65
Worries are hereto stay
• Normal, protective feeling
• Necessary for survival
• Helps us perform our best
• Helps motivate us
• Temporary in the moment
4
5
• Social, existen t ial,
future
• After high
school!!!!
Pre-Adolescen ce
Adolescence
• Mortality,
health
Sch ool
• Changes, perform ance,
family
Preschool
• Animals,dark,
separation
Infant/
Toddlers
• Separation,
novelty
Worries to be expected
6
Worries tobe expected
Developmentally appropriate fears
• Survival: separation, danger
Life transitions
• New school, graduation, change in family composition, teenage years
Stressful experiences
• New or unfamiliar situations
4
5
6
2
Worries tobe expected
Temporary
Do not interfere with functioning
Students still successful in achieving goals
7
7
8
9
3
Kids continue to frighten themselves with their own thoughts
10
Expecting something bad to happen
11
12
• Released hormones• Increase heart rate
• Increase blood pressure
• Increase energy
• Increase alertness• Slows other processes (to
fight or run away)
• Secretes acid into thestomach to empty it
Over time leads to cardiovascular problems and lowered immune system
10
11
12
4
13
Physical
sym p tom s
are a p r o b l e m
Anxiety leading reason for children’s emergency
room visits and hospitalizations
50% of kids will have a mental
illness
14
Anxiety is the most common mental health
problem inkids K-12
50% of kids have a
mental illness
15
13
14
15
5
Anxiety is the most common mental health
problem inkids K-12
Not something you
outgrow
16
Anxiety is the most common mental health
problem inkids K-12
Most gowithout
effective support
until after they are atween
17
Teens are extremely susceptible for developing
anxiety
18
16
17
18
6
Significant interference (home,
school, social); anxiety starts to
make decisions
AnxietyDisorder
Significant distress that is
more frequent and more
extreme than that of peers
19
Untreated anxiety is the leading predictor of depression in teens & young adults
Early intervention helpsminimize later problemswith depression
19
20
21
7
70% of all mental health problems begin in childhood nd adolescence
Canada spends over $14 billion each year treating mental illness.
It is becoming the leading health care cost in the country.
Mental health biggest single predictor of life satisfaction,
even more than physical health, unemployment, income etc.
22
23
24
8
Can be preventative. Most treatable disorder
25
How Anxiety Manifests
ids develop patterns of behaviour/ways to
respond to stress depending on whether they
perceive the demands are bigger or smaller
than what they believe they can manage.
Resilient kids
□Effectively respond to
and cope with
everyday challenges+
25
26
27
9
High resilience
Inte
sc
re
ho
st in
ol Effective
problemsolver
initiativ
Assertive
Take
e
EmpatheticResp
trust
onsible
and
worthy
Realistic
Independent
Positive
outlook
Asks for help
when
needed
Low resilience
Low resilience
WithdrawWithdraw
Tantrum/
emotional
meltdown
Tantrum/
emotional
meltdown
AngeroutburstAngeroutburst
AggressionAggression
ResentmentResentment
AnxietyAnxiety
DefianceDefiance
VindictiveVindictive
How Anxiety Manifests:Affect
• Emotion
• Physical symptoms (e.g.,
stomach aches, poor sleep)
• Greater sensitivity to symptoms
• Frequent doctor visits
• Poor school attendance
30
28
29
30
10
How Anxiety Manifests:
Thoughts
• Unrealistic, extreme
• What if ’s…
• The world is dangerous
• I can’t handle it
• Catastrophic thinking
• Feel incompetentDepend on others to reassure them; clingy, co-sleeping, call home
• Isolation
31
Thoughts
• Mom and Dad are late – they must
have died in a car accident.
• My work has to be perfect otherwise
people will think I am dumb.
• I am going to throw up at school
tomorrow.
• I can’t catch a ball very well so can’t go
to school tomorrow when we start basketball.
• I can’t read in front of the class because
everyone will laugh at me.Substitutes
don’t know how to help me so I can’t
go to school tomorrow.
