H4 Fortune Cookies

H-4 Fortune Cookies50 Inspirational Thoughts That Change Your Perceptions About Leading Life On A Dependent Visa

Sonia SarafCopyrighted Material

ForewordSonia Saraf took the plunge of being a H-4 wife by leaving behind a content lifestyle

and a well paying job in her homeland India, to follow her heart all the way to San

Diego, California. On May 31st 2008, accompanied by her husband, she landed on a

new soil. She was cautioned by many about the tribulations of being a H-4 wife or a

“dependent” visa holder. But that did not deter her from feeling excited with the

anticipation of a brand new life that awaited her. She did not particularly harbor a

fascination about the “The Land of Opportunity”, in fact she had never imagined

herself living in a country besides her home country, but here she was…ready to

discover a new life and embrace all the surprises that come with it. It wasn’t long until

life ambushed her with some unexpected twists and turns. But something inside of

her kept her going, strongly and steadily, slowlybut surely…

Copyrighted Material

It was her curiosity; an unending desire to learn new things, adapt to changes that

bring in positivity in her husband’s and her life, a strong passion to focus only on

“what is possible” rather than “what is not possible”; which eventually led her on a

path of self-discovery. She firmly believes that her dependent status is the single most

factor that has helped her in understanding what she really wants to do in life. Her

experiences of living in the “LandofOpportunity”have liberatedher atmany levels.

Sonia began her quest of assimilating in a new culture by waiting tables and venturing

into freelance writing gigs, which paid her next to nothing…but she enjoyed every bit

of it, because for once she was living a life that was not ordinary, not predictable, and

finally she had a different story to share…


The alarming number of stories that she heard about depression, loneliness, and

repentance experienced by H-4 wives as an effect of the immigration laws for

dependent visa holders, invigorated her to bring about a positive change in their

psyches. She was consumed by a strong desire to find a medium that will enable her to

share her secret of leading a life full of happiness and sheer bliss while being on the

condemned dependent visa; which not only imposes restrictions on having an

independent source of income, but might also involve an agonizing wait to earn the

license that renders the official rights to work in America. She sincerely hopes that the

50 inspirational thoughts contained in her book : “H-4 Fortune Cookies” spark a ray

of hope in the lives of all those wives who have left their homelands to be in a

progressive country, yet feel constraineddue to their immigration statuses.


This book is dedicated to all the H-4 wives who believe that “life is a struggle” in a new

country, especially when it involves leaving behind a well paying job, a stable career, or

promising educational achievements in their respective home countries. It is for those

who believe that they are not free despite living in a free country - “The Land of

Opportunity”; that they have sacrificed and surrendered a significant part of

themselves to their restrictive immigration statuses.

Sonia deeply desires to liberate all the H-4 wives from their mental inhibitions and

inspire them to realize their dreamswhile being on a dependent visa throughher

50 Inspirational FortuneCookies


Who Says You Are A Dependent?

The world would not have progressed without dependencies. Even therichest country cannot operate without the help of not-so-rich countries.For years developed countries have been depending on developingcountries and vice-versa. That’s how the world has achieved its pinnacleof glory in all the areas. Dependency is a strong word that has thecapacity to move mountains and bring in prosperity. It is not to beperceived as condescending, but a powerful state of mind that invokes theact of giving and receiving.


What identifies as you a dependent? Your passport indicates a visa which allowsyou to legally stay in “The Land of Opportunity”. Does it have a dependentmark stamped across it? No! The trials of being on “Dependent Visa” or “H-4Visa” have been blown out of proportion. It’s time to realize the true power thatthis visa holds and how it can actually help you to transform your life.

Open these 50 Fortune Cookies, either one a day or all in one day…in asequence or randomly, and get inspired to live your life to the fullest! Share thegood fortune by passing on these fortune cookies that stood by me during toughtimes, and are stocked with a lot of goodness & hope for all those who need a freshperspective about “lifeon H-4”.


