SelfEsteemGuide8-11

7/28/2019 SelfEsteemGuide8-11

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For mothers & daughtersaged 8-11

Help girls build body confdence

sel-esteemactivity guide


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Why has this resource been produced? 2

How does this resource work? 4

How to use this resource 5

Encouraging your daughter to talk about her body 6

Mothers as role-models 7

How to create better eelings about your own body 8

Beore you begin 9

Activity 1: Getting started 10

Activity 2: Mom and me 12

Activity 3: Where Im rom 14

Activity 4: My world 16

Activity 5: Changes! 17

Activity 6: Language decoder 20

Activity 7: Tricky topics 23

Activity 8: Being sae 24

Activity 9: My hopes 26

Dove Sel-Esteem Fund Global Advisory Board 28

Meet the amily urther resources 29

Other resources and inspiration 30

Contents

Our Social Mission:

To encourage all women and girls to develop a

positive relationship with beauty, helping to raisetheir sel-esteem, and thereby enabling them to

realize their ull potential.

No young person should leave schooleeling that they cant participate ully in liebecause o the way that they think they look

Dr. Nancy Etco, Director, Program in Aesthetics and Well Being,Department o Psychiatry, Harvard.


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Why has this resource been produced?

Research shows a link between a mothers inuence and her daughters ideas abouthealth and body confdence. I mothers can become more aware o their attitudes towardstheir own bodies and those o their daughters, they can help their daughters stand up tothe powerul inuences in our culture that undermine their own sense o beautyand selworth.

Today there is more pressure than ever on young girls to be physically perect.We see this reected in the media all around us. Lets look at some worrying acts:

Over70%ofgirlsavoidcertainactivitiesbecausetheyfeelbadabouttheirlooks.For example:

20%wontgiveanopinion 25%wontgotoasocialevent,partyorclub 15%wontgotothedoctor 16%wontgotoschool

(Beyond stereotypes, Dove Global study, 2005)

Two-thirds(63%)ofwomenbelievethattheyareexpectedtobemorephysicallyattractive than their mothers generation(The Girl Scout Research Institute)

Dissatisfactionwithbodyimageincreasesasgirlsprogresstoadolescence.While75%of8-9yearoldgirlssaytheylikethewaytheylook,only56%of12-13yearoldgirlsfeelthat way(Teens Beore Their Time, 2000)

92%ofgirlssaytheywanttochangeatleastoneaspectoftheirphysical appearance, with body weight ranking the highest(Beyond stereotypes, Dove Global study, 2005)

Why has this resource been produced?

Spurred by acts like these, the Dove SelEsteem Fundcampaign aims to prevent the damage caused when youngpeople develop low selesteem rom hangups about theirlooks. Clearly mothers have an important part to play too asthey are in a very inuential position to shape how narrowly orwidely their daughters defne beauty.

Over50%of11-15yearoldgirlssaythattheirmotherhelpsthem the most when they have a problem.(The Ten Emerging Truths: New Directions or Girls 11-17, 2002)

Today, young people are growing up surrounded byincreasingly unattainable beauty standards. Innovativematerials like these oer adults the chance to bepositive role models, and to make a signifcant positiveimpact on the selimage o young people when theyneed it most. This Activity Guide provides an impressivecombination o un exercises and communication tools thatencourage conversation on an exceedingly difcult subject:body confdence and selesteem.

Dr. Nancy Etco, Harvard University, Director o Program in Aesthetics and Well Being;author o Survival o the Prettiest, the Science o Beauty

Body image issues aect nearly all girls, underminingconfdence and wasting emotional energy. I heartilyrecommend this resource to help girls, and their adultmentors, become more robust in their quest to reach theirull potential.

Dr.SusieOrbach,Mother,psychoanalyst,bodyactivistandauthorofnumerous books on the body and emotional literacy including 'Bodies'and'OnEating'


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The importance o mothers

A mom is one o the most important inuences in her daughters lie.

Long beore peer pressure has kicked in, a mothers love and caring sets the oundationsor her daughters lie. Who you are will prooundly aect who your daughter is and can be.Your attitudes and behaviors towards her, and the way you act, are like a script rom whichshe will make choices in her lie.

Clearly girls are aected by lots o other external actors. For instance, Doves globalresearch tells us that there is an epidemic o body image issues aecting girls andwomen worldwide:

How to use this resource

This resource aims to support parents andmentors(likeyou)inyourconversationswithyourdaughters around body confdence and selesteem. This guide provides lots o opportunitiesto talk to your daughter about her body and thechanges she will be going through. Your input isvital. She values you and looks to you to help withher conusion and questions.

