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Lake Calhoun gives Minneapolis a pastoral quality.

by Cliff Terry

Photos by Phil McCarten

ack in 1939, the Clarksville Lions Club in Arkansaswanted to raise money for an incubator it had promised tothe local hospital. The money didn’t come in fast enough,so its Tail Twister devised a scheme. He collected moneyfrom Lions for an elegant hotel luncheon, and then sneak-ily contractedwith the hotel to serve only a hamburger andsoft drink to each Lion. The club received a lot of public-ity, not only for fulfilling its incubator pledge but also forthe report that the Lions “rebelled and arrested” the TailTwister and fined him for “obtaining money under falsepretenses.”

Another time, a Clarksville Lion had missed manymeetings because he claimed he needed to take an hour’snap after lunch. The Tail Twister finally got him to attend

a meeting, and when the meal was over, brought in a cotand had a pianist play soft music as the offending Lion wasput to bed. The Lion–and the cot–made the front page ofthe local paper.

Flash forward 70 years. The tricks and tactics may havechanged but Tail Twisters still are on the prowl. A favoriteploy of the Tail Twister at one Lions club is to invite fouror five school children about 11 or 12 years old for aspelling bee with club members. (Alas, Lions seldom win.)

Tail Twisters spring questions such as “Who wrote the‘Pledge of Allegiance’?” and fine those who don’t know theanswer. (Francis Bellamy, in Rome, New York, 1892.)Other Tail Twisters rely on practical jokes, such as tellinga member he’s getting a turkey dinner in honor of his birth-

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day and then uncovering a plate in front of him made upof scratch feed and gravel.

Granted, Tail Twisting sometimes can seem old-fash-ioned and corny. Some clubs, especially those with manyyounger members, shy away from it. But Tail Twistinggenerally is alive and well. Lions say it builds camaraderieand puts all members on the same level no matter their age,gender or job. It reinforces the notion that, yes, service tothose in need is serious and important but let’s have somefun while we do it.

Society often is a whirl of change and traditions fall bythe wayside. But a Tail Twister is a comforting sign of per-manence and stability. It remains one of the most distinc-tive characteristics of being a Lion.

“The job is to lighten up the atmosphere of the meet-ings–little shenanigans, little things you can do,” saysDoug Ratermann, Tail Twister for the Brownsburg LionsClub in Indiana. “I try to get them back on the track ofbeing a Lion. For whatever reasons, some may have goneaway from the organization, and the Tail Twister can tryto draw them back in, revitalize that flame.”

Adds September Stokes, Tail Twister for the Burnaby-Lougheed Lions Club near Vancouver, British Columbia,“It’s to spark life into a meeting because sometimes theycan get very business-y. A Tail Twister can actually makeor break a meeting as far as people having a good time. Inone quick sentence: They’re in charge of the fun.”

Acton Lions in California are crazyabout their hair.

Twists and TurnsThe Tail Twister, in one form or another, has been around since the earlydays of Lions clubs. But it’s changed. Today it’s less rough and tum-ble, more genteel. The goal of creating fun is still the same. But thetactics are, well, less lowbrow. If Lions were once an old-boys club,then Tail Twisting, too, has become more dignified and less ram-bunctious as clubs have embraced women and younger members.

“Before I joined, our club was real big on cutting neckties offthe visiting governors,” says Bill Newyear, Tail Twister for theActon Lions Club in California and a 7th-grade math teacher. “Fi-nally, somebody said, ‘That’s stupid! It makes our club seem like abunch of drunken louts.’ So they quit that.”

