***January Meeting***

When: Tuesday, January 14, 2014 6:30 PM – Doors Open If this Is your first meeting, please arrive by 6:30 7:00 PM—Meeting Begins Where: Kingsland Baptist Church 20555 Kingsland Blvd, Katy, TX 77450 John Burns Building, East side of church Program: A New Year of Changes

Directions:

From East of Fry Road (coming from Houston): Go west on I-10 to Fry Road. Turn left (south) on Fry Road. Turn right (west) on Kings-land Blvd and travel 0.5 miles to Kingsland Baptist Church. From West of Mason Road (coming from San Antonio): Go east on I-10 to Westgreen Blvd. Turn right (south) on Westgreen Blvd and travel 0.6 miles to Kingsland Blvd. Turn left (east) on Kingsland Blvd and travel 0.5 miles to Kingsland Baptist Church.

(Across from Nottingham Country Elementary School)

Chapter Leaders Melinda and Glen Ginter (281) 492-1262 Newsletter Editor Annette Mennen Baldwin (281) 578-9118 Treasurer Lisa Leanard

When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daugh-ter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.

We need not walk alone.

We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with love, with understanding, and with hope. The children we mourn have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for them unites us. Your pain be-comes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope. We come together from all walks of life, from many different circum-stances. We are a unique family because we represent many races, creeds, and relationships. We are young, and we are old. Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that they feel help-less and see no hope. Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength, while some of us are struggling to find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression, while others radiate an inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our love for the children who have died. We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are commit-ted to building a future together. We reach out to each other in love to share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and help each other to grieve as well as to grow. We Need Not Walk Alone. We Are The Compassionate Friends. ~TCF Credo

Newsletter of the Katy, TX, Chapter

The death of your child is probably the most traumatic, life-changing event that you will ever experience. The Compas-sionate Friends is an organization of parents who have also lost a child to death. Each of us has experienced the deep, searing pain that you are feeling now. Each of us has turned to other parents who were farther into their grief journey for guidance, support and understanding. This is done through our monthly meetings, our newsletter, our website, our phone-a-friend pro-gram, our library, our e-mail program and our referral program. Each month parents find our meeting to be a safe place where they can talk about their pain and problems with others who are uniquely qualified to understand; bereaved parents offer gentle suggestions or often simply listen. We invite you to bring a friend to your first few meetings until you feel a level of comfort with the group. Do not be surprised if we talk about the happy times with our children, the wonderful memories and the various methods we have created to keep our children close to us. It is here that many bereaved parents find hope as those who are more seasoned in their grief shine the light of experience to help illuminate each grief path. We have no dues. We are self-sustaining through donations and the generosity of so many in our community. You Need Not Walk Alone.

January 2014

Welcome

We thank each of you who attended our Candle Lighting Ceremony for taking the time from your busy and often overwhelming schedule to honor your child with us. We had an exceptionally large number of newly bereaved parents and families attending Candle Lighting this year, and each story touched our hearts. We are grateful that we could pro-vide a gentle setting and ceremony that encouraged you to honor your child with us. We encourage each of you to attend our January meeting. Thank you for participating.

Page 2 January 2014

Katy TCF Volunteers

Welcome Cards to new members—Brenda Schmitt Cards for remembrances—Robin Larsen Newsletter—Annette Mennen Baldwin amennenbaldwin@hotmail.com E-mail to group-Annette Mennen Baldwin— tcfkaty.messages@gmail.com Publicity & E-Mail correspondence—Annette Mennen Baldwin Picture Buttons—Annette Mennen Baldwin Welcome Packages —Sherrie Schurman Library— Jan Bigbee-Weesner Web Site— Lee Schurman Treasurer 2014—Lisa Leanard—lisaleanard@sbcglobal.net Snacks—Susan Archer – ainasusan@yahoo.com Group Facilitators - Sherrie Schurman , Albert Tapia, Robin Conner, Lisa Leanard, Annette Mennen Baldwin, Jan Bigbee-Weesner, Melinda Ginter Chapter Leaders—Melinda & Glen Ginter

