blues sometimes fall into the trap of being a victim or martyr. They rely heavily on the opinion of others to determine their worth. Self-doubt bars them from developing either self-esteem or self-confidence.
Whites can struggle with the motivation to develop either self-esteem or self-confidence. If they don’t see the logic in working for a change, they will be inclined to leave well enough alone. They prefer remaining comfortable to the disruptive results of changing.
These challenges notwithstanding, each motive type is capable of developing both self-esteem and self-confidence. The benefits of acquiring both are myriad. Think of the successful people you know. Not necessarily the people who have accomplished or contributed a great deal. They may have both self-confidence and self-esteem in abundance but don’t be fooled by their vita. Look to those, regardless of their circumstances, who have a sense of self that is a part of all they do. There is a calm strength that assures they will always come out on top, no matter what the challenge.
Challenges to Valuing Self
Each motive type has particular challenges when it comes to valuing self.
Reds, with their core Motive of Power, tend to value themselves based on their productivity. Their worth is reflected in their success.
Blues, with their core Motive of Intimacy, struggle to value self with
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the belief they can never measure up to their own high standards. They often depend on the express appreciation of others to feel valued.
Whites, with their Motive of Peace, often pay a high personal price in order to preserve a peaceful atmosphere and feel comfortable. They must learn to value themselves to speak up and share their thoughts and ideas.
Yellows, with their core Motive of Fun, have the most natural ability to value self. They truly like themselves simply because they breathe.
What Keeps People from Valuing Themselves?
Many people believe they are fully self-aware. They believe they have complete knowledge of and are entirely in tune with themselves. The true test of being fully self aware is in the application of that knowledge. It is not enough to be self-aware if you are not also applying that knowledge to create positive change in your life. Some spend a disproportionate amount of time focused on the questions, issues and problems rather than seeking and working toward answers. To value self requires a solutions-orientation to life for positive change.
People who profess to be highly self aware, are often unaware of their impact on others. When a person values self, a sincere interest in others accompanies the trait. They want to know how others perceive them in order to improve relationships. One of the most difficult and, yet, instructive exercises you can do is ask for feedback from those around you on how they see your strengths and weaknesses. The insights gained can create an invaluable dialogue that can support change.
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One sure sign that a person truly values him or herself is their ability to take 100% responsibility. They understand and accept that each of us is 100% responsible for the nature of our relationships. Those that don’t value self find ways to blame others for flawed relationships. It is much easier to focus on the behavior of the other party to explain the issue. For example, if he would just communicate more clearly, I would know how to move forward on this report.
Those who value themselves, do not blame or feel like victims. They willingly admit they are wrong and understand that the relationship is more important than being right. The concept of being 100% responsible is critical to valuing self.
ServeOthers
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CleanMotives
SeekTruth
ValueSelf
DiscoverBalance
COMPETENCY #2 – Seeking Truth The concept and skill of seeking truth begins with an understanding of the difference between universal truths and personal truths. Universal truths, are commonly accepted realities. The sun rises in the east is an example of a universal truth. There are truths that go beyond the limited boundaries of personal or cultural bias. Universal Truths are constant and consistent.
Personal truth, on the other hand, refers to the specific way or manner an individual chooses to frame their life experience. Personal truths are reflective of our own individual style, and are colored by our personality. It is in our nature to seek personal truths that resonate with our core. A simple example will help illustrate.
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Universal Truth: Healthy bodies are physically fit.
Personal Truth: I play basketball to stay physically fit.
When we begin to explore and seek truth, it is infinitely easier to see others failure to see their personal truth than it is to see the same failure in ourselves.
The Importance of Congruency with Self
There is often a gap between how we see ourselves and how others see us. We look in the mirror and see the person we think others see. Our perception is our reality. However, there is often a disconnect between our reality and that of others around us. For example, someone who was slender in their youth continues to see themselves as a size small, despite gaining a significant amount of weight. For others, seeing this image of a size large in a size small shirt is not appealing.
The process of looking in the mirror and seeing what others see can be painful but also very instructive. Embracing flawed perceptions only proves to promote defective habits and facilitate the persistence of detrimental behaviors. The result of flawed perceptions is the status quo. Nothing improves. On the other hand, the discovery and acceptance of the truth about ourselves is an opportunity to shift our personal paradigm to more accurately reflect truth. That reality, or truth, can set us on a path of building character and receiving the satisfaction that comes from lifelong learning and progression. Figuratively speaking, we can either lose weight to become a size small or live happily wearing a size large.
