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DISCLAIMER
All the information, techniques, skills and concepts contained within this publication are of the nature of general comment only and are not in any way recommended as individual advice. The intent is to offer a variety of information to provide a wider range of choices now and in the future, recognising that we all have widely diverse circumstances and viewpoints. Should any reader choose to make use of the information contained herein, this is their decision, and the contributors (and their companies), authors and publishers do not assume any responsibilities whatsoever under any condition or circumstances. It is recommended that the reader obtain their own independent advice.
First Edition 2010
Copyright © 2010 by Annie Stoker.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission from the publisher.
National Library of AustraliaCataloguing-in-Publication entry:
Annie StokerThe Personal Development HandbookThe Secret to Success, Happiness and Personal Freedom
1st ed.ISBN: 978-1-921630-31-6 (pbk.)
Published by Global Publishing GroupPO Box 517 Mt Evelyn, Victoria 3796 [email protected]
For Further information about orders:Phone: +61 3 97361156 or Fax +61 3 86486871
Personal development is the single most important activity that any of us will ever undergo. Without it you are living in a trance, on automatic. With it you can become a fully conscious being.
Being fully conscious means you will live your life as it was designed to be lived. None of us were created to be only consumers, spending our lives shopping and paying the mortgage. These activities require less than 1% of your potential.
So it’s no wonder that all of us, in the quiet moments with ourselves, wonder what else there could be to life. Is this it? Is this all there is? Where has our natural power gone? Why, as the most highly evolved species on the planet, aren’t our lives much more fulfilling?
You were born to be something far more than you ever imagined possible, and the wisest of all find out what this is.
If you search into all the works of the greatest minds that have ever lived, you will find there is one consistent teaching, one vital piece of information.
It is, of course, to ‘Know Thyself’. This was emblazoned above the gates of all the mystery schools of ancient times. Why would those great teachers have done this? Obviously because there was something essential for everyone to know, that exists within themselves.
Foreword
Foreword
The way our society is formed at present causes us to focus our attention entirely on the outside world. We now live in the age of screens, where, from school onwards, our eyes are glued to panels of flickering light that can transport us all over the planet and into every subject that might catch our interest.
Apart from the re-moulding of the brain this is likely to cause, with unknown consequences for the future of the race, it also takes us away from the other 99% of life, as well as our own untouched potentials.
When you begin the journey of personal development, you will soon be stunned by the unexpected jewels you have living within yourself. You will also become aware of the dross and limitations, but, as these make up only a small part of your being, you will soon move beyond them.
We are all travelling through time, and time waits for none of us. Personal development offers the best rewards in life, as well as the most adventurous experiences. It will take you to a vast range of experiences and help you to enjoy them to the full.
Annie Stoker, the author of this book, has spent her adult life studying the various paths of personal development, both in the academic world and the alternative methodologies. I have known her for more than ten years. Her intelligence,
integrity, commitment and persistence with the work are second to none.
She has written a book that explores a whole range of subjects that will help you to know yourself, as well as give you a range of techniques you can use in your daily life. Read it carefully, it could save you years and open up a whole new world of possibilities.
Michael Domeyko Rowland, January 2010Author of Absolute HappinessProducer/Writer/Director/Actor of Being in Heaven
Testimonials
This is a book that can change your life. It can uplift and inspire you, as well help you to make the improvements you want. To make changes, it is necessary to know how you have been set up to be who you are and what exactly you need to do, so you can move forward in your life. Annie Stoker’s Personal Development Handbook gives you both. It is thoroughly researched, the subject is completely explained, it is filled with methods you can apply, and is laid out in a step-by-step way. Save yourself a decade! Michael Domeyko Rowland, Author of Absolute HappinessProducer/Writer/Director/Actor of Being in Heaven
It is so important in this age devoted to shopping and exotic excitements that we are offered a book that can lead us onto a more enduring and meaningful path. In these times of uncertainty only the inner journey offers a haven for the soul. The Personal Development Handbook is a book for our times. John James PhDAuthor of Notes to Transformation and The Great Field.
