East High School1600 City Park EsplanadeDenver, CO 80206

october2013 nihilsacrumest volume C

Could You Live on

$4.50 A Day?pages 12-13

[news]page 2 october 11, 2013

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

EDITORS-IN-CHIEFGrace McCabe, Ali Oksner, and Adelaide Sandvold

MEDIA DIRECTORAlessa Barton

MANAGING EDITORAbbey Lew

BUSINESS MANAGERWillow Turano

NEWS EDITORSean Price

FEATURES EDITORHarry Forbes

CENTER EDITORChad Hanna

STAFF WRITERSSpencer Soicher, Ella Westerfi eld, Arden Gehl, Rhianna Herd, Meredith Kelly, Annette Jackson, Sam Dapper, Lena Novins-Montague, Davis Murane, Addy Toevs, Sabrina Panagos, Caroline Smith, Josh Lew, Maddie Hughes, Jack Spano, Emma Buckwalter

PRINTED BY SIGNATURE OFFSET

East High Spotlight, Room 210A, 1600 City Park Esplanade, Denver, Colorado 80206

720.279.4629 | info@eastspotlight.com | www.eastspotlight.comOPINIONS EDITORNoah Reynolds

SPORTS EDITOREli Goldin

PHOTO EDITORAbby Sawyer

SPONSORMr. Mark Ajluni

PRINCIPALMr. Andy Mendelsberg

Some material courtesy of American Society of Newspaper Editors/MCT Campus High School Newspaper Service.

The Spotlight is published by the student newspaper staff of East High School. The views expressed are those of the individual students and do not necessarily refl ect those of the sponsor or of the staff as a whole. Student editors, not the administrators or the Denver Public Schools Board of Education, are

responsible for the content published.

The Denver courtroom was bristling with a tense energy. People fi le in

and take their seats and uncomfortably adjusting their bodies and muttering among themselves. Steven Kohuth, a counselor from East, is there to support Deyondrah’s mom, Eriana McLaughlin. East teacher Karen McChesney, Eriana’s co-workers and friends, and Deyon-drah’s close friend, Angela Wooster, are also in attendance. All these people have gathered to stand up for Deyon-drah in her absence.

Ko-huth recalls the eerie silence in the room until the moment the judge called out into the large room, “Erin Jackson?”

All heads in the room swiveled to a woman in her early 30s with short, light brown hair and glasses, she rises feeling the immediate pressure of every eye in the room upon her.

Erin Jackson was charged with leaving the scene of an accident where someone involved had been seriously injured. Th is was a result of the hit-and-run involving her and East student Deyondrah Bridgeman that occurred earlier this year on February 27th, 2013.

“Erin was actually sitting not too far from us and I didn’t realize that was her until the judge called her name and she stood up. Th at kind of freaked me out because it was like, oh my gosh, she’s right there.” Kohuth recounts.

As the trial progressed, McChesney remembers that the mood in the court-room got “heavier and heavier. It was just unbelievably intense.”

Angela Wooster was among the few people asked to speak about Deyondrah at the trial.

“I talked about our friendship and how we became friends. I talked about plans that we had for aft er school since we were going into our senior year and

I talked about how the accident aff ected me.” Wooster says thoughtfully.

Deyondrah’s mother spoke last. Kohuth remembers the moment Eriana began to speak, the courtroom was im-mediately riveted.

As she spoke, not a single person stirred, “I was sure I was going to miss her prom and her college graduation. I would never see her getting married and having kids. She would be such a great

mom. And I would never be able to see her get her drivers license, but

I know if she did and if she ever hit someone she wouldn’t have left them alone to die. Th is woman just hit her and left her in the street to die,” says Eriana emotionally. When she fi nished, she returned silently to her seat.

Kohuth recalls, “Th e judge then told Erin, ‘You should be locked up for what you did, sure you broke a law, but you

did much worse than that, you ignored the moral and human obligation to stop and render aid.’” As the judge spoke, Jackson began to choke up.

“When the judge spoke, it was like all of the tension went away,” Kohuth says, “because that’s when we knew, we knew he got it.”

Jackson was sentenced to fi ve years of probation, she must remain in Colo-rado, and complete 350 hours of com-munity service with victims of traumatic brain injuries. Since Jackson pleaded guilty she was off ered a plea bargain and was spared jail time.

“I made her community service hours be spending time and helping people

with brain injuries. Just to let her know how she has changed our life forever.”

Inside the Trial:by ardengehl

Cour

tesy

of W

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ord

Erin Jackson’s mugshot after her arrest In response to the verdict, Kohuth

explains, “We knew that because [Jack-son] had pleaded guilty she was unlikely to get jail time, but I appreciated the points the judge added on.”

“It’s horrifi c what Erin did, so of course I don’t think the sentence was fair.” McChesney says emotionally, “Deyondrah is a beautiful, determined young lady. She was a rule follower, if you asked, she would tell you, she always waited for the light to turn green before she crossed, because it was safer that way. I couldn’t believe that this hap-pened to her.”

Eriana explains the verdict her-self, “I’m seeing the news report that I wanted to let the teacher go and it was an act of forgiveness, but they have got it wrong. I wanted to be sure that she could not teach again. I didn’t want her to spend just six months in jail, which her lawyers could probably get her out of. Th ey consulted me and I wanted something to be on her permanent record, and so they gave her the felony. I made her community service hours be spending time and helping people with brain injuries. Just to let her know how she has changed our life forever.”

After an accident you are required to stop

your vehicle as soon as possible and remain at the scene until certain things are complete. In serious accidents, you must remain on

the scene until law en-forcement responds.

If the accident causes serious bodi-

ly injury to some-one: It is a Class 5 felony punishable by 1 to 3 years in prison and fi nes

reaching $500,000.

The Duty to Stop: Potential Charge:

The Verdict of Erin Jackson

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a

STAFF WRITERSSpencer Soicher, Ella Westerfi eld, Arden Gehl, Rhianna Herd, Meredith Kelly, Annette Jackson, Sam Dapper, Lena Novins-Montague, Davis Murane, Addy Toevs, Sabrina Panagos, Caroline Smith, Josh Lew, Maddie Hughes, Jack Spano, Emma Buckwalter

Some material courtesy of American Society of Newspaper Editors/MCT Campus High School

The Spotlight is published by the student newspaper staff of East High School. The views expressed are those of the individual students and do not necessarily refl ect those of the sponsor or of the staff as a whole. Student editors, not the administrators or the Denver Public Schools Board of Education, are

[news]october 11, 2013 page 3

It’s late. Too late. Late is when the weir-dos come in to Costco, and it’s been

a long nine days. Picking up extra shift s and working overtime, dealing with unhappy customers, and not taking any days off will be all worth it tomorrow. Tomorrow is when Eriana McLaughlin gets to see her daughter again. Th is will be the last visit before her daughter, Deyondrah Bridgeman, can come home, she will be back at school and back with her family again.

It’s been over seven months since Deyondrah crossed the street when the walk sign was green. Seven months since her and her family’s life was changed forever. Seven months since a school teacher ran a red light.

But now things are returning to nor-mal, kind of.

“She can talk to you, but you have to initiate conversation with her. Th ere’s been a huge improvement in the last few months. Dee has been in such a good mood lately.”

McLaughlin and her family are ready for Dee to come back to her real home, back to Denver. And so is Dee, anxiously waiting in Omaha for her chance to return, getting more and more ready to come home with each of her mother’s visits. McLaughlin’s two other daughters are ready also, who each get to talk with their sister on the phone every night.

“We just talk about our days and what’s new, I think it helps the girls a lot. And it helps me too.”

Deyondrah has led an incredible road to recovery since the tragic accident. At fi rst, she was es-sentially on her deathbed with severe brain trauma for three weeks, and was in a coma for a month.

“Dee had just been trans-ferred to Chil-dren’s Hos-pital

when the doctor told me that she was going to survive. I was so relieved to hear someone defi nitively say it that I kind of drowned out what he said next. He talked about how tough the road ahead was going to be, how much work it was going to take and how much of a strain it would put on me and the girls. I didn’t believe him, she’s fi ne, you think, but in the next month or so I knew I hadn’t been prepared for the amount of work it was, and the amount of work it will continue to be.”

Deyondrah was sent to a specialist facility in Omaha, Nebraska a month af-ter she had come out of her coma to help her rehabilitate. “For the fi rst month or so she was in Omaha, Dee had a lot of behavioral issues. She just missed her family. It used to just be hard to take her out to places in public, she couldn’t handle it and she didn’t seem to care about most things. But the last couple

times I’ve visited she is super excited about coming back home and going back to school.”

“It was really hard to go back and forth all those times, but it was worth it. My mom lived with us for a few months at fi rst to help out at the house, and now my Dad moved in from Or-egon and lives with us. We really try to be close as a family.”

Th e woman who struck Deyon-drah Bridgeman with her car, and then proceeded to drive away, is Erin Jack-son. She will receive no jail time for her crime, and under a plea agreement she will be charged with a Class-5 felony and 350 hours of community service.

Erin Jackson sent the family of Deyondrah Bridgeman a letter, a

letter of apology and explanation for her

crime.

Road to Recovery:by seanprice

Deyondrah Bridgeman’s Miraculous Journey Back to East

“I have the letter she sent me, and it is right now in my bedroom dresser. I read it with my family and immediately and just thought, wow, this is so weird. It seemed so insincere and fake and I just didn’t know how to deal at the time.”

7 News has re-ported the let-ter: “In a letter Jackson sent to Bridge-

man’s family, Jackson said she was extremely remorseful. She said the sun glare blinded her and she didn’t realize she had hit someone in the intersection. She said that she didn’t realize what she had done until she saw the news reports of police searching for a hit-and-run driver.”