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Perception RealityReality
One of the best sources to bridge the gap of perception to reality is receive feedback from those around us. To truly seek truth, you must be willing to hold yourself under a microscope and gauge if there is validity to common perceptions about you. For example, if you, as a Red, consistently receive feedback that you are arrogant, will you dismiss it because that is not how you see yourself or will you accept that feedback and make needed adjustments?
Seeing with New Eyes
As mentioned previously, this path to become charactered is a constant process of self-assessment. One cannot change what one does not see or acknowledge. Some of what you are coming to grasp about yourself may feel foreign. You are literally being challenged to see yourself with new eyes. The concept of seeking truth requires that you peel away the protective layers, and develop the capacity to shift your personal paradigm. It means assigning new, different meaning to things we have been ignoring, buried, or simply have been ignorant of knowing in our lives. (In this case, ignorance is NOT bliss!)
This idea of seeing with new eyes often means beginning with the development of new attitudes about others and ourselves.
To see with new eyes you must accept the following:
• Wecannotchangewhatwecannotsee.Wecannotbecomecongruent if we don’t see the ways in which we are incongruent.
• Congruentpeopleliveintheirstrengths,andaligntheir
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thoughts, feelings, and actions with their commitments to create legitimacy.
• Peoplewhoarecongruentliveandbehaveaccordingtowhatthey truly value, and according to their core Motive.
• Ifyouarenotaligned,youcreatecompetingforceswithinyourself. The lack of congruency sends ineffective and mixed messages.
In the search for truth, there are those who have to face the fact they are a different core motive than they previously thought or wanted to be. Often, personality filters sometimes block a person from recognizing his or her core Motive. This can happen when the strengths of their driving core motive are not valued in a key environment or relationship. Here are a few of those filters:
• Othercolorsaremorevaluedbyaparent• Childabuse• Majormedicalconditions• Authoritarianparent• Lowself-esteem• Dominantreligiousbeliefs • Significantsecondarycolorismorevalued• Movingalotasachild
If your core color doesn’t seem to fit it is likely due to one of these filters or another not listed here. Another possibility for a disguised core motive is a strong secondary color. We cannot change what we cannot see. We cannot change what we have not identified. A person who refuses to accept unpleasant truths will eventually pay a serious price, personally and professionally. A fuller life awaits those who will see themselves more accurately and make adjustments where needed.
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Confronting the Brutal Facts
Jim Collins, in his book, Good to Great, addressed the importance of confronting brutal facts. We can confront the harsh realities about ourselves and make the painful, seemingly risky adjustments for greater success and character or dismiss those facts and maintain our status quo with the same results as always.
The idea of brutal facts can conjure very negative images and the response can be fight—with defensiveness or flight--with denial. However, the brutal facts are simply terms meaning to dig deeply for honest answers and use that information in a constructive way.
Another way to approach this idea of confronting the brutal facts is to ask “What would the nanny-cam tell me about myself?” In their absence, parents are able to keep a watchful eye on their children’s caregivers. Imagine you were under surveillance 24 hours a day for an extended period of time. What would the camera see? Would you be proud of your every action? Would you show up as a person who behaves and communicates in a way that is consistent with your espoused life principles and values? Or, would you be hoping that the camera suffered some kind of glitch and failed to capture some of your less than proud moments? What would others see if they were to watch an entire, unedited series of your nanny-cam recording?
To confront the brutal facts about yourself you must be willing to:• Seeyourselfasothersseeyou• Acceptthetruthbyavoidingdeceptionanddenial• Makethenecessaryadjustmentstoimprove
Avoiding Truth
There is a strong temptation to focus on the performance of others
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and see where they need to improve. It is a quick, easy way to keep the attention off of our own need for improvement and is best aided by the twins: deception and denial.
Each Motive type has the potential, in his or her innate limitations, to avoid seeing the truth, or to manipulate situations to his or her own favor, as part of the pattern of deception and denial .
