Psychology of Human Relations
Interpersonal Relationships
Close relationships
• We all need close relationships
• See evidence in companion book page. 271 8.2
• Close relationships defined:• Strong and frequent interdependence in
many domains of life. • Interdependence = thoughts, emotions
and behaviors influence each other
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What is love? Baby don’t hurt me…
• How is it defined? A real problem
• Berscheid & Hatfield – passionate vs. companionate
• Sternberg’s Triarchic Theory• Descriptive not explanatory but still good
Origin of Attraction - Biology
• Evolution – attraction leads to procreation
•Referring to Sternberg’s Triangle Theory of Love, many animal relationships are Passionate, but no Commitment or Intimacy, but not all
• Let’s look at specific aspects of love and how they connect to specific biological functions
Romantic Love – are you tired, because you’ve been running through my head all day?
• Obsession – is a disorder defined as inability to stop thinking about a particular topic. Can’t turn off thoughts.
• Romance is motivation not an emotion – creates a craving
• NT’s/Hormones that lead to cocktail of biochemical experiences:• Dopamine – does what?
Adrenaline• “His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy…he’s nervous, but
on the surface he looks calm and ready”
• Is this a dude about to enter a rap battle or prompose to a girl in his class?
• Adrenaline is a stress hormone• High Energy
• Less sleep
• Less food
• Focused attention on object of stress
• “Skylar, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re my world. Will you go to prom with me?”
Serotonin
• Interacts significantly with the Limbic System
• Four F’s• Feeding, Fighting, Fleeing, Mating
•Also focused thoughts?•Marazziti (1999) - low levels of hormone in blood
equates with OCD
Fischer et al. (2003)
• Passionate Love Scale
• fMRI look at pictures of beloved vs. acquaintance
• Brain’s reward system lit up when looking at the object of one’s desire
• Correlated with people’s assessments of the PLS
• No word on whether that one guy whose brain lit up from the “acquaintance” got busted or not
Hormones and bonding• Attachment
• Innate system of behaviors and psychology
• Bowlby
• Oxytocin• Released during touching, sex –
builds intimacy through bonding
• Childbirth
• Vasopressin• Released during sex
• Sex for fun
• Protection too
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Evolution• Take a minute and in a few sentences describe your ideal romantic
partner – psychological characteristics, values, attitudes, etc. (without thinking of anyone in particular)
• Why do we find some people more attractive than others?
• Reasons we’ve already discussed, such as…
• Buss (1996) - for XX’s jealousy actually varies –
• Ovulation: estrogen is high – emotionally jealous
• Menstruation: estrogen is low… and they act like men
• Explanation – when menstruating she can’t reproduce so she’s sexually jealous of her philandering partner
Low (1990)
• 186 Cultures analyzed – correlation between parasites & polygyny
• Pathogen stress
• As PS increases – unmarried XY’s increases
• Physical attractiveness is more valued as a result
• See other factors on pg. 275 of companion book
Wedekind (1995) – Dirty Shirt Study
• Genes & immune system in attractiveness – more diverse MHC = better immune system
• Long story short – women can smell the difference
• Key note – preferred different MHC smells, but if they were on the Pill they preferred similar MHC smells
• Why?
• Application – dating services
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Cognitive Origin of Attraction• Take a minute and in a few sentences describe yourself
focusing on the attributes you feel would be attractive to other people
• Remember when I asked you to describe your ideal romantic partner last block? How close are those two lists?
• Morry (2007) – we see friends/partners as more similar to us• Social Identity Theory – in-groups & out-groups view• In general –
• opposites tend not to attract; • people live near those similar; • shared interests lead to attraction;• others similarity to you is rewarding and validating/self-esteem
boosting
Research
• Markey et al. (2007) did this and found they were largely similar
• In a follow-up, they had 106 young American couples who had been together for a year answer a questionnaire about both of their characteristics
• Results – people want people like them
• Note: perception is not always reality (<1yr.) Self-Reported so reliability is low but validity is high
• Davis & Rusbult (2001) showed that attraction can foster similarity
• Chicken or egg with attraction and similarity?
Application:Neil Clarke Warren – founder of eHarmony;How to Know if Someone is Worth Marrying in Two Dates or Less
List the 10 Must Haves
• Honest
• Intelligent
• Attractive
• Faith
• Sports Fan
• Wants Kids
• Extended Family-Oriented
• Traveler
• Don’t settle
List 10 Deal Breakers
• Smoker
• High Maintenance
• Money Reckless
• Indecisive
• Follower/Not Independent
• Low Self-Esteem
• Don’t settle
Kiesler & Baral (1970) – Self-Esteem in Relationships
• Fake IQ test for XY’s
• You’re amazing
• Your results are so low we think there may be something wrong with the test
• Hot XX in the waiting room
• Do you engage in conversation?
• Depends on your self-esteem
Reciprocity
• Social Exchange Theory
• We like those who like us
• Help a partner; we feel good: self-enhancement
• In romantic relationships we tend to idealize the partner and view them more favorably than they do
• These feelings are indicative of a relationships success rate (Markey et al., 2007)
• Dove Body Image ad
• Slightly different but still – which door would you choose?
Sociocultural Origin of Attraction
• Who become partners?
• What attracts partners to each other?1. Positive interaction2. Frequency of interaction
• Why?1. Compare our reactions/feelings to others2. Test our views’ validity in comparison to others3. Connectedness & attachment4. The familiar is more likable (mere exposure)
Culture’s Role in Formation & Maintenance of Relations
• Need to diversify these cultural investigations – too US based
• Norms• West – marriage is the culmination of a relationship• Why proposals are such a big deal in the West and
“unromantic” in the East• Happily ever after. The end? NO! It’s the start of
something• Divorce rates high• Paradox of Choice?
• Cultures with arranged marriages have low divorce rates• “You Americans marry the person you love; we love
the person we marry” (Matsumoto, 2004). • Zajonc – Mere Exposure Effect
• Is it culture? Indians who married for love felt less love 5 years in than Indians with arranged marriages
•What is a marriage? Union of two people or two families? Lifetime companion b/w 2 individuals in love or partnership for mutual benefit, kids, economics etc.?
Buss (1994) • 2 questionnaires to 10k in 37 cultures
• 36/37 XX’s rank finances as most important
• All 37 XY’s prefer younger spouses
• 23/37 XY’s ranked chastity as more important than XX’s did
• Some interesting differences:• US – love first
• Iran – love 3rd, education, intelligence, ambition & chastity high
• Nigeria – love 4th, health, neatness, desire for home/kids high
• China – love 6th, health, chastity, domestic skills high
• South Africa (Zulu) – love 7th, emotional stability, maturity, dependability high