Forgivenessand reconciliation

Étienne GodinotTranslation : Claudia Mc Kenny Engström

28.04.2015

Forgiveness and reconciliation

Contents

- The desire of revenge : recognise it, confront it, forgive it.- Characteristics of forgiveness- Examples of forgiveness and reconciliation between people- Examples of reconciliation between groups of people- Data and quotations of forgiveness and reconciliation

The desire of revengeRecognise it, confront it, forgive oneself for it…

The structure of this part is borrowed from Robert Shohet, therapist, consultant and coach. He lives at the Findhom Foundation in Scotland where he organised in 1999 a congress on Forgiveness.

According to a presentation given during the Forgiveness Days, organised by Olivier and Annabelle Clerc and Alain Michel, at the Val de Consolation meeting centre (Doubs), 1-4 November 2012.

The desire of revengeRecognise it, confront it, forgive oneself for it…

1 - Revenge is generally born from a feeling of betrayal . It is important to recognise this feeling.

2 - The person betrayed creates its own identity as victim (“ the entire world is against me ”), akin the terrorist who creates him/herself an identity on a culture of oppression, of injustice.

3 - Like all human beings, the betrayed ones feels the need to be right : “ It’s his/her fault ! ”But really, faults aren’t always unilateral, and the “ line between good and bad crosses the heart of all human beings.” (Alexander Soljenitsyn)

Photos : Revenge in literature : Honoré de BalzacAlexander Dumas

The desire of revengeRecognise it, confront it, forgive oneself for it…

4. The betrayed person also feels humiliated and shameful . Shame comes from a feeling of powerlessness, revenge gives a feeling of power.

5. The betrayed person accuses, wants revenge, because he/she struggles with sadness , loss, recognising his/her sufferance.

6. The body, after a betrayal, is in shock , prints it, engrams it. That is why forgiveness works on a person as a whole (head, heart, guts).

Cinema : Vengeance one by one (1975). A doctor wants revenge over the killing of his wife and daughter by Nazi soldiers.

The desire of revengeRecognise it, confront it, forgive oneself for it…

7- The betrayed and wounded person is in projective identification : “ I’ll show you how it feels ! ”.The violated individual becomes the violator who wants to see in the eyes of the victim the same fear as he/she felt.

8 - The desire of revenge is encouraged or exacerbated in a procedural society (reproach, blame, complaint, trial) and fear (asepsis, traceability : insurances for all acts of life; fear of communism, immigration, Islam, etc.)

The desire of revengeRecognise it, confront it, forgive oneself for it…

9 - Revenge becomes a sort of addiction , a cerebral, intellectual drug. The thought of the betrayal and the idea of revenge go round and round, impossible to stop.

I host all my negativity in the desire of revenge, my brain is polluted, my life is polluted.

The thought of revenge is both the condition and the initial phase of the act.

The desire of revengeRecognise it, confront it, forgive oneself for it…

10 - Work on ourselves or introspection is the way out. Listening to another person, preferably a professional, is very helpful.

11 - Taking care of myself. Are my thoughts good for me ? For the people around me ? For humanity ?Am I ready to forgive myself for the damage I cause to myself ?

The characteristics of forgiveness

The structure of this par is based on Jacques Lecomte’s findings, doctor in psychology and francophone expert in Positive psychology, lecturer at the University of Paris-Ouest Nanterre.

On the basis of a presentation during the Forgiveness days (1-4 November 2012 in Val de Consolation, France).

Forgiving is not forgetting

Forgiving is not forgetting.

It’s impossible to forgive for something that isn’t remembered. It is necessary to hold within our refusal of the wounding act. If 90% of those mistreated in their childhood treat others well in adulthood, it is also because they remember what they went through.

“ Far from erasing the past, forgiveness can modify it and give it another meaning, revealing other futures possible after the past. Forgiveness gives future a memory.” Paul Ricoeur.