I’ve always been impressed by Annie’s strong commitment to her path of personal growth. Over the years she has developed a tremendous knowledge and experience in a broad variety of personal development techniques, which include Voice Dialogue, meditation and other spiritual practices, holistic health and healing. Annie has distilled her understanding into a clear, easy to read and practical guide. Dr John Coroneos MB BS Hons (UNSW) Sydney, AustraliaMedical Doctor and Producer of The Voice Dialogue DVD/CD Series
“The Personal Development Handbook provides an incisive, clear path through the endless self help arena. It’s the user’s manual you wish you were born with! Don’t miss a word- your happiness may depend on it”Dr Joanna Martin, Founder of Shift Enterprises
The Personal Development Handbook is a fantastic guide for anyone serious about wanting to create more success, wealth, and happiness in their life.Darren StephensBest selling Author of The 10 Day Turnaround.
Table of Contents
Introduction 19 PART ONE ‒ Clear Mind 23
Chapter 1 - Who are you? 3Why Do Personal Development Anyway? 3Happiness 6Psychological happiness 7Depression 11Where does happiness come from? 12So Who Are You? 14Roles, Reactions and Rhetoric 16The Ego - The Voices In Your Head 18The Structure of the Ego 18Identification 19Thoughts 20Cogito Ergo Sum 20Consciousness 21
Chapter 2 - The Anatomy of Suffering 23Desire 24Aversion 27Acceptance 31Attachment or Preference? 32Judgements 33It has Nothing to Do with You 34Feedback 35Comparison 36Generalisation 37Your abilities are not personal 39
Chapter 3 - The Mind Makes a Terrible 43 Master But a Great SlaveNegative Beliefs 43Filters 44How to change negative beliefs 47Neuro-Linguistic Programming 47Emotional Freedom Technique 48Affirmations 4822x11 50The Work of Byron Katie 50Mindfulness Training 51
Chapter 4 - Experience Without Labels 55Is thought really necessary? 55Observing the monkey mind 56Observing reality 57Body Awareness 59Breath Awareness 61Impermanence 62
PART TWO - Open Heart 67
Chapter 1 - Getting Emotional 69So what are emotions anyway? 69Feel the Feeling 70Feelings don’t mean anything 71
Chapter 2 - Emotional Allergies 73Do you like what you feel? 73How do you feel about what you feel? 74Emotional Allergies 75
Table of Contents
Emotions are on the hard drive 79Acceptance 81Flavours 81Mindfulness 82
Chapter 3 - Clearing Emotions 85Where do they come from anyway? 85Active Clearing Techniques 87Active Meditation 88Art Therapy 88Counselling 88Deep tissue massage/Rolfing 88Emotional Freedom Technique 88Hypnotherapy 89Kinesiology 89Neuro-linguistic programming 89Rebirthing 90Passive Clearing Techniques 90Meditation 91Acceptance 91
Chapter 4 - Emotional Intelligence 93The Integrated Approach 93Active 93Passive 94Why feelings are there in the first place 95Emotional Responsibility 96Emotional Maturity 98
Chapter 5 - What’s really driving you? 103Why do you do it? 103Defence systems 104
PART THREE ‒ Full Expression 107
Chapter 1 - The Voices in Your Head 109Psychology of Selves 109Why do we develop Primary Selves? 111Disowned Selves 114Psychology of the Aware Ego 116
Chapter 2 - Voice Dialogue 119Voice Dialogue Facilitation 119Adaptation Programmes 121
Chapter 3 ‒ Relationships 123Sub-personalities in Relationships 123Judgement 124Relationship as teacher 126
Chapter 4 - Full Expression 129Are you being all that you are? 130What else are you? 131
Chapter 5 - Transcending the Ego 133The Ego 133The Quantum nature of reality 137Awakening to your true nature 139Self- enquiry 142Finding ‘YOU’ 143The Gift of Presence 144Satsang 146Ultimate Freedom 148The Fire of Transformation 149Love ‒ The Ultimate Truth 150
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Introduction
!e Personal Development Handbook
Ebbing universal tideOn currents of love we glide
From birth to worlds of death we chase …Calling it the Human Race
- Annie Stoker
IntroductionThe original idea for this book was a response to the lengthy and torturous cry from my soul for all the information I should have been taught growing up. Rather than algebra, Latin and ancient history, what would have served me best for the rest of my life would have been knowledge about the one thing I was going to have to master most ‒ ME! But nobody told me a thing.
I got information on everything from geography to biology, from sport to exam techniques. Even knowledge on how to change a light bulb or do a tax return would have been more useful. But not a thing on how to live with me - on what that incessant chatter in my head was all about, or what to do with all those feelings, or how not to be unhappy or maybe even how to get what I wanted. It’s not that anyone
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was negligent; it’s just that they didn’t know either! No one told them, so their inner workings and the results of their life were just as mysterious as mine were.
