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Facilitator: Ms. Mahjabeen Haque, Associate Professor, Dept. of Psychology, University of Dhaka Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin, Trainee Educational Psychologist, M.Phil part 1
Facilitator: Ms. Mahjabeen Haque, Associate Professor, Dept. of Psychology, University of Dhaka
Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin, Trainee Educational Psychologist, M.Phil part 1
Disciplining children without shouting and spanking
Specific objectives: Understanding of discipline What parents should do? ABC’s of disciplined parenting. What does shouting and spanking teaches? Importance of empathy Importance of parental self-talk Tools for discipline Humor in discipline Group activities to solve specific behavioral
problems
Moreover we focus on Developmental milestone Difference between boys & girls Kohlberg’s moral development
Facilitator: Ms. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
One of the biggest challenges in raising children is providing proper discipline.
What do you think of when you think of
discipline?
Is it about punishing a child to make her behave?
Is it about teaching proper behavior?
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
DISCIPLINE
"
The true meaning of discipline is not punishment, but the development of self-
control.
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
Discipline is about teaching children appropriate behavior and helping
them become independent and
responsible people.
Discipline is-
giving your child the tools to succeed in life.
discipline is based on building the right relationship with a child
more than using the right techniques.
helping your child develop inner controls that last a lifetime.
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
Parents should-1. accept children’s inborn personality and
temperament
2. help them develop a sense of responsibility for their actions
3. create a loving and safe environment built on mutual trust
4. teach them decision making and
problem solving skills
5. show them how to handle mistakes
as challenges rather than disasters
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
ABC’s of DISCIPLINED PARENTING
DECIDE ON THE SPECIFIC BEHAVIOR YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE
PRAISE YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR
CONTINUE THE PRAISE AS LONG AS THE BEHAVIOR NEEDS THAT SUPPORT
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
ROLE PLAY-1
TRY TO AVOID POWER STRUGGLE WITH YOUR CHILDREN
BE THERE
AVOID BEING A HISTORIAN
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
ROLE PLAY-2
These are counterproductive behavior to control the child’s misbehavior. It gives the child the massage that their parents are more powerful and bigger than them,
so they can do whatever they like.
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
ROLE PLAY-3
Shouting and spanking never teach appropriate behavior, which is the number one task of
parenting.
So what does shouting and
spanking teaches???
Facilitator: Ms. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
how to shout
how to hit others
how to create fears in others
how to be ashamed
how to take anger on others
how to be mean
So, these are not the healthy ways of controlling a child’s behavior.
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
All degrees of shouting and spanking-light, moderate, occasional, rarely always give children the wrong kind of attention
Spanking as punishment simply drives bad behavior underground. It only stops the behavior from happening in front of parents
When parents spank children for misbehavior, they stop their children at the lower level of moral development
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
Spanking is the earliest experience a child has with violence. Children learn to behave in violent ways through adult example. When they see its permissible for adults to hit children, they assume it must be permissible for children to hit adults or other children
Hitting begets hitting as well as
anger, revenge, disrespect, hatred
and breakdown of communication.
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
The primary message children receive whenparents shout or spank is that adults are
bigger, stronger, and more powerful than children; and can inflict fear and pain ifdispleased. The resulting sense of being a
victim and being powerless in the face of greater size and strength creates fear and anxiety in children and ultimately the desire to use violence themselves when upset.
Children who are frequently abused, threatened with abuse or who witness others being abused are at very high risk for learning that violence is a way to solve problems, get what they want or protect themselves from a perceived threat.
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
THE IMPORTANCE OF EMPATHY AND MATERNAL WARMTH IN DICSIPLINE
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand another person’s situation, feelings and motives.
Children are empathetic by born
Girls have greater capacity than boys to understand emotions
By 2 years of age, both boys and girls are able to understand others feelings.
By 4 years of age, children have the ability to comprehend the reasons for other’s feelings.
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
Greater maternal warmth is associated with increases in children’s empathy during the second year of life, but children whose mother controls them with anger show decreases in empathy.
Use of shouting or spanking to manage children’s misbehavior erodes their ability to be empathetic.
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
Self-talk is defined as what people say to themselves that governs their behavior.
Parents are encourage to use self-talk to help them to avoid falling into the habit of saying irrational things to themselves.
Self-talk should be used to set ourselves up for success rather than failure.
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
ROLE PLAY-4
Beat-the Clock
-It’s a motivational techniques that
uses a child’s competitive nature
to encourage her to complete tasks on time
Grandma’s rule
-It’s a contractual arrangement that
follows the pattern “when you have
done X (what the parent wants the
child to do), then you may do
Y (what the child wants to do)”
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
Neutral time
- It’s a time that’s free from conflict. Neutral time is a best time for teaching new behavior because the child is calm and receptive to learning .
Praise
-To verbally recognize a behavior that you want to reinforce. Praise should always describe the behavior not the child.
Reprimand
-It’s a short statement that includes- a) a command to stop behavior b) a reason for stopping c) an alternative to behavior
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
ROLE PLAY-5
Rule
-A pre-determined behavioral expectation that includes a stated outcome and consequences
Time Out
- It’s a technique where a child is taken out of a situation for a set period of time
usually because of inappropriate
behavior.
Facilitator: Mrs. Mahjabeen Haque, Co-facilitator: Mst. Afroza Parvin
Jester's cap will serve the best during tough discipline time
Humor Gets Jobs DoneHumor is a way of getting jobs done. For example: Instead of "Go make your bed," his comical mother let the bed do the talking. "I walked by your bed this morning," she said, "and it cried 'Please cover me, I'm cold.”
Humor Surprises:Mothers can turn into comedian and can use humor to get cooperation from herchildren
Humor Protects
Sometimes humor works better than expecting your
child to follow your command especially for safety
purpose.
For example: Three-year-old Rasel had a habit of drifting
away from his parents, especially in market places. Dad
decided to play the blind man's game. As they came out
of a store, Dad put his hand over his eyes, gave the child
his hand, and said, "Please hold my hand and lead me to the car." Of course, he peeked a lot.
Humor Disarms
Children can look at your face and
realize when you are going to say no to
something. They are already mustering up resistance; you break through by putting on your best comic mask. Humor also helps snap a child out of regressive behavior.
Use Humor Sensitively
There are times to be serious, and there
are times to be funny. Both have a place in
disciplining your family. Much of your
discipline can be amusing to your kids,
and it's fun to have an admiring audience.
GROUP ACTIVITY
GROUP PRESENTATION
What specific behavioral problem of child you want to solve?
