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C H A Y A S P R E C U T S

C H A Y A S P R E C U T S

RESTRICTIONS: FREE WIG BOX APPLIES TO ANY PRECUT PURCHASE WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. ALL OTHER SUKKAH OF SAVINGS ARE EXCLUDED FOR WIGS $1250 AND BELOW. TOTAL SAVINGS CANNOT EXCEED $1000. CANNOT BE COMBINED WITH ANY OTHER DISCOUNTS OR STORE CREDITS. 2 FREE SERVICES, ONLY GOOD TOWARDS WIG PURCHASED DURING TIME OF SALE. WIG MUST BE PAID IN FULL. ALL SALES ARE FINAL. OTHER RESTRICTIONS MAY APPLY. SEE STORE FOR DETAILS.*FOR SAMPLE PURPOSES ONLY. MAY NOT REFLECT ACTUAL SAVINGS

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Snooze. Snooze again…and again. Quick shower, dress, and woosh—out the door! Sound familiar? Unfortunately, it’s an all-too familiar scene nowadays. And what’s worse is that an

indispensable part of this scene is missing: breakfast!Now that the new school year has already begun, we need to work

on getting off on the right foot and changing our bad habits. Very few realize the positive effects that having a hearty breakfast has on the health of our bodies, as well as the quality of our days. Be it a youngster or an adult, everyone can benefit from this seemingly insignificant meal. Firstly, it improves concentration and results in improved memory. Secondly, it prevents binging or overeating later on in the day, which assists in weight maintenance in the long run. In addition, it boosts your immune system and prevents many physical ailments. Finally, children who eat breakfast have been shown to score better in mathematics and have lower incidences of hyperactivity in the classroom.

Unfortunately, people today will find all sorts of excuses as to why they avoid having breakfast. Either it’s because there’s not enough time in the morning, or one doesn’t have an appetite so soon after waking, or worse, that it seems like any easy way to lose weight since the hunger doesn’t kick in full force until later in the day. Each of these excuses needs to be tackled and then you will realize that having breakfast every day isn’t as hard as it turns out to be.

Just setting the alarm clock 15 minutes earlier can do wonders in allowing you to whip up a nutritious breakfast that will keep you going for the first few hours of the day. In addition, you will notice that as you train your body to eat every morning, you will start waking up with more of an appetite. It’s as if the body knows not to expect any nutrition after weeks/months/years of skipping breakfast. And as for the misconception that deferring breakfast aides in weight loss, it can actually result in quite the opposite. Leaving the body with hours of no nutrition puts it into a physiologic “starvation mode” and slows down the metabolism in an effort to store calories and eventually fat. By the time lunchtime comes around, you are so ravenous that binge eating ensues, usually of foods with a high sugar content that provide the body with a temporary energy high that once dissolved, leaves the body feeling lethargic and searching for the next sugar fix. That, coupled with a now sluggish metabolism, equals more weight gain. The key to feeling good is maintaining consistent sugar levels by eating a balanced breakfast consisting of protein, fiber, and limited carbohydrates.

So make it your New Year’s Resolution to put aside extra time for breakfast for yourself and your loved ones. You will begin to notice the benefits as your days are more energy-filled and productive, your weight is maintained, and you feel stronger and healthier in the long run. [IF]

Michelle Jacobs RPA-C is a Senior Physician Assistant at the Weiler Hospital of the Albert Einstein School of Medicine in the Department of Medicine.

[Healthy Eating Habits]By: Michelle Jacobs RPA-C

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September always feels like a time of renewal, and for good reason. It’s a new school year, a new season, and

it’s the month Rosh Hashana usually falls out in, signifying renewal and change. Amongst all the other things you’ll be renewing this month, consider renewing the way your home is set up for diet success. Have you ever heard this expression before:

“Diet proofing your home”? Chances are, you have not. Now before you get nervous and think you must have missed a major point in Housewife 101, read on. Don’t worry, chances are, you are a great mother, housewife, balabusta, and superwoman. I am sure that all your matters are in perfect order. The household and its members are clean, fed, and on schedule. The fridge and freezer are stocked, and you’re ready for any communal, natural, or child-created disaster.

Ok, so what is diet proofing then and how come you have never heard of it? Well, let’s think about the “proofing” you are familiar with. Take mouse proofing for instance. The exterminator comes in, seals all holes, tells you not to leave food around, and maybe even recommends you get a cat. Congratulations, you have officially mouse proofed your home. On to fireproofing.

[Diet Proofing Your Home]By: Tanya Rosen

You install the best smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, implement a fire escape plan, light candles as far away from shades as possible, and teach little kids about the dangers of fire. You also make sure to have fire extinguishers, sprinklers, and ladders handy. Can mice or fire still come after you have taken these crucial steps? Of course. However, you can sit back and know that you have done your part and put in the effort required of you.

So now, back to “diet proofing.” Being that home is where you (hopefully) spend a large chunk of your time, what steps have you taken to ensure you will be successful in your weight loss journey? Put simply, no matter how much willpower you have, if your house is not well equipped for your diet and fitness plan, it simply won’t work.Throughout my experience as a nutri-

tionist, Aerobics Instructor, and Personal Trainer, I have seen many otherwise strong, determined, and full-of-willpower women struggle unnecessarily because they failed to take simple diet proofing steps in the home.

I will share with you some ways to start the diet proofing process. Remember that this is a new concept to you. As with anything else, proceed with caution and do

not attempt to do it all at once. Aiming to implement one strategy weekly or biweekly is a smart move.

Kitchen colors. Research has shown that eating in a room with warm colors such as reds and oranges increases your appetite. It is no surprise that many restaurants choose this color scheme. However, if you can help it, avoid these colors in your dining room and kitchen.

Plate colors. The color of your plate also affects how much you eat. Research has shown that eating from white plates increases your appetite and makes you feel as though you are not satisfied. Hence, the color scheme of many restaurant plates.

Music. Loud background music disables/limits your brain’s ability to send a message to you that you are full. Therefore, try eating with the radio or television off. The brain can only process so many senses at once so if your auditory sense is being used to its full capacity, you are not able to process being full.

Plate size. Try eating from appetizer-size plates as opposed to dinner-size plates. Sometimes we just need to visually see our plate as full. Doing that with a smaller plate can help cut the calories and fat.

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Stock up. Be fully stocked with fruits, vegetables, and bottled or filtered water. If you know your schedule is busy, spend a little extra money and buy pre-cut fruits and vegetables. These need to be ready and available.

