Dear Readers,

Mental illness… No! We are uncomfortable talking about it. Yet, mental illness is a reality. It impacts thousands of people worldwide, their friends, families, work colleagues and society at large. The good news however is that for many who experience m e n t a l h e a l t h p r o b l e m s , recovery is possible if help is sought early.

Society in general has sterotyped views about mental illness and how it affects people. Research shows that the best way to challenge these stereotypes is through first hand contact with people who've walked that road and with experts who work in this area. While Mental Illness is the focus of our In Conversation piece, October also happens to be ADHD Awareness month. In this issue of Femnet, we are happy to bring insights shared by women who have dedicated their lives and work at grassroot levels in these fields.

This issue also looks at the concept of ageism in technology a n d m o r e . E n j o y t h e s e remarkable reads.

As autumn makes way for winter, Happy Thanksgiving! India will light up with lights. We wish our readers Shubh Deepawali! ... lots and lots of joyous moments to savour. May this Diwali season bring you sparkles of happiness and contentment, that stay with you through the days ahead.

Life's a teacher

WhatsApp Paralysis!

Setting the Record Straight

Itara

Help! I Need a Techy Friend

In Conversation with...

Lakshmy UnnyThe youngest of seven c h i l d r e n , M s . Lakshmy Unny was born in a village in Kerala in 1941. In 1959 she discontinued her pre-medical course to get married and move to Goa. She has two sons and a daughter. Her daughter is an Associate Professor in paediatr ics and her younger son, an engineer, owns a l o g i s t i c s b u s i n e s s . Following her elder son being diagnosed as schizophrenic at the age of 18, this one time entrepreneur became involved with COOJ (Cause of Our Joy).

Tell us about your involvement with COOJ.

My involvement with COOJ began when my eldest son was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in 1979. Widowed in 1980, and with my daughter and younger son still in school, I was desperate. In those days psychologists and psychiatrists were unknown terms to me. Monthly visits to Bangalore to consult psychiatrists and admitting him to hospital away from home resulted in disasters and made matters worse. Finally I met a psychiatrist in Bangalore who taught me how to cope with the difficult task of looking after a psychiatric patient and explained to me the benefits of help provided in sheltered workshops. I lost no time in finding out what facilities were available for the mentally ill in Goa. That's when I met practicing psychiatrist, Dr. Peter Castelino, Managing Trustee of COOJ Mental Health Foundation. He introduced the first rehabilitation programme in Goa. Mrs Theresa Trinidad is our Founder Trustee and has been the driving force behind the setting up of COOJ.

Rehabilitation Programmes?

COOJ was the first to offer a non-residential rehabilitation programme of evidence based therapies and provides individualized treatment to enable individuals to lead meaningful lives. It was started in Mapusa in 2004 and in Vasco in 2005. Client sessions are varied and carefully planned and include the reading of newspapers, vocational training to enable them to acquire marketable skills such as making paper bags, greeting cards, photo frames and paper flowers.They are taught responsibility, to develop good work habits, to understand procedures, memorize tasks and work as part of a team.

In the cognitive sessions, the client is taught to improve skills in the areas of attention, concentration and memory, organization, reasoning, problem solving and decision making. They are also taught the basics of computers.

Group sessions take place in the afternoon giving our clients the opportunity to relate to and interact with others thereby developing relationship building skills. They are also trained to acquire social skills and develop appropriate behaviours including conflict resolution. This helps them to improve their self-esteem and confidence and builds motivation. It decreases anxiety and depression.

They also have recreation time where they are encouraged to participate in indoor and outdoor games, organized walks, picnics and other outings and library time. All these sessions are tailor-made to suit individual needs. This creates opportunities for the development of independent living skills and assistance to manage their illness in a way that would reduce the need for hospital admissions. Being exposed to the

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programme at COOJ daily over a period of time results in enhancement of personal growth and sel f -understanding, allowing clients to pick up on their lives again and get back to work or school thus restoring self respect and dignity.

In COOJ Sheltered Workshops clients who are sufficiently stabilized and have developed basic marketable skills, but who are likely to find open employment too overwhe lming , a re g iven opportunities to earn basic salaries in a protected environment with minimal supervision. Presently they are involved in making articles out of handmade paper which are then sold.

COOJ has family support groups for caregivers of persons with mental illness. This takes place in Vasco once every three months on the second Saturday. The support groups have proven extremely beneficial as they provide a non-threatening environment where one can express one's innermost feelings and fears. They provide a place where doubts about the illness can be clarified and an opportunity to learn from one another. By building friendships, they help to create a support system in case of a crisis. There is also a support club for persons experiencing mental illness as these individuals often go through a period of social isolation either due to the symptoms or as a result of stigma.

What programmes does COOJ have in place to support individuals with mental health and other issues?

COOJ Mental Health Foundation is a registered charitable trust founded in the year 2000 which works towards the promotion of mental health in Goa. It operates programmes in the areas of rehabilitation, suicide prevention, elder care, community outreach and awareness.

The trust is headed by managing trustee, Mr Peter Castelino who is a practicing psychiatrist. There are 4 trustees in all as well as an a d m i n i s t r a t o r, a s s i s t a n t a n d housekeeping staff. The Founder of COOJ is Mrs. Theresa Trinidad. She has been the driving force behind the setting up COOJ.

COOJ has several programmes.

COOJ Rehabilitation offers daycare facilities, employment opportunities, a patient support club and family support.

COOJ Suicide Prevention has a listening helpline that is available Monday to Friday between 3 and 7 pm. It also runs awareness programmes for the public and in schools. This programme is helped by volunteers who provide enormous support.

The COOJ Elder-Care Programme

provides psycho-social rehabilitation of seniors and a senior therapy centre. It was started in Bastora in June 2017 and in Vasco, this month. This programme helps the elderly to feel more connected and less isolated through regular social and interactive activities. It provides assessment and treatment for seniors facing memory loss. Through various platforms, they are encouraged to exercise and maintain their cognitive, emotional and physical abilities, motivating and inspiring them to find and sustain their self worth and confidence.

At COOJ we deal with mental illnesses such as Schizophrenia, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Depression, Dementia, Alzheimers and other mental health illnesses.

Is there a particular success story that stands out, which you would like to share with our readers?

Well, the case of my son who was totally disoriented and suffered from chronic schizophrenia. There has been a vast change in him after he started attending the rehab programmes. He has reached a level where he no longer has the need to be away from home to obtain treatment or to be under constant medical supervision. He takes part in all therapeutic activities and his social interaction has improved tremendously. He has been able to re-connect with himself. Eight clients who went through our rehabilitation programme are working in different parts of Goa, Mumbai and the UK and are functioning members of society.

What are the challenges that the Organization and the team face?

The challenges we face are social s t i g m a , d i s p e l l i n g m y t h a n d discrimination. We find it difficult to make the family and relatives accept their ward's condition and to appreciate

the importance of medication being properly administered. Once the person becomes slightly better, the c a r e g i v e r s t e n d t o r e l a x i n administering the medication which leads to a relapse. Our aim is to make society accept a mentally ill person like any other person with a physical illnesses such as diabetes. Funding is another hurdle for us. Presently we rely on donations from Corporates and well wishers, and the proceeds of the sale of products made by our clients.

Do you have a message for parents of children with mental illness?

I would say to them; Do not give up hope. Remember your mentally ill family member also has emotions and feelings. Please understand that illness makes the person devoid of expression and thought processes. Given a chance and opportunities, people with mental illness can work and become functioning members of the society.

What is your dream for COOJ ? How can the community provide support?

My dream is for COOJ to have a stigma free small village or a large space with housing

for parents or foster parents in residence from where our clients can go to their respective work places and return. This dream village should have its own shopping and recreational facilities. In short, a safe environment where these indivduals can find acceptance as they go about rebuilding their lives. The community can help by creating job opportunities for the mentally ill, by giving time and money, and by being understanding of the problems of the mentally ill.

I am proud to be associated with COOJ which, for me, was a bright ray of hope when I was groping in the dark.

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Life’s a teacher WhatsApp Paralysis!

hubby and I - managed to create a profile and did manage to outwit our brat pack with a fitting reply! With Bitmoji I can now create personalized messages and must say it's pretty much fun!

But back to what a crippling quality this tech innovation has had for me. Group chats - let's not even get there Phew! From family to community to school girl fraternities to work colleagues to prayer groups; while you do enjoy the sense of thoughtfulness and being connected with such ease, sometimes the innuendo and chatter can turn into noise for a weary and tired brain.

Moving on to 'Me' time and prayer time and save me Jesus! Just in case you've saved them, prayers on your phone and your favourite 'forward happy friend' catches you on line... the pings and notifications can throw even the most well intentioned designated hour to ashes.

So boycott WhatsApp? No! I'm not suggesting that. It's a wonderful communication tool that is even accepted as official today. It's a hard decision but I've made my choice - WhatsApp and my phone go to bed the same time as I do and far off from ear shot. They wake up several hours later than me. This has helped me prioritize, focus better and stage a decent recovery from being a victim of what I called - WhatsApp paralysis!

Joan Shenoy - Mumbai

I'm caught with a new condition, not sure if it's contagious or infectious but its hit me hard and I have to say it's like a double-edged sword. While on one hand it puts me in touch with my family and friends and the world in the blink of an eye...brings me smiles and good mornings, life lessons, mantras, photographs, updates… it also insidiously eats into my time and focus and how!

I've been caught in an awkward situation a million times. Hubby kisses me good-bye and we exchange our 'to- do' lists for the day and before he's even taken the e l e v a t o r , s h o u l d I a c c e s s WhatsApp...I'm damned… I've forgotten the reason why I even picked up my phone in the first place!

This ubiquitous intruder has got me in a spot costing me a luscious bread pudding in the oven turn into crisp toast glancing at irresistible pictures of my 70-year-young sister basking in her swimwear. It's also caught me faulting on deadlines with this compulsive feeling that I must acknowledge every forward, Good Morning or Good Night that comes my way, even if it be with an Emoji.

My latest indulgence these days is the Bitmoji where I've created an animated version of what I think is in sync with my spirit. One Sunday evening we two fuddy duddies - my

Arti Kamat - Mumbai

It's so easy to dole out advice. What is surprising though, is that we know what is good and what we should be doing. Yet, when it comes to the basics, we rarely listen to expert advice that is our own.

So much easier to drown the voice in my head telling me to go for that walk, spend time on financial planning, let go off the past or simply to take time to hit the pause button just to savour the moment. There's always things that seem more important such as work, juggling projects and schedules, obsessing about what went wrong and needlessly worrying about the future. Fortunately, life is a good teacher and keeps repeating lessons until we learn them.

We don't ever lose anything with each of life's experience except, hopefully, our ignorance, arrogance and ego. If we are willing to look at each lesson as an opportunity to learn, we earn wisdom, grit and humility.

I pray that we find the sense to recognize these lessons and learn them well. I hope every time life knocks us down, we recognize the blessing, pick ourselves up and start walking again. We will succeed!

Setting the Record Straight

October is ADHD Awareness Month - 31 days in the year are not enough to build a world that accepts and even celebrates ADHD, but it is better than nothing. Sethu is heaven bent on making everyone ADHD-aware and it seems prudent to launch the month of October dispelling various myths that surround the diagnosis and management of this condition.

Myth 1: ADHD does not exist!

Reality: ADHD is real and is seen in around 10% of the population. Though there are no blood tests for a t t e n t i o n l e v e l s n o r a n y

the lack of discipline in their classrooms.

I must confess that initially I used to respond somewhat like the raging bull to the matador and thunder forth with angry arguments. Fortunately I have mellowed with age and now, I use the opportunity to educate rather than disagree. I have met innumerable parents of children with ADHD who struggle daily to instil discipline, foster responsibility and cope with impulsive behaviors. They are overwhelmed by their feelings of guilt, shame and frustration when they and their children are blamed for not trying hard enough.

D r . N a n d i t a D ' S o u z a – Development Pediatrician

Director Sethu Goa

ADHD Just Doesn't Exist!

Yes, ADHD just doesn't exist - it inspires, makes us perspire, laugh, cry, celebrate, despair and discover. Every once in a while I meet someone who does not believe that ADHD (a.k.a. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a real neurobehavioral condition. These people think that it's just a label touted by parents to excuse their bad parenting, a diagnosis created by doctors and pharmaceutical companies to make money or a term that teachers use to explain

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substances may he lp w i th associated symptoms such as soc ia l anx ie ty, fee l ings o f restlessness and inattention - however, they are capable of derailing the brain very fast and can result in serious addictions. Hence proper treatment of ADHD with s t imu lan t o r non-s t imu lan t medication can prevent substance abuse and addiction.

These are a few myths that continue to persist despite scientif ic evidence to the contrary. However when people talk, question, share and keep an open mind, it is poss i b l e t o change t hese misperceptions and bring in new understanding and acceptance.

If you have questions or comments about ADHD, We are listening! And, Happy ADHD Awareness Month - learn as much as you can about ADHD and reach out to those who have the condition or care for someone who does.

www.sethu.in

Myth 4: ADHD is caused by too much sugar

Sugar can cause a host of problems but ADHD is not one of them. Many parents believe that their children become 'hyper' after gorging on cupcakes or icecream. However science does not support their claims at present. There is no link between sugar and restlessness or impulsivity.

Myth 5: Children with ADHD who take medication are more likely to become drug addicts.

We know that one of the effective treatments for ADHD after 6 years of age is medication, since it acts at the source of the problem, by increasing the levels of the brain neuro t ransmi t te rs . In fac t , medication is likely to protect the young person from doing impulsive things like taking drugs. Some adolescents and adults with ADHD self medicate with mind altering substances such as alcohol, marijuana and cocaine. These

restlessness meters, brain scans have clearly shown that the glucose uptake in the brains of people with and without ADHD are different. ADHD is caused by imbalance of chemicals or neurotransmitters in the brain. It is a biologically based condition, not a discipline issue.

Myth 2: ADHD is just normal restlessness

All of us may be inattentive, moody, restless and careless at different points in time. These symptoms can be compared to our heights. Everyone has a certain height, and most of us fall within a normal range. However at a certain point the increase in height will cause problems for that person and they will keep bumping into the heads of doors. When the symptoms of restlessness, inattention and impulsivity start creating difficulties for the child at home, in school, among peers and in the community, it is more likely to be ADHD. The diagnosis should be carefully made by a trained doctor as not every restless child has ADHD, nor is ADHD just 'normal naughtiness’

Myth 3: ADHD is terrible news

People with ADHD are known to be creative, courageous, risk takers who make leaps of faith into unknown territories. They are not afraid to try new things and can excel in any field that is their passion, such as music, art, drama and sports. Dr. Edward Hallowell compares the brain of a person with ADHD to a racer car with cycle brakes which can cause it to get into trouble. The challenge is to find ways to tighten the brakes or teach impulse control, so that the racer car can win the race.

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Itara

the groom's family to check out the nest…to make sure they are sending their daughter to a good family, where she will be in good care. Itara is also the traditional Kikuyu word for the upper part of the kitchen hearth, where firewood was stored to dry. The idea is that the

“Am I losing my daughter or am I really gaining a son?” That is what was going through my head as I sat in the Itara meeting – the fourth traditional meeting of the bride's and groom's families before a wedding. It was kind of a sad, wistful feeling. But, I'm getting ahead of myself…

In the Itara, the bride's family travels to the home of a representative of

Chari Kingsbury - Kenya

In a series of four pieces Chari Kingsbury shares with us her thoughts and feelings surrounding her daughter's wedding. In the first article we learned about Ithege. In this second piece she tells us about Itara, another traditional meeting between the families of the bride and the groom.

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spoke to me long ago concerning our children…

Our kids are not ours…they belong to God. He only lends them to us for a season to care for them on this earth, to protect them and to guide them in His ways. Our primary job as parents is to help them move from being dependent upon us to being dependent upon God. They are His. This possessive clinging to my daughter was not pleasing to God. So, I relaxed, and settled myself to see what was next.

After the advice session, we all moved back outside to rejoin the men, with the ladies dancing, singing, and ululating, Amanda and her friends carrying the tea and mandazi (a type of doughnut). As we settled down to enjoy the tea and informal chatting, it began to dawn on me that indeed I was not losing my daughter; my family was not diminishing, but indeed was growing. As much as they were calling Amanda their daughter, Thuo, likewise is joining us as a son. Not only that, but now, officially, our family has been welcomed into their (very large) family and they into ours. This is how it is in Africa. A marriage is never between two individuals, but between two families. From that time, Thuo began to be more than Amanda's fiancé to me.

some representatives from Thuo's aun t i es , who occas i ona l l y responded antiphonally to the song drifting down the stairs. Now a new e m o t i o n b e g a n t o surface…irr i tat ion and even jealousy. I mean who do these people think they are, stealing my daughter away like this? What are they doing with her up there, anyway? Why do they need to hide her up there? Why am I not up there with her?

Finally, the procession of aunties escorted Amanda down the stairs, ululating, and I discovered what they were doing up there…dressing her up in traditional lessos (lengths of cloth, often used as clothing) and jewelry. We were all led to the kitchen, where Amanda was shown the 'hearth' and was given the tea and snacks that she would serve to the guests, aided by her friends. But before that, was an important time where all the aunties, the two mothers, and Amanda's friends sat down in the living room for a talk about marriage, what to expect, and any advice that may help her in her new life together with her husband. (I discovered later, that the men were outside doing the same with Thuo). My feelings of irritation subsided as they gave me the first chance to speak to my daughter and I remembered something God

bride, mother, and aunties are checking out the bride's new 'home' where she makes and serves tea and snacks to the guests, to prove her ability to care for her new husband. In this meeting of the families, after a hearty meal, the fun b e g i n s . A f t e r n u m e r o u s introductions of who is who in each family and after hearing from the bride and groom to confirm that they are still going forward with the union, the bride, her companions (friends), mother, and aunties all head into the house of the groom's family representative, in this case, the groom-to-be's parents.

This is where the wistful emotions began to make their presence felt. As all of Thuo's aunties and his mother gathered around Amanda, escorting her into the house, I suddenly felt bereft of my daughter. It felt like she was leaving me, and I began a sort of grieving process inside. I kept the brave smile on my face and was genuinely enjoying the symbolic ceremony, but I also felt the stirrings of sadness inside too. “Am I losing my daughter?”

We were all escorted into the cool home and Amanda was whisked upstairs, where I could hear ululations and singing drifting down the stairs. Amanda's 'aunties' (adopted ones from her church family) and I waited downstairs with

Attitudes - I Smell Something Fishy!... The Sadness of Formalin

Goa, my Goa was held hostage a few months ago by an ugly and never-before -heard -off culprit called Formalin. A chemical used only to preserve dead bodies in mortuaries, this stealthy thief attacked almost every Goan householder and their daily sustenance 'nisthe' in the most underhand and devious way.

Truckloads of fish making their way to Goa from neighbouring states were allegedly being injected with Formalin by a greedy, unscrupulous trader nexus to preserve the fresh look of fish that may otherwise never have made it to a Goan table, let alone even be fed to the cats.

This tragic incident shook Goa at its very soul. And mine in particular. Took me back to a childhood joy where one of the biggest highlights would be 'Today's Catch'... peering into my mom's clay pot expectedly to see if it was King Fish, Motso, Mackerels or Chonok that had made its way to the table. As life took us to Africa, coming home on holiday ...the thought of Goa and it was the delightful fish-fare that would always be one of the reasons we returned.

Formalin regrettably has changed the way every Goan household looks at fish. Thankfully with Goa's

local boats now back at sea, the state need not be deprived of their pride and for many their 'reason to live' - the fish curry rice staple - that unites all of Goa across religious, economic and social boundaries.

For me the Formalin story speaks of greed and the end of an era of trust.

As life took us to Africa, coming home on holiday, it was the thought of Goa and the delicious fish that we would soon be sampling, was one of the reasons we returned to Goa with much anticipation.

Betsy Pinto-NunesFounder, FEMNET

Some links to light up your Diwali festivities.

Surprise your family by cooking some of their favorite treats this Diwali……https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd7U2Cb00kA

Rangoli Designhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztXSy_UXBTg

Diwali Festive/Décor Ideashttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTt1pNVl9BA

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Help! I need a Techy Friend

Nor can I hashtag. I have to write that bit because I still haven't found the hashtag key or the one it has moved to. Basically after another trip to the shop I realise I have a Mac but the keyboard is a run-of-the-mill PC one and so the two have been designed not to talk to each other. And I've now lost the receipt and, more importantly, thrown the packaging away. So cannot change it.

Did two more trips to the shop. The advice is just to change the settings. Oh yes just change the settings. Like where? I've tried all the usual places and cannot find it. I can see another trip to the shop coming up!

If there's one thing that older people struggle with, it's technology. Unfortunately it will be the thing that divides the people who survive it well from those who don't. It's designed to be intuitive to people who learned in a different way to us. We simply can't work it out for ourselves in the same way they can. And it's making us look foolish, when we are seriously not.

So, basically I need a technology friend. Someone about twelve, actually make that about eight, who can solve my problems and in return I could teach them how to make a cheese soufflé without a recipe, while also unloading a dishwasher and mowing a lawn.

Wish to apply? Responses on a tweet (which I won't receive).

desktop and the MacBook Air. For this, read that I have spent money. A not inconsiderable sum of money.

Now for the bad bit. I can't really work any of it well. My photos are a good example. I can't work out how to store or find any of them, so the only way I can navigate around them is by scrolling through the last 10 years worth of photos every time I have to attach or send one. Oh yes. Every time.

Twitter is another one. I know I need to tweet. I have a Twitter account and I've tweeted mostly when someone cleverer and younger than me has been sitting next to me. But when I receive the endless stream of tweets from every museum or shop I have ever entered, I give up again. I have not mastered the mention thing and so keep tweeting to myself instead of others.

I recently bought a new keyboard. It jammed, and when I rang the nice young man in the shop and asked why it was broken he paused and said it was usually crumbs. Despite shaking out the crumbs – actual lumps of food in my case – it still didn't work. Which was spiteful of it. So I got another keyboard, took it home, and plugged it in. This was remarkably easy. I started typing. Oh yesssss! Problem sorted, I thought, and only £20 spent. Then I tried to do an @ sign and it gave me “&”.

L i n d a T h o m p s o n , Edinburgh UK

L i n d a i s a grandmother to five lively boys and girls whom s h e a d o r e s . When not chasing

after them or tearing her hair out on technological matters, she enjoys playing the piano and dancing the tango.

If there's one thing that has managed to invert the relationship between young and old, it's technology. I am not yet at the stage where I have to write down my mobile number on the back of my hand to remember it or where I point my phone at the TV instead of the remote, but frankly I am getting close.

Anyone who knows me knows that I managed to get a Polish Yahoo email address despite living in Spain at the time. No idea how I did it, and no doubt I could not replicate the mistake if I tried. I get Polish biscuits on a regular basis. Sorry, I meant “cookies”. I rather like standing out from the crowd, and so have kept it for years. People send me news about networking events and political campaigns in Warsaw. Marvelous – I can delete the emails instantly.

The trouble is I've got it all – the iPad, the iPhone. I've got the

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