T H E B E S T O F

L I T O R G Y

I S S U E 1

EDITORS F OR THIS IS S UE

/Angely Chi/

/Grac ielle Deanne Tub era/

Digital Ed itio n

Marc h 2015

ALL WORKS P RINTED IN THIS IS S UE OF THE BES T OF

LITORGY HAVE BEEN P RINTED WITH P ERMIS S ION F ROM

THE AUTHORS .

S inc e 2014, LitOrgy has b een c o -o rganized b y the Yo ung Davao

Writers with P ulo ng, the interc o llegiate literary arts o rganizatio n

in Davao C ity.

Co ver b y Angely Chi

LitOrgy p o s ter 1 b y Ram Bo tero , P amela Ho filea, Angely Chi

LitOrgy p o s ters 2 5 b y Angely Chi

Vis it http :/ / lito rgy. tumb lr. c o m fo r mo re info and p ho to s .

TEXT

Ed ito rs No tes /Angely Chi/

/Grac ielle Deanne Tub era/

ESSAY

LitOrgy 3: Chas ing the Rain /Jeffrey B. Javier/

POETRY

S he Do es n t Kno w But I Kno w /Allen S ams uya/

Valid Meas urements /R ia Vald ez/

Our S to ry in Revers e /R ia Lumap as /

Mas o c his t s Od e to a Wo und /Viv S alve/

T inap ay Rep ub lic o f T inap ays /Darylle Rub ino /

My Vagina is Magic al /Nina Maria Matalam-Alvar ez/

FICTION

Exc erp t fro m Bad Heart /Jo hn Bengan/

I d i d n o t t h i n k o f L i t O r g y t o b e

a n e v e n t m a i n l y f o r w r i t e r s .

When I lo o k at the firs t p o s ter no w, I am remind ed that

LitOrgy was no t o nly s up p o s ed to b e a literary o rgy o f the

writing and the read ing p ub lic , b ut als o a c o ming to gether o f

p eo p le fro m d ifferent d is c ip lines who s e texts are no t fo und in

p ages b ut in their b o d ies , in their s o ngs , and in their images .

It is als o a lit o rgy, and what illuminates it is the

c o mmunio n o f mind s and b o d ies in b ars , even in b ad weather,

that will the hap p ening o f lit t le earthq uakes in this c ity, thro ugh

p o etry, s to ries , mus ic , art , and p erfo rmanc es .

The firs t t ime o rganizing LitOrgy in 2009 was like thro wing

s to nes in the d ark o f p eo p le s head s . A c all was s ent o ut to

friend s who then p as s ed it o n to their friend s . A mix o f aro und 15

p eo p le c ame to the firs t meeting o n January 31, 2009 in a s mall

c afe in R izal S treet. S o me were s tud ent s and alumni o f the

Creative Writing p ro gram in UP -Mind anao , s o me were memb ers

o f the lo c al b o o kc lub , s o me were b lo ggers , and s o me were vis ual

artis ts . The aim o f the meeting was to c o me up with a c ultural

event that will s ho wc as e the wo rks o f the yo ung an d res tles s

writers , mus ic ians , and artis ts o n o ur o wn terms .

One o f the attend ees , Yas Oc amp o , mad e a p un o f liturgy,

whic h d o es no t o nly p ertain to religio us Catho lic ritual, b ut is

d efined as a fo rm o f p ub lic wo rs hip . Naming the event LitOrgy

was p erhap s , ho w we c ame to o ur o wn, to b e in a way

s ac rilegio us o f autho rity and Web s ter s d ic tio nary meaning.

We d ec id ed to ho ld the firs t LitOrgy at the d efunc t Durian

Bar, then the mec c a o f the Davao ind ie mus ic s c ene, o n Marc h

28, 2009. The d ate tu rned o ut to b e als o the d ay o f the Earth

Ho ur, whic h c o inc id ed with o ur event. S o fo r an ho ur, we held

the p o etry read ings and mus ic al p erfo rmanc es in the half -d ark,

the p erfo rmanc e s p ac e lit o nly b y the p ro jec to r s ho wing images

o f art .

Mo s t o f the p erfo rmanc es and the p o ems read were raw. Our

b o nes and vo ic es ratt led with nervo us nes s . It was the firs t t ime

fo r many o f us to p erfo rm o ur writings and b o rro wed p iec es to an

aud ienc e o f mo s tly s trangers .

Davao Writers Guild memb ers Mac ario T iu and Maria

Virginia Yap -Mo rales were there to lend their s up p o rt and Mac

T iu gave an enc o uraging s p eec h to the yo ung b and o f amateur

artis ts , writers , and mus ic ians , even if o ur wo rks then p as s ed his

c riteria o f b eing thro wn in the Bangkero han R iver. A s et s to ne

has b een mo ved .

At the end o f the event, at the t ip o f exhilaratio n, we

p ro mis ed we were go ing to d o it again. It to o k three years until

the next o ne in 2012 b efo re it b ec ame an annual gathering o f

s o rts . What we s tarted in 2009, we ho p e to c o ntinue in many

years until o ur head s turn gray, and mo re heed the c all o f the lit

o rgy, s end ing waves o f tremo rs thro ugho ut the c ity. Yes , we are

jus t gett ing s tarted .