Whole grain versus white. Yes, it does matter. Whole grain provides fiber, a necessary nutrient, and an important component for weight loss. Whenever possible, choose brown rice over white and whole wheat pasta over white.

Track it. Keep a log of every single thing you eat. Jot down your feelings and thoughts as well. This can be helpful when you are about to engage in non hunger-related eating, such as emotional eating.

Make yourself a chart. It works wonders with kids, and even better with adults. For every week or month that you are “good,” reward yourself with a non food item, such as an outfit, a manicure, or a new book.

Treat yourself. Different from the point mentioned above, here I am referring to a food item (gasp!). I tell my clients that on days that they were absolutely perfect on their diets, they can have one treat up to a

certain amount of calories (depending on their weight and age). This is important. By planning to “cheat,” you are eliminating a feeling of deprivation. This planned treat puts YOU in control.

Plan ahead. Take a minute and plan out your entire menu for the next day. Think about where you will be and prepare accordingly. Will you have a long drive? Pack some healthy snacks along. Will you be stuck in the office past dinner? Pack a healthy dinner with you. This eliminates spontaneous eating due to excessive hunger.

Spice up your food life. In other words, make it exciting without making it fattening. Is that possible? Absolutely! Add healthy variety to your healthy foods. For example, pour some blueberries into your morning cereal, or try an interesting new spice on your baked chicken.

Make it a family event. Involve your family members in your goals and plans. Let them know what you are trying to do and ask them for help. This could mean gentle reminders when they see you eating something you shouldn’t be. It could also mean extra help in the kitchen chopping up vegetables for that healthy salad. You

can even make it a family team effort and go walking or dance around the house together.

Good luck to you on your diet proofing journey. Remember, these are just some tips to help you get started. Before planning to lose a large amount of weight, always consult with a physician or certified nutritionist. No proofing is ever foolproof. If you mess up on your diet and have a “bad day,” don’t give up and chuck the whole plan. Just try to do better the next day and the next, and enjoy reaping the benefits of diet success! [IF]

Tanya Rosen is the owner of Shape Fitness, a women’s fitness studio chain in Kensington and Flatbush. As a certified and experienced Personal Trainer, Aerobics Instructor, and nutritionist, Tanya offers these three services to the community. Tanya specializes in pre- and postnatal fitness, and is best known for her personal and caring approach towards every member of the Shape Fitness family. Tanya can be reached at 718-438-2400 in Kensington or 718-338-8700 in Flatbush.

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By now almost everyone involved in education has heard of the “Arrow-smith Program.” Groundbreaking

in its approach towards Learning Disabili-ties, it works to eliminate children’s weak-nesses instead of teaching them compensa-tory strategies. Arrowsmith, which actually encompasses nineteen different targeted programs, gives each child a customized schedule that addresses his or her specific weaknesses. This intensive approach has educators all over thrilled.

Utilizing the program, educators through-out the country are excited to give all chil-dren the once unheard of chance to excel in school at the same level as their peers by raising the intellectual capacity of children with Learning Disabilities, instead of just making the work easier for them.

Mr. Friedman (all names changed for pri-vacy) says the results make it all worthwhile.

“I didn’t want to send my child to Arrow-smith because I thought it would make my son feel stigmatized. He’s in high school already and he said he would be too em-barrassed. But I felt it was our last chance, so I convinced him to try it. After going through the program he’s finally reading near his age level. And his handwriting is so much better. I’m glad I did it.”

In order to fully appreciate how this pro-gram can help, one must first understand some of the frustrations that many chil-dren that have been labeled learning dis-abled face. Take the story of Adina, who at a young age was labeled with “auditory processing disorder.”As a toddler Adina seemed mildly “spacey,”

but her pediatrician assured her parents that

A Revolution in Education

she would “grow out of it.” Though there wasn’t much worry about her speech being a bit delayed, she repeated kindergarten to buy some time and catch up. This did little to improve her development. As time went on she was given various therapies, though her progress was minimal. Her speech im-proved, but she still didn’t “get” conversa-tions as quickly as her friends did. Because she was unable to take a message properly, she was asked not to answer the phone in her own home.

Over time it became disruptive enough to her that after some “playful teasing” from some insensitive friends of hers, she an-nounced that she decided not to talk any-more so that she would not be made fun of when she asked, “What?” three times in a row.

Consequently what was once a little sweet girl was now an angry and discouraged child.

With the help of remedial reading special-ists, visualization programs, vision therapy, and specialized tutors, Adina eventually learned to read but with little understand-ing. Because of her poor memory, she would forget the first paragraph of a story by the time she was reading the second. She was disorganized and forgetful and by the end of the third grade, she couldn’t tell time and had trouble with basic math. A diagnosis of Attention Deficit Disor-

der led to medication, protein shakes, and omega 3 vitamins, but nothing helped and her behavior became increasingly difficult in and out of school.

Increased medication made her frustra-

tion easier to handle; however, as with many people, the side effect of her taking ongoing medication was a flattened person-ality—not exactly something to help you get ahead in the third grade when you are already starting off from behind.

Finally, in January of 2006, Adina’s par-ents learned about the revolutionizing Ar-rowsmith Program. Described as “cutting edge,” with the latest science dealing with strengthening the brain and eliminating learning disabilities, at first they figured it seemed too good to be true. The program included evidence that chil-

dren’s scores on cognitive measures shot up during the program. Independent stud-ies confirmed these results. Math, reading comprehension, and speed scores on stan-dardized tests also increased significantly after just ten months in the program.

Upon further research into the program, they quickly discovered how this program was different from anything else they had tried in all the years dealing with Adina’s disabilities: no one up to that point had actually worked on strengthening Adina’s memory. Rather, they had simply down-graded the materials to help her cope. Mr. Y. Liebman affirms, “My daughter is finally able to memorize Chumash teitch. She’s do-ing an exercise in Arrowsmith that works on improving her short term auditory memory.”

Knowledge of the causes of learning dys-functions has been rapidly changing over the past century. Groundbreaking work by neuro-psychologists demonstrated that the brain can be modified and con-cluded that learning disabilities are not an

[The Arrowsmith Program]By: Rivi Edelman

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unchanging fact of life. Barbara Arrowsmith Young has identified nineteen specific learn-ing dysfunctions and designed ingenious exercises to fire up parts of the brain that are underperforming and considered weak. These computer and auditory exercises

work the brain as if it’s a muscle; it is lik-ened to mental Olympic training. When the weak areas of the brain are strength-ened, the learning disability is reduced or removed.