This booklet is split into two sections. The frst hal contains inormation or motherson the journey their daughters go through as they enter puberty. The remainder othe booklet contains a series o activities or mothers and daughters to do together,to explore issues around selesteem and body confdence.

Please read this booklet through beore you spend time together on it.

What do we mean by happiness?

Happiness isnt about going around with alse smileson our aces. Its about gaining a confdent sense osel that is outerdirected rather than blocked bynegative introspection. Clearly there are many actorsthat aect our overall happiness. This resourceocuses on the powerul aects that come rom havingbody confdence.

How does this resource work?

Ashocking 90%of all women want to

change something about their appearance.

Girls and women are trying to match themselves to the images obeauty linked to happiness and success that they see all around them.As a result, body image dissatisaction and eating problems are on the

rise. Pressures to undergo cosmetic surgery are on the increase too,as girls think that this is a solution to the ordinary issues they ace ingrowing up.

Doves research also showed that you, as mothers, can makea huge dierence in inoculating your daughters against negativecultural inuences.

This booklet helps you to enter into your daughter's world, understand whatshes thinking and hear about the pressures she experiences, especially thosethat aect her body confdence.

Builds strongerbody confdence More likely to

ulfl lie potential

Builds overallconfdence

Raise awarenessabout actors

aecting sel-esteem

Increaseshappiness

Inspiresothers


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We need to realize that when we make negative comments about our own bodies orcriticize our own eating, these are picked up by our daughters. I we:

Sighwhenwelookinthemirror Orroutinelysayweshouldntbeeatingthis Orhowweneedtodietmorestrenuously Orifwecomplainthatifonlywehadadifferentnose/hair/eyes/hips

then our daughters will believe its natural or a girl to be critical o, and unhappy with,her own body.

Mothers as role-models

Expressing openminded curiosity in your daughters development makes the changes sheis going through exciting rather than worrying. The activities that ollow are designed tohelp make body confdence a more everyday thing to talk about.

In addition, helping girls understand that the images o their avorite pop stars, TV starsandadvertisingcharactersarefabricatedreallyhelpstoo.Mediaimageryusessomuchspecial lighting and digital manipulation that it creates antasy images rather than showinghow people really look.

Emphasizing the uniqueness o girls looks and style, their adorable reckles or the charmo their growing breasts while still having a baby tummy, will send a powerul message thatyou value their changes and that these are essential parts o who they are.

Encouraging your daughter to talk about her body

Feelings

Emotionscomeinheretoo.Oftenbodypreoccupations and ood problems are aresponse to emotions and unhappy eelings.

We can help our daughters by lettingthem know that we all have mixed andcomplicated eelings at times.

Feelings arent right or wrong, or good orbad. Sometimes our eelings righten us,sometimes they embarrass us. Sometimeswe just eel good. Sometimes we eel sad.Feelings are personal and an importantpart o each o us. Knowing how we eel is

a way o knowing ourselves better and thesame logic applies to your daughter.

The more she can accept her eelings, whatever they are, the moreprotected she will be rom the tendency to turn the normal conusion ogrowing up into body or ood problems.

She will learn that whether she is happy or sad, excited or worried,pleased or blue, she does not have to take it out on her body.

Obviouslyit'snotsoeasytoshowapositiveorcondentattitudeaboutyourown body i you dont eel it. Reecting on your own eelings and trying tostop showing any negative ones you have about your body when she is around(actuallyitwouldbegreatforyouifyoucouldstopaltogether!)isimportant.Finding the right stance towards your own body might be tricky, but the moreneutral to positive you can make it, the easier it will be or your daughter todevelop a confdenceabout her own. Then shehas more chanceo avoiding the anguishabout appearance thatplagues so many girlsand women.


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Think back to the time when you wereyour daughter's age. It was probably abewildering time. Perhaps your bodywas unruly. You may have been gettingready to change schools. The certaintieso childhood were unravelling. What didyou need rom your mom, or the othersignifcant women in your lie, such asaunts? Are there things you would like todo dierently or your daughter, especiallyconsidering the additional pressures she

aces today?

Perhaps you didnt have to appear grown up or sexy quite so young? Today your daughterisbombardedwithupto5,000mediaimagesaweekthatsuggesthowsheshouldlookandeel. Celebrities rule. Sex is presented as something she should take part in early. Buyingthe latest ashions and wearing makeup has come to be a preteen right. Plastic surgeryis presented as an easy and worthwhile option she can look orward to. Being able to talkwith your daughter about these many dierent pressures will help her enormously.

This booklet has activities or her to do on her own and others or you to do together.Beore you get started, acquaint yoursel with what her world is like.