Join Our Chapter E-Mail List

Join our chapter e-mail list to re-ceive timely notices, writings, articles, special information and more. This is an important communication tool throughout the month for our mem-bers. To join, send an email to: tcfkaty.messages@gmail.com

National TCF Contact

Information TCF National Office P.O. Box 3696 Oak Brook, IL 60522 Toll Free: (877) 969-0010 www.compassionatefriends.org Annette Mennen Baldwin Regional Coordinator Southern Texas

Our Children Remembered Birthdays January 1 Sean Kevin Mendoza, son of Mary Mendoza January 5 Tyler Herbst, son of Steve & Kathy Herbst January 9 Jared Matthew Sanchez, son of Joseph & Melinda Sanchez January 9 Kyle James Snyder, son of Lori Snyder January 12 Karen Reding, daughter of Laura & Henry Reding January 13 Mark Moellendorf, son of Don Cagle January 14 Ronald Howard McCall, son of Jeri Esmi January 14 Tyler Ray Richard, son of Veronica Malhiot January 16 Kerri Krieg, daughter of Sandra & Tom Krieg January 18 Judah Lyon Sanjur, son of Tiffany & Emiliano Sanjur January 19 Justin Richard Clinton, son of Robin Clinton January 24 Brittany LeeAnn Lewis, daughter of Lisa & Mike Atkinson January 25 Anthony Joseph Leanard, son of Larry & Lisa Leanard January 28 Brandi Leigh Rushing, daughter of Tracy & Kim McCarty January 30 Johnny “Bryan” Hoover, Jr., son of Bonnie Guillot January 31 Jason Kyle Reph, son of Kristin Kennedy

Anniversaries January 2013 1 Year Jerad Matthew Whitten, son of Ethel McTigue January 2013 1 Year Tristen Luis Bartlett, son of Karen Lopez-Bartlett January 2010 4 Years Christopher Wayne Smith, son of Pamela Smith January 2010 4 Years Luis E. Molina, son of Dahlia Salinas Molina January 2008 6 Years Shannon Faye Hooker, daughter of Janis Hooker January 2007 7 Years Sarah Eileen Magri, daughter of Neal & Virginia Magri January 2009 5 Years Dustin Christopher Krause, son of Susan & Tony Krause January 2008 6 Years Eric J. Chavarria, son of Eric & Julia Chavarria

During your child’s birth month, you are invited to bring a special photograph or Keepsake of your Loved one to share with the group.

If you are unable to attend the meeting during your loved one’s birth month, please feel free to choose another month to share with us. If your child’s

birthday month was December, please bring a special Keepsake or photograph

We invite our chapter members of long-standing to attend a few meetings each year and reach out to our many newly be-reaved parents. We all remember our first meeting, our first year, our second year of grief. The biggest hope we found was in the apparent normalcy and transition from the deepest sadness that we saw in bereaved parents who were several years ahead on their grief journey. Your gentle presence will ease the hearts of our many newly bereaved parents. Please join us soon.

January 2014 Page 3

T

Printed in Loving

Memory Of Todd M. Mennen ! 1967-2002

!

Birthday Table

If your child’s birthday is in De-cember or January, please bring a pic-ture or memento to our January meeting to share with the group. In May and De-cember we ask that you bring your child’s pic-ture for the birthday table in the month before or after the actual event. We hold our balloon release in May and our Annual Candle Lighting Ceremony in December.