Results have shown that reading speed scores had .9 to 3.8 years of improvement, math scores had .8 to 3.3 years of improve-ment, and reading comprehension scores had 1.5 to 5.2 years of improvement. In fact, the attention the Arrowsmith Program gives to reading comprehension is one point that distinguishes it from other programs. The improvement that students make in this area carries over to limudei kodesh sub-jects, as well. Mrs. R. Schwartz says, “I am so happy with my son’s progress. For the first time in 16 years, he is able to partici-pate fully in intellectual conversations and comprehend a difficult gemarah. This is due to an exercise in Arrowsmith that helps with conceptual learning. He still needs

Arrowsmith for handwriting next year, but he is now average in comprehension.” Armed with this knowledge and after ex-

hausting so many other avenues, Adina’s parents enrolled her in the Arrowsmith Program. After four months in the program, Adina began to show concrete changes. She became wittier and better able to defend herself. She began understanding punch lines and sarcasm and didn’t require repeti-tions. She became a reader. She functioned as never before, counting change from a purchase and writing down telephone mes-sages. She showed increased self-reliance. Ariel, an 11-year-old boy, exhibited the

same attitude: “At the beginning of the year, I couldn’t understand my teachers. It was like they talked too fast and I was al-ways confused, so I just spaced out. But now I understand them. I don’t hate school so much anymore.”

Even teachers who have children in their class who utilize the Arrowsmith Program can see a clear difference. Rabbi J. says that of the two children in his third grade class that used the program, he didn’t expect much change. However, he was pleasantly surprised that by end of the school year,

not only was the children’s comprehension better, but they were also well adjusted and ceased to act out in class.The program can be implemented in any

school. Yeshiva Tiferes Yisroel of Flat-bush, Bais Yaakov of Boro Park, Yeshiva Degel Hatorah of Monsey, and JEC of New Jersey are some more examples of the forward thinking schools that have jumped at the opportunity to implement the program. In the program, children are typically taken out of class for cognitive ex-ercises until they are brought up to average functioning.

Even with such amazing results, Arrow-smith isn’t for everyone. If a child has emo-tional problems, is on the autism spectrum, or is at all behavioral, he won’t be able to do the exercises. But if your child doesn’t fall into one of those categories, it’s a program definitely worth looking into. Visit Ar-rowsmithSchool.org to learn more and see if the Arrowsmith Program can help the child in your life. [IF]

Rivi Edelman is an advocate of the Arrowsmith Program. She can be reached at Rivi18@aol.com.

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The equity that small business owners build in their companies represents a valuable personal asset. But in a privately-held company, how can equity be converted to liquid cash when

the owner exits the business? Creating an exit plan (or “succession plan”) is an integral part of strategic business planning. This article will help business owners understand: 1) why a succession plan is important; 2) how to begin the process; and 3) how to put the plan into action.

The Tax Impact at an Owner’s ExitSuccession planning aims to achieve an optimum outcome for the business (e.g., passing ownership to an heir or selling the company) while also converting business equity into liquid cash when it is needed. This goal is important for two reasons:

At retirement, business owners usually want to enjoy their 1. leisure time or pursue other opportunities. After giving up control, they don’t want to worry about the health of a company they have left behind.

An owner’s heirs may lack the expertise or interest to 2. manage the business. At the owner’s death, they would like to receive cash to increase their own personal financial security, and perhaps also to meet income and estate tax obligations.

The value of a business passed to heirs is included in the owner’s

estate at death and could be subject to federal estate taxes if not left to the surviving spouse. These taxes must be paid in cash, and the filing deadline for federal estate taxes is nine months after the date of death, unless an extension is requested. So, even if heirs do not need or expect a business to produce immediate cash after an owner’s death, federal and state governments require cash to settle taxes. In the worst cases, valuable businesses have been put on the market at “fire sale” prices just to meet estate tax pressures.

Aside from taxes, heirs may need cash for other needs including business debts and obligations, probate and attorneys’ fees, the cost of business appraisals, audits, and the cost of closing down the business and paying severance to employees. Almost every business needs a pool of liquid cash to work through a period of transition in ownership. Providing this cash is one of the most important steps in the succession planning process.

Three Key Questions One starting point for business succession planning is to ask and answer the following three questions:

What is the business worth now on a “fair market 1. value” basis? Fair market value is the amount that a willing buyer would pay a willing seller in an arm’s-length negotiated transaction. A business appraisal conducted by a qualified professional can help to answer this question.

[A Blueprint for Business Succession Planning]By: Martin Meisels

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What will the business be worth when the owner 2. exits? Any future growth in revenues or profits should increase business value. Owners also can increase value by making provisions to groom one or more successors.

How will heirs obtain a fair value for the business when 3. the owner exits? A solution called a buy-sell agreement pre-determines the terms of a sale (including transaction price) and also provides the cash necessary to complete the sale and pay expenses and taxes.

Terms of a Buy-Sell AgreementA buy-sell may be formed between co-owners or partners, who each agree to buy out the other’s interest. Alternatively, it may involve the current owner and a designated successor owner, perhaps a family member or top manager.

Most buy-sell participants lack the resources to pay “cash on the barrel” to buy a valuable business. Without planning, they may be capable of completing the transaction only by: 1) borrowing heavily; or 2) paying in installments over time. Since most business owners and their heirs prefer to receive cash at the closing, it is necessary to define the source of the cash well in advance. Often, the primary source is permanent life insurance.

Valuing the BusinessAfter a successor is determined, the next step is to determine the buy-out value. While small business owners have some flexibility in setting the price of a buy-out transaction, the IRS and courts may insist on a valuation that represents fair market reality, as determined by an accepted method. The methods include:

Comparable recent transactions• – Business value is based on the terms of sales or mergers involving companies of comparable size in the same industry or market area.

Multiple of revenue or book value• – Business value may be pegged to a multiple of gross revenues in the year or two just before the owner exits. For example, many service-oriented businesses sell for about one to two times annual gross revenues. Or, the value may be pegged to an audited balance sheet as a multiple of “book value.”

Discounted cash flow• —The value is based on total cash flow that the business is projected to generate for a period of years (typically three to five) after the owner’s exit, discounted by a cost of capital.

Hire an Attorney to Draft a Legal AgreementThe next step is to formalize the buy/sell arrangement through a written agreement with the help of an attorney experienced in succession planning. Ideally, this attorney also has some proficiency in estate tax planning and business valuation. An important section of the agreement defines the “trigger events” that will require ownership to change hands. Common trigger events include an owner’s death, disability, retirement, divorce, or separation from employment. When a buyout is triggered by an event other than death, the legal agreement also may include provisions that prevent the departing owner from competing against the company or disclosing its trade secrets.

