The Pulse 9.29 » July 19-25, 2012

July 19-25, 2012

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Vol. 9 • No. 29

the red tide hAs mArgiNAlized stAte demoCrAts, but pArtyleAders hAVe A plANFor A ‘NeW pAth ForWArd’

THE TENNESSEE

STOMPmusiC iNdigo girls Arts mAiN terrAiN moVies t29 Abides

2 • The Pulse • JULY 19-25, 2012 • chaTTanoogaPulse.com

chaTTanoogaPulse.com • JULY 19-25, 2012 • The Pulse • 3

EDITORIALPublisher Zachary cooperCreative Director Bill RamseyContributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsnychuck crowder • John DeVore • Janis hashematt Jones • chris Kelly • D.e. langleymike mcJunkin • David morton • ernie Paikalex Teach • Richard WinhamCartoonists max cannon • Richard RiceTom TomorrowPhotography Jason Dunn • Josh langInterns hadley James • Katie Johnston Patrick noland • cole Rose

ADVERTISINGAdvertising Director mike BaskinAccount Executives Rick leavell • emma Regev

CONTACT Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335Email [email protected]@chattanoogapulse.comGot a stamp? 1305 carter st. • chattanooga, Tn 37402

ThE FINE PRINT The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer media and is dis-tributed throughout the city of chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics con-centrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. no person without written permission from the pub-lishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2012 Brewer media

BREWER MEDIA GROUPPresident Jim Brewer II

HIGHLIGHTSTHE PULSE •July 19-25, 2012 • Vol. 9 No. 29

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Sweetness with a Sting• on the last stop of their current tour, the Indigo girls visit chattanooga to perform songs from their new album and back catalog with the chattanooga symphony orchestra. » 11By Richard Winham

MUSIC

A Bridge to Play With• construction is about to begin on main Terrain (above), a unique “art-fitness park” that will feature a nine-part interactive sculpture installation inspired by chattanooga’s bridges. » 15By Rich Bailey

ARTS


this week, we celebrate the cultural wellspring that is North Geor-gia. First, the region spewed forth Lau-ren Alaina, last seen at Riverbend and soon headlining the Dalton Red Carpet Half Marathon. Now, Ringgold brings us “Small Town Security,” a new reality se-ries on AMC that follows the office she-nanigans of JJK Security & Investigation and its over-sexed owner. Oh, the bounty!

The show debuted last Sunday, follow-ing the premiere of the final season of “Breaking Bad.” According to The Huff-ington Post, the series explores work-a-day life at the small, family-run security company. Its star—and the firm’s owner—Joan Koplan dreams of stardom (and sex),

declaring her life’s mission to be “either a police officer or a celebrity.”

“I find myself to be fascinating,” Ko-plan, 61, the one-time host of a Ringgold Public Access show that was cancelled, in part, due to Koplan’s salty language, told zapt2.it.com.

Known for her wildly inappropriate commentary around the office, Koplan also told the website she is “wild, especial-ly sexually ... I think about sex 24 hours a day.”

Following the exploits of a sex-crazed, cigar-chomping egomaniac like Koplan alone might be reason to tune in—but there’s more. The cast includes Dennis “The Lieutenant” Croft, the ex-military man who dreams of turning the team into an “elite force;” Koplan’s husband, Ir-win, a salesman in the Herb Tarlek mode; Christa Stephens, the inept secretary and cosmetologist; Brian Taylor, the house dick and straight-arrow who Joan eyes;

and Lambchop, Koplan’s beloved, aging Chihuahua.

This latter-day “Carter Country” may not intrigue locals half as much as it has critics who previewed the series, but it’s a masterstroke of publicity for the belea-guered burg. And with “Breaking Bad” as its lead-in, those with no job might even stay up to watch.

—Bill Ramsey

TALK OF ThE NOOGChATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • FACEBOOK/chaTTanoogaPulsesenD leTTeRs To: [email protected]

THEBOWLREALITY, GA.

