Portsmouth Field Gun Association Newsletter · 2018-03-29 · gets a load of stick, so Bill...

Spring Newsletter 2018

Introduction By Mick Malone

Introduction

Gentlemen, welcome to the Spring newsletter. Christmas all seems like a long time ago, and here we are into springtime already. Anyway, I hope you all had an enjoyable Christmas and a boisterous New Year. As far as I am aware only one of our number fell asleep in the mess square during the festive period and paid the consequences. My sources tell me it was actually a family member who was armed with the pens, so I suppose it could be said he got let off lightly. I don’t want to disclose the name of said victim in case he gets a load of stick, so Bill Parry’s identity will remain a secret.

We’ve got a full and pretty exciting social calendar lined up for this year! The Northern Reunion was held on Saturday 24 February in Bury. This coincided with the Calcutta Cup game in the Six Nations and I will say no more about the rugby, except it is just as well Wales lost as well otherwise the Welsh contingent would have been insufferable. A lot of us arrived in time to kick things off on the Friday evening, meeting in the hotel bar first then off to a local hostelry for big-eats, dits and a sing song!

Spring newsletter 2018 �1 Portsmouth Field Gun Association

Portsmouth Field Gun Association

Newsletter


The Saturday was brilliant, with loads of our members who we haven’t seen for ages arriving to put a few guns over and stick a few rigs up. I would be stating the bleeding obvious if I said some of our membership are starting to clock up a few years now, but respect was earned as some of our number still managed to put in a thirteen hour shift and were still in the bar well into the middle watch.

Next on the agenda is the Army/Navy game at Twickenham. Please see the dit below from Tom for details and routines.

The Summer reunion this year will be on Saturday 7th July and will be held in sunny Weymouth (other types of weather may be experienced over the weekend so best to take a Burberry). We have booked the New Vic bar which is on the sea front towards the harbour end of the beach. The New Vic has a large function room for the meeting which will commence at 1200. O/C we will adjourn to the bar and partake in a few glasses of fizzy ale. Wives/girlfriends/boyfriends/partners etc are obviously very welcome.

http://www.kingshotels.co.uk/restaurants/new-vic-restaurant/

I know there will be a lot of us arriving on the Friday in order to treat said wives, girlfriends etc to a romantic weekend by the sea side. (Usual routine will be in force – girls all sitting together talking about shoes and handbags and the blokes stand at the bar swapping dits).



If that is your plan, then I would advise you look at booking your accommodation as soon as you can as there will be lots of other punters (who don’t yet know what’s going to hit them) in Weymouth for the weekend as well as us.

There will also be a bus running from Pompey leaving on the Saturday morning returning at midnight. Timings for the bus and pick up/drop off points are still to be confirmed, watch out for posts on the Association Facebook page and the web site.

Moving on! This year’s Christmas social will be on Saturday 1st December at the Waverley Bowls Club in Southsea. Our good friend Disco Dave Pepper will be spinning the tunes. Hopefully we’ll get Crompers to sell some black-out cards but don’t hold your breath for brilliant raffle prizes, it all depends what we can find in the charity shops.

Speaking of Crompers, I would like to mention that my old oppo was recently given an award from the Lord Mayor of Winchester in recognition for the money he has raised for various charities – over £40,000! BZ Crompers!

Army v Navy - Sat 05 May 2018

Tickets will be posted by registered mail week commencing 09 April to the address held on the Association Members data base. Should you wish them to be sent to an alternative address I will need to know before this date. Any Pompey rating wishing to collect in person please let Hodge (07866 590578) or myself (07894 670726) know before this date. Bill Parry is also part of the organising team but is unlikely to answer his phone (Gun Number!).



Those staying at Premier Inn County Hall, Belverde Road, Lambeth, London SE1 7PB tickets will be distributed in the bar on Friday night/Sat morning. Anyone staying in London that would like to join us are more than welcome.

Those on the coach from the Phonex, 51-55 Torrington Road, Portsmouth PO2 0TN Match tickets will be ready for you on arrival and Jacko will issue the Field Gun bar passes.

Breakfast will be served from 0715 and coaches will leave at 0845 sharp, check blackboards in bar to see what coach you are on.

Please note that as requested by the Secretary of the RNRU Carling Suite Field Gun Bar Passes will be issued on the day (please see below). Whilst I am confident that none of our members would jeopardise our use we will follow instructions and a member of your committee will man the door and issue passes – if you have not pre-booked and you are not on the list you will NOT get in.