Provide Funding to Ensure that the Agreement is Carried OutPermanent life insurance typically is used to fund buy/sell arrangements because coverage can continue, and premiums remain affordable, at any age. Funding buy/sell arrangements with permanent life insurance also has other benefits:

Quick and convenient cash for heirs• – Life insurance solves the problem of turning an illiquid asset (the business) into liquid cash for heirs or estate settlement.

Tax advantages • – Life insurance pays a death benefit that is free of federal income taxes. In buy/sell arrangements, the benefit is usually paid to the party who has the obligation to buy the shares: the surviving shareholders, outside buyer, or the death benefit does not create estate tax consequence for the estate of the deceased.

Affordable, level premiums• – Permanent life insurance can be purchased at affordable level premiums, especially when the insured person is fairly young and in good health.

Cash value• —The cash value of a permanent policy can provide buyout funds if an owner exits at a trigger event such as a divorce or normal retirement. Most agreements include provisions for terminating the buy/sell by mutual consent or if specified events occur. In this case, the policy’s owner can recoup part of the premium cost from cash value.

Planning for a Long-Term DisabilityIn addition to an owner’s death, another trigger event that can be pre-funded with insurance is an owner’s long-term disability. In this case, disability income insurance can be purchased to fund an obligation written into the buy-sell agreement. This insurance pays to the beneficiary a stated amount of lump-sum or periodic income (after a waiting period) that can be used to fund part or all of a buyout.

In summary, business owners rarely stop working long enough to ask why they are working so hard. But there will come a day when this question will become paramount. Ultimately, a small business may not maximize long-term success for the owner and heirs unless the owner plans ahead to reap the rewards. [IF]

Martin Meisels is a Registered Representative and Financial Advisor of Park Avenue Securities LLC (PAS), 355 Lexington Avenue, 9th Floor, New York, NY 10017, (212) 541-8800. Securities products/services and advisory services are offered through PAS, a registered broker/dealer and investment advisor. PAS is an indirect, wholly owned subsidiary of Guardian. Wealth Advisory Group is not an affiliate or subsidiary of PAS or Guardian. PAS is a member FINRA, SIPC.

Martin Meisels254 South Main Street, Suite 310New City, NY 10956tel – 845.634.7300 ext. 317e-mail: martin_meisels@parkavenuesecurities.com

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[What’s in For Fall?]By: Leah Helfgott

As the warm days of summer come to a close, we welcome in a fresh new season of

fashion. We’ll see a season that is both elegant and practical; subdued yet playful.

For fall, designers have brought back colors in the “cool” family: grays, blacks and shades of white. These colors will bring a sense of elegance to fall, even while keeping a wardrobe on a budget. Also in will be navy blue, deep purple, and soft pinks.

Fabrics won’t come in wild patterns, but rather in graceful drapes that add character and flair. In this playful twist, we’ll see lots of large cowl necks, gathered pockets, and sleeves with ruffles. Some designers are even draping large swaths of fabric like the Statue of Liberty, or gathered sashes worn wrapped or tied.

But the details will bring the real glitter for fall. We’ll see extra-large buttons, contrasted beading, and plenty of metallic accents. Basic pieces will be dressed up with large bows (as seen on Michelle Obama), shiny drawstrings, and gold zippers.

And the best news is that textures will be stretchy, smooth, and furry, offering a soft and cozy lead-in to winter.

Fall will bring comfort, practicality, flattering looks, and dressy details. It’s all about staying grounded, wrapping ourselves in beauty, and walking out with a sparkle. [IF]

Leah Helfgott is the Designer and Social Media Specialist at Tabeez Clothing, a modest fashion retailer with locations in Brooklyn and Lakewood, and online at Tabeez.com.She can be reached at (732) 987-9878 or Leah@Tabeez.com.

Would you describe yourself as a fashionista? Fall is here and it’s a new, exciting season. Even

though we all live for the summer months, with their relaxed, beach days and outdoor lunches, as we leisurely run errands in our sandals, somehow we all crave the excitement of fall clothing. August comes and the fashion magazines are full of what’s in store.Are you out flip flopping to scour out the

stores before they sell out of the newest items? Are you on the phone speaking to your friends about what they bought, what they plan to buy, and who else has an eye on it? Are you able to quote which magazine showed the same label item that you’re craving and exactly what page you saw it on? If you are excitingly nodding your head in agreement, well I’m sorry, doll, but You. Are. Most. Definitely. Not. A. Fashionista.

To some, fashionistas are viewed to be shallow and materialistic, putting outward appearances before anything else. Their friends are all of the same caliber. While they all look amazing, there seems to be substance lacking in their personalities, conversation, and level of friendship. They look at labels before quality, and if the item is from a legitimately recognized department store, it’s kosher enough to buy! Most. Definitely. Not. A. Fashionista.

A true fashionista exhibits fashionality. This means that what she’s wearing usually reflects her personality. A bright vivid wardrobe would reveal a bubbly personality. A streamlined tailored look might mean the person is more conservative. Add a bright colored pair of glasses and now this person doesn’t take herself so seriously.

Can you be a fashionista on a budget? Absolutely! Some of the best fashionistas emerge from love of fashion, lack of cash. Necessity is the mother of invention, or is it creation? A fashionista has a certain aura about her.

She can whip out that jacket she has had in her closet for seven years and layer it over a flowy dress she just bought in a vintage store, add her brother’s scarf, walk out the door, and be inundated with compliments. A fashionista takes risks and yet hardly ever commits a fashion faux pas. She is fashion conscious and fashion familiar, but doesn’t let every season’s fleeting trend rule her life. She has other things on her mind. She is involved in worthy causes; she is a good person. The attention she receives when she is walking down the street stems from her inner beauty and confidence she has in herself, and not from peer pressure to look a certain way.

Can there be more than one fashionista in a family? For sure. I come from a family of five girls and I would definitely call us all fashionsistas! Can a man be a fashionista? Most definitely! He’s actually called a fashionmista! More on that in my next article! It promises to be fashionating! [IF]

Riki Wagh is the owner and lead designer at the women’s clothing store CHICK, which carries casual to dressy moderately priced clothing, outerwear, and accessories and is located at 2400 Ave L (side entrance). She can be reached at 347.229.7726.

[Are You a Fashionista?]By: Riki Wagh

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Wearing a wedding gown is something most girls dream about since they are very young. Many have envisioned what they

want to look like on their special day. After all, lots of eyes and plenty of attention will be on the bride and her gown.