“Maybe I will read it again someday, but it won’t be for a while.” McLaughlin states.

Now that Deyondrah is back at school, her close friend Angela Wooster visits her every day at lunch, “She imme-diately recognized me when I walked in the lunchroom the fi rst day. I talk with her all the time but it is diffi cult to start and continue a conversation with her. But it is amazing seeing her now, which is the fi rst time I had seen her since she went to Omaha.”

Th e East high community and the school in general helped out a lot with the medical bills for Deyondrah through fundraisers and donation websites. Th e Bridgeman family is incredibly thank-

ful for such a supportive community, McLaughlin concludes, “I just want

to say thank you to everybody who helped out. I want to say

thanks to Andy [Mendels-berg] and Steven [Kohuth] for calling all the time and dropping off dinners and asking if I needed any help and being super supportive. Th ank you for all of the families of

East for their sup-port.”

Counselor Steven Kohuth and Deyondrah Bridgeman together at EastPhot

o by

Ard

en G

ehl

“She can talk to you, but you have to initiate conversation with her. Th ere’s

been a huge improvement in the last few months. Dee has been in such a good

mood lately.”

[news]page 4 october 11, 2013

As you enter East High, you find security guard Keith Norris sitting

behind the desk, welcoming visitors, and monitoring the safety of students, teach-ers, and visitors through video cameras and a computer screen.

Last year, Norris was stationed in the student parking lot in what is still known as “Keith’s house,” but due to new security changes, the lot is now Keith-less. In response to an increase in school violence, Denver Public Schools has required all schools to make changes to their security. New security uniforms, cameras, pepper spray, handcuffs, and identification improvements have all been added to East’s security this year. Yet, with all these additions the building budget limits the school to only three secu-rity guards. Rather than four, thus, Keith’s new location.

Fellow security guard Mandi Trujillo walks down the hall. She stands up straight, and an air of pride is apparent from her movements. She knows the school, and she does her job well. “I feel safe here,” Trujillo explains, as she walks toward the security room. She’s worked at East for six years, and clearly she knows her way around. Though the school hasn’t drasti-cally changed over that time, security’s standards have especially this year.

According to Trujillo, improvements of staff identification are occurring. Key passes are currently being made for each of the staff members and key swiping stations have been measured and fit-ted for the front entrance doors. “That should be done by Christmas break,” Trujillo predicts.

New safety measures have also been taken to make security more effec-tive. The three security guards of East High—Keith Norris, Mandi Trujillo, and Robert Sottiaux—all had to attend a four-day training session with other DPS guards. There they learned defensive moves and key pressure points that can be used against potential threats. Each are now required to carry pepper spray

and hand-cuffs around school.

While the district requires that secu-rity officials carry these devices to

protect themselves in an emergency, both Assistant Principal Jann Peterson and Trujillo admit that it is unlikely that it would be used in the building, as it would negatively affect students and any other faculty or visitors in the immedi-ate area.

“We didn’t have a lot of concerns about handcuffs. My feeling is that un-less the police need us to assist in doing that, we’re not doing that,” Jann Peter-

son expresses. “The pepper spray was concerning because it would be in the air and so there would be unintended potential victims to it being in the build-ing.”

While these devices are aimed to-ward increased student safety, the three guards of East are not enthused by their presence.

“I’m not really comfortable with it. We feel like we’re just toting it around, because we don’t feel that it’s necessary,” Keith Norris explains. “Out of the 17 years I’ve been here I never thought it was necessary to have pepper spray and handcuffs. We’ve only had them since the beginning of school. We are very

happy that they haven’t been used.”Although the district has enlisted

the devices for a purpose, he does not want to handcuff nor pepper spray students at East. “You are good kids, we don’t want to cuff you. We already have cops and we don’t want to do their job.”

Although they possess these intense protective devices, one less security guard results in miscellaneous staff members sometimes having to stay longer or pay closer attention in order to keep the school safe during events after the guards leave work in the evening.

“We could get more officers but we would have to pay for that out of our own building budget,” Peterson explains. According to Norris, each additional security guard costs the school up to $25,000.

The security staff has also recently donned new uniforms to change the perception of security’s preparedness—guards now wear shirts that clearly label them as security. “Appearance is everything,” according to Trujillo. People can now identify the security personnel easily in a large school such as East.

Norris tucks his handcuffs and pepper spray back onto his belt and gives them a gentle pat, saying he hopes he will never have to use them. His gaze shifts back to the screen where he becomes the eyes of the school. It is due to the vigilant security team that East re-mains a safe and well-functioning place for students and staff, and the recent security changes are likely to improve its success in the future.

by meredithkelly

“You are good kids, we don’t want to cuff you. We already have cops and we don’t want

their job.”

Spray and Cuffs

Phot

o by

Abb

ey Le

w

Keith displaying his new handcuffs and pepper spray that he hopes to never use.

Crime incidents from York to Detroit around East in the past month

2 Burglaries 5 Larcenies 11 Drug and Alcohol 2 Theft from Vehicle 1 Auto Theft 1 Public Disorder

East improves security protocol

A student sits with pencil in hand, going over the algebra

problem again and again in his head, trying to remember the equation he learned over eight months ago. Two more problems he can’t remember and his blood starts to rush; he’s been trained to worry about standardized test scores. At the same time, his teacher nervously watches, already sweating, thinking about her next paycheck and evaluation that will directly result from her students’ test scores.

In 2011, a new bill was passed from the Colorado Department of Education that refers to the evaluation of teachers. Starting in 2014, Senate Bill 10-191 will be in full eff ect. It uses six new quality standards to evaluate teachers and how eff ective they are. Five of the quality standards account for 50% of the teacher’s rating all together. Th e sixth standard, student test scores, is the other 50% of the rating.

Th e bill also specifi es that teacher evaluations must take place annually and must be satisfactory for at least three years in order for a teacher to receive tenure. While the senate bill focuses on making sure that every teacher is as good as they can be, the emphasis on student testing has been very controver-sial.

Not only does the bill hold teachers and students accountable for student’s test scores, but the bill also holds schools accountable using the standardized test scores. Th e results of state testing, such as TCAP determine a school’s funding and rating within the country.

Matthew Fulford, a social studies teacher, is frustrated with the emphasis put on standardized testing, “We want to make sure we have good teachers in every classroom, but do I think that we need to have those teachers measured by 50% of their evaluation based on a test score? No, because that is not a kind of fair evaluation of what those teachers are doing in the classroom.”

David Stoler, a special education teacher states, “Th e dependence on standardized tests is just a little too high. I think they are a good tool for gathering information, but I think that there is so much more depth to education-related issues, they’re only one piece of a much larger puzzle.”

Teachers aren’t the only ones feeling frustrated with the current teacher eval-uation system though. Some students also question the ideas within the bill.

East senior Sydney Ivey says, “A test doesn’t tell someone that I know the

information, so it’s a bad way to evaluate students and it’s a bad way to evaluate teachers, because ev-ery teacher teaches diff erently. I have teachers that teach based on the AP test and then I have teach-ers that teach you based on what they think you need to know, and that’s not always seen through a standardized test.”

Th e larger question at the root of the testing controversy: What defi nes education?

Michael Hernandez, another social studies teacher at East, meets the question head on by asking, “Is [education] to prepare stu-dents to take tests? Is it all about competition? Or are we here to foster a love of learning? To engage critical thinking skills? To get kids ready for college or other careers? It should really be about creating citizens that engage in the world around them.”

Language arts teacher Mark Ajluni concurs, “Th e new law grades teachers based on an extremely narrow criterion. It mea-sures whether students can per-form well on tests, not on whether

they can help a student grow into a well-rounded young adult, a goal perhaps far more noble than simply performing on a multiple choice test.”

Fulford believes the solution to the evaluation is-sue should be a mix between observation of teachers and evaluations by students. He

says that teachers need to have an “administrator who you trust, who understands teach-ing well, to see what goes on inside your classroom oft en, to build a big picture. Not one observation a year, not one observation a semester. Just kind of seeing and knowing what you do in your classroom and what it looks like.”

He also believes in students having more of an opportunity than they do now to evaluate their teachers, say-ing that, “By the time you get to high school, you’ve experi-enced a lot of teaching, you’ve met a lot of teachers, and you know when you’re learning and when you’re not.” Th e new evaluation system does take into account student opinions, but it only accounts for a small

portion of a teacher’s overall evaluation.On the other hand, Hernandez

believes that while the current system is ineff ective, they should keep a frame-work. He makes the point that the cur-rent rubric is way too stringent and with a more fl exible rubric, teachers could be more eff ectively graded.

With the new senate bill coming into full eff ect, many wonder if it accom-plishes the goal of eff ectively grading teachers and if it is providing teachers with a fair opportunity to prove their skills. Regardless, the result that it has on testing for students and teachers is signifi cant and is already impacting the East community.

Whose Test Is It Anyway?by ellawesterfi eld

Phot

o by

Ella

Wes

terfi

eld

[news]october 11, 2013 page 5

Changes in teacher evaluations stirs controversy at East

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At the Pulse of the Neighborhood!

1910 South Corona StreetDenver, Colorado 80210

Ra Ra RiotJake Sawyer was running late. Aft er

pushing through the fi rst half of the week he was eager to support the Angels as they battled North High in soccer. When he fi nally arrived, the game had already started, but he found his friends and settled in. Aft er a few minutes, he wanted to spread some spirit throughout the students. He stood tall and began to shout, “Give me an S! Give me an E! Give me an X! What does that spell?”

He thought that the wide eyes sur-rounding him were looks of excitement in response to his cheer. Little did he know that the students had been specifi -cally warned not to use the traditional racy chants during the game unless they were prepared to face the consequences.

