Friendships and social skills 2019 21/05/2019 Alex Kelly Ltd 1 Alex Kelly Ltd Developing friendships and social skills Alex Kelly Alex Kelly Ltd Alex Kelly Speech and Language Therapist 23 years experience in NHS working 10 years in independent practice Alex Kelly Ltd Author of the Talkabout series Main interest in developing social skills, self esteem and friendship skills Set up Alex Kelly Ltd in 2007 Alex Kelly Ltd Alex Kelly Ltd & Speaking Space Ltd Training and consultancy in communication & social skills around the UK and abroad Speech Therapy & OT provide SLT and OT into 40 schools in Hampshire & Dorset & offer 1:1 SLT / OT Speaking Space - Day Service for adults with LD or autism Alex Kelly Ltd Speaking Space Ltd Alex Kelly Ltd Friendships & social skills 1 2 3 4 5 6
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Friendships and social skills 2019 21/05/2019
Alex Kelly Ltd 1
Alex Kelly Ltd
Developing friendships and social skillsAlex Kelly
Alex Kelly Ltd
Alex Kelly
Speech and Language Therapist
23 years experience in NHS working
10 years in independent practice
Alex Kelly Ltd
Author of the Talkabout series
Main interest in developing social skills, self esteem and friendship skills
Set up Alex Kelly Ltd in 2007
Alex Kelly Ltd
Alex Kelly Ltd & Speaking Space Ltd Training and consultancy
in communication & social skills around the UK and abroad
Speech Therapy & OT provide SLT and OT into 40 schools in Hampshire & Dorset & offer 1:1 SLT / OT
Speaking Space - Day Service for adults with LD or autism
Alex Kelly Ltd
Speaking Space LtdAlex Kelly Ltd
Friendships & social skills
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Why are friends important?... What is the benefit of a friend?
‘The bottom line is, we are social beings; we need to establish satisfactory and satisfying human connections. Figuring out how to get along with people, how to initiate friendship, how to walk away from relationships that are no longer pleasant and maintain the ones that are enjoyable and valuable – these are the challenges at the core of our emotional lives, and childhood is when we must begin to meet them.’
Rubin 2002
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Quality of life…
Children with communication difficulties often struggle to form relationships & are often rejected by their peers. They therefore experience a poorer quality of life.
Crawford et al 2005Warnes et al 2005
Alex Kelly LtdThe benefits of relationships
1. Quality of life2. Meaning3. Belonging4. Intimacy5. Career success6. Healing 7. Identity and self
esteem8. Health9. Support, sharing
tasks10. Development
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Friendship & a child’s development
1. Social development
2. Emotional development
3. Cognitive development
4. Psychosocial adjustment
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How did your relationship start?
What did you do?
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Motivation
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Self confidence
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Opportunity
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Social skills
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So… social skills difficulties or relationship difficulties?That is often the question…
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The link between social skills, self esteem and relationships
Social skills
Self esteemRelationship skills
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The TALKABOUT hierarchy of social skills, self esteem and relationship skills
1. Self awareness & self esteem
2. Nonverbal communication (Body language)
3. Verbal communication
4. Friendship skills
5. Assertiveness
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Social Skills
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A simple definition
Being able to communicate effectively with others.The skills we use when interacting with other people.So we are communicating in a manner that is seen and judged to be appropriate or competent by others.
So we use our social skills (or behaviours) in an appropriate manner to be seen as socially competent
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Autism…
Persistent difficulties with social communication and social interactionMore than 50% of children with autism are not happy in school More than 50% of teachers are not confident in their skills
Howley & Arnold 2005Attwood 2000Baron-Cohen 1985
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Success and social skills…
Social competence is a critical variable in predicting whether someone will be successful later on in life
80% of people who fail at work do so because they do not relate well to others
Denham et al 2001Rubin et al 2002
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Success in future…
‘When schools attend systematically to students’ social and emotional skills, the academic achievement of children increases, the incidence of problem behaviours decreases, and the quality of the relationships surrounding each child improves’.
Elias et al 1997
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What do you see?
Think of someone who has social skills difficulties…
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Social skills
Non verbal behaviour Verbal behaviour
Body Language Conversational skills
The way we talk
Alex Kelly Ltd
Alex Kelly Ltd
Albert Mehrabian 1971
But it is the ‘silent’ language of our nonverbal behaviour that will make people want to listen to us and believe us.
We have been educated to
believe that our words are of paramount
importance…
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First impressions…
Most people form an initial impression in
7 seconds
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The 3 ‘biggies’…Alex Kelly Ltd
Body Language
Eye contact
Distance
Facial expression Gesture
Touch
FidgetingPosture Personal appearance
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Eye contact
But what is the rule?
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Paralinguistic Skills or The way we talkThe non verbal aspects of speech
VolumeRateClarityIntonationFluency
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Verbal behaviour
• Listening • Starting a conversation• Taking turns• Asking questions• Answering questions• Being relevant• Repairing a conversation• Ending a conversation
Good verbal behaviour is also dependent on good non verbal behaviour
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What are the keys to a successful approach?
So how can we work with these children in the most effective way?
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The 3 steps to success
1. Assessment… knowing where to start
2. Intervention… knowing how to teach social skills and friendship skills
3. Evaluation… being able to assess whether you have been effective
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Step ❶… Knowing where to startThe hierarchical approach
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Alex Kelly Ltd
A hierarchy of social skills, self esteem and relationship skills
1. Self awareness & self esteem
2. Nonverbal communication (Body language)
3. Verbal communication
4. Friendship skills
5. Assertiveness
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STEP ❷How do we teach it?
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The 4 step plan
1. BEHAVIOUR… what is it? what are the rules?
2.MOTIVATION… what is it?
3. ENVIRONMENT… what opportunities are there?
4. STRATEGY… which is the best to use?
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4 key wordsBehaviour
1. Choose2. Why3. Describe4. Rules
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What is it? Motivation
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“Behaviour is not the issue”
“Tell me that if I hit people, I can’t go trampolining, because I value
trampolining more so I won’t hit them”
Ros Blackburn
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Consider the opportunities
Environment
1. Create opportunities
2. Consistency3. Peers4. Whole school
approach
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Choose the right approach
Strategy…4
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Strategies to teach social skills & friendships
❶ Therapeutic 1:1 approaches
❷ Group interventions
❸ Technology
❹ Creative arts
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Use a hierarchical & structured approach to intervention
Develop self awareness /self esteem
Develop social skills
Develop friendship skills
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Step ❸… Measure effectiveness
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In Summary
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Social competence is key to achieving a good quality of lifeSome children will need help to learn social skills
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and…
Developing social skills will also help children to develop healthy peer relationships
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but remember…
Use a hierarchical approach to teaching social skills
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and…
Use the environment and other people to back up what is being taught
Alex Kelly Ltd
and finally…
Have fun!
Alex Kelly Ltd
Thank you for listeningContact us
Fleming House, Alma Road,Romsey, Hampshire SO51 8ED
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