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Usher Faux Pas An elderly woman walked into the local country

church. A friendly usher greeted her at the door

and helped her up the flight of steps.

“Where would you like to sit?” he asked.

“The front row, please,” she answered.

“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said.

“The pastor is really boring.”

“Do you happen to know who I am?” asked

the woman.

“No,” said the usher.

“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.

“Do you know who I am?” the usher asked.

“No,” she said.

“Good.”

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Repentance in ProcessThe story is told of a shoplifter who writes to a

department store and says, “I’ve just become a

Christian, and I can’t sleep at night because I feel

guilty. So here’s $100 that I owe you.”

Then he signs his name, and in a little postscript

at the bottom he adds, “If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send

you the rest.”

—Bill WhitePa r a m o u n t, C a l i f o r n i a

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The Purpose of Coffee HourCoffee was always served at our church after the

service. One Sunday our minister asked one of the

smaller members of the congregation if he knew

why we had coffee hour.

Without hesitating, the youngster replied, “To

wake people up before they have to drive home.”

—Richard BlakeS a n L u i s O b i s p o , C a l i f o r n i a

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All Souped UpWhen a friend asked her four-year-old daughter to

fetch a can of soup from the pantry, she replied,

“But it’s dark and scary in there!”

“You don’t have to be afraid,” came her

mother’s calm reply. “Jesus is always with you,

even in the pantry.”

The girl thought for a moment, walked over to

the pantry, stuck her head in the door, and called,

“Jesus, if You’re in there, can You hand me a can

of soup?”

—Andrea MillerG r e e n v i l l e , S o u t h C a r o l i n a

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