Listening 101

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by Aaron Filipi Founder, Cairn Communication

Listening

Trust

Good outcomes2

Listening receiving, interpreting, recalling, evaluating, and responding

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Survival.

“…the listener always wins.”~

“The best leaders are the best listeners.” Sir Richard Branson~

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It comes down to one thing…

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Respect

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So…what’s your emotional IQ?

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empathy

emotional self control

emotional self awareness

nurturing relationships

Ask someone close to grade you on the emotional components.

Source: PRnewswire.com

Only 2% of the population are formally trained in listening.

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Lessons learned

1. Listen generously2. Listen for nuances3. Listen for confusion4. Be patient and don’t interrupt5. Get out of your head

Listening Lessons Learned

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•Listen at same level •Listen more; talk less

English tutor

Be like Connie.

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Listen generously.

•Seek to understand first. •Ask empathetic questions. •People who feel like you’re

listening, and not judging, will trust you more.

Former VP of HR and Administration for Morgan Memorial Goodwill Industries

Be like Mary.

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Listen for the nuances.

55% = expressions 38% = tone7% = meaning

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Data show: •More action-oriented listener, focusing on

information pertinent to the task at hand. •Less patience for rambling off topic and

unnecessary details.

Guys

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Data show: •Connect with emotions and conversation

undertones. •More concerned with the occurrence of

conversations than with the pertinent information discussed.

Gals

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Listen for confusion.

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Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why are wise men and wise guys opposites?

Why do we park in driveways, and drive on parkways?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one of them?

Why are boxing rings square?

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3 Common Causes of Miscommunication

1. Misaligned vocabularies - speaker not using words listener will understand.

2. Messy thinking - speaking before thinking.

3. Faulty definitions - overuse of homophones.

Flounder…or founder? Alternate…or alternative?

The great interruptor—especially during meetings Monday and Tuesday mornings.

Coffee…

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Be patient, don’t interrupt.

1. 314 interruption over 900 minutes of conversation 2. Men accounted for 212 of the 314 total interruptions 3. Men are almost three times as likely to interrupt women as they are to

interrupt other men 4. People interrupted each other once every 2 minutes and 51 seconds 5. Interruption rate correlates with number of conversation participants

Source: slate.com, 2014

IT professional….

Overheard women talking about annoying men who interrupt, so did his own study.

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Less productivity Less trust

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Shut up.

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“Better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

- Mark Twain

Focus on the other person as much as you’re focusing on this cash. Don’t “plan” your response…listen, think, and then respond.

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Get out of your head.

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Helpful tips

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10 Worst Listening Habits(we make when trying to listen)

1. Call the subject matter uninteresting 2. Criticize the delivery or appearance of the speaker 3. Become too stimulated 4. Listen only for facts 5. Try to outline everything that is being said 6. Fake attention 7. Tolerate or create distractions 8. Evade the difficult 9. Submit to emotional words 10.Waste thought power

Start here. Set your dang phone to DND.

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9 Common Non-Verbals

1. Crossed arms: Closed-off; resistance. 2. A brief touch to the hand: Quick connection; potentially

condescending. 3. A nose rub: You may be considered deceptive. 4. A barrier: Back off! Personal space! 5. A hand placed under the chin: Deciding. 6. Feet pointed toward the door: Interested in getting out. 7. Back-of-the-neck scratch: May have questions and concerns. 8. Hiding hands: Someone’s hiding something.

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Fake Genuine

Genuine happiness is in the eyes.

“Employees who use ‘upspeak’ put their promotions at risk by coming across as less confident.”

- Bernard Marr (performance expert)

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Listening

Trust

Good outcomes

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Professional Training Options

1. Creighton Business Institute 2. Harvard Extension School 3. TrainUp.com (virtual listening skills courses) 4. Dale Carnegie Training (dalecarnegie.com)