“ The project of forgiveness is to break the debt, not to forget ” Olivier Abel

Forgiving : distinguishing a person from its act

Forgiving the other of an act, is to be conscious that that act was inacceptable, but it also refusing to assimilate the person to the act.

Crime is reprehensible, but the criminal is still a person with dignity, qualities (visible or hidden) and capable of transformation.

It is the same on a collective level: Nazism is abominable, but the German people cannot be assimilated to Nazism.

Forgiveness is not the justification of the author’ s act

Forgiveness is not looking for excuses or extenuating circumstances for the author of the act.

He was my aggressor, what he did is inacceptable, whatever reasons pushed him to commit the act.

But of course, knowing about the aggressor’s environment, his past, explains the act and can help forgive him.

Forgiving is not a duty

I don’t forgive because I “must” forgive or because I was told I “have to” forgive.

Forgiveness is always a choice of the person, done in freedom, as result of a liberating process.

“ Forgiveness is not an obligation, it’s a gift ”. Paul Ricoeur

Forgiveness is not reconciliation with the other

It is enough for the one offended to forgive the offender for there to be forgiveness, even if the offender doesn’t know about it, even if the offender has been dead for a long time.

Reconciliation supposes an act between two people, between two groups of people: the offender asks for forgiveness and gets it from the offended party, or the request can be mutual, but forgiveness is not reconciliation.

Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a reconciliation with myself.

Forgiveness is done on two levels and has a double effect

Forgiveness intervenes on two levels :- thought, will : it’s a decision, a choice, a change in attitude. It requires courage and time.- emotions : suppose and generate the disappearance of sourness, resent.

Forgiveness has a double curative effect : it frees consequences of the act both- for the one who is forgiven, the guilty one- for the one who forgives, the victim

Forgiveness is not reserved to believers

For the believer, desire and strength to forgive comes from elsewhere. His faith, what his religion dictates and the support of his community of faith can help him forgive.

But, even if the word is religiously charged, forgiveness does not presuppose a faith or spirituality.

There is a secular forgiveness, non-confessional, it has an auto-therapeutic effect.

Forgiveness implies refusing the desire for revenge

The one who forgives knows his/her desire for revenge, but succeeds in overcoming it.

Revenge nurtures the memory and wound to inscribe eternally a debt of hate. Forgiveness frees from a past that cannot be surpassed.

But pardon can also be a sort of noble and unexpected “revenge”, a response in goodness to an act of hate, a gift that abounds in a logic of equivalence. The need for revenge can be sublimated by fighting against discrimination, hate, violence.

Forgiveness implies the decrease and then absence of resent

Forgiveness is an antibiotic that allows bacteria resent, hate, bitterness, judgement… all those feelings that spoil our lives, to be cancelled.

Forgiveness has a curative value, not only for the one forgiven but also for the victim who forgives.

Many are only cured from mental or psychic disorders after having forgiven or been forgiven. Some are only ready to die after forgiveness was given or received.

Forgiveness implies empathy for the author of the a ct

The person who forgives not only frees him/herself from hate towards the author of the hurtful act, but also acquires empathy, even love, for the author.

Examples of forgiveness and reconciliation between people

• Maïti Girtanner and her torturer• Larry Trapp and the Weissers• Kim Phuc the Vietnamese• Reconciliation with one’s parents• Reconciliation after medical error• Tim Guénard• Roger MacGowen in death row• The Forgiveness Project• The Palestinian Izzeldin Abuelaïsh• The Tibetan Pälden Gyatso

Maïti Girtanner and her torturer

Maïti Girtanner (1922-2014), resisted during the war, and was tortured by young SS Doctor Leo, who destroyed her nervous system. In hospital for 8 years, she will never play the piano again and suffered incessant pain. During 40 years, she prayed for her torturer.