1. You are in a new country! Here’s your chance to experience a completely different

culture, speak a new language, learn interesting customs, observe things that are so

contrasting to what your eyes are accustomed to, and sample new cuisines. This is so

exciting isn’t it? Not everybody gets a chance to live multiple cultures, discover new

history, and visit places whose existence was merely known as a colored area on the

study globe that you spun around as a child. You are living a life filled with surprises,

new stories, unique experiences…live to the fullest by making the most of today…the

present…the currentmoment.


2. There’s a reason why the phrase “The Land of Opportunity” holds true. Although

the opportunities won’t be presented to you right away, remember you are in a

country that pays you handsomely if you dare to dreambig and prove your worth.


3. Learn...Absorb…Observe…Explore. Transform these verbs into daily actions of your

life. These words are life-changing! And guess what? Nobody and nothing can stop

you or restrict you from putting them into practice. Don’t let the laws of immigration

define your thoughts and actions. They are not as prohibitive as you speculate them to

be.


4. You may be technically dependent on your partner for materialistic things, but your

partner is solely dependent on you for the non-materialistic things, the real things

that add meaning to your life - unconditional love, support, companionship and

strength, whichwithoutany doubtholdmore power overmaterialism.


5. Feeling dependent is a state of mind. The more you carry the dependent stigma on

your shoulders and make it visible through your words and actions, the more

dependent youwill feel.


6. This is the time to explore your passions, those hidden desires and talents which

were submerged underneath your busy past. You finally have time for yourself.

Manifest those unrealized dreams which seemed illusionary into a staggering reality.

If you think only money can help you in achieving your dreams, it’s time to open your

mindand see howmuch can be achievedwithoutmoney!


7. Sure…life has slowed down, life suddenly seems so absurdly different, so unlike what

you’ve been living. It’s amazing how we get so habituated to a routine, so influenced by

the stereotypical lifestyle defined by those around you and your peers. We call it our

“comfort zone”, but in reality it is a “stagnant zone” that has stopped you from

exploring the boundless options in your current life, interrupted your journey of self-

discovery, deprived you from enjoying the simple& sweet pleasuresof life.


8. The moment you feel down and depressed, tell yourself “I have embarked on a new

journey and it is going to take time for me to achieve what I really want. Let me enjoy

this adventure. Not because I have to…because I want to. I have the right to be happy

and I’m so fortunate that I’ve got a chance to experience a new beginning. Let me

transform this into something which seems like the best thing that has ever happened

tome.”


9. There isn’t a better time to ask yourself “Am I clear about what I want from my life?”

Maybe, this is the time to think deeply about what you really want. Did you ever

imagine time to be so patient andnot pace aheadof you unlike its old habit?


10. Who says you are a dependent? You are in perfect health, you have two hands and

feet which give you the ability to go places and try different things. You have an

independent mind that just needs a little nudge to think beyond your imagination

andmake thingswork for you.


11. Should life come to a complete halt because of your visa status? We are living in a

world that is in a constant state of evolvement. And it is a lot of work to stay abreast

with the latest trends. Who says you can’t be busy? You can very well be a busy bee if

you decide to learn something new. Do you want to allow your dependent status to

freeze your brain or utilize the time that you have in your hands to stimulate it? It’s

reallyup to you.


12. You have crossed the border which defined the threshold of everything that you do,

your very existence. You have traveled Seven Seas to unravel an unexplored territory.

These have been the very actions of all the great leaders, the powerful warriors and

authoritarians. This is not to imply that life is going to be a battlefield. This is to imply

that you are not a victim of circumstances due to your dependent status. You finally

have the reigns to a life full of adventure. Control it, Direct it, Guide it, Discover it!

After all, what is life if it’snot definedby a journeyof mountains and valleys?


13. It’s not about leading a life that is a mirror image of how your life has been in your

home country. The key is to blend into the new culture by retaining your indigenous

cultural values. You won’t feel like an outsider only if you know how to strike the right

balance between the original beliefs that built your identity and the fresh perspectives

that are being introduced to you, which are addingmore layers to your identity.


14. So you feel your hands are tied because of the immigration rules and regulations?

The first step to untie your hands is to break away from those mental shackles and

accept “It is what it is” and think about “What next?” Nothing defines the end of the

world, unless you let it! A brand new opportunity finds its way to enter your life in the

bleakest moments, only if it senses that you are receptive for a change, you are ready

for a new beginning, and for a new you!