“Ms. Porter came up to me and said I had to leave,” Sawyer says. “I tried to reason with her so I could get back into the soccer game but I was kicked out.” He didn’t see the situation as “that harmful of an act”, but Athletic Direc-tor Lisa Porter was acting in response to the Colorado High School Activities Association Sportsmanship Manual. Th e list of unacceptable behavior at CHSAA contests includes “Derogatory/disre-spectful chants” and “use of profanity”.

“Th ere was a very clear warning at the beginning of the game,” says Porter. “I said to the student body, I want you

to cheer loud, I want you to cheer for our team. You can use the ‘East’ cheer, the ‘Halo’ cheer, the ‘EA cheer’…but no cheers of any sexual nature.”

Since games are attended by East families, community members, and alumni alike, Porter is embarrassed by the inappropriate behavior of the students. “When someone brings their child to watch a game and [the profane cheers] are what they hear, that’s not something to be proud of.” She believes that “we should demonstrate who we are and what we are while we’re at games.”

Sawyer disagrees. He insists that even though children are present at the games, the fact that they don’t know what the innuendos mean make them harmless. “It’s not like their parents are going to come over and yell at us for saying ‘sex.’”

Porter believes that the students are capable of showing team spirit in a way that wouldn’t pose a chance to off end others. “We’re smart enough that we can come up with much better cheers that are much more about supporting our team…Th ere are plenty of people who come to our games just to watch our fans because we’re creative. Being creative and classy is one thing, but be-ing creative and classless is just embar-rassing.”

Senior Isabelle Gordon sees it diff erently.“Th ey’re a school tradition, I remember them from when I was a freshman…I think taking away those chants is just rough on us. If they really were a problem of making us look bad, wouldn’t they have stopped them when they started?” Gordon and many of her peers are surprised that the reaction to the chants was so strong at this game in comparison to all preceding games.

“Th ere are such better things that they could be focusing on,” Sawyer says as he shakes his head. “Some kid expressing himself at a soccer game isn’t as important as threats on kids in the school or the kids who don’t eat. People are dealing drugs out the back door, yet I’m getting targeted. I just don’t think that that’s fair.”

by adelaidesandvoldDirty cheers spell trouble for students

out the back door, yet I’m

photo by Abby Sawyer

Porter knows that Angels are ca-pable of behaving and having fun at ath-letic events. She describes how the sub-sequent match against Faith Christian was free of profanity. “[Th e students] did a great job cheering, they had fun, and it never got inappropriate…Th ere were fi ve hundred kids there and they were super positive all the way through.”

Th e desire to have fun is the leading point of all perspectives of the cheer-ing controversy. No one wants there to have to be an announcement of what’s expected before each game. Administra-tors and students agree that East games should be memorable and comfortable

experiences that give stu-dents a chance to support their fellow Angels, even if some of them do happen to be running a few min-

utes late.

East welcomes students from all corners of the globe Coming to America

by lenanovins-montague

Bianca Homberger, a Swiss foreign exchange student, began her fi rst

day at American school on August 27th. While orienting herself with the laby-rinth of classes and participating in lame name games, she had time to observe many things. Among these observations, the most appar-ent was the lack of “fat people.”East has sixteen foreign ex-change students this year from countries as exotic as Ethiopia, Brazil, China, Italy, and Switzerland.

Hannah Weisbach, from Germany, didn’t get to choose where in the United States she would spend a year of her life. It was a leap of faith, to say the least. On the subject of being at such a large school, she says, “I think people don’t

see me and think, oh, a person I don’t know, they must be new! Th ey just see me and think, another person I don’t know.”

Homberger, on the other hand, actually selected Denver. Even though

her experi-ence has been predominantly positive, she did leave behind her home, her friends, and her native language.

She says, “When I was 7, I heard about a girl who did an exchange and the fi rst thought I had was, ‘I want do that too’. At the beginning my parents, were like, no you won’t want to do that, you just say that now. But they were proud of me to do this, to be able to do it.”

On the subject of her peers doing

the same, she says, “My close friends, no one of them does it. Because they all have boyfriends, they have actual stuff .” She laughs, “Yeah, that’s not my prob-lem, so. Th ey all thought, oh my god, a whole year? Can you do that? Won’t you get homesick? And I’m like, it’s just a year. It’s a great year. It’s diff erent…it’s amazing.”

A year abroad clearly isn’t a typi-cal thing to do, but Homberger says, “I just wanted to learn English really good. And I wanted to be independent, and mature, and just grow up. Just to have the courage to go up people and talk to them even if you don’t know them, which you have to do as an exchange student, because otherwise it won’t work out for you.”

When asked about the biggest dif-ferences, Weisbach wwsays, “When I walk from one class to the other class,

“Th ey [said] ‘A whole year? Won’t you get homesick?’ [But] it’s a great year. It’s diff erent. It’s

amazing.”

(continued on page 7)

[features]page 6 october 11, 2013

Dreams of AngelsLike clockwork, senior Calvin Barrett

has gone up to the mountains and skied every weekend from November to April for the past three years. Rain, snow, or shine, the senior would take the long drive up to the mountains. Sometimes late Friday, oft entimes early Saturday, but the weekends were always the same: a long drive there, two days on the slopes, and a long drive back. And every Sunday it’d be the same: he’d have to say goodbye to all his friends in the mountains, who could ski all week long.

Even though Barrett is sponsored by several companies, including Icel-antic Skis, he still doesn’t think he skis enough. “I feel behind, honestly,” he admits. “[Skiing only twice a week] holds me back because, obviously, the more you ski the better you get, y’know? Th e best riders...they’re the same age as me. I’m almost 18, and for the ski in-dustry, that’s not that young. It’s not that impressive to be super good, or even get to pro level at 18 anymore. I’m trying to

catch up this year.”Barrett’s not the

only one trying to catch up. Fellow seniors Sam Buck-melter and Tanner Shelp, avid snowboarders, also searched for a way to spend more time on the slopes, but were encumbered by this little thing called high school. Soon, they all came up with the solution: graduating early.

“Of course, if I snowboard every day I’m going to be better than if I only snow-board

twice a week,”

states Buckmelter

bluntly. “A lot of people have

lived up in the mountains their whole lives and have a big head start on me. But it’s not really about other people. I don’t care if what they’re doing is gnar-lier than what I’m doing. I’m just stoked for them, and if I see them do some-thing that inspires me then that’s how I become better.”

“I always thought I would need to do online class-es to graduate early,” admits Shelp. “But Sam told me he was just doubling on some classes to get done. Sure enough, all that was left was to get a schedule made with my required courses and to write a letter to Mr. Mendelsberg. He approved me to be done early since he understood that I was pursuing my passion, not just getting done for the sake of not going to school anymore.”

It’s true that the fi rst thing one no-tices when talking to any of these riders is their passion. “My goal is to be able to travel and do some really cool things

because of snowboarding, to be the best that I can be, and

to get people stoked

to snowboard,”

says Buckmelter. While Barrett, Buckmel-

ter, and Shelp all love the mountains equally, they have diff erent motivations for

leaving early. While Barett is fo-cusing on skill competitions

and Buckmelter is look-ing for exposure

for his spon-sors,

Shelp’s got a diff erent goal.

“I like fi lming with my friends. [When] I was on the

Winter Park Snowboard team I started making these little videos on

YouTube called Flippin’ Bird Produc-tions, which started as a joke, but now some of them are on the Transworld snowboarding site and one got over 10,000 views. [It’s not] because we are great snowboarders, but people like how much fun we have and thats why they watch them. I still don’t know why we

have so many video views, but people must like what we’re doing.”

Appearing on Transworld is no joke. As the website of the most widely circulated snowboard magazine in the world, it’s the premier online destination for almost every snowboarder in the community.

“I’ve been reading the magazine since I was young, so see-ing myself on the site was crazy to me,” says Shelp. “It was funny,

because people commented saying it was the worst thing they had ever seen on the site, but it made us more popular and relevant.”

Being more relevant in the riding community is a driving factor for Shelp’s early departure, but Buckmelter has a diff erent rationale. “Th e main reason I’m leaving early is so I can start the rest of my life earlier,” admits Buckmelter.

“When I’m at school, I can’t travel and compete out of state, and I miss class all the time,” sighs Barrett. “Skiing, if you really want to get into it, is a big commitment, and I want to take it to a point where I can hopefully do some-thing with it, at least for like a year or

two.”While it’s his greatest love, he

knows that his route in life may not be down the slopes. But this

is his best chance to be great at what he loves. “I’m shooting an unguided arrow right now and seeing what happens, which might seem a little reckless to some people, but we’ll see how it goes. If I can take it somewhere, I don’t see why I shouldn’t try.”

“[It] might seem a little reck-less to some people, but we’ll see how it goes. If I can take it somewhere, I don’t see why I

shouldn’t try.”

catch up this year.”

only one trying Fellow

if I snowboard

than if I only snow-board

because of snowboarding, to be the best that I can be, and

to get people stoked

ter, and Shelp all love the mountains equally, they have diff erent motivations for

leaving early. While Barett is fo-cusing on skill competitions

and Buckmelter is look-ing for exposure

for his spon-sors,

thing with it, at least for like a year or two.”

knows that his route in life may

Senior skiiers stoked for early dismissalby harryforbes

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[features]october 11, 2013 page 7

(continued from page 6)

Prestige

International students experience American life

a security man came to me and said, ‘HURRY UP! YOU ONLY HAVE TWO MINUTES TO GET TO CLASS!’ And in Germany it’s so easy, it’s okay if you come a bit later, and the teacher sometimes comes a bit later. It was really weird.”

In terms of sporting events, Con-stantin Herberger from Austria says, “We go to a soccer game in Europe and there’s drums and people sing songs all the time, the entire game. At Broncos games, everybody just claps and sings only one song.”