I was 18 years old before I heard someone make an offhand comment about their plans to be permanently happy. I nearly fell off my chair. It had never occurred to me that I was supposed to be happy. Not once. I had certainly never been told that. I didn’t see many grown ups around me being that happy and no one had bothered to mention it. I thought life was to be put up with, at best, and suffered through, at worst.
This conclusion seemed to be proven correct a few years later, however, when at 21 years old I had my visas and bags packed for a one year around the world trip with a friend, only to become very ill after getting seven travel inoculations in one day.
As a result I spent two years in bed and was often so weak that I could not even lift my arm to brush my hair and it felt like too much effort just to breathe. It took another seven years after that to fully recover.
However, it was during that time that I found ways through the disappointment and depression that I felt at the beginning of my illness. While all my friends were off partying and travelling, I discovered that through changing my mindset, peace and happiness could be found no matter what was going on in life.
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Introduction
Since then I have not only had an amazing journey exploring the depths of my own existence but also that of countless others. In my years of working with depressed, anxious, stuck, unfulfilled, sad, lonely or just curious people from all walks of life, it has become strikingly obvious to me though that people really don’t know the cause of their unhappiness. They also haven’t known the cause of happiness or how to get there. They simply haven’t looked in the right place.
We are all the products of this modern, fast paced, materialistic society that sells instant gratification and perfect dreams. For those that get into general personal development they often get sold ways in which to make even bigger and brighter goals and learn how to manifest themselves silly. We get taught that we should have perfect relationships, great health, financial freedom, be passionate about our careers and feel continuously happy. Great - that would be a lovely outcome. It’s just that no one seems to look at why he or she wants those things and what happens if they don’t eventuate.
This book is not another ‘let’s make it all okay’ effort. It’s about finding truth. And that’s not always as pretty as one might think. If I told you that for the vast majority of people their goals are simply the results of their fears and are not conscious choices at all, would you like it? Would you want to know that right now as you are reading this, that you have programmes running you that you are not even aware of, which are determining your responses to these
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very words? Would you appreciate me telling you that it will be almost impossible for you to create your ideal life no matter how many years you try for if you don’t look inside yourself first?
You see wherever you go, whatever you do; you can’t get away from yourself. All you really have that can’t be taken away is your experience. So doesn’t it make sense to know the one person that you will spend every minute of your life with inside out? With a little investigation you will probably find that you are far more than you ever thought you were.
So here is your handbook to that experience. Be ready for some brutal honesty and some heartfelt investigation that could set you free from the very thing that has been causing all your problems. You!
P!r" On# Clear Mind
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Ch!pt$r 1Wh% !r# &'(?
Abd Er-Rahman III of Spain:I have now reigned about 50 years in victory or peace, beloved by my subjects, dreaded by my enemies, and
respected by my allies. Riches and honours, power and pleasure, have waited on my call, nor does any earthly blessing appear to have been wanting to my felicity. In this situation, I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness, which have fallen to my
lot. !ey amount to fourteen. (960 C.E.)
Why Do Personal Development Anyway?
Let’s deal with this point first up. There are some people that think personal development is self-indulgent navel gazing. For others it becomes a way of life. I would like to propose a straight forward working definition of personal development as simply being an increase in consciousness or awareness of oneself. Why would this be important? Well let’s face it; you are stuck with you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week for the rest of your life. In reality you are all you really have, or to put a finer point on it, your
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experience is all you actually have. Now if you don’t like something about you, the way you look, the way you think, feel, act, the results that you get in life or the situations you find yourself in, that’s bad news because that experience is all you have.
I have never met an unhappy person who wasn’t actually suffering from himself. Even though you might tell stories
about the terrible things that are happening to you, in reality the problem is simply that you don’t like something about your experience. If you are unhappy about an event, it is because you are having a negative mental and emotional response to your experience, not just because of the events themselves. Therefore it
would seem very sensible to know how your experience is structured, so that you understand how you create these reactions. That is all personal development is - a study of you and how you really tick so that you can make improvements and discover a happier way of being.
If I can say that some form of introspection is not only advisable but also essential, I am not biased or exaggerating. If you are suffering it is simply about you. It’s your suffering; therefore you need to look at you, not just around you. There is a huge amount of suffering in this world as well as exquisite beauty and if you understand what constitutes
“Personal development is a study of you and how you
really tick so that you can make
improvements.”