A N G E L Y C H I

P HOTO / Julienne Mumar /

I f e l t s o r i d i c u l o u s l y o u t o f

p l a c e o n t h e f i r s t l i t o r g y . I attend ed that I wanted to go ho me even b efo re the event s tarted . Walking

to the litOrgy, I was s ure that I wanted to go to the read ing. I was

to ld there wo uld b e alc o ho l. Mo re than that, I was p ro mis ed

p o etry.

Onc e there, ho wever, s urro und ed with unfamiliar p eo p le who

s eemed to kno w eac h o ther thro ugh s o me writing c o urs e o r

wo rks ho p o r ano ther, it was hard to rememb er why I d ragged

mys elf to the event in the firs t p lac e.

I was s tud ying Nurs ing b ac k then, and while I was alread y

writing, I felt unc o mfo rtab le with the o thers who als o enjo yed

what I liked d o ing, es p ec ially tho s e who s eemed to kno w mo re

ab o ut writ ing than I d id . As I c irc led the ro o m, nervo us ly talking

to c as ual ac q uaintanc es and tens ely waiting fo r the p ro mis ed

alc o ho l, I d read ed the tho ught that I had o vers tep p ed my

b o und aries .

When the read ings s tarted , the aud ienc e was mad e to s it o n

the flo o r. Cand les were lighted to c o rd o n o ff the p erfo rming area.

A high s to o l was in the mid d le o f the makes hift s tage. Jeffrey

Jep o y Javier read the intro d uc to ry p iec e fo r Chas ing the Rain,

and Allen S ams uya p layed guitar to ac c o mp any the read ing.

Everyo ne was s ilent.

Jep o y read to a s o lemn c ro wd a p iec e ab o ut the lo nelines s o f

writers , the need fo r eq ually lo nely writer -friend s , and the

lo nging to s p eak and to b e heard b y ano ther. I s t ill d o no t kno w if

it was his way o f read ing, the mus ic that ac c o mp anied his p iec e,

o r the c and les that lent the read ing a go ld en glo w, b ut with every

s entenc e Jep o y read ab o ut his lo nelines s as a writer, a b ub b ling

o f yes threatened to es c ap e my thro at. Yes , I kno w that feeling.

Yes , I und ers to o d . Yes , yes , yes .

Writing is a p as s io n I d id no t o p enly talk ab o ut with anyo ne.

I d id no t talk ab o ut it with my friend s who s tud ied writing

b ec aus e I felt that my uns c ho o led tho ughts ins ulted their

territo ry. I c ertainly d id no t talk ab o ut it with the p eo p le fro m

Nurs ing; they were to o b us y learning ab o ut s ic k b o d ies to even

c are ab o ut writ ing. I was to o intimid ated to talk ab o ut writ ing

with o ne c irc le o f friend s , and writing was to o irrelevant to talk

ab o ut in the o ther.

T rap p ed in b etween two gro up s who d o no t fully und ers tand

my c o mp uls io n to write, I res o lved to b e s ilent ab o ut writ ing. It

was a s ilenc e that I kep t well, b ut it had b een a lo nely keep ing.

That night, ho wever, when Jep o y, a c o mp lete s tranger o n

s tage, ec ho ed my o wn lo nelines s to a lis tening aud ienc e, I felt an

eas e in the s train o f my s o litud e. That night, in that wind o wles s

S o uths p o t s tud io , hud d led o n the flo o r with an unfamiliar and

intimid ating c ro wd , s haring with them the glo w o f c and les and

the lo nelines s o f writ ing, I felt that s o meb o d y finally und ers to o d .

I felt fo r o nc e that I b elo nged .

Three years and two o ther litOrgy event s have alread y

p as s ed s inc e that night. I have attend ed every LitOrgy s inc e, and

have, s inc e then, mad e c lo s e friend s o ut o f the p eo p le I met that

night. Whenever a new litOrgy is o rganized , I imagine that there

is a new p ers o n in the c ro wd o f lis teners , w aiting to b e arres ted

b y the earnes t c o mp any the writers o n s tage are read y to o ffer.

The litOrgy is the lo nges t -running lit read ing and p o etry

p erfo rmanc e event in Davao . A take -o ff fro m the P o etry Night

p revio us ly ho s ted b y the Davao Writers Guild , the LitOrgy is re-

c o nc ep tualized b y the Yo ung Davao Writers in 2009. The litOrgy

gathers Davao writers o f d ifferent b ac kgro und s and vario us c rafts

in an info rmal literary c o mmunio n.

Mo re than a p latfo rm fo r artis ts to s p eak and to b e heard ,

the LitOrgy is an o utreac h fo r tho s e who lo ng to rec o gnize in

ano ther their o wn s truggle and lo nelines s . It is where the yo ung

literary c o mmunity o f Davao meets and makes new writer friend s .

As the event gro ws to invo lve and reac h mo re and mo re

p eo p le, the litOrgy maintains to b e a p ro ud s ho wc as e o f Davao s

yo ung and vib rant literary c o mmunity.