In 1984, she received a telephone call. Leo, dying, asked her if they could meet. “ As I was leaving, he was standing, at the end of my bed. In an inrepressible gesture, I embraced him to drop him in the heart of God. And he murmured : “ Forgive me ! ” . On his way home, he told his family what he had done during the war.

Later, Maïti says: “Forgiving him liberated me, soothed me”.

Larry Trapp and the Weissers

Lawrence Roger Trapp, fanatic anti-Black, anti-Jew, anti-Asian activist, was the Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan in Nebraska, and had fomented to destroy the synagogue et Lincoln city. he had harassed on the phone a Jewish couple, Michael and Julie Weisser, who answered him without hate or anger, appealing to his conscience.

Seeing death linger after a kidney disease, Larry Trapp called the Weissers from his wheel chair and told them: “ I want to get out of this, but I don’t know how ! ”. They informed their friends, went over to his shack, gave him the ring of fraternity, and stayed with him three hours.

Larry Trapp and the Weissers

Larry asked them, as they were leaving, to take away all KKK signs, as well as Nazi flags.

The couple arrange for a medicalised room to be installed in their house, and let Larry stay with them. He then asks all those he harassed to forgive him, and becomes a civil rights activists.

Julie Weisser quits her job as a nurse and takes care of Larry until his death.

Larry converts to Judaism in the synagogue he wanted to burn down. He dies on 6th September 1992 and is buried in the Jewish cemetary.

Photo : - Michael Weisser- Larry Trapp’s grave

Kim Phuc the Vietnamese

Kim Phuc is nine in 1972 when her village is bombed. Burnt by napalm, she is in pain and screams. The picture taken by a journalist helps end the war. Baptised 10 years later, she engages in a dynamic of forgiveness. She now lives in Canada with her husband and children.

Before Vietnam veterans in Washington, she explains that if she were to stand in front of the pilot who dropped the bomb, she would tell him “ we cannot change history, but we can do our best to promote peace ”. John Plummer, one of those who ordered the bombing, was among them. She opened her arms to him and said: “ I chose reconciliation, and my life changes. I stopped being a victim ”.

Reconciliation with parents

“ Reconciliation with parents was, for centuries, fear and submission.

To start expressing your anger towards your parents, write freely everything you need to tell them. Leave the “package” in your shrink’s practice and express towards your parents the emotion they will be able to handle.

The simple presence of a non-judgemental third party facilitates mutual listening. No judgement, each one listens to the other and will be invited to reformulate what was heard. I saw in my practice fantastic parents. They walked in rigid, terrified, angry, distant. They walked out calmed, listening, warm and loving ”.

Isabelle Filliozat, therapist

Forgiving after a medical error

In 1993, Bénédicte Delbrel dies of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, like 116 other children treated with contaminated growth hormone. After 17 years of investigation and a 4 month long trial, 6 accused, doctors and pharmacists, are released in January 2009. Her parents, Francine and Jean-Guy Delbrel, feel abandoned by Justice and cannot forgive.

Only one of the accused out of the 6 was human, went to see the children in agony and their families : Henri Cerceau, Director of the Central Pharmacy of Paris Hospitals from 1981 to 1991, and who had committed no fault in this tragedy. The Delbrels will meet with him at the Sénanque monastery during 4 days.

Photo : Henri Cerceau, documentary on this theme

Tim Guénard

Abandoned by his mother at the age of 3, Tim Guénard is raised by a violent and alcoholic father. At the age of 5, he is hospitalised after having been abused by his father and lies in a coma for 2 and a half years. He then goes from psychiatric hospital to foster family or detention centres before running away to Paris at the age of 13. The hate he feels towards his father and desire for revenge bring him to fighting sports: he becomes a boxer.

His encounter with Father Thomas Philippe, members of the Arch or Mother Teresa, help him gain confidence in others and himself. He gets married, has four children and becomes a beekeeper. In his house, in South-West France, he welcomes handicapped people, tells his story in prisons, churches and schools.