Says Stokes, mother of two young children and a former radiobroadcaster, “There’s been a bit of an evolution in meetings because

most of them are now co-ed. Tail Twisting used to be guys jokingly pick-ing on each other, walking around and embarrassing them, trying their

best to humiliate them, fining them for ridiculous things. That was fineback then. It’s not that way anymore. I’m a woman, and I don’t like that kind

of stuff. I don’t want to be picked on and humiliated. If women have had a busyday and have been busy with kids and stuff, the last thing they want to do is come

to a Lions meeting and wish they hadn’t.” What was once acceptable is now frowned upon.“In the old days, you could make ethnic and religious jokes,” says Joe Vondra, a chi-

ropractor who is Tail Twister for the Sparks Greenbrae Lions Club in Nevada. “Peopletend to tread more delicately. Whereas in the ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s, that wasn’t the case,for good or bad. It’s a fine line. We don’t want a sterile environment. And that’s wherethe Tail Twister’s job is probably a little more complicated. You don’t want to offend any-body, but you also want to have fun.”

What hasn’t changed is the qualifications for the job: “Someone who is outgoing witha good sense of humor, who’s not afraid to get up in front of people, and sometimes make

Flourishing or Fading?

Is Tail Twisting as popular as ever? It depends on what TailTwister you ask.Mac McQuillen of the Gloucester Lions in Virginia:

“It’s changed since I’ve been a Lion—nine years. It seemslike the Tail Twisters are not as involved as they were.Some are not really into the thing.”Doug Ratermann of the Brownsburg Lions in Indiana:

“It’s holding steady. I don’t think its really picking up anysteam, but I don’t think it’s losing any of its fervor either. Itdepends on how seriously the Tail Twister takes the position.”Lori Devine of the Paducah Lions in Kentucky: “I think

in our club it’s gaining momentum. A couple other mem-bers have said, ‘Yeah, I wouldn’t mind doing that TailTwisting sometime.’ ”Bill Newyear of the Acton Lions in California: “I’d say

it’s holding steady, but it depends on the club. The morepeople you have in your club, the more opportunities youhave for clever people to assume the role of Tail Twister.”

Joe Vondra of the Sparks Greenbrae Lions Club in Ne-vada: “It’s probably losing steam a bit from what it wasin the ‘20s and ‘30s mainly because the Lions have lost alittle steam, and they’re trying to get that back. Politicalcorrectness today prevents some people from being asboisterous or really calling people out. “

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Cedar Falls Lions in Iowa put on their thinking hats, made from newspapers. The Lions are (from left) ClairBrooks, Fred Abraham, Sandy Benak and Mark Miller.

Photo by Don Wood

a fool out of yourself,” says Lori Devine, substitute Tail Twister of the Pad-ucah Lions Club in Kentucky and director of development for EasterSeals West Kentucky.

“A Tail Twister is a person who plans well, so that people af-terwards will go, ‘Wow, that was really cool,’ ” observes Stokesof British Columbia. “The last thing you want is for the pres-ident to say, ‘The Tail Twister has the floor,’ and everybodygroans. They spend the whole meeting nit-picking andeven walking around with an angry face. You don’t haveto be jumping on tables and wearing a clown suit to getpeople’s attention. We’ve had lots of people join be-cause they say, ‘You guys have so much fun.’ ”

Old Fashioned FunTail Twisters rely on everything from games toquizzes to stunts. The Acton Lions Club in Cali-fornia has had Mismatched Sox Night, PajamaNight, Tie Night and Ugly T-Shirt Night. After theclub’s Tail Twister broke her ankle, not skipping abeat, the club held a Bandage and Appendage Night.That turned out to be the evening Chinese Lions vis-ited. “They walked in and saw all these people walking

The sTory oF The spizzerinkTer

The concept of Tail Twisting predatesLions clubs by two centuries. Privateclubs in England in the early 1700sgood-naturedly fined members fortelling tall tales or for using anothermember’s tobacco. But Lions per-fected the practice of club hijinks.Tail Twisting had its origins in the

pep committees formed at the char-tering of the downtown Detroit club in1920. The committees then shifteddown to a “single, energetic personal-ity,” according to The World’s BiggestDoers: The Story of the Lions. “We were trying to find some way to

liven up Lion meetings,” recalledMelvin Jones, the founder of Lionsclubs in 1917. “One fellow who hadbeen born on a farm said that what weneeded to do was what used to bedone; when a cow refused to gothrough the gate, someone would grabher by the tail and twist. We alllaughed, but one of the boys said, ‘Why,isn’t that a good name?’ “We alreadyhad decided on ‘Lion Tamer’ for the

s e r -geant-at-arms, so it seemed logical toconfer the title ‘Tail Twister’ on thechairman of the pep committee.” But the international board, “in a

huff of offended dignity, issued an edictagainst use of the low-comedy term,”according to the Lions history book.