This zine c o mp iles s o me o f the b es t and mo s t well -rec eived

p iec es read and p erfo rmed in the p as t five ins tallments o f the

litOrgy that we managed to gather in a s ho rt s p an o f t ime. There

remains to b e a numb er o f go o d p iec es and p erfo rmanc es that will

s o o n b e in p rint in the next is s ues o f The Bes t o f LitOrgy zine.

With the exc ep tio n o f the firs t two ins tallments , whic h p iec es

have no t s urvived the memo ries o f the event o rg anizers , a few

litOrgy events are c hro nic led here, thro ugh the p iec es that mad e

and d efined eac h lit night.

G R A C I E L L E D E A N N E T UB E R A

P HOTO /Aya Carreo n/

P HOTO /Julienne Mumar/

P HOTO /Lyan B. Villac o rta/

L i t O r g y 3 : C h a s i n g t h e R a i n / J E F F R E Y B . J A VI E R /

This es s ay is ins p ired b y the c lo s ing remarks o f Ma am

Merlie Alunan at the 2012 Iligan Natio nal Writers Wo rks ho p two

weeks ago . As yo u kno w, this year s theme o f LitOrgy 3 is

ins p ired b y Ma am Merlie s p o em Chas ing the Rain.

In her c lo s ing remarks , to p arap hras e, s he s aid , Writers

o nly gather when there is a writers wo rks ho p , o r a writ ing

c o nventio n. The ac tual writ ing p ro c es s its elf is a lo nely p ro c es s .

Writing is a lo nely end eavo r.

To night, we are gathered b ec aus e we are lo nely.

When we go o ut, the wo rld we s ee is b ut o ur o wn. When we

go to Maria Chris tina F alls , to the is land o f S iq uijo r, to Mo unt

Ap o , o r have a field trip to Mintal , no o ne els e s ees the vis io n we

s ee. When family, friend s , and o ur lo vers are with us even when

they are s eeing the s ame land s c ap e they will never s ee what is

manifes ting in fro nt o f us .

It is lo nely in every s tep : fro m when the vis io n ap p ears to

the c o nc ep tio n o f the id ea, fro m writing the firs t wo rd s to re -

vis io ning the init ial d raft , fro m c o ns id ering to s c rap the who le

p ro jec t to finally d ec id ing to have it o ut there, gett ing it

p ub lis hed . In every s tep , no o ne is with us . That is why we gather

here to night: as the wo rd s o f Allen, Karla, and Yas , to find

c o mfo rt in unfamiliar waters , to find s helter fro m the rain.

When we write s o mething, a p o em p erhap s to a lo ved o ne,

we d o no t exp ec t a rep ly. And mo s t o f the t ime, there is no rep ly.

S o me writers are luc ky to find s o meo ne who rep lies to their

wo o ing and p ining. Mo s t o f the t ime, they find thems elves with a

p artner who is als o a writer jus t like ho w writer lo vers find eac h

o ther.

I am luc ky, mys elf, no t b ec aus e I have a writer -lo ver. What

I have are writer-friend s .

When I was s tarting to writ e, I mad e friend s who were als o

s tarting to write: there were Lo lo y, Kae, Ro s elle, Allen, and

Marius ; we were in the s ame c las s es . S o meho w, we grew up

having the s ame d ilemmas o f writ ing, mo s tly ab o ut ins p irati o n

and d ead lines . Thro ugho ut the years , the numb er o f thes e writer

friend s has gro wn, fro m within the s c ho o l literary o rganizatio n to

s tud ents fro m o ther s c ho o ls , fro m writing wo rks ho p s to even

tho s e in the Internet who m we s hare mutual tas te: literature.

Even tho ugh o ur writings are d ifferent and we d eal with

s ep arate is s ues , we have fo und eac h o ther and have kno wn things

that will s o o the o ur ac hes and p ac ify o ur tremb ling hearts

thro ugho ut o ur lives .

That is why we gather here to night: to rec o gnize s o me

tend ernes s that are s o mewhat s imilar to o ur o wn, to make

ac q uaintanc es with the p ro p rieto rs o f p ain.

We are alo ne. In writing, we c o mp ens ate this lo nelines s b y

releas ing o ur wo rd s : to s end them o ut there, to have them

p ub lis hed , to have them read , and as what we are d o ing here

to night, to have them s p o ken.

Ho wever, gett ing the wo rks o ut there is mo s tly fo r the ego .

When o ur wo rk is p ub lis hed in a news p ap er, in a magazine, in o ur

b lo g, in Dagmay, o r even in a F ac eb o o k no te, o ur ego is

rep res ented . There is p rid e in it . We are p ro ud o f it , and

ho p efully, s o meo ne els e will ap p rec iate it .

When that s o meo ne s end s an email, a c o mment, o r even a

t iny like o n o ur wo rk, the ego is rub b ed , fluffed , and fattened .

Ho w muc h mo re when o ur wo rks get into a wo rks h o p , o r

p ub lis hed in an antho lo gy, o r p rinted in o ur very o wn b o o k, o r

wins an award , ho w muc h mo re the ego is to wered and hard ened .

