Care to join

Have you ever thought of writing a political ad for God? I guess this thought has crossed my mind today because today is the official start of local campaign for our governments local position. Funny because as they politicians spread all through out the nation to win the hearts of the common people, so does God. As summer approaches Singles For Christ - CLPs has began to spread nationwide as well. What is a Singles For Christ CLP ? You may ask, well technically speaking Singles For Christ is part of a family ministry which is Couples For Christ.CLP is defined as Christian Life Program designed for all single men and women who wants to get to know more about God in a deeper way. This program is open to ages 21-40years old.

Well one may think, why waste my time? what is in it for me? Allow me to redefine these letters for you.I for one had doubts on why I have to spend 13weekends (either sat or sun afternoons most likely) but I had been able to finish long and strong thats why I wanted to share this to you too. Been blessed ever since.

C- Christ: Obviously this first reason may not be your strongest motivation to go. But this is one way to learn, relearn, or develop a deeper relationship with our God Almighty.

- Care: If your looking for someone to be there for you genuinely. Like a real brother or a sister, we are world wide. where ever you may be there are members of our community who would be willing to listen to you. Help you and most importantly pray for you.

L- Live Life to the fullest: As single men and women we look for people who can relate to what we go through.May it be work related issues, family, friends or relationships. In this day and age you would want to surround yourself with people who will help you attain your highest potential in a Godly, good clean way.

- Love: To find people who wont judge you but accept you for who you are. It does not matter what your state is, your physical condition is or your financial status is in life. For we were loved freely and completely by Him first and we do it as well in return.

P - Personal : This experience is something no words can describe, you have to open yourself to the opportunity for you to really know what makes it different from the rest. For it is a journey for each and everyone to take and a story to unfold.

I do not know if i gave justice to this blog, but let me end by quoting this bible verse Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future full of hope.

This is an open door invitation to all of you out there. Seeking, praying defining.

Try to take the first step. Hell meet you there.

SFC -CLP starts April 11,2010- July 17,2010 (every sun 2pm)

@ town n country chapel

for more info.

Contact the ff:

James flores 09175031815

Annie Manuzon 09209458063

Tristan Reposo 09216310833

Jacq Matias 09177925227

To God be the glory,,,,

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road blankMarch 18, 2010 Filed under Uncategorized

I am reaching the point again where I feel lost. Lost in the sense that I have been in the same place for some time now. Waiting, that is where I am at right now. Waiting for the companys call back, waiting for that someone to come along, waiting to finally find my niche in this world. Some of you may think why wait? if you could do it. Move to make it happen! Well, I say not this time. At least not yet, no opportunity has come to my attention just yet to make that move to make that difference to finally happen. I dont actually mind waiting. What bothers me a lot this time is the fact that I cannot see where this road leads me to. It actually feels like driving on a blind curve, on a blind side. I feel like I am on my way up but all I see is a white painted road. Blank, I do not know if I should go left, right or just go forward.

Yes I know this is the time where trust is truly being tested. Trust that your maker, master planner, driver of your life the Divine one has great plans for your life. I am not complaining. Believe me I do hope for the best and know in perfect time everythings going to be alright. I still have a little ounce of hope in me. (flushing down slowly i think) I just want to let it out. Whatever this burden i have inside me. I do this best when I write my thoughts down.

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best I ever hadMarch 9, 2010 Filed under Uncategorized Tagged my bday in 2010

It was an amazing weekend, in fact it was one of the best I ever had in a long time. Really, you want to know why? because last Friday (March 5,2010) was my birthday. I thought it was really going to be a quiet one for me this year because it was a working day no one had the time nor chance to spend it with me. My prayer was that for me to have a different birthday. Hopefully to get to spend it much with my SFC family in particular. I was not really in a good mood as the day of my birthday came crawling by. I felt agitated and doubtful. I felt I was not ready to gain another year older, I kept asking God if I was the woman that I should be in HIS eyes? have I done anything good? The list just kept getting longer.Friday came, spent the whole day with a friend, said my thanks by hearing mass and enjoying a quiet dinner with family and few close friends. The highlight of the day was that my cellphone hadnt stop beeping since the clock stroke 12mn of march 5. I was so stunned by the flood of greetings and well wishers. I was so surprised for even the people I did not expect to greet me did. There were also anonymous greeters and an international caller from Thailand. (For that I have to give thanks to my household ate Gae, and my best bud Bry who did most of the text brigades) We had a sumptuous meal that was through the love and support of my family. (To my dearest sister and dad who was behind all the preparations, as well as to my mom who did prepare for our Sunday household Thanks a million) For all the support that you tirelessly give me always thank you. As the evening came to close God started to grant my wishes. First was the red roses mom gave me(I had been praying that I receive one that day. ) I thought that was the end of it I bid everyone goodbye and goodnight and went to sleep. But little did I knowGod was not yet over with it. Saturday came, Sam and Joana came over unannounced (except from my dad, he seems to be a common denominator to all these surprise events.) spent the whole morning catching up and sharing stories. (Ryan thanks for the greet even if i failed to receive it) Later that evening was our regular chapter assembly. The whole day I was being reminded of it, even my dad was overly pushing me to go. So even if I was unsure what was going on I went anyway. It was there where God granted my second simple wish. I received a bouquet of roses with a cake from my SFC family. (Chee thanks for bringing it all the way to Town n Country, you were really worried I would not be there.thanks hugs! ) God was really showering me, unbelievable! By then I realized Sunday was also going to be a super extension of my birthday for it was a household day and I was the host. It was a perfect way to end my simple three day celebration. Writing a letter to Dear Lord reminded me of who I was to Him. His enchanting princess.Right now everythings back to normal, everything has passed and I am back to being the ordinary girl. I pray that I may become a better person and the kind of woman God would want me to be while being of service to him. I look forward to greater things after me moving on with another year of life..To everyone else who greeted me in anyway thank you all. Youre all too many to mention in this post. Thanks for joining me in my journey of life, please do stick around for the longer run. Again and again I always want to say thanks for the time. For reading this long note. For me love is spelled as time. wo ai ni.

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longingMarch 3, 2010 Filed under random thoughts

There were times I long for you, though I know you are just beside me.But at times I feel like youre so near yet so far.I long for your hand guiding me. You being here makes me feel secure.I miss the feeling of being indestructible when youre with me.You make anything possible.

I dont know how Ive lost that part of me.I guess maybe my failing, falling made me feel afraid,in doubt and settle for less than I deserve.

I pray that you would hold me again.Press my cheek close to your chest.Then hear your heart beat for me and only me.

I long to shine for you,Because of you and the love that fills me through.Oh how I love you!I long to be with you.To be your princessYour one and only love.

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lettersFebruary 21, 2010 Filed under random thoughts

I was asked by my mom to clean up our former bedroom which me and my sister both used to share. As I was cleaning up my stuff, I realized that the bulk of those things were letters. Letters of all sorts. From small notes, palanca or retreat letters, hate letters to love letters and so much more. I said to myself masulat pala talaga ako na tao. As I was going through all the bulk I could not throw any of it without actually reading each one. I cannot believe it,the letters that was piled up was since my grade school years. (akalain mo.. haha) In the process I had the urge to either just keep all of it or just throw it all out to spare me the agony of going through all of it. But no, knowing how I am I bear it. Of going through it all before deciding which one gets to kept or discarded.The process made me go down my own memory lane of life. They reminded me of friends. Some from people I no longer see or barely remember. Mostly were thank you letters on how they saw me, what kind of friend I was to them and how theyll miss me in their life.There were some letters that made me cry because somehow it reminded me of the pains, trials I went through in life. While others made me smile because it was part of the a lot of firsts in my life. Just like the first valentine card I ever received from a guy in college (2003) hahaha or the first love letter I received way back in high school aww.. I even had a stalker who keeps on writing to me in various ways that I never really figured out who it was . Plus tons and tons of retreat letters from family and classmates in college. I never really realized why I love these letters till now, it was because it reminded me of people who came in and went through my life, Each of them left a print on my heart. I was struck by one thing that they were all proof to me that I have given something to someone all along. I was even left with a question have I left them something good? I hope so.As I finished, I did not know how I felt I even thought Lord why are you showing all of these things to me now? Is it because another year of my life is coming to an end and I am about to begin a new chapter of my life? Whatever it was for I am thankful. That clean up simply reminded me of who I am. I am a simple girl who love simple things and treasured lifes simple joys even the smallest notes.