Loving Listeners…..Phone-A-Friend TCF Katy has established a phone-a-friend list for parents who want to talk with someone who shares a similar loss. If you would like to volun-teer to be a phone-a-friend, please contact Annette Baldwin. Loss of an Adult Child…..Annette (281) 578-9118 Only Child…...Annette (281) 578-9118 Murdered Child….. Robin (281) 851-5425 Neonatal Loss…….HAND (832) 752-1919 Death of Teenage Child……Joyce (281) 858-4551 or Brenda (281)804-7087 Accidental Death……..Annette (281) 578-9118 Death from long term illness…...Karen (832) 746-0279 Support for Fathers……..Albert (832) 885-4741 Special Needs Child……. Volunteer needed Suicide ...………..Sherrie (281) 579-7741

Compassionate Friends Webinars

As bereaved parents, we know that there are times when there are no words to describe the depths of our pain and devasta-tion. Especially during the holiday season, on birthdays and anniversa- ries and other special occasions, we seek an-swers, solace and peace. Check the Compassionate Friends website for on-going and new mate-rial at www.compassionatefriends.org, click on news and events, then search for Webinars. Upcoming we-binar events will be listed; some dates will be listed. When you see a webi-nar in which you would like to ac-tively participate, just click and regis-ter. There is also an archive of webi-nars for listening anytime.

New Year Brings Changes

Our January 14th meeting will address the many changes we know are coming in our lives as bereaved parents. We will change as our perception of our grief gradually eases from the raw, piercing pain of our initial loss to a modest ache which we carry deep inside. At each stage of these changes in our perspec-tive we make choices to actively engage our grief. A healthy grief journey is one of acknowledgement of the changes we are experiencing as the anger, frustration, anxiety, pain, depression and pure angst gradually subside and are replaced by other, more easily defined and directed emotions. We hope our newly bereaved parents will be able to join us for this meeting that explores the rapid pace of our change in our perception in the first and second years of our grief. We invite some of our more sea-soned bereaved parents to attend this meeting to offer insight into the nuances of their grief journey. If you are attending your first meeting in January, please try to ar-rive by 6:30 pm so that you can meet a member of our support commit-tee and become oriented to the nature of our meetings and our chapter.

Submitted by Rosalind Turner, TCF, Katy In memory of my son, Nicholas Roland Kaschik

Make The Call

If you feeling yourself getting unduly depressed, overwhelmed or a bit snappy with others during the holiday season, pick up your phone and call one of the people on our Phone-A-Friend list. It matters not if the individual lost their child in the same that you lost yours. We’re all bereaved parents. We know the heartbreak of this season, and you will feel better after you’ve talked to someone.

Special Small Group Meetings For Parents Whose Child

Was Lost to Suicide The Katy Chapter of TCF has a

unique program for parents whose children died from suicide. All par-ents attend the opening of our meet-ing each month and then adjourn to their own private meeting for the re-mainder of the meeting. Death from suicide usu-ally requires addi-tional and unique group dynamics. This program is offered only to parents who have lost children to suicide.

January 2014 Page 4

Remembering Nic It is difficult to believe that our son, Nicolas Wade Dlouhy (23 years old) went to Heaven four years ago as of 1-7-10. He is buried at Katy Magnolia Cemetery. I wrote a poem on the top of Nic’s visitors’ bench, and I am sharing it with you.

The Angels

The stars in the heavens that twinkle at night, Are all of God's Angels showing us their light.

The Angels watch over us from their place up above, Proving God's grace, peace, and mercy but most of all...love.

I hope this message brings all of your families a little bit of comfort and peace.

Blessings to all of you from our family. Carol Fox (formerly, Carol Dlouhy)