Th e drinking age in Switzerland, Austria, and Germany is sixteen, and eighteen for hard liquor. In Austria, the same age applies to cigarette smok-ing. Marijuana is outlawed in all three countries, in stark contrast to the US. Herberger says, “Teenagers smoke cigarettes more than they smoke weed.” Wesibach says, “We go to clubs more than we go to house parties. It can get crazy, but it’s fun.”

Homberger says that the two cities are surprisingly similar, in terms of food and weather. Swiss teenagers also listen to American music and watch the same movies as we do because, “Swiss music is really bad.” And then she pauses, and says, “I think Denver is kind of a European city. Kind of.” She hesitates to say why, but fi nally ad-mits, “It’s just how I actually… I don’t see fat people.”

When she pulls a Hostess cupcake out of her lunch box, and is asked how American chocolate compares to Swiss chocolate, she looks sympathetic. “It is very bad. I’m sorry. I gave my host brother Swiss chocolate and he told me, he will never eat Hershey’s again.”

Worldwide

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“We raise awareness about sustainability and horticulture. Right now we’re trying to build an actual aquaponics system in the green

house to grow stuff really quickly,” says senior Gabe Fine.

“It’s cool, you get to do a lot of hands-on stuff , y’know, building things

yourself.”

[features]page 8 october 11, 2013

by samdapper and eligoldin

Going Clubbin’:

Clubs are an integral part of the East experience, and everyone knows the old favorites-Speech and Debate, Rugby, National Honors Society, and East Th eatre Company-but there are scores of students who spend their lunches or aft er school time on things a little out of the ordinary. Here, the Spotlight profi les fi ve of them. Anime Club

Th e Anime Club meets every Th ursday to watch and discuss pieces of media that utilize the Japa-nese animation style. “But don’t call it cartoons,”

the club sponsor, Mr. Chimento, is quick to point out. Some of the more popular releases include Cowboy Bebop and W o l f ’ s Rain.

the club sponsor, Mr. Chimento, is quick to point out. Some of the more popular releases include Cowboy Bebop and W o l f ’ s Rain.

Kendo ClubTh e Kendo club meets weekly to prac-tice and learn the ancient art of sword-fi ghting, focusing on the traditonal Japanese saber, the Katana. “I created the club because I love martial arts

and I have been doing it since I was 7 years old”, says the club’s founder, junior Matt Creery. Another member, freshman Charlie McGrigg,

is “excited that there are options for groups

like this, [because] they allow students to fi nd others similar to themselves.”

Ouroboros Project was started in 2011, aft er seniors Jean

Marc d’Estree Brian Winstanley, among others, returned from attending a leadership

program in Kenya. “In Kenya, we learned about a plethora of the issues surrounding the incredible amounts of waste in slums,” remembers Winstanley, “along with ways to take the waste and make use of

it.” So they created the Ouroboros Project, which raises awareness in the Denver community about the importance of “not wasting.” Th ey also raise

money to help their “international partner,” a Kenyan entrepreneur named John Mwangi,

who attemps to expand sustainability eff orts to more remote regions of

Kenya.

Ourobouros Project

Slackline Club “I thought it would be fun to get people

together,” says senior and club president Spencer Junik. “I’ve met a lot of

new people and I’ve made some good friends.” Th e club meets at

City Park on an occasional basis to practice the art of Austrailian slacklining.

together,” says senior and club president Spencer Junik. “I’ve met a lot of

new people and I’ve made some good friends.” Th e club meets at

City Park on an occasional basis to practice the art of Austrailian slacklining.

The fi ve most obscure clubs at East

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We had never been hungry.We sat in class fourth period

and whined about the last ten min-utes before lunch, keeping us from our savory burritos. We rushed home aft er school and opened our overfl owing pantries and complained to our mothers that there’s nothing to eat. We tried to contribute to conversations about the 40 billion dollars the House of Representa-tives tried to cut from Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Programs (SNAP or food stamps). We realized we had no credibility in our arguments because we knew nothing about food insecurity.

Ron Shaich, millionaire and CEO of Panera Bread, came to that same realiza-tion. He decided to live seven days on the SNAP Challenge, spending $4.50 per day on food. He blogged. We read. We were inspired.

Ten of us chose to undertake the SNAP Challenge for only fi ve days, Monday September 23rd to Friday September 27th. We started, knowing that some of our classmates face this struggle everyday (approximately one in four kids in the US does). To those students, we want to clarify that we are not pretending to know your experience. We lived 120 hours with only one aspect of our lives transformed and none of the other variables that contribute to food

insecurity. We had access to personal transportation, we slept in heated homes and we knew we’d be full on Saturday. In no way did this compare to the chal-lenges faced every day by 48 million Americans.

Our fi rst encounter with actual hunger made a unique impression on each of us. Of the original group, only six participants continued the challenge through the week. Engagement in this challenge was in no way mandatory; those reliant on federal aid don’t have the luxury to make that choice.

Hunger is not theoretical. It is messy and stressful and a concrete burden of-ten placed on hard-working individuals. We commend our political representa-tives who are informed of this imbal-ance. However, many in Washington, D.C. are seemingly unaware that this affl iction impacts children the most. An empty young stomach in class should not be punished by the satisfi ed bellies of our legislators. One cannot blame laziness for the malnourishment that plagues our youth.

We still don’t know what hunger is. Our simulation was only a small taste of a wildly complex issue. We gained perspective and we believe that’s worth-while.

What can you buy with $4.50?

I have type-1 diabetes and sometimes I need to consume sugar to stabilize my blood sugar. I constantly have a

source of food on me. During the SNAP Challenge any food that I would

have to use for my diabetes I wouldn’t count towards the week’s $22.50. Nothing happened during the two days that I participated but it is disconcerting and mind-boggling that a child actually on food stamps would have to spend money on something that he or she needs to survive.

I take my food and sugar for granted, if I need to eat for my diabetes, so what? If a child on food stamps needs to, that might mean the child has to sacrifi ce a future

meal. Th e reason I stopped the SNAP Challenge aft er only a few days was that I had a tennis match during the aft ernoon and when I got home, I just ate the entire box of crackers that I bought for the week in roughly a half hour.

Th at everpresent juice pouch in my bag is a comfort that those diabetic reliant on SNAP don’t have.

Diabetic Diffi culties

My hands trembled. My knees wobbled. My vision was slightly out of focus and I was desperate. It sounds like a

sappy description of love but no, I’m referring to malnourish-ment.

I spent my stressful grocery shopping experience scaveng-ing for the lowest priced products with the highest levels of protein.

I’ve been repeatedly educated in good nutri-tion. I was fi rst taught the food pyramid in my elementary school Brownie troupe and since then, it’s been obvious that my mother empha-sizes healthy consumption: the importance of balanced meals and taking my gummy vitamins to fi ll in the holes.

Peanut butter, a high-fat, high-sugar, reasonably-priced product, was the main staple of my diet. On my incredibly low budget, I couldn’t aff ord to buy tofu or cheese or even fresh vegetables.

Forced to completely ignore everything I’d ever learned about nutrition, I relied on high calorie foods that could pro-vide fl eeting bursts of energy if any. I was content snacking on terribly processed bread just to feel full.

Th e seemingly oxymoronic relationship between obesity and poverty fi nally made sense. It was basically impossible to take care of my body within my economical constraints.

As I shift back to my regular diet, I’m cognizant of my nutritional education and grateful that I have the resources to make us of it.

A Crumbled Food Pyramid

by gracemccabe & alioksner

What can you buy with $4.50?or or or

The Spotlight staff experiences

food insecurity for the fi rst time

by seanprice

by alioksner

[spotlight on hunger]page 12 october 11, 2013

Armed with the conventional wisdom that healthy food is expensive, I struck out to purchase groceries

for fi ve days with only $22.50. As I timidly fi lled my basket with a meager attempt at a balanced diet and agonized over every choice (with good reason; the de-cision to spend 30 cents extra on crunchy peanut butter came back to haunt me when I ran out of yogurt at the end of the week), I realized that nutrition is not the only luxurious choice unavailable to shoppers on food stamps.

When you’re living on $4.50 a day, you can’t aff ord to care if the produce you’re buying was grown in a sustainable fashion or if the grocery store you go to treats its

employees well. When developers wanted to put a Walmart at 9th Avenue and Colorado

Boulevard last year, I opposed it. However, dur-ing my short experience trying to fi ll my stom-ach on a small budget, I would have welcomed Walmart’s discount prices. Socially conscious citizens “vote with their

money” and express their values by deciding which busi-nesses to support, but to Americans relying on SNAP, that’s not an option. A portion of my freedom of speech was taken away when my resources were.

For me, it was an unpleasant experience. For the 48 mil-lion Americans who rely on SNAP to feed themselves and their families, it’s an injustice they have to deal with every day.

Socially Conscious Appetites

care if the produce you’re buying was grown in a sustainable

Eating off of $4.50 a day was not all that hard. Th e the main tactic that allowed me to stay under-

budget was buying nuts, dried fruit and other mixes on sale in bulk from natural foods stores. I was able to spend beyond my total budget and then calculate the cost of what I actually consumed.

Nuts provide protein, essential oils, and are high in calo-ries (so I did not need to eat large amounts to stay full). With my savings, I was able to splurge on small amounts of bulk cof-fee, fresh produce and bottle of Kombu-cha on the last day.

However, most people on food stamps would never go into a natural food store due to the high prices in advertisements, and would not know how inexpensive bulk food could be. Even if they did, getting to these stores and leaving with a bag groceries for the week might prove to be a problem for the real people on a $4.50 meal budget (buses, driving range limited by amount of gas, etc).

