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8

A Dollar Between UsTrusting in Divine Providence

2004

Love is cheap. Years ago, when Danand I were dating, he used to drive 100 miles from hiscollege in New Hampshire to mine in Massachusettsto pick me up every weekend. We were young and inlove—the miles didn’t matter. Coming up with threequarters for the highway tolls, however, sometimesproved troublesome.

One Friday afternoon, Dan arrived at my dormito-ry to pick me up and confessed that he had no moneyfor the return trip. I emptied my purse and came upwith a couple of dimes and a nickel. Together, we thenransacked my dorm room reaching through dust bun-nies under the bed and rummaging through desk draw-ers in search of spare change. We added up our find-ings: fifty-eight cents.

We were considering the implications of runningthrough the toll booth without paying the full amountwhen suddenly I thought to check the pockets of adirty pair of jeans in my laundry bag. There I found—

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yes!—a whole dollar bill. I gasped and held it out forDan to see. For a moment we stood speechless, hold-ing the rumpled bill between us, astounded by ourgood fortune.

These days, we don’t often have trouble payinghighway tolls, but after ten years of marriage and sixchildren, we still know the value of a dollar. We driveused cars, our dinner menus are usually determined bysupermarket specials, and I never turn down an offeredbag of second-hand clothing.

When Dan made the decision to teach at aCatholic boys’ school, we knew that the financialrewards would be few. We have always trusted God toprovide for our material needs, though, and he hasnever disappointed us.

I have found, however, that sometimes God testsour faith a bit before he provides. Once, whenAmbrose’s doctor prescribed a new medication thatcost 1,500 dollars a month, our health insurancerefused to pay for it. After spending the afternoon onthe phone with the doctor’s office, the pharmacy, andthe insurance company, I found no solution. I calledDan at work and burst into tears.

“Don’t worry,” he reassured me. “If Ambrose needsthat medicine, God will help us to get it.”

After an anxious, heartsick weekend, I received acall from a nurse at the doctor’s office. She explainedthat the pharmaceutical company had agreed to giveus a six-month supply of the medication free of charge.

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By the end of six months, our insurance coverage hadchanged and the prescription was covered.

Of course, we need to be prudent, and God expectsus to use our natural gifts of intelligence and reason tomake sensible decisions for our families. If we remem-ber to put God first, though, we need never doubt hisgoodness and generosity. After all, our Lord teaches us:“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it isthe Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeedyour heavenly Father knows that you need all thesethings. But strive first for the kingdom of God and hisrighteousness, and all these things will be given to youas well” (Mt 6:31–33).

Recently our parish hosted a marriage preparationseminar for engaged couples. Being the nosy personthat I am, I slipped into the conference room afterMass and glanced through some of the written materi-als they were using. In one booklet, under a sectiontitled “Finances and Family Planning,” one statementcaught my eye.

“Children are expensive,” it declared in bold print.The author then went on to highlight all of the costlymaterial goods parents must buy for their children. Helisted everything from diapers to strollers, and pianolessons to college tuition.

I wondered: Is this the message we want to rein-force? Our materialistic, contraceptive culture has

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already told young people to view children as expen-sive burdens a long time ago. Shouldn’t the Catholicmessage concerning children and finances be an alter-native, life-affirming one?

My faith and my experience tell me that childrenare a precious gift of marriage and God’s choicest bless-ing. You can’t put a price on the smooth fleshy arms ofa baby, still warm from her nap, that reach around yourneck and squeeze you as if you are the only person inthe world who matters. You can’t give a dollar value tothe innocence and admiration of a child who watcheshis father play tennis and asks with earnest, “Is thereanything Papa can’t do?”

Children are expensive? There’s no doubt thatchildren must be fed, clothed, and educated, and thatthese things aren’t free. When I consider the ways inwhich family life has changed us, though, I figure Danand I are getting a bargain. Responsibility for childrencompels us to abandon selfishness and materialism.Through the joint venture of raising our family, mak-ing daily sacrifices and accommodations, Dan and Ihave grown in love for God and for each other.