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this suffering then you have the chance to change it not only for yourself, but also for others. It is not possible to change anything that you’re not aware of, so awareness of oneself is always the first step to transformation.
Personal development is simply the study of the most important person in your life - YOU. You are the one that’s actually doing all of it - the one that’s having this life. Once you know how your inner workings actually function, then you can make changes and create different results in all areas of your life. However, there is a deeper challenge hidden inside most personal development and that is the possibility of true personal freedom.
You see the real result of personal development is that you develop into a fully-grown human being with a clear mind and open heart whilst being fully expressed. Self growth processes are not supposed to be just about clearing your past or making you feel better, but about finding a doorway to a truth that will change your world forever. I am talking about finding out your true identity, rather than just playing around on the surface rearranging the moving parts. True transformation is not just about feeling happy or having a brighter, shinier life. It is a radical discontinuation of identifying with all that you thought you were and the opening up of a new experience past the past.
So if you want a new washing machine, or to be slimmer, or have more money or be happier, I won’t be telling you how to get them in this book, so don’t be disappointed. You
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might get them as a by-product, however, the real goal of this book is for you to be fine whether you get them or not. In other words, to discover peace and contentment no matter what life brings to you, or takes away.
Happiness
Psychological research shows us that, in a manner similar to the homeostatic maintenance of blood pressure or temperature, subjective wellbeing is actively controlled and maintained by a set of psychological devices including “a sense of control and positive cognitive biases” i.e. a positive mindset (Cummins, 2000, p.61). Cummins notes that after analysis of the question “How satisfied are you with your life as a whole?” it seems that subjective wellbeing is remarkably stable. He says that, “while unusually good or bad events will cause it to change in the short term, over a period of time the psychological devices will return this non-specific satisfaction with life to its previous level”. At a population level within Western nations, the average well-being score is 75 on a 0-100 scale. In empirical studies, Headey and Wearing show that while negative life events tended to depress subjective wellbeing, the influence was usually short-term, such that people tended to recover their base-line levels some time later, even with such serious external life events as spinal injuries. They also found similarly that the positive increase in wellbeing produced by such encouraging events as winning a lottery was again only short lived and that homeostatic control brought
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their levels to the original mean over time. It could also be extrapolated from these findings that the psyche therefore manifests the very level it will be comfortable with.
As Cummins says, “provided that the environmental conditions allow for full adaptation to occur, there will be little or no relationship between objective and subjective wellbeing. However, a sufficiently adverse environment can defeat this homeostatic system once the threshold for adaptation is exceeded, and the difficult objective circumstances of living begin to drive subjective quality of life down” (Cummins, 2003, p.163). It is at this point that people will seek an intervention to enable them to bring their level of wellbeing back up to its average 75%.
Similar to Abraham Maslow’s findings on the hierarchy of needs, the research shows that very few people are interested in learning how to achieve the last 25% of happiness. This could be said to be the difference in motivation between psychotherapy and spirituality. People will seek out a therapist when their average level of wellbeing drops, but they will seek out spiritual practices if they have a drive to experience the perfection of 100% wellbeing.
Psychological happiness
Most people seem to be content with ordinary happiness. Only 1% of the Australian population are interested in personal development and even less in spiritual practice.
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Maslow’s hierarchy of needs examines how healthy people will move through life, progressing onto the next level of need as the previous one is fulfilled. He identifies five levels, the first of which is about physical wellbeing. People are concerned first and foremost with having oxygen, food, water and shelter. The next level is to do with security, safety and bodily comfort. Then comes a desire for love, affection and belonging, in other words to escape loneliness and isolation. The fourth level has to do with competence, prestige and esteem, as we need to feel a high level of self- esteem to feel valuable and have competence over our environment. If this need is not met we feel inferior, helpless and worthless, which creates a need to accomplish. Most individuals do not get beyond this point.
The final level is self-actualisation. Maslow describes this “as a curiosity to know all that we can about the world and a demonstrated need to create, appreciate beauty and to have a fulfilling vocation”. His definition is confined to self-actualisation of the personality; seen in those people who “seem to be doing the best they are capable of doing”. He did, however, acknowledge what he called ‘peak experiences’, which he called a mystical experience involving “the oceanic feeling, the sense of a limitless horizon opening up to the vision”.