S till, in this mo c k ivo ry to wer, we are alo ne.

Ho w els e c an the wo rld b etter rep ay o ur lo nelines s ? We

d es erve mo re: the wo r ld gets s o mething o ut o f o ur lo nelines s ; we

remain s o litary in o ur emp ty ro o ms . F o r me, the attentio n and

d is tinc tio ns are eno ugh. The ego o f a lo nely p ers o n is b ut a d us t

mo te; try to c rus h it and it is no mo re in the s unlight.

This is why we gather her e to night: to get o ur ego s rub b ed ,

to have o ur lo nelines s c o mp ens ated ,

and mo s t imp o rtantly, to leave o ur ivo ry to wers and have o ur

wo rks s p read .

The tit le Chas ing the Rain is fit t ing b ec aus e the wo rd s

reverb erate a theme that is c o mmo n to lo nely p eo p le: the theme

o f eternal p urs uit: the s earc h fo r Go d , the trail o f a lo s t lo ve, the

d es ire to go b ac k to c hild ho o d , the d reams o f an anc ient hunt, th e

q ues ts to o uter s p ac e, to s ing fo r o ur unb o rn c hild ren, to run after

the ep hemeral and the interminab le. But b ec aus e we are gathered

here to night, the c has e wo n t b e as lo nely as ever.

This is the third LitOrgy event. Angely Chi c o nc ep tualized

and o rganized the firs t LitOrgy b ac k in 2009 at Durian Bar,

P o nc iao S treet. LitOrgy is the o ffs p ring o f P o etry Night, the

literary event Davao Writers Guild us ed to ho ld . After its init ial

s uc c es s three years ago it wo uld never rec ur until o nly las t

F eb ruary 2012 thro ugh the effo rts o f Allen S ams uya and Karla

S ings o n that LitOrgy is b ac k o n the c alend ar o f Davao literary

events .

LitOrgy has always b een an info rmal and intimate o c c as io n. That

is why o n this rainy night, we hud d le to gether s it t ing o n s heets o f

p lywo o d und er the s hed o f c amarad erie, s haring p o ems and

d rinks , watc hing wo rd s p o ur d o wn and d renc h the wo rld .

To end , here is a p art o f Ma am Merlie Alunan s Chas ing

the Rain:

win d stin g in g ou r fa ces

overh ea d th e b ird s

sh riekin g tu rn b a ck

tu rn b a ck tu rn b a ck

b eh in d u s, look,

b rig h t f ield s, th e sea

g lin tin g g old !

weve come th is fa r

ch a sin g th e ra in ,

th e su n a t ou r h eels.

Thank yo u and enjo y the night.

With Allen S a msu ya p rovid in g th e g u ita r mu sic, th is p iece wa s

rea d d u rin g L itOrg y 3 : Ch a sin g th e Ra in , Ju n e 2 , 2 0 1 2 , a t

S ou th S p ot S tu d io, I ig o S t. (An d a ) , Da va o C ity. L itOrg y is

org a n ized b y th e You n g Da va o Writers.

S h e D o e s n t K n o w B u t I K n o w / A L L E N SA M SUY A /

S he d o es n t kno w b ut I kno w

ho w s he s till has the ho ts fo r me.

Ho w s he keep s her hair kemp t

and s melling o f warm gin

and c itrus s o s he s c ertain

s he into xic ates me d es p ite

the d is tanc e s he c laims

to have b etween us . And ho w

s he wants me to take her hard

agains t s o mething. A wall, p erhap s .

Or a c lo s et. Or a king-s ized b ed .

This , I c an tell b y the way s he walks

away. The s hap e lo ve takes

when nurtured in s ec rec y p o is ed

o n the c urves o f her wais t .

But s he walks away, anyway._

Allen S a msu ya rea d th is p iece on L itOrg y 4 , Feb ru a ry 1 6 , 2 0 1 3 .

V a l i d M e a s u r e m e n t s / R I A V A L D E Z /

Yo u s ai d i t was f o r P E Cl as s .

The n yo u hande d me a t ape me as ur e ,

and I s mo o t he ne d o ut t he numbe r s

and t he l i ne s be t we e n t he m,

t r yi ng t o ge t yo ur f i nge r pr i nt s o n my t humbs ,

be f o r e I pl ac e d t he m o n yo u.

Fac e wi dt h:

The mo l e unde r yo ur l e f t e ye ,

was s i x i nc he s away

f r o m t he t i p o f my e ye l as h

and o ne i nc h abo ve my t humb.

Fac e l e ngt h:

The ne w s c ab o n yo ur c hi n,

and t he unno t i c e d pai nt s mudge

o n yo ur f o r e he ad was s e ve n i nc he s away

f r o m t he s we at f o r mi ng o n t he t i p o f my no s e .

Ar m l e ngt h:

The r ai nbo w l o o mband ar o und yo ur l e f t wr i s t

was f i ve i nc he s away f r o m my hi p bo ne

s i x i nc he s away f r o m my t hi gh

whi c h was t hr e e i nc he s away f r o m yo ur f i nge r t i ps

.

Sho ul de r wi dt h:

I was br e at hi ng f o ur i nc he s away

f r o m yo ur ne c k. Yo u di dnt c o mpl ai n.

And af t e r t aki ng al l t he s e me as ur e me nt s ,

I r e al i ze d ho w f ar we we r e .

Ri a Va l d e z p e r f o r me d t h i s p i e ce o n Li t Or g y 5 , Au g u s t 3 0 , 2 0 1 4

O u r S t o r y i n R e v e r s e / R I A L UM A P A S/

S o meb o d y s p illed yo ur name to d ay that I jus t had to take

a s tep b ac k S it .

And utter it fo r mys elf F eel it ro ll o ut o f my to ngue again

after all thes e mo nths o f s ilenc e

Nerud a was right Lo ve is s o s ho rt , fo rgetting is s o lo ng. And the fo lly o f rememb ranc e lies in this tragic p hras e

what if What if yo u were here

What if the wo rd s yo u and me

were s till attac hed b y the hip

Lo ve is s o s ho rt , fo rgetting is s o lo ng. But what if it were the o ther way aro und

S o to night, let s p retend Let s p retend the wo rld o p erated in revers e P eo p le grew yo ung ins tead o f o ld

That the s un revo lved aro und the earth That gravity meant falling to ward s

the s ky And that lo ve s tarted with

a war ins tead o f end ing with it

That it b egins like this : Yo u and I

hurling hurtful wo rd s at eac h o ther b o th o f us b ro ken

c rying, s taggering in p ain, b leed ing lo o king fo r o ur lo s t limb s

That we eventually find o ut lo s t p iec es

S ay, the guillo tines never go t us c o mp letely

Our jugulars intac t Our wris ts s afe

We then p ro c eed o n to tend ing o ur o p en wo und s Yo u b o rro w my unto uc hed d ermis

I p ut to urniq uet aro und yo ur heart And we hug and kis s and s leep

arms intertwined and wake up with yo ur head b uried in my hair

Everyd ay wo uld feel like we jus t met fo r the firs t t ime

And we fo rget everything and rememb er o nly that

we lo ve we lo ve

we lo ve. We rep eat this c yc le

o f affec tio n and res t F eed o ff eac h o ther

s o p o werful we red efine Mas lo w s need s Everything b ec o mes s imp le

and natural and p eac eful

And we las t we las t

we las t to gether.

Wo uld this have b een a b etter s to ry I d o n t kno w T ruth is

I ve never b een go o d at fic tio n And whenever I s ay yo ur name

the ro ugh ed ges s till s c athe my to ngue

that I end up with ulc ers in my mo uth

I m res igned to the id ea that every no w and then

I wo uld unlo c k this hurric ane in my c hes t I m res igned to the id ea it s imp o s s ib le to fo rget a war like o urs Nerud a was right.

Lo ve is s o s ho rt .

But s o metimes the fo rgetting d o es n t hap p en at all.

R ia L u ma pa s p erformed th is p iece on L itOrg y 5 , Au g u st 3 0 , 2 0 1 4 .

M a s o c h i s t s O d e t o a W o u n d / VI V SA L VE /

I was a c o llege fres hman when I firs t s aw her.

Here s the s c ene: o b s c ure Jap anes e s o ng p ierc ed

the s ultry air in the ro o m; the p ro fes s o r s to o d

with arms c ro s s ed , his haughty d ark b ro wn eyes ins p ec ted

the s tud ents d anc ing o n the p o o rly lit s tage;

then I s aw her s tand ing as if firewo rks

exp lo d ed ins id e o f her, and s et

her s kin aglo w. And that was when ed ges

o f s harp vivid c o lo rs s o ftened

to mo no c hro me, vo ic es turned to mo no to ne,

and then d ied . S he wo re

a lo ng d res s as white as her s kin it lo o ked o ne

with her b o d y. A s alako t o n her head .

Vietnames e?

Her gro up wo uld go next o n s tage. While I

fo rgo t when o ur turn was .

Her jet b lac k hair p lunged

s traight d o wn and d rap ed her s ho uld ers .

F lec ks o f laughter glit tered her eyes

that s eemed s maller as s he s miled to no o ne s p ec ific .

The c o lo r o f her lip s was the s ame with the b lo o d

that gus hed o ut fro m my gas h o nc e. I liked

that o nly light b lus h p ainted her c heeks . And I liked

ho w I felt a s mile nes tle

o n my fac e as I fixed

my gaze o n her. I s at ,

s tared ,

s miled ,

s wo re,

and s miled o nc e mo re.

I s tayed a s ec ret

in the s had es o f my b lac k lo o s e c lo thes

as a wo man fro m Iraq .

S he d ug into my s kin

like myriad need les and p ins ,

and I watc hed it s p linter

as my fingers s lithered d o wn the s lo p es

and valleys o f my s kin. I watc hed her with b lis s

as s he b ec ame the ind elib le faults

and fis s ures las hed o n my s kin. With d elight

I wo uld d ip my ind ex finger into the o p en wo und s ,

and let the hurt

linger,

thro b ,

s t ing

with life, always c o me b ac k

like a b o o merang.

S he might b e

s tand ing in the next ro o m I enter,

and the wo und wo uld b leed o nc e mo re. But s till,

there was no urge

to c eas e the gus h. I let the b lo o d run d o wn.

Viv S a lve p erformed th is p iece on L itOrg y 5 , Au g u st 3 0 , 2 0 1 4 .

T i n a p a y R e p u b l i c o f T i n a p a y s / D A R Y L L E R UB I N O /

Tayo ng mga P ilip ino ay nap akap anatiko s a t inap ay. T inap ay

s a almus al, t inap ay b ago mag -almus al, t inap ay p agkatap o s mag -

jo gging b ago mag-almus al, t inap ay s a meryend a b ago

mananghalian, at p ara s a mga walang p era, yung tip o ng mga

tao ng mga p o b reng tinap ay s a lip unan, ito na d in ang

p ananghalian. S a mga med yo mayaman, ito ang mins ang

p anghimagas , lalagyan ng med yo mahal na as ukal at tad a! Ang

tig-s ingko ng p and es al at t ig -s ingkwenta na ang is ang kus ing na

p iras o .

Nas ub ukan mo na b ang ip alaman ang ic e c ream s a t inap ay?

P alagi yan s a p iging ng mga p o b reng tinap ay s a lip unan. Kung

walang ic e c ream ay yung b iho n o kung nakakaluwag ay ang

walang kamatayang s p aghetti.

Grab e and ami na nating naimb ento mula s a t inap ay. Mula s a

p ags aws aw nito s a trad is yunal na kap e hanggang p ags aws aw nito

s a c o ke at kung mins an s a juic e hanggang s a p inalamanan ito ng

p eanut b utter, c hees e whiz at kap wa nito ng tinap ay na

nagkukunwarin g kes o o ts o ko late.

P ero hind ing hind i mawawala ang walang kakup as kup as na

t inap ay s a hap o n. Hind i p wed e mawala ang tinap ay s a b alko nahe

mula alas tres hanggang s a p ag -uwi ng tatay mula s a c o ns truc tio n

o d i kaya y yung mga tatay na nagp a -airc o n s a o p is ina b uo ng

araw at nap agkatuwaan ang hap it na p ald a ng kanyang s ekretarya

at ib a p ang mga b agay s a lo o b nito . And ya -d yan p alagi ang

s imb o lo ng p agmamahal ni Inay s a mga hamak na p and es al na

s inad ya niyang b ilhin s a p inakamalap it na p anad erya s a ilalim n g

galit na araw s a tanghali hab ang s ya namamalengke o s a d aan

p auwi galing s a p amamalengke maghap o n.

Kung p wed e lang s ana ay tumakb o ang tinap ay b ilang mayo r

s a p o o k natin s igurad o ng land s lid e yan. Tyak yun! na p arang E -

head s ang p agkas ab i s a hulihang p arte ng talump ati tungko l kay

P unk Zap p a s a alb um nilang c as s ette tap e ang p agka -p ro d uc e.

Tyak maraming mga intelektwal na tao ang map ap angiti kung

mayro o ng p o s ter s a kung s aang p anad erya nanags as ab i, T inap ay

p arty lis t , is aws aw s a ko ngres o ! o T inap ay fo r P res id ent, ang

s imb o lo ng ating p agka-P ilip ino . At s a kanyang s p eec h ay

s as ab ihin nyang, Tayo ng lahat ay mga uri ng t inap ay. T inap ay

ka, t inap ay ako . Ts o ng tinap ay ka. T inap ay d in yang s yo ta mo !

Tama. T inap ay tayo ng lahat. S imulat s ap ul na tayo y m ga

harina p a lamang na makailang ulit hinamp as hamp as s a matigas

na s emento ng lames a at s inahugan ng p awis ng nag -iis a nating

p anad ero ; ang kung s ino mang d iyo s na p inaniniwalaan mo , ang

ating mga kap alaran ay d ahan d ahan nang natit imp la. Mas werte

ka kung nap agtrip an ka ng p anad ero na gawin kang mahal na

t inap ay, yung tip o ng nap aulanan ng as ukal at kes o . Hind i atin ang

d es is yo n kung ano ng klas eng harina tayo b ago is alang s a p ugo n.

P ero is ip in n yo to , hind i lahat ng matamis na t inap ay ay gawa s a

mahal na harina. Dahil s yemp re naman, ang tinap ay ay t inap ay

lang hanggang map aliguan ng as ukal o kung ano p ang ulam o

p anghimagas .

Da b es t p a rin ang p lain o ld p and es al. Mero n kas ing mga

s akto ang harina at as in at p awis ng p anad ero . Yun ang mga mas

mas werteng tinap ay, mas mas arap kays a s a mga b o b o ng tinap ay

na s iguro ay is a s a mga b arkad a mo ngayo n. Alam mo b a na ang

as in ay ep ektib o ng nakakap alakas ng tamis ? Ganyan tayo d ap at.

S a b awat b util ng as ukal ay may karamp atang as in na mas

mab uting nanggagaling s a p awis , d i lang ng p anad ero kund i s ayo

rin.