Tonight at dinner, our children scuffle into theirchairs and gather around plates of spaghetti, talkingand laughing, exchanging jokes and stories. I lookacross the table at my husband and recall our humblecollege days with a dollar between us. Little did weknow what wealth God had in store for us.

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9

Every Mother WorksBlooming Where You’re Planted

2004

The house was clean and the chickencordon bleu was perfect. The children maintained rea-sonably good “company” behavior and then wentuncomplainingly to their beds. Despite these success-es, however, the evening we entertained two of myhusband’s old friends and their girlfriends several yearsago, I felt like a miserable failure.

Throughout the evening the men shared highschool reminiscences while the women talked at greatlength about their graduate studies in chemistry andbiology. After describing her plans for a career in envi-ronmental biology, one of the women finally turned tome and asked, “So, what do you do?”

The room grew quiet. I suddenly felt very preg-nant. In fact, my eight-month pregnant belly seemedto swell to twice its size as I managed to stammer, “Me?I- I’m just a mom.”

There was a long, awkward pause while my new ac-quaintances considered what to do with this information.

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“That’s nice,” one of them finally offered. “My sis-ter has kids.”

I can’t remember what I said next, but I know itwasn’t dazzlingly insightful.

“I used to be somebody!” I wailed to my unsus-pecting husband as his friends’ car pulled out of ourdriveway at the end of the evening.

Poor Dan. He said all the things a man is supposedto say when his wife is determined to feel sorry for her-self, but I wasn’t prepared to listen. I was acutely miss-ing the simple sense of accomplishment and success ofmy younger years and I needed to stew for a while.

Most at-home mothers I know squirm in the faceof the “What do you do” question. Although I knowthat the things I accomplish in raising my children aremore valuable than any contributions I might make tosociety as a member of the work force, there aremoments when I think longingly of my college yearsand yearn for a more tangible sense of success.

In my generation, a great deal of attention hasbeen paid to the so-called “Mommy Wars” in whichmothers at home are pitted against full-time careerwomen. Most of the women I know who work outsidethe home, however, are not the glamorous, greedy,selfish career women some would have us envision.They are faith-filled women seeking to do what isbest for their families, often at great personal cost tothemselves.

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After our first child was born, I worked full-time tosupport our family while Dan finished his courseworkin a masters program. Although I enjoyed my work,and my mother took wonderful care of Kateri, myheart broke every time I had to leave her. I didn’t workfor personal fulfillment but out of financial necessity.

We can’t always choose our circumstances. We arecalled to different states in life and we each have ourown cross to bear. Some mothers sacrifice by stayinghome while others sacrifice by going to work. What weknow is that if we willing and lovingly make sacrificesand work for the welfare of our families, God will blessus for it.

Christ tells us: “...Unless a grain of wheat falls intothe earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but ifit dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their lifelose it, and those who hate their life in this world willkeep it for eternal life” (Jn 12:24–25).

I am happy to report that in the years since thatmiserable dinner party, I have become more contentedin my role as a full-time wife and mother. In fact, Ithrive in the quietly supportive role God has given meand I am proud to be the indispensable, though oftenunseen, heart of our family life.

This afternoon, the kids come in from playing out-side, pull off their boots, and wrestle out of their coats.Dan challenges Eamon to a game of chess and theyounger boys settle in to watch as they set up the game

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pieces. The girls immerse themselves in an imaginarygame of “Pretty Ponies.”

Like my mother before me and my grandmotherbefore her, like so many mothers all over the world, Istand at the kitchen stove while my family’s life swirlsaround me. I add vegetables to the stew, squeeze thebaby on my hip, and stand quietly stirring. Mother-hood, in all its forms, is a steadfast, time-honored pro-fession, and I am honored to be here.

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