Monday, 10.20You have 5 minutes to turn in your take home

quiz.

If you lost your quiz, then you must get a new copy and complete it in 5 minutes!!!

Paper Revisions DUE by 4:00. Must be MLA perfect!

Eliminating Wordiness

10.20

Wordiness

Using too many words to express a thought

Eliminate PaddingBe sure your sentences don’t contain empty or

unnecessary phrases.

• Phrases to watch out for include the following:

• Because of the fact that…

• The reason is…

• I believe that…

• The point is…

• What I mean is…

Which phrase can be eliminated from these sentences?

• The bus was late because of the fact that it had a flat tire.

• This quote is saying that Abigail is manipulating the Puritan laws so she can avoid being convicted.

Delete Repeated IdeasSometimes you may repeat the same idea in two

different ways.

• At 7:00AM in the morning, we were waiting at the bus stop.

• At 7:00AM we were waiting at the bus stop.

Reduce the Number of ModifiersToo many modifiers can actually decrease a sentence’s

effectiveness.

• The bright, hot, blazing sun beat down on the travelers.

• The blazing sun beat down on the travelers.

Change Clauses to PhrasesClauses that begin with who is, that is, or which is

can often be reduced to simple phrases.

• The police officer, who is a ten-year veteran, was given a certificate of appreciation.

• The police officer, a ten-year veteran, was given a certificate of appreciation.

Remove Unnecessary InformationOnly include information that is important for your

reader to know.

• My best friend, who lives across the street, builds functioning robots.

• My best friend builds functioning robots.

Replacements for Wordy Expressions

• At this moment/point in time

• Due to the fact that

• For the purpose of

• It is clear/obvious that

• Without a doubt

• There is no question that

• In this day and age

• Now/today

• Because

• For

• Clearly/obviously

• Undoubtable

• Certainly

• Today

Wordiness – Intensifiers

• Really, very, extremely, completely, totally

• Overuse causes the words to lose meaning. If you have “a ton,” it makes what your saying seem ridiculous

• It’s seriously annoying when really every single word is very important and a really big deal because it’s very counterproductive to place a lot of very intense, albeit really points words, in front of words that don’t really need very many intensifiers.

Avoid Clichés

• Better late than never

• Easier said than done

• Sad but true

• Sigh of relief

• Tried but true

• Ladder of success

PRACTICEWork for the remainder of class.

Turn in Crucible books this week!

1. Our neighbor who lives in the house next door has been the recipient of an invitation to our governor’s ball.1. Our neighbor received an invitation to the governor’s ball.

2. The pies were baked by the parents of the second graders.1. The parents of the second graders baked the pies.

3. The sarcastic remarks that Linda delivered had the effect of causing everyone to become very angry. 1. Linda’s sarcastic remarks angered everyone.

4. Aluminum is a metal that is very light in weight.1. Aluminum is a very light metal.

5. The office manager wanted all the memos to be typed. She wanted all the memos to be typed so that they would be easy to read.1. The office manager wanted all the memos to be typed, so they would be easy to read.

6. He found his neighbor who lived next door and was thirty years old to be attractive in appearance.1. He found his thirty year old neighbor to be attractive.

7. One time when I went to the park, my friend, whose name is Jake, went with me and we had fun.1. One time Jake and I went to the park and we had fun.

8. The dog was walked by the girls who were sisters.1. The sisters walked the dog.

1. Our neighbor who lives in the house next door has been the recipient of an invitation to the governor’s ball.1. Our neighbor received an invitation to the governor’s ball.

2. The pies were baked by the parents of the second graders.1. Correct

3. The sarcastic remarks that Linda delivered had the effect of causing everyone to become very angry. 1. Linda’s sarcastic remarks angered everyone.

4. Aluminum is a metal that is very light in weight.

4. Aluminum is a light weight metal.

5. The office manager wanted all the memos to be typed. She wanted all the memos to be typed so that they would be easy to read.

4. The office manager wanted all the memos to be typed, so they would be easy to read.

6. He found his neighbor who lived next door and was thirty years old to be attractive in appearance.

4. He found his 30 year old neighbor to be attractive.

The sisters walked the dog; it had been years since they have seen each other, but it was enjoyable nonetheless.