‘Small Town Security’ star seeks fame, sex

ah, exotic animal private owner-ship. We’ve all been there. You want to impress your friends by buying a tiger so you can re-enact your favorite scenes from “The Hangover.” But when you final-ly get the animal home, you realize that raw steak dinners every day are pretty ex-pensive, and the old tiger in the bathroom gag isn’t as funny when it happens to you. Pretty soon, the magnitude of owning a 600-pound feline is weighing down every aspect of your life and you just want to be done with it.

That’s where Tigers for Tomorrow comes in. A non-profit organization, TFT was originally founded to provide a ref-uge for captive-bred exotics that become unwanted or mistreated at its wildlife preserve at Untamed Mountain, but what they are offering is the chance to get up close and personal with a tiger today.

Located on 140 acres in Dekalb Coun-ty, Ala., the site is home to more than 130 animals, including 17 tigers, 14 mountain lions, four African lions and two black leopards. Functioning as a last-stop pre-serve, all of the animals at Untamed Mountain will reside there for the rest of their lives after being born in the captivity of private ownership.

The mishandling of the big cats is an is-sue they’re still fighting—yet one they can relate to—but they caution anyone to ex-amine their motives. Besides, with more than 100 exotic cats on display in natural settings, there’s no need to buy your own.

—Cole Rose

WILD KINGDOM

Lions, Tigers & Leopards in Alabama


With a bit of luck your image is that of Tyrone Biggums, the charac-ter made famous by Dave Chappelle. Mug-ging children for cash, openly defecating on the street, chalky lips and a perpetual itch, and the willingness to sleep any-where, eat anything and do anything for his pre-cious rock—the Gollum of Crack Cocaine. Chap-pelle knew his game.

For me, it’s a girl named Wendy, who was the prom queen at How-ard High at one time in her life, but now does ter-ribly naughty things for $5 (cash, mind you) in the 1700 block of East Main Street. Like Biggums, she is very self-aware of her situation and her aban-donment of standards, bordering on prideful.

As a youth, my first ex-posure was the pictures presented by Nancy Rea-gan during public ser-vice announcements at school. While this was indeed Mrs. “Just Say No” herself, it was compara-ble to the anti-marijuana ads of the 1930s (think “Reefer Madness”), ex-cept this time it was a lot closer to the truth.

“Just one hit and you would be hooked for LIFE,” the ads shouted. One day you’d be a stu-dent or a doctor, then if you took so much as a pull on the crackling pipe (from whence it got its name), then—boom!—you’d be pulling a Bas-ketball Diaries in the restroom of the closest

bus stop or subway sta-tion for your next sweet, sweet hit.

In truth, that’s a pretty rare case, or at least rare enough that I can only think of one example of such over the years. But it’s a pretty close runner-up to King Heroin in its ability to sink a hook and drag you to hell through a quarry of hot, sharp gravel.

Later on my asso-ciation shifted to “Ezel,” the crackhead from the movie Friday with Ice Cube. But I’ve since en-countered crackheads from California to New York. And unlike our atypically hideous pros-titutes, Chattanooga has the same stereotypical crackheads here you’d find anywhere else in the country. Does that make them more attractive than our whores? Oh, God no. But at least it’s not another difficult hur-dle for the local chamber of commerce to have to explain.

These are the people willing to tunnel into a dark, moist, sewage-filled crawlspace under an abandoned house in the heat of summer in the projects to extract cop-per from water pipes for

crack money. You know those places you are afraid to drive past? They will crawl under them. They do that because they need The Rock, and they need it now.

So with such blind loyalty to the waxy little stones, wouldn’t you ex-pect there to be some kind of military applica-tion by now? Wouldn’t you just want to air-drop your crack team of “Force Recon Crackheads” over an enemy stronghold, tell them there’s crack inside, and let them get to work? Alas, here’s where the crackhead falls short.

Everyone has a guy or gal at work (or in class) that smokes the herb, but always gets the job done and usually shows up on time. Same thing for crystal meth. But when they’re on “the rock,” forget it. They’re feral animals and completely unpredictable, which is a horrible business model.

When you see them, don’t wave at them—but don’t look away either. They are fearful of light, but sense any and all op-portunities to get them closer to their Precious. So, how can anything have such a hold on you? It’s obvious. Cocaine ... it’s a hell of a drug.