Kanina p a ako hind i nags as alita ng d irets o at

nagmamaangang magaling. S iguro naman s iguro ay nakuha mo na

ang gus to ko ng s ab ihin. Kung hind i, is a kang b o b o ng tinap ay.

Ang gus to ko lang namang ip aab o t ay kung p aano tayo n g mga

P ilip ino ay nagiging mga tao s a mga maliliit na b agay s a ating

kultura. Is ip in mo to , ang p an d e Co c o ng kinain ko kanina, ang

s yang lakas ko ngayo n p ara mais ulat ko to ng walang kwentang

s anays ay. Hind i kas ali d yan ang d iab etes na makukuha ko s a

hinaharap d ahil s a s o b ra s o b rang c arb o hyd rates na is inus ub o s a

atin ng ating kultura ng p agkain.

P ero hind i tayo ang nag-imb ento ng tinap ay. Hind i. Ang mga

kung s ino mang mga mananako p ang nagturo s a atin n yan.

Ginawa b a nila tayo ng mga tinap ay? P wed e mo ng s ab ihin yan

d ahil s ila ang nagturo s a ating makuntento s a t inap ay s a ating

p agkukumb ab a s a lo o b ng ilang tao n hab ang ginawa nila tayo ng

mga p anghimagas ng kanilang p agyaman. P ero p agkatap o s ng

ilang s angd aang tao n s a maiinit na p ugo n, maraming mga

matatap ang na mga tinap ay ang is inilang. At s imula no o n, d ahil

s a kalayaan tinamas a, marami nang klas eng mga tinap ay ang

is inilang; mga mayayaman na t inap ay, mga mahihirap na mga

tinap ay, mga b o b o ng tinap ay, mga mas unuring tinap ay, mga

reb eld eng tinap ay na kalab an ng mga p o lit iko ng tinap ay, etc .

Mahalin mo ang p agiging tinap ay mo . Ito tayo , ganito tayo ,

kultura natin to . Tand aan mo : Ang hind i maruno ng magmahal s a

p and es al ay nagkukuwanring s o s yal na c ro is s ant.

Da rylle Ru b in o rea d th is p iece on L itOrg y 5 , Au g u st 3 0 , 2 0 1 4 .

M y V a g i n a i s M a g i c a l / N I N A M A R I A M A T A L A M - A L VA R E Z /

My vagina is magic al, b ut no t in the way

d rugs , o r weight lo s s p ro grams , o r hair remo val p ro d uc ts s wear

they are, no

my vagina is magic al in a mac ab re and anc ient way. It s tretc hes

b ac k to the t ime o f Eve in the Ho ly Gard en, who

after taking a b ite o ut o f the F o rb id d en F ruit ,

d is c o vered her o wn ho ly gard en; it s tretc hes

b ac k to the p ries tes s es who read p ro p hec ies

in s tars and b o nes and s hells . P leas ure

is no t jus t her p urp o s e, it is o ne o f her p o wers , p leas e d o no t

get that twis ted . My vagina

is magic al, and every mo nth I p ay fo r that magic

with the c urrenc y o f p ain and anxiety, b ut I d o no t c are

if I have to end ure again and again, I wo uld glad ly trad e

white p ants fo r uns p eakab le p o wer, b ec aus e thes e lip s

b etween my legs , they c an s p eak in c yc les

o f b lo o d that wanes and waxes like the mo o n, the s ame mo o n

that wild wo lves ho wl to . My vagina is the c up

that c an ho ld the mirac le o f Life, a s o ng

written in c ells and tis s ues and nine mo nths . We are

uns to p p ab le, my vagina and I, b ec aus e we have p ro ven

that b leed ing fo r d ays and nights d o es no t kill a wo man. We have

p ro ven

that we c an end ure razo rs and ho t wax agains t o ur tremb ling

fles h, jus t s o

we c an b e ac kno wled ged b y a jud ging p ub lic as

c lean and feminine. We have b raved rid ic ule

and s hame after we s o s inc erely ad mitted

that we wo uld rather feel the p res s ing o f s o ft

d o wns tairs lip s to the p o und ing and p ro d d ing o f a male s haft .

My vagina is a t itan enc lo s e d

in warm, velveteen layers o f fles h. My vagina

is a p o rtal mad e o f lo ve and s trength

to welc o me new c hap ters o f life into this wo rld . My vagina

is a mas terp iec e that no b o d y will ever have the p o wer no r

p rivilege

to taint, o r mo c k, o r hurt , o r rid ic ule, b ec aus e my vagina

is magic al. S he is mad e o f the mo s t b eautiful witc hc raft

and s he is no t anyo ne s to take.

Nin a Ma ria Ma ta la m -Alva rez p erformed th is p iece on L itOrg y 5 ,

Au g u st 3 0 , 2 0 1 4 .

f r o m B a d H e a r t / J O H N B E N G A N /

I wo uld n t s ee Eman again until a c o up le o f d ays . That

evening I had the ro o m all to mys elf. To to s tayed ac ro s s the

hallway, s tud ying fo r a gro up rep o rt , while Rallie was at his

girlfriend s ap artment. Iigo s tayed o ver at a c las s mate s

b o ard ing ho us e, s ketc hing his flo o r p lans . I p ic ked up an o ld

News week fro m To to s d es k, c limb ed to b ed , then leafed thro ugh

the p ages until an artic le ab o ut Jap anes e s katers c aught my

attentio n. My eyes were getting t ired when I s ens ed s o meo ne

p eering thro ugh the d o o r.