You can:

WatchherfavoriteTVprogramme.Youllprobablybeabletoworkoutwhyshelikesit,but i not, at least youll have enough inormation to get a conversation going about it.

Borrowhermagazinesandndoutwhattheyarewritingaboutandtheimagestheyareusing. Reect on how those images make you eel now and how they might aect you iyou were her.

Listentoherlatestdownloadsandfocusonthelyrics.Youllbeabletoaskheraboutthe music that appeals to her.

Beore you beginHow to create better eelings about your own body

Ingeneral, tryto haveanopen

attitudeandinteresttowards

whatsgoingonwithher

Dolookatpicturesofyourselffromafewyearsago that you like. I you were dissatisfed withyour body at the time and realize now that youlooked just fne and wish you had that body today,do try to accept and enjoy your body as it is, at this stage.(Itwouldbeawfultolookbackafewyearsfromnowatpicturesofyoutodayandhavethosesameregretfulfeelings.)

Domoveyourbody.Putonmusicanddancearoundorgoforawalk.Feelinghow alive your body is rom the inside is a good antidote to the criticisms oisted on it romthe outside.

Doremindyourselfthattheimagesinmagazines are oten digitally touchedup, stretched and lit in extraordinaryways rather than being pictures oreal women.

Dorememberyoursisabodythathaslived, worked, given birth, brought upa child and run a household. Bodieschange as we age and it is a fction thatthey could ever look like the perectedimages in the media.


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Getting started

Questions I have about growing up are:

Why am I changing? Do I have to diet?

Does everyone change the same way? IsitOKtobeexcitedaboutgrowingup?

WhenisitOKtokisssomeone? WhatifIdontlikemylegs/breasts/lips?

Other

About my riends:

Mybestfriend'sname/sis/are:

Mybestfriend/sthink/sIam:

Somethingmyfriendsdo/say/thinkthatworriesmeis:

Somethingmyfriendsdo/say/thinkthatinspiresmeis:

About my mom:

Mymomsnameis:

Today I would describe my relationship with my mom as:

OtherdaysIwoulddescribemyrelationshipwithmymomas:

OnethingIgetcrosswithmymomaboutis:

OnethingIloveaboutmymomis:

Write down all the things that are important to you now. This is just thebeginning you will have lots o opportunities to share more about yoursel. Youmay even want to get a journal or a notebook to write down your thoughts andeelings along the way.

About me:

Mynameis: I am years old

Myschoolis: I am in year

About my body:To me being beautiul means:

QuestionsIhaveaboutmyface/hair/legs/chest/bodyare:

More about me:

Myfavoriteactivitiesare:

When I grow up, I want to be:

I think the two most interesting things about me are:

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Activities: Getting started

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Childrenlike to fll inquizzes. Theycan giveyouagood idea about

their questions, concernsand eelings. Thequestions yourdaughter

hasabout growing upcanbesubstantialandgiveyou a chance topass

onyour experience toheras youmaywish it had beenpassedonto you.

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Every amily is dierent. It is the particular ingredients o your amily that makes yoursunique. Families are made up o dierent parts with everyone bringing somethingspecial to it.

Where I'm romWhere I'm rom

Talk about it

How does where youre rom inuence

who you are? This might include religion,region, ethnic group, how old your parentsare, what belies you share as a amily,whether you live with your mom or withyour mom and dad and any siblings andstep siblings you have.

Where did your grandma grow up?

Where did your mom grow up?

How is our amily unique and dierent?

What makes me unique and dierent?

How do I defne beauty?

How does my amily defne beauty?

What are some things I admire in myamily members?

What are some things I admire in others?

What are some things I admire in mysel?

Which skills do I want to develop?

What have I learnt about my mother that I didnt know?

How does that change the relationship I have with her?

Children have to juggle their own amily withthe wider culture. They are oten ambassadorsoutside the home about your values and ways o

doing things.

Tell your daughter the ways in which yousee her personal traits and attitudes that

reect your amily. These can be physical and emotional. Look at her hopes andshow her how she is making her personal contribution to shaping the amily.Remember they are just eelings.

Listen to how your daughter wants to develop and progress. You can help herimagine hersel in these new ways. Try not to judge what she wants but enjoy herdesires even i they are at odds with what you are hoping or her. She might wanttobeabeauticianwhileyouseeherasafuturescientist.Orshemightwanttobe an engineer and you see her as a teacher. She might, like many girls now, justwant to be amous. Whatever she dreams o, whatever ideas she has belong totoday and will change as she grows.A way you can help buildher confdence is to let herknow that what she longsor or ancies hersel to be,is understandable. It is a

way o letting her know thather desires are fne and yousupport them.

