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Negotiation and Influencing Skills
Good Morning!
• Houskeeping
• Intro’s
• Aims
What are your aims?
Setting the context
• L.A. moving from delivery to commissioning
• Increased collaboration with all sectors
• Collaboration and partnership needs negotiation and influence
• ‘Commercial’ approach to include small contracts and entire functions
Mark’s Aims:
• Negotiate with the aim of achieving mutually acceptable outcomes
• Make effective preparations before starting to negotiate
• Structure and pace negotiations so that you do not find yourself entering into agreements until you are ready
• Improve your softer ‘influencing’ skills
This course will provide you with 4 outcomes:
• Negotiate with the aim of achieving mutually acceptable outcomes
• Make effective preparations before starting to negotiate
• Structure and pace negotiations so that you do not find yourself entering into agreements until you are ready
• Improve your softer ‘influencing’ skills
This course will provide you with 4 outcomes:
• Negotiate with the aim of achieving mutually acceptable outcomes
• Make effective preparations before starting to negotiate
• Structure and pace negotiations so that you do not find yourself entering into agreements until you are ready
• Improve your softer ‘influencing’ skills
This course will provide you with 4 outcomes:
• Negotiate with the aim of achieving mutually acceptable outcomes
• Make effective preparations before starting to negotiate
• Structure and pace negotiations so that you do not find yourself entering into agreements until you are ready
• Improve your softer ‘influencing’ skills
This course will provide you with 4 outcomes:
• Negotiate with the aim of achieving mutually acceptable outcomes
• Make effective preparations before starting to negotiate
• Structure and pace negotiations so that you do not find yourself entering into agreements until you are ready
• Improve your softer ‘influencing’ skills
This course will provide you with 4 outcomes:
3 Key Elements
Key Principles
Powerful Influencing Tools
Negotiation Techniques
Today …
What is Negotiation?
Planning the Negotiation
Handling the Negotiation
Today will help you to avoid common mistakes
• Wanting something too much
• Thinking the other side has all the power
• Getting hung up on one issue
• Thinking short term
• Talking too much
• Taking it personally
• Not doing your homework
• Not seeing their side
This first session …
• Get started by having a go
• Understand the 2 Key Approaches
• Consider your potential negotiating situations
• Identify when to negotiate ( & when NOT to negotiate)
• Introduce the 4 stage negotiation structure
Welcome to the Conference!
Cottonmill Island
Wheatleigh Island
Pit IslandCowpat Island
Negotiation (definition)
Negotiation (definition)
Discuss with a view to mutual settlement
(Collins Gem Dictionary)
Negotiation (definition)
...the process whereby interested parties resolve disputes, agree upon courses of action, bargain for individual or collective advantage, and/or attempt to craft outcomes which serve their mutual interests.
(Wikepedia)
Negotiation (definition)
Confer with a view to compromise or agreement
(concise Oxford Dictionary)
“The art of letting someone get your
own way”
Types of negotiation
Satisfying needs of others
Satisfying own needs
Submit
Demand
Dovetail
Withdraw
Compromise
The ‘Flinch’
Will’s first offer …
Will’s second offer
Satisfying needs of others
Satisfying own needs
Dovetail =Optimal Position
Them Us
AssertiveAssertive Win Win
CompetitiveCompetitive Lose Win
SubmissiveSubmissive Win Lose
AggressiveAggressive Lose Lose
‘positional’ or ‘principled’?
Positions =
I win, you lose
Disadvanges
• Positions become locked in
• Ego and face saving become the driver
• You miss opportunities to progress your interests
Talks breakdown 1960
The positional negotiation spectrum
Hard Soft
Wants to win
Sees ‘tough’ as good
Ends up with damaged relationships
Wants to avoid conflict
Makes concessions
Ends up feeling ‘mugged’
Interests
Harvard Negotiation Project
• Principled negotiation
• Hard on the merits
• Soft on the people
• Win / Win
E.G’s of Win / Win
• Jack and Mrs Sprat
• Israel and Egypt
• Good Friday Agreement
• Some Industrial disputes
Advantages
• More enduring agreements
• Better relationships
• Is fairer, meets legitimate interests
Your experience…?
