Please know you are not alone, call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 800-545-7437 HEALING TIMES My Dear Friends: A new grandmother recently told me, “After my grandson died so suddenly, we sat with our daughter and our son-in-law for many days and cried and cried for him. When we got home we cried again, but this time we realized our tears were for our daughter.” This is the unique grief of grandparents. They hurt not only for their lost grandchild but for their child, as well. No matter how old, a child is a child and their suffering pierces a parent’s heart. Filled with the desire to help their grieving child, grandparents sometimes do without support for their own suffering. They hesitate to call attention to their own pain, because they fear that it will take time away from their child’s. As a result, grandparents tell us, they experience not only a sad but also a silent mourning. In my time of loss, I remember how much comfort and support I received from my mother. But, I was so overwhelmed by grief that it took a little while for me to fully grasp and help her through the emotions that she was feeling. Fortunately, loving relatives attended to everyone. Support for grandparents comes from many places. Echoing a story we’ve heard many times, one grandparent told us, “Our minister found out and visited. He gave us such comfort, and that made us stronger for our son.” Others tell us that their relatives have open arms and embrace all who mourn, from a sibling to a grandparent. Everyone binds together to listen and to be heard, one family united by this tragedy but also by the desire to help each other. The SIDS Center of New Jersey cares deeply about each member of the family. For grandparents reading this note, we know how intense your pain has been. We want you to know that grandparents often attend our family and memorial services, and we welcome you! You are uniquely important to your families as you all walk this journey together. No one can replace your role. We urge you to reach out to us. We are here to help. Please know you are not alone. Call us 24 hours a day, seven days a week. 1-800-545-7437 Respectfully, Barbara M. Ostfeld, Ph.D. Program Director MONTHLY SUPPORT MESSAGE If you would like to receive our monthly support message, newsletter, or event information via email, please send your email address to Lisa.Capizzi@ hackensackmeridian.org. Please contact the SCNJ if you would like to volunteer your time, through events, peer to peer, or submitting an article for our newsletter. PEER CONTACT TRAINING Please consider volunteering to support other parents or family members. We need volunteers whose infant or toddler has died over a year ago. Grandparents are needed too! Training is done a variety of ways. You can choose phone, in person, or through the Internet using an app like Skype. If you are interested in volunteering to be a peer contact or would like more information please contact Lisa Capizzi, MSW, LCSW at 551-996-5226 or Lisa.Capizzi@ hackensackmeridian.org. [email protected]rwjms.rutgers.edu/sids Kids.HackensackUMC.org SIDS CENTER OF NJ SPRING/SUMMER 2017 ISSUE LETTER FROM THE DIRECTOR “Healing yourself is connected to healing others.” — YOKO ONO
Transcript
Please know you are not alone, call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 800-545-7437
HEALING TIMES
My Dear Friends:A new grandmother recently told me, “After my grandson died so suddenly, we sat with our daughter and our son-in-law for many days and cried and cried for him. When we got home we cried again, but this time we realized our tears were for our daughter.” This is the unique grief of grandparents. They hurt not only for their lost grandchild but for their child, as well. No matter how old, a child is a child and their suffering pierces a parent’s heart.
Filled with the desire to help their grieving child, grandparents sometimes do without support for their own suffering. They hesitate to call attention to their own pain, because they fear that it will take time away from their child’s. As a result, grandparents tell us, they experience not only a sad but also a silent mourning.
In my time of loss, I remember how much comfort and support I received from my mother. But, I was so overwhelmed by grief that it took a little while for me to fully grasp and help her through the emotions that she was feeling. Fortunately, loving relatives attended to everyone. Support for grandparents comes from many places. Echoing a story we’ve heard many times, one grandparent told us, “Our minister found out and visited. He gave us such comfort, and that made us stronger for our son.” Others tell us that their relatives have open arms and embrace all who mourn, from a sibling to a grandparent. Everyone binds together to listen and to be heard, one family united by this tragedy but also by the desire to help each other.
The SIDS Center of New Jersey cares deeply about each member of the family. For grandparents reading this note, we know how intense your pain has been. We want you to know that grandparents often attend our family and memorial services, and we welcome you! You are uniquely important to your families as you all walk this journey together. No one can replace your role. We urge you to reach out to us. We are here to help.
Please know you are not alone. Call us 24 hours a day, seven days a week. 1-800-545-7437
Respectfully, Barbara M. Ostfeld, Ph.D. Program Director
MONTHLY SUPPORT MESSAGE If you would like to receive our monthly support message, newsletter, or event information via email, please send your email address to [email protected]. Please contact the SCNJ if you would like to volunteer your time, through events, peer to peer, or submitting an article for our newsletter.