In memory of Nic Dlouhy

Lessons About Hope Some of you may recall Cindy and Lloyd Dunlap who were with our Compassionate Friends chapter. They moved to Oklahoma about a year ago. They lost their son Christopher in 2010. Lloyd wrote a book about Chris’ forty-two personal Life Lessons or pre-cepts they discovered on his computer after he died. The book is available to the Chapter. Here is one of his Life Lessons about hope for the future: Chris: Seeking something that seems impossible must take persistence and the desire to not give up even if it seems in-credibly foolish and is. Chris never did anything half-heartedly. He believed you could have anything in life as long as you were patient and gave all your effort to succeed. Chris’s dream was to be a doctor in a third world country to help the people who could not care for themselves. To Chris, and many others, it seemed impossible in many ways. It seemed impossible to be able to get the funds to go to school, to get a high enough score on his medical school entrance exams (MCAT) and get accepted into medical school. But Chris was a fighter. He dreamed his dream and he worked tirelessly for it. With this Life Lesson, maybe even Chris thought his dream was foolish. He added the last phrase: “incredibility foolish and is”. But becoming a doctor was his dream. No matter what “cards he was dealt”, he demonstrated he was not going to give up. He was go-ing to succeed. And enough people surrounded him to keep him moving towards his dream. Most of us have never experienced the same types of hardships and sufferings Chris did. Hopefully, we never will. But one thing we have learned: persevering through these types of hardships and difficulties produces a stronger character in us. No one likes the pain and suffering that goes along with hardships and difficulties. But what we have learned is with all the pain we have gone through since Chris died, it has made us stronger. We now have a desire to help others who are hurting. We now desire to come alongside someone who has lost a loved one or help the poor and destitute in a third world country to find a clean source of water to drink. Character is the way we show to others what we are made of and how we cope with the difficult times. Since Chris died, one of our favorite poems is one written by Dora Greenwell. She wrote this poem in the 1800’s. Aaron Shust used this poem for much of his lyrics to a modern-day song called “My Savior My God”. The words that comfort us the most are the first four lines of the poem:

I am not skilled to understand What God has willed, what God has planned

I only know at His right hand Stands one who is my Savior

Lloyd and Cindy Dunlap

In memory of Chris Dunlap

We Didn’t Say Good Bye

You never said I'm leaving, You never kissed me bye,

You were gone before I knew it And only God knew why.

A million times I needed you, A million times I cried,

If love alone could have saved you, You never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly, In death I love you more,

In my heart you hold a place That no one can ever fill.

It broke my heart to lose you,

But you didn't go alone, A part of me went with you

The day God called you home.

Christian Memorial Poem Submitted by Ethel McTeague

In memory of my son, Jerad Matthew Whitten

TCF, Katy TX

Remember Our Loving Listeners List If the holidays overwhelm you, and you feel you need to talk with someone, please check our Phone-A-Friend list on page two of this newsletter. You will find a member of our support team who will talk with you and help you discover things you can do to help you and your family.

Check Out Our Library Our TCF library has many books, tapes, CDs and DVDs for our members. Each one has been carefully selected by a member of our TCF Chapter. The library is available for browsing be-fore, during and after our monthly meeting. Check-out is a snap. We encourage our members to use this wonderful resource. There is much from which to choose; check it out at the next meeting.

“I guess by now I should know enough about loss to realize that you never stop missing someone-you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their ab-sence.” ~Alyson Nole, Evermore

January 2014 Page 5

Bo’s Place Now Open In Katy

The Katy Bo’s Place program currently meets on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday of each month near Highland Knolls and S. Fry. The group consists of families with children between the ages of 5 and 18 who have ex-perienced the death of a child or parent. However, the Katy program is currently full. We have space available at the Houston lo-cation for immediate needs. We are building a waiting list of families interested in the Katy group and are looking into finding a larger space so that we can accommodate more families. If you know of a family who is interested in joining the group, here is more informa-tion about the process. The first step for families to join is to call our main number (713-942-8339) and talk to a member of our program staff for a phone interview. This phone interview usually takes 20 to 30 min-utes. After the phone interview families are sent an application and schedule an appoint-ment to attend a New Family Orientation. After attending a New Family Orientation and turning in an application they are placed in a group.