Whilst this is a pain in the arse ‘The Field Gun Associations’ are the only RN Contingent to get an RFU bar we don’t want to lose it!

From RNRU Admin:

I know in the past Alan Church, the Secretary of the RNRU has emailed you to ask that these wrist bands are not copied as there have been incidents in previous years (2016 and 2017) where the RFU bar entry staff have reported copies have been used. The RNRU have been warned by the RFU that if this continues we will lose this facility. Therefore please can I ask that you do not hand out the bands until the day of the game. We are aware that the capacity of this facility is less than you would wish, however it is the only bar allocated to the Royal Navy and it is not possible to allocated a larger function room.

From Alan Church, Secretary of the RNRU:

As we are all aware, in recent years you have been let down by a number of your membership and there is no doubt that if there is a repeat this year you will lose the facility. This is not a threat, it merely reflect the RFU stance.

As in previous years I look to you to ‘police’ the event – without wishing to sound dramatic, future use of the Carling Room is in your hands.

Tom Dooley



The Trials and Tribulations of the Club Swinger By E-T

As a Pompey Crew Field Gun PTI you had to be a motivator, agony aunt, mother-hen, diplomat, physio and doctor, psychic, weatherman, blue belly and allergic to red or green. It was impossible to have 50 PTIs in a crew so each crew member could have one each , consequently we were limited to one to build crews into an efficient and dedicated winning team that would run through walls to achieve winning a silver medal. (note from the editor ; one PTI was more than enough)!

He also had to be on No1 and No 2 shoulders, giving advice as required and blowing smoke in the right direction which was not an easy job at times as morale fluctuates up and down, so he had to know when to be a good guy or a bastard. Each season the build up to Earls Court was split into four phases, pre-Christmas sessions, pre-track and track, culminating at Earls Court and the double doors.

So, this is a resume of some of the trials and tribulations of the crew PTI. Some funny, some not, but all factual. You can probably guess the years, but some names might have been changed to protect identity (or not).

1. During the track season there has been many sponsors on one particular Wednesday night A crew were invited to Nero’s to a sponsor evening with No1 and No2 (Klubz declined to go). The crew were warned to only have a couple of beers and to leave early. Unfortunately, one crew member was volunteered to enter the heats of the disco dancing championships that were being held. The problem was he was so good he reached the final which was beyond the witching hour. No 1 was not a happy bunny but the prospect of him being the winner was too much to turn down. Unfortunately, the John Travolta of the crew came second.

Next morning just after finishing the morning workout No1 and No2 appeared and told Klubz to take A crew to Tipner with a log. Now, at that point Klubz was unaware of the previous evening’s escapade, but by the time they reached the footbridge he had been fully briefed on what had occurred as everyone was moaning about the previous night’s escapade. As we were going along the foreshore No1 was spotted up by the Wren’s block observing and by the time we got down the end of the footpath all the frustrations about the night before were exposed. On the way back Klubz stopped and suggested to the crew a swim was in order to cool everyone down (it was about 70° already) and the tide was up. An almighty argument erupted within the crew so the swim was then cancelled and we cracked on back to the shed. Remember it was a Thursday? It won’t surprise many that Public run that night was a nightmare! The moral to the story; if you are going to enter something make sure you win it!



2. A Crew were having a nightmare day, so No1 told Klubz to take the crew over to Daedalus in the lorry to watch the Wafus. 45 minutes later we arrived at their track got out of the lorry just as the thunder flash went off. The run was timed by us at 2. 42 (which was a great morale boost!). 3 minutes later we were back in the lorry and 45 minutes after that we were back at Whaley. The crews were told to make the gear up and A crew put in their best run of the day. It wasn’t a 2.42, however, the moral of the story here is never assume your day has finished.

3. It is the Friday before we start on the track and the crews have already been picked. Klubz is conducting games on the lower lawn. In the fine old Pompey tradition it is A Crew v B Crew, with the result obviously going to swing A Crew’s way. Klubz looks across to the parade ground to see that divisions have finished (or so he thought) and shouts to the crews “once round the upper lawn back in the gym for a circuit)! Everyone goes tearing off up the bank and around the upper lawn.

Klubz picks up the gear and walked up the steps on the way to the shed and, looking across the upper lawn sees

some of the crew back tracking, some cutting across the lawn with A SLIPPING HEAVY END leading the charge and the rest, to my horror, weaving in and out of the platoons that had been sent around again on the march-past while the Captain is on the dais chopping the platoons off as they march past.