15. “Don’t follow the crowd it will only take you to places where others want to go.”

This inspirational quote by author and motivational speaker Sonia Ricotti affirms that

it is okay to choose a road that is less traveled. Being a part of the flock traversing a

path that seems safe on the outside might not be safe from the inside as it is likely to

nurture a feelingof helplessness anddejection.


16. “I don’t have time to pursue my hobbies and my passions!” Was this you

exclaiming a few years ago? Time proved to be attentive and quite generous indeed.

Finally, you have its undivided attention and you can use it to fulfill all your bottled up

desires. At last, you can indulge in what you love to do! Every time you are

overwhelmed with a negative emotion of guilt because you are not a part of the rat

race that everybody around you is, remind yourself that fulfilling your passion might

lead to what you reallywant to do for the rest of your life!


17. Talent is dependent on passion. Passion is dependent on self-discovery.

Self-discovery is dependent on realizing what makes your life a wonderful journey.

Your life’s journey is dependent on the choices you make. The choices you make are

dependent on your reactions to the prevalent circumstances. Your reactions to the

existing circumstances are dependent on your thoughts…The state of dependency can

be unbelievably powerful, yet so underrated and oftentimes misjudged. So when are

you taking the first step to discover your talent with the help of your state of

dependency?


18. Transform the time that you have on your hands into something that uplifts your

spirits and makes you feel so proud about yourself that you actually set an example

for the rest of your friends who are suffering from the “feeling dependent” syndrome.

It could be anything - writing a book, achieving that perfect body which seemed real

only in your imagination or…fill in the blanks with what you have always wanted to

do, but has always remained an unfulfilled desire.


19. The only thing that can make you feel handicapped or defeated is your mind. Only

you possess the power to influence your mind and guide it to achieve what you really

want in your life.


20. The next time you feel that you are not independent just because you don’t have a

full-time job, think about all those Mothers who voluntarily dedicate their time in

taking care of their families, raising their children, and feeling immense pleasure in

being a strong mental support. This is not to imply that your life should be exactly like

those Mothers’, it is to indicate that having a full-time job is not a yardstick of

independence. Nothing can stop you from feeling independent if YOU decide to be an

independentperson.


21. Focus on the things that you already have, which cannot be restricted by any

bounds or barriers - your creativity and potential. These are the two qualities that do

not require a proof or identification. You are born with them. You can enjoy your right

to utilize them to the fullest and to your advantage…only if youwant to.


22. Many of us are victims of predictability and familiarity. We derive our aims and

goals based on the sequence of events that take place in the lives of people around us -

marriage, job, a new house, kids…It’s challenging to keep pace with the expectations

that others have formed for us, especially in an unaccustomed and a drastically new

environment. The key is to perceive this challenge as a breath of fresh air and a

pleasant opportunity to find that one breakthrough in your life which will help you to

emerge as a winner. Set your goals and aims which are not influenced by external

factors, but are geared towardsmaking you happyand respecting your priorities.


23. The only way to break free from feeling powerless is by taking actions. If the

conventional methods of finding your feet in a new land are not showing the desired

results, be creative and try something new. Many a times, you have to walk on a path

that is uninvestigated, unexplored and has not been ‘tried and tested’. It might seem

daunting at the onset, but you will be filled with pride and faith in yourself when you

look backat the samepath that changedyour destiny.


24. Remember how victorious it felt when you conquered your fear about water and

dived into the deep end of the swimming pool? The triumphant moment when you

learnt how to effortlessly ride your bike when you were a kid? The first times are so

magical and empowering. They make you feel strong and teach you that anything is

possible if your mind is willing to make a change! If your dependent state of mind

makes you feel powerless, it is time to recreate that “first time” magic and treat your

current situation similar to the ones when you stepped into the swimming pool for the

first time or the very first time when you rode your bike without training wheels or

support. Take steps to conquer your mental blocks and discover the ability of your

mind to achievewhat seems to be impossible!