32
How Anxiety Manifests: Behaviour
• Opposition, defiance
• Irritability, tantrum, explosiveness,
moodiness, crying
• Avoidance, escape, procrastination
• Attention seeking
• Difficulty transitioning
• Perfectionism
• School refusal
• Phobia
• Substance use
• Fidgety, nervous habits (e.g., nail biting)
• Distraction
• Rigidity
• Give up easily33
31
32
33
11
34
Behaviours: Internalizing
• Withdrawn/isolated
• Anxious
• Sad/irritable
• Head/stomach-aches
• Eating issues (under- or over-)
• Sleep problems
• Fatigue
• Low self-esteem
• Rejection
• Repetitive behaviours/obsession
• Difficulties concentrating
• Avoidance
• Disorganized
• Cry
35
Behaviours: Externalizing
• Easily triggered
• Disrespectful
• Disregards rules
• Difficulties focusing
• Aggressive
• Lies
• Steals
• Temper outbursts
• Restless/fidgety
• Interrupts/intrudes
• Impulsive
• Defiant
• Argumentative
• Yell
• Repetitive questions
36
FBA
Skill deficit
Teach skills
Social Comm.Emotion
regulation
Rewarding
Attention, task
avoidance, st imulation
Skill deficit! Teach how to get needs met
No bad kids!!! What are they defending?
34
35
36
12
How Anxiety Manifests:
Impairs Daily Functioning
• Sleep!!!
• Academics
• Social interactions
• Happiness and outlook
• Family relationships
37
By the time they are 11…
…kids have seen over
8000 murders
100,000 other acts of violence
…just on TV
37
38
39
13
40
Stress
• Kids are more stressed now than inpatient
psychiatric patients 50 years ago
• Teens report more
stress than adults
• More homework
• More deadlines
• Less resources
• Fewer breaks/recess
40
Already increased stress responses
= increased vulnerability to stress. Add anymore:
• Effects learning and memory
• Greater risk for other mental health problems
• Greater risk of emotional trauma
• Increased stress-induced illnesses
• Alters the maturation of brains
• Compared to adults, unable to cope
• Effects can be long-lasting and even irreversible41
AND I CAN’T HANDLEIT
2
40
41
42
14
Are youmakingcommonmistakes?
Kids learn anxious behaviours from their parents
Rushingreinforces
anxiety
45
43
44
45
15
• Ask lead ing quest ions
• Answer th e i r quest ions
46
It’s real for them
47
48
Brain in high stress state = amygdala icks in and becomes a stop sign for information and any rational thinking
46
47
48
16
4499
□ Can’t learn
□ Can’t remember
□ Brain seeks pleasure (stop trying)
□ Reactive response
fight/flight/freeze)
Anxiety…
• Wants certainty
• Wants predictability
• Wants comfort
Talking a nd do ing
makes it feel
impor tant !
Catering to t he fears.
Reassur ing t he fears.
Avoiding t he fears.
alking abo u t t he fears.
= Persist ent fears.
51
49
50
51
17
Avoid traps
• Adults jumping in harms kids:
• Changes brain development
• Can’t make problem
solving connections
• Learning limited
• Anxiety ingrained
• akes kids vulnerable because no opportunities to
experience manageable amounts of stress
• Confidence stunted
Avoid traps
• Protected kids who are told they
are special with few challenges
and little responsibility
• Do not learn to value hard
work
• Do not play by the rules
• Entitled
• Narcissism
• Socially inappropriate
behaviours
• Fall the hardest when stress
hits
Resilience
Ability to adapt well to
adversity, trauma, tragedy,
threats, or even significant
sources of stress.
52
53
54
18
Positive
adaptation or
Risk or adversity
competence
Key Ingredients
Resilience
90% of kids and adults successfully decrease their anxiety through
lifestyle changes that foster…
56
55
56
57
19
Assertiveness training
Asserting yourself = feel
good brain
• Self-assertion decreases
anxiety by producing a
sense of mastery and
control over the
environment
• Small kids can do it!
• Identify and express
their feelings
• Ask for appropriatehelp if worried or uncomfortable
58
Self-control, willpower, & motivation DON’TWORK
58
Warning!Avoid placing too
much emphasis on
the individual
student.