Now, no one had told me the platoons marched from the parade ground up the road to the quarterdeck and round again if the GIs deemed so. The main attention of the GIs was now trying to stop the crews from running past the quarterdeck, all to no avail! Klubz had said round the upper lawn so that's what they were doing. Klubz is now back at the shed witnessing lots of hilarity as the crew arrived back at the shed from different directions. Paired off circuits started while Klubz is unaware that the phone line from the Reg office to the shed is now red hot. The boss walks into the gym and, quivering, comes up and says “Klubz, the crew have disrupted ceremonial divisions”; Klubz retorts “I know”-“CHANGE”-“we will sort it out after the circuit”. The boss departs with his tail between his legs and seconds later No1 appears; “Klubz stop the circuit, you have got to report to the Reg office!” There is an almighty cheer from the crews, to which No1 then sends them around the post in the mud. SILENCE.



Klubz gets changed and strolls up to see the Reggies. As he walks in the RPO and LReg start laughing. Thinking that this is going to be OK, he then hears from the side office the Fleet Joss shouting “Klubz in here!” On his desk is a big blue book (QRRNs), and he goes on about having found four charges so far. Klubz is thinking four? It was only poxy divisions. He then says the Captain is not happy and that “I WANT YOUR BLOOD!” (FCMAA ZEBERDEE hated anything to do with Field Gun).

Klubz returns to the shed where a rather muddy crew are returning and their morale starts to improve as they find out Klubz is in the shit. Klubz sees the OOD and then on to the Commander’s table. The night before the table Klubz went home to confess to his wife his misdemeanours. She asks what will happen, he says most probably a fine or stoppage of leave, to which she answers YOU HAVNT GOT ANY LEAVE OWING TO YOU? Ah well! Klubz gets to the Commander’s table to the charges of 1. Disrupting ceremonial divisions 2. Not taking charge of a body of men 3. Contradicting EXTMs. Wow! Only three charges. “OFF CAPS”, the charges are read and ZEBERDEE IS HAVING AN ORGASM! The Commander then explains that the Captain was not very happy at the time but he has now mellowed and seen the funny side. Klubz can hear ZEBERDEE about to choke. The Commander then comes in with the punch line; “Klubz, if you told your troops to run across the motorway what would they do?” “They would run across the motorway sir, but would avoid the traffic” replies Klubz. He replies “EXACTLY!” “Case admonished!” Happy Days! As Klubz “on caps” and marches out it is obvious that ZEBERDEE has failed to ejaculate as Klubz gives him a big smile. (WAFU BASTARD!).

4. In 84 the Boss got a cheap deal on a super deluxe luxury coach to travel in style to Earls Court. It broke down at Butser Hill! They had to phone the transport section in the dockyard who then dispatched an old pussers blue coach to pick them up to complete the journey,. Now I didn't know and I was waiting at the main entrance to Earls Court to meet the Crews and march up to the mess with a few renditions of RADD. I waited and waited, the Oggjes arrived in a super-duper luxury coach, bar, toilet, the works. Pompey arrived in the said coach, no air-conditioning, dripping like f**k and two hours late. Yes we did march up with renditions of RADD. Moral of the story if you win who gives a f**k - morale was sky high RADD!



Dit On… By Jed Stewart (who didn’t make any spolling mistakes)

Whilst waiting for the coach to arrive, my mate George and I decided to indulge in the mouth-watering refreshments, including champagne with a full breakfast buffet in the Senior Rates Mess in HMS Collingwood. It was now 0900 and we had been hammering the wonderful fare provided for our £65, which included coach ticket and entrance. I am, of course, relating to our annual trek to the Army v Navy at Twickenham, Yahoo! Anyway, well warmed up and looking forward to another great day, we knew that we had to be on the coach by 0930 prompt, with no excuses!! I made my way out with the crowd and onto the coach. George however, went to the loo after suffering a little from the previous nights vindaloo. He saw the ‘Luckets" coach revved up and ready to go, he promptly dived on board and sat in the only seat available to him the front. He waved to a few guys at the back and even had a nod from Collingwood's 1st Lt. All was well and he soon drifted into the land of nod, probably due to the copious amounts of liquid refreshments consumes in the mess. He woke up at the midway service station and had more refreshments . Dave Pierce, a young Lt asked George how he thought the day would go and who should win, George, with deep intellectual response said, 'it could be anyone’s this year', and got back on the coach to catch up from where he left off. The coach finally arrived, although slightly late, He got off the coach and followed the crowd, strangely, down to the river, whilst taking the ‘micky’ out of some of the officers because they were dressed in rather bizarre blazers and ties. (SIMPS) he thought, He was just in time to see the start of the… … Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race. Oops! George had got on the wrong coach. He actually made it to Twickenham for the start of the second half and see the Army take us apart ……again!!!