Next week, baby.

The CrackheadOn the Beat ALEx TEACh

Alex Teach is a full-time police officer of near-ly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alex.teach.

“crackhead.” the name is a stereotype, but as a cop, so am i. i get a pass. The word is imbedded in American culture and in nearly every case its very mention conjures up a mental image that we can all relate to.

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After some 150 years as the state’s dominant political party, Democrats have become a mostly marginalized minority in state politics. While party officials describe the fall as having occurred slowly over the past decade, a critical moment came in 2008. De-spite Barack Obama’s historic national victory, his 15-point loss to John McCain in Tennessee bled down the ballot. Republicans, who had already seized control of the state Senate, gained four seats in the House, making Democrats a minority in both chambers of the state legislature for the first time since Reconstruction.

The trend continued in the red tide, election-night drubbing of 2010 which privileged Republicans with near supermajorities in both houses of the legislature. Democrats lost the race for gover-nor, 14 seats in the state House and two U.S. congressional races.

Predictably, Republicans flexed their newfound muscle, using the redistricting pen to further punish their opponents, just as Demo-crats had done to them many times before. Nowadays the new mi-nority is hoping only to “hold the line” in the legislature and stop what has been a cataclysmic slide.

Adjusting for the political cannibalism and retirement-spree forced by the redrawn state map, Democratic Party Chairman Chip Forrester said “the line” is now somewhere around 24 seats in the House and eight in the Senate, making Tennessee Democrats a mi-nority almost as diminutive as, say, Northeastern Republicans. For example, the Republican minority in Massachusetts makes up 18 percent of the state’s legislature. If Democrats hold the line For-rester describes, they’ll make up just 24 percent of Tennessee’s.

The hole is deep, but Forrester said Democrats have a new plan they’ve branded the New Path Forward. It’s a strategic plan, pro-duced with the help of the Ohio-based consulting firm summoned last year to aid a political party on life support. As summarized by Forrester, it sounds like a new political business model. His presen-tation, replete with the type of jargon that could only come from a political strategy team, includes talk of financial stakeholders, stay-

State Democrats are on the ropes, but party leaders are banking on a new plan to stanch the bleeding ★ By Stephen Hale

in the most generous terms, the tennessee Democratic Party is a fighter on the mat, just begin-ning to see straight after a near-knockout punch. If the arena stops spinning, they can start thinking about standing up again.


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ing on message, metrics-based campaign systems and building the party’s bench.

“We’ve been doing campaigns this certain way for 10 to 15 years,” Forrester said. “If we run the campaigns in 2012 in the same way that we’ve been run-ning them and expect a different outcome, that’s kind of the tradi-tional definition of insanity.”

Hamilton County Democrat-ic Party Chairman Paul Smith summed up the problem: “In the past, we have underestimated the issue of getting our message out, which has allowed the opposition to frame our stances with inaccu-rate terminology.”

how did this political disaster come about? Vanderbilt political science professor and department chair John Geer be-lieves Democrats can pin their current woes on three primary factors. The first is obvious, giv-en the political landscape of the state.

“One, you do have a state that has become increasingly conser-vative and therefore it’s more fer-tile ground for the Republicans than the Democrats,” he said. “That’s just true.”

Given that reality, the second follows naturally. Tennessee Democrats suffer from “the logic of the electoral college,” Geer said. Despite a recent headline on the Nashville Tennessean’s front page that declared Obama had “closed the gap” with Mitt Romney in the state—citing one portion of a new Vanderbilt poll in a way that Geer called misleading—the presiden-tial race in Tennessee is not ex-pected to be much of a race at all, with little chance of adding del-

egates to the Obama cause. As a result, the Obama campaign and the national Democratic Party have spent little time or money in the state, focusing instead on nearby “battleground” states like North Carolina and Virginia.

That means Tennessee—a state which Geer believes, citing the Vanderbilt poll, is actually more moderate than the state legis-lature it has elected and could produce a closer presidential race if the national party paid more attention—has essentially been ceded to the Republican candi-date before the polls even open. And a top-of-the-ticket forfeiture only steepens the climb for Dem-ocrats elsewhere on the ballot.