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MY Rs in 2009December 17, 2009 Filed under random thoughts

I have been itching to do this but at the same time I wanted to derail myself from actually writing it down. But every breaking bone in my body has been conspiring against my will to do so. I have been asking myself what do I have for 2009? Definitely I did not have a job that pays, nor a whooping career not even a blooming lovelife. So I asked my self what did I have? One by one it came to me. I have my family (for better or worse of me) I had my service (gk, ateneo and sfc) there are also some friends who stood by. despite of these, there was a nagging thought for me to define what 2009 was for me. Suddenly it hit me all I had this year was T-I-M-E.

I was strucked because one of my favorite lines was love is spelled as time but I was not convinced to my definition of my year so I was forced to look back. So.. how did I spend my time in 2009?

Jan-March-Recovering Months: From my job loss, confusion.Spent my birthday with a simple bang thanks to my original household who spent time to make it happen. April- MayGod took time to Re-shaped me through my service. Experiences that reminded me what I was really made of and why He made me exactly how I am.

JuneResponse - After three long years of discerning for someone, God finally answered me with No. Yes it broke my heart but I knew it was for the best.

JulyRekindlingHe called me to the mountain top experience in the SFC MMC held in Baguio. To remind me how much HE loves me despite and in spite of everything. It is also this time when He allowed me to patch things up and rekindle old friendships that I have been praying for in a long time.

AugustRevealingMy Sister got married. Making our lives change forever.

September -OctoberRockyGetting stuck in Ateneo for 2 days due to typhoon Ondoy was one of the things I would never forget. This was also the months were we as a family experienced ups and downs of life.

November -DecemberRelationalNew friendships were born, old bonds have been strengthened. Things somehow meant to level up in a way I could not define. There were things that has to move forward, adjustments still has to be made.Although the month is just beginning to wrap things up I could not help but wonder whats in stored for me next year.

As my chapter heads would always say(and I quote them on this one) No rewinds no re runs we can only look back for the year that was. No exact word could cap off my 2009 but one thing I have learned, there would always be good and bad but what matters most is I tried to do my best with all my heart.

Cheers everyone!!!!!!

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Nearing the end of 09December 8, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

As the end of the this year is fast approaching, so are my thoughts on how this year has been for me. I still cannot say for sure if it was good or a bad one. Though I have a feeling that is a mixture of both. What really nags me to think is this question What happened to me this year?I am asking myself this question because I believe that every year is a different year for me. I cannot help but ask myself what changes have I done? Have I become a better person or did I become worse? What are the greatest blessings must I be most thankful for? I guess this thinking or reflecting mode of mine started when the Advent week this December began. I was struck by the thought that advent is a preparation for the one coming.

I could not help but feel like I am not ready to do an accounting of my life this year just yet to my maker. At the same time I wanted to be done with it so I can move on and begin looking forward to next year. I am not sure if I am entirely making sense here at the moment but this is what hinders me to write my thoughts down. Yet I am able to do so because there is something in me that says I must even if it is with great difficulty.

I think I could not answer these questions yet, because I am being lulled by the business of this time of the year. In the same way, I am still waiting for this month to end in a way because I believe this would give me the closure I need to define my year 2009. Although as earlier as now I feel that there is something big waiting for me for nextyear. I do not know how to feel about this too but whatever it is I pray I may be able to handle it well. This is why my theme for this last month and for next year is greater things are yet to come(I know this has been a theme for some of my sfc friends for some time now.^_^)

Well to end, I hope to anyone who will take the time and the interest to read this long entry that you would have a good ending of this year too. I am thankful and grateful for you who have been part of my life this year. Looking forward to be sharing myself to those whom Ill be meeting just yet, and cheers to a new colorful one for those who have been around me for a while now and decides to spend a couple of more years with me. Warmest greetings of Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you , your family and friends. God bless us all.

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ordinary timesOctober 18, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

miss this page, had not been able to write in a very long time. I suppose this is because I felt living in the ordinary times of my life. Often times whenever I would feel this way I would remember Jesus doing His public works. That was His ordinary times He was just being himself doing his mission. But I would think to myself still He was able to do so many things. I on the other hand feel I havent done anything out of the extra ordinary lately. My ordinary timesmeant being at home washing the dishes, trying to learn how to cook and so on. I remembered one article of Bo Sanchez calling this phase as living his secret life. The life of the person who normally stands in front of the crowd, speaks to thousands of people and so forth.Dont get me wrong, I know I am not a super star or what, I am just an ordinary girl. Well I guess I am sharing this because I already miss the times I felt Gods powerful hand using me, molding me showing his great majestic power reflecting on my life. Making that difference for Him.Because as I have always believed this was my reason for being here.

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Will I everOctober 8, 2009 Filed under random thoughts

I just got this little lyrics in my head from a Gary v song.

Will I ever get to heaven with you?Will I ever breath the air that you do?Will I ever touch the angels?Will we fly?Will I ever? Will I ever get to even with you?Wishing hope and dreaming search with in my soulWill I ever, will I ever get to heaven with youIts actually one of my favorite songs of all times. I dont really recall the entire song but its really really nice. I am thinking to include it in my wedding reception songs to be sung if ever I am called to that vocation. Although tonight wedding or love is not the reason I am writing this blog. (thank God right? yeah i know * wink wink. you might be tired of hearing it)

Anyway what really struck me tonight was the words Will I ever These were the words I had been asking myself since yesterday morning. (Technically yesterday already because its 12:56 says my computer clock) I could not really finish thinking of things to add up to this phrase. I mean there are a lot of things you could think of. I felt like I am doing the morning show morning rush @RX. Questions you would want to ask God that begins with Will I ever ___?fill in the blanks. I guess in my heart I felt like I am again at the end of my rope. I begin to again ask God what are His plans for me? I am still really waiting you know. But as the lights went back on tonight (Finally! after a whole day of black out) I read from Bos Article Every Storm Will End and I quote Do you believe that great things will happen to you? Imagine a party balloon.At first, its bright and fat and goes up to the ceiling.But after a few days, it becomes deflated.It stays on the floor.Were like balloons.What keeps us up is hope.But life happens, and everyday, we leak hope.Especially when big trials come, we surely leak out a lot of hope.And were deflated.

Heres what you need to do: You need to refill your heart with hope. So that you can rise up again.Dispel the storms in your mind. It may be stormy on the outside but it shouldnt be stormy on the inside.The only way to dispel the storms is to be grateful for what you have today and what will happen tomorrow.

And yes thats what I need to do is to refill my heart with hope.as Anne Frank from the book The Travelers Gift said being grateful is also a choice. I know I should be gratefully waiting for the everything else will soon come to life. I am ending this with another quote from the same article of Bo Sanchez. For my heart at the moment is still drenched from everything else I believe in sharing this prayer it will also help others who like me is in doubt at the moment.

Im strong in the Lord. Im blessed. Im forgiven.Im protected. Im redeemed. Im equipped.Im anointed. Healing flows in my body. New doors will open before me. Ill meet the right people, the right opportunities, at the right time, at the right place. Ill regain ten times what I lostIn Jesus name!

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Painfully joyfulSeptember 16, 2009 Filed under random thoughts

For those who was with me or had a chance to speak to me last week you would remember that I was in a struggle with myself. It was the same painful struggle I was having over and over to which my emotions are being disciplined by God himself. While having that particular pain of rejection, self doubt God gave me an assignment to share to our clp (Christian Life Program) For Gods love that same week. It was in this time HE told me in one of my prayer time that in those times that my heart got broken into pieces again, hurt or rejected there was no other way for me to go but to love those people more. That each heart break I was experiencing was making my heart stronger, stronger until I love like His son willing to lay down ones life for others. It was one of the strongest words, most difficult thing for me to do then I asked Him to help me forgive those who hurt me and help me to still love them no matter what. This week I am experiencing some sort of physical pain. I said in one of my prayer time Lord what is going on with me? He just said it is still pain, I felt He was breaking me little by little. I said Lord what kind of pain would be next? For I was afraid I would no longer be able to make it after this and I am scared.While this is happening, I was actually busy with His little missions. Strangely I was able to share again twice in a row in CFC functions where my dad was the speaker. Strange because all of it was unplanned it was impromptu and I could not believe it,at the end of it I would realize I was able to share about the topic despite the fact that it was for CFC events. What am I saying? I dont know what is actually going on with my life at the moment but all I know is that in my pains He is using me for His greater glory.I do not know how this part of my life would end right now but I am grateful to Him. Grateful for the strength to battle it all out, for the opportunities and lastly for the pains that bring Him joy.All for the greater glory of God.JOB INTERVIEWI had a chance to do one job interview today. I was really hoping that it was finally the one I have been waiting for.I was so prepped up, though I know it was just a project based thing I was actually looking forward to the new experience. There was two parts in the exam, English covering the tenses and verbal usage the next part surprised me it was a technical support representative (tsr) exam. I laughed to myself seeing the top page which had a logo of Convergies I just did what I could because I knew I was not exactly applying for an agent position.