The question was batted about atboard meetings for a few years until International President Ray Riley in1929 “got up at a session in Washingtonone day and told them they were takingthemselves too seriously.” Riley addedthat clubs would have tail twisters“whether the board likes it or not.”The role was established but the

name remained in flux. Even by 1941,the LION Magazine could write: “Ofall the novel and rich experienceswhich await the new Lion, none strikeshim so forcibly as his introduction tothat “’Demon of the Dime,’ that ‘De-bunker of Dignity,’ known as the‘Spizzerinkter’ or “Tail Twister.’ TheTail Twister, as we prefer to call him, isabout the only absolute dictator weknow who enjoys the affection of thosewhom he oppresses.” Other Lions apparently preferred

Tail Twister, too, and somewhere alongthe line, Spizzerinkter–fortunately—was dropped.

Tail Twisting was the LIONcover story in August 1939.

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around with bandages,and one visitor said tome, ‘Was there an acci-dent?’ ” says Newyear.“That really threw them.”

Adds Stokes, “We’ve hadBackwards Day, where youwear all your clothes backwards,and Crazy Hat Night. One of ourfunniest was Jeans and T-Shirts Night.I finally got to wear this T-shirt I’ve hadfor years. It says, ‘Not tonight, dear. I haveLions.’ ”

Stokes likes to plays Twenty Questions. “It’s some-thing you can do with a club that has older members. Youknow, they don’t want to get up and do relay races! I sell them a pieceof paper for a buck to keep track of their points. I rent them a penfor a quarter.

“Even if something goes wrong, the Tail Twister can laugh. Wehad a Banana Relay. It’s like the old game where you tucked an or-ange under your chin and passed it to the next person. But the thingI learned is, if you use a ripe banana, it will squish all over people’spants! So I tell people to use a very green banana.”

Just FineOf course, besides frolicking, there is also fining. Amounts levied bythe Tail Twister typically range from a nickel or a dime or quarterto $1 or $2.

One common offense is a cell phone violation. “I think there’sa special ring in hell for people who don’t turn off their phones,” saysNewyear.

Ratermann of Indiana remembers a president who had diffi-culty calling someone “Lion Pat” or “Lion Past District Governor.”“So every time he didn’t use the proper title, I’d hit a little bell andhe’d re-do it. I also quiz them with Trivial Pursuit. We have someolder members, so for trivia I have to go back to some of the CBS-TV shows like Bob Newhart, M*A*S*H or Gunsmoke.”

“You can also fine people if they’re not wearing their Lionsclub pin or their name tag,” says Mac McQuillen, a mechanic whoowns his own business and is Tail Twister of the Gloucester LionsClub in Virginia. “Don’t use the same things. We have several eld-erly people. They’re bald like me. I fine them for not combing theirhair right.”

Like everything else, fining has evolved, too.“In the past, for example, people were fined if they talked about

their business,” says Newyear. “We’ve gotten away from that. Aslong as a person doesn’t join the club just to pass out their businesscards, if somebody mentions their auto shop or something, I don’tthink they should be fined.”