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You might have noticed that you are beginning to look dierentrom a couple o years ago. This change in your body is calledpuberty and its a part o growing up. How can you deal withthe changing you? Talk to your mom about puberty and whatshappening to you, or whats likely to happen in the monthsand years ahead.

Use the fgure to point out ways your body is changing.It may seem silly, but its a good way to talk to your momabout difcult things.

Mediasuchasmagazines,websites,blogs,televisionshows,musicandmoviesareprobably a big part o your lie right now. Your mom might eel a bit let out about what youareinto,sopickamagazine(oraTVprogramme)thatyoureallylikeandsitdownwithher.You can show her what it means to you and how i t makes you eel.

Talk about it

Changes!My world

Whatdo theimages sayaboutgirlsandtheir lives?

Aretheimagesthingsgirlsshould aspireto?Why?Whynot?

Whatwouldreal girlsor real imageslook like?

Inwhatwaysdo thecharacters, storiesor images see

mrealistic?

Inwhatwaysdothey seemmadeup?

Howdo theymakeyou feel aboutyourself andyour

life?

Still worried or conused? Ask your mom or the help youneed. She can direct you to more inormation. Also, askyour mom what it was like or her when her body was changing.How did she eel?

Not sure whats changing? Have a think about these questions:

Doesyourfaceseemdifferent?How? Doyourclothestdifferently?Where? Haveyoufoundhairinnewplaces?Where? Haveyoustartedtowearabra? Areyounowwearingbraces? Ifyouhaventhadanyofthesechangesyet,askyoumom

what you should expect

Look at your daughters avorite TV programmes and magazines togetherand giggle about any silly and unrealistic images. Take note o the imagesand eatures that she encounters, but dont judge them. Instead, encourageher to explain the impact o these on her.

Think about ways you can counter these images and what the people are doingi you eel uneasy. Educate your daughter about media literacy. Point out thatoten pictures are digitally transormed. Go to www.dove.com and show herthe Evolution video. The two o you will be astounded. And you can remind eachother, when looking at ads, that people dont really look like this in real lie.Even i your daughter doesnt watch these shows or see these images in yourhome, she encounters them in her world. You cant get rid o them but you canpunch some holes in their pretences.

Try to remind your daughter regularly about the digital manipulation o images. Havea laugh with her about the way they extend legs, inate breasts or darken eyes.

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Puberty is not just about breasts and hair, or spots and periods. Its what those changesmean to you, how others look at you and what they expect rom you. Body changes tellpeople you are growing up. Sometimes time goes too quickly and sometimes it eels everso slow. You want to be grownup enough to kiss and go to parties and know what love isabout, but you might also be shy and fnd it just as much un to have crushes on people.

Puberty happens between the ages o 8 and 14. Some girls have to wait a while, or others itarrives beore anyone else. During puberty your body releases special hormones, these areresponsible or the good changes that mean you are on your way to being a teenager.

Are you going through puberty yet?

Check the signs o puberty that apply to you:

You get taller, sometimes taller than the boys in your class

You see body hair growing in your underarms and in your pubic area

You may eel moody sometimes

You may smell dierently

Your breasts begin to grow

You get your period

You may get acne

Your body can get curvy

Your hips can get uller

Your body may widen

Your body at usually increases

Sooner or later you might check o all o those things as they are absolutelyNORMAL!Itsnatureswayoftransformingyourbodyfromayounggirltoabeautiul young woman. It can be a strange time but it is also very exciting.

Facts about puberty

Tell your daughter that puberty and turning into a gorgeous teen can beun. Show enthusiasm or her physical changes. Wonder aloud whethershell have your breasts, or aunt Janes legs, or dads height, or her sisters teeth,etc. Tell her youre having a special shopping trip to select the products that shewill want to be using soon. Share with your daughter what puberty, and waiting orit, was like or you. You can take out the old photo albums o yoursel at her age andlook at the pictures together.

Are there cultural traditions or physical traits in your amily that symbolise beauty?Trace those attributes through the generations to help your daughters sense obelonging and to give her a broader defnition o beauty. Find things about the twoo you that are similar. Try to give her a positive image o some o them such as: IalwaysfeltluckythatIhadstraight/curlyhairorIvealwaysenjoyedbeingpetite/tallso I hope you will too

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Itisalsoatimewhenyouhavediffere

nt

sortsoffeelingsfornoreason.Sometim

es

youcanbesuperexcited,sometim

esyou

canfeeloutofsorts.