When shopping for a bridal gown, it is very important to know what types of silhouettes will look best. Brides must understand that a magazine image of a gown, and the way it drapes in real life, will be completely different. It is best to seek the assistance of a knowledgeable bridal gown specialist who will take the time in selecting certain styles that will flatter the bride.

Brides come in different shapes and sizes. Bridal Salons should understand what design elements are important to the bride as well as styles that are most flattering to her. Also, altering the gown is just as important as finding the perfect style. For example, at Couture De Bride by Tova Marc, we use several signature techniques during the alterations process to ensure optimal fit, comfort, and look. Once the bride finds her dream gown from our collection, our professional dressmakers step in and custom alter the proportions of the gown to fit the bride perfectly.

To help Brides in their search for the perfect gown, Couture De Bride by Tova Marc came up with some guidelines brides can follow:Empire Waist Bridal Gown: Perfect if you’re small on top and fuller on the bottom. This style gown is fitted right under the bust and then falls loose in a straight silhouette. It deemphasizes the lower body.Mermaid Bridal Gown: Great if you’re super slim throughout. This style is fitted from the top all the way to the knees where it flairs out to the floor. It can be very flattering on a slim person; however, it can also be very unflattering on a person with wide hips. Can be restricting during dancing.

A-Line Bridal Gown: Looks great on most figures. This type of gown is fitted on the bodice and flairs out close to the natural waistline. Camouflages full hips and/or a

large midsection. A-line styles can range from light fullness to extreme fullness,

which brings us to the next style.Ball Gown Bridal Gown: Also looks great on most figures. This style is fitted on the bodice and the skirt flairs up and out to the floor with lots of crinoline underneath.

This style will hide just about any imperfection.

Drop Waist Bridal Gown: A style that is fitted throughout the bodice

and hip, and then flairs out. Drop waist styles can vary greatly in where the flair

starts, which can be right above the hip, to several inches below the hip. This style

is usually flattering if you are very small on top and slim throughout the waist and hip. It will hide fuller bottoms. Fit & Flair Bridal Gown: In between a Mermaid and an A-Line. This style is fitted throughout the top and falls straight from the hip down to the knee where it flairs out to the floor. Good if you’re slim throughout.Sheath Style Bridal Gown: This style is fitted throughout from the top all the way to the floor. It has a pretty straight style that can flatter a small frame. Also great for Petite frames, as it gives the illusion of height.

Although these suggestions will be helpful as a starting point,

there are many ways to enhance certain silhouettes to flatter various body types. It would be wise to seek a knowledgeable Bridal Salon that specializes in silhouettes and

alterations so that the bride will look her beston her special day. [IF]

Tova Marc is the owner an lead designer of Couture De Bride by Tova Marc, which carries a large selection of Fashion-Forward Modest Bridal & Evening Gowns. She can be contacted at201-357-4877, by email at contact@couturedebride.com, or on the web at TovaMarc.com.

[The Proper Bridal Gown]By: Tova Marc

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[Do We Give More? ]By: Moshe Kinderlehrer

I was recently asked by a friend what I consider to be the mother-of-all-cocktail party (or long Shabbos lunch)

discussion questions: Do Jews give more? Do we give more charity relatively speaking than our neighbors of all faiths?

Well, do we? I struggled in my response and had no quick quip for my interrogator. He had approached me thinking I would have a strongly held belief on this question and perhaps some firsthand knowledge. While his assumptions may be true, I didn’t have a quick answer for him.

So how did I respond? After a rabbinic pause, I validated and said: “It’s a good question, but for the Jewish people’s sake, I hope we do give more.”

To be sure, I wanted to say “Yes!” unequivocally. As a proud Jew, I have always celebrated and noted the seemingly disproportionate contributions that our people have made to society in so many areas ranging from winning Nobel Prizes to Hollywood success to the relatively high percentage of Jews on the Forbes 400 list. I want desperately to believe that our philanthropic achievements parallel our outsized academic, entertainment, and financial success stories.

So We Do Give More! Let’s study this a bit further. The good news is that Jews do seem to give more. After the exchange above, I set out to find some information. I was vaguely aware that attempts have been made to look at this issue in the past. The late Gary Tobin’s 2004 study entitled Mega-Gifts in Jewish

Philanthropy (2001–2003) published by the Institute for Jewish and Community Research found that Jews accounted for over 12 percent of all gifts over $1 million. That was good to see. As I thought, Jews have tended to give bigger, relative to their share of the population (which is not close to 12 percent).

That study became famous when it came out because its most important finding was that major Jewish donors were not directing their biggest gifts to Jewish institutions and set off a frenzy of hand-wringing, blame-gaming, and fact finding among Jewish organizations who were painted as being unable to attract truly major gifts from their best sources—high-net worth Jewish individuals and families. This is a discussion that remains current today (and will be the subject for another column in the future).

No Lock on Giving TzedakahOkay, so our biggest donors make bigger gifts, and more of them. However, we certainly don’t have a lock on philanthropy. More and more today, I am becoming familiar and aware of communities throughout the world that religiously donate or tithe significant amounts of their monthly incomes to a wide variety of causes. It is also clear to me that certain communities of evangelical Christians, Mormons, etc. may well give more of their average disposable income to charity than similar Jewish communities.

Who Needs Studies?!I know many of my observant readers might be shaking their heads and saying, “Moshe, why do you need any studies? Just look around at our own communities here and in Israel and you’ll find proof positive that our community contributes of their time and money at a very high level. We are a community that just keeps giving—even in the face of the current worldwide recession.” They will cite example after example of heroic donors and board members who are almost single-handedly funding local and Israeli organizations providing a vast array of services. (The question of whether we have too many organizations is also a subject for another time.)

I agree with them. And that’s also why answering the question of whether Jews give more is so difficult, because much evidence indicates that religion itself is not the major determinant of whether givers give more than the rest of population. Rather,

it all seems to come down to religious attachment. Essentially, how “frum” you are (to use the term “frum” very loosely) is a major factor in how much you give away—whether you are Jewish, Catholic, Mormon, etc.

Although it barely touched upon the issue of Jewish giving, a book I read a few years ago introduced me to this idea and it has stayed with me these past few years. Written by Syracuse University professor Arthur C. Brooks, Who Really Cares: The Surprising Truth About Compassionate Conservatism (Basic Books, 2006) outlines a divide within America he calls Giving America and Non-Giving America. He tries to identify what differences exist between the nearly 100 million American households that contribute money to charity and the 30+ million that do not.