“If you go back to The New York Times article right after the 2008 election and you look at the bor-ders of North Carolina and Ten-nessee, which are made up of basically the same people, North Carolina was going blue, Tennes-see was going red,” Geer said. “I don’t think that was because the people differ all that much; it was because of organization. The Democratic Party invested heav-ily in every single county in North Carolina, and they haven’t done that in Tennessee.”

The third factor is one Geer at-tributes to “a set of bad luck.” Af-ter the departure of Harold Ford Jr., he said, Democrats lack “a set of visible state leaders.” A figure like outgoing state senator and Chattanooga mayoral candidate Andy Berke may be up-and-com-ing, but he doesn’t yet have the name recognition that’s needed, Geer said.

Hamilton County’s Smith takes a more optimistic attitude, citing Berke as one of the “shining

political stars across the state” whose legislation experience and reputation as a skilled attorney has already allowed him to step across the aisle to garner support in the Chattanooga mayoral race.

Berke himself has a slightly dif-ferent view on party politics, an opinion that may be attributed to the fact that he is now run-ning for a nonpartisan office. “I am running my mayoral race the same way I ran both of my Sen-ate campaigns—working with people from different communi-ties, parties and backgrounds to build a better future,” he said. “I was proud to represent the 10th District as a Democrat, but peo-ple want leadership and a govern-ment that works for them—re-gardless of party.”

Democrats tout the prospect of five Democratic mayors in the state’s five largest cities—A.C. Wharton of Memphis, Karl Dean of Nashville, Madeline Rogero of Knoxville, Kim McMillan of

Clarksville, along with Berke, who they presume will win in Chattanooga—as a hopeful sign. But one party official lamented the hesitancy of the mayors to step forward and embrace the role.

In the meantime, elected Democrats have been and will continue to be relegated to the sidelines when it comes to most legislative matters. That was par-ticularly evident in the recently adjourned session, during which most of the real political battles were between various factions within the Republican Party. The debate over gun rights—sur-rounding ultimately stalled guns-in-parking-lots legislation—was not a partisan struggle, but rather an increasingly contentious argu-ment between two conservative constituencies.

Democratic party officials said that while fundraising from ideo-logically concerned donors was going strong, so-called trans-actional donors—specific inter-ests and issue-oriented lobbying organizations whose political contributions are based more in self-interest than political phi-losophy—have been lagging. Per-haps it’s because Democrats have little to offer such interests at the moment.

“You bring all those things to-gether, and it’s been a bad time for the Democrats and will prob-ably continue to be so for a while,” Geer concluded.

in times such as these, heavy lies the head of any party leader. But Forrester has been beset by criticism since before he even took his current post. When he first ran for chairman in 2009,

the party’s elected leadership, in-cluding then-Gov. Phil Bredesen, was outspoken about its lack of support for him, but the loyalty of the executive committee, on which he had served for nearly 20 years, eventually won him the chair.

The pressure only worsened af-ter the party’s overwhelming fail-ure in the 2010 elections. Among those calling for Forrester to step aside and forego a bid for a second term as chairman were Nashville attorney and former Metro Coun-cilman David Briley and former party chairman and longtime ex-ecutive committee member Will T. Cheek.

Nearly two years later, Bri-ley shares the hindsight of most Democrats, describing the party’s decline as a steady slope going back a decade or more.

“There was an attempt to sort of patch the boat,” he said. “It was leaking all along and patch, patch, patch—and all of a sudden it became clear that the boat was sunk. You gotta start building a new boat on dry land, and that’s where the party is right now.”

Though he said he wouldn’t compare his situation to the one Obama inherited, Forrester said it’s similar in that he’s also trying to fix a situation that, he argues, was not of his making.