Funny because earlier another applicant peered on my resume, even though he was a seat away from me he saw a glimpse of it. Surprisingly he sat beside and asked about my experience in a call center. I said to myself really he was able to read my resume While we were conversing I found out he was new to the business, well all I could do is to encourage him. He was even surprised because I left the call center industry, I could not help but just say life is more important than money to me. Besides I would rather be doing things that make me happy than stay because of the salary. My turn for the interview came, it was then I was informed that the salary being offered is below minimum. I was even asked if I was interested in an agent position again. Of course I said at the moment non agent position would be my preference.As for their offer, I told them Id think about it first.

Going home I was thinking, analyzing if their offer was worth it. Well it saddened me cause I realized it wasnt. I was not happy to go home that way so I asked myself what did I learn in this experience? Then it hit me, I have become more aware of what to look for in an offer. To evaluate, to probe with the right questions. I guess I was just clear to myself what I was looking for and what my priorities were.

Yes it saddened me because this means I still need to wait, again. But I am still hopeful. Best is yet to come, so I better brace myself Right ate Ayen? So right now I am just acknowledging my feeling of sadness both brought by todays turn of events and the rain. In doing so, I am trying to shake the bad feeling off.

Coffee or movie anyone? =)

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i hate youSeptember 4, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I hate you for being so numb,i hate you for saying you feel me but you actually dont.

I hate it when you say youll call but never do.

I hate you when you tell me you appreciate me and make me feel like I am the only person who understands you, but in reality its only words that you speak.

I hate it when you tell me I mean so much but its not shown otherwise.

But the worstof all is that I hate myself for believing you. For falling to the trap of your wonderful wordsthus allowing myself to be lulled by you.

Its like youve got some magic over me that I cannot see.I guess it was just foolish of me to believe you after all.

guess somethings never change.

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1amAugust 29, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

its officially 1 in the morning, everyones off to bed. Ma and Pa is out of town and I sort of feel the home alone. I was actually looking forward to this weekend to almost having the house all to myself. But to my surprise I felt kind of sad, I do not know if its separation anxiety or not. (yeah i know Iam old enough to handle things) I was actually looking forward to talking to someone but most of my sfc friends are on this team building so tonight is one of the most quiet nights I have had in a long time. Well, I no longer stay late that much nowadays. I do not know why I have this desire to talk to people, guess I am looking for comfort to this sadness. What was odd was that I did give comfort instead. (Id like to think so?)I was suddenlypmed through facebook, forgive me for my own terms. Anyway by an old friend, this was a younger guy friend actually a brother I was surprised, he asked me about the SFC (Singles For Christ Christian Life Programs). In short we had a short talk, in the conversation I could not help but think hey I am the one looking for someone to comfort but I am the one giving it. In my head I was thinking, whats with me and menwho seem to be kindof lost in one way or another? Funny the Gods messagefrom facebook to me somehow says something related you can only give what you only have inside yourself, true giving only happens when you are over flowing from the inside and you cannot help but share You know what as I was talking to this friend, I was actually telling him how much God loved him, no matter how sinful he was. Even if he was so far a way from Him. I was trying to assure him of Gods love even in my own little way. I even told him I love him as a brother. As I was doing so, I noticed myself asking in my head am I honestly saying this? The answer was yes I didnt know why but somehow those words flowed out of me and typed itself to the computer. I realized somehow my kinda sad feeling got better. I thanked him for I felt I was able to help, he said so himself. I hope he finds a way to join the clp.

Ending now my day, yes I was not able to get the exact comfort that I kind of hoped for but I somehow prayed I was able to give out the kind of comfort he needed. I dont knowif I make sense, I dont even get the point of God ending it this way. Anyway I am just glad that even in my time of sadness I was able to bring encouargement I hope. For that I am really thankful for.

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agitatedAugust 25, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I am suppose to be off to bed at this hour (thats my new rule since the past few weeks I havent been sleeping to well.) Although Im breaking that tonight for some reason I feel so agitated, restless. Could not stop myself from worrying again. Its the physical pain and the mental and emotional exhaustion. Believe me I have been trying to let go of a lot of things in my life at the moment. I am constantly reminded of one saying in one of our La Sallian retreats during my last year in college its let God and let go dont know if I remember it right, or is it the other way around. My question is how? Right now I feel like I am speaking as myself. Rather I am over analyzing myself from a third party angle.

I am not sure if I am making sense at the moment so I am going to stop here for now, get to bed hopefully tomorrow is going to be a better day for me again.

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how can it be, how can he?August 16, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

Over this weekend a lot of stuff has occupied me, mostly family things. It was my only sisters wedding. Congratulations! Finally after all the long preparation it was done. Praise God because everything went well, despite the ups and downs, Im glad wearing the dress was over too, dont get me wrong I felt pretty somehow but the fact that other people sees me in it makes me very shy. I am not the star of the show in that occassion but I was happy for her. The bonus part for me was being part of it and I guess being with some of my friends as well. The next day it was service as usual, despite of being uber tired from the previous nights event. I did not know but somehow throughout the day yesterday, a part of me felt really sad. At first I thought maybe I was just tired, but today I realized it was more than that, actually its a whole lot of other reasons. But one majorreasonthat surfacedwas that there is this oneperson who makes me so happy and yet can he can also make me so sad at the sametime. Iwas surprised with myselfwheni figured this one out. I know it sounded crazy. Butreally it wastrue.

I was actually dreading the weekend to come, Iknew hed be there and I knew in my heart I wont be able to stop myself from noticing him.Ialso knew he would not noticeme the way I had hoped for. Thesepast fewdays wevebeentexting again.I was actually glad ourfriendship was starting tobe ok, butlastSaturday early morning I woke up around 3am, I was thinking of him and I felt like I wanted to cry. I do not know why but I was so so sad I felt like I was losing him all over again. I did not know what to do. I was saying to myself he was never really mine to begin with,that was so painful for me all I could do was to pray and ask Mama Mary to help me get through it. then I went back to sleep. The next time, I woke up there was a goodmorning text from him. I just deleted it thinking it was just a general message to everyone.

Waking up today that same old sad feeling was there. I pushedmyself to pray though I found it so hard to do.Then Ifound myself thinking this person has too muchof me, he didnt even know about it.Ihave loved you ever since butI guess you have never really knew nor saw it, I guess its time to let you go. I knowyoull always have a space in my heartand it would really take time for me but right now I am choosing to set myself free.

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second chances?August 11, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

i do not know why i was thinking of this right now, I guess this was because I am surrounded of people and things that were part of me one time before. Becoming nostalgic of these things.. Damn I am not so good when it comes with these things. Specially now a days I feel like threading an unknown path. Seeing the people I grew up with in the sector con made me miss my time of passionate service days but somehow I could no longer find myself in it. Facebook friendshad been adding up, from school, people from way way back poping up from out of nowhere. Dont get me wrong I am happy to be reconnected but somehow as I move forward with everything else I dont see where I am about to go. Its like I am torn, to the old me that I see when I see all of these things and people around me. I tend to feel I wish I had that second chance and live up my life all over again. Notbecause of regret butjust tofeel good about ones self again.Feelthat direction guiding my life so strongly.Have the people I once had in mylife again. Lastly make wrong into right if it would make things better or make things last longer?

I do not know if I am just feeling this way because I am afriad to look forward into the future, the unknown. Cause right now I do notn see anything yet and it scares me. I know because ofall the things I went through in life I am a better person now(evenjust a little)I just do not know why I am feeling this way..

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I have fallen in love (with the same woman 3 times)August 6, 2009 Filed under random thoughts

I have fallen in love (with the same woman 3 times)I have fallen in loveWith the same woman three timesIn a day spanning nineteen yearsOf tearful joys and joyful tears.

I loved her first when she was youngEnchanting and vibrant, eternally newShe was brilliant, fragrant and cool as the morning dewI fell in love with her the second time

When first she bore her child and mineShes always by my side, the source of my strengthHelping to turn the tideI fell in love again with the same woman the third time

Looming from the battle her courage will never fade.Amidst the hardships she has remainedUndaunted and unafraidShe is calm and composed. She is Gods lovely maid.

I havent heard of this song ever in my entire life, but when i finally heard it I was primarily struck on the number of times he fell in love with pres.Cory, it was in different stages of life as well. It was by then I decided to look up the lyrics of this song. Then after seeing the lyrics I was surprised to see that they were somewhat soulmates. Since Ninoy saw her since they were 9 yrs old, would you believe he said to himself he already knew then shes the one.Cory shared this in one interview.

