Overcoming Career Indecisiveness

• A WORKSHOP FOR LAWYERS ABOUT CAREER DECISION MAKING

What causes Indecisiveness?

• “Waiting for something to come up”-this is a passive approach-nothing will come up-you must be proactive

• “Looking for the perfect option”-perfectionism is a neurosis not a desirable belief-it will result in endless procrastination

• “Fear of change-this will look bad on my resume” change is normal and necessary in a legal career especially in the first few years

What causes Indecisiveness?

• “Living in potential”-having a number of options but not following up on any of them

• “Hoping it will get better over time”-frustration, disappointment and anger is the universe telling you a change is needed-getting used to suffering is not helpful

• “Hoping for a blinding flash of inspiration”-this happens in movies not real life-you will find out buy doing some inner work and taking action

• “Over thinking the Situation”-many lawyers think that if they think about it enough an answer will appear-you need to act your way into a new way of thinking not think your way into a new way of acting

• The best way to learn about a new career or practicing a different type of law is to talk to people already doing it

“Too bad to stay but too good to leave”

• If you are in this situation a real decision has to be made-not a pseudo decision

• Many people have a hard time making decisions

• Obsessing and ruminating are 1.symptoms of poor decision making ability 2.trying to think your way out of the situation 3. ways of avoiding fear and risk 4. looking for the perfect decision5 hoping to avoid consequences of your decision

Real Decisions

• Translate thought into decisive action

• Break through inhibition and paralysis

• Success is directly proportional to the willingness to make decisions

• Chronic procrastination is a result of abdication of decision-making

Abdication

• Will severely limit accomplishment in any area of our lives

• i.e.-indecision about career change-fear of change vs. value of change

• Results in a deadening of self• Parts of ourselves are unavailable

to be felt, reached, or used

Real Decisions

• A free,unconditional,total and personal commitment to a choice or option

• Involve logic and feelings• A full commitment to one road

only• Enhance self esteem• Increase self confidence

Pseudodecisions

• Appear to be a decision but are not

• Paralysis, undermining commitment and avoiding con flicting feelings are all forms of indecision

• Procrastination is often really a form of indecisiveness

• Ambivalence-”waiting for something to turn up” or" no choice is quite right”

Pseudecisions-2

• Impulse Moves• Letting someone else decide• Rebellious Decisions• One foot in - One foot out• Ruminating about the past

Decision Exercise

• Write 3 decisions you have recently made that feel like “real” decisions to you

• Write 3 decisions you need to make, but are having trouble with.

• What do you believe is getting in the way of making these decisions?

• Think- Pair -Share

Decision Blockers

1. Losing touch with feelings2. Resignation-avoiding anxiety3. Confused or absence of,

priorities4. Poor self esteem5. Hopelessness/Depression6. Unrealistic self image7. Self Erasing/obsessive need to

be liked8. Perfectionism-common with

Lawyers

Decision Blockers-2

1. Wanting it all-Malignant belief that if you make no choice you will have a chance to have it all

2. Illustration-A 4 year old in a Toy Store-You can have 1 toy!

3. All decisions involve some form of payment-i.e.... discarded choices

Decision Blockers-3

1. Something better will come along

2. Fear of self hate due to a bad choice-need to be right

3. Coulda,Woulda,Shoulda-berating the self

4. Option Blindness5. Time pressure distortion6. Impaired judgment

The Big Fact

• In very few instances is one decision actually better than another

• The substance of the decision is less important than the process

• A choice works by reason of the amount of investment and energy put into it by decision maker

• The decision maker makes or breaks the decision according to the strength or weakness of the commitment and loyalty to the choice

• Decision failure is really a lack of dedicated commitment to the choice

Priorities

• The position of life’s issues on our personal scale of importance

• Tell us about our values• Being out of touch with our

priorities results in chaotic decisions

• Some priorities are not fully conscious

• Honesty with self is critical here• Priority exercise

Eight Stages of Decision Making

1.Listing and observing all the possibilities, options or choices

-not a time for judgment -perfectionism is dangerous here2.Sustaining a free flow of feelings

and thoughts about each of the possible choices

3.Observing thoughts and feelings about each of the options and applying those feelings

Eight Stages of Decision Making-2

4.Relating choices to established priorities

-i.e. buying a car-money,ownership,prestige,aesthetics,comfort,integrety,peace of mind etc.

5.Designating one choice; Discarding those not chosen

-will “feel right” -tough part is letting go of other

choices

Eight Stages of Decision Making-3

6.Registering the decision -dangerous stage for obsessive ruminator7.Investing the decision with committed

feelings,thoughts,time and energy. -Must absoposativamalutely let go of

nonchosen options8.Translating the decision into optimistic

action -must invest loyalty and optimism about

the decision

Decision Success

• Know your priorities• Establishing realistic goals and

expectations• Knowing there is always a price

to pay• Recognizing major personal

assets• Knowing and exploring your

proclivities• Getting over fear of rejection and

failure

Decision Success-2

• Leaving- is non involving/Going to- is involving the self

• Conditions are always imperfect• Moods make a difference • Accepting some ambivalence• Accepting some insecurity and

anxiety• Interest comes after involvement• Integrated concentration

Decision Success-3

• Profiting from other peoples experience and help

• Delegating responsibility• Effective use of time• Insight,motivation,discipline• Postponement of gratification• Value of struggle