Fall In Guys - Listen Up!!

Whist up at the Northern Reunion, I was having a natter with a few of the older lads that had turned up. And, as our chairman had detailed me off to round up some of the ‘wrinklies’ which includes myself, I sussed that not all of the more senior of us were on any sort of social media. In fact I know that some may not even stretch to a mobile phone. ‘What' you say’? and if they have, they’re probably the flip type! Anyway chaps, I know that each and every one of us know at least one other Gunner who is not yet a member, and as previously mentioned by our illustrious chairman, we could always do with more members. It doesn’t matter what part they played during their time, or what year, What’s more important is that they come to meet old mates and acquaintances and have a laugh (as well as put a few imaginary guns over)! So once again men, we all know someone who needs a little extra persuading - no Gibbo, not with a ‘muzz spike’ Lets get them along to the next social. Let one of the committee know who, and we'll do the ‘donkey work’. It’s important to get their mobile\home number, so we can track them down. As always, the contact numbers are on the Portsmouth Field Gun website, but you can ring me Jed Stewart (07792 154205) anytime and at least get the ball rolling.



Website & Social Media By Stevie Rowlands

I came across this dit and shared it on our Facebook page. Unfortunately the original author is unknown to me and so I can’t give him the credit that he deserves. It stirred up fond memories for many so here it is again for those who aren’t on social media…

I remember standing on the foc'sle on a Morning watch weighing anchor with the smell of the North Wind whipping in from ahead and the taste of salt spray on my lips.

The feel of the ship beneath me, a living thing as her engines drive her through the sea.

The sounds of the Royal Navy, the piercing trill of the boatswains call, the clang of the ships bell, the harsh squawk of the main broadcast Tannoy and the strong language and laughter of sailors at work.

The warships, sleek destroyers, fussing frigates, plodding fleet auxiliaries, menacing submarines, purposeful mine hunters and steady solid carriers.

The proud names of the Royal Navy's capitol ships, ARK ROYAL, EAGLE, LION and


Union StreetIt takes a man to walk the street Men have sailed the seven seas

said Jack to his best friend, With thoughts of Plymouth Hoe

Many start at ‘Two Trees’ Two feet on terra firma

but few can reach the end. Its Union Street they go

From bar to bar and door to door To see a Devon Maid

they walk a crooked mile To meet a friendly face,

The Antelope, Diamond Lill’s Tis Jack a happy Tar

A nod a wink a smile Who makes it back to base

The Pussy Cat, The Star

The Clipper and Ace of Clubs

The Old Earl Grey, The Grand,

Tis a street so full of pubs


TIGER. The descriptive names of destroyers, DARING, BIRMINGHAM, BATTLEAXE, CAVALIER, and frigates, ACTIVE, UNDAUNTED, VIGILANT to name just a few.

The military beat of the Royal Marine Band blaring on the upper deck as we entered harbour in Procedure Alpha.

The pipe "Liberty men fall in" and the spicy scent and sights of a foreign port.

Going ashore in No 1 uniform to meet the ladies and visit the watering holes of these foreign ports.

My mates, men from all parts of the land, from city and country alike and all walks of life, I depended on them as they depended on me for professional competence, comradeship, trust and courage, in a word we were shipmates, a band of brothers.

A loud game of Uckers in the evening with my messmates.

My shipmate slinging my Mick (hammock) (or unzipping my pit) for me coming aboard after a run ashore, knowing that I would do the same for him.

The surge of adventure in my heart when the calls of "Special Sea Dutymen close up" or "Away seaboats crew" were piped.

The absolute joy of hearing the call "Up Spirits" in anticipation of your daily tot of rum.

The sudden adrenalin rush when the "Action Stations" alarm blared, followed by the clamour of running feet on ladders and the resounding thump of watertight doors and hatches being shut as the ship transformed herself from a peaceful home to a deadly weapon of war ready for anything.

The atmosphere of the ship in the darkness of night, the dim red glow of the nightlights and the navigation lights. Standing on the quarterdeck as "Lifebuoy Ghost" (sentry) watching the sparkling phosphorescence from the screws as they constantly pushed tons of water astern of the ship, carrying us to our next destination.

The "Watch on Deck" on a balmy tropical night in the South China sea watching the glorious sunset, and flying fish gliding for amazing distances across the surface of the sea, with some landing inboard.