59
60
20
Warning!
• Brain is changed through the
EXPERIENCES we are exposed to.
• The right experiences build
resilience.
• We need to provide the right
experiencesWe need to
provide the right
environments
Factors that BuildResilienceChild Factors
• Self-regulation, coping, & healthy thinking
• Social skills
Family Factors
• Relationships and connectedness
• Parenting skills
Community Factors
• Positive peer interactions & school relationships
• Healthy risktaking
Societal Factors
• Social and cultural values
• Political and economic conditions
• Legislation
Self-control, willpower, & motivation don’twork
Motivation comes from circumstances Environment rich
inopportunities
61
62
63
21
Resilience
E
Riskor
Internal adversity
resources
xternal
resources
Resilience Pyramid
Individual Factors
Opportunities
Social connection
Supportive environment
66
64
65
#1: Start with yourself
66
22
67
Stress andanxiety arecontagious
Freaking out and problem solving
are not compatible
68
69
67
68
69
23
Most dangerous wordin our language
• Releases stress hormones in your AND
your listener’s brain
• Shift what you choose to attend to (and
how you do it) loosens anxiety
70
Use mirror neuronsBrain can’t tell the difference
71
Show confidence =
FEELconfidence
70
71
72
24
Being Helpful
• Connection
• Flexible
• Show your own vulnerability
• Being brave
• Model effective coping
• Seek and receive help
• Recognize own unhelpful thoughts and
behaviours
• Self-care (even breathing regularly)
73
Being Helpful• Give kids the chance to do, think, and make
mistakes on their own. What are 3 things you canstart tomorrow?
• Dress on own
• Pack own bag
• Order own dinner
• Run own bath
• Make own breakfast or lunch
• Solve conflicts
• Make own friends
• Encourage kids to try new things, even whenscared
• Create opportunities to be successful(especially with previous failures)
• Teach kids to be comfortable in the world
• There is no certainty
75
73
74
75
25
Safe, nurturing environment…
Relationship
• Create strengths-
based opportunities
• Recognize and
reinforce adaptive
behaviours
• Collaboration on
things
• Tweens & teens – need
status and respect
• Validate
• Avoid power
struggles
76
Safe, nurturing environment…
• Sense of control
• Sense of belonging
• Sense of contribution
77
Safe, nurturing environment…
Multiple adults need to be part of their fan club
Bullied
Mom
DadGramps
Math Mom
Writing
Grams
Dad
76
77
78
26
Help KidsNavigate Resources
79
What resources exist
• Rare for none available; just need to
know they are there
Make resources available
How to access resources
• Set up support
Start from Strengths! Multiple self-esteems
Trouble in one area doesn’t mean kids aren’t confident in others.
Capitalize on Multiples sources.
Highlight Strengths….
Capable Caring Careful Charismatic Charming
Cheerful
Competitive
Cooperative
Decisive
Determined
Educated
Enthusiastic
Fast
Fun
Grateful
Honest
Imaginative
Integrity
Joy
Learning
Magnetic
Mysterious
Optimistic
Passionate
Philosophical
Precise
Quick
Respectful
Self-confident
Clever
Confident
Courageous
Dedicated
Diligent
Efficient
Entrepreneurial
Flexible
Funny
Happy-go-lucky
Honour
Initiative
Intelligent
Jubilant
Listening
Mature
Negotiator
Open-minded
Patient
Playful
Problem Solver
Quiet
Responsible
Self-controlled
Collaborative
Conscientious
Creative
Delegator
Disciplined
Empathetic
EQ
Focused
Gentle
Hardworker
Hopeful
Independent
Intuitive
Justice
Logical
Modest
Non-linear
Orderly
Peaceful
Pleasant
Proud
Reliable
Responsive
Self-reliant
Communicative
Considerate
Curious
Dependable
Eager
Endurance
Fair
Forgiving
Generous
Healthy
Humorous
Insistent
Jester
Knowledgeable
Loving
Motivated
Obedient
Organized
Persistent
Polite
Prudent
Resilient
Sarcasm
Sensitive
Compassionate
Content
Daring
Detailed
Easy-going
Energetic
Faithful
Friendly Goal
oriented
Helpful
Idea generator
Inspiring
Jovial
Leadership
Loyal
Motivator
Observant
Outgoing
Persuasive
Practical
Punctual
Resourceful
Savvy
Sharing
79
80
81
27
….& Connect to challenges
Otherwise, you get resistance
• Because this is scary.