Friends change. You can eel so close and included one moment and then excluded a ewweeks later. And your body is changing. You can be ravenous one day and then just eatnormally or weeks. Suddenly you appear grownup and may want breasts, long hair,to wear makeup and be allowed to go out with boys andexperiment with things that bigger kids are in to.

Just yesterday, and maybe tomorrow, youll be snugglingup to your teddy. You might eel quite private around yourdad or brothers and that can eel really odd.

There are so many pressures on you that you may wantto ft in and be like your riends or act like the peoplein your avorite TV shows. You start having secrets and

dreamsandthoughtsthatdontt.Oftennothingfeelslike it fts: neither your body, nor your clothes. Andyour ideas can be a jumble. This can be a hard timebut it is also exciting because it is the only time whenyou are both a girl and about to be a young lady.

One thing to remember:

You cant stop these changes. Some girls try to stop them by not eating or eatingtoo much. Always talk to your mom i the changes are worrying you. She will fnda way to listen sympathetically and help advise you.

Feelings about puberty

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Language decoderLanguage decoder

Sometimes its hard to hear what your mom has to say. At times, it seems like you arespeakingtwodifferentlanguages.Momcanbeagreatcomfortbutthewrongcommentrom her can send you into a ft o rage. How can you make sure you are on the same page?

Look at this chart. How do you eel about the things your mom says? What do you think shereally means? Is there a better way to say these things?

Now write down some o the things your mom says to you.How do they make you eel? Ask her what she really means.

Mymomsays:

How I eel when she says that:

What she really means:

Mymomsays:

How I eel when she says that:

What she really means:

Some things I would like my mom to stop saying or to say in another way are:

Remember:Momshaveyourbestinterestsinmind,evenifyoudontalwayshearit.Askherto identiy three strengths she sees in you. Having her do this now might help you understand

where shes coming rom. Do you agree with these strengths that she sees? Are there otherstrengths you would like to develop? Talk to her.

Strengths my mom sees in me:

Strengths I think I have:

Strengths I wish I could have:

Mom says I may eel Mom might mean

I amsoproudofyou! ImnotsureIcantrust I noticedyouvebeenwhat youre saying. working hard.

Is that what you You dont like my style. I am not sure that isare wearing? You dont trust my the best choice.

judgment. You are tryingto control me.

Is that what you You think I am too at Your nutrition isare eating? or too skinny. important to me.

You are beautiul. You have to say that, You are beautiul,you're my mom. You inside and out, justcan't see my aws. as you are.

You dont have to do I dont want to be I know that

what everyone else let out. sometimes you wantis doing. to do what yourriends are doing.Slow down and makesure its what youwanttodotoo!

Hereisyourchancet

o

practicetalking

andlisteningtoyourm

om.

Shesbeenthere.

Sheknowswhatitslik

e.

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For girls and adults, some parts o lie are like an obstacle course. New challenges comeup every day. I your mother doesnt know the realities o your daily lie, she cant give youthe best support. Use this activity to be honest about the challenges you ace. That willhelp you and your mom work together towards solutions.

Talk about three things that can bedifcult every day. They can be simple,tricky, or silly.

Now ask your mom to listen very

careully as you give her a picture aboutwhat happens, how you react to it, howyour riends react to it and how it makesyou eel.

Aterwards, listen to her response. Shemay have suggestions to make situationslike these easier or you and othersaround you.

Tricky topics

Some scenarios might be:

Beingteased Confrontingabully

Handlingpeerpressure Talkingtoaboy Beingunpreparedforschool Changingforgymorsports Feelinguneasyaboutpressure

to kiss someone Notbeingsureabouthowyoulook Wantingtochangeyourbody Thoughtsaboutplasticsurgery Nothavingthelatestouttorgadget Pubertysurprises

Remember what it was like when you were sensitive and prickly, and youwere trying to work out who you were while your mood changed rapidly.Your daughter doesnt know whether to believe what you say or not. Shewants to, but shes looking to other role models now and she can seemdismissive. Consequently she doesnt necessarily hear what you say in the waythat you intend it. She expects you to judge her the way she might be judging hersel.

I you are oering her a compliment, be as specifc as you can. This makes it easieror her to hear it and not brush you o. So, instead o saying I am so proud o you,name the activity that you want to acknowledge and reinorce in your daughter.

Try the ollowing approaches to compliments: I am really impressed with the way youstuckwiththatmathsproblem/swimminglesson.Youshowedrealcommitment.orI noticed you talking patiently to grandma when she kept asking the same thing overand over again. That shows care and respect.

I you want to oer some criticizm then signal it. This makes things a little easier e.g.This might be something you wont like me saying... but, I think it can come acrossrude, i you

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Here are some issues that might require a codeword. Can you think o others?