He had his to wel o ver his s ho uld er, b o th s leeves o f his T -s hirt

to rn o ff, s ho wing d eep ly tanned arms .

Yo u have a c alc ulato r? S c ientific c alc ulato r? Anyb o d y here

who c an lend me o ne?

The wo rd s o n the magazine no lo nger mad e s ens e.

Eman fumb led with a p las tic rac k, b o ttles and c o as ters ,

p ic king up b o o ks and no tes , ruffling p ages . When he s to p p ed , I

lo o ked o ver and s aw him lo o king o ut the wind o w.

No thing here, he s aid . Then he walked o ver to my b unk.

I s t iffened as he d rew near. He s at o n the c us hio n and

c arefully p lac ed his hand o n my knee.

What are yo u read ing?

I m waiting to fall as leep .

He ran his hand d o wn my leg, s lo wly, fro m knee to ankle,

d o ing it o ver and o ver as if he enjo yed the feel o f hair b ris tling

agains t his p alm, until his hand s lid up into my s ho rts , p us hing

d eep to graze my und erwear. But he hes itated , p ulling his hand

o ut. He leaned c lo s er, gently p lac ed his head o n my c hes t, as if

s training to lis ten to the s mall mo tio ns in my b o d y. He gave o ff a

d is tinc t s mell, d eep and leathery.

He lifted his fac e. P alp itatio ns .

I d never had s o meo ne s fac e s o c lo s e. His s kin was s o f t ,

s p o tles s if no t fo r a s mall s c ar c urved o ver the b rid ge o f his no s e,

a s p ray o f t iny hairs aro und his jaw, his head ris ing and falling

with my c hes t.

We s tayed like that, q uietly, fo r almo s t a minute. He lay o n

to p o f me very s till I tho ught he was fal ling as leep .

I c an t b reathe, I s aid .

As tho ugh a s p ell had b een b ro ken Eman s at up . He s tep p ed

away fro m the b ed and left me witho ut a wo rd .

In the d ays that fo llo wed , I d ragged mys elf b etween c las s es . I

vis ited the lib rary mo re o ften than us ual; I c o uld n t s tand b eing

alo ne. By F rid ay, I was a wrec k. All I knew was that I was

nearing c o llap s e, thinking o f where Eman was , what his

intentio ns were. I c ut my las t c las s and went b ac k to the

d o rmito ry, ho p ing to find him there. And I d id .

The d o o r was unlo c ked ; I kno c ked , as ked him if we c o uld

talk. He to ld me to c o me in.

I fo und him in the lo wer b unk, s tro king hims elf, his p enis

s t ic king o ut o f his s ho rts .

Do n t leave! he c alled o ut.

The air reeked o f rain -s o aked s ho es and as h. Lo c k the

d o o r, Eman s aid .

Yo ur ro o mmates .

Jus t o ne. He mo ved o ut.

My hand q uivering, I c lo s ed the d o o r b ehind me, the lo c k

c lic king o n my thumb .

Co me c lo s er.

As I go t nearer, his c o c k lo o ked even mo re alive: a large,

s t iff , red thing.

To uc h it .

I d o n t

To uc h it , he s aid .

I s to o p ed at his s id e. He wiggled o ut o f his white T -s hirt ,

then to o k my hand b y the wris t .

I ran my eyes o n his s to mac h, the c rater o f his navel, the

thin s trip o f hair s p read ing o ver taut s kin.

S lo wly, he b reathed .

When I c lo s ed my fingers aro und him, he s tiffened , threw

his head b ac k. He mo aned . He was thro b b ing in my hand . I felt

every s p as m rip p ling thro ugh his b o d y.

Thro ugh the res t o f the s emes ter I wo uld s neak into Eman s ro o m,

b earing with me o n the way o ut his s c ent, his s p it in my mo uth,

his warmth in my p alm. One night he mad e me lie o n my s to mac h

and c lamb ered o ver me.

No , I s aid .

This is go o d fo r yo u, he s aid . F o r yo ur heart .

No !

He greas ed me up with s p it , p us hed a finger ins id e. I held

my b reath, my c hes t t ightening. When finally he entered , I was

s ure it was n t him that p ierc ed me b ut a knife, the b lad e s inging

everywhere ins id e me, and I s c reamed .

He p ut his hand o ver my mo uth. I s truggled und er him,

wanting to get as far away fro m this o therwo rld ly p ain, b ut his

weight d efeated me, p inio ned me there like a b ug. I wanted to

faint, b ut the p ain to o k ho ld o f me, wanted me to s ee. Here is all

yo u d es ire.

It o nly hurts the firs t t ime, Eman s aid afterward .

I lay s till. The s lightes t to uc h c aus ed p ain.

Joh n Ben g a n rea d th is excerp t on L itOrg y 4 , Feb ru a ry 1 6 , 2 0 1 3 .