PRE-MARRIAGE RETREAT

Welcome• Introductions

• Flow of retreat

• Ice Breaker

ICE-BREAKERPick two from this list (each person picks one):

1.How did you meet?

2.Where are you getting married?

3.What was your first date?

4.What are you most excited about for your wedding?

5.What’s your favorite thing about your partner?

6.Where are you going on your honeymoon?

THE FACE OF DIVORCEWhy we’re all here…

FAMILY MATTERSMatthew 6:33

Seek first God’s will in our family and the other things will come as He desires.

• Theatre of disfunction

• No perfect family

• You can’t create a perfect family

• You can’t change your family - you don’t choose your family

• “Your biography, does not determine your destiny.” - Tony Robbins

KEY POINTS

• Values and expectations come from family

• Conflict - how do you deal?

• Expressing affection

• Behavior rules

• Communication patterns

KEY POINTS

• Self- esteem - nurtured or not?

• Power sharing with siblings

• Emotional or physical abuse

• Roles of parents vs. your role in marriage

• Dealing with money

COMMUNICATION

Proverbs 12:18 

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

KEY POINTS

• Learned behaviors

• Styles of communication

• “I” Statements

• “I” Statements and feeling words

• “I” vs. “You”

KEY POINTS

• The power of “for example”

• Integrity

• Boundaries

• Making time to talk

CONFLICTCOLLOSSIANS 3: 1-12

 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint

against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect

harmony.

KEY POINTS

• Conflict leads to more intimacy

• Defining the problem, and LISTENING!

• Power of “for example” and paraphrasing

• Seek clarification

• Body language

KEY POINTS

• Express your feelings when the event happens

• Fair fight rules

• Tri-angling

• Set up a time to talk

• Talking stick example

KEY POINTS

• Agree on a solution

• Agree to disagree

• Counselors should not be the last resort

MONEY MATTERSMatthew 6: 19-24

 Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves

treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also…No one can serve two Masters, for either he

will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted To the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

KEY POINTS

• Worth is God-given

• Avoid divorce by dealing with stress surrounding money

• What does money mean to you?

• Combining money

• Financial planning and insurance

KEY POINTS

• Avoid becoming house-poor

• Budget!

• Pay bills together

• Dream about the future together

• Be a giver

FRIENDSJohn 15:13

 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for

his friends.

KEY POINTS

• Nurture your relationships

• Every friend serves a purpose

• Healthy boundaries

• Platonic friends

• “Dating” couple friends

BEYOND THE LOVEMatthew 22:37–39

Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And

the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'

KEY POINTS

• Change is inevitable

• Avoid a boring marriage

• Celebrate your anniversary

• Rough spots will come - remain committed

KEY POINTS

• Communicate!

• I love you, but I don’t like you right now

• Counselors bring in a new perspective

SEX & INTIMACY1 Corinthians 13:4–8a

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

KEY POINTS

• Intimacy and all it includes

• Respect, sensitivity, a sense of humor…it’s all intimacy

• Communicate your needs (You too, women!)

• Sex is important (Yes, we said it)

• Pornography…what you need to know

FAITH

John 14:6-7

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. “If you had known Me, you would have known My

Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.”

KEY POINTS

• Worship together = 85% greater chance of making it

• The way you were raised will impact your future

• Talk about the little things. They are actually the big ones.

• Do you know your partner’s beliefs?

• Discuss your viewpoint and how you want your future to look

COMMITMENTNumbers 30:2

“If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his/her mouth.”

KEY POINTS

• Your vows, more than just “I do”

• Keep your word

• False advertising

• Be present

• Divorce is not the answer

STATEMENT OF SACRED INTENT

Our Sacred Intent I, ____________________, am committed to marry you, ____________________. I, __________________, am committed to marry you, ____________________. I love you now and intend to love you for the rest of my life. I understand that marriage is a relationship that involves unconditional love, commitment, support, encouragement and trust. I also understand that there likely will be times in our relationship that will be difficult. I am willing to read and sign this contract as my way of stating that I am completely committed to making our relationship work before you and God. If the time comes when we are struggling in our relationship, I promise to enter into counseling immediately, so that we can address our problems before they lead to separation or divorce. If you ask me to enter into counseling, I will trust your judgment that we need to see a professional counselor for the purpose of addressing problems that I possibly will not recognize as being as serious as they appear to you.  I promise that if I ever lose my temper and become physically or emotionally abusive during a disagreement, I will enter into individual or marital counseling based upon the expertise and opinion of a professional counselor. I, like you, recognize the profound damage that can be done to our children if they were ever physically, sexually or emotionally abused. If you, as my partner, ever tell me you are concerned that I have been abusive with any of our children, I will agree to enter individual and family counseling. I hereby solemnly promise to fulfill the statements listed above. Name: ____________________ Date: ____________________ Name: ____________________ Date: ____________________

 

COUPLE’S NUMBER EVALUATION

Page 94

COUPLE’S SELF-EVALUATION

Page 98

SPIRITUAL FORMATION SESSIONS I,II,III

Page 104

5 YEAR FOLLOW-UP

• Follow-up phone calls

• Surveys

• Newsletters

• Conference calls

• New website in January 2014