Reds can avoid seeing or grasping the truth when they are wrapped up in their need to be right. Their need to be right can quickly exclude other points of view, and creates a dynamic of “I am right, therefore you are wrong.” Reds’ need to hide insecurities tightly can prevent them seeking feedback from others.
Blues readily accept difficult truths about themselves because they are already self-critical naturally. The challenge comes in what they do with the information after they receive it. They must use the feedback constructively or they can be overwhelmed and immobilized by their limitations.
Whites avoid seeing truth because of their natural tendency to be contented. If the truths revealed require significant changes, the peace and comfort they long for will be disrupted. Why face facts that will create disruption?
Yellows naturally avoid facing facts. They so easily like who they are that it is particularly difficult to hear there is ‘trouble in paradise.’ Yellows too often think that others will forgive their limitations because they are so charming.
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ServeOthers
FocusCommit-
ments
CleanMotives
SeekTruth
ValueSelf
DiscoverBalance
Competency #3—Cleaning Up Your Motives Cleaning your motives is essential to a charactered life. The skills of valuing self and seeking truth are foundational to this competency. None of the colors naturally excel at this competency.
There is an important distinction between driving core motive and the motives we discuss in this competency. Your driving core motive is the inborn, fundamental drive of each color: Power, Intimacy, Peace or Fun. Your motives, as discussed in this competency, refer to the intentions or purpose behind your day-to-day choices and interactions. Ultimately, the motives or the why that drive your actions determine the level of character you achieve in life.
Clean motives are always rooted in the concept of Win/Win. You have a clean motive when the purpose of your actions or behaviors is for everyone to win or succeed and gain from the decision or the relationship. Keep in mind, your interest in creating a win/win does not mean you can guarantee that outcome. The other party can always make choices the will cause a different result. Clean motives derive from a personal sense of emotional security, sincerity and genuine concern for others.
Dirty motives are actions or behaviors that set up the imbalanced result of Win/Lose, Lose/ Win or even Lose/Lose. Dirty motives are always based in fear usually born of personal insecurity and/or selfishness.
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In short, Clean motives benefit everyone. Dirty motives always benefit one party over another.
Motive Styles of the Four Colors
The innate characteristics of each core color can give different reasons for operating with dirty motives. Let’s review some of those traits.
Lose/Win means that one party chooses to lose enabling the other party to win. This is most natural to Blues. Out of genuine concern, they will often sacrifice or sublimate their own needs for the sake another. However, if a Blue feels taken for granted or, similarly, taken advantage of, the Lose/Win backfires. The Blue can fall into a martyr mindset very quickly. Resentment builds as the Blue feels they are always giving and no one returns the depth of concern evidenced in self-sacrifice. When a Blue suffers a perceived wrong, unforgiving Blue can punish the other party indefinitely.
Lose/Lose means that if one can’t win, they will make sure the other party doesn’t win either. Lose/Lose is most natural to Whites. At their worst, Whites can set up this result by refusing to engage. The White may want to avoid conflict or that refusal to engage could be their form of retribution for past offenses. Whatever the cause, their capacity for stubborn silence can be a substantial stumbling block to achieving resolve in any direction. The White loses in this scenario but so does the other party.
Win/Lose means that through one’s actions, one party will win at the expense of another party. Most natural to Reds and Yellows, win/lose is based in similar limitations: selfishness and self-centeredness, respectively. Reds can be arrogant, selfish and competitive so will win
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at any price. Yellows are sometimes vain and self-centered so they don’t see what harm there is in things going their way. Both colors assume that the other party has an equal opportunity to manipulate the situation for their purposes. If the Red or Yellow is better at it, whose fault is that?
Win/Win is the optimal result. Everyone involved succeeds or gains from the decision or the relationship.
Clean vs. Dirty Motives
The same action or behavior can be either clean or dirty – fully determined by what is driving that behavior. Here is an example of what this means. The boss gives his secretary flowers as a gesture of appreciation. His motive is clean if the flowers are an expression of appreciation for the extra hours of overtime she has given to complete a project on time. However, if the flowers are a way to thank her for covering for him the afternoon he took off to go golfing, the motive is obviously dirty.