It’s All About ValuesWhat Brooks found was that “the divide is not based on income levels. The charity gap is driven not by economics, but by values.” He also asserts that:

“People of faith give more than 50 percent more money each year to non-church social welfare organizations than secularists do. This includes giving to secular charities, and to volunteering time.”

He also explains that there are other factors at work, such as the fact that having children and raising a family is also correlated with giving charity. One’s political affiliation also seems to be a factor. Brooks goes even further and explains that people who don’t give money to charity are truly “distinct” from those who do:

“People who fail to donate money to charities are only a third as likely as donors to give money to friends and strangers. Non-donors are half as likely as donors to give blood. They even are less honest: Non-donors are much less likely than donors to return change mistakenly given to them by a cashier. When it comes to charity, we are two nations.”

He also notes that religious people do not just give four times more dollars per year on average and volunteer more than twice as frequently as secularists simply because they are giving to religious causes only:

“Religious people are more charitable with all sorts of nonreligious causes as well. They are 10 percentage points likelier than secularists to give money to explicitly nonreligious charities like the United Way,

(continued on page 50)

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in my heart that all Jews—even the most secular and unaffiliated—are in fact giving to charity at levels greater than their peers in the general population. (Study anyone?) This is based on my experiences out there in the field interacting and soliciting a wide array of Jews for a variety of different causes.

Returning to the question at hand—Do Jews Give More?—I just don’t have strong enough empirical evidence to prove this for certain. What I do have is a deep-seated belief that we are different, and despite thefact that most Jews today are more or lessfully assimilated, we are giving more on van individual and aggregate level far morethan Brooks would expect.

We Are Nuts! Allow me to close with one of my favorite fundraising Torah ideas. In Shir Hashirim, the Posuk says: “I descended to the grove of nuts to see the fruits of the valley...” (Song of Songs 6:11). The Midrash (Shir HaShirim Rabbah 6:1) asks: “Why are the Jews compared to a nut grove?”

The answer is that just as there are several types of nuts: a) soft-shelled nuts, b)

medium-shelled nuts, and c) hard-shelled nuts, so too, there are several types of Jews. There are those who are charitable of themselves and constantly give. There are those who will donate to charity when approached, but not before. And, there are those who, like the hard-shelled nuts, will just not give.

It is my hope and belief that we are growing more of the soft-shelled and medium-shelled kinds of Jews today than the rigid ones. I believe we are doing so. [IF]

Moshe Kinderlehrer is currently the Director of Development of American Friends of Table to Table Israel, Israel’s Food Rescue Network. Prior to that, he was a nonprofit and fundraising consultant with over a decade of experience working for and with a wide variety of nonprofits. He is also an ordained Orthodox rabbi (Yeshiva University/RIETS) and holds an MA in Politics from NYU, and may one day get a Ph.D in Political Economy. He resides in Bergen County, NJ, with his wife and four children. If you have any questions or comments you can reach Moshe at mkinderlehrer@yahoo.com

and 25 points more likely to volunteer for secular groups such as the PTA. Churchgoers were far likelier in 2001 to give to 9/11-related causes. On average, people of faith give more than 50 percent more money each year to non-church social welfare organizations than secularists do.”

So being religious is a strong indicator for giving charity. I certainly believe this applies to Jews, as well. As a committed and “religious” Jew and fundraiser, I think I understand intuitively what Brooks researched. You have to be committed Jewishly (I recognize and appreciate that there are different flavors here) to be a giver to Jewish causes. The odds are that the more Jewishly committed you are, the more likely you will be giving more to Jewish causes as well. No chiddushim there.

Where it gets tricky is how we look at Jews who aren’t as affiliated or don’t feel strongly Jewish. I do suspect that some secular Jews might qualify to be in Brooks’ vision of Non-Giving America and are not giving significantly to charity today.

However, as a proud Jew and someone who loves all Jews, I refuse to apply his conclusions to Jews as a whole. I believe

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When choosing a car seat, the first thing to consider is the age and size of your child. There is a

wide range of car seats on the market that vary in brand, size, weight limit, and price, so it is important to understand the basics. We will start with newborns and work our way up.

There are two types of car seats to consider. The first is an infant-only car seat with a weight limit ranging from 5–22 pounds and 5–32 pounds. This is the more typical choice for most families. A car seat like this is rear facing only. It has a base that remains in the car at all times and a removable seat that you can use on a “snap and go” stroller. The benefits to having a removable car seat is that newborns often fall asleep in the car, and rather than wake them each time you get out of the car, you can take the whole car seat with you. Many companies make infant-only car seats. Among the most popular are Graco, Maxi-Cosi, Britax, and Peg Perego. From these the Graco and Peg Perego are the ones that can hold up to 32 pounds. The advantage to a car seat that holds this much weight is that the seat itself provides more room, while accommodating a heavier baby. Babies born in the winter are typically fine in the smaller car seat because they are small when they need to be all bundled up and these car seats are only meant to last one year. Spring/Summer babies, on the other hand, are between four and seven months by the time the winter comes and should you choose to continue using the infant car seat, the bigger bundled baby fits better in a bigger car seat.

The second type of car seat is called a convertible car seat. Its weight limit ranges from 5–40 pounds and 5–65 pounds. There

are some people who choose a car seat such as this so they do not need to buy another one for about a year. This is not my recommendation; the ease of the i n f a n t - o n l y car seat makes it worth the extra purchase. I do, however, recommend the convertible car seat as the second car seat. Most convertible car seats recline and can be installed rear or forward facing. This makes it a good option for parents who would like to switch their baby into a bigger car seat while they still need to be rear facing. A child must remain rear facing in a car seat from birth until the baby is a year old and weighs at least 20 pounds. It is said that the longer they are rear facing the safer they are in the car, so please do not rush to turn your baby around.

The reclining feature is also a big plus even for a forward facing one-year-old. It allows them to sit more comfortably when transitioning from the infant car seat to the next stage car seat. A convertible car seat is meant to last until your child is ready for a booster seat, which is at about 40 pounds and 40 inches. For an average child, this is about the age of four. If you have a convertible car seat that holds up to 65 pounds, there is no need to rush to switch your child into a booster. It is definitely safer to keep them in a five point harness car seat as long as possible. Also, the larger

car seat (up to 65 lbs) is more comfortable for a larger child even if they are not close to the maximum poundage. Do keep in mind that most of the car seats that hold up to 65 pounds are typically a little wider and taller than the car seats for children up to 40 pounds, so if you are limited for space this is something to consider. The Britax Roundabout or Diplomat are great choices for a convertible car seat holding up to 40 pounds, and the Britax Marathon or Boulevard are great choices for children up to 65 pounds. Something new from Britax is the Roundabout 50. It is now available from Britax and is a convertible car seat that can hold up to 50 pounds. If you have limited space, you may want to consider the Combi

Coccoro. This car seat was designed with a narrow back so, should

you need to, three car seats can be installed side by side in a standard car. For those of us not having triplets, it is a good, nice-looking car seat

that most definitely takes up less room in the back seat.