Grief to Greatness Website Several of our members read this website daily. The message is transition to hope af-ter the death of a loved one: http://grieftogreatness.com/index.html

In Memory of our Beloved Children Memorials Given by: In Loving Memory of:

Robin Conner Christopher & Dawn Wilson Lee & Sherrie Schurman Sandra Schurman Marietta Maxfield John Robert Ginter, II Lisa & Larry Leanard Anthony Joseph Leanard Annemarie Hanley Jo Anna Hanley Patti Hilton Erik Emmanuel Castillo Anna Apanel Teresa Johnson Mary Mendoza Sean Kevin Mendoza Albert & Valerie Tapia Nicholas Tapia Sal & Delia Granado Gabriel Granado The Bell Family Melvin “Papa” Bell, Jr. Tedri Pyle “Bo” Mark Bean, Jr. Sherry & James Cattan Ty Wilson Les & Andrea Heard Chris Heard

Thank you for your donation to The Compassionate Friends, Katy, TX Chapter

Our chapter is operated entirely by volunteers dedicated to furthering the work of TCF. Your voluntary, tax deductible donations honor your loved one in a meaningful way by enabling us to print and mail this Newsletter and meet other expenses involved in reaching out to other grieving families. Donations along with the name of the person being honored may be sent to: Lisa Leanard 13814 Wheatbridge Drive Houston, TX 77041

Resources Available to Our Members

Resources of all types are available to our members. We include these in the monthly newsletter and strongly recommend that, in addition to Compassionate Friends, newly bereaved parents avail them-selves of one or more of the many re-treats, programs, etc., that are avail-able in the Houston area. If you know of a special resource, please let Annette Baldwin know about it so that it can be included in our monthly newsletter. This information could be very valuable to one or more of our members.!

Grief Share Available In Katy/Houston Area

The Grief Share Program, a 13 week Bible based grief presentation, is offered in many churches throughout the Houston and Katy area. There are thousands of GriefShare grief recovery support groups meeting throughout the US, Canada and in over 10 other coun-tries. To find a Grief Share program near you, simply go to griefshare.org and type your zip code into the space provided on the home page. Grief Share programs are starting in January 2014. Register now!

Upcoming Retreats Offer Opportunity For Healing and Perspective

There will be several different types of Retreats for parents in the next few months. We highly recommend that you avail your-self of at least one of these opportunities. Project Joy and Hope of Texas will be hosting Tapestry: A Mother’s Retreat on February 7-9, 2014. The event will be held at the South Shore Harbor and Conference Center in League city, Texas. All meals, lodging, programming and materials are in-cluded. This is an excellent Retreat; many of the bereaved moth-ers in our chapter of Compassionate Friends have attended and the feedback has been very positive. I attended this retreat in 2008, and it definitely marked a turning point in my grief journey. The cost for the retreat is $195. This is all inclusive. Scholarships are available for those who cannot justify the expense at this time. For more information, contact Project Joy and Hope, 713 944 6569 or 1 866 JOYHOPE, or email joyandhope@aol.com. The program is limited to 24 mothers. Brochures and enrollment forms will be available at our January, 2014, meeting. We urge each of our mothers who are at least six months into their grief to seriously consider attending this wonderful retreat. A Christian retreat for bereaved parents is being offered by Ha-ven of Hope on March 21-23, 2014, in Round Top, Texas. More information will become available on this retreat later in January. For our bereaved Christian parents, this Retreat could provide much comfort. Hospice of Galveston is offering a retreat within the next six months for bereaved mothers. These are usually one day retreats held somewhere in the Galveston area. The stated purpose of the Hospice outreach is “to provide an environment that supports the healing process of each mother’s bereavement journey. Respect for the process, and the individual, is our foundational principle. Guided by love, with gentleness as our watchword, our focus is to provide a flexible structure that nurtures us as we move forward. While we recognize healing is an inward journey, collectively we support one another as we walk the path together.” No matter which retreat you select, we encourage and support you as you search for new grief tools to help you on your lifelong grief journey. The Haven of Hope Retreat and the Hospice Re-treat are especially good for the newly bereaved who feel lost, iso-lated and broken following the death of their children. We have all felt these same emotions, experienced the life changing dynamic and sought the help of those who offer us the hope of serenity and peace. You need not walk alone. Annette Mennen Baldwin

