Ten steps to becoming social emotional aces-rocky top ms-parents

©2016 Sharon M Barnes, MSSW, PLLC

www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com

How Gifted Students Can Become

Social-Emotional ACESTen Steps to Building

Emotional Core Strength

Written & Presented By

Sharon M. Barnes, MSSW, LCSW

Therapist for Sensitive and

Gifted



Chelsea Behanna, PrincipalSuzanne Strain, Office Manager

Sharon M. BarnesTherapist For Sensitive and

GiftedMSSW – Masters of Science in Social Work, SDSU

LCSW – Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Colorado

USALocal Counseling/Psychotherapy

Online Distance Consultation

Presentations, PlayShops & Retreats

Professional DevelopmentJungian-oriented depth work to: Release your Creativity

Heal your Past

Transform your Pain

Become Fully Alive

Find & Fulfill your True Purpose

©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC. www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com

GT Kids (of all ages)

CAN be ACES at . . .

Asynchrony

soCial Skills

Emotional

Resilience

Self-esteem

What’s an

ACE?

Exhibit A:

o Elite baseball pitcher

o Team’s best starter

o First in the rotation

o Plays the BIG

games



What’s a Social-Emotional ACE?

Social –Emotional ACES =

“5 G’s”

1. Gain perspective (big picture)

2. Gain understanding and

acceptance of self & others

3. Gain skills to balance and

express emotions

4. Gain skills to meet own

social-emotional needs

effectively

5. Gain skills to establish and

maintain social relationships

©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC.


Here’s HOW

to Develop

Emotional Core

Strength and

Become

Social-Emotional

ACES

But WHY are

Social-Emotional

Skills

SO DIFFICULT

For Gifted

Students?

Creative

Acutely Aware

Super- Sensitive

Intense, often Introverted and/or

Gifted

You? someone you know?

= CASIGY™©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC. www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com

How Few of Us Are There?

Neurotypicals

HSP/SPS

Gifted

.5-

5%

80%

20%





I’m an Alien

What’s it like to be

DIFFERENT?



Something’s

WRONG with ME!

What’s it Like to be

DIFFERENT?


HERE’S THE BIG PICTURE:

A Great Tragedy

o Under –Achievement

o Alienation

o Dumbing down

o Copping out

o Dropping out

o Wasted intelligence

o Wasted talent

o Wasted lives

o Suicides of Gifted & Talented

People

o School Shootings ← GT Students

Dumbing Down Wasted Potential

~2005: Gifted Girls start dumbing

themselves down in middle school so

they can be accepted

~2015: Curriculum is now dumbed down

for all students so they can “feel good

about themselves”

~2016 Preschool gifted children dumb

themselves down to be accepted

A Great Tragedy

Bullying

A Great Tragedy

• By 8th grade 2/3 of gifted students have

been bullied (Purdue Univ).

• 22 – 49% of other students bullied

• WHY?• Exceptional school performance/jealousy

• Perceived as Teacher’s pet

• Perceived as a Know-it-all

• Acceleration or Enrichment = special

privilege

• Have different interests (I.e., not football)

• Isolated (group is protection)

• Over-excitabilities/Sensitivities

Psychological

Autopsies by Jim

Delisle, PhD:

oVirginia Tech, VA

oRed Lake, MN

oLittleton, CO

oAurora , CO

oTuscon, AZ

oNewtown, CN

A Great Tragedy

Limited/No Points of

Convergence

• Family income/Backgrounds

• Prior suicidal ideation

• Ethnic heritage/race

Multiple points of convergence Social awkwardness

Victims of frequent bullying

Left hints of their planned shootings, mostly through social

media

Diagnosed with anxiety or mood disorders; several on

Prozac

Killings were well-planned, sometimes months or years in

advance

Came to the attention of mental health professionals earlier

Very little criminal behavior prior to shootings

Experienced a significant loss (divorce, death, defeat) within

months of the shootings

Engaged in repetitive viewing of violent media and were

obsessed with previous mass shootings

Universal Points of

Convergence1. Mid- or late-adolescent males.

2. All either knew their victims or were familiar with the location of

the shootings, although no direct threats were given to victims

prior to the attacks.

3. Shootings were done in retaliation for bullying and/or some

perceived transgression for an injustice they felt.

4. Fixation with death, gore and violence in their writings and/or

actions.

5. Each shooter was noted in early years as ranging from “bright” to

“highly gifted”, although their school records vary in quality.