Doingbadlyatschool Attendingapartywheretherearedrugsoralcohol Beingtouchedinappropriately Eatingtoomuch,eatingtoolittle Beingteasedorharassedbyabully Practicingunhealthyeatingbehaviors Beinghurtbyafamilymemberorfriend

Makeaplantogether:

Whatistheprocedureyoufollowifyouareinanunsafesituation? Whodoyougotoasasafepersonifyouareworriedthatyoucanttalktoyourmom?

Can you talk to your riends mother? HaveasignalthattellsyourmomthatyouareOKbutdontwanttotalk Haveadifferentsignalthattellsyourmomthatitisurgentyoutalk Workoutthegraceperiodbetweenmakingabaddecisionandfacingtherepercussions

o that choice Writeouttherulesforyourcodewordstogetherandkeepitinahandyplace Whatcouldhappenwhengirlscantturntotheirmothers?

Rules about codes:

When the code is in eect you should both agree to:

Putsafetyrst Listen,notblame Communicateinapositiveway Comeupwithsolutionsandconsequencestogether Understandthatmakingmistakesispartofgrowingup Identifyemergencycontactspeopleandnumbersthatcanhelp

Youveopenedthedoorofcommunicationwithyourmom.Nowkeepitgoing!Youcanrelyon your mom in all dierent sorts o situations. Remember, shes been there.She can be a great ally. She can also be a lot o un and very wise.

Sometimes you can fnd yoursel in a place or a situation that doesnt eel good. It can beembarrassing or scary to ask your mom to help you. Your mom wants you to be sae andhappy even i youve broken the rules. Always try to ask or help.

You can talk over your worries about tough situations, and possible solutions, beore theyarise or get dangerous. Come up with a real or madeup situation, concerning you or a riend,that you would normally be too shy or scared about to share with your mother. For example:

Someoneinyourclasshasbeenshoplifting Youfeltlikecheatinginclass Youvenoticedthatafriendhasstoppedeating Youvebeenoffereddrugs

Ask your mom to think o a time when she kept a secretin order to avoid disappointing her parents. How did itmake her eel?

Sometimes its important to have a private codeword thatidentifes a situation needs a special kind o conversation.(TheAmericanandRussianleadersusedtobeconnectedby a special Red Phone Hotline that would only be used orthemostimportantandurgentmessagestoeachother.)

Create a private code with your mom. This saety plan canhelp you and your parents deal with tricky situations.

Example 1: You asked to stay at a friends house, but now you want to come homeand you dont want your friend to feel bad.

Callyourmomandsayyourcodeword(itcouldbesomethinglikeHowsgrandma?).

Your mom will recognize the code and then try and help you tell her whats wrong, e.g.:she might ask Arent you having un; do you want to come home?. Shell fnd a way tomake that possible i you say yes and then you can talk to her later about why you didnteel comortable.

Example 2: Maybe you told your mom you were staying in but your friends convincedyou to go out. You dont feel comfortable but you know you broke the rules. Call your

mom and say your code word, she will come and get you. She might be a little angry that

you broke the rules, but shell care more about your safety.

To start o the conversation when you are alone with her you can say Im sorry that I didthis mom, but I eel relieved that I can come to you or help in a difcult spot. Then you cantalk about what happened and maybe she can suggest ways o dealing with a situation likethis in a way that makes you comortable.

Being saeBeing sae

The private code should be taken seriously and i the two o you commit to itearly on, it can help you both avoid a lot o misunderstandings.

I your daughter uses the code, praise her or asking or help. Listen to her. Itmight be difcult and you might well have to put your own panic aside, but i you dontact calmly and lovingly it may be hard or her to approach you again. You can be frmlater on, at frst you need to listen and understand why she might have done whatevershe has done. You can think about how to prevent similar situations in the uture.Makesureyouletherknowthatyouarepleasedshecametoyou.

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My hopes

What skills do I want to develop?

Take a moment to look at the things that make you, you. Write down one goal or yoursel duringthistimeofchange.Trytomakeitasspecicaspossible.Maybeyouwanttospendmoretime

with mom, or maybe you want to learn more about puberty. Share the goal with your mom. Thencome up with a plan on how to reach that goal.

OnethingIwouldliketoexploreorbeis:

To do this I could:

OnestepIcantakenowis:

Sometimes you need a quiet moment to reect on all the changes and activities in yourlie. Use this space to consider who you are, or use your journal. Write down your thoughtsabout what youve learnt so ar about yoursel and about your mother.

Think about it!

What makes me unique and dierent?

Who are my role models?

Why?