25. Opportunities are always on a lookout for minds that are receptive to change and

vicissitude. Have you allowed your mind to be exposed to the umpteen opportunities

that actually exist around you and are waiting to be grabbed? All you need is an open

mind that believes in the power of exploring. You tend to limit your vision when you

constantly seek opportunities in a commonplace environment. Occasionally you need

to glance towards unfamiliar directions to realize that perfect opportunities exist

everywhere and they are waiting to be discerned.


26. Allowing yourself to be a victim of your dependency status is an action that

depreciates your self-worth. If you take actions that elevate your morale, you will never

feel likea victim.


27. There’s a famous Chinese saying “A closed mind is like a closed book;

just a block of wood." A closed mind is full of preconceived notions and can prove as

the biggest obstacle in your endeavor to break free. Whereas, a flexible and adaptable

psyche which is open to venturing into new avenues can never think ‘dependent’, and

is the biggest catalyst in fulfilling your ambitions.


28. Losing your drive to bring success, excitement, contentment, and happiness in

your life is the only thing that you need to fear about. If you lack this drive to achieve a

holistic progress, you will feel dependent no matter what. Yes! Feeling dependent is a

state of mind that can exist regardless of your visa status or the fact that you have a

full-time job. The first step in not feeling dependent is to alter your state of mind and

provoke that drive which will offer all the strength to rise above your feeling

dependent syndrome.


29. Do you feel caught up in a “Life is going nowhere” situation? Imagine your life

prior to this situation as a path that was guided by a direction set by those around

you. Progressing on this path provided a certain sense of comfort and familiarity,

because the occasional bumps and pits did not seem very daunting as almost everyone

whom you knew had “been there and done that”. Now your path suddenly finds itself

in a new land, motivating you to find the right direction to proceed. Giving your life a

newdirection can be very exhilarating!


30. When life presents an opportunity to carve your own destiny against the odds, it is

the most magical experience that one can ever imagine. You have been granted a

second chance to make life transforming changes! All you need is a positive mindset

that is unshakable and enduringly believes that life is a journey to be enjoyed. Arriving

at the destination seems thousand times more victorious when your journey is

adventurous and stimulates you to exploremultiplepaths.


31. Write down a list of productive things that you can actually do on a dependent

visa. You will be surprised how long the list will turn out to be. Every time you feel

weakor depressed, look at that list and take action!


32. Mind is such a powerful being. It gives you the ability to create walls and

limitations, and at the same time gives you the strength to bring them down! When

your mind is tempted to succumb to pressure or submit to fear, unleash the strength

that it provides to fight back and overcome the obstacles on your road to feeling

independent.


33. Inertia, passivity, and inactivity are the best friends of a dependent state of mind

and the worst enemies of a mind that aspires to rise above the dependency syndrome.


34. “It’s like starting my life all over again. All my efforts till date to reach a certain

position in my life have gone waste!” Is this a recurring thought? If yes, then make an

effort to realize that no constructive action taken in your lifetime can go waste, be it

towards your education, profession, or any other aspect of your life. The key is to know

how to capitalize on your past investments to make your current life better. It’s

important to understand that productive efforts taken at any point in your life are like

valuable investments. They show up at your doorstep when you are allowing your life

to be controlled by limitations. It’s up to you whether you want to be to blind to them

and not acknowledge their existence, or capitalize on them and take them to another

level!


35. There are so many elements that make up your true identity. Your visa status is one

of the least significant aspects which define you. Your core strengths define who you

are really are. Your power lies in your core strengths and your competences. They have

the ability to transform anything, including your visa status. Understand that you

have to allow your assets to take charge of your life and not your current

nonimmigrant status.


36. Life is not a summation of incidents and experiences that occur; it is all about the

way you deal with them. Your current state of mind is a result of the way you are

reacting to the changes that are taking place in your life. The occurrences of events are

not in your control, but your reactions to themmost certainly are.


37. The striking difference between focusing your energies in finding a solution to

your problems, and simply focusing on your problems is that; the time invested in the

latter is worthless, and the time invested in the former is enriching and rewarding.