Your intentions or what your purposes, not the behavior, determine whether a motive is clean or dirty. Even the best-looking motives can be dirty. Take your pick of any of the following dirty motives masquerading as legitimate ones: trying to please others, keeping the peace, hoping others will like us, wanting a favor. What’s more, even the best behavior can be tainted by dirty motives. Consider these examples of good behavior with dirty motives. Going to college to please your parents, getting married because you want financial security, or even taking a job because it’s the only thing out there. The truest test of your motives is whether or not you are operating out of fear. If you’re doing something because you’re afraid of
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someone’s reaction, to hide an insecurity or to satisfy a selfish need, then it is not a clean motive.
Five Steps for Cleaning Your Motives
The beauty of understanding the concept of clean and dirty motives is you can self-check and correct those motives that do not result in win/win. The foundational competencies of valuing self and seeking truth will help you in that process. Appreciating who you are gives you strength to do an honest appraisal of your own motives. You know how to take 100% responsibility for what your appraisal reflects and you are prepared to implement the five steps to clean up your motives.
Step 1—Own It. Be honest with yourself about what is driving your choices and interactions. Ask yourself “How are the strengths and limitations of my core motive affecting my decision and what are the consequences?’ Whether it is clean or dirty, be 100% accountable for your motives.
Step 2—Identify the motive as being clean or dirty. Determine if your choice is driven by fear. Check to see if the outcome is a win/win. Then verify that you are in congruence with your core Motive type. If so, are you working in strengths or limitations? You may catch yourself trying to justify your intentions. You must want to recognize and stop self-deception. You may further ask yourself, What do I gain from self-deception?
Step 3—Recognize that you can’t change what you can’t see. Seek out the perceptions and opinions of others about you. Be humble enough to hear these truths, even if they hurt at the time.
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Step 4—Replace a dirty motive with a new clean motive. It’s time for the rubber to hit the road. No more theory. Keep in mind dirty motives are reactive. Clean motives are proactive. You should be exploring win/win options. Take time to describe what a clean motive would look like in the particular situation. What options are available to you? How can you reframe your thinking?
Step 5—DO IT. Write specific goals. Review them and build in an accountability system: find someone to be your police officer, use a journal tracking system, use a coach, actively seek feedback. The process of changing one’s motives, of re-aligning one’s life to a clean motive requires commitment and accountability to be successful.
Successfully Cleaning Up Your MotivesRemember, your current habits, attitudes and behaviors have been with you for a long time! Your role models may not demonstrate clean motives. However, you are not doomed to follow those ineffective patterns. You are fully capable of establishing new patterns and making different choices. It takes awareness, time and patience to make that happen but it is well worth the effort. The price to be charactered with clean motives will yield benefits in all your relationships. Opportunities will increase as the respect of your co-workers and supervisors grows. Think of someone you know who has integrity. Others trust and admire them. You can operate with the same level of congruence and legitimacy.
Assess your progress regularly. Appreciate new insights gained and renew your commitment to clean up your motives. You need to be open to the feedback from others. They will flag your old behaviors so you can learn more quickly. This is not an easy journey but well worth the effort to arrive at the final destination of character.
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ServeOthers
FocusCommit-
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CleanMotives
SeekTruth
ValueSelf
DiscoverBalance
COMPETENCY #4—Discover Balance Discovering balance is a highly personal journey with significant ramifications. It requires the perseverance of the Reds, the compassion of the Blues, the clarity of the Whites, and the optimism of the Yellows. Balance consists in an honest review of our highest priorities and creating alignment accordingly. Whites are most naturally adept at achieving and maintaining balance.
Definitions and Difficulties
You will find that each color has a different definition of balance. Your driving core motive determines the measuring stick you use to decide if your life in balance. Reds measure balance in terms of productivity. For example, a Red’s life is out of balance if he/she is not as productive as they need to be. Blues use connection with others to determine the balance of their lives. Whites see balance as independence and feeling good inside. If those two circumstances don’t exist in proper proportion, their life is out of balance. Yellows require appropriate amounts of freedom and discretionary time to feel their lives are balanced.
As we interact with each other, it is vital to recognize and understand the way other colors define and measure balance. There is no need to impose your definition of balance on others.
Just as each color has its own definition of balance, so does each have their individual challenges to achieve balance? The following provide insights into each color’s challenge with balance.