Up until now the law has been that children

need to ride in a booster seat until the age of six. That is about to change. A new law has been

passed in New York that all children up until the age of eight must ride

in a booster seat. The reason for this is that studies show that

until the age of at least eight, children are not the right proportion for standard safety belts. It’s not just our babies that need protecting, so please don’t give in to your not-yet-teenagers’ cries that they are too old for a booster seat. Safety comes first!

When choosing a booster seat, there are a few things to consider: First, whether or not you want a high back booster or just a low back booster. A good option would be to purchase a high back booster with a removable back. On a long trip, a four- to six-year-old child can still benefit from the comfort of the high back booster seat. It may not be necessary, but it is safer and more comfortable for them.

Your next decision would be which company to buy. For the most part, they are very similar. One company in particular that stands out and seems to go that extra

[Choosing The Right Car Seat]By: Miriam Eichenstein

(continued on page 58)

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Recently a customer walked into our store and asked us if we had any products that

they could use to dress up their hand-me-down stroller so that it would look new. Let’s be honest, while most of us would love to get a brand new stroller with each new baby, it’s not always affordable or practical to do so. To that end, we have decided to review three products which we feel are affordable, trendy, comfortable for your baby, and look good when put on a stroller.

The first product is a plush stroller liner from Tivoli Couture. These stroller liners are available in twenty different patterns and are all reversible to a soft minky material. The patterns are very modern and stylish and are updated by the manufacturer each season to match the current trends.

The Tivoli Liner is made of 100% cotton and comes with slits for a five point harness so that your baby is secure while sitting on the liner. These liners are compatible with almost all strollers.

Yes, the Tivoli Liner is able to turn an ordinary stroller into a classy ride for your baby, but even more exciting is the fact that these liners are easy to wash. If your little one spills or makes a mess on the liner, just throw it in the wash and your liner will be as good as new.

The next product is the Memory Foam Stroller Liner by Koochy Kooz. Much like the Tivoli Liner, the Koochy Kooz liner is reversible and made of 100% cotton. While the Koochy Kooz liner does not come in as many patterns as the Tivoli liner, there are always very stylish patterns to choose from (paisley, damask, floral, etc.) that it is likely to turn heads as you stroll down the street.

Although the Memory Foam stroller liners are priced slightly higher than other liners, it is well worth it for the

tempurpedic material the liners are made of, which will mold around your baby, providing a comfortable ride every time. The Memory Foam Stroller Liner from Koochy Kooz is compatible with almost all strollers.

The third product, the Mama-La Stroller Cover and Liner, caters towards a more niche consumer as it is made specifically for the Bugaboo Strollers. The Mama-La Cover is designed to cover the canopy and body of your Bugaboo Bee, Frog, or Cameleon with the exception of the basket. These covers are available in both a cotton chenille and quilted fabric, and each fabric has at least ten patterns to choose from. The Mama-La Covers are easy to remove and are machine washable. As with the other two products, these covers will protect your stroller and keep it looking clean all the time.

While the Mama-La Cover and Liner is the priciest of the three stroller liner options, it is also the most versatile. Not only does it allow you to give a new life to your Bugaboo, but it also provides you with a comfortable stroller liner for your baby.

All three of the products reviewed serve the same purposes of keeping your strollers clean and your loved one comfortable while in the stroller. With prices ranging from $70–$135, the Tivoli, Koochy Kooz, and Mama-Liners are also all cost effective methods for updating the look of your stroller as well. [IF]

Dayna Klinger and Cindy Merrill are co-owners of Dimples, a provider of unique baby gifts and accessories, located at 554 Central Avenue in Cedarhurst. They can be reached at 516-792-3290, or sales@DimplesShop.com, or on the web at DimplesShop.com.

[Dressing Up Your Stroller on a Budget]By: Dayna Klinger and Cindy Merrill

step is Clek. Clek currently produces both a high back and a low back option booster seat. What makes them unique is that their booster seat attaches to your LATCH system in your car. LATCH stands for Lower Anchors and Tethers for Children. All vehicle’s manufactured after September 1, 2002 are required to have the LATCH system. What this system does is it standardizes the installation of child restraints and lets you mount the restraints without the use of the vehicles seat belt. Cars, minivans, and light trucks are required to have anchors between the seat cushion and seat back, and a top tether anchor in at least two rear seat positions. The fasteners on the child safety seat attach very tightly to the anchors making it the safest way to install the car seat. All infant car seats and convertible car seats must have a LATCH belt system. Booster seats are not required to have this; however, Clek goes above and beyond by adding it to all of their seats. By securing a booster seat to your vehicle with the LATCH system, you are ensuring that it is properly placed under your child at all times. All too often I hear children saying that their booster seat slid out from underneath them or that it’s not comfortable. Also, for those times when your child is not in the car, having no weight on the booster seat allows it to loosely move around the car and fall over when a short stop is made. The LATCH system feature in a booster seat is not a necessity, but it’s a great advantage.

The most important thing to know about car seats is to make sure that whatever car seat you have is properly installed. I can’t stress enough the danger of driving around with an improperly installed car seat. So please read the instructions or find a place near you that can properly install your seat. If you decide to install it yourself, you can have it inspected at your convenience to ensure that it is properly installed. For an inspection location near you, visit SeatCheck.org and type in your zip code.[IF]

Miriam Eichenstein is the co-founder of Oh Baby! located at 3412 Avenue N in Brooklyn. She can be reached at 718-998-7373 or on the web at OhBabyGifts.com. If you have any questions or baby products you would like reviewed, please email miriam@ohbabygifts.com.

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Whether you ask for the toilet, washroom, restroom, water closet, or powder room,

they will all get you pointed in the same direction. In the UK the common name for what we refer to as the bathroom is called “the loo.” This term originates back to the middle ages and comes from the French phrase gardez l’eau. It was during these times of dysentery and cholera that the waste water was thrown from chamber pots out of the bedroom window to the street below. Gardez l’eau loosely translated as “watch out for water” was called out to warn pedestrians passing below.