Moreover I was struck how he described his wife in the poem as time goes by he falls in love with her over and over again. Specially when he acknowledged God when he said she was GOds lovely maid.

Will there ever be a time Id be like her in Gods eyes?

Will there ever be some one who would fall for me over and over again

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dates and so much moreAugust 3, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

i had a very long and fulfilling weekend, after MMC i chose to stay home rest, catch up with my regular life. Funny, one time while I was washing the dishes I said to Him, Lord sana this week I will have a date. Little did I know the very next day my sister would ask me to accompany her to the parlor to prettify herself(I just remembered that today) . At some point she was really mad or unhappy because the service was so bad, that she had to go to the next parlor to get what she wanted. That was my first date unknowingly,second was with ate angel of sfc ola. We had to catch up with one another since we had not been able to meet at the MMC. Yehey!she treated me to Starbucks:P (mama angel to follow yung pic post sorry) Being with her was such a treat, sharing stories, lovelife, prayers etc that night she reminded me of how one single lady can be both happy, sad at times and yet keeping her faith in her God Then Sunday was a jampacked day for me. Being at the mcg with my parents (daughter duty calls, since I was away for three days last week had to spend time with them)Then saw my ever loving former head facilitator for siga Lola Ces! We were both excited to see each other, only to find out we have somehow similar heart issues being faced at this point and time. Funny one of the sharings that struck us both was ate nenenths sharing of how things in life happen for a reason and purpose mabuti yan Later that day I went to ourclp to support. They were actually planning to see the proposal by sandra bullock(earlier that week people had been texting, I thought of going though I did not have the means both financially and physically- transpo.I said yes I would go although did not know what to do but I just prayed since I wanted to go with them) After clpI did not know how I would be able to go home,thenkuya james was said tobejoiningthe movie goers so I said I will be joining then, since I had some money left from mysavings.Ate leslie was even saying inayos ni God talaga for you

Sowewent, (kuyajames, ninj, tina, bai, chi, ava,and me)while preparing to see the movie I could not help but be excited because I have not been able to go out with friends for a very long time particularly this sfc friends of mine. We had a great time, I for one atleast felt happy because even without a boyfriend for now I am able to experience love. Though I long for that special someone who would be willing to go beyond boarders with me, and fight for me and for what he believes in and feels is right. I know Ill be able to wait for His perfect time because He will surround me with people who would love me as me. I often feel its hardto step back, smile and be happy for the people you love the most specially when their happines does not relay in your hands wether this be for a family, friend or for someone whom you love so dearly. But I suppose this is my assignment for the moment, be happy because the people I love the most are finally finding their happiness even if I am not included in it.

As I would alwaysquotelove is spelled as t-i-m-e, but when time comes even if it would require a lot from me I would step back in to the crowd and smile so when you look back and see me smile you know that I am happy for you too. Thanks guys for the opportunity and thank God for the answered prayers.

dates anyone?

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Missing myselfJuly 29, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

Hadnt had the chance to write something for myself lately. A poem atleast, i dont know why but I just couldnt find the same melody in my heart, that allows me to hear the words being sewn together unlike before. I remember back in my college days even in the midst of my class, when i hear something from within me I cannot contain myselfI had to write it down. If you check the back of my text books its always tattered with poems, words unfinished lyrics..wether it be music inspired, emotion i was feeling at the time being or a situation a friend I was able to find ways to color it through these words I hear in my head. (dont get me wrong I am not that crazy)but yes there was something with me and words way way back. It was like the love of my life, the way i exhale into existence.

I am not sure if its lack of desire, emotion or inspiration (despite of somany things happening in my life)that stops me from relinquishing this creative side of me. But I just could not do it, whenever I tried to write one it seemed like no words was enough. I feel like I could not find the match, the things I see seemed lifeless, as if it lacks something to my satisfaction. Just wish God has not taken that from me,one of few things I have considered a talent of mine.,

I dont know why I have to blog this,where art thou thy words my romeo? Come back to me my love

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A long awaited Jesus ExperienceJuly 27, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

After heading home from the Singles For Christ- Metro Manila Conference in Baguio, I decided to savor the things that happened for a moment, that is why I am just writing my thoughts now. (I am still thinking tentatively if I am now ready to share.) Anyway Im going to try to write this in the shortest most concise manner I can. Since I heard comments that I write too long. This years MMC was an anticipated one for me, this was the last thing I was hoping to go to even before I ended my last working contract December of last year. I felt this would give me the break I needed since I feel like I was running my life like driving 180miles per hour(i dont know if thats too fast) I felt like I needed time away to breath. As the days drew near of leaving so was my fears creeping up on me. It had been so long since I was with myself and other people (without family members)on an out of town trip. I was worried on how I would manage despite of the assurance of people around me that I could count on them. I could not trust myself nor others. I was afraid more than excited. I did not know I was becoming my old self again worrier and not able to trustEven as the conference began I still could not feel at peace in my heart, not until the mass. God was flashing in my mind parts of my life specially my yfc days with campus based particularly the woodstruck event and campus conference and sharing to 7,000 people. I asked Him Lord why?Why are you showing me these events again? He said why are you still doubting? Wasnt I who allowed you to stood in those events and speak for me ? Remember that I have formed you in your mothers womb and in your physical limitations I am using you.Then I began to cry, ate jacq, my household head began asking me why. I could not speak, all I could say was I wala still have a lot of burdens here in my heart then she said pray, iwan mo na dito s Baguio lahat ng baggage mo pag uwi mo ng Manila bagong Amor ka na After communion I told God please help me empty myself, do not let me leave this conference without me hearing you and you conquering my heart again. Just then the worship leader said in his exhortation that he came from yfc transitioning to sfc, if you think this conference is for the faithful, strong you are wrong this conference is also for the weak, lost and tired If your are empty allow God to fill you. it was then I felt in my heart and I was able to say to God I am finally home. Saturday came, it is workshop day I was again worrying how ill get from my first workshop to the next, although I was able to ask other people to help me out, I still wasnt sure if theyll be able to come through.Plus the first workshop I was in was ending late, I texted sam, ez (yfc friends who happen to be in the same second workshop)if they could pick me but since we were having some miscommunications I did not think theyd be there. To my surprise when I headed out of the 1st workshop they were there infornt waiting for me.Sam even said ate sosyal may taga sundo ka pa in my head I was smiling saying oo nga e, magandat gwapo pa kamukha ni John Llyod cruz Then I realized that I survived another day, and that I survive because of other people. People sent by God to be my angels in my life. That night when we were asked to thank people who were reminders of Gods pursuit in life I could not go around so I just prayed for all of them.Sunday came, as we watched a video of a father with a special son running the tri- athlon race and finishing it. God spoke to me again you can still dream, remember your not just a regular girl, you are my enchanting daughter. I could not help but cry again, this time due to overwhelming love from my creator. As the conference came to a close I prayed asking Him not to leave me nor allow me to forget that He made me and He loves me incessantily. We then head on our way home. While out there buying pasalubong I felt God continually showering His love in small acts of my chapter, kuya nino treating me to a bananaque (that was the first time) Ate gae helping me and jokingly saying mam,boss san tayo? Dimpy being concerned saying be careful, ate jacq being with me all through out(keeping her word when she told me ill be your body guard) I could go on, (sorry for those unmentioned people) what I realized is that somehow I felt loved again, in sense of being accepted despite of who I was. Lastly as we got stuck in rain and traffic, people had a small exchange of opinions in relationships just like a talk show, everybody was rolling in laughter and learning at the same time. I remembered ate gae saying maybe theres a purpose why we got caught in this situation. In my head I remembered my favorite saying Love is spelled as T-I-M-E for me that was the purpose, sharing time converted to love.I finally got home at 1:30am I was also glad and thankful to Him I got home in one piece and nothing bad happened to me the entire three days. I think this was the hardest blog I ever wrote so far because I honestly did not want to write this but I think God wanted me to do so. Because of what I went through with myself. I am openly sharing it, admitting how fearful I am. I hope that I would not be judged by this. I pray that if someone reads it. hell find God working in His life too.

TUESDAYToday is Tuesday, my rest day. Normally its Mondays but since my dad and I had to run some errands yesterday Rest day became today. Rest day is the day when we (my ever loving dad and me stay home or do non service related things) so in other words days when I do not go to GK, no CFC or ministry activities. These days are the days I stay home or get my R N R my Rest n Recreation day.Like today I reconnect to myself by writing. Hoping to think and make some sense of me. These days are not constant but in a week we should get at least 2 days off.So today I am here at home, feeling not so well because of cough, Trying to get much needed rest and medicine. I thought I was ok already last week but I guess I got bit too much besides someone here at home got sick too, I am trying my best not to get sick since MMC is drawing near again, I remember the last time I joined MMC I also have some cough,but now I am determined not to have any sickness, dear God please help, that is why I am taking medication again for the nth time. I am really looking forward to go to Baguio to recharge with the Lord most specially.