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A Red who insists on productivity to the exclusion of relationships and/or time for reflection may wake up one day to realize the only thing he/she is valued or known for is the work he/she was responsible for. What happens at retirement when there is no more business projects awaiting you? What if you are incapacitated and can no longer work, what will fill the void? Where will find your self-worth?
Blues for whom in-depth relationships are critical must take care to not become overly involved in or focused on the difficulties others face. The danger is that the time spent on those relationships can come at the expense of productivity. Or a Blue may become overly concerned with details in an effort to ensure quality and lose sight of a deadline.
Whites may spend an inordinate amount of time inventing solutions to serious problems and never get on with the work of actual creation. There must be a balance between both aspects of a project.
Yellows are very good at living in the moment but they must find balance against the need for effective planning and goal setting to ensure that, in the end, they meet expectations over the long haul and deliver the final product.
Work/Life Balance
Understand that work/life balance does not mean equally balanced. There is no one-size-fits-all prescription for creating effective work-life balance. It is a personal definition and varies over time, as your life circumstances change. The right balance for you today will likely be different for you tomorrow, if you start over in a new career, if you
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get more education, if you marry, if you have children, or when you are closing in on retirement.
In the book, Good to Great, Jim Collins describes a particular level 5 leader, Gillette’s CEO, Colman Mockler. He was most responsible for Gillette’s remarkable transition from good to great and yet. . . “maintained remarkable balance in his life. He did not significantly reduce the amount of time he spent with his family, rarely worked evening or weekends. He maintained his disciplined worship practices. He continued his active work on the governing board of Harvard College.” (pg. 61 of Good to Great). He understood balance. Mockler surrounded himself with good people, people he respected and could trust. All of his waking hours was spent with people he loved, doing what they loved and who loved one another. He had a balanced life and everyone noticed.
How Balanced is Your Life?
Balance does not occur in retrospect. To that point, a study was done on a group consisting of participants ninety or older. Their responses can serve as a model for discovering balance. After months of reviewing their findings, the research team placed the respondent’s ‘regrets’ into three distinct categories. They are as follows:
1. They would have contemplated more throughout their lives.2. They would have risked more throughout their lives.3. They would have left a more meaningful contribution.
In the closing scenes of your life, what will be your regrets? What priorities are you neglecting currently? How do you justify that neglect?
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Each color has a different connection to these sentiments:
Reds are typically willing to take risks. Likewise, their natural gift for vision and focus on productivity help ensure a lasting legacy. They must be careful the legacy is balanced between accomplishments and relationships
Blues and Whites typically won’t regret time spent in contemplation. By their nature, Blues and Whites are more introspective. Neither will Blues have the regret of not having left a legacy or contribution. They naturally endeavor to make a positive difference in their sphere of influence.
Yellows share with Reds in that they too will not have the regret of not having risked enough in their lifetime. By their nature, they willing accept and take risks.
From your current perspective, which of these regrets are you most likely to have? Is your current life consistent with your priorities? Life is made up of moments in the present, not past losses or future goals. If we are not clear about our values and what we are all about, we may discover too late that we missed the mark.
Another balance check is to find out what are the if – only statements that you make. Or “When things aren’t so crazy I will…” Or “Remember when we played tennis together?” What do these statements tell you about your life in the moment? What are you willing to change to make the if – only statements become realities? Are your if – only statements restricting you in your expectations and acceptance in life? For example, “If only my supervisor would express more appreciation for my contributions to the team. . .well, he/she doesn’t. Can I change that? No. Can I accept it? Yes.
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Your life balance is about where you put your energies, what consumes you whether it is good or bad.
Like water dripping on a stone, our daily choices carve the legacy of our lives. The way we spend our time and energy will determine the balance we create in our lives. Tremendous energy and significant lives are wasted simply because they don’t stop to reflect on the alignment between priorities and behavior.
Listen for those times that you find yourself expressing “if only”, or “life would be perfect if…” Those statements are your clue that something is missing, or out of place in your current picture of life. The concept of 100 % responsibility teaches that you get what you deserve. If your life is out of balance, you created it. But you also have the power to bring it back into balance. Rebalancing may mean letting go of some things to make way for others that are more in keeping with the overall balance you want in life.
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ServeOthers
FocusCommit-
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CleanMotives
SeekTruth
ValueSelf
DiscoverBalance
COMPETENCY #5—Focus Commitments
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks right to the top, rocks about two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The students laughed. He asked his students again if the jar was full.