Bathrooms have evolved throughout time and as technology has improved, so have our bathrooms. With the introduction of the first flush toilet in 1596, bathrooms and the items used in these rooms have continued to become as sophisticated as those who use them.

The terms Ensuite and Jack and Jill have been used more commonly in conversation and in real estate advertisements to somehow glamorize the bathroom, and rightfully so. The bathrooms of today are highly sophisticated and luxurious and also make good financial sense. According to the Realtor 2008 report, a mid-range bathroom renovation of approximately $16,000 can yield a cost recoup of 74.6 percent. Although home prices have fallen by an average of 7 percent in the past year, the value of a remodeling project has declined by only 3.86 percent on average.

So once you’ve done the math and have decided to embark on a bathroom renovation, research and careful planning are key. Unlike a kitchen renovation, bathrooms have more plumbing and therefore require more parts, which mean more choices in products and options within these items. Whether you want a super sleek modern look of masculine colors and chrome fixtures or the calming feeling a seaside spa of blues and greens or even an old world traditional feeling or cream and gold, there is the never ending selection of tile and fixtures to complement these looks.

A standard bathroom is comprised of a toilet, tub, and a sink, but a “super bathroom” takes it to a whole new level. The choices on a toilet can be simplified to either a low bowl versus a high tank, round vesus elongated, standard flush versus power flush, and the eco-friendly low consumption

versus high efficiency (dual flush). Bathtubs have also morphed into size and

shape options from the standard 30 x 60 alcove to a six-foot corner tub. Standard tubs are also available with optional whirlpool and heat, while other styles offer bubble massage, chromatherapy, aromatherapy, or music, in addition to breath and heart rate synchronization.

The shower is no longer one-headed; it has become a true “water experience.” Rain heads simulate “standing in the middle of a rain storm,” body jets can be aimed at various pressure and stress points, and the addition of steam with or without aromatherapy instantly provides therapeutic relief. Turning on and off these many items requires a well thought out plumbing plan with volume controls, thermostatic valves, sufficient water pressure, and in the case of an enhanced whirlpool or steam unit, an accessible electric unit.

When it comes to either a pedestal sink or

vanity, it’s all about space. Pedestal sinks are generally on the smaller size and don’t offer any storage, while vanities come in a wide range of sizes and can offer a combination of cabinet and drawer storage. All of these items will come in numerous styles, colors, and price tags, while ranging from builder grade to custom made.

The bathroom as we know it today has truly become our individual sanctuary and a place to rejuvenate from the daily stresses. When planning your bathroom renovation, it is important to take your time, with forethought, careful planning, and a flowing layout. In the end, a bathroom can be simply another room in your house or it can be an oasis of sinful luxury. [IF]

Diana Braun is the owner and lead designer of Cosmopolitan Kitchen & Bath located at 291 Burnside Avenue in Lawrence, NY. She can be reached at 516-569-8453.

[The Making of a Super Bathroom]By: Diana Braun

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[Ask The Shadchan]By: Yisrael Friedman

What information should I include in a shidduch resume? –Single Girl, Brooklyn

This is a very important question. Resume, as defined by the American

Heritage Dictionary, is a brief written account of personal, educational, and professional qualifications and experience, as that prepared by an applicant for a job. Notice the word brief. Someone once sent me a resume stating the following: (B”H this person is married, but for anonymity’s sake I will refer to her as Leah.) “Leah is 5 ft. 7 plus inches tall, very slim (size 0) and stunning in an elegant way. Light strawberry-blonde, above-shoulder-length hair, large striking blue eyes with long blonde eyelashes, a small straight nose, high cheekbones, naturally rosy cheeks, full rosy colored lips, and an affectionate, charming smile.”

The above example is obviously a much exaggerated description; most of the information is totally unnecessary (unless you are applying to a modeling agency). But besides for that, people get turned off when you present your child like they are the Dalai Lama. Keep it simple! Age, height, schooling, etc. will suffice. Like

anything else in life, you have to put your best foot forward, so briefly describe some of your child’s achievements (e.g., Shifra was the valedictorian of high school and served on the chesed committee), but not things that will make somebody raise their eyebrows (e.g., Yukel Shmaya won the most improved camper in Sur Me’ra, a camp for troubled youth). Use your common sense.

Whenever I do research on a prospective match for my son/daughter, I get rave reviews. Can I get some insight on how to find out accurate information? -Tzivia Z., Woodmere

Even as a shadchan, when people approach me to present their child or

friend, they will use adjectives like awe-inspiring, magnificent, and unbelievable. After doing a little research you realize that these responses are believable, however like most things in life, they are pretty typical. I always tell people that when doing research, you should try to find a common friend who knows both sides well—not just the person about whom you’re inquiring. That common friend, therefore, will be looking out for your best interest as well. If you only

call the references on the list, then you’re obviously only going to hear the most wonderful things. After all, who wants to be the one to give negative information about somebody? At times, when you just can’t find a common friend, ask very specific questions to the references—“Would you say that he is lively or more on the reserved side?” And remember, don’t bombard the person with useless inquiries. Asking questions like, “Why does the father drives a Lexus and the mother only an Acura?” or “Do the sisters wear makeup during the week?” is not only intrusive but also borderline insane. Besides, if you act presumptuous, it will no doubt get back to the other side and put the whole shidduch in jeopardy.

As a parent I have gotten some feedback that my child is having issues dating. What is the correct way to approach this constructively? –Troubled Dater, Lawrence

This is a very serious question that I receive calls about all the time. First

of all, you have to try to pinpoint the issue. Is your child too nervous on the date that he begins to stutter? Is your child noticeably rude or ostentatious on the date? Issues such as the above mentioned are very common—especially right in the beginning—for the first few boys/girls a person goes out with. Usually, a child will use his own intuition to eventually realize that he is turning the other party off and will try to improve his behavior. It never hurts for a parent to approach a child and explain very sensitively that there is nothing to be nervous about and that it will all work out, or to explain carefully to maybe not be so forward and to try to take a step back on the date. If the dating difficulty stems from more serious, deeply-rooted issues, like low self-esteem, this is probably not your first exposure to the problem. However, being in shidduchim can really exacerbate prior difficulties. In cases such as this, it is probably best to seek out a the help of a mentor or even a therapist that can really help to resolve the problem, as many times children are uncomfortable speaking with their parents directly. [IF]

To submit questions for an upcoming article, please email yfriedman@gatewaysonline.com. For all shidduchim inquiries, please contact Gateways Shidduch Office at connections@gatewaysonline.com.

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