Maslow believed that these experiences are a by-product of the extra energy released from the greater health and higher level of vitality of those who had put the effort into struggling to evolve. The reward is that a feeling of
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transcendence produces for a person a glimpse of “the magnetic north of his existence - the source of his power, meaning and purpose inside himself”. However, as he describes, people only search for these highest levels when the preceding needs have been met. This can be depicted by a triangle, with a large number of people at the bottom concerned with basic survival and only a few at the top of the triangle going for self-actualisation and peak experiences.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs(original five-stage model)
Self-Actualisation
personal growth and fulfilment
Esteem Needsachievement, status, responsibility, reputation
Social Needsfamily, affection, relationships, work group, etc.
Safety Needsprotection, security, order, law, limits, stability, etc.
Physiological Needsbasic life needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc.
The vast majority of people strive to create their ideal life circumstances and in fact people often use personal development just to help them achieve their goals. The bizarre thing is that, as Sonja Lyubomirsky summarises, circumstances only contribute to 10% of our happiness scores. Fifty percent of our happiness is an inherited set point, while the remaining 40% is under our control through changing our mindset.
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So all those efforts to make more money, get fit, look more attractive, buy a bigger house, get the promotion, find the perfect partner, have children, take that holiday or improve one’s health will at best only increase happiness by 10%. How would the standard personal development industry survive that fact? It is so often all about improving your life situation. This book, however, will delve below these shiny objects to focus on the internal workings that will make up to a 40% difference to your happiness.
At best, improving your life situation will give you a rise in happiness, but only temporarily. This is due to what researchers call ‘hedonic adaptation’. This refers to the fact that we adapt to our environment very quickly and simply become used to it. If you buy a fabulous new car you may very well feel happier when you pick it up from the showroom. However, after driving it for a couple of weeks you get used to it and it just becomes ‘the car’.
Just as we adapt to new possessions, we also adapt to experiences in our bodies. Have you ever had a terrible pain and wished it would go, only to have it depart and find shortly afterwards that you had totally forgotten it was there? The happiness of the pain leaving only lasts a very short time. Whether it is an increase in wealth, health or general fortune, the happiness increase only lasts temporarily. Due to this process of adaptation, there will never be anything outside you that will make you continuously happy. You might feel happy for a while, but it just doesn’t happen permanently. However, the more conscious you become of
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your expectations and adaptations, the more you will be able to remain grateful and appreciative for the gifts of the present moment. That is why it is essential not just to understand the myths about happiness, but also to learn to look in the right place for it - which is inside you, not outside in some temporary situation.
Depression
It seems though that vast numbers of people don’t really know how to become happy. There is in fact a depression epidemic. The World Health Organisation predicts that by 2020 depression will affect 30% of all adults and be the second leading cause of mortality nationwide. More people are getting depressed from younger ages at far higher rates than even a few decades ago.
It seems that due to technological advances, the fracturing of the family unit and increased expectations (possibly due to the effect of television and the media’s preoccupation with perfection) that people feel more separate and unsupported than ever. Our culture is individualistic and supports personal achievement, often at the expense of family and community connection. Unlike the extended family groups and communities of the past and of indigenous cultures, we are increasingly on our own and unhappy about it. We spend so much time trying to achieve our external goals and don’t look after our basic needs for love and connection. The majority of people also
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don’t do personal development and so don’t understand the potential for happiness that is within them.
Where does happiness come from?
If happiness doesn’t come from our external situation, then what is it and where does it come from? If the hours, days, months and years that we put into improving our circumstances in order to be happier are misguided, then what should we be doing with our time?
Michael Domeyko Rowland, author of Absolute Happiness describes happiness as “a word that we use to describe feelings of pleasure, joy, excitement, fulfilment, satisfaction,
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and many other emotions which signify that we are filled with positive energy’. He defines ordinary happiness as something “which occurs when your life is going in the way you want it to. It is a result of clearing your mind of its various blockages. The removal of all negativity, the clearing of it from your personal mindset, allows you to enjoy a life of success, achievement, excellent relationships and fulfilment in every area of your daily experience”.
Absolute happiness, however, “is a deepening and increasing of ordinary happiness. It is your birthright and your natural state. It becomes deeper and richer every day. It really fills you with an indescribable joy, far beyond any ordinary level of pleasure and enjoyment”.