Drifting off to sleep in a hammock (or bunk), lulled by the myriad of noises large and small that told me that my ship is alive and well and that my shipmates were on watch and keeping me safe.

The aroma from the galley during the Morning Watch. Cheesy, Hammy, Eggy, Train Smash, Sh*t on a Raft and Figgy Duff.

The wholesome taste of kai (very thick cocoa) during the middle watch on a cold, dark winters night.

The sound of the bow slicing through the mirror calm of the sea and the frolicking of dolphins as they darted in and out of the bow wave.

Watching the ships wake disappearing back towards the horizon knowing that it will be gone in a short time and being aware of the fact that we were not the first or will not be the last to leave our mark on the water.



The state of the art equipment and the orange glow of radar screens manned by young men in anti-flash gear using sound powered phones that their grandfathers would still recognise.

The infectious feeling of excitement as we returned home again, the hugs and kisses of welcome from sweethearts, family and friends.

The work was hard and dangerous, the going rough at times, the parting from loved ones painful but the robust Royal Navy comradeship, the all for one and one for all philosophy of the sea was ever present.

The traditions of the Royal Navy and the men who made them and the heroism of the men who sailed in the ships of yesteryear.

Now that I am home I still remember with fondness and respect the sea in all its moods from the shimmering mirror calm of the tropics to the storm tossed waters of the North Atlantic, the bright colours of the White Ensign snapping at the yardarm, the sound of hearty laughter.

I am ashore for good now and grow wistful about my Royal Navy days, when I was young and a new adventure was ever over the horizon.

Stamped on my brain is my Official Number and an anchor where my heart is.

Numbers will never be the same again:

Uniforms: Number 1s 2s 3s 8s 10s 10As

Punishments: Number 9s, 14s

Even as times change, and young matelots take over from old seadogs, some things will never change.

The old days were always harder.

The recruits always looked younger.

Official Numbers were always smaller.

The waves were always bigger.

The girls were as good looking in Pompey (Portsmouth) as they were in Guzz (Devonport).

Your last ship was always the best.

If I haven't been there, it doesn't exist - or we blew it off the map.

Only a sailor knows, I was a sailor once and I know.

I look back and realise it was not just a job, it was a way of life. A life where shipmates were a family never to be forgotten.

I was part of the Royal Navy and the Royal Navy will always be part of me.



New Memberships By Stevie Rowlands

We currently have 285 association members. As Jed mentioned in his earlier article, we all know people who crossed over the footbridge willing to do what was necessary to bring home the Silver but are still not members. Get on to them. If you are reading this newsletter and you are not a member, you should be! Whatever part you played you will be warmly welcomed. Here is the link: http://pfga.online/Portsmouth-Field-Gun-join-the-pfga

Since the last newsletter the PFGA has welcomed the following new members:

Roy 'D.C.' Washington

1978 & 84 Crew.

'Flying Angel' Terence 'Dougie' Douglas

1981, 85, 88, 91, & 99 Crew.

John 'Jim' Waby,

1969 Crew.


https://www.facebook.com/roy.washington.31?fref=mentions

https://www.facebook.com/terry.douglas.988?fref=mentions

https://www.facebook.com/john.waby.7?fref=mentions


Jim 'Robbie' Roberts,

1981, 85, 89 & 98 Crew.

Derek Twelvetree,

1975 Crew.

Malcolm 'Hodge' Hodgson,

1979 Crew Speedy Wheel.

Kev 'Nick' Nicholls

1982, '83, 87, '90 and '94 Crews.


https://www.facebook.com/jimroberts8?fref=mentions

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100016434013528&fref=mentions


Crossed The Bar.

Jan 2018

Dave ‘Wacker’ Paine (66 & 70 Crews). RIP…

DREAMS OF A FIELD GUNNER

You Grunt and Groan and Grimace too, The sweat rolls off, you want to spew. There’s someone shouting in your ear The words are muffled, nothing's clear.

Legs are hurting more and moreThe back aches, the chest is sore Ignore the hurt, forget the pain

Ignore the stress, forget the strain.

A bit more strength, a bit more speed,You're out in front, you're in the lead,

Dig! Dig! Dig! More! More! More! Give even more than you have before.

A final burst, the end's in sightNot long now, keep up the fiqht

The line is crossed, you've reached the end Breathing hard you kneel and bend.

Basic!

D TWELVETREE ‘A’ Crew 1975


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Portsmouth Field Gun Association Newsletter · 2018-03-29 · gets a load of stick, so Bill...

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