“I didn’t get us into this pre-dicament—it’s been a 10-year process,” he said. “I came in at a time when we’d suffered a pret-ty tremendous loss, losing the House in 2008 and then the tide year. Those are just circumstanc-es that are outside the purview of a chair, it’s just circumstances of

»P8

“The last time I checked, Democrats were called asses. Well, we got news for those in Nashville—that this donkey, that this ass still kicks. Andraé McGaryDemocratic state senate candidate on nooga.com


the world that you live in.”Moving forward but hesitant to reveal

too much of the playbook, Forrester de-scribed the New Path Forward in gen-eral terms. Along with improving cohe-sion between the previously mentioned “siloed and disconnected” Democratic stakeholders, it involves using a “metrics-based campaign system” and the “Dem-ocratic performance index” to identify districts and races where the chances for success are greatest. The plan, Forrester said, is to put an end to good-ol’-boy-net-work-based resource appropriation and instead focus on candidates who might actually have a shot.

According to Smith, one of those areas with candidates that might actually have a shot is Chattanooga. With a full pool of Democrats fielded for the upcoming lo-cal elections, weary voters seem ready, at least on the surface, to fill Forrester’s vi-sion. Current Mayor Ron Littlefield will be stepping down after his second term, leaving the door wide open for Berke, who left his Senate seat after redistrict-ing of the state significantly changed his home district.

meanwhile, berke’s state senate seat has become a hotly contested des-tination for some revamped candidates like Andraé McGary, who is trying to prevent the looming possibility of a Re-publican supermajority taking place. Nooga.com quoted him as saying, “It’s crucial that we don’t let the Republican legislature think that we are just going to lay down and play dead. We’re Demo-crats. And the last time I checked, Demo-crats were called asses. Well, we got news for those in Nashville—that this donkey, that this ass still kicks. Does anyone out there want to kick with me?”

Immediately, it doesn’t appear that McGary has too many takers—especially if you’re judging by local TV time for the upcoming elections. GOP candidates for the 3rd Congressional District— incum-bent Chuck Fleischmann, Scottie May-field and Weston Wamp—have domi-nated advertising to the point where it’s tough to name the Democratic nominees for the district and even tougher to pin-point their level of support.

According to a Times Free Press report, the three Republican candidates have spent at least $131,826 so far on televi-sion ads alone, while Democratic candi-date Bill Taylor is the only one from his party to buy TV adds, spending a paltry $812.50 on four, four-second spots that aired in early June.

McGary’s query may be more useful as a legitimate question than a battle cry.

So far it seems to be echoing off the walls of a nearly empty room with inhabitants that are eyeing the exits. Life-long Dem-ocrat Bill Knowles immediately comes to mind, who drew major criticism for switching to the Republican party two years ago even though he is one of the lon-gest-running elected officials in Hamil-ton County. Couple that with the stir that rumors of a Ward Crutchfield political resurrection—only five years after being indicted on bribery charges—and local Democrats sound like a microcosm of the state-wide scene.

Even Berke, whom Smith counts as a potential torch-bearer for the party, downplays his affiliation. “I have worked with Democrats and Republicans to pass critical legislation,” he said. “By focus-ing on economic development, account-ability in government and education, we can make our city and state better. While elections often focus on party, the citi-zens judge government on results.”

results are exactly what the New Path Forward is banking on. Even though Democrats largely blame their ouster on a force of political nature, their plan for resurgence depends on a phe-nomenon—similarly beyond their con-trol. They’re betting on the very thing the Obama campaign is hoping to stave off: buyer’s remorse. After two legislative sessions during which Republican pro-posals often elicited national headlines (and sometimes mockery), they’re hoping to position themselves as the moderate adults on the Hill over the next few elec-tion cycles.

“I think [Democrats] have to get their act together, but the Republican state legislature has handed them a lot of op-portunity,” said Geer, who added that moderate Democrats will still have op-portunities in the state. “One of the things the [Vanderbilt poll] says is, yes the state’s conservative but it’s not as con-servative as the state legislature was.”

The plan for Democratic revival re-quires that they’ve stopped falling. Hold-ing the line would be a good start.

“I think our expectations are not par-ticularly high,” Cheek said. “I don’t think anyone is expecting the party to retake the Senate. The expectations are modest. I just hope we have bottomed out. I hope that we have.”

If they haven’t, they might find cold comfort in the fact that there can’t be much further to go.

A version of this article was originally published in the Nashville City Paper. Cole Rose of The Pulse provided addi-tional local reporting.