Happiness is a state that we all instinctively want - it isn’t just a feeling. It also makes us more sociable, energetic, more flexible, giving and better liked by others. This state is of course generated inside you, just as everything else that you experience happens inside you. Therefore it seems illogical to try to pursue it outside in the world. People tend to spend eight hours a day working towards the goals that they think will bring them happiness: one hour a day driving to the place where they think they will achieve the goals that will bring them happiness: one hour a day eating the things they think will make them happy: eight hours asleep dreaming of being happy... and not even one minute looking in the place where happiness actually is - inside them.
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How could it come from outside? Where from and how would it arrive? It is obviously going to be created in your body somehow. So if we can understand how emotions are generated and work with those causative factors then at least we have the right recipe for happiness. In fact you will see further into this book that happiness is actually our natural state and in order to increase it you really just need to stop being unhappy. Personal development should perhaps be thought of as the study of what makes us unhappy. Once you know how unhappiness happens, you can just stop doing it! The result is happiness that happens all by itself. Happiness isn’t something you can buy, find, travel to, deserve or consume. Happiness is living every minute in the spiritual experience of love, ease and gratitude.
In this handbook, we will be dissecting the various ways in which people create unhappiness to then expose their true happy nature underneath.
So Who Are You?
If we are going to examine the person in order to develop it, we had better be clear on what this person is.
So take a moment and write down who you are. How would you describe yourself to someone else? Be honest and write down exactly who you think you are.
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So what did you notice about your responses? You would have been describing your roles, for example, wife, manager, mother, son, dentist and so on, or your qualities, such as nice person, kind, good cook and so on. Now what are you actually describing with those attributes? Is it your behaviours, thoughts or feelings? Really they are simply labels that you put on parts of your experience. ‘Wife’ is a series of expectations or rules that you fulfil. ‘Manager’ again is a role that consists of a set of behaviours, thought patterns and emotional states that combine to create an identity. Similarly ‘nice person’ is a set of behaviours and values or thoughts that create a habitual presentation to the world. But you’re more than that, aren’t you? What else are you other than these labels? Can you see that the label can only point to you but isn’t who you really are?
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In fact, when you can see through the labels of how you describe yourself, there is only one thing left and that is your experience. What is this experience that you have? Well, it is sensory input: sight, sounds, taste, touch and smell. Every second your system is receiving two million bits of information from inside and outside your body, which is then filtered out so that you are aware of only 134 bits of information. These bits create what you are aware of out of everything that exists. For example, while you are walking down the road, you might be aware of your feet on the pavement and the bird sound, but you might be filtering out the details of the grass and the trees on the leaves, and the sheen of the varnish on the car passing you and the thousands of chemical reactions that your liver is performing every second. What you are left with is what you are consciously aware of ‒ simply the sensory input you are receiving. This is what your experience is of the external world. On the inside you are also aware of your thoughts and your emotional state. Together these create your experience of what you call ‘me’.
Roles, Reactions and Rhetoric
So what else do you identify with apart from your roles and the sensory input you receive from the world? Well most of us are heavily identified with
Our thoughts form the boundary conditions of our mind and it is impossible to think outside those limits
until we change them.
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the contents of our mind. We have hundreds of thoughts about ourselves and we believe most of them, which is unfortunate considering that for a lot of people they are negative. We also identify with our emotional reactions to events and we describe these feelings as being part of who we are, for example, I’m a shy person, a jealous person, a confident person and so on.
The mistake in thinking that these responses are categorically us is that they are often a result of our programming from the past. For example, if a small puppy runs up to you and you respond by shouting and raising your hand, the puppy will cry and run away. Next time you see the puppy it may come over to you a little slower and if you shout and raise your hand again the puppy will cry and run away. The third time you see the puppy, it may only walk slowly towards you and if you repeat the behaviour, the fourth time you see the puppy it won’t make any advances towards you, but will stay hiding.
We are just the same as the puppy - we have experiences that we feel hurt or scared about and will learn to withdraw from them. In later life if we encounter a similar situation the old programme kicks in and we withdraw even if as an adult there isn’t any real threat.
We believe these programmed reactions as being the original us, when it is only just a habit - a neurological pathway set up in trauma and repeated automatically. There was a time when we didn’t do that - and that is much
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closer to who we really are before we shut ourselves down. So much of our identity is just roles, reactions and the mind’s rhetoric that we believe to be true.