38. Wherever you go, whatever you do, keep your head up and act with confidence. Be

proud of your past achievements. Don’t lose hope if your educational or professional

accomplishments do not receive the recognition that you had expected. The important

thing is to believe in yourself, value what is yours, and build upon the high points in

your life.


39. Do not sympathize with your situation and do not encourage sympathy; it will

limit your “thinking outside the box” ability and hinder your spirit to explore new

things.


40. The taste of success is sweeter when you thought you couldn’t do it…but you still

did it! Always remember, the harder you fall when hit by dark circumstances, the

higher you can bouncebackwith your faithand strength.


41. Consider every small step towards your goal in achieving independence as a

victory. Celebrate that moment and feel proud about it, because every step inspires the

next step, and the next…bringingyou closer to where you actuallywant to be.


42. An undying hope and a strong desire to lead a life filled with happiness &

contentment are the most effective deterrents of the all the negative emotions

triggeredby a mind that is caught in the vortexof the dependency syndrome.


43. Any phase in your life which provokes a change should be perceived as a golden

opportunity to bring about that one breakthrough which will propel your life to a

higher level. Usually, the phases in your lives that require you take action and

instigate a change show up when the times are tough and when you need to fight

depression. Quite surprising as it may seem, these phases can be metamorphosed into

emotions that are utterly inspiring! So are you on your way to discover that one life

transforming breakthrough? If you are, you are on the right path regardless of your

visa status.


44. Here’s a powerful exercise which offers a strong hope to break free from feeling

dependent: Make a list of all your skills, it could be anything that you are good at.

Make another list of things that you really love to do. There should be no biases,

restrictions, and exceptions in your mind when you write down these lists. List 1

should include anything that you are good at. List 2 should include anything that you

feel passionate about doing in your life. Now put these two lists side by side and match

the skills that you possess with the things that interest you. You are bound to find a

terrific convergence of your skills with your interests. There should be absolutely no

looking back when you discover your finest “convergence point” that matches your

skill perfectly with your passion. This exercise may result into multiple convergence

points. The more the merrier! This exercise offers the first and the most crucial step in

relieving yourself from feelingpowerlessand believing that you can revive your life!


45. Your journey from feeling as a “victim” of the dependent visa to the “creator” of

your own destiny begins with realization that “You have a choice”. You have a choice to

control your state of being, your thoughts, and leverage them to get what you really

want.


46. If you immerse yourself in intense thoughts that make you feel that you have

“sacrificed” and “given up” a great life, remember that you are wasting precious

moments that can be used to transform your present life into a more satisfying one.

Isn’t it magnificent that you get to share your happiness with your partner, the person

whom you love, the person with whom you have decided to spend the rest of your life

with? Thinking negative, regretful thoughts will achieve nothing but will prevent this

magnificence from entering into your life.


47. Direct your mind to create a porous wall that soaks in all the good things around

you and bounces off all the bad things away from you. This is a powerful exercise to fill

your mind with positive thoughts. A positive state of mind is the cornerstone of freeing

yourself from depression. After all, your key to freedom lies in the power to control

your thoughts. So start building that golden wall in your mind which only absorbs

goodness andkeeps all negativity at bay.


48. If we can effortlessly accept the possibility of a beautiful rose to grow amidst

thorny bushes, why is it so difficult for us to expect the most glorious opportunities to

prevail in serious adversities?


49. It’s important to acknowledge the dramatic change that your partner is

experiencing along with you. Although your spouse has achieved a comfort zone in an

environment which is remarkably new to you, sharing life on daily basis with you is a

whole new adventure for your partner as well. The key to bring in joy to your life as a

teamis to enjoy the togethernesswhiledealingwith toughsituations.


50. Do not form your beliefs based on the antagonistic opinions and cynical thoughts

that others have typecasted about life on dependent visa. Steer away from any negative

notions expressed by others and take actions that make you happy. And most

importantly, have fun with the change that has occurred in your life, enjoy it, and feel

excitedabout it!


Acknowledgements

I would like to thank my two strong pillars of support: my Mother - Vidya and my

husband - Aditya who inspire me to love every single moment of my life through their

presence.


Date post:	21-Apr-2015
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