• Examples of win / lose
• Examples of win / win
• What is the prevalent culture here?
• What style did you use during the
exercise?
Coffee?
4 Ways to get to ‘win / win’
• Separate the people from the problem
• Focus on interests not positions
• Generate as many options as possible
• Agree objective criteria at the start
People
• Empathise
• Legitimise any emotions
• Talk about your feelings not their behaviours
Interests
• Look for mutual interests (where can you agree)
• Legitimise their other interests
• Look to dovetail interests
Israel, and the territory gained in 1967
The Egyptian flagged, demilitarized zones
Options
• Don’t just look for one answer (broaden options, don’t narrow gap)
• First generate, then choose
• Look for mutual gain
• The pie is not fixed
IdeaWorks - 7 ways to generate options
1. Establish common goals of what this "collaboration" would create.
2. Establish the rules of engagement. 3. Trust is key, establish physical proximity. 4. Add diversity (gender, culture, extroverts,
different work specialties, experts, outsiders) to the group.
5. Work in small groups. 6. Sleep on it 7. Take your time, no rush
Options
• Don’t just look for one answer (broaden options, don’t narrow gap)
• First generate, then choose
• Look for mutual gain
• The pie is not fixed (Dreamliner)
Agree Objective Criteria
• For example, are price negotiations based on market value, replacement cost or depreciated book value
• Are contract negotiations based on value, or delivery cost
High Projection
High EmpathyLow Empathy
Low Projection
Persuasive
Take it or leave it
High pressure
Weak
Seeing their point of view?
Positional Thinking
POTENTIAL NEGOTIATIONS
• Turn to Page 6 of your workbook
• List negotiations that you may get involved in
• Work and personal
For example …
• Do you negotiate with colleagues about how a task should be done?
• Do you negotiate with family members?
• Do you negotiate when buying or selling?
Page 7: ALTERNATIVES TO NEGOTIATION
When to negotiate?• When we are given no choice
• When we need each other’s consent
• When it is the only way to get what we want
• When the outcome is uncertain
• When the stakes justify our time and effort
Gavin Kennedy – The Perfect Negotiation
Build the negotiation
• Plan
• Lay foundations
• Build
• Complete
Update your learning log
Session 2
How will you ensure that the parties exchange all relevant
information?
What preparation will be required if there is an emotional dimension to the negotiation?
How will you mentally prepare yourself?
How will you identify the issues for both sides?
What are your limits?
What planning might you need about the concessions you
might need to make during the negotiation?
Transfer this information to page 9 of your workbook …
Collect in advance …
E.G. Buying a car …
• What do the price guides say?• Are there lots of similar cars out
there?• History of the vehicle• Condition?• How long has this car been for
sale?• Why is owner selling it?• Who is the owner?
Why find out about the negotiator?
Collect Information DURING the negotiation…
1.Prepare questions
2.Prepare answers
3.Identify and prioritise
4.Set negotiating range
5.Establish best alternatives
Key idea - Find out as much about the other side as you can with questions
• Want do they want and/or need?• What is important to them?• Is your existing info correct?• What else do you need to know?• Are your assumptions correct?• Do they see things the same
way that you do?
What might they ask you?
Research shows that skilled and average negotiators devote the
same amount of time to preparation. But the average
negotiators focus on the numbers. The best negotiators focus on the
strategy and the soft issues
The best negotiators …
• Ask more than twice as many questions
• Do more than twice as much testing, summarising, and seeking clarification
• Use fewer arguments – sticking to one or two key central, positive reasons.
Identify and Prioritise: Page 11
Set the negotiation range: Page 12
Negotiation Range – 3 ‘anchor points’
• Opening
• Target
• Walk Away
OO ptimal ptimal
DD esired esired
EE ssential ssential
B.A.T.N.A.
African Safari
Pick a real scenario• Pick a real negotiation
scenario
• Describe to partner
• Prepare questions you need to ask
• Anticipate questions you may be asked and prepare answers
• Feed back to group
Remember! - Find out as much about the other side as you can with questions
• Want do they want and/or need?• What is important to them?• Is your existing info correct?• What else do you need to know?• Are your assumptions correct?• Do they see things the same
way that you do?