• The scariness outweighs
anything other than buy-in
83
Confidence over anxiety
84
82
83
84
28
Anxiety is normal. Anxiety knows how to
overwhelm BUT is totally predictable and treatable.
Confidence over anxiety
85
#3: Teach
What anxiety is
and what it
wants.
86
85
86
What anxiety is &what it does….
• Anxiety is normaland will always bewith us
• Need it forprotection
• Helps improveyour motivation
• Helps you doyour best
87
87
29
What anxiety is &what it does….
• Amygdala
• Animal brain the size of an
almond
• Our alarm system
• Can be helpful…
88
88
What anxiety is &what it does….
….BUT most of the time it sets off
false alarms
• Humans are the only ones that
can worry about the future
• Blocks the rational part of the
brain and takes over our imagination
• Brain can’t tell we’re imagining it
and our body responds like it is
really happening
89
89
What anxiety is &what it does….
• Visuals helps kids identify(and quantify) feelings (anabstract concept)
• Kids can use thisinformation to change howthey feel
90
88
89
90
30
91
Panic! Terror!(I amoutta here)
Really, Really Nervous(Ack! Help!)
Really Nervous(Not sure how I am going todo)
Starting to feelnervous(But I think I got it)
Cool and Calm(I got this)
Understand how anxiety shows up = Adaptive thinking
The mystery is gone
Of course you feel uncomfortable!
No wonder - your adrenal
glands have sent out all that
yucky stuff. That makes sense.
92
Understand how anxiety shows up = Adaptive thinking (mystery is gone)
I understand what my body is doing
I can handle what my body does
I can handle discomfort
I know I can breathe to make my brain and body calmdown
Expecting physical sensations helps reduce signals to amygdala
93
91
92
93
31
What anxiety is & what it does….
• Can’t turn the alarm off
• We can’t get rid of worry
• We can’t get rid of the feelings
• The discomfort will still be there
BUT we CAN
• Take control and take action
• Be ready for worry when it shows up
• Stretch ourselves and do the opposite
from what worry expects
94
Blaming genetics/biochemical reasons leads to pessimism about recovery (i.e., there is nothing I can do about it)
Teach: genetic expression and chemical makeup is changeable. Leads to optimism.
95
96
Rigid
• Must know, needs to be my way, yeah but
All-or-nothing
• Never, always, no matter what, nothing can
change
Avoidant
• I can’t unless…, I don’t want to, I am sick
Permanent
• I will always be like this.
Catastrophic
Thoughts arenot
trustworthy!
94
95
96
32
97
Yep, that’s your story you’re
trying to tell me. Nice first draft.
Nice conspiracy.
You’re normal.
This is not an emergency.
You’re annoying.
I am learning.
Expect positive outcomes
• How do high school students cope sociallywhen they are told that people can change
“socially relevant traits”
Yeager et al. (2016) How to improve adolescent stress
responses. Psychological Science, 27(8), 1078-1091.
98
Expect positive outcomes
• I might not know what will
happen but I know I can
develop the skills and tools I
need to handle uncertainty.
97
98
99
33
100
This feeling isn’t great. But I am still learning. And I can
handle it.
I can be anxious but follow through with what I need to
do.
This is temporary. I will just let my body do its thing.
This isn’t an emergency. I have felt this way before and
will make it through again.
#5: Teach Skills
□ Externalize
101
ExternalizeYou are not your anxiety
102
100
101
102
34
Expose it
• Remind how anxiety works
• Yep, there’s the gremlin.
That’s what he does.
• Wow, he’s working hardto make you think theworst.
• He really knows how to
try to freak people out.
• Yeah, we knew he’d show up now. Hedoesn’t want you to goto your sleepover.