They agreed that, yes, it was. The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. Finally, the professor poured whatever water would fit in the jar. “Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life.
“The rocks are the most important things in your life – your health, your family, your children, your friends – anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed. The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things that you make time for each day, like your job, house, or car The sand symbolizes the things we want to make time for, hobbies, sports, education etc. Water represents everything else you may want in your life.
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“If you put the sand, pebbles or water into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff – you will never have room for the things that are truly most important.” What is the cost if you continue to put the sand in your jar first? To live a great life and become charactered, it is necessary for you to focus your commitments.
Both of these words, focus and commitments are important for your journey to become charactered. Don’t let your good effort to this point be wasted with a lack of focus and commitment to action! Focusing your commitments is the ability to move from insight to action. Reds have it easy with this competency, being naturally adept at both focus and commitments.
As people become more self aware and are more informed about the charactering process, there is a huge tendency to want a complete overhaul of their lives. It is analogous to remodeling a home. Rather than try to overhaul the whole house simultaneously, it is advisable to prioritize your projects and select one room you will start with. You then develop a sense of how you want the new room to look, to feel, how it will be used, and what overall value it will add to your home. It is exciting to capture your dreams on paper
The real work of the remodeling project begins when you start putting the specific details into place, realizing the cost of the project, and identifying the step-by-step approach that will need to happen, so that you can continue living in your house, while also carrying out the remodeling work. Even at this stage, your dreams are still on paper.
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The reality of the new room starts to take form the moment you sign the loan papers and tear down the first wall!
Your pursuit of the charactered path follows the a similar format. Every aspiration you have identified to this point, every goal you have identified to become charactered is still only wishful thinking until you commit those ideas to action. The famous quote by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, said it well, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
You must have a specific plan of action and commit to complete those actions for a successful remodeling project. So it is with building your charactered path. To be effective, you can only work on one figurative room at a time rather than remodel the whole house of your life. The added value to your life comes incrementally, one room at a time. Oprah Winfrey is quoted as saying, “Energy is the essence of life. Every day you decide how you are going to use it by knowing what you want and what it takes to reach that goal and by maintaining focus.”Too many people spend a lifetime focused on the pebbles (unrewarding obligations) instead of their real priorities or, rather, the rocks. How do you fill your jar each day? Which are you putting in first? Can we be so blind about who we are and what we were born to become? To experience life without passionate commitment is to merely survive. To walk the charactered path, to live life fully, requires focused commitment to yourself, to universally held principles and to serving others.
Commit to Yourself
Commitment to self is not selfish or self centered. Rather, commitment to self is a dedication to your own priorities. A refusal to allow the pebbles to go in the jar first. Reds most naturally
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understand the importance of committing to themselves. They make plans and set goals like a duck takes to water. Reds recognize that the best defense in life is a great offense. They will not be denied an opportunity to passionately pursue their commitments in life.
The adventurer John Goddard was true to his Red personality, as well, when he committed at a young age to embracing life as a full-blown adventurer.
Highly motivated as a youth, John listed a hundred life experiences he wanted to achieve before he died. His list included a variety of events such as navigating the Nile, reading the bible, and hot air ballooning across Europe. John continues to work on his list, having accomplished seventy-five of his original hundred experiences and since adding twenty-five more he hopes to achieve. True of all healthy Reds, Goddard is greatly respected for his focused commitment to himself and the lifestyle, at a young age, he vowed to experience.
As you review your highest priorities, note what adjustments you need to make to more fully commit to yourself and the things you value most.
Commit to Universally True Principles
Committing to ourselves is just the beginning in mastering this important competency of becoming charactered. The charactered path simultaneously requires a commitment to principles of universal truth. Principled people are empowered and capable of empowering others to passionately live committed lives. Obedience to principles lays the foundation from which we earn other’s trust and respect. Principled living provides consistency. We sleep better knowing that
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the sun will rise in the morning and that a charactered friend will not change his heart and reveal a shared confidence.