Roger Mac Gowen in death row

Born in 1963, Afro-American. At the age of 22, to protect his elder brother, he lets himself be accused of a murder he didn’t commit. His trial is full of serious legal mistakes. He is sentenced to death in 1987, a sentence suspended thanks to appeals. For 23 years, he sat in death row in Texas, in the prison of Livingston.

An international committee supports him and pays for a very good layer. He holds on despite hard living conditions thanks to an unbreakable willpower, intense spirituality and deep faith. His call for forgiveness and gratitude is heard by thousands of people around the world.

Interreligious reconciliation in Nigeria

In May 1992, on a property issue, riots explode between Christians and Muslims in Zango-Kataf. Minister James Wuye loses his right hand. Imam Muhammad Ashafa witnesses the death of two cousins and spiritual father. Each one nourishes the same obsession: revenge. “For months, I looked for James everywhere, remembers Mr. Ashafa, I wanted to kill him”.

Three years later, they are introduced by a common acquaintance. They talk. And on each side, an interior revolution takes place. Hate is slowly replaced by tolerance, and later complicity. The two friends lead today another fight: stop the violence between Christians and Muslims that regularly set fire to the north of Nigeria.

6th November 2009 in Paris : they were awarded the Fondation Chirac Prize for Conflict prevention.

The Forgiveness Project

This British association founded by Marina Cantacuzino gathers and publishes the testimonies of criminals who have asked for forgiveness, and of victims who have forgiven. Its goal is to invite people to envisage alternatives to revenge, hate and violence.

The association fosters a repairing justice program in prison, raises awareness in schools on nonviolence of conflicts, mediatises its testimonies and organises events and training programs.

Photo above : Marina Cantacuzino

The Palestinian Izzeldin Abuelaïsh

This gynaecologist graduated from Harvard University, lives in Toronto. He speaks Hebrew and is the first Palestinian doctor to work in an Israeli hospital.

In 2009, three of his daughters and his niece are killed in Gaza by Israeli bomb during the Cast Lead Operation. Refusing to fall into hatred, he chooses to continue, in the name of his daughters, his fight for peace and creates the Foundation Daughters for Life that promotes girls’ education in the Middle East.

“ We are Siamese brothers. All violence done to one touches the other. I am against all types of violence, wherever it comes from, whoever it is done by, Israeli soldiers and settlers or Palestinians. Because violence never brings to Justice ”.

Päldèn Gyatso the Tibetan

Born in 1933, Tibetan Buddhist Monk. In 1959, he participates in the uprising against Chinese invasion. Tortured, he is sentenced to 7 years imprisonment. He escapes, is caught, sentenced to another 8 years. Freed in 1976, he is forced to labour in Chinese camp. He alerts his fellow citizens of what goes on in Chinese prisons. He is again imprisoned, tortured with electroshock. He spends in total 33 years in prison and camps. After his liberation in 1992, he leaves Tibet for Dharamsala, in Northern India, where Tibetan administration in exile has its head quarters.

“ Deep inside me, I feel no resentment for the Chinese. All that is in the past. I forgive those who tortured me. Nonviolence in important, hate is the contrary of Buddha. hate brings you nothing, neither to me nor to others. It is my duty and the duty of all Tibetans to find the dialogue and pacific solution ”.

Examples of forgiveness and reconciliation between groups

• Franco-German reconciliation• Algerian war Veterans against the war• Reconciliation between Albanians and Kosovars• Reconciliation in New Caledonia• The centres founded by Marguerite Barankitsé• Black and White reconciliation in South Africa• Rabbis and Imams for peace• Reconciliation between Palestinians and Israelis

Franco-German reconciliation

Franco-German reconciliation is a model of transformation in former enemies’ relations. Representatives commemorate the past by calming its initial meaning (enemies’ hereditary confrontation) and integrating to it a new meaning (the tearing apart of brother people).