Lately God has been blessing me with a lot of small recharging events in my life. Lord knows I have been through a lot of ups and downs for a very long time While being in itI just kept praying and trying to find ways to keep up and I have been longing to bask more on His love that is why I am somehow excited to get to MMC at the same time nervous too. The small recharging events have been helpful like our sfc Gmt prayer time was the topic, and Ate Arlyne the very inspiring ate gave the talk. I was late and I thought I would never make it, but praise God HE knew I wanted to be there so badly. He answered my heart desire. Second recharging event was seeing some old friends from the community even for just a second. My yfc - sfc east b family dropped by (Irvins gang). (Guys watch out for our small surprise coming very soon support us please) Then Sunday was my household day and sfc clp. that made my closing week even better. Being at the clp to support was not a normal habit for me except for baptism but this particular clp surprisingly most of the time I was able to support. Even just as a prayer warrior. (Thanks to my household head ate jacq who loved being a prayer warrior I am now being taught to be more prayerful through the circumstances.) That baptism was different for me, I was able to see the baptism proper which was a big thing for me. I was thinking that time God I forgot hoe it felt to be inside in this kinds of events. The last time I was in one was since I was a yfc service team years back. it reminded me the first time I was like them a participant. The feeling I had inside was different, even as we worship I felt something familiar that I havent felt in a very long time. Even the people around me were really different. This is the last re charging event for me that day, I was feeling the love from the people I was with. I couldnt believe it. It was also this same day, an old friendship was given an opportunity to pick up where it left off. Hopefully, this time its going to be something thats for keeps

While worshipping that day, I remembered praying Lord may this not be the end of it all, but may it be the beginning of a better life for me and for all of us. Help us to grow and fall in love for you everyday of our life. Everything right now is happening little by little, I am excited to recieve what more is instored for me. I am willing to take it one step at a time. I know the best is yet to come.I wish when everything comes to proper place He would be there too, to see it.

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another raining day.July 16, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

Its another rainy day, have not reallydoneanythingvery significant today yet, its already 11am.I could not even bring myself to talk to my master.. (HOME by BrianMcknight plays inthe background) Ihave beenin this bad moodlike this since yesterday morning. So I decided to sit this one out, right now I am here in my room using my sisters laptop writing my thoughts on while listening to radio. I have to do this cause writing helps me to think. Amidst all the clutter in my head and in my surroundings. Plus this headache is killing me, its time of the month and I am again re thinking my life, myself and my future which makes me feel the throbbing pain even more. I cannot help but to think of negative things about myself since last night, re assesing myself showed me things I didnt like.Still no job, have not decided to push throughgoing back to school (i think I could notdo it)One things for sure at the moment I do not know what I want of myself now. It has been anotherfew monthsfrommy last employment till now nothing. I know I dont wantto rush anything anymore whether it be work, relationship, or what not because my main goal is to put myself for things that wouldbe for the long run/ term. Its just I do not want to settle for anything less anymorejust to have something. But how long willI have to wait till I havemy chance? How will I know whereto go? Or if this is the chance I would take.I remember being able to go to a mass last Wednesday before finally heading home, the song really struck a chord in my heart I forgot the title though. Heres the few lines from it.. Ang himig mo, ang awit mo Wala ng kailangan, sapat na ito.Lahat ay iiwanan ko...Buong puso koy i aalay sa iyo..O Diyos, O Panginoon Lahat ay biyayang aming inamponAming buhay, at kakayahanItoy para lamang sa iyong kaluwalhatian..I remember saying to myself, that is all I ever wanted to do is to please my God in all I do. I hope He is. Right now I barely have anything that is mine, all I could think of that time was that I am just thankful for the things you are allowing me to do, the things you give me and my family in order to live and serve you through GK ministry.Everyday I keep on praying for most aspects of my life, Still waiting for His answer as well. Sometimes I feel like I am waiting in vain, but it does not mean I am to stop from trying. There are days when I feel I should stop because I feel nothing is happening despite me trying, but at the end of it all I just say, this is all I am, You are the provider the Giver all I want is for you to let me know what You want of me.I am here to please You and serve You and thats all I hope to do no matter my circumstance in life right now is. You know I barely have anything not even my physical self is complete but all I could ever offer is my heart I pray that when you look at it you would be pleased.

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Long and taxing day?July 11, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I am having mixed emotions at the moment. One, I am really tired for the long day at gk banyuhay today, because was the start of the nstp ateneo insertions for the next two months, We have to accomodate 28 college students in the morning 33 in the afternoon, plus their tutees and the facilitators. Standing up most of the day speaking up and down. Giving instructions, clarifications making effort for the whole group to hear you. Doing the facilitation process monitoring and making sure everybody gets on the jeep before their next class begins.. HAHA welcome first sem! Meeting the facilitators for feedback and evaluation. Then doing it all again in the afternoon. Oh come on, its not so bad right? But I feel so terribly bad I was set to leave before the afternoon session begins, but i get an emergency call from their formator saying if I could cover for her she was fully loaded for the day. Being out of nowhere somewhere in Silangan San Mateo I just couldnt walk away to my next agenda. Deepdown in my heart I was crying out loud Lord you know how sacred my next duty is, Ive given my yes. (remembering the Bible verse saying let your yes be a yes and no be a no. ) I wasalready badgering my dad to bring me to my next stop. We almost fought, no he almost lost his temper with me coz I wouldnt give it up. Being in the chapel / multi purpose of the area I just sat down nearest to the cross looking at it I said a prayer I wanted to cry but no I couldnt. Lord you know how I wanted to be out of here,but cannot. I pray that the people I let down would understand. Lord I lift it all up to your hands.Its now four pm the indian delegates that is staying came over their due to leave tomorrow and on Monday. Little after that the 2 new Korean delegates came but upon realizing we had lots of cats and dogs in the area they decided to ask for swap with Camacho, apparently they have animal phoeba.

So out they go and we had to wait for the new delegates. Then while waiting I was spending time with the other siga kids whom I havent been able to talk to lately checking on them. Keeping posted on their lives as much as I can. While trying to finalize if the kids will be part of the sector siga sportsfest or not, it was then I realized it was already getting late, Around 7:30pm the new exchanged Korean delegates (Gina, Koby)came, proper introductions were made. Briefing introduction to the 2 old Indian delegates who were bound to leave soon. They shared their previous plans handing them down to the new comers for continuity. Hanging a little bit more for us to set the initial schedule and to be able to say byeto one of the Indian boys Hari .

It was this time when I realized I was going to be sad, even if they were just a month I felt they were a part of us already. Before I left Gautam and Hari gave us a picture that was framed already. It was the a picture of them, me, and my dad taken earlier today. But I thought it would not get to me. But before Ieft I said bye Hari he held my hand (non maliciously) then through Ginas prodding (the new korean girl staying with us) Hari kissed me on the cheek and thanked me for everything and promising to keep in touch. Then we left. Got home by 930pm (thank God)

I knew I was struck as I was leaving, I knew there is this hollow sadpart of me I am carrying right now.I could not understand I am really thankful to God for this opportunities He sends our way to me and me second family Gk Banyuhay. I am thankful for the strength and guidance He provided me and the rest of my family from 6am till now 1230am. But why is there this longing in me for something else. Something or could it besomeone for me to end my day? Oh well I am in bed ready to collapse since I got home, but I just need to write the ramblings in my head. Maybe I am just to tired. I just pray that the host families who would take care of these 2 newbies againbe super blessed by God,

To God be the glory. goodmorningand goodnight

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an extra event in an ordinary dayJuly 8, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I have not been able to go to gk banyhay since tuesday due to slight bad health condition cough and i was not feeling well. On the other hand I also needed my time for myself or something different.So there, todaywas my fourth day out of my routine day if you may call it. I woke up around 8am, then had my prayer time then went for a walk then ate breakfast. Then I tried doing the things I missed during the past week. The things I wanted to but failed due to so many other things. Write on my journal notebook, read few things from the magazine my mom brought home, watch tv and most of all in the afternoon cut my hair. I did that with my ate last today. Finally! but the thing that made this day very extra ordinary was that in the people i talked to today, wether Hes a cfc (dads caller or just plain friend) The topics we were discussing were all purely service wise. But the point that it was all going for was the fact that there is hope, love and faith. Despite all the blocks people sees in front of us there is still these things. Believe it or not those points came from people who were from all angles of passion in terms of service.