MUSIC

Unspoken Triumph, Monomath, Planet hate• Metal, metal and more metal.9 p.m. • JJ’s Bohemia 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

EVENT

Art.a.ma.jig • AEC’s annual exhibition and silent auction.6 p.m. • Tanner-hill art gallery3069 s. Broad st. • (423) 280-7182artsedcouncil.org

THU07.19

FRI07.20

SAT07.21

»Pulse PICKS

THELISTjuLy 19-25CALENDAR

»Pulse PICK OF ThE LITTER

NIGhTFALLChUCK PROPhETWITh ENDELOUZ• Prophet sings about heartbreak and everyman heroism, a vivid parade of razor-edged one-liners camouflaged in a slack-jawed drawl and drenched in twisted lines of rude Telecaster.

FRI 07.20 • 7 p.m. miller PlazaDowntown chattanooganightfallchattanooga.com

Track 29 is branch-ing out to another aspect of entertain-

ment, and they’re leading off with a strike. on Fri-day, the venue will screen “Kingpin” and “The Big lebowski” in a test run offering an alternative movie experience. Tickets are $5 and the bar is open.

The idea came from sunrise Projection, which is also providing the high-definition projection system. It’s a take on the “Brew n’ View” format that has already proven popular in other cities at venues such as the alamo Drafthouse in austin, Texas, and cinebarre in asheville, n.c., where movies are screened in a more relaxed atmo-sphere—with alcohol.

according to owner adam Kinsey, it’s an idea they’ve wanted to pursue for a while, and Kinsey said he felt like July (tra-ditionally a slow concert month) “would be a great time to test it out.”

Despite what the film choices seem to repre-sent, this is not an at-tempt to determine which film reigns superior in the age-old debate about undoubtedly the two greatest comedic, semi-satirical bowling movies ever made.

“We all love ‘The Big lebowski’ and we all agreed it should be our first movie,” Kinsey said. “We thought about doing another Jeff Bridges flick, but ultimately decided that ‘Kingpin’ was too good not to show. This is

about having a good time with friends and watching some great movies.”

You can also count on a crowd that will be looking the part, as Kinsey con-firmed a costume contest with tickets to an upcom-ing show included in the prize package.

With cheap tickets, a full bar and a double fea-ture on the menu, this is the perfect opportunity to free that vintage bowling shirt. Track 29 abides.

—cole Rose

Track 29 Movie NightKingpin 8 p.m.The Big Lebowski 10 p.m. • $5Friday, July 20 Track 291400 market st.(423) 521-2929track29.co

Track 29 Abides

it’s not every day a writer gets to talk to a former NASA flight controller turned mystery writer, and Stephanie Osborn is one fine para-normal mystery writer. She’s brought Sherlock Holmes back to our modern day realm and turned him into a modern investigator with a cellphone. This time, he’s back in The Case of the Cosmological Killer: Rendlesham Incident.

Osborn, who hails from Clarksville, is, to say the least, an over achiever. As a youngster, her love of science fiction came from books by Madeline L’Engle, Ray Bradbury, H. G. Wells, and of course, Sir Author Conan Doyle. Dur-ing college at Austin Peay State University, she earned a degree triple majoring in physics, chemistry and mathematics, with a minor in geology. For her master’s, she majored in as-tronomy at Vanderbilt University. Osborn is even a licensed minister.

For the duration of her 20-year stint at NASA in Huntsville, Ala., she worked as a payload flight controller, trained several as-tronauts, and worked with famous novelist Homer Hickam, who inspired many through the hit movie “October Sky.” Osborn has also been a police officer on an Indian reservation, a certified storm spotter, spearheaded a study of sand particles on Mars, and she’s a former polo player who’s on a first name basis with Tommy Lee Jones.

Now, you can meet her at LibertyCon, the annual science fiction convention held this weekend at the Choo Choo. Last year at Liber-tyCon, Osborn was the Science Guest of Honor. This year, she is celebrating the release of her new book. “I’m very excited about it,” she said. “People from all over show up.”