WhoaremyBestFriendsForever(BFF)?

Why?

What do I want to be?

Listen to what your daughter wants to develop. Help her withimagining hersel in these new ways. Ask her what she wants to beknownforcharacteristics,qualitiesand/orskills.Trynottojudgewhat she wants but enjoy her desires. It might be un to create a photojournal or scrapbook to document this period o change. Start collectingpictures that describe your changing selves. Reer to it over time to see howmuch each o you has developed. The scrapbook can also be a space to markyour daughters special moments, achievements and dreams. Be creative thescrapbook can be as unique as the two o you are.

Mom'sspot

My hopes

Activity

9Activity

9


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The Dove SelEsteem Fund campaign aims to help the next generation develop bodyconfdence, so that they can achieve their u ll potential in lie.

As part o this, we have created this activity guide within a range o body confdenceand selesteem educational tools. You can fnd other resources at www.dove.com or bycontacting the Dove Careline on XXXX XXX XXXX.

Dove Sel-Esteem Workshop Guideor TEACHERS o girls and boys 11-14

Acomprehensivesetofmaterialstoleada90minutein-class

session on body confdence and selesteem, plus ollowupexercises. This resource includes a poster, a stimulus DVD anda PowerPoint presentation.

Dove Sel-Esteem Activity Guideor YOUTH LEADERS o girls aged 10-14

A printed toolkit with sufcient material or up to 18 un sessionsonbodycondenceandself-esteem.SuitableforGirlguiding/GirlScouts, Ater School Clubs and other youth groups or girls.

Dove Sel-Esteem Discussion Guideor MOTHERS o girls aged 11-16

A useul question and answer booklet to support mothers intackling sensitive body confdence issues with their daughters.

Dove Sel-Esteem Activity Guideor MOTHERS & DAUGHTERS aged 8-11

An activity booklet or use in the home to help mentors anddaughters in their conversations about body confdence and selesteem.

Dove Sel-Esteem Activities online or GIRLS aged 11-16

A un range o online activities that girls can complete at their own paceto strengthen their body confdence. Find them at www.dove.com.

The DSEF Advisory Board is a collection o people who eel passionate about strengtheningbody confdence. They guide the development o DSEF resources to beneft millions oyoung people. To demonstrate their passion or this important work, members have kindlygiven some o their time or ree. We are grateul that so many wonderul people are happyto work in this way.

DSEF Global Advisory Board members include:

Meet the amily urther resourcesDove Sel-Esteem Fund Global Advisory Board

Dr. Ann Kearney-CookeUSA, psychologist, workshop leader,authorof'ChangeYourMind,ChangeYour Body'.

Dr. Carla RiceCanada, Proessor o womensstudies and consulting clinician at theWomens College Health SciencesCentre in Toronto.

Catherine BarryIreland, short story writer andnovelist including Skin Deep, a novelon breast enlargement.

Chiho KusakaJapan, TV presenter and selesteemtrainer and career counselor,particularly or young girls.

Jessica WeinerUSA, international selesteemtrainer and author. Appears regularlyon TV and is a contributing editor or

SeventeenMagazine.Kaisu FaganUK, Policy and Public AairsManager,GirlguidingUK.

Karishma ChuganiMorocco,fashiondesignerworkingon a range o garments that embracediversity in size and beauty.

Dr. Lucrecia RamirezColombia, psychiatrist and

challenging ashion show organiser.

Mirjam Bekker-StoopNetherlands, causerelatedphotographic exhibition producer.

Dr. Nancy EtcoffUSA, psychologist, Harvard acultymember, author o Survival o thePrettiest The Science o Beauty.

RankinUK, Alist ashion photographer,

joint creator o Dazed & Conusedmagazine, flm director andbroadcaster.

Sarah LangUSA, World Championshipmedalist speed skater,school workshop leader.

Dr. Susie OrbachUK, psychoanalyst, author o 'Fat

is a Feminist Issue' and 'Bodies',convenor www.anybody.org.

Wiam Al-AshgarSaudi Arabia, Clinical Dietician,works in education on healthy diets.

Zara Hyde-PetersUK, ormer international athlete andUKSportBoardMember,CEOofBritish Triathlon.

ForyouthleadersoFgirlsaged1014

Help girlsbuild body confdence


Formothers&daughtersaged 8-11



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Help young people buildbody confdence

sel-esteem

workshop guide

FormothersoF girlsaged 11-16

sel-esteemdiscussion guide



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Books

SurvivalOfThePrettiest,TheScienceOfBeauty(1999)byDr.NancyEtcoff,Director,Program in Aesthetics and Well Being, Department o Psychiatry, Harvard. Why dogentlemen preer blondes? Why do women paint their lips red? Why do men strive orVshaped torsos? What is beauty?