One was passionately running back after a year of almost being away. You could tell his conviction despite the fact that he does not know where to get their financial sources. The other one is similar case but had been in this work since we had been serving gk. (mga titos kasi hehe.. ang totoo hanap nila si father earth ko e kaso wala so i had to take their calls. thats on a good note.) Lastly the third person was a friend who had decided to take service now on the slow pace.As she said shy away from the lime light for now. Hearing these people, I could notstop thinkingLord whats up? Am I losing hope? Not reallyi tried to say,but hadthe feeling forsomething new. In themost ironic, unexpected way God speaks,,,Si God talaga ibangklase,parang sinasabi na di pa ko dapat matapos o magsawa sa all the time work koforHim. Whatever that was for, those threephonecalls it made methink.Somethingstruck me inoneof the conversations, It was when titoreminded meof the story of a man whom God asked to push theboulder in the middle of the road. Through the yearsHe justpushed then onedaythe man finally sawthe boulder moved when henever really thought itwould, then he got thegold sack underneath theboulder. (Iwas able to relate it to the part of my service in cyd, speciallysiga. Thats a part of the reason why I did not go to the site this week. baka tuluyan na ko bumigay e alam ko rin yung head faci ko feels somewhat same, kaya nagpapamiss muna ko sa sarili ko)

Lastly, this part where I couldnot get over, as one of the titos was havingthe conversation with me he said ok lng bana kausap kita, baka may dalaw ka ngayon diyan?at naiistorbokita? (ayos di ba si tito gumaganon pa diba?):) I saidtito ok lang po wala po talaga kasi umaakyat ng dalawo ligaw wala talaga, di uso yun, then in reply he said meron yan pagpray natin malay mo haha as in laugh out loud, I was like thinking Lord whats up with you? Just last night I was sharing with an older ate,my former head in sfc how I wanted to let a certain feeling out of my system for a particular person. Now this?!!! Laugh out

loud again.I dont know why I am spending so much time writing this down infacts its almost 1 am now. But I guess I am just motivated by something I read for my prayer time today, it said God laids out His plain for you everyday, its not for you to understand the question is if you will say yes?

I for one had been having the hardest time in practicing this,but I am trying to say yes despite of my insecurities of the unknown for my life.everyday of it

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thoughtsJuly 2, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I wanted to write in a different way tonight, but i really coud not. Heck I even wanted to write in tagalog but I find it so not me So here I am back to my old style Over the past days I have been different or atleast to myself. Physically in pain due to a bad fall, emotionally still trying to forgive someone close to my heart. I am actually at a point where I feel being choked to the throat by all of these emotions. I am really not ready to go out but I also want a different company for a change,hmm (am i making any sense at the moment? no idea.)

These events had been eye opening One message came from very clear, from my sister and mom time to learn to be on my own my really question to myself is how i do that?

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My Only HopeJune 29, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I have not been able to function well today due to severe headache, it is now 12 mn but i somehow feel this familiar sting of emotion. I could not call it sadness nor void in me. the only cure for me is to write my thoughts down. So for now I will call this state missing stage while fumbling with the radio for the right song to push the thoughts out. (the song I miss youplays on) So here goes.

I never really knew why but you had so much on me, Id really thought it was just because I was comfortable with you. I felt so good, relaxed and safe whenever we talk. Or whenever I am with you Over time you became a part of me. But things became different as time went by, you grew much more comfortable than I d ever imagine youd be.

As this happened I got confussed as to what my role was in your life was..

A friend,

A confidant

Your counsel.

Or something else but I never really had the courage to ask nor to make the thin line clear. I just wish you made things a little bit different for it not to be so much to bear. (I hadnt felt this way since.. he bid me goodbye)

As you make your way through your own problems in life, my only hope is for me to be able to be the friend that you always saw. nothing more. I could write a million things about this, but the real problem is how i deal with it forward.

I just hope I was really wrong with the things I felt. I just really hope that youdid notfeel the same the way I did. For I fear that in timeyou realize ill be long gone,,,,

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for youJune 17, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I never realized what you were doing to meHad I known I would have run away, so far away.Promised myself never to fall but here I am fallinMuch further than I have ever been

I never even wanted this in the first place, somehow I knew it would hurt me most When its all over I will be left hanging, wondering what might have been.

Wish there was something I could doto make you see what was there something more but you just refused to and there was nothing more that I could do.

Now I have come to the end of my lineIll just have to step back in to the crowd and see you fly where you will be happyWorry not for Ill be there when you turn around smiling back for you to know I am happy for you too.* inspired by Mia Mae,,, thanks mia .. lovelots and powerhugs.miss you

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something personalJune 16, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I feel like I have been going through so much lately. Oo nga at wala akong work ngayon, at most of the time na sa bahay lang ako maliban nalang kung may service akong kailangan puntahan, mapa sfc or gk or something else etc. Pero feeling ko parang mag eexplode na yung heart ko sa sobrang bigat?or sobrang sad nito.I do not know what term would actually describe how I feel exactly. (first sign that I am actually having too much is when I write my thoughts in tagalog)I cannot remember when this odd big gray feeling had exactly began But all i know is that I have been fighting, praying for it for the longest time now. I am beginning to feel that I am at the end of my rope. What I do recall when this feeling started was the fact that I cannot cry. I wanted to cry so bad but no tears would flow out of me. This has happened recently, last Sunday to be exact.As to what exactly is the issue behind it? Sorry no words can sum it up right now. The funny thing is I cannot deny this or try to keep it to myself. I know God knows about it and speaks to me in the most odd and peculiar way. Like through our first household topic, oyster pearl or stew? Right ate jacq? Or the cluster assembly at ang pinaka malupit sa lahat e when the bible verse in my prayer time lead me to 2Cor 8:1-9 (could not remember the exact words) it says like in their nothingness lead them to joyful generosity of ones heart.Waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!! hindi ko alam kung tatawa ako o iiyak na lang ako? He knows I have nothing more in me. Walang wala na ko at this point. talaga. The tears that had flowed from me that Sunday was not enough and from time to time these tears seem to be coming in and out of me. (opo iyakin pa rin ako hanggang ngayon ika nga ni kuya bruce at ng dad ko. I cannot help it e although i am trying) I can sense that these episode in my life is long way from over.So whats the point of this blog? I really dont know. Its my first personal entry (as in personal) I remembered a time when I shared this similar feeling to a former team mate, I said I was almost at the end of my rope, she said, so tie a knot at the end of your rope I guess thats what I believe I am doing this for tying up another knot to extend my hope. I feel I am about to crash but the lyrics though the sorrow may last for the night His joy comes in the morning reminds me to hope in the Lord. I feel like I can barely take it but I take comfort in the words am i happy may be not, but I never wanna lose what I got. I wouldnt trade it for anything in to my heart oh noyou took the good times with the bad how would else would you know happy from sad.Sooner or later youre gonna have to finally look back, when you look back and see what happened in between and youll appreciate each and every single day.

The journey of life has not yet ended but at the end of it you would see a tunnel of light.- I am being broken down right now so I can be Gods perfect pearl in His time, cause trials, problems are Gods ways of love and discipline.words of wisdom from ate jacq my household head and from the last cluster assembly)

This story of my life is far from over right now, but I am writing this down right now hoping I can maybe just may be inspire someone else to keep the faith.

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tear drops on my guitarJune 15, 2009 Filed under random thoughts

I cannot explain myself right now but when I heard this song i said perfect..

TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR BY TAYLOR SWIFT

Drew looks at meI fake a smile so he wont seeWhat I want and I needAnd everything that we should be

Ill bet shes beautifulThat girl he talks aboutAnd shes got everythingThat I have to live without

Drew talks to meI laugh cause its just so funnyI cant even seeAnyone when hes with me

He says hes so in loveHes finally got it rightI wonder if he knowsHes all I think about at night

Hes the reason for the teardrops on my guitarThe only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing starHes the song in the car I keep singingDont know why I do

Drew walks by meCan he tell that I cant breathe?And there he goes, so perfectlyThe kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tightGive him all her loveLook in those beautiful eyesAnd know shes lucky cause

Hes the reason for the teardrops on my guitarThe only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing starHes the song in the car I keep singingDont know why I do

So I drive home aloneAs I turn out the lightIll put his picture downAnd maybe get some sleep tonight

Cuz hes the reason for the teardrops on my guitarThe only one whos got enough of me to break my heartHes the song in the car I keep singingDont know why I do

Hes the time taken up but theres never enoughAnd hes all that I need to fall intoDrew looks at meI fake a smile so he wont see

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An updated Version of meJune 11, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

An updated version of me by Kc Concepcion

I heard it on the radio for a couple times kaso puro chorus, but anyway just found the lyrics very good. Something I found very interesting.