In Osborn’s series, Holmes is inadvertently brought to our present day world where he teams up with Detective Skye Chadwick, a character that Osborn said is loosely based on her younger self. The Scotland Yard detective must assimilate into the modern world. “He’s a little polite, a real Victorian gentleman,” she said.

Osborn’s first two novels in the series, The Case of The Displaced Detective: The Arrival and At Speed, have received critical acclaim and her latest will likely thrill fans.

“If you like the BBC series, you’ll like my books,” she said. —Chris Kelly

LibertyConJuly 20-22chattanooga choo choo1400 market st.libertycon.org

Ex-NASA specialist turned mystery writer treks to LibertyCon

Off Beat

MUSIC

Chuck Prophet, Endelouz• Raw, Telecaster-driven rock.7 p.m. • nightfall • miller Plazanightfallchattanooga.com

EVENT

Tom Simmons • Comedian has a top-ranked new album.9:30 p.m. • Vaudeville café138 market st. • (423) 517-1839funnydinner.com

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Josh Gilbert • Singer-songwriter performs a live concert that will be filmed for DVD release. 8 p.m. • The camp house • 1427 Williams st.(423) 702-8081

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Kayak Adventures • Beginner whitewater kayak clinic and OutVenture hosted by Outdoor Chattanooga.9 am. • greenway Farm5015 gann store Road • (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com


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SATURDAY • JULY 28 • 8PMtiVoLi theatRe

TickeTs sTarT aT $35 available at www.chattanoogasymphony.org

or 423.267.8583


RIChARD WINhAM

The only preparation they’ll have is one run-through with the orchestra the night be-fore the concert. “We show up and do a dress rehearsal, and that’s it. It’s scary,” Saliers said in a telephone interview. The songs they’ll play—chosen from their immense catalog, as well as new material from their current album, Beauty Queen Sister—will include some fan favorite sing-a-longs.

The CSO show will be the last of their current tour, which has taken them all over the South and Midwest with a young rock/funk band. Tak-

ing their cue from Bob Dylan (whose radical re-arrange-ments often leave even long-time fans guessing as to which song it is), the Indigo Girls have given the band free reign to re-interpret their work. The result, according to Saliers, is reinvigorating—“like hearing the songs for the first time,”

she said. The band will open the show and then back Sa-liers and Ray for the rest of the performance.

“You know,” said Saliers, chuckling, “You got these gor-geous 22-year-olds playing with the Indigo Girls. We’re having fun. It really is like a new thing, and our fans are loving it.”

After playing together for more than 30 years, Ray and Saliers still find stimulation in the music—and in each other. That’s at least partly due to their sharply contrast-ing personalities: Ray’s punky restlessness next to Saliers’ reserve.

“Amy and I are like yin and yang, and because we’re so different it keeps it interest-ing,” said Saliers. “I love being able to tap into [Ray’s] energy, playing and singing her songs. My energy is not as visceral and immediate and stompy as hers—I’m more reflective. I’m really glad that I get to have a partner like that. I think we’d be bored if it were any differ-ent.”

Listening to their current album, it’s easy to pick out who wrote each song. The al-bum opens with Ray’s softly insinuating, melodic love song, “Share The Moon.” Over a warm, funky bass line Ray begins the song, her throaty vocal sweetened by Saliers’ sisterly harmony on the cho-rus. It’s a folk song, but with the compressed energy of a rock ballad. The lyric has an easy conversational feel, even while the words have been carefully chosen to comple-ment the melody.

Later on, Saliers’ “Feed and Water the Horses” sounds like an undiscovered Joni Mitchell ballad from her Blue period. As the music moves

beneath her at a languid pace with a funky drummer and a tolling piano, she frets over the massive cultural changes that—even as she attempts to grapple with them—shift under her feet. It’s a written by a worrier who, not surpris-ingly, is happiest in the com-pany of a risk-taker who helps her maintain her equilibrium. With a wonderfully sympa-thetic shadow vocal, Ray gives the song the stalwart support she’s always provided for Sa-liers.