Update your learning log
Stage Two: Lay Foundations
Time for a chat
Building Rapport
How your subconscious
is really in charge
What we’ll cover
• Body Language
• Commonality
• Listening
Rapport is like money: it increases in importance when you do not have it, and when
you do have it, a lot of opportunities appear
Genie Z Laborde; ‘Influencing With Integrity’
“Rapport is POWER. With it you can get things done you can’t get done any
other way.”
Tony Robbins
Characteristics and
behaviours of the influential?
Two Types of Communication
Verbal
Non-verbal
3 Ways to Connect
what you say
how you say it
what you look like when you say it
The Merhabian Circle
Words
Tone
Body Language
55%
38%
7%
‘All that matters is delivery, delivery,
delivery’
Demosthenes
384-322 BC
Important researchers into communication
• Charles Darwin
• Albert Mehrabian
• R L Birdwhistell
Anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell
• We use almost 1,000,000 non verbal signals and cues
• The average person speaks for 10 minutes a day
• The average sentence lasts 2.5 seconds
• We use and recognise 250,000 facial expressions
Hysteria Idiocy Innocence
ShockObstinacy
Anger Love
InterestSadness
ReliefDisdain
Surprise Mischief Surprise
Happiness
Using Body Language
ACTIVE
PASSIVE
“No, honestly – I find your proposal fascinating”
Nixon v Kennedy 1960
UCLA, home of
Professor Mehrabian
How does this help you influence?
m b a
What’s going on …?
m b a
What’s going on …?
m b aHigh Performance Capacity Building
Using your palm to influence others
… … The Blyth wayThe Blyth way
Submissive and Aggressive Palm Gestures
Taking Control
Giving Control
m b a
Commonality
Milton Erickson
Mirroring:
The matching of certain behaviours of the other
person
Mirroring
Mirroring and Leading
Tone
empo
High
Low
Fast
Slow
Voice
Movement
Posture
I rest my case!
Touch
Personal Space
Breathing
The Bus To Town
Develop Your Listening Skills
How easy is it?
What stops us from listening?
• Distractions
• Lack of training
• Filtering
• Self absorbtion
“La la la la la”
Most people aren’t listening
• We forget 50% of what we are told immediately!
• 95% within 24 hours
Listening – Problem Behaviours:
Daydreaming Nit Picking
Micky taking Assuming
Waiting until they SHUT UP!
“True listening is an active pursuit designed to achieve full understanding regardless of the exact words spoken …
… sometimes in spite of the exact words spoken”
In fact we only listen when we
are truly interested or we
have to
And so?
• We need to tune in
• We need to understand their motivation, feelings, desires, perceptions
• We need to dovetail our our outcomes and theirs
How to tune inHow to tune in
Qualify meaning
‘Mine’s a better way to do it’
‘in what way is it better?’
‘It was a very successful project’
‘how do you measure ‘success’’?
‘‘We need to be more productive’We need to be more productive’
‘‘How will we measure that, exactly?’How will we measure that, exactly?’
Deal with ‘universals’
• Look for ‘always’, ‘never’ or ‘all’ or
‘none’
Examples
She is responsible for the whole team and its actions
‘The whole team – and all of their actions?
Examples
‘They are all against the idea’
‘All of them?’
‘The whole idea?’
Good listeners
• Give 100% attention• Orient towards the
speaker• Are comfortable with
silence• Encourage with good
body language• Feedback their
understanding• Don’t assume
Noam Chompsky
• Surface language
• Deep language
And sorting this out is difficult because …
By now, most of the issues should be out in the open, and it
is time to move towards agreement
Stage Three: Build
• Opening position• Sounding out• Pause• Appropriate
Response• Towards Agreement
First Offers
Framing
Sounding Out …
Use the ‘If …. would’ formula
Page 18 of your workbook
Scenario 1
If you are prepared to increase your figure it might be possible for me to make
some movement on my asking price.
Scenario 2
If you fill the tank with petrol and provide the car with road
tax, I might be able to get closer to your price.
Scenario 3
If you spend the next 15 minutes tidying your
bedroom I may be able to let you stay up a little
longer tonight.
Your offer must be ‘tentative’ – not ‘absolute’: Put the ball back
into their court.
