C O N F L I C T

STEVEN BAUWENS

Selection of poems and lyrics

Poznań2013

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Introduction:

Influenced by the negative, ideas and thoughts sur-face in my lyrics and poetry that deal with conflict. It may exist in three possible situations; within one individual, between people, or between a person and his environment. This selection of work –– they are all connected to one of these types of conflict.

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Creation

As I grow, I fold and leave my pathas other beings dragged me aside to roads I find somehow not meant for me

I glance at my dirt pathstill in sight, still in viewtrying, want to pull backto ride it once more

What am I supposed to be?Something you can hold on tosomething you need for me to besomething you created

Know, this will ask its toll one day,and you will be left aloneas your creation will have faded and we will both be gone

Should I give up myself foryour peace of mindTo live by your rules, your ideas?

Should I give up myself for your peace of mindTo live by your vision on my side?

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A Dream

Fame becomes an excuse for what lies beneath a life of peace, a full grown seed somehow attracted by what seems a dream to afterwards realize a dream isn’t what it seemswe come and grasp within the dark what we don’t see the end of, as if waiting for a sparkif only there was a way to elude a message from within to avoid the illusion of a melody that’s played on mute

I can’t seem to return and replace what one day began as a simple innocenceand at my own pace continue the days in a manner that suits my soul, my own face shaded by a luminance that found a way to cover my greed without further delay an instinct that tells me exactly how to proceed

I wish for once it all will turn out as depicted in my headI wish for once I wouldn’t feel so sad

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Feel Good and Be Sad

Feel good and be sadEverything is out of reach and when you realizethat sometimes what is beyond our willis extremely delightful to dream aboutto wish, to desire, now do you feel the need for appetitemaintaining unsatisfied

Be sad, it’s not yours and it never willdo you get the vision I’m trying to explainit doesn’t depend on satisfying the thrill.true and honest sensation is describedin a frame of dreams, by all meansthat displays the beauty as is it stillsomething divine, out of reach, never mineit goes beyond what we ownit doesn’t have a label nor is it definedit is what is forgotten these dayswhere we learned to obey that to buy is the level on its most highseeing this makes me cry

Feel good and be sadnow sad isn’t necessarily something badit’s misunderstood as something threatfulthe opposite of negative and flatbut in my opinion this state of mindis the most pure feeling a person can have

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Feel good and be sadis what I want to live by, it’s what inside me nowit’s the way to be modest, it’s the way howI think we should all live, love,admire the higher, but don’t try to equal itdon’t let it expire

Feel good and be sadYou know it’s all in your headall you want, all that you’re waitingfor you to have until it is fading to greynow we leave the planet as we camefrom nothing to nothing and all in between

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A Winter’s Day

I died yesterdayI died alone

the tunnel was whiteI was finally gone

the pain was so strongmy head fell apart

The vision, the rhythmIt all felt so hard

The shadows were comingthey took me

on a traveling journeyfar, far away

While the last moments were in front of me

I started to cryI stopped to be

I looked outside as I see little snowflakes falling down, the sidewalks covered with a thin white blanket. Most of the cars wearing a white hat and people wearing caps and beanies.

I saw a dog sniffing along the road. Next to it was a park and the branches were hanging downwards. It’s strange that these snowflakes make everything seem as a part of a bigger plan.

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caught

As a clown I was pictured, caught in your cuckoo’s nestI bought a roundtrip ticket, but it seemed a one-way flight

The sharing of a mutual understanding seems to be turning out into an illusion you started building, a wall appeared, the clown was shut out

I’m standing at the foot of the hill, my arms spread, my hands wide open give back the keys. Access to control is in the other hands

Your snake seduced a little rabbit, it was swallowed downtrapped in an unexpected strangling that sense lost its mind

Let’s play a game, I will be the pawn and you will throw the dice will he go to prison or will he win the game at last?

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My mind is like the universe

My mind is like the universe stars are drifting, going random on and onwho knows if there’s a purposewhat happens if all the parts start crashing, crashing on their ownwill they find a way to split themselveswill they find a way to combine to create a new life, newer thoughts, a peace of mind

My mind is like the universe everything starts bouncing, bouncing all aroundsome days are black, some days are filled with colors that are shining, shining bright

A beam, a glimpse, a move, a trance, an understanding of what goes on in the head

A drift, a glow,a flash, a blowa translation of what goes on in the head

Will they find out?