Listen to the early Beatles-style spring in their voices in “Making Promises.” Their voices weave in and around each other, pushing toward an ecstatic release at the end of each verse, each voice vy-ing for the lead. It’s the com-panionable competition that has fuelled their three-decade partnership. But anyone who has spent time listening close-ly to their songs knows there’s a sting inside those gossamer harmonies.

As to which ones made the cut for the Chattanooga show, Saliers wouldn’t say. Or per-haps she and Ray aren’t yet sure. As Saliers said of their approach, “We have a lot of spontaneity. Nothing is rote, absolutely nothing is rote.”

The Indigo Girlswith the cso8 p.m.saturday, July 28Tivoli Theatre709 Broad st.(423) 757-5050chattanoogasymphony.org

Sweetness with a Sting

for any band faced with the one-more-stop, one-more-show routine that characterizes life on the road, the challenge is making each new gig as fresh as the first. But for the Indigo Girls—Amy Ray and Emily Saliers, who started playing together in high school more than three decades ago—keeping it fresh is what keeps them going. Stopping here on July 28 to play with the Chat-tanooga Symphony directed by Bob Bernhardt, they’re particularly psyched about their first-ever performance with an orchestra.

Richard Winham is the host and producer of WUTC-FM’s afternoon music program and has observed the Chat-tanooga music scene for more than 25 years.

Party on Two Floors! 1st Floor: Live Music • 2nd Floor: Dancing

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ThU 07.19Fletcher Bright6:30 p.m. hunter museum, 10 Bluff View ave. (423) 267-0968huntermuseum.orgRick Rushing7 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956sugarsribs.comUnspoken Triumph with Monomath and Planet hate8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400Listen 2 Three with Telemonster9 p.m. The honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192thehonestpint.comCampbell Brown & Gaslight Street with Mac Lomphart9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.com

FRI 07.20Chuck Prophet, Endelouz7 p.m. nightFall, miller Plaza, 850 market st. nightfallchat-tanooga.comAaron Tippin7 p.m. Redoubt soccer, 6900 Bonnie oaks Dr. (423) 899-4180Bluegrass Night8 p.m. The camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081thecamphouse.comMilele Roots, Sista Otis, Shakim8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400hara Piper9 p.m. The office, 901 carter st. (423) 634-9191The Plan B Band9:30 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st.

(423) 508-8956sugarsribs.comNathan Farrow10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 chestnut st. (423) 266-4240tboneschattanooga.com.Smooth Dialects with Afro10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.comTornado Benefit10 p.m. skyZoo, 5709 lee hwy. (423) 468-4533skyzoochattanooga.comBounty hunter10 p.m. Bud’s sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road(423) 499-9878budssportsbar.com

SAT 07.21Caterina Sellers10 a.m. chattanooga Incline Railway, 3917 st. elmo ave. (423) 821-4224ridetheincline.comBrian Ashley Jones12:30 p.m. River market @ aquarium Plaza, W aquarium Way(423) 648-2496Bud Lightning7 p.m. Top of the Dock, 5600 lake Resort Terr.topofthedock.netJosh Gilbert Band with Jacob Johnson8 p.m. The camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081thecamphouse.comJohnston & Brown8 p.m. acoustic café, 61 RBc Dr., Ringgold, ga. (706) 965-2065ringgoldacoustic.comWayne haught8 p.m. charles and myrtle’s coffeehouse, 105 mcBrien Road(423) 892-4960christunity.org/eventsDiakiaju with Argentinum Astrum and Rough Rope8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400Priscilla & Lil Ricky8:30 p.m. The Foundry (at the chattanoogan hotel), 1201 Broad st. (423) 756-3400chattanooganhotel.comBryan Jones & The Married Men9 p.m. The office, 901 carter st. (423) 634-9191Soul Survivor9:30 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956sugarsribs.com.The Steam Boars10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 chestnut st. (423) 266-4240tboneschattanooga.comThe Breakfast Club10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.comBounty hunter10 p.m. Bud’s sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road(423) 499-9878budssportsbar.comMad River Rising10 p.m. skyZoo, 5709 lee hwy. (423) 468-4533skyzoochattanooga.com

SUN 07.22Dana Rogers10 a.m. urban spoon, 207 Frazier ave. (423) 