Once a tentative suggestion is accepted – move to a firm offer.
See page 19 of workbook
Hit the button!
• When you have just made an offer
• When they have made a proposal to you
• Stops you rejecting a bad offer outright
• Keeps you both talking
Respond Appropriately …
• Question the offer
• Is there anything you do like? – then tell them
• Make a counter offer
The ‘Nibble’
The ‘Set Aside’
Higher Authority
Beware of dirty tricks …
•Smoke Screen
•Creating Physical Discomfort
•Positional powerplay
•Puppy dog eyes
•‘Absolutely unacceptable’
…And some more quick tips …
1. Use silence2. Take notes3. Promote a good feeling4. Take plenty of breaks5. Be generous at the end6. If stuck, try ‘doorknobbing’7. Try walking side by side when ‘stuck’ – face
each other square on when agreeing8. Start closing at the opening – build a personal
relationship
Stage Four: Completion
• Closing successful negotiations
• Closing unsuccessful negotiations
Successful
• Summarise what is agreed
• Congratulate each other
• Affirm next /first steps
Unsuccessful
• Summarise what is agreed
• Leave the possibility of future discourse open
• Build rapport even as you leave the room!
Pine Furniture!
Negotiation & Influencing Skills
(Day 2)
Good Morning!
HandCaseMeCar
BookAndBrainMe
HereTree
MississippiOf
DoorAnd
MusicMe
HomeFilm
WhiteAnd
Influencing with integrity means ‘dovetailing’ outcomes
For this to happen you need to fully understand the other person
Belief
Trust
Influence
Influence is like electricity
• You can turn it on and off
• Its invisible, but its results are not
• It will give you power
Key
Principles
Of
Influence
Key principles:
Reciprocation
The 3C’s
Social Proof
Click, whirr!
Sabre Tooth Blenny
Conditioned response (a.k.a. habit)
Another name for a funny story, beginning with ‘J’?
JOKE
Another name for Coca Cola?
COKE
Unpleasant thing to do with a sharp stick?
POKE
Pleasant thing to do in a hot tub?
SOAK
The correct name for the white of an egg?
DID YOU SAY YOLK?
DON’T YOU MEAN ALBUMEN?
Reciprocation Rule
‘We are human because our ancestors learned to share skills in an honoured network of obligation’
Archaeologist Richard Leakey
‘The Web of Indebtedness’
Anthropologists Lionel Tiger and Robin Fox
EXAMPLES OF RECIPROCATION
$5,000 sent between Mexico and impoverished Ethiopia in 1985
Prof Dennis Regan, Cornell University ‘Joe and the Coca Cola’
Hare Krishna Society – ‘BENEFACTOR BEFORE BEGGAR STRATEGY’
MORE EXAMPLES OF RECIPROCATION
Vance Packard the Cheese Counter Salesman (worth 1,000 pounds)
The Amway Bug (worth 1.5 billion dollars)
Eibl Eibesfeldt’s soldier (worth a life)
The Rule IsOVERPOWERING
How to use the rule of reciprocity
• Register a future obligation (don’t say ‘don’t mention it’)
• Don’t disengage when rejected, but retreat ‘within’ the negotiation
How to use the rule of reciprocity
How to use the rule of reciprocity
How to use the rule of reciprocity
Think laterally about concessions
• i.e. think beyond £££ - consider delivery speed, additional credit, prompt payment schedule, publicity, etc.
• What can you give away that doesn’t hurt you but generates reciprocity.
Think of ways to use the Reciprocation Rule in a negotiation or pre-negotiation
context:
Who?
What could you do for them?
What do you want in exchange?
The 3 C’sConsistency
Commitment
Compliance
Commitment - Steve Sherman
The principles of ‘consistency’ and ‘commitment’ when used together, mean we can get people to change their behaviour, by getting them to
view themselves differently
Compliance
Change someone’s behaviour
Make someone view themselves differently (and therefore act differently)
Make a small commitment
Can you use the 3C’s (in a negotiation or pre-negotiation situation) to :
How this is used in sales
Die Leiden des jungen Werthers (The Sorrows of Young Werthers)
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Social ProofFriends
Buskers
Billy Graham
Children in Need
Club Bouncers
Buskers
Remember ‘framing’?