PEER CONTACT TRAINING Please consider volunteering to support other parents or family members. We need volunteers whose infant or toddler has died over a year ago. Grandparents are needed too! Training is done a variety of ways. You can choose phone, in person, or through the Internet using an app like Skype. If you are interested in volunteering to be a peer contact or would like more information please contact Lisa Capizzi, MSW, LCSW at 551-996-5226 or [email protected].
[email protected] rwjms.rutgers.edu/sids Kids.HackensackUMC.org SIDS CENTER OF NJ SPRING/SUMMER 2017 ISSUE
LETTER FROM THE DIRECTOR
“Healing yourself is connected to healing others.”
— YOKO ONO
Healing Times SIDS CENTER OF NJ SPRING/SUMMER 2017 ISSUE
Please know you are not alone, call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 800-545-7437.Please know you are not alone, call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 800-545-7437.
PARENT CORNER
You are always a parentA Letter to Moms of the Dearly DepartedNo one ever imagines receiving a call that changes their life forever or discovering that life has taken its course and one of the most precious gifts from God has moved on. When they depart, a piece of us depart as well. We wonder “why me” and “where did I go wrong?” The truth is that life events will occur beyond our control at some point or another. We do however, have the power to control the meaning that we associate with these events.
For me, losing my little King represented the end of one life and the beginning of a new one. It meant that this little blessing, though short lived, was placed here to serve a distinct purpose. Perhaps he was a celestial being, sent by God to deliver a message. For me, it means that I now have some of the fondest memories life has to offer, and for that reason, I am forever grateful.
I admit that the road to recovery is not easy and I still cry on occasions at the thought of my dearly departed King. It’s been two years and five months and I’m still finding the pieces of myself that were lost in the process. As I emotionally reconstruct, I trust that his love shelters me and his memories will motivate me to be whole once again.
Truly yours, Sam Mirror, King’s Mom
Volunteering for Strides for Babies walk
My name is Lisa Demarco Konik and I lost my son Frank Andrew 8 years ago to SIDS. My life was shattered and I never thought I would be happy or function again. What has helped me incredibly over this very long journey is volunteering for the Strides for Babies walk in October. It is an amazing way to not only remember your child and honor them but to give back to other families who are suffering. Although my life will never be the same, volunteering for this events heals me a little bit every year. Please join us in this wonderful event and volunteer to help us. You can do as little or as much as you want and can even just volunteer on race day.
Prayers for all our angels in heaven, Lisa Demarco Konik
GOING GREENIf you would like to receive this newsletter via email, please send your email address to [email protected]. In addition to receiving the newsletter, email notifications will be mailed announcing events and memorial celebrations or other SIDS Center activities.
SUMMERTIME SHARING EVENT
Monday, July 31, 2017 (rain date August 7)
Jenkinsons Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
STRIDES FOR BABIES NJ
5K RUN/WALKSunday, October 15, 2017
Great Lawn in Long Branch, NJ
This event is organized by SIDS/SUID parents.
All proceeds will benefit C.J. First Candle
WINTER WISHES,
THE WINTER MEMORIALSunday, December 3, 2017
Rutgers University, Busch Campus Piscataway, NJ
SAVE THE DATES
Healing Times SIDS CENTER OF NJ SPRING/SUMMER 2017 ISSUE
Please know you are not alone, call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 800-545-7437.Please know you are not alone, call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 800-545-7437.
WINTER WONDERLAND Pictured above are Rachel and Maxine Rumsby sharing hot cocoa with a face painter from the Winter Wonderland event that was held at Van Saun County Park, Paramus. This was a fantastic opportunity for our families to ice skate, have dinner, enjoy music, and ride the train and carousal. This event was at no cost to our families, due to the SIDS Center program being a part of the Joseph M. Sanzari Children’s Hospital. To get notifications for events like these, please email [email protected].
WINTER WISHES, THE WINTER MEMORIALOur Winter Wishes Memorial held at The State University, Rutgers, in December, was attended by over 100 people. It was a day of wishing, remembering, and sharing for our families. There was a sibling program, candle lighting, video memorial, quilt making, prayers and poems. Family members were able to stand up and speak about their loved one and share a memory. Each family was also able to say their infant or toddler’s name out loud during the candle lighting. Afterwards they enjoyed a delicious meal and connected with many families from around our state. Siblings that are a part of the SCNJ volunteered, as well at Rutgers University students. This year our memorial is December 3, 2017 to be held at Rutgers University, Busch Campus in Piscataway, NJ.