For François Mitterrand, it is “because they have suffered one for the other ” that nations “ should tell others the importance of building a new world ”. It is because “ they have weighed on history ” that these two people are deemed worthy of “ bringing a little wisdom to the world ”.

Images : - Konrad Adenauer and Charles de Gaulle, 1962- François Mitterrand and Helmut Kohl, 1984

Franco-German reconciliation

Among the actors of the Franco-German reconciliation (and the creation of a Europe of Peoples), are also initiatives and organisations such as :- The Office Franco-Allemand de la Jeunesse (Franco-German Youth Office)- The World Federation of Twin cities- the European program Erasmus for student exchanges in Europe

Algerian war Veterans against the war

In January 204, four peasants from the Tarn and Aveyron (France), Algerian war veterans, as time had come for them to benefit from their veteran pension, decided to refuse it for themselves and rather donate it for peace actions.

They created the Association des Anciens Appelés en Algérie et leurs Ami(e)s contre la Guerre (Association for Algerian war veterans and of friends against war, or 4ACG).They declared: “ At the time, we said nothing. We lacked the courage to scream out our disagreement to the world (…). What we saw and lived in Algeria, the utter uselessness of the conflict, witnessing the horror of war, the desire to transmit this memory to younger generations feeds this initiative ”.

Algerian war Veterans against the war

Today, they are over 300 financing actions in Algeria (Tazla, Mostaganem, Boumerdès, Tizi-Ouzou, Constantine), in Palestine (Gaza, Hebron, Jordan valley, Kalandia), Morocco : agricultural development projects, microenterprise support, education and training projects led by their own beneficiaries.

Beyond those concrete actions, 4ACG gave itself as objective - to promote peace and reconciliation between Algerian and French people, - and nonviolent resolution of conflicts.

Reconciliation between Albanians and Kosovars

When Albania and Kosovo got their freedom back, they gathered the strength to resist ancient Kanun rule, which dictates revenge, haunted minds and made many victims.

Anton Cetta, Kosovar ethnologist, animated a process of reconciliation between families and clans. The first phase consists in discussing separately with each family in conflict. Official reconciliation, second phase, is done before witnesses.

On 1st May 1950, 500 000 Albanians* gathered in a place later called the valley of reconciliation near Deçani.

* from Kosovo, Macedonia, Montenegro and South Serbia.

Reconciliation between Albanians and Kosovars

The toughest of men cry together of joy, finally free in their movements and activities.

This great reconciliation contributed to restore the moral and dynamism of both Albanian Kosovars (9/10th of the 2 million people) oppressed by Serbian power and victims of a true apartheid.

It generated mutual help initiatives between fired workers, and help people forgive policemen for their acts of violence.

It finally gives a new dynamic for parallel participation in school, health or social organisations.

Photo : Anton Cetta and Ibrahim Rugova

Reconciliation in New Caledonia

In May 1989, Kanak Djubelli Wea shoots down Kanak separatist party (FLNKS) president Jean Marie Djibaou and his vice president Yiewéné Yiewéné before being killed by Kanak police officer Daniel Fisdiépas.

Two years after the tragedy, Manaki Wea, Djubelli’s widow, expresses her desire to enter in forgiveness and reconciliation. Women accept reconciliation, so long as all children also accept this initiative. Ministers and priests organize meetings between themselves.

300 people from a tribe get on boat and plane to meet with another tribe, who greets them and cooks for 600.

Photo below : Kanak flag

Reconciliation between Kanaks in New Caledonia

After 14 years, with time and gatherings, customary ceremonies, gifts, spoken words of forgiveness, the wounds heal.

In June 2005 on the Larzac plateau (France), the widows of the two assassinated leaders and several of their children, the widow of the assassin, the policemen who killed him, come together from New Caledonia, as friends, demonstrating their reconciliation.