What goes around comes around. At numerous places on the charactered individual’s path, one must pay his/her dues. The farther we journey without covering our debts, the higher the price will be. We must not let self-deception convince us that lunch is free that just this once our lunch is free. When we search our lives and admit our dysfunctions and/or dirty motives on a regular basis, we stay humble and more empowered to improve. Coming clean is one of life’s most freeing experiences. There is always a price and charactered people pay their dues.
Finding a Cause to Serve Others
Replacing innate limitations with charactered principles challenges us to the very core. To overcome our limitations we must have a cause, something to inspire us when fear threatens to prevent us from moving forward. A worthy cause gives us a reason greater than ourselves to pay the price required. We cannot lift another unless we get to higher ground. It sounds counter intuitive, but having an external purpose to our internal focus lends greater commitment to walking the sometimes rocky path of character. For example, a conflict-averse, White manager works to more effectively face discord on his/her team to reach their fundraising goals. That manager is more willing to sacrifice his/her own discomfort with conflict for the higher good of fundraising for a worthy cause.
Finding a cause can require persistence. The dictionary defines persistence as “going on resolutely in spite of opposition, to persevere; to remain fixed in character; to be insistent in the repetition of
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a position, or a question, or an opinion.” To show uncommon persistence requires an uncommon cause. There is no greater cause than serving others. That service is worth a total commitment to be more charactered.
The following lists provide possible limitations each color must successfully overcome to focus on a cause and be of service to others.
Reds• Theirabrasivenessearnsdisrespectfrompotentialcompanions.
• Theirpride.
• Theirself-importancemakesithardtobeginatthebottomordomenial tasks.
Blues• Theirperfectionism(“Ifitcan’tbeperfect,whydoit?”)
• Theirfocusonpersonallimitations.
• Theirlowself-esteemdiminishesthechancetoimplementcreative ideas.
Whites• Theirpreferenceforisolation.
• Theirdistressattheeffortneededtoprovetheirpoint(theycanbe lazy).
• Theirindecisivenessandhesitancytorisk.Yellows• Theirfickleloyaltybreedscontempt.
• Theirdisorganizedlifestyle,whichlacksfocus.
• Theirself-centerednessandtheirneedtoseekinstantgratification.
Our greatest gifts will always require our total commitment. Our
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most meaningful contribution can be given only after stretching to embrace the strengths of the other colors. It matters little what your life has been. It matters a great deal what it will become. As with those committed individuals who have gone before you, you will become less concerned with others’ permission to take a chance, and more enticed by your opportunities to serve.
ServeOthers
FocusCommit-
ments
CleanMotives
SeekTruth
ValueSelf
DiscoverBalance
COMPETENCY #6—Serve OthersThe best way to find yourself is be of service. Service is the optimum motive that drives the charactered life. Without the opportunity to give to our fellow human beings, we would remain limited and empty. Mastering each of the five preceding competencies is essential to serving others. Each competency you gain along the charactered path moves you closer to becoming a person who is capable of genuine service to others. As you have probably noticed, each competency stretches you beyond your innate personality and learning to serve others can be the biggest stretch for some. Blues are the most naturally adept at this skill. is based on the emotional quotient (EQ) skill of empathy.
Sharing Gifts
You can’t change without developing patience, especially patience with yourself. You have to allow yourself time to grow. The encouragement and advice of others is vital to this process of change. If you insist on trying to make these changes alone you are much more likely to fail.
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Each color has unique needs as well as gifts that can be offered to others. As you look over this chart, consider ways your innate motive can best serve and be served by others.
Serving others invites clean motives. Or, rather consistently creating a win/win in all our relationships. To serve others means to share their happiness and success. Uncharactered people resent other’s success. That resentment stems from a focus on their own pride and insecurity. Serving others frees us to refocus away from ourselves and look to the needs of others first. We are then more able to share our unique gifts for the benefit of those around us and, in so doing, find our greatest satisfaction.
Summary
The beauty of developing character is that, although it requires individual introspection, the results of that growth have far reaching consequences to teams and organizations. Everything we have discussed to this point and every step of the process to become charactered can be done in teams, as well as individually. Just imagine how much your organization could improve if every team member were committed to developing character!
Nothing of value comes easily. As you face your own flaws and take responsibility for minimizing them, you will have newfound confidence and capacity. Your relationships, both business and personal, will improve and your potential as a leader will be enhanced. Life, after all, is about relationships. The challenge is to make them as rewarding as possible.