I am not claiming to truly understand the hunger struggle, but maybe if bulk foods were made more accessible in com-mon grocery and convenience stores, a positive step could be made towards alleviating hunger pains.

Aft er doing the SNAP Challenge, spending $4.50 a day on food, I felt tired and irritated. I am so used

to using food as an outlet for my stress, boredom, and energy. I usually feel a crash in my energy around 3 o’clock, and when this comes on I take a trip to Star-bucks to get a latte.

As I was planning out my diet for the week, while staying within my budget, I did not have any room for a grande vanilla latte. Instead, I stuck

with Kroger green tea, which I still enjoy, but I needed the pick me up of a milky, sweet coff ee.

My menu mostly consisted of an apple, soup, and green beans. Th is got boring. I do see it as being possible to live off of $4.50 a day, but it involves many sacrifi ces.

Benefi ts of Bulk

It may seem odd to appreciate a single, plain, piece of toast. But it’s my last day. I’ve gone through a week of empty stom-

achs, skipped breakfasts and tiny sandwiches. I’ve walked into Qdoba with a single, sad plastic bag while my friends feasted on burritos the size of my head. I’ve gone to bed, my lips still wet with beef ramen broth. But it’s my last day.

As I took my fi rst bite into the wheat square, I congratulated myself on a week well done. I conquered my own rumbling stomach. I experienced true hunger. I went fi ve days spending less than fi ve dollars on all three meals and snacks. I was a champ.

But as I took my second bite into my plain toast, I remem-bered that this was all an experiment. I wasn’t actually on food stamps. Th e next morning I would wake up to a bagel, some eggs, maybe even a smoothie. I could eat a burrito or a ham-burger or a sub sandwich or a slice of pizza for lunch the next

day. Th e possibilities were endless. However, sadly, for the more than one in seven of

all Americans that are on food stamps, the possibilities aren’t endless. Tough choices have to be made. People

have to ask themselves “Do I want milk or toothpaste this week?”

For 40% of that group, SNAP is the only resource they have to buy food. Th e recent slash in the program is the last straw. We can’t expect people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps when their boots are being pulled off by the gov-ernment simultaneously.

Lack of Lattes

or

Food In Sight

by gracemccabe

by alessabarton

by harryforbes

by willowturanoFood Insecurity in

America48 million Americans rely on SNAP to feed themselves and their families

1 in 4 American children rely on SNAP

40% of people on SNAP have no other resources to spend on food

$40 billion in cuts to SNAP were recently

passed by the House of Representatives

Do you care about this issue? Take the SNAP Challenge yourself or write to your

Congressmen about food insecurity issues.

Representative Dianna Degette:

2368 Rayburn House Offi ce Building

Washington, D.C. 20515-4329Senator Mark Udall:

www.markudall.senate.gov/?p=contact_us

Senator Michael Bennet:www.bennet.senate.gov/con-

tact/email

[spotlight on hunger]october 11, 2013 page 13

achs, skipped breakfasts and tiny sandwiches. I’ve walked into

my friends feasted on burritos the size of my

Disparity in Popularity

You know them when you see them. They sit in class behind you but

never learn your name. You hold open the door and they neglect to thank you. They lurk in the bathroom, reapplying lip gloss and tirelessly trash-talking their friends. You call them cool. But you don’t actually think they’re cool. You would probably never want to emulate their behavior. Somehow, we continue to blur that distinction.

Cool has been a preferred adjective for American youth for decades. Its use reaches from good music to incredible experiences to a visually pleasing hair swoop. It describes Zac Efron stepping out of his car in a white t-shirt and

aviator sunglasses with a leather jacket slung over his shoulder. It describes the American ideal of perfection, effortless perfection. That’s the key to cool – hav-ing everything figured out.

Honestly, that timeless Popular Kid vs. Nerd struggle has evolved. Instead of a jock shoving a loser in the hallway, we judge our friends or disregard our classmates. Real-istically, there is no distinguished group of con-ceited adolescents who run our school with their nose jobs in the air. Now, popularity lies in the choice we each make, every day, to either figure things out or pretend we already have.

In middle school, I started question-ing my own goals. I thought about the way I used the word “popularity” com-pared to its actual definition. I hated it. I

realized that I’d been using popularity as a synonym for infamous – recognition through negative behavior. I found that I don’t want to be notorious; I want to be beloved.

I want to be the girl who sits by you in class and learns your name. I want to thank you when you open the door.

I want to be known as some-one who cares, who doesn’t have anything figured out but knows that there’s

no way I’ll gain wisdom by making you feel inadequate. Being nice does not make me fake or a doormat. I’m not trying to say that I don’t ever strive for the wrong type of cool – I often do. I can be an insecure gossip and I lie, too. However, I make a concerted effort to

embody the kind of acceptance I’d like to see, especially with those I don’t know.

I have so many classmates who complain about being judged, feel-ing outcast. Yet, I’ve never seen those students start to glance beyond their narrow social vision. They wave to (maybe) two people in the hallway on their way to class. To those idle whiners, I’ve found it’s our responsibility to earn an accepting community.

My preferred definition of popular-ity is deserved love from the public. I en-courage you to think about finding your own interpretation. Please, stop equating popularity to recognition of any sort. The word and its users deserve better.

“Please, stop equating popularity to recognition

of any sort.”

by alioksner

2,400 Heads Are Better than One

by sabrinapanagos

My restless steps overwhelm the worn concrete stairs. I walk with

a purpose, a purpose to get from point A to point B and to make sure my brain soaks in the worthy information in between. I would definitely say there is a compromised relationship between the two. I’m not going to lie, getting my feet stepped on by the 2,400 students with similar motives gets annoying, but knowing that we’re all set up with opportunities for success is worth the bruised and bloody toes.

A crammed hallway gets annoying, but when weighing squeeze against the education I’m receiving and the dedicat-ed teachers I have, I’ll take the squeeze.

Everyday I walk through the hallways of a beautiful building where thousands of different people have shuffled through over the past 100 years. There are a lot of students at East, the rush to be first in line at Which Wich or to make it to 7th period on time is real, and it’s something that gets frustrating. I have definitely felt the pain of everyone who knows they’re going to be late to their next class because the stairs are too crowded, and it stinks. However, that class is just one contribution to our highly ranked school.

“It has nothing to do with size, it has to do with how careful you are with the students you have, how much you keep track of who you have,” says Mr. Lucero, AP human geography teacher

and Professional Development Coor-dinator who has been teaching at East for over twenty-two years. “I like the fact that more and more people want to come to this school. Over time, East gets bigger and bigger because people recognize its goal to benefit all kids.”

After hearing Mr. Lucero’s point of view on East’s student body size, I have to say my mind took a full 180, and I recognized that though we go to a huge school, everyone is provided with different opportunities to grow and prepare for a higher form of edu-cation. Our graduation rate is at a full 92% based off of the 2013 senior class, higher than it’s ever been. There is a

close eye kept on students who are not as academically successful. At the end of each week, teachers send in an eligibility form that not only determines whether a student can play a sport or not, but to keep administrators aware of who is not meeting expectations. East has an organized system to keep everyone in check, including both students and the teachers.

It is easy to get frustrated with our highly populated school. I’ve heard com-plaints about the size of our incoming freshman classes more times than I can count. However, it’s vital to reconsider that all of these young students want to come to East because of its opportunity

and because there is something to do for everyone, no matter what they’re in-terested in. There are so many different things to do that can appeal to different types of people.There’s an endless range of clubs and activities, and support pro-vided to anyone willing to take the step to reach out for it.

The growth in East’s student body still remains a great issue, and the solu-tion lies in separate campus for incom-ing freshman.

Not only would an annexed cam-pus make more room in our hallways, it would give incoming freshmen the opportunity to slowly adjust into the lifestyle of East, while still receiving the quality education they deserve. East comes head on, packed full of privi-leges, some that can be overwhelming and confusing for younger students. A separate campus would provide support and allow for a much more keen eye on freshmen not meeting expectations, as well as upperclassmen who struggle in disguise.

2,400 heads packed with endless ideas are much better than one. Every single one of us is handed the potential to succeed the first day we walk through the big, ancient doors. I’m proud to be part of such an inclusive community and can’t wait for the day I walk in a red cap and gown, following the people with whom I’ve spent the best four years of my life.

[opinions]page 14 october 11, 2013

Why overcrowding is underrated

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Troubling NonchalanceKids swarm everywhere. Some

heading towards their cars in the congested school parking lot, others nonchalantly pausing to converse with their friends. Bikers head in the direc-tion of the park, while walkers stroll towards their houses or along Colfax for something to eat. To any onlooker this is nothing more than a normal end of a school day at East High School, but other than the trou-bling nonchalance of the students, this scene is anything but ordinary. An unorganized, jumbled mass of more than 2,000 kids have all surfaced at once due to an early release aft er a lockdown. Th e fl awed and chaotic release during the lockdown calls into question East’s preparedness in the event of school-wide threats.

According to Fox 31 News, the lockdown was implemented because of fear of gang retaliation as a result of

by maddiehughesa much more organized form of release.

If anything, this lockdown was a practice test, and I am unimpressed at the potential danger in which students were placed. It would have been much more orderly to release students by grade in ten minute intervals. Th is would result in a signifi cant reduction in the number of cars leaving the parking lot, and also allow security guards to ef-fi ciently protect kids without becoming overwhelmed by the number of people.