Bodies(2009)byDr.SusieOrbach,UK.Some30yearsafterthepublicationofFatIsAFeminist Issue, this book argues that the way we view our bodies has become the mirroro how we view ourselves, raising undamental questions about how we arrived here.

Skin Deep(2004)byCatherineBarry,Ireland.Anovelaboutayoungwomanwhobelieves

that, i only she was beautiul and sexy, she would fnd the happiness she desperatelycraves. Can you really achieve happiness by going under the knie?

Lie Doesnt Begin 5 Pounds From Now(2006)byJessicaWeiner,USA.Astepbystepguideto decoding the Language o Fat and loving your body today. By changing your thoughts,language and actions, you can appreciate your body more.

Real Gorgeous(1996)byKazCooke,Australia.Fullofcartoonsandno-nonsenseinormation about cosmetics, health and selesteem or women aged 11 to 111.It includes the truth about press ups, pushups bras and the great cellulite scam.

Organizations that actively promote body confdence

GirlScouts/GirlguidingThe World Association o Girl Guides and Girl Scouts is a worldwidemovement providing inormal education where girls and young women develop leadership,selesteem and other lie skills through seldevelopment, challenge and adventure. TheWorld Association brings together organizations in 145 countries across the globe and youcan fnd yours at www.wagggsworld.org/en/world .

Eating Disorders Charities Low body confdence can increase the risk o developing eatingdisorders. Eating disorders charities believe that prevention is better than cure and socampaign to improve peoples eelings about body image. beat, the leading UK charityor people with eating disorders and their amilies, have an excellent directory o supportwebsites rom around the world at www.b-eat.co.uk/Links/Overseasorganisations.

There are many sources o useul stimulus and support materials to help you in your bodyconfdence interventions. Here is a selection that you might choose to use.

Films

Freaky Friday(2003)(USA:PG)Anoverworkedmotherandherdaughterndithardtogetalong. When they switch bodies, each is orced to adapt to the others lie or one reakyFriday. Stars Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan.

TheSisterhoodOfTheTravellingPants(2005)(USA:PG)Followsfourteenagegirlsduringa

summer in which each goes through a crucial lie experience that aects their selesteem.Theysucceedduetotheirloyalsupportofeachother,symbolizedbyapairofjeans(theTravellingPants)thattheytaketurnstowear.StarsAmericaFerrera.

Shrek(2001)(USA:PG)Agreatfamilylm.AgreenogresetsouttorehomethefairytalecreaturesthathavebeenplacedinhisswampbytheschemingLordFarquaad.Onhisjourney, he has to rescue Princess Fiona who has surprising issues with her appearanceFeaturesthevoicesofMikeMyers,EddieMurphyandCameronDiaz.

Documentaries

America The Beautiul(2007)(EditedversionUSA:PG-13)TacklesAmerica'sobsessionwith beauty. It mainly chronicles a 12 year old model becoming a grownup in the ashionindustry, but also touches on plastic surgery, celebrity worship, airbrushed advertising andhuman insecurities.

BeautyMark(2008)Presentsanalarming,infuriatingandattimeshumorouslookattheorces that shape our perceptions o beauty, as seen through the eyes o psychotherapistand ormer worldclass triathlete Diane Israel. She tells her own story whi le interviewing

other champion athletes, body builders, ashion models and innercity teens about theirexperiences relating to selimage.

Songs/music videos

Ugly(2005)bytheSugababes

Beautiul(2004)byChristinaAguilera

Other resources and inspirationOther resources and inspiration


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LeverFabergLtd(tradingasUnileverUK)2010.

Allrightsreserved.DOVEandthedovedeviceareregisteredtrademarks.

All copyright and other intellectual property rights in all text, images and othermaterialsinthisDoveSelf-EsteemActivityGuideareownedbyUnileverUK(anditsafliatedcompanies)orareincludedwiththepermissionoftherelevantowner.

The Dove SelEsteem Activity Guide has been suppliedto be used or educational purposes.

You are permitted to reproduce extracts by way o printing or photocopyingexclusively or educational purposes stated above.

Image o Nancy Etco courtesy o Al Carlay.

This Dove SelEsteem Activity Guide has been adapted, with permission,fromanoriginalresourcedevelopedbyRandellBynum(aformeryouthsocialworker),TonyaLeslie(aformereducatorandauthorofnumerousbooksfor

children)andtheGirlScoutsoftheUSA.FurtherinputhascomefromtheDoveSelf-EsteemFundAdvisoryBoard(seepage28).


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