Photo : Kanaky memorial in the Larzac

The Marguerite Barankitse centres

On 25th October 1993, during the civil war in Burundi (300 000 dead), this Tutsi woman gave shelter to 25 Tutsi and Hutu children in Ruyigi Church school. 72 people were massacred by Hutus in front of her, tied up naked to a post.

In May 1994, she opened the Shalom House in a school, a home for Ruyigi children. She later opens 130 Angels Homes (children centres, hospitals and hospices, etc.) for women, children, orphans, and AIDS victims from all ethnic groups in Burundi, Rwanda and Congo. These homes welcome 20 000 people.

Black-White reconciliation in South Africa

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission, created in 1993 and presided by Archbishop Desmond Tutu, had as one mission to take inventory of all those victim of human rights violations during the Apartheid, since the Sharpeville massacre in 1960, in order to support national reconciliation between authors of this violence and their victims.

Advocating for national reconciliation, Nelson Mandela met with Henrick Verwoed’s widow, he who had been architect of the apartheid. Nelson Mandela invited the white judge who sentenced him to prison for tea. He encouraged Black South Africans to support Springboks rugby team during the World Cup which took place in South Africa in 1995.

Photos : - Desmond Tutu

- The film Invictus (2009)

Black-White reconciliation in South Africa

Amnesty was granted on two conditions : not omit anything about the crimes and offences in depositions; having acted under order of the hierarchy in the belief of serving a “political objective” (the so-called protection of the white race, for instance).

The South African commission did not judge, it amnestied acts or not, but not individuals, with relative parsimony : out of 7 116 requests for amnesty, 1 312 were granted, 5 143 rejected.

The idea rested on three principles : truth (about crimes), reconciliation (amnesty) and repair (State repair of caused damages). The third dimension was, unfortunately, not fulfilled, thus weakening the whole process. Nonetheless, this experience opened the door to another mode of Justice.

Photo : Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu

Rabbis and Imams for peace

The Foundation Hommes de Parole created by Alain Michel gives itself for objective to renew the dialogue between men and thus act directly on the causes of a conflict. It brings together those who cannot meet in traditional contexts and gives them the opportunity to meet each other, discover their similarities, common needs, find solutions to their differences, build and act together.

- Reunion in Caux (Switzerland), June 2003- Brussels Congress (Belgium), January 2005- Seville Congress (Spain), March 2006- Paris Congress (UNESCO), December 2008

Photos : - Alain Michel,

- Seville congress

Rabbis and Imams for peace

During the Brussels Congress in January 2005, after a minute of silence in memory of the tsunami victims, a Hebrew canticle was followed by one in Arabic. 170 Imams and Rabbis held hands, calling for truth and self-criticism. They prayed together at the Great Mosque and Brussels Synagogue.

The next congress will took place in Bangalore (India) in 2013, on invitation of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

“ We do not fight because we are Jews, Christians or Muslims, we fight because we are more than that ”.

Photo below : Bruxels congress

Parents Circle - Families Forumbetween Palestinians and Israelis

In July 1994, Arik Frankenthal, young soldier of 19 in the Israeli army, was captured and killed by Hamas. His father Yitzhak Frankenthal, wealthy businessman, understands that Palestinian violence is the result of Israeli occupation in Palestine. He sells his business and created in 1995 the Parents Circle - Families Forum. This association of grieving parents, Palestinians and Israelis, works for reconciliation of the two people, and counts today more than 500 families.

Members gather to dialogue, give conferences, involve themselves in projects promoting dialogue and reconciliation.

Photo : Yitzhak Frankenthal

Rami Elhanan and Ghazi Briegeith

Rami Elhanan : Israeli, graphic designer in Jerusalem. In 1997, his daughter Smadar dies in a Palestinian suicide bomb. Him and his wife understand that this attack is the result of the occupation, and decide to forgive, and become members of the Parents Circle association. In September 2010, they are part of the crew on board the catamaran Irene that denounces the Gaza maritime blockade.