103
Draw cartoons
Mute it
Say it really fast
Mimic it
Roll my eyes – you’re
so boring!
Make fun of it
104
#5: Teach Skills□ Externalize
□ Tolerate discomfort and not knowing
105
103
104
105
35
The problem with technology#426: It takes uncertainty away
Stop playingdefense.
Get onoffense.
Create Opportunities for Independence• Remove attention from anxiety
• Includes giving reassurance, talk, andaccommodations
• There is no certainty
• Give kids the chance to do, think, and makemistakes on their own
• Get ready to gohome
• Pack own bag
• Check their homework
• Solve conflicts
• Make their ownfriends
• Encourage kids to try new things, even whenscared
• Create opportunities to be successful (especially with previous failures)
• Teach kids to be comfortable in the world
106
107
108
36
When vs. if
Expect worry to show up!!!
When the gremlin shows up, what does it do? Say?
• What parts are helpful?
• What parts are not helpful?
• How does he want you torespond?
• How do you respond?
109
Wants comfort Do opposite of
& Certainty what itwants!
110
If I am uncomfortable
It is temporary
• I am learning and growing
• I am retraining my brain and resetting my alarm
system
• I can do what I want to do
109
110
111
37
112
I am willing to be
uncomfortable & not know how it will turn out.
Over & over!
• What are things you have
already done/learned to
do?
• What uncertainty was
there?
Use stories or pastsuccesses
113
• I want to go on the class tripso I am willing to go to get the needle and not know how much it will hurt
Write it out!• Too much to process and remember
• Visuals help make connections
Connect with Buy-in!
• I want to go to come into class happy so I am willing to say good-bye to mom at the car even though I wanther in class with me
• I want to be part of the play so I am willing to go to the audition and I am willing tofeel anxious
112
113
114
38
115
What worry says: 1.2.
3
What I am going to say back:1.2.3
Never negotiate with the terrorist! Get out of crisis. Get out of avoidance.
Once there is Teaching how to
h a n d l e w o r r y(the unexpected)
Even whenwe are uncomfortable
through p r o b l e m-s o l v i n g t h i n k i n g
• Versus offeringcertainty andcomfort
• Versus helpingthem learn toavoid the world toprevent worry
• Versus expandingtheir answerbank
awareness
when/how it
shows up we
move to:
#5: Teach Skills□ Externalize
□ Tolerate discomfort and not knowing
□ Problem solving & Flexibility
117
115
116
117
39
118
I amafraid of
Why I
should try
How I will keep anxiety from standing in
my way:
Problem solving
No solving problems for them! Kids
need to experience discomfort so
they can work through it
No lectures or explaining!
Give lots of opportunities to
figure out what works and what
doesn’t
Collaboration
Brainstorm ideas and create a
plan
Pros/cons
Break into parts Good, bad, neutral
Self-talk
Scaffold language
• What would…. Do?
• What workedbefore?
Problem solving: Foster Creativity
• Creative play and
activities
• Divergent thinking: Find out of the
box solutions
• School problems
• Classroom problems
• Family problems
• Individual situations
118
119
120
40
Problem solving: Fear of unknown
• What if I miss the bus?
• What if no one picks me up?
• What if someone is mean?
• What if I have an allergic reaction?
• What if I get lost?
• What if I am late?
• What if I have to go pee?
• What if I get hurt?
121
• Brainstorm solutions
• Listen (vs. talk)
• Open-ended questions
• As many as possible: Noevaluations!
• Pros and cons ofeach
• Choose one
• Make a back-up or two
• Evaluate: what worked? Didn’t? What
was hard? Easy? Next time?
Jim’s mom • Wait with Jim
gets a flat at the waiting
tire spot
Jim’s mom • Go to
forgets to the
pick me up office
The office • Find
is lockedthe
janitor
Can’t find • Walkthe janitor home
123
121
122
123
41
124
What Iknow
• Friend’s name and hismom
• House
• Dog
• I have my own pillow
• Will watch a movie
What I don’tknow
• Where I will sleep
• What we will eat
• What time we willgo to bed
• How dark it willbe
• If the hall light will stay on
• If we will have snacks
• What we will do after movie
• What movie we willwatch
• What time people get up
• If his brother isannoying
• If he will fart at night
Book of Wisdom Answer own questions based on past experiences
and lessons learned
125
126
124
125
126
42
• Pair with a coping strategythat works
• Model it
• Use regularly
• When feeling good or
neutral too
127
Cool and Calm(I got this)
Panic! Terror!(I amoutta here)
Really, Really Nervous(Ack! Help!)