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I never understood

I never understood why she didn’t smile back the way I did to her, it would have made my day

I never understood why to restart a war as if they forgot how it was fifty years ago

I never understood why a light is so bright and it hurts my eyes when I look straight into it

I never understood how my fingers move when I tell them to

I always thought that I was never in my place and I had to go somewhere else, somewhere far away

I always thought that my values would always stay unchanged but they deform one by one

I always thought others were more successful but then you find out everyone is a fool

I always thought things would change in the end

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Never again

Never again I will leave youNever again I will tease youNever again I will feed you lies I’ve been telling you

Never again I will see youNever again I will be with youNever again I will be waiting by the phone to hear from you

Never again I will define youNever again I will rely on youNever again I will be anymore the one that is a burden to you

Never again I will break youNever again I will shake youNever again I will force you to act as I always wanted you too

Never again I will penetrate youNever again I will elevate youNever again I will share my most precious moments with you

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inside Myself

I wonder sometimes, what’s inside myselfthose phenomenons don’t make me feel so wellsome parts I discovered, others unknowndamn, I promised not to think ‘til dawnwhat I discovered, figured out thoughtsis it real, true, made up, known or false?perhaps it’s my own vision I seemirrored by glass, if it breaks I’ll still be me?

We see a part of what might be truethe rest is uncertain, unable to find a cluelost in predictions, senses, thoughts and dreamswhat is real can’t be heard or seenas we find the light glowing in the dark shapes and shadows are provokedwe exist all random, unknowing where to gowe remain lost but we still look for a flow

What and when can I learn about myself as a dusty book taken from a shelfthat was hidden above for way too longthe pages old, the cover red, the letters boldI feel the urge, in a way drawn to a certain knowledge what might be shownfeared and wanted I want to exploremy own secrets, gifts or doom, peace or war

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Redefine

Redefinethe visions you see at nightUnderline the words you choose to speak out loudRedefine the sounds you hear at sightLet it go, expand yourself, expand your mind

Redefine the reasons you fight for now Underline the rules you set up yourselfRedefine the thoughts you’re thinking aboutLet it go, expand yourself, expand your mind

Redefine the world where in you socializeUnderline the curves you’ve hidden far awayRedefine the choices you make somehowLet it go, expand yourself, expand your mind

Redefine the outcome of your ways Underline the people’s mind you’re dealing withRedefine those who claim to be in needLet it go, expand yourself, expand your mind

It happens on more than one occasion that I got stuck not knowing whythought everything was figured outthought everything was just all rightbut somehow something was missingsomething I figured I couldn’t findinside the truth was blockedI thought I could see reality but actually I was blind

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So rethink what you want in liferethink what you want to docause I can’t choose all this for you

That what’s I had to do for myselfSo come clean, come trueyou got to do what you want to doyou got to do what you got to dowhere is your life?you have to, for yourself

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Rest of My Days

I got a story to tell, and for sure it ain’t pretty how years after years times after times life was shitty when I got poked and bitched around, strangled for the fun of it they went to darken my spirit managed to destroy my roots

To destroy everything I will ever be somehow I deal with the evil flow, that’s what they told me to do, hell no,you think I can forgot, while I got jacked but my subconscious has to saywhatever you do, you’re dead to me

Who knows, what if it dissolvesI’ll live a happy life, get a wife and a dog and what happens with my dark thoughts, the nightmares, the embracing of the shadesoh no, that won’t go away ‘cause I’m stuck for the rest of days

I know I’m not the only one experiencing the same historyfor sure, more are being all mutually living the same contradictory,making the world a better placemovie directors I like, musicians I honestly appreciate

Books that inspire me, the re-discovery of beautythat’s all meaning of life to me that’s all life means to meI got a story to tell, and for sure it ain’t pretty of the creative heroes whose life was shitty