The Scope of the Problem

United States

Suicide is the

THIRD leading cause of

death for ages 10-24. (2013

CDC WISQARS)

Each day there are an

average of over 5,400

attempts by young people

grades 7-12.

4 out of 5 teens who

attempt suicide have given

clear warning signs

Colorado Suicide is SECOND

leading cause of death for

CO teens

Colorado is 8th in nation

for teen suicides

o Someone dies by suicide worldwide every 16-17minutes

o 90% of suicide victims have a treatable mental illness or

substance abuse disorder

o Suicide is the most preventable form of death

o 40% of suicide victims have alcohol or drugs in blood

o Several Colorado gifted students have committed suicide in

recent years

©2016 Sharon M Barnes, MSSW, PLLC ∙ www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com

Myths About SuicidePeople who talk about suicide won’t really do it

Anyone who tries to kill him/herself must be

crazy

If a person is determined to kill themselves,

nothing will stop them

People who want to commit suicide won’t

accept help

Talking about suicide may give someone the

idea

Unsuccessful attempts minimize future

attempts©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC. www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com

Warning Signs Plans are made or attempts to secure the means for

suicide

Talking about suicide plans

Scratching, cutting or marking the body

Increased risk-taking behaviors (running away, driving recklessly, etc.)

Alcohol or drug use

Neglect of appearance

Marked personality or behavior change

Persistent boredom, inability to concentrate

Decline of quality of school work

Verbal hints, “I won’t be here much longer”

Giving away possessions

Becoming suddenly very cheerful after a period of prolonged depression


What to Do

Take any suicidal thought or suicide threat

seriously

Stay with them 24/7 until you are sure they are

safe.

Report the situation NOW to your

psychotherapist, teacher, counselor, principal or

local law enforcement.

Use Safe2Tell 877-542-SAFE (7233) or Text-A-Tip.

If there is an immediate threat, call 911or go to the nearest emergency room


http://www.dcsheriff.net/yess/text-a-tip/




Asynchrony

soCial Skills

Emotional

Resilience

Self-esteem

CNS responses in children with Sensory Processing

Disorder: o 5 – 10 times AS MUCH response

o 5-10 times AS FAST a response

No SPD? Consider this . . . . .

What if you have 2-3 times AS MUCH a CNS response

or 2-3 times AS FAST a CNS response as Neurotypicals?

Source: Sensational Kids by Lucy Jane Miller, PhD, OTR





Gifted Students

Need Mascots too!

CASIGYs’

Mascots*Different*o ridiculedo excluded

o shunned

o shamed

o ostracized

o banished into

exile©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC. www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com

Sigg

y

Casi



Meet Casi & Siggy You may know of their famous uncle

You haven’t met Casi or Siggy … or their cousins (yet)

These things often run in families

CASIGYs often feel isolated

There’s really many of us . . . You’re not alone

Siggy

Casi

Meg

Reggie



because of . . .

LATER …



Their uncle returned from

exile and saved the day . . .

for the (global) community


Also

because of . .

.



Wh

at’

s

YO

UR

S?

• 2• 3

• 1• 4

ReturnRed Nose: MisFit

OutcastExile

CASIGY Cycle of Discouragement

The

Hero &

Heroine’

s

Journey





Being Different & Giftedis not proof of your inferiority;

Instead, it is an engraved invitation to the

Hero’s and Heroine’s Journey



The Mythical Hero’s &

Heroine’s Journey



CASIGYs ─You’re NOT

Defective;

You’re Different …by Design!



• 2• 3

• 1• 4

Creative Contri-bution

Creative Coping

Creative Healing

Creative Transfor-

mation

CASIGY Cycle of Encouragement

The

Hero’s &

Heroine’

s

Journey



Foundation Stone 2: Who am I & Where am I in this picture?

Creative

Acutely Aware

Super- Sensitive

Intense, often Introverted and/or

Gifted

You? someone you know?

= CASIGY™©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC. www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com





There’s (at least) 3 Kinds of

Gifted Students

Superstars

Strivers

IndependentsSource: Gifted GrownUps

By MaryLou Kelly Stresnewski





Join the Magical MisFits

?



BE WEIRD! Says Graham Moore,

Oscar-winning screen writer

Preparation for

the Journey



Multi-Purpose

Tool:

What is the most powerful, yet

hidden tool that parents and

teachers have that will help

CASIGY kids and teens become

Social-Emotional ACES?