Really Nervous(Not sure how I am going todo)
Starting to feelnervous(But I think I got it)
Coping Experiment
Strategy How well i t works I l ike t h is
st r a tegyNot a t all A little A lot I am better
Get a drink of water
Draw a picture
5 deep breathes
Chew gum
Read a book
Jumping jacks
Other idea:
128
129
Sounds like Feels like I can
127
128
129
43
130
Strategies: Review success book; Do 10 jumping jacks; I’ve got this
Adults: Ignore anxiety but be available
Adults: Remind and coach
Adults: Help identify anxiety and what it’s doing; coach
Strategies: Boss back (Leave me alone!)
Coping Card
1. Anxiety is normal and not dangerous. It’s just being a
bully.
2. I can boss him back – I have done it before!
3. My tummy and chest hurt, but that’s the anxiety trying to
make me even more worried. It’s not a problem.
4. Ican:
131
132
130
131
132
44
No idea how it will work out.
But, I am going to use what I’ve
got to get through.
• What strengths do I have?
• What resources are available?
Create op p or tu n i t i es
Talk about
flexibility and how you manage uncertainty
133
134
Unexpected event of the day & how you handled it
135
135
45
Modelling
• I feel frustrated. I need to take aminute to think what to do next.
• Can you help me brainstormideas?
• That’s a tight timeline. I am goingto plan this out.
• I am a little nervous; I have no ideawhat will happen. Let’s figure thisout.
136
Practice Flexibility: Get Unstuck
• Looks like anxiety has you stuck
• What little change can help?
• How can you find that out?
***Brainstorm to build flexible
problem solving.
138
Chain of flexibility
Wall of Flexibility
136
137
138
46
#5: Teach Skills□ Externalize
□ Tolerate discomfort and not knowing
□ Prob lem solving & Flexibility
Growth Mindset
139
Growth Mindset: Effortover outcome
• Effort/coaching statements: theycan figure it out (e.g., You can dothis!)
• Collaborate ideas re: how
they can figure it out
• Hypothesis: I predict… (e.g., you
will feel 8/10 proud when you are
done.).
• How did you do?
• Did you try your hardest?
• What did you learn?
• What will you do differently
next time?
I know you can figure it out. Go brainstorm with _______ and make a plan. Come back and tell me your plan.
I look forward to hearing thepositive things you will say to yourself as this gets hard.
Lets brainstorm the ways you can boss back this inner critic.
What are other ways to deal with this problem instead of fighting?
I know you can stick up for yourself. What are things you can say to them?
Growth Mindset Cues
I know you can figure it out. Go brainstorm with
and make a plan. Come back and tell me your plan.
I look forward to hearing thepositive things you willsay to yourself as this gets hard.
ets brainstorm the ways you can boss back thisinner critic.
What are other ways to deal with this problem instead of fighting?
I know you can stick up for yourself. What are things you can say to them?
139
140
141
47
Effort over outcome
• BUT if kids fail, some may beat themselves
up because they did not try hard enough
• The environment to help them be successful
is as important as personal effort
Growth mindset
• Today is your lucky day!
• Failure = get to t ry again! Yay!
• Now we have all of this information we can learn from
this failure…Now we know so much more
• What did you notice?
• What did you learn?
• What needs to happen next time?
143
• Have a “Mistake of the day” to share a mistake
they faced, how they fixed/handled it, and what
they learned
• Use feedback statements and questions so kids
can analyze the problem and learn from it
Embrace mistakes
142
143
144
48
Embracing mistakesWhat was this experience like? What did you learn today?
What mistake did you make that taught you something?
What did you try hard at today?
What can you learn from this?
What will you do the next time you are in this situation?