Ghazi Briegeith : Palestinian electrician living in Hebron. His brother is killed in 2000 by a young Israeli soldier at a border control. He joins Parents Circle. “We don’t need to love each other to build a bridge between the two nations : we need respect”, he says.

Both are members of the Forgiveness Projects.

Figures and quotations on forgiveness and reconciliation

“ Forgiveness does not concern events whose trace should be protected, but rather on the debt whose charge paralyses memory, and, by extension, the capacity to protect oneself in a creative manner in the future.What forgiveness adds to the work on memory and grief, is its generosity.Forgiveness is first what is asked to another, first of all the victim. Forgiveness is asked for, not granted automatically.The important is to erase the debt, not to forget ”.

Paul Ricoeur (photo) Forgiveness that can heal ?

“ God always forgives; men, sometimes; nature, never ! ”Pope Francis to Nicolas Hulot

Reconciliation in Sumerian civilization

In Sumerian civilization, the oldest to the world (-6 000 to -1750 B.C; writings circa – 3500 B.C), the word “sickness” doesn’t exist : the word “being in darkness” is used in its place.The 3 criteria of health are:

- Knowing how to forgive,- Knowing how to say thank you,- Being happy.

The annual ritual of repentance and grand forgiveness lasts for one week. Jealousy, sadness, desire for revenge and hate are transferred on substitute objects that are thrown in the fire.

Photos : - Gudea, King of Lagash, builder, poet, therapist- Marguerite Kardos, Sumerian and eastern civilisations specialist.

Religions and wisdom of forgiveness and reconciliation

Lao Tse, founder of Taoism : “I treat with kindness those who are kind. I treat with kindness those who are not. And thus wins kindness ”.

In Buddhism, if we react with hate or violence to a crime and sufferance, we tie and reinforce the negative karmic links that will only increase, both for us and the guilty one, dragging us down to inferior rebirths.

Socrates : “ One should therefore never answer to an injustice nor harm another Man, whatever he or she might have done to us ”.

Photos : - Lao Tse

- Socrates

Forgiveness and reconciliation in Judaism

The most important Jewish celebrations is the Great Pardon, the Yom Kippur, or day of redemption.The specificity of forgiveness in Judaism is that it is not a state of grace, but an answer to man’s call.

That is why it is sequenced in three moments :- comprehension of one’s fault,- will to transform one’s action,- real behavioural transformation.

“ Yom Kippur acquits men of their sins before God, but not of the sins towards others, unless forgiveness was granted by the offended.”

Mishna Yoma 8:9

Forgiveness and reconciliation in Christianity

Jesus of Nazareth was very clear: “ When you present your offering at the altar, if you remember your brother holds something against you, leave your offering, go ask forgiveness to that brother, then come back, and present your offering” or“Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you ”.

To Peter’s question, he answers it isn’t enough to forgive 7 times, but “70 times 7 times”, in other words, infinitely. On the cross, he says “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing”.

The parable of the Prodigal Son or the loving father is the one that abrogates most clearly all other parables presenting a justice God.

Photos : - Jesus by Rouault- The loving father forgives his son, by Rembrandt.

Forgiveness and reconciliation in Islam

“ May they forgive and absolve! Don’t you like it when God forgives you ? And God is forgiving and merciful ! ”

(Koran, 24:22)

“…But if you forgive (them), look beyond (their) faults and forgive (them), know that God is forgiving, very merciful ”

(Koran, 64:14)

“ And the one who endures and forgives, that is truth, is part of good dispositions and case resolution” (Koran, 42:43). For that reason, believers are forgiving compassionate and tolerant people, “who dominate their rage and forgive others”

(Koran 42:43).

Photos : - The Koran- Calligraphy of al hilm (indulgence)

Forgiveness and reconciliation in Bahaism

“ The virtues who follow dignity (Man’s) are tolerance, mercy, compassion and kindness towards all people and tribes on Earth ”.