Adds Vondra of Nevada, “It used to be very frowned upon to tryto network. We’re now realizing that to get new, younger members,you want to attract business folks. There’s nothing wrong with pick-ing up some business while doing work for the community.”

do:

• Be original and creative in yourplanning. • Speak loudly. If you think you’reshouting, you’re at the right level. • Have some creative way to collectthe fines–maybe a fun piggy bank designed by your grandkids. Don’tjust stuff it in your pocket or grab an empty coffee cup. • When the district governors arethere, people frown on you doing afining job. But why not? Their moneyis just as good as anybody else’s.

do

’s a

nd

do

n’T

s

• Don’t insult or embarrass people.• Never underestimate what yourmembers will do.• Don’t make anything personal. The last thing you want is to buildany riffs in the club. • Stay away from ethnic and religious remarks. Don’t hit any-one’s hot buttons. • Don’t pick on anyone. Some peopleseem to get fined all the time, andeventually they’ll say, “I don’t needto come to a meeting to pay $8 or$10 each night.” • Don’t say, “You have gray hair, giveme a dollar.” Be creative about fin-ing.• Don’t be crude. Watch the language.We’re not afraid to speak our minds,but we’re not going to cuss likesailors either.

Kirk Dickson of the Burnaby-LougheedLions Club near Vancouver, British Columbia, competes in a “straw wrapperlong jump.” Originality goes a long waywith Tail Twisting events.

don’T:

After former President Jimmy Carterresigned as a submarine officer from theU.S. Navy, he returned to his home inPlains, Georgia, and embarked on a ca-reer that would impact many. Yes, he be-came a Tail Twister. “The first thing I didwas join the Plains Lions Club,” henoted at the Lions international conven-tion in Chicago in 2007. ”With dedica-tion and hard work I very soon reachedthe pinnacle of influence and intrigueand served as Tail Twister for three years.Which was a good preparation for thekind of inner relationships that made mesuccessful, at least on a part-time basis,in politics.”

Laughter as GlueTail Twisting is a kind of glue that binds members.The art of Tail Twisting can be a bit messy and awk-ward. But for many clubs it beats the alternative—nothaving a traditional, reliable way to build cohesion.

“Lions are people, and people get heated upabout things sometimes, “says Newyear. “A goodTail Twister can diffuse the situation if he sees peo-ple are really getting heated. He can step in with, like,‘Fred, your face is getting too red, I’m going to fineyou a dollar for that.’ That lets out a little steam andthey realize, well, maybe I’m getting a little carriedaway here.”

Fun is fundamental to being a Lion and the TailTwister keeps the laughs coming.

“The president and the secretary are two impor-tant positions, but I think the Tail Twister is right upthere in terms of organization and value to the club,”says Vondra. “Some meetings can get pretty deadly.I think with a lot of service clubs, membership isdown. So if we can keep the mood light, fun, social,I think that helps attract new members and retainour current members. It just keeps everyone excitedabout Lions.” �

To Fine or noT To Fine

Tail TwisTers in

good Company

A maverick regarding fines, September Stokes of Canadahas led panels at Lions meetings on “Stop the Fines andStart Having Fun with Tail Twisting!” She explains, “For alot of seasoned Lions who have been around a long time, ittakes them a while to grasp that: what do you mean, stopthe fines? Instead, for a game like the ‘Magic Word,’ at thebeginning of the game I charge everyone an admission fee.Everybody pays a buck. That way they pay an entry fee, whichtakes all the negativity out of it because you’re not finingthem for doing something bad. Fines are too negative.”Lori Devine of Kentucky disagrees. “I don’t think fines are

negative. Because that’s a thing our members like to do: Raton each other! You know: ‘So-and-so did this, they need tobe fined.’ It hasn’t had a negative impact on our club. We tryto do it in a fun way. We try not to pick on the same peopleeach week. But sometimes that’s difficult, because some-times the same people do silly stuff.”“I don’t think fining is necessarily negative,” says Joe

Vondra of Nevada. “And once a person pays a fine at thatmeeting, they’re off the hook for the rest of the meeting. Soit never really gets nasty. Not in our club, anyway. I can seein some of the bigger clubs, where there’s more politics in-volved, maybe, or more people that don’t necessarily knoweach other that well, We’re a smaller club – 20, 25 members.So it’s fun.”

Years after his Tail Twister days, former President Carter meetswith International President Al Brandel.

Lois Brodie of the Burnaby-Lougheed Lions Club nearVancouver, British Columbia, made this Easter bonnet infive minutes as part of a Tail Twister activity.