What advice can you tell others based on this?
Take accountability for
failure and mistakes
• Rather than deflect failure, focus on the child’s role to
learn from the experience to grow and improve
• 1. What was your role?
• 2. What could you have
done differently?
• 3. What have you learned?
• 4. What’s next?
Try & try again
Learn & pract ice a rote
phra s e to keep going
“Fall seven times,
get up eight”
– Japanese Proverb
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□ Identify t h e silver lining: wh a t was lea rn ed or gained?
□ Gain a n ew perspective.
□ O p en s o t h e r possibili t ies
□ Lessens t h e st ress resp on se
• Draw a picture of a difficult
situation & draw on the flipside
them mastering it
• Help internalize messages
FLIPSIDE
• What did you do to get there?
• How did they master the
situation
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Pride!Masters of our
fate
Instils a love
for learning
Intrinsic
motivation and
momentum
with tasksPersistence
despite
frustrat ion
Success
Feeling good
through hard
taskHave fun to
boost
motivat ion!
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Anticipatory Pride
• PRIDE VS. SHAME
• SMALL STEPS VS.
LONG GOAL
• CO NTIN UED
PROGRESS
#5: Teach Skills□ Externalize
□ Tolerate discomfort and not knowing
□ Problem solving &Flexibility
□ Experience
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When kids avoid things they don’t feel comfortable with,they lose the chance to practice and grow
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90% of what kids learn is from what they experience
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The problem with
technology#37:
It takes away important
opportunities
Entitlement
• Everything comes easily
• Everything always worksout
• Expect every reward there is
• Ethics of hard work lost
• Self-esteem suffers
Poor coping
• No opportunities to manage stress
• Avoid
• Anxiety
• Give up when it is not easy
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Create Opportunit ies: Stress Inoculation
CHOOSI NG ANOTHER WAY TO GIVING UP
Face fears… and the unknown
Otherwise, leads to avoidance, which is debilitating
and changes the brain
Builds immune system to develop coping skills
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Takerisks!!!
• Doing something brave
and difficult is more
important than the
outcome
• Experience to cope with challenges – realize they
CAN manage and have thecapacity to succeed
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Risk-takers advantage
• Exposing kids to opportunities for
some risk is helpful
• Travel
• Be with the people
• Fly on their own
• Limits on screen time• Let them buy them themselves
• Scheduled activities – one man one
kit
• Learn the skills they need to
survive early
• Quad
• Help with important events
without criticism
• Hanging lights
• Using tools
• Bake
Creating Opportunities :
Capitalize on current challenges!
□ Challenges are part of life.
□ Dealing with them is part of learning.
□ Optimize teachable moments
□ Let them try.
□ Let them fail (but don’t set them up for failure)
□ Kids to takeaccountability
□ Understand other’s perspectives
□ See the consequences of their behaviours
□ Work through next steps and how to fix
things
Create challenges!
□Challenge of the day, week, or month
□Work through things on their own
□Challenging puzzles
□ Airplane riddle
□Might get frustrated in the moment but theintrinsic reward once solved is far greater
than if helped
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Exposure
• Talking not enough to change the brain
• Doing makes stronger memories
• Doing gives us experience
• Kids learn first hand they can manage
anxiety!!!!
• Worry MUST show up for learning to
happen
• Do new things – more engaging. And,
stretching!
• Quicker progress
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Exposure
• Set up as a series of experiments
• Repeat exposure to buildconfidence
• Persevere despitesetbacks
• Praise/reward
• Short-term, immediate rewards
• Explain why rewarding
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Exposure• Collaborate – need to focus on things they WANT to and then figure out how
What should we start with?
Predict:
What will worry say? How will
your body feel? What will your
parents do if you get sucked back
in?
What can you say if your parents get
sucked in?
What will happen if you move on
when worry shows up?
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Don’t end exposure until anxiety decreases!
Habituation Curve
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Work on it everyday
• Focus on what skills
your child needs to
develop specifically
• Problem solving
• Making mistakes
• Asking for help
• Frustration
tolerance
• Persistence168
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• Stretch
•Do opposite
• Of what normally would
do
• Of what worry expects
• Break worry rules
• Create opportunities for
greater independence
• Shy child order own food
or ask for help
• Go beyond comfort
• Be silly!