Modeling / Monkey-See, Monkey-Do

It’s the most natural way we all

learn

Kids do what we DO, not what we

SAY

It takes one to know one

You can't lead someone where you

are not willing or able to go

Implication:

Use these tools for yourself

FIRST

THEN you can pass them along©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC.


Foundation Stone 3: Monkey-See─Monkey-Do

Emotions are like Ocean Waveso natural phenomenon

o energy

o don’t ask permission

o respond to the weather, moon & earth’s movement

o Our 1st reaction is to

o When we fight them,

o Learn to READ them

o Learn to RIDE them

F IGHT THEM

WE LOSE We can stay SAFE

We can have FUN









12 Barriers to Feeling Our Emotions



1. DON’T

FEEL!

oDon't feel sad

oDon't feel mad

oDon't feel bad

oDon't feel too

glad/happy

oDon’t feel

__________

So We Stuff our

Emotions

The Result?


www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.comEmotional Volcanoes

Emotional Floods



Have You Had This

at Home or School?

Emotional Icebergs

We’re Afraid the Dam will

BURST



GREEN Flag = Small waves = ALL

CLEAR

ORANGE Flag = Medium waves = CAUTION

RED Flag = Big waves = DANGER

BLACK Flag = Tsunami = GET OFF THE

BEACH

PURPLE Flag = Something’s in the water

= BEWARE

What Color Flag is flying on Your Inner

Beach?





CASIGY™ Tool #1 First

Best

Last

Use anywhere

Use anytime

BREATHE

www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com/

Resources/

CASIGY Tool Box/

Relaxation Breathing Exercises

http://www.therapistforsensitiveandgifted.com/

Release

your

emotions(To save the dam,

open a flue)



www.TherapistForSensitiveAndGifted.com/

Resources/

CASIGY Tool Box/

CASIGY TNT (Tune-iN-Tool)

http://www.therapistforsensitiveandgifted.com/

http://therapistforsensitiveandgifted.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/1a-DAILY-TUNE-IN-TOOL.pdf





“I’ve decided to outsource my emotional

needs”©2016 Sharon M. Barnes, LCSW, PLLC.


5. What do I need? How can I meet this need?



How do I interpret this event or situation?

o What’s my first take on what it means?

o Things are not always as they seem –

does it REALLY mean this?

o What else might it mean?



CASIGYs Often Believe:

“I’m Different, therefore

something’s wrong

with me; I’m

Defective, Inferior,

and Inadequate”




Dabrowski’s Theory of

Positive Disintegration

o Emotions influence personality development

o Intelligence is not a sufficient condition for human development

o Experience of negative emotions is essential for advanced psychological development.

o Therefore the goal of therapy is not to eliminate negative emotions

o When individuals are on the path of development, negative emotions are essential companions

o Negative emotions may break apart lower levels of development and thus prepare us for higher levels of development

o Therefore having negative emotions may be a harbinger of further development



Jung’s Depth Psychology: Most people can stay undeveloped psychically

with no particularly negative consequences for

themselves

They are unconscious and are perfectly happy

being unconscious.

They give lots of other people trouble and pain,

but they are not pained because of their

unconsciousness.

Many (especially CASIGYs) DO have a great

NEED to develop to a deeper, higher, broader

level.

They develop symptoms (neuroses) that haunt

them unless and until they become more and

more conscious and more developed

psychologically.

Like those who MUST explore new physical

territory (California or BUST), they MUST

individuate.

Tragically, they most often misinterpret the

meaning of their symptoms, AKA neuroses.

They need to understand that their symptoms

are signs of an INVITATION WITH AN

IMPERATIVE TO GROW & DEVELOP FURTHER.



Being Different & Giftedis not proof of your inferiority;

Instead, it is an engraved invitation to the

Hero’s and Heroine’s Journey



CASIGYs ─You’re NOT

Defective;

You’re Different …by Design!








Asynchrony

soCial Skills

Emotional

Resilience

Self-esteem

Sources Elaine Aron, PhD. The Highly Sensitive Person.

Elaine Aron, PhD. The Highly Sensitive Child

Campbell, Joseph. Hero with a Thousand Faces

Jung, C.G., MD. Two Essays on Analytical Psychology.

Sal Mendaglio, PhD. Dabrowski's Theory of Positive

Disintegration

James T. Webb, PhD. Searching for Meaning. Idealism, Bright

Minds, Disillusionment, and Hope

James T. Webb, PhD and Edward R. Amend, PhD.

Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and

Adults: ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Asperger's, Depression


Date post:	23-Jan-2018
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Ten steps to becoming social emotional aces-rocky top ms-parents

Education