I know I can be so awkward at timesI can be insecureYou can call me naive, you can say Im a childYou can say Im so immatureFor me to say that I love you nowBut youll see I will prove somehowI can be so much more

Someday theres gonna beAn updated version of meAnd somehow youre gonna seeAn udpated version of me

And there would be no reasons thenTo tell me that Im just a friendIll be a much better person, youll seeAn updated version of me

Maybe I should grow a much nicer noseA much prettier set of eyesMaybe I should wear more colorful clothesIf itd help you to realizeIve never been this in love beforeNever wanted to change at allNow Im willing to try

Someday theres gonna beAn updated version of meAnd somehow youre gonna seeAn updated version of meAnd there would be no reasons thenTo tell me that Im just a friendIll be a much better person, youll seeAn updated version of me

Maybe then youd realizeOr maybe you wontIf and when that happensId still be the lucky one

Coz someday theres gonna beAn updated version of meAnd somehow youre gonna seeAnd updated version of meAnd someday you would realizeYouve made awful compromiseAnd youd wished that you had wath you missedCoz youd miss a much better personAn updated version of meYou will see

Unexpectedly, last night as I was about to go to bed thinking of everything that had happened, the people I have talked to and the events that went through. I realized God showed me His answer to a particular prayer that I have been praying for over a few years now.He told me to let it go. I was stunned, it was then I realized that He was telling me his answer, it was a NO . It was a small dream that I have held so close to my heart although I knew somehow that it might not be granted but it was and it is still important to me.I could not speak, although I wanted to cry no tears came through my eyes. I just said to him, ok then, Lord you know this is so hard for me, it pains me so much but your the boss and I will follow you to the best I can. I just pray for your strength for me to do your will, because You know that even if i let it go, it would still be there everysingle day of my life.In my heart I knew I was crushed. Remembered the times He has taken away somethings from me, like my last job and someone I deeply cared for among many others. Now this, although I could not understand why nor if that answer would be a NO for life or for now I still said yes to Him. He wanted me to still continue to see everytime, everyday but He cannot give it to me. I wanted to ask but I really couldnt for I knew that whenever a door closes a window opens. Right now, Ihave nothing much in my life, except for my service and family. But He continuously take things away maybe temporarily or for good I may never know. I just think He wants me to be there all in all for Him and actually living up to the song NOTHING MORE... theres nothing more I want theres nothing more I need than to be with Youtomorrow I would be going on an interview exam for a job application I made earlier I dont know how that would be but I am hoping for the best trying not to expect too much thats something me and someother people in my life are learning at the moment. By the way thanks to a dear friend who consoled me even for just a while, I am blessed to have super great friends like you, you know who you are. thanks a bunch..

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Clouded?May 28, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I had one unexpected conversation yesterday from some old friends.Its been almost 6 months since I had my last job and it has been almost the same time since they last saw me. It started usual, hi how are you? Where are you working now? (I always get that, sometimes I just want to drop out to avoid answering the question haha lol) But no, I gleefully said, I am ok still on the job hunt process and serving Gawad Kalinga whenever I get the chance. Their response seem to surprise me. sad, but dont worry youll find one soon I was like thinking, sad? why? So I said, no I know its normal specially if you wont settle for anything less. This surprised them, I said this is about work, because this time I want to work where my talents will be used to the fullest potential and I would feel I am needed, more than the money. Then they said something like but man is destined to work, for a living (from studying highschool, college then work for life) yes I agree I said but money should not be your sole reason for doing things.In short, the conversation was going to point that charity work can be done anytime, that yes it is noble thing to do, they were proud to be part of it during college etc. (that me working for gk wont be something I should give my entire life since its only charity work. Unless I am planning to be a nun. That I should not give up in finding a job. I was really surprised but I just told them dont worry I am not giving up, I just happen to know what I want, and I believe I will find it someday. That gk is not a charity work but my life, it is my small way of making this nation a better nation. Something life changing,.

I knew they were just concerned, they have a point I know, but really after that I felt myself doubting . Not because I was so much into Gk, but because for me, I have been doing this ever since I knew God has conquered me in this community, long before Gk came to life. I got the feeling that I look like someone who would not go far with this,and I felt like what if she was right?What if I never get to find that something that I so strongly believe in? I am happy with what I do right now I really am. I felt I am really good at this because God gave me this burden as a gift (my physical limitation) this has been me ever since.

I got so scared, I even thought of my parents being disappointed in me, because till now I am not stable in allmost all aspect. I was so bothered that I even texted my mom at work that time. I know I should not be affected by it, my faith is being shaken at the moment, I felt I wanted to go running to someone to tell them. Hay,,, I really dont know why but I am still stuck to that conversation till now and my heart is still groping in dark despite of everything, I pray to God to remind me why I am actually doing all of this. Is because He is the reason I wake up each morning and this is what He wants of me.

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At the BeginningMay 19, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I heard this this song way back in college my friend Madz shared it to me then last sat our very dear sfc chapter heads celebrated their anniv as couple, as in cfc na to mga to. Anyway I was inspired by the song again and of course super inspired by the love story of kuya mike and ate iya as well. , the lyrics says it all. ASTIG LANG. I have been on LSS mode since then, aside from the song LOVE STORY. So here I am going to share it, i find it relaxing kasi hehe( ndi naman halata kasi pinost ko na rin, specially since i am windang lately, I dont know why but I feel God speaks to me in this song too?. AT THE BEGINNINGWe were strangersStarting out on a journeyNever dreamingWhat wed have to go throughNow here we areAnd Im suddenly standingAt the beginning with you

No one told meI was going to find youUnexpectedWhat you did to my heartWhen I lost hopeYou were there to remind meThis is the start

Life is a roadAnd I want to keep goingLove is a riverI wanna keep flowingLife is a roadNow and foreverWonderful journey

Ill be thereWhen the world stops turningIll be thereWhen the storm is throughIn the end I wanna be standingAt the beginning with you

We were strangersOn a crazy adventureNever dreamingHow our dreams would come trueNow here we standUnafraid of the futureAt the beginning with you

Life is a roadAnd I want to keep goingLove is a riverI wanna keep flowingLife is a roadNow and foreverWonderful journey

Ill be thereWhen the world stops turningIll be thereWhen the storm is throughIn the end I wanna be standingAt the beginning with you

I knew there was somebody somewhereLike me alone in the darkNow I know my dream will live onIve been waiting so longNothings gonna tear us apart

Life is a roadAnd I want to keep goingLove is a riverI wanna keep flowingLife is a roadNow and foreverWonderful journey

Ill be thereWhen the world stops turningIll be thereWhen the storm is throughIn the end I wanna be standingAt the beginning with you

Life is a road and I wanna keep goingLove is a river I wanna keep going on.Starting out on a journeyLife is a road and I wanna goingLove is river I wanna keep flowingIn the end I wanna be standingAt the beginning with you.this song goes to my baller buddies. and all other friends guys miss you muchdarwin this is the song i told if you find it nice go post again, para masaya hehe

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Love StoryMay 17, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I did not know that this song was growing on me, till the three young people kept singing it to me last Friday, (guys you know who you are)thanks for the lss and the for the non stop question about it. Anyways Im posting it to get it off my head, and to simply say it is my song until God is done writing my lovestory Love story sung by taylor swift

We were both young when I first saw youI close my eyesAnd the flashback startsIm standing thereOn a balcony in summer air

See the lightsSee the party, the ball gownsI see you make your way through the crowdAnd say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebblesAnd my daddy said stay away from JulietAnd I was crying on the staircaseBegging you please dont go, and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be aloneIll be waiting all theres left to do is runYoull be the prince and Ill be the princessIts a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see youWe keep quiet cause were dead if they knewSo close your eyesEscape this town for a little while

Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letterAnd my daddy said stay away from JulietBut you were everything to meI was begging you please dont go and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be aloneIll be waiting all theres left to do is runYoull be the prince and Ill be the princessIts a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feelThis love is difficult, but its realDont be afraid, well make it out of this messIts a love story baby just say yesOh oh

I got tired of waitingWondering if you were ever coming aroundMy faith in you is fadingWhen I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me Ive been feeling so aloneI keep waiting for you but you never comeIs this in my head? I dont know what to thinkHe knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me JulietYoull never have to be aloneI love you and thats all I really knowI talked to your dad, go pick out a white dressIts a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, ohCause we were both young when I first saw you

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New beginnigsMay 17, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