• University of Bristol studied 300,000 donations
• 1 donation of £100 increased next 20 donations by at least £10
Billy Graham
Club Doormen
For applause on entrance, if a gentleman 25 lire
For applause on entrance, if a lady 15 lire
Ordinary applause during performance, each 10 lire
Insistent applause during performance, each 15 lire
Still more insistent applause 17 lire
For interruptions with “Bene!” or “Bravo!” 5 lire
For a “Bis” at any cost 50 lire
Wild enthusiasm – A special sum to be arranged
How to use Social Proof?
• Model the behaviours
• Find endorsers
• Find champions and advocates
Presenting your message with
clarity and power
What goes wrong with language?
Jargon
“The resources allow a fluid response to mobilise our assets based on analysis that is inputted to HQ.”
A Northumbria Police spokesman commenting on
the new motorbikes bought by the force
“a multi-agency project catering for holistic diversionary provision to young people for positive action linked to the community safety
strategy and the pupil referral unit”?
A Go Kart Track
Why use it at all?
Complex
Orwell’s Golden Rules of Writing
“Ask ‘what am I trying to say? … Ask ‘could I
have put it more shortly? … Never use a
figure of speech that you are used to seeing
in print … Never use a long word when a short one
will do … If it is possible to cut out a word, always
cut out a word … Never use jargon if you can think
of an everyday equivalent”
George Orwell
“Speak the speech I pray you …”
1. detrimental2. sufficient3. ongoing4. verify5. ascertain6. parameters7. utilise8. modify9. remuneration
10. facilitate11. magnitude12. optimum13. viable14. close proximity15. augment16. implement 17. expedite18. terminate
19. concur20. adjacent21. maximise22. endeavour23. accomplish24. acquire25.advantageous
Session 2
Presentation SkillsPresentation Skills
Advantages of standing up
• People will pay 25% more
• 79% sign up against 58%
• You, more professional,
persuasive, credible, interesting,
prepared
University of Pennsylvania Study
Consensus
Action
Perception of you
How We Take Information on Board
Universities of Wisconsin, Harvard, Columbia and Wharton School of Business
Learning improved by 200%
Retention up 38%
Time to explain complex
ideas down 25%
Mark’s favourite
words are ….?
Primacy: HAND, CASE.
Frequency: ME, AND.
Recency: FILM, WHITE.
Peculiarity: MISSISSIPPI
4 Elements of Successful Structure
Primacy
PeculiarityFrequency
Recency
RECALL
PrimacyRecency
100%
Time
0%
Primacy and Recency
Primacy and Recency
RECALL
Primacy
Recency
100%
Time
0%
RECALL
Outstanding Information
100%
Time
0%
Add ‘outstandingness’
Original curve of recall
Engaging Openings – the rhetorical question
‘How many of us thought that the internet would transform the way we do business – so quickly, so completely, and for ever?’
Engaging Openings – the hard hitting statement
‘The fact that in this our called civilised society, a child can live the short tragic life of Baby Peter – is nothing short of a national disgrace’
Engaging Openings – the intriguing fact
‘‘We make more telephone calls in the U.K. every day, than we made during the whole of 1983.”
Engaging Openings – critical contrast
‘‘We spend more money on ice cream in Europe each year than we do on emergency aid to developing countries”
Jan Egelund, the United Nations.
Engaging Endings – the Rule of 3s
‘The World will miss him. The Church will miss him. I will miss him’.
Cardinal Cormack Murphy O’Connor (on the death of Pope John Paul).
The Rule of 3s
‘My priorities can be summed up in 3 words. Education. Education. Education’.
Tony Blair.
The Rule of 3s
‘My priorities can be summed up in 3 letters. N. H. S’.
David Cameron.
Engaging Endings – the Rule of 3s
‘You can’t be in business today, use yesterday’s tools and still be in business tomorrow’
Engaging Endings – the Rule of 3s
‘..for the youth of today, the athletes of tomorrow and the Olympians of the future’.
Lord Coe on London’s Olympic bid.
’
Engaging Endings – Call to action
‘We need you. Join us’