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Practice!
Structured teaching trials
□ Teach kids the skills they need
to tolerate and cope with the
stress
□ Set up the stressor
□ Practice skills
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Hard Working
on itSuccess!
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Lots of Important Opportunities!!!
Experiencingrejection anddisappointment
Without
softening it
Taking ownership, even
in unfair situations
Circle of
influence
Making a difference
With self, with others, with the situation
School Avoidance
• Need to get kids in the school as quickly
as possible as long as possible
• Staying at home relieves the child
• Relief = reinforces anxiety
• Remove incentives for staying
home
• Separation anxiety
• Limit hellos and good-byes
• Normalize moment of good-bye,
focus on moment of hello
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School work• Still coach (e.g., division)
• CPS
• Timed period of productivity
• One-minute writing – anything!
• Process over product
• One step at a time with employee
assistance
• Focus on effort-improvement
connection
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# 6: Exercise
• Kids are not meant to sit all day
• Stretching and yawning can reduce stress
• Exercise boosts serotonin and melatonin
• Tires and relaxes muscles,
• Supports bodily processes for sleep
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• Remind how worry works
• Those gremlins are up to their usual tricks.
• Making your forget how to manage this.
• Making you think the worst is going to happen.
• Making you want to run away and not have any fun.
• Trying to get stronger by making you forget.
• Sorry dudes, we are going to build a reminder bridge.
• Past successes with managing worry
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Anxiety is
p red ict ab le.
O u r responses
sho u ld be too.
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More to think about
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RelaxationAs a Family!
• Mindfulness
• Muscle relaxation
• Deep breathing
• Mantras (Positiveself-talk)
ModelMindfulPresence(Use all of your
senses and
comment as you do)
□ Frost on trees
□ Raindripping
□ Taking mindfulwalk outside
□ Drink coffee in the morning
□ Smells
□ Chimes, bells, crystal bowls
□ Experiment with things that are
peaceful
□ Use them to visualize
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Pair a cue word with a relaxed body (e.g., rub fingers along
body while resting/in tub)
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Self-soothing• Play!
• Music
• Nature
• Warm bath
• Wrap in warm blanket out of dryer
• Smells
• Hobbies/crafts
• Chimes, bells, crystal bowls –
reverberate
• Mantras – repeated 10x morning and
night
• Touchstones to remember to practice
• Crystals, rock, mineral – natural
resources
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Let it go
• Daily intention
• Example: Imagine washing away
stress when wash hands.
• Stay fully present to feel the suds
and the waterMantra – I am
letting go all of the stress and
worries. I am going to have a
restful afternoon.
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Family Rituals
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Family Rituals:
Tea time!
• Reading or homework
• Chamomile – helps
ith sleep
• Jasmine and lemon
balm also soothing
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Family Rituals: Let it go
• Daily intention
• Example: Imagine washing away
stress when wash hands.
• Stay fully present to feel the suds
and the water
• Mantra – I am letting go all of the
stress and worries. I am going to
have a restful night.
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Family Rituals: Dance party
• Friday shake
• Dance lets go of tension
• Few minutes of music; let go of
self-consciousness!!!!
• Upbeat
• Get jitters out
• Shake your whole body
Wind down the night
• No screens (or homework)
2+ hours before
• Stops melatonin from
being released
• Dim lights
• Read, soft music ok
• Gentle side stretch
• Review of positives with
snack
• Protein and carb –
cottage cheese or Greekyogurt with dried
apricots. Turkey on bread with milk. No cocoa.
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Sleep considerations
• Cool 15-18 Celsius (60-65 F)
• Wake up earlier
• Helps reduce anxiety
• Gets body ready for bed
easier
• Use the time for movement
and good breakfast
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• Exposure to fearful images and stories
Minimize Screen time• Weaken their ability to use their brain
power to overcome anxiety and bepresent
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Dr. Caroline Buzanko
Koru Family Psychology
www.korupsychology.ca
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