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Growing

Once there was a girl,

Renée was said to be her name,

who had to learn during life

that it was nothing but a game

years to understand

how the pawns had to be played

as it had to be played difficult

that’s how it was made

endless cards, traps and points

it seems such a maze

uncertain what will happen

in those vast many ways

I’m sure she will find it

as for her soul is shaped so pure

whatever setback there is

there will be always a cure

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Full bottle

The sky is high, the bottle’s fullI have the wish to drown it allall my thoughts, let them goput them on a ship and let them flow

Let them disappear from meI hope to never hear or read or seethey caused plenty of painflush ‘em downflush ‘em down the drain

Take out the bigger bottlelet’s pour some liquid inThe first one to the bottomis the first one to win

drink ‘til death and drink ‘til dawndrink I will, ‘til I fall

drink some of these heavenly devilsdrink more ‘til nothing’s there

drink until the bottle is emptyDrink... drink my friend

drink till death and drink till dawndrink I will, ‘til I fall

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Divided by One

Surrounded by the ones we dispute withtorn away from the ones we truly care aboutthe illusion of reality, the authenticity of our dreamsall by all, nothing’s true, nothing’s realall fades, all passes on to another waywe find ourselves split up, cut in little piecesreceiving energy coming from the shades

I say we are divided by one divided by fear

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I am Inside

I am insideI am hiding myself

I am insideI am hiding from myself

I am freeto believe

that I’m trappedtrapped in my wild belief s

that I will dowhat I should do

what I was meant to be

I am scaredto leave my place behind

I am scaredthat I will fall behind

and I tryand I failand I tryand I fail

and I try againwill I ever realize

that it’s only a dream of mine

I am drowningI want to strikeI am drowning

I want you to strikeme with a stone

with a leaf, with a batwith your grieve

with a trial, with a mildstroke that knocks me

out of here

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All around

When I try to understand the worldI see around all the words are made up, modified to perfection by human kindwe say what is needed, a robotic actiondistraction of the self-developed mind we left behind to tell a lieconstruction, definition, paralyzegrasp the shallow, exploit the arealose your soul, connected to heavy dangerconnected to us all

Can I understand the world we tease? will we again, ever feel the lovewhat was meant to be all aroundwhile it’s hard to stay alive and saneSmiling could let us be someonebut whenever we are getting too proudit seeds the worst to accelerateCan I be someone you can tell a lie?

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One Step Back

As I’m haunted by thoughts that keep me from thinking clear,that keep me distracted of the path,that is actual, stuck in a world in betweenas I have seen is nothing but traps within thoughts within a game

There seems to be no end, a circle that returnsendless turns that never reaches an aima level that is stable, at ease, not insaneI wonder, I run, I’m deludedand what have I won?

Besides an endless battle against myselfone always has to losethere seems to be no truce, a day arrives, a year has passedprogress is unlikely as I move back one step

The more I live, the more I realizethat what should come at ageis nothing but a distant memorya finished chapter on a scribbled page

I hurt myself and those aroundmy hate is honest and profoundI can’t, but still I say that one day I will find what I am looking for and stillenjoy what went and what comes

I beg myself to reach the day I will seize so that in the end I do can find my peace

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What we love

Starting out in my daily point where we see the life as it falls upon what we like, what we desire, what we love what puts us on fire, you can call me a liar, but think about those times that your actions are decided by what turns you on, rationality is partly in control, but overall, we are ruled by what is unexplained and will never be more than an attempt to overpaint the inner guilts by a sheet of saintseven when suppressed it’s still here it will never disappear, never be that clear

why we love what we lovewhy we want our passions to be heardwhy we want our passions to be here

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Take My Chances

I wonder every time how life can make its choicesto construct our days, our fortune to predict the inside voiceswhen I feel depressed and downor thrilled as never beforeI wonder every timeis this right, for now and how long it will go on

Sometimes you have to start againnothing stays as it seemsshattered, the puzzle on the floorthe pieces come together one by one, all the trouble on the wayhas a purpose we must bearfor later on, it will revealwhy it happened, it all comes clear

Every time I look aroundEvery time I’m scared to stayEvery time I look aroundEvery time I want to flee and hide

And I know I shouldn’t run and hideI should take my chancesso I wouldn’t fail in life

And I know it’s all worth fighting fornothing to frightened of

© 2013 Steven Bauwens