Preparing for Mother’s and Father’s Day After The Death of a Baby By Sherokee Ilse. storknet.com/cubbies/pil/mothersday-ilse
CJ First Candle 1-800-221-7437 www.firstcandle.org
Bereaved Parents of the USA 800-273-8255 www.bereavedparentsusa.orgInformation is also offered in Spanish.
Good Grief A program helping children and teens cope with loss. www.good-grief.org
National Grandparent Support Resource A grandparent support organization that helps grandparents through their grieving and gives information on how to help their children (the parents). Peer contacts are available, as well as support groups. www.grandbrigade.org
“What’s Your Grief” An online blog that supports the statement that “one way to face your grief is to understand it.” This web site offers pod casts, free articles, and daily interactions regarding grief. www.whatsyourgrief.com
Open to Hope Foundation A non-profit foundation with the mission of helping people find hope after loss. You can read, listen and share your stories of hope and compassion. www.opentohope.com/death-of-a-child
Grieving Dads Project This webpage is a place where grieving dads can connect to each other. It is run by a bereaved father. There are blogs, stories, and resources. www.grievingdads.com
GRIEF RESOURCES
STAFFING UPDATES
Anna Irizarry-Wood, MSW, LCSW
As I prepare to leave Hackensack University Medical Center and the SIDS Center of New Jersey on October 26, 2016, I would like to take this opportunity to share my experiences and say thank you.
In 2005, I was offered an opportunity to work with the SIDS Center of NJ and remembered feeling scared and questioned my abilities. Paula Goldblatt Pearson took me under her wing, eased my anxiety, and prepared me to begin this wonderful journey. Our talks during the long drives to home visits were enlightening and inspiring, and were what motivated me to drive from Warren/Sussex Counties to Cape May County to meet families.
Thank you for opening your doors and hearts, and allowing me to be part of your lives. The memory of your child, and the strength and resilience I witnessed during my eleven years at the SIDS Center will be with me forever. I will sum this up with Paula’s words from 2010, “I have also learned so much from our families in terms of grief, resilience, and the spark to move forward in spite of tragedy in an effort to always honor the child who has died.”
Many Blessings, Anna
Welcome Diana Vasquez, MSW, LSW
I started in this wonderful program in January of 2017. I am very excited to be part of the SIDS Center of New Jersey. I am particularly enthusiastic about the opportunity to serve families, not only in my community, but throughout the entire state. I have been a social worker for the past 7 years and I am eager to continue learning and expanding my abilities. I hope to be able to provide some comfort through the difficult experience of losing a child unexpectedly. Always remember that we are here for you!
Sincerely, Diana
Please know you are not alone, call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 800-545-7437.
Robert Wood Johnson Medical SchoolRutgers, The State University of New JerseyOne Robert Wood Johnson PlaceMEB #312, New Brunswick, NJ 08903(800) 545-7437
Hackensack Meridian Health Joseph M. Sanzari Children’s Hospital 30 Prospect Avenue, Hackensack, NJ 07601(551) 996-3219
Co-Medical DirectorThomas Hegyi, M.D.Robert Wood Johnson Medical School
Co-Medical DirectorHarold Perl, M.D Joseph M. Sanzari Children’s Hospital
Program DirectorBarbara M. Ostfeld, Ph.D.Robert Wood Johnson Medical School
Section Chief Alissa K. Sandler, MSW, LCSWJoseph M. Sanzari Children’s Hospital
Senior Social WorkerLisa Capizzi Marain, MSW, LCSW Joseph M. Sanzari Children’s Hospital
Social WorkerJacqueline T. Nemeth, MSW, LCSWJoseph M. Sanzari Children’s Hospital
Social WorkerDiana Vasquez, MSW, LSWJoseph M. Sanzari Children’s Hospital
Clinical Nurse SpecialistKrystyna Toczylowski RN, MSN, IBCLC Joseph M. Sanzari Children’s Hospital
Clergy Rev. Ann B. Shamy, M. DivRobert Wood Johnson University Hospital
Program AssistantNorma LewisRobert Wood Johnson Medical School
The SIDS Center of New Jersey is a program of Rutgers, Robert Wood Johnson
Medical School, New Brunswick, NJ and the Joseph M. Sanzari Children’s Hospital,
Hackensack University Medical Center, Hackensack, NJ. The program is funded in
part through a Health Services grant from the New Jersey Department of Health
to Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, and through a CJ Foundation for SIDS
grant to the Joseph M. Sanzari Children’s Hospital. 04/2017
Healing Times SIDS CENTER OF NJ SPRING/SUMMER 2017 ISSUE