While it is the administration’s responsibility to ensure an organized lockdown, students must have the maturity to handle the situation seri-ously, and take action to ensure their own safety. As security guard Mandy Trujillo pointed out, if a threat is serious enough to cause the administration to rush students home early, the students should not prioritize casually talking to

Let’s Take It Syria-slyby carolinesmith

Befuddled glances circulate through the room. It’s a Wednesday block

day and on top of the already strenu-ous day ahead, not one student wants to discuss anything more than necessary. Th e teacher illustrates the confl ict in Syria: the Assad regime, the rebels, the illegal use of chemical weapons, and the proposed plans of the UN to put a stop to the injustice. Th e students blink along to the cadence of the teacher’s voice, but soon their thoughts stray from the discussion. We all know the feeling; how simply functioning before eight in the morning on block day can be almost impossible, let alone engaging in a com-plex discussion. But what if the discus-sion could change the way you view the world?

“I don’t think a lot of kids really want to pay attention to Syria,” freshman Kate Bernacchi says. AP Human Geog-raphy teacher Jeff Lacy corroborates this statement, “I haven’t heard students talk much about Syria, or other world events. Th e actual banter between students is

very limited.” And while our ‘limited banter’ may seem trivial, events such as Syria could have a very real eff ect of each of our lives.

Why does Syria, a seemingly small, insignifi cant country have the power to mold our world? Or even each of our everyday lives? Th e answer is simple: our world is interconnected. Th e alarm clock you woke up to this morning? It wouldn’t be here without the factory that makes it abroad.

Syria’s main claim to global inter-connected fame is its access to oil and gas. When a confl ict arises in areas where oil is a main resource, manufac-turers and traders worldwide begin to worry that oil from that region will soon discontinue its shipping to other parts of the world. So, prices begin to rise. If the US becomes increasingly involved in Syria, gasoline prices are projected to rise to $4.50 or even $5 per gallon. And anyone who has his or her driver’s license takes the brunt of it.

On top of the ridiculously high

gasoline prices that could result, there is a potential for regional instability, pos-sibly leading to regional, or even global, war. Essentially, it’s a domino eff ect that isn’t set in stone, but is defi nitely a pos-sibility. Imagine a war, maybe a World War, in which nuclear weapons run rampant and chemical weapons are used as if they are a normalcy.

And while war defi nitely impacts us economically, it could also impact us directly. East has an extensive number of students in the ROTC program for whom this topic is not theoretical. Some of these students will be eligible to join the military by their high school gradu-ation, for some this is in less than a year. Th ese students are our classmates, peers, and friends who could be in Syria this time next year.

Even so, war is a contingency that might not even aff ect the US. But it has already aff ected the 22 million citizens of Syria. Th ese people live in constant fear of what is to happen, and what isn’t guaranteed. We as students in the United

States, fall asleep each night having a general knowledge of what we’ll safely be doing the next day. We know roughly where we’ll be at 7:30 the next morning and we assume we’ll be alive to see that time. Th e citizens of Syria are not given this guarantee. Would you want to live in a place where a human life is so easily dis-regarded? Where citizens not only have to have their everyday responsibilities in check, but also make sure their wills are updated? Th e answer is no. Th e answer is no one should have to live like that.

While freshman Annika Witt is cor-rect in saying that increased involvement in Syria will cause, “a lot more tension,” there are eff ects that could impact each and every one of us more directly than that.

So even though it’s a Wednesday block day, and even though you woke up at six in the morning, take a mo-ment. Take a moment out of your day to think about world events, because things change in an instant, and it pays to know why.

reporters. It is clear that something is ut-terly wrong with students’ interpretation of the severity of the lockdown, if they have no inhibitions about meandering through the park, or devouring a burrito to fulfi ll their hunger at Chipotle, before ensuring their own safety.

Students failed to take the lock-down seriously, and therefore were indiff erent about evacuating the area in an organized manner. Students chose to be indiff erent about the risk of the situ-ation, and therefore put themselves in potential danger. It is to be hoped that next time, East’s actions and effi ciency will refl ect the severity of the situation.

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What we got wrong in our latest lockdown

[opinions]october 11,2013 page 15

the killing of Reysean Abram the week prior. A gang with a rival presence at East threatened members at the school, causing a credible threat to students’ safety. One would think that if 2,000 Students were put at risk, then the clear option would be to release them in small organized groups. Instead, the already

oversized student body was stuff ed through the front doors and spilled out into the open, sur-rounded by a much smaller ratio of cops. What did this poor

decision result in? Utter chaos. If it takes thirty minutes to escape the jammed student parking lot during a school wide evacuation, we have learned little from Columbine. Th at’s a shame. Just a little more than a year ago the Aurora shoot-ing proved that gun violence is a reality that can occur close to home. With examples of gun violence hitting so close to home, East should be prepared with

“If anything, this lockdown was a practice test, and I am unim-

pressed at the potential danger in which students were placed.”

1997

Chemical weapons are banned internationally

2000

President Bashar Al-Assad takes power in Syria

2011 2011

Obama gives his “red line” speech, in which he states that if Syria is using chemical

weapons he will likely take action.

2013

Speculation that Assad has been using chemical weapons on civilians arises. UN conducts tests that

confi rm chemical weapons were used.

Timeline of Relevant Syrian Events:

As I sat in my own puddle of sweat and sauteed in the ever increasing

temperature of the school, I was still excited to be attending my junior class meeting. For the most part, this meet-ing seemed typical. Then, the entire class was greeted by our Principal Andy Mendelsberg as he walked up to the microphone onstage. He addressed the confusion and rumors regarding the current hat policy. Mendlesburg told the class that following a six week period of at least 93 percent attendance for the whole school, he would revisit the hat rule. Not necessarily change the hat policy, but only revisit it. During this an-nouncement I couldn’t help but wonder if there is any correlation between attendance and students wearing hats.

If students were allowed to discuss this policy with members of the administra-tion, the result would be very different. Not only were the students left out of this decision, but time and time again, students aren’t given information and aren’t allowed to participate in making school decisions. It is the students’ job to express their concern for the school; we can’t look to the faculty to make those decisions for us.

If students had the courage, the will, the guts, and the desire to change the school, we would be able to change

things in our favor. The administration does what authority often does: they make decisions that many people might disagree with. There are over 2,000 students in this school. We outnumber the faculty almost 20 to 1. We definitely have the numbers to make a difference.

It is very easy to point fingers when things don’t go our way. As students we have the ability to make a much greater difference in this school than we think. The reason we are so often left out of the conversation in our school has to due with our lack of interest regarding school related matters.

In general, there seems to be no communication be-tween the administra-tion and the students. More often than not, we are not allowed to participate in writing and revising school

policies. If we think something is unfair, we need to show the administration why and how we can make it better.

It should be the duty of the student body to avoid apathy. Not caring about the school in the first place doesn’t give a student any legitimacy to argue the necessity for a certain policy. Students as much as administrators need to voice concern they have about the way East is being run.

Time and time again throughout the world, we see people standing up for what they believe in. We do care about

Vigilance: Stand Up Studentsby noahreynolds

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how policies affect us everyday. And we do care about making our voices heard.

We are partially to blame for the lack of communication. It is clear that the administration would have a lot of reservations with letting students be so active in decision making. Students could sit in on most of the faculty meet-

ings and provide input on the discussion involved. The administration needs to clarify the steps involved with making a policy at the school through announce-ments and emails. We need to know that policy is being discussed before it is put into place, so students can provide criti-cism and thoughts before it is too late.

“As students we have the ability to make a much

greater difference in this school than we think.”

The bell rings. Students pour out of the doors and groups of all grades

mingle in front of the school. A kid adjusts his Diamond Company sweat-shirt, pulls up his American Eagle cargo shorts, and leans down to get some dust off his white Nike shoes. An assort-ment of girls are checking their iPhones, slurping down some brown drink from Starbucks, and sporting some uncom-fortably tight-looking pants. Lets face it: we’re spoiled.

Unfortunately, these amazing prod-ucts we buy everyday cost money, and we haven’t even bought the bulk of our items. At our age, we have only started to make money and it isn’t much. Most of our material goods come from our guardians: the house we live in, the food we eat, the clothes we wear, the money given to us as we head off to school. As teenagers we are still being pampered by others.

Strangely, in the wake of all this gen-erosity, the words “Please” and “Thank

You” are used sparingly. This genera-tion has mastered the art of accepting gifts, but has forgotten to be thankful. So many objects are given to us and we just take them as if they were breaths of air.

Some of the most influential parts

of our lives are taken for granted. The activities we attend or the items we have seem so normal to us, but may be a blessing to another.

A few weeks ago a flood washed away over 1,500 homes, all within a forty minute drive of Denver. Families have

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[opinions]page 16 october 11, 2013

The Grip of Consumerism been left with nothing but the clothes on their back, everything else damaged or destroyed. The same day, I heard some students whining about having to trudge from East to Chipotle in the rain, getting their Sperry’s all muddy.

Let’s keep our lives in perspective, all these trivial things in life are not always as terrible as they seem. Instead of complaining about the worst part of your life, reflect on all the good that you’ve done or have. Don’t be that stupid teenager that trashes a restaurant table as you leave, instead be the one to help the employees clean up. Don’t be that mean kid that likes to intimidate every-one else, but be the friend. Never mind the way your peers may look or feel about you. Instead, take a few moments everyday to be thankful for the minor things: a sunny day, a ride to school, an A on your quiz.

Like taking away the atoms from a molecule, without the little things to be for grateful in life, there would be noth-ing to live for.

A student whispers to his fellow classmate, “I’m up 30 points and he

has A.J. Green, Do you think I’ll pull it out?” It’s fi rst period on a rainy Monday morning as an English teacher is giving a lecture on the summer reading book. Th e teacher realizes he has lost the at-tention of his chatty students and angrily replies, “DO YOU MIND?”

Fantasy football is becoming in-creasingly popular at East High School and in offi ces around the world. Th is virtual game consisting of National Football League statistics has brought an intrigue to the NFL that no other sport has ever seen. In fact, 22.3 million American fantasy football play-ers spend at least an hour a week manag-ing or tweaking their roster, when they could be devoting those hours to work.