The Ego- The Voices In Your Head
Yes I did say, ‘voices’ in the plural, because there are a few of them in there aren’t there? Have you noticed different voices at different times? Have you even been tormented by them fighting? These are the different sub-personalities that make up your whole personality and we will be exploring these in detail later in this book. Suffice it to say that these voices are running your thoughts, feelings and behaviours without you even knowing they’re there.
As a whole these voices create the sense of “I”, which is the ego. When we finish the statement “I am...” we will be listing what our ego identifies with. As we are going to explore, we are actually way more than that. It is the ego that gets upset with things not being the way it wants. It is the ego that gets offended when someone doesn’t like you or believe you. Let’s have a closer look at what this thing called the ego is.
The Structure of the Ego
“Belief means not wanting to know what is true.”-Nietzsche
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Identification
We’ve just had a basic look at the things that the ego becomes identified with. Let’s examine them more closely.
Very simply, the ego likes to feel individual. It likes to feel that unique me is over here and you are over there. It lives in an experience of individualism and separation from the field of consciousness that contains all.
It not only likes to feel individual but must also feel special. Superiority is a hallmark of the ego that can be created based on any criteria it assesses as valuable. The ego just likes to be right and in doing so automatically makes someone else wrong. The ego loves this and will hang onto complaints and resentments that create strong self-righteousness that make it more solid.
The ego also loves to want things and then own them. It feels special when it has obtained something that is perceived to have value in society and somehow the ego makes owning an inanimate object give itself extra importance.
These symptoms of the ego show up its boundaries and structure and unfortunately describe many of society’s current preoccupations. The ego is found in the ‘I’ thought, which is the core of most of our thinking. Many of us suffer from self-obsession - thinking consistently about our problems and ourselves.
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Annie Stoker
www.PersonalDevelopmentHandbook.com
Thoughts
Thoughts themselves are simply the result of neurological activity, however, no scientist has ever been able to find one. We know they exist because we hear them in our head, but they don’t exist in a 3D form that can be examined. The main point to understand about thoughts is that they consist of labels and ideas that can only point to reality. A label doesn’t truly describe an object; it can’t give us a full experience of it. Even if we add descriptive words such as small, round and wooden it still doesn’t actually give us the item, or convey its whole reality. Think of the word ‘woman’ and how many myriad qualities, attributes and distinctions could be contained within a real woman. However, the word itself simply conveys a very basic shell.
Cogito Ergo Sum
The seventeenth century philosopher Descartes was made famous for his conclusion “Cogito ergo sum” or “I think, therefore I am”. This statement describes the results of his examinations into reality that state that the only certainty humans have is that because they think, they are alive. He failed, however, to answer the question what happens then when you’re not thinking? Do you cease to exist? Have you ever had moments without thought? But you survived them didn’t you? In fact we survive lots of experiences without thought - being asleep, being in a coma, being absorbed in a movie, being quiet or during meditation. For those
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Chapter 1 : Who are you?
people who have worked extensively with their minds, often through meditation practices, they are able to still the mind at will and can remain in this peaceful state for extended periods. Descartes’ conclusion would mean that they didn’t exist while being in this state, which of course they do.
Consciousness
What Descartes missed is that there is another level of consciousness above thought, which is aware that you are thinking. In the same way there is a consciousness that still exists when you are sleeping and can report your dreams in the morning, even though you were asleep. In the same way people in comas often report hearing conversations while they were unconscious and sometimes even having visual images of the room they were in and events that happened around them as though they were awake. People who do psychotherapeutic processes that include age regression also sometimes remember being aware while in the womb and can describe events and situations around them, even though there is no way that they could have seen them.
Clearly a young baby who is pre-language and pre-thought still exists, as do animals that can’t verbalise their experience. So “Cogito ergo sum” isn’t an accurate summation. We exist as much more than just thought and clearly have a constant consciousness.
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Annie Stoker
www.PersonalDevelopmentHandbook.com
This consciousness is an overarching life source that not only animates us, but also animates everything else that exists. It is the electricity that gives us life and that departs when we die. This consciousness is aware of thought but doesn’t use thought to describe it. When we say, “I’m hungry” we are using thought to describe the experience, but there is something that is aware that we are thinking it. This is the awareness that has been looking out of your eyes since you were born and is still there. This awareness is changeless and infinite and people who know this to be their true nature live in a peaceful state of universal connection. In this experience the identification with the ego has ended and existence is simply part of the ebb and flow of the greater reality that transcends any personal attachment.