“ What he does not desire for himself, he should not wish for others, and he shall never promise what he cannot hold. He shall forgive the sinner and never despise his miserable condition, for no one knows how even he will be like in the end ”.

Photos : - Siyyid Ali Muhammad Shirazi, or Bab (« The Door ») (1819-1850), precursor of Bahaism- Mirza Husayn Ali Nuri, or Baba’u’llah (1817-1892), founder of Bahai religion

Forgiveness and health

Many studies show that those who can forgive are in better physical and mental health than others.

Psychological and physical symptoms such as back pains, insomnias, abdominal pains, mental illnesses, depression, are significantly reduced for those who forgive.

“ There is a psychology of forgiveness. When you don’t forgive, you are worried ” (Dr Herbert Benson, after a survey on 1500 individuals)

Photo : Van Gogh, At Eternity’s Gate (1890)

Healing the Heart

According to Olivier Clerc, personal development coach, something unpleasant (ex. : someone tightly overtakes me) generates an emotion. This emotion is interpreted (“What an idiot, probably a dealer ! ”) and reinforced by this mental interpretation.

To evacuate anger and fear, and in order not to fall into revenge, the aim is to find interior freedom and free my mental from its submission to emotion, by imposing on myself to look for another interpretation, even if that is less plausible (ex. : “His wife might be giving birth in the back seat ”).

Photos : Olivier Clerc

From the individual to the collective

Individual cumulated resents generate a “ black cloud ”, a collective negative energy (desire for revenge, designation, scapegoats, nationalism, fighting, etc.), incarnated in and out of control between the fragile and wounded ones (ex. Hitler).

On the contrary, positive feelings (empathy, benediction of the other through thought, eyes and heart) feed a “ positive cloud ” whose energy is incarnated in and deploys throughout those looking for humanity (ex. Gandhi, Mandela).

• Instead of wanting to understand immediately what is going on, the conviction that life as meaning (or faith in life) invites us to accept, thank and understand (ATU).

The Toltec agreements

according to Miguel Angel Ruiz

1 - Be impeccable with your word. Do not use it against others.

2 - Don't take anything personally. You are not the cause of others’ acts.

3 - Don't make assumptions. Have the courage to ask questions and express your true desires. Communicate clearly in order to avoid misunderstandings.

4 - Always do your best. Avoid judging yourself, feeling guilty and having regrets.

5 - Be sceptical but learn to listen. Listen to the intentions below words.

Nonviolence and forgiveness

“ Forgiving is wanting peace with others and myself. But for just relations to be efficient, the offender must take his responsibility (…).

To regain confidence in the future, victims must be allowed to express their suffering and obtain justice. It is indispensable to judge at least those who carry the responsibility of characterised crime. Claiming general impunity would not allow wounds to heal (…).

Collective hate is what needs to be turned off, and only then can forgiveness happen. Pardon then appears as a crucial political moment ”.

Photo : Jean-Marie Muller and his Dictionary of nonviolence.

Nonviolent struggle and reconciliation

“ Nonviolent resolution of conflicts leaves the possibility open for people to be reconciled, on the long term. At least, it helps to avoid exclusion and prepares the future. But what it wants to obtain is justice, all justice and nothing else but justice (…).

We can expect a struggle for justice to allow reconciliation, but not that will definitely reach it (…).

Reconciliation is a long process of healing from both sides of a conflict ”.

Jean-Marie Muller

Photos : - The Salt March initiated by Gandhi

- Montgomery bus boycott organised by Martin Luther King.

Reading

“ The forgiveness with which I wish to end the conflict, I write down its perspective from the start (…). But for this encounter to continue in truth and respect, it is fundamental the other does not lie on what he is and what he has done. I have the obligation to not be naïve, to check what he says and interrupt the relation when I see it is no longer in truth. Justice in necessary for forgiveness ”. Jacques Sommet ■