However, even more time is being spent on fantasy football at East. Juniors Evan Segal and Lorenzo Harris claim that they spend up to three or four hours on Sunday alone, monitoring the prog-ress of their teams.

As much as he enjoys fantasy foot-ball, Harris says it distracts him from his schoolwork. “I do fantasy football all day and then homework at night and I stay up too late. When I stay up too late, the quality of my work drops and I do worse in school because I am sleep deprived. It is becoming an annoying, recurring, and inevitable pattern.”

Harris is not alone in his addiction to fantasy football. Along with students, teachers at East are also dis-tracted by the obses-

sive phenomenon. Th ere is even a league amongst the faculty. Geography teacher Jeff Lacy, a member of the teacher league, admits he has come down with a case of fantasy fever.

“Including watching on Sunday, I spend 12 hours [a week] on it.” Lacy says. Although he claims it does not take away from his ability to grade papers, Lacy says fantasy football does aff ect other aspects of his life. “Sundays dur-ing football season, I’m all football, all day. Th ere is no fi shing, no golfi ng and

East students come down with a case of fantasy football feverthanks to the RedZone channel and fan-tasy football, I do not leave the couch.”

Despite the fact that the majority of fantasy football players are male, there are still plenty of female players at East and beyond. Geography teacher Jyl Red-dig participates in the teacher league, and Junior Sarah Graff doesn’t let the male domination sway her away from the fun either.

Graff says, “I play with some family friends that are girls,” and she points out that girls are just as inclined to be good players. “We’re just as capable of reading stats and predictions.”

An activity inclusive to all, fantasy football is a $1.18 billion dollar industry with over 27 million players. Th e interest gained from fantasy football has sky-rocketed attention to NFL games from people all over the globe. It is not only changing the workplace and the class-room, but is changing the way people watch sports.

No longer are football fans specifi -cally rooting for a team to win a game, but rather are cheering on their fantasy players. With a fi nancial and personal connection, fantasy football hits the heart of football fans more than alle-giance to any old team does.

As the sun swells in the sky, sopho-more John Sunn stands in the

blistering heat. His feet are aching as he looks up at the scoreboard to make sure this nightmare isn’t just a bad dream. Its 0-41 at halft ime against Chatfi eld. He’s fl ustered, feeling he could be the one to make the diff erence, if only he was given the chance.

Football is Sunn’s passion. He has played since he was 4 years old, starting off in fl ag football and now is a member of the East Varsity team. Sunn has very little free time. He takes rigorous classes and then attends football practice for the rest of the aft ernoon. Th e sacrifi ces he makes for the sport are unparalleled, but he hasn’t started once this year. Sunn is just one example of many second string athletes in high school athletics.

Th e reality of high school sports is that teams take on many more players than actually play. East isn’t the only school who struggles with this prob-lem. While playing time for all players is highly valued on the lower teams, Varsity and Junior Varsity teams oft en value ability and winning over giving

fair playing time. “On the lower levels [C team and C2] all players have equal playing time,” says East activities direc-tor Tee McDon-ald. When asked what goes into the decision on who starts on the JV soccer team she said “Its all pretty equal, but a lot of the time it’s ability based.”

Sunn and junior Michael Kouba were neck and neck for the starting position at quarterback until Sunn injured his shoulder this summer.

“I wasn’t able to practice for about a month so that took me out of the game big time. I’ve been trying to fi ght back ever since.”

Fight back he has. “I’ve been to

every single practice and meeting and now I’m starting to realize, why am I not given the chance to get any game time?”

It is clear that John is dying to have his shot at the position of quarterback. “Our team’s not doing very well and we’re losing a lot and I haven’t gotten to play yet. I think I can make a diff er-ence.” says Sunn. Th e reality is, it isn’t up to him on whether or not he will get his chance.

However, there is a way that

second string Varsi-ty athletes get more

playing time. Th e second string Varsity athletes start in Junior Varsity games when there aren’t enough JV athletes.

It allows these athletes to practice what they have learned in Varsity practices and games.

Sophomore Dylan Moss faces a very similar situation. Moss started playing soccer at a young age and has been pas-sionate about it ever since. He plays on East’s Varsity soccer team. “I started on the fi rst game but haven’t played much since,” Moss says of his experience rid-ing the bench.

“When the team is losing and I’m on the bench I get frustrated because I feel I don’t have a chance to make the diff erence.” When Moss asked the coach why he was on the bench and not given his shot, his coach responded saying he didn’t believe that Moss put in his full ef-fort. “Hearing that was diffi cult because I really do try my hardest. I attend every practice and every meeting and give it my all everyday.”

Th e reality of high school sports is that not everyone can start and get their shot. An athlete can put in their best eff ort but, in the end it simply isn’t up to them.

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Sophomore John Sunn looks on to the game, hoping to get a chance to play

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The View From The BenchThe grind of second string athletes at East

Million players nationally

Billion dollars lost annually by companies to employees on the clock playing fantasy football

Billion dollar industry

Annual industry growth

Million female players“Sundays during football season, I’m all

football, all day. Th ere is no fi shing, no golfi ng and thanks to the RedZone chan-

nel and fantasy football, I do not leave the couch.”

FANTASY BY THE NUMBERS

[sports]october 11, 2013 page 17

The slim boat quickly slices through the calm, murky waters of the

Cherry Creek Reservoir. Th e eight mem-bers of the crew move in perfect unison, as if in a graceful dance. Th eir oars cut through the water, barely splashing as they go in. Crossing the fi nish line, the athletes relax, smiling and breathing hard, basking in the sweet feeling of yet another victory. Th is is a familiar sensa-tion for senior Grace Aro, who started rowing crew in her sophomore year.

“Every stroke, you have to have

something to push for,” says Aro. Push-ing the limits is something the Mile High Rowing Club does every day. Th ey practice 10 to 12 hours per week, which leaves Aro to balance rowing, school-work and a social life, not to mention being co-president of the Knitting Angels, an NHS offi cer, a member of the Science Olympiad, and a volunteer at Denver Health.

Having a full schedule is pretty typical of a student at East, but what’s not typical is the amount of dedication it

takes to be a rower. Aro trains fi ve days a week with her team, plus two days a week cross training by herself.

In the winter, Aro’s team practic-es on the “ergs,” or ergometer rowing machines. Th ese machines are the indoor bicycles of rowing, allowing someone to row indoors to keep up their fi tness and stamina, even if they can’t go on

the water. Although

the ‘ergs’ are a dif-fi cult task for Aro, she loves watching the start line get farther and farther away as she rows in a race, and that image is enough to get her through the long, bleak winter.

“[Th ere are] girls who work out twice a day, lift during the week... It’s not required but it’s what makes us faster,” says Aro, speaking of herself and her teammates. Th is is the kind of dedication it takes to be as exceptional as Aro, who has been contacted by over thirty colleges and universities since she became notable in the world of rowing.

Aro says she fi nds herself hanging out more with rowing teammates, and since the team spends so much time together, they have a special bond. Th e same is true with junior Jade Th ornton, another rower for the Mile High Rowing Club. Th ornton also says that she spends most of her time with friends from row-ing.

“Socially, I hang out with rowing people more than [the time I practice with them]” says Th ornton. She claims, “It makes life very full. I don’t have a lot of downtime.” Th e downtime Th ornton and Aro do have, they devote to school work. “We both maintain straight A’s in all honors and AP classes even with

rowing,” comments Aro. It’s one thing

to be a rower and keep good grades, but quite another to be as successful as Aro.

Her team has come in at third and fourth place twice at the Central Youth Rowing Championships, gotten fi rst and second place at the Wichita Frostbite Re-gatta, managed third place in the Head of Oklahoma competition, and won many other titles in innumerable races.

Aro and Th ornton say they will defi nitely row in college, but aren’t completely sure what comes aft er that. Th ornton says she would consider go-ing pro aft er college, maybe even to the Olympics, but Aro says she would love just to do it recreationally. Whatever does come, they are both excited for their future prospects in rowing. Aro will choose a college soon and start packing, while Th ornton stays behind, possibly taking Aro’s place as the next big recruit in Colorado.

East rowers strive for excellence on the waterRow For The Gold

Grace Aro (second from front) rows with her team in the Cherry Creek Reservoir

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GameUpcoming Games

LocationTimeBoys football vs Hinkley*

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All City Stadium

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East Turf

South High School

Aurora Stadium

*Broadcast on www.ealive.tv

Game

[sports]page 18 october 11, 2013

Jade Thornton (left) and Grace Aro (right)

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Senior Jared Anderson is fl ying across the football fi eld, tracking the ball

carrier. He goes in for the hit, and the two players collide at a full sprint. An-derson’s arms wrap around the carrier, and their helmets crash together. Instan-taneously, he hears a loud ringing noise inside his head that is all too familiar. He fi nishes the play and fears the worst has happened.

Th is was Anderson’s fi ft h concussion from playing foot-ball, his favorite sport. A sport that he will never be able to play again.

Anderson is just one of many athletes side-lined for their careers because of numerous concussions, and sometimes the fact that he can’t play gets to him.

“It’s the fact that we haven’t been playing that well, and obviously I feel like I could [contribute], and not being able to do anything about it is frustrat-ing...Plus watching football every day and seeing it, I just love it, so I want to play it,” he says.

With recent scientifi c discoveries re-garding the danger of concussions, they have become an increasingly hot topic in sports. In fact, reducing the amount of yearly concussions has become a public health priority, but high school athletes still sustain an estimated 136,000 to 300,000 concussions per year.

Senior Olivia Arbess is another East athlete sidelined by concussions. She was the captain on a traveling University of Denver boys’ hockey team, but aft er four concussions it became unsafe for her to compete in any contact sports.