TCF, Katy, TX

The Compassionate Friends Katy Chapter P.O. Box 45 Barker TX 77413 Return Service Requested

Meeting: Tuesday, January 14, 2014 Topic: A New Year of Changes If this is your first meeting, please arrive by 6:30 PM

January 2014 Page 6

Hope In the New Year

The New Year’s Resolution has faded in popularity, but it once meant an opportu-nity for a “clean slate” where we each could redefine ourselves: throwing out the bad, bringing in the good. We would strive to learn more, do more, reach out, reach in, shed bad habits, add good habits. Many people still practice this…..witness the upswing in health club memberships after the holiday season. The new year is the blank slate: tabula rasa. As bereaved parents, we know there is no “blank slate.” We know, also, that we travel slowly, hesitantly and with much care on our grief journey. The new year presents an opportunity to continue our search for that most ethereal longing: the need for hope. Hope for bereaved parents can be something as simple as a “normal” day. Hope could be an afternoon filled with productivity, grace and gratitude. Hope might be a feeling of a fog lifting, a soft light shining. Hope is a positive emotion that can give parents a re-freshed perspective, a sense of optimism for this day and the next. Grief work, though hard work, is some-thing we must do. We must structure our lives, our thoughts and our dreams as we each move along this uncharted pathway that is now our lives. Yes, we ache for our children. But our subconscious mind even-tually accepts that we will take our children into the future in our minds, our hearts and souls. We define our new reality loosely be-cause it changes with each sunrise. Like the caterpillar who labors to develop its wings and become a butterfly, we are constantly laboring to accept our new reality and make changes in our perspective while simultane-ously coping with the tremendous pain of unchangeable loss. As we engage and em-brace this process of acceptance and change, and do the hard work of reaching out for help, refining our lifestyles, speaking clearly and honestly of our feelings and what we can and cannot tolerate at each stage in our grief, we begin to develop strength. Like the butterfly whose wings develop after much labor, our new reality gradually becomes more natural to us. And just as the butter-fly’s fragile wings gently lift it from flower to flower, the seed of hope blossoms and grows in our hearts.

Annette Mennen Baldwin

In memory of my son, Todd Mennen

TCF, Katy, TX

Happy Birthday Karen – 1/12/2014

We thought of you today, but that is nothing new.

We thought of you yesterday and will tomorrow too.

We think of you in silence and make no awkward show,

For what it meant to lose you, only those who love you know.

Remembering you is easy, we do it everyday.

It’s the heartache of losing you that will never go away.

Another birthday has passed without having you here,

On that special day in 1975 when you arrived Number #1 of 2

I never imagined my life years later would be so dark and blue

I miss your laughter, your voice, your brilliant smile or just being near

Your boys, Jordan and Dylan, have grown with each passing year

Reminding us of you each in their own special way.

I know your dreams never materialized in the way you had hoped

But my sweet daughter, the impact you had on others is how I cope

Reminiscing, I remember you always standing out in dance or piano – never knowing why Always meeting people with a smile -

not a day you were ever shy But your new home, Heaven, knows what an angel

it has with your sweetness and charm. When I look to the heavens on this day,

I will give thanks for having you in my life And although your life was not easy,

your life to me was a blessing. How grateful I am of the love

you bestowed on me. So, My precious daughter, Karen,

On this day, January 12th, I am sure you will be

Dancing with the Angels on Heaven’s gold-lined streets.

Your memory I will always treasure. You are loved beyond words And missed beyond measure.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl “A”. Mom and Dad

In memory of Karen Reding Laura & Henry Reding

TCF, Katy, TX

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” ~Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie