Protecting Your Inner Peace

Presented by:

J. Michael Goulding, MSW, LCSW

Sponsored by:

Carolina Partners In Mental HealthCare, PLLC

Thank You!!!

I invite you challenge my thoughts…respectfully.

Stay away from, “I know that.”

Ice Breaker

What was your take away?

Overview

Learn What Is Your Responsibility

Employ The Checklist

The Goal of the Circle

Overview (cont’d)

Defending Yourself from Client Baggage

Forming Alliances

The Mirror

Guidelines

Safety First - Stay focused.

Speak for yourself by using “I” statements.

What happens here stays here.

Speak from the heart.

Take care of yourself and any physical limitations you may have.

Guidelines

The Aikido moves are very effective. Test them slowly and gently.

Have fun! You will not master the Aikido techniques today.

If you want to test the Aikido moves at a higher level, then test them with me.

Spread the word, but give credit. Do not use for profit as this is copyrighted material.

Role-Play

• A client approaches you outside of work while you are having a special dinner.

• Pair up

• One person plays the role of the client.

• The other person tries to get pack to dinner peacefully.

How Well Did it Work?

Write down 25 issues that interrupt your peace.

Arms Out at Your Side

The Circle

Map Issues

Take Aways!

How I Learned about Responsibility

Where We Store Our Responsibilities

Truth about the Circle

It is the only place where you truly have control.

You can be the most effective when you focus on your space and address how life/people impact that space.

You are responsible for managing everything that enters your circle.

The Pipe

Common Expressions

I have a lot of pent up emotion. I have to get this off of my _________.

I have been thinking about getting this taken care of all day and cannot get it off of my _________.

Since I have been promoted, I have had a lot on my ______.

I have to get this ______ off my back.

My cross to bear.

The Checklist

Have I properly educated my client?

Have I explored the best resources for my client?

Have I used my best knowledge and skills of therapy to help my client?

The Checklist

Once you have done everything you can do, everything is off of your circle.

Although you did everything in the best way, you still do not have control over the outcome.

The Checklist

Shift your thinking from judging yourself based on outcomes to evaluate yourself on how well you did everything on your checklist/circle.

Outcomes usually improve when people make this shift.

What Is Inside the Circle

What Is Left When You Clear the Circle?

When you take away the issues that interfere with your highest sense of self, whether it be something divine or psychological freedom, you are left with peace..

What does peace mean to you?

Everything Relates to Peace

What Is Peace?

“Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace - - the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living -- the kind that enables man and nations to grow and to hope and to build a better life for their children.”

JFK

What Is Peace?

Connecting with your highest sense of self while accepting life on life’s terms.

What If you Are Not Responsible?

Getting Past The WallTo Feelings

Past the Wall Onto Feelings

Steps Toward Emotional Discussion

FactsThoughts

Emotions

Getting Past the Wall to Feelings

Emotional or physical

Importance of dealing with emotions

If you want to feel better, then you have to address your feelings

Steps Toward Emotional Discussion

Emotions are physiological.

Anger is a guardian for more vulnerable emotions.

What is behind the anger?

Emotional Decoys

“I feel like she doesn’t listen to me.”

“It really bothers me when he’s late.”

“I’m mad as hell that she cheated on me!”

Emotional Bathroom

Alliances

Alliances

No individual is as powerful as someone with strong Alliances.

Advantages of Alliances

Disadvantages of Alliances

Spiraling and Testing Layers

The MirrorHow do you read the following words?

The Mirror

WOMAN WITHOUT HER MAN IS NOTHING

The Mirror

The Mirror

Advantages of The Mirror

Changes your environment

Physically altering environment

Setting a good example

Advantages of the Mirror

Master mind.

You see things accurately.

Calmly stating facts to others acts as a reflection for others to see how they truly are.

Protecting Yourself From Client Baggage

What Interrupts Peace?

Someone holding you to an obligation that does not belong to you.

People arguing that their opinion is better than yours.

People presenting lofty ideals that do not match with their lowly behaviors.

Someone trying to take away your resources by repeatedly violating your boundaries.

Passive aggressive behaviors that skirt the real feelings.

What Interrupts Peace?

Being forced to use faulty ideas that have failed many times in the past.

People refusing to offer information on the next step that could help you. (Stonewalling)

Someone tries to overcome your ideas in a group with criticism and a bullying force.

Two people try to impose their agendas that take you in the opposite direction.

People wanting you to take sides with them over someone else that you like.

How Do You Maintain Peace?

What are the solutions to address disruption?

Why An Aikido Metaphor

What do you know about Aikido?

Aikido History

Aikido Principles

Evade

Align

Enter

Aesop’s FableAesop’s Fable

The Sun & The Wind

Aligment ExerciseValidate your partner as he/she discusses an issue.

Personal PolicyAikido Intention: Keep

your opponent out of your space by peacefully defending your boundary by escaping a hold.

 

Interpersonal Intention: Peacefully keep someone from “holding” you to an obligation that does not belong to you.

Snake Past Head GamesAikido Intention: Get out

of the trap by moving your hand directly past a person’s head.

 

Interpersonal Intention: Go past the trap of arguing with someone’s head games onto directly asking for your needs.

Expose The Inconsistency Aikido Intention: Overcome

your opponent by spreading his arms (and energy) in two completely different directions thus taking him off balance.

 

Interpersonal Intention: Expose the differences between the high ideal promises someone makes and the actual behaviors/decisions one actually exhibits, thus taking him off balance.

Pre-emptive Strikes On Repeated Attacks

Aikido Intention: Enter into your opponent’s attack with a disarming move before he can attack again.

 

Interpersonal Intention: Address the situation proactively, when a person makes more than one attack, before the other person tries to take away resources from you again.

Go Straight For The EmotionsAikido Intention: Escape

an attacker’s hold by pointing directly toward a person’s core (center of the body).

 

Interpersonal Intention: Get a person to yield to your point or leave you alone by you pointing at the core emotions that are involved in a passive aggressive conflict.

Natural ConsequencesAikido Intention:

Overcome your opponent by turning his own fingers against him until he yields.

 

Interpersonal Intention: Use the factual information about your opponent’s faulty ideas against him until he yields to the new ideas which need to be considered.

Adopt A Family MemberAikido Intention: Enter an

opponents space who is keeping you away with a sweeping back hand.

 

Interpersonal Intention: Get closer to someone who is keeping you at bay by not giving the information you need.

Yield & OvercomeAikido Intention:

Overcome your opponent with superior force by taking him off balance by putting yourself in the lower position.

 

Interpersonal Intention: Overcome a person with superior force by allowing them to have their faulty way and have them fail.

Monkey In The MiddleAikido Intention: Bring

both opponents together (and away from you) when they are tugging on you in opposite directions.

 

Interpersonal Intention: Get two people together who have different agendas for you and have them work out the differences that really exist between them.

Get Out Of The CrossfireAikido Intention: Get

away from the attacker who is holding you while escaping a second attacker who is moving into hit you from another direction.

 

Interpersonal Intention: Get out of the way and out of the conflict that really exists between two other people who are trying to get you involved.

Other Situations

Write down a situation that you may be dealing with in your life.

What is your intention in facing that situation based on what you learned today?

Care to Share?

Thoughts

What was most helpful to you?

What was your take away?

What’s Next?

Spread the word

I would love to speak at your organization!!!

Check out the site www.victoriousmcg.com

Copyrighted Material

Resources

Goulding, J. (2013). “Protecting Your Inner Peace”. Outskirts Press, Denver, CO.

Contact Information

J. Michael Goulding MSW, LCSW

www.victoriousmcg@gmail.com

www.victoriousmcg.com

919-297-8394