“Aft er the last [concussion], I got cross-checked in the head and I just fell over and one of my pupils was bigger than the other. I went to the hospital and that was the last time I saw my hockey team,” says Arbess. “Th e most frustrat-ing thing is knowing that you love the sport so much but you can’t be a part of it.”

Concussions are the biggest threat to player safety in almost all contact sports, but they are more than just a

regular injury. While an ankle can heal completely from a sprain, concussions can damage the brain for good and cause serious problems in the long run.

“What we’re fi nding out is as you get older, if you don’t let those concussions heal, or if you get numerous concus-sions, it changes the brain chemistry, which causes you not to be able to func-tion properly in the world,” says East’s

athletic trainer Lisa Smith.

Th e Colorado High School Activi-ties Association (CHSAA) has very strict guidelines regarding player safety in order to prevent these long term ef-fects of concus-sions.

“Every year we do baseline con-cussion testing on

every freshman...or any athlete who is new to East, so if they do have a concus-sion we can compare that with how they did before to how they’re doing now,” says Smith.

“Th ere’s a form we use called Sport Concussion Assessment Tool. On the front of it there are 22 symptoms, I will ask the athlete if they have any severity with that symptom, and the scale goes from 0, which is none, to 6, which is severe.” If an athlete has one symptom with mild severity, they still are diag-nosed with a concussion, and are unable to play again until they progress to a point where their medical doctor clears them to play.

For concussed athletes like An-derson, however, the test seems more frustrating than useful. “I think its overly [precau-tionary],” says Anderson, “You know in football what you’re getting into. It’s a physical sport, you kinda just gotta deal with what it is.”

Smith completely disagrees, “If you have a concussion and you go out and play and get hit again, you can have what’s called second impact. You die from that. You’ve only got one brain, you’ve got to have that the rest of your life. When you get older you want to be the only one ty-

ing your shoes, feeding yourself, driving yourself. So a few games and practices is just not worth it.”

Although frustrated to be unable to play hockey ever again, Arbess luckily evaded a much worse situation with a second impact concussion.

“Two of [my concussions] were in the same day. I got hit once play-ing soccer, and then I went and played hockey...I was studying for my Bat Mitzvah and I kept reading over the same line of Hebrew a bunch of times...I was so frustrated and I couldn’t get it...I had a panic attack and I was out of school for a while.”

As Smith said, second impact concussions can sometimes be fatal, and in most cases if the person is not killed, they are severely disabled. Arbess, however, just had symptoms of a severe concussion and no further damage was done.

Th e numerous long term eff ects of concussions include not only the in-ability to play sports or other activities, but progressive dementia and depression as well. “Th at defi nitely scares me,” says Anderson on the lasting eff ects of con-cussions, “Th at’s something I’m going to have to deal with in the future, and right now there is nothing I can really do about it. I just need to keep my head safe as best as I can.”

Even the Na-tional Football League has paid the price for

not appropriately treating concussions, as many former players have begun to suff er from their lasting eff ects. One tragic example is former linebacker Junior Seau, who played in the NFL for 20 seasons, retiring in 2009. In May of

2013, Seau took his own life with a self infl icted gunshot to the head. He was 43. His family is now fi ling a lawsuit against the NFL for his wrongful death caused by severe

depression, which many think was directly related to the numerous blows to the head he sustained while playing football. Th e NFL also faced another suit in which they paid $765 million to the 4,500 players who sued for football related brain injuries.

Concussions and player safety pose a real threat to individual players and the game itself. Leagues across the na-tion are writing new rules to keep play-ers from injuring themselves and others, but even with all of these rule changes, concussions are still prominent, and the danger is real. To high school players, missing next week’s game might seem like a catastrophe, but it’s insignifi cant when compared with the lasting and severe eff ects on that player’s brain.

Arbess realizes that the scope of this problem goes beyond playing hockey. “It’s a bummer that I can’t [play], but my head is more important.”

by eligoldin

Here Comes the

B M!“If you have a concussion

and you go out and play and get hit again, you can have

what’s called second impact. You die from that.”

East students face the lasting eff ects of concussions

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An Eagles wide receiver grimaces at the ringing in his head

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[sports]october 11, 2013 page 19

Students at East High were disap-pointed to learn last week that their

favorite television show, Breaking Bad, is actually a horribly violent, nihilistic, dope-addled train wreck disguised as popular entertainment.

Freshman Rob Johnson wept when he heard the news. “Just when I thought I had all the right pop culture references on my resume, they tell us this!” Bob was last seen mumbling around like a char-acter from the Walking Dead. “Oh great, don’t tell me that show sucks too.”

Many students mourned the passing of the beloved show they once consid-ered to be the high point of Western Civilization. School counselors were seeing a heavy volume of disgruntled hipsters facing a stage-ten identity crisis.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” remarked school psychologist Wendy Workhorse. “Th ese kids are telling me they no longer can believe in anything. Some of them even asked me if God existed.”

Some community members lauded the sudden epiphany. Minty Aft er-thought, chairman of Partners for a Drug-Free America, declared to a room full of stunned teenagers, “I hate to say

I told you so, but I will. I told you that show just sucked. So depressing. What-ever you want to say about drugs, you have to admit that that show was totally implausible and morose. Maybe you kids could play some board games or help an old lady cross the street.”

Th e source of this revelation has been verifi ed by school offi cials as a mild-mannered idiot named Righteous Bucks. He says that he never understood why his peers were so obsessed with the show.

“I tried to watch it but once they started chaining people in basements then killing them and soaking their bod-ies in hydrochloric acid, I knew some-thing was wrong. I mean, come on, it wasn’t so long ago that our grandparents were watching Leave It to Beaver and Lassie. I mean, you’d never catch Beaver, or Lassie for that matter, messing around with crystal meth. Actually, that might be kind of cool to see Lassie a little high.

“I tried to tell my friends that the show was not only unwholesome, it actually was totally unrealistic and bor-ing. Th en they started egging my house accusing me of being anti-meth, which is totally a lie. I can appreciate a little

meth just like the next guy, I just don’t agree with how the show tainted such a benign substance with such awful exposition.”

Aft er putting up with months of abuse, Bucks decided to get even. He wrote a devastating and wildly persua-sive critique of the show and put it on Facebook.

“It was so weird, I’ve never been a good writer, but this time I think I was guided by angels. Th e pop culture gods were on my side.”

Th ere was one lone hold out, a sophomore girl who, mostly to deaf ears, keeps insisting the show rocks. Plus, her dad is Vince Gilligan.

“Look my dad’s last name is Gil-ligan, who was like the coolest character on T.V. Would he make a show that sucked? I don’t think so. Th e Skipper would never let that happen.”

Th e show’s creators are taking care-ful steps to make sure this profound revelation does not leave the walls of East High School. Th ey have already started work on new show, called Not Breaking at All, in Fact Coming Together, and Somewhat Better than Average. Early adopters have already been seen paint-ing their one-eyed pink teddy bears the color orange, which, apparently, is the new black.

by pedromotownIt Turns Out Breaking Bad Actually Sucks

There’s a new fi sh in town and his name is Sardine. Aft er much spir-

ited debate among students and admin-istrators, East students will no longer be Angels, they’ll be Sardines.

“We just thought it more accurately refl ected our school experience, jam packed like so many cheap sardines crammed into a tin can, so we decided to make the change, “remarked head toy Hackstone Schlock.

Many students were caught off guard by the change but quickly real-ized they couldn’t do anything about it because they’ve been sandwiched against their lockers since school started. For weeks they have been in a state of suspended animation awaiting the jaws of life to extricate them from the mass of students pressing against them.

Many of them have yet to attend a single class so they’ve cleverly designed

a tunnel of runners, who body surf, like fi sh, across their many heads

to bring them notes and plankton.

“I’m all for getting to know my fellow students better but this is a little ridiculous,” complained Josh Bitterboy as he tried to remove a shoe from his mouth. “My mom must be worried sick, but I guess this is just the price you pay for going to such a great school like East.”

Other students found reason to celebrate this fi shy state of aff airs. One junior boy remarked, “Heck, I couldn’t get even one girl to talk to me and now there are tons pressing their elbows into my back at any given moment. I’ve died and gone to Sardine heaven.”

School administrators have brought in ergonomics experts from all over the world to try to disentangle this jumbled mass of humans. Administrators have hinted that the soaring Angel mascot could be revived if some genius can fi g-ure out how to get out of this mess. But for now it’s sardines. Yummy yummy.

Th e pile up has not stopped admin-istrators from designing new t-shirts with Sardines on them to try to raise the students’ enthusiasm. Assistant Princi-pal Hess Smashley believes such things will boost morale.

East Angels Are Now Sardines

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“Rear End” Disclaimer

“Look, I know there is nothing par-ticularly enthralling about a very small fi sh at the bottom of the food chain, but we need to change with the times. What’s angelic about us all being glued in place?” he asked as he peered over the sea of students.

“You must understand these fi sh provide sustenance to millions. In a way, we are saying that our students will be a light unto the world, you know, a real in-spiration to all those who feel the world is crushing them to bits.”

Spontaneous cheers have developed in the hallways, “Sardine low, sardine low low” and “Sardine, sardine, we may be fi sh but we’re mean” can be heard echoing across the fetid mass of students.

“We thought about doing other mascots, sure, like that guy in Boulder who fi ts himself into a one foot box, but we decided he was just one cramped guy. Here at East, we are thousands cramped people and we’re growing. We’re canned and stuff ed into the tiniest of spaces cheaply sold in your local grocery store. What could be more inspiring than that?” opined Schlock as he waited patiently for someone, anyone, to bring him a cracker to go with his sardine.

by pedromotown

[rear end]page 20 october 11, 2013