Still nostalgic from last nights Lords day, there was so much more behind it for me. It was one of those times when I really felt scared, happy, nervous, excited even doubtful all at the same time. (wow grabe!) I felt like I was someone else last night. Plus it was one of the few times when I really, really really felt that I was a girl no a woman. (sorry crazy I dont know why) A lot of things was happening last night, personally and functionally for me. I could not find words to describe what it was really. But one thing was sure I was so honored to be part of the young men and women worshiping God last night , I could not help but be at awe and feel honored for God. It felt like coming home for me. I could care less if people watch me as I dance and sing myself for my God. It felt so right. Right now, I have to say see you soon to some people in my life, hello to others and welcome back? to some? This is scary for me in a way, sad as well but hey I know God has more in stored for me. Its difficult but I have to trust Him just like cyclops trusts the voice (thanks ate pinky for the analogy) I should be up to the challenge. While I have to wait and see for what happens I want to share a part of the song entitled At the BeginningLife is a roadAnd I want to keep goingLove is a riverI wanna keep flowingLive is a roadNow and foreverWonderful journeyIll be thereWhen the world stops turningIll be thereWhen the storm is throughIn the end I wanna be standingAt the beginning with you

Life is a road and I wanna keep goingLove is a river I wanna keep going on.Starting out on a journeyLife is a road and I wanna goingLove is river I wanna keep flowingIn the end I wanna be standingAt the beginning with you.

CHEERS TO MY NEW BEGINNINGS, HOPE YOU CAN STICK AROUND TO SHARE IT WITH ME AND MAKE IT MORE COLORFUL.

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just before i sleepMay 12, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I am suppose to go to bed already but i could not put my mind to rest theres this untimely sadness I feel, if there is such a word if none then i am coining one. The two foreign volunteers that was sent to our gk site for two months had been pulled out tonight immediately without a warning. GK national said it was their organizers who pulled out instantly. We know we could not do anything so off they go. But I on the other hand cannot believe it, their gone?? no goodbyes,,, We were expecting them to leave on Thursday, I was just planning their farewell party. hay I know I am not yet that close to them after two days but hey I wanted to be specially show them how God moves in our lives, specially since Peter and jun do not believe in God. That was my objective for them somehow (:P I can hear God saying ambitious amor! hehe)But hey at least it was worth a try right?

Then, I begin to feel nostalgic of my past, I miss my super friends Opportunities that shown Gods majestic power in my life I miss someone , someone who makes me smile without even trying to. I miss someone, who makes me feel secure whenever he is with me. Heck, I just feel everyones leaving and I am being left behind. hay.. I hate being emo- cause I no longer am I.

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fallen, for the 100th timeMay 5, 2009 Filed under drained

I just had a bad fall yesterday i tripped while doing my daily walk, I got badly bruised on my left elbow. As in my left elbow got pretty whacked if i may say so myself. Today Im still pretty much shaken, I do not have any broken part of me. (Atleast I hope) I do not want to go to the doctor. I do not have the personal means nor do i have the courage to have myself checked. I do not want my parents to feel me even more as a burden.

Aside from the physical pain that I am feeling at the moment, I feel so burdened right now and I could not honestly say why. I guess this is life in general. Me, my status. My direction. My heart is at the heaviest at the moment, I am trying to fight everything everyday. But right now I feel like my strength is fading, I am trying to pull myself together and hold myself in one piece. I am holding on to prayer to suffice me. I do not have much of my friends right now. Boy, do I miss them so much. Not many people now this, not even my own family. I am so I do not know,,, no words can describe really. To people dear to me who might or might not read this, do not worry too much Ill eventually be fine,

Wish I could be more clear as to what kind of burden is this, but I cant. All i can do now is smile to hide all the pain away.

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somethings not rightApril 24, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

I got home before 12mn tonight from an Sfc big gathering. Showered immediately to get the stink off. I am now in the process of drying the hair. I decided to go online to shake off a negative vibe. I dont know why I am supposed to feel somehow ok, i just got home from a God centered event. I knew He was mobilizing all of us to move and make that difference. But somehow as I got home I felt, this heavy heart inside me I could not specifically say why.. I was just so happy a while ago being with my sisters, family in the community and now this?

I am not certain as to why really but I guess the fact that the plans I had for tomorrow are being changed in so many little ways. I dont know maybe satans just trying to rob me of my joy, I just pray I have the strength to fight the feeling off.

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Yehey I survived !April 19, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

Grabe I do not know where to even begin, without really revealing too much to avoid spoiling it for those who was not able to join us last Friday, Ok let me begin by saying I was not really sure if I wanted to go to the survivor weekend in the beginning. (for obvious reasons even though I knew this time I was ready to face whatever that was coming my way. Anyway compared to last time The minute I heard about it, I knew in my heart Im going..) But of course, as the days flew in the fear was becoming stronger and I was beginning to feel sick in my stomach. To the point I was asking myself was I chickening out? I was already packed for the weekend, but I was still personally un prepared for it and I did not want to go with that kind of feeling that my heart was not into it.For days I have been praying, praying hard for him to set my heart. When Friday came and I felt that nothing was happening to me I decided to tell my mom, (I had to text her cause she was also in the H.O.L.D.s icon ) what was eating me, because I did not want to go like that. What she said somehow pushed my bad feeling off. Why be afraid? we must run this race for the greater glory of God While being there I had to go through a lot of things Live without a lot of things.. and so many others. I know I was not in physical pain as much like the others but even so I felt like I was on to my limits too. I did not want to complain, I knew all my other sisters were feeling way more than me. Our weekend master was always saying everything has a reason, a purpose even if you do not understand (i was reminded of my own mom always saying that to me whenever I feel so tired and difficult in life)I did not realize what I was really feeling till the worship for the first session came, I could no longer contain it. My tears were just flowing out while singing the songs. ( i was shocked myself because I could not figure out why I was reacting that way, Little did I know God was embracing me, removing all the burdens (physical tired body, feeling of unworthiness and other things) after that it was like a whole new ball game. I felt love was in the air for me. I started to feel care from my own group. (surprise suprise for me, they did not see me as a burden,,,, they were willing to do my tasks to help me out)I felt I was worthy to be there, like God told me I am not finished with you yet Amazing!! I was hearing God actually speaking to me again. (He has answered my prayer that more anything else in that 3 days He will speak to me)Things that followed was like Him reminding me of everything was His plan. The tribe I was in, the talks I heard, the songs we sang.. As things were happening a lot of realizations was passing me by, wishing I had a pen and paper in my hand so that I would never forget each one. Everything was going better, I felt I am able to cope up finally( it was one of my worries), then He said to me You will be able to survive this life with my grace I was so overwhelmed with what He was saying to me to the point I said God I cannot grasp it anymore what if I forget everything you are telling me? He just said you wont because it is written in your heart.I am not saying I am now the best woman I can be, I still do not know what my future is with God or vocation. But my prayer is that through time I would not forget the learnings I got from this experince but may I use it, share it and live it to the way God wants it to be,

For He is my reason for waking up each morning therefore He is my purpose.

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bakit ndi subukanApril 16, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized

Bukas na ng gabi ang sfc activity namin sa infant jesus marikina, duon kami mamalagi ng 3 araw, sa totoo lang ayoko sana umalis. Siguro kinakabahan lang ako sa papagawa nila sa akin duon. Hay.. ayoko isipin, pero kagaya ng blog ko ngayon na tagalog, (subok lang) bakit hindi ko rin subukan yung lakad na yon? Tutal wala naman na ako maggawa dahil naka oo na ako sa kanila. Maraming bagay ngayon sa buhay ko na tila wala ako magawa. Tulad ng paghahanap ko nang tamang trabaho para sa sarili ko, ang pag giging single ko pa rin magpa hanggang ngayon, (dala ito ng pagkakita ko sa 2 kong dating college schoolmates na magkasintahan hanggang ngayon) Ang pag giging senti ko at kung anu- ano pa. Pero katulad pa rin ng nagiging tema ko sa buhay ngayon, hanggang andito pa, heto pa rin ang sitwasyon ko bakit ndi subukan ang lahat na pwede ko maggawa dahil ang lahat ay lumilipas din.Kaya ok na rin itong ganito sa ngayon, all the time sa Diyos ko sa pamamagitan ng G.K. Gawad Kalinga, mag uber bonding kasama ng tatay ko (sya rin kasama ko naka kita dun sa 2 ko ka schoolmate) at sa ibang bagay pa sa buhay ko. maayos ka rin, alam ko sa takdang panahon.

RANTING

At the moment I feel draining out. Although I had a fun day since yesterday while taking time to appreciate simple things in my life even if I do not have the next best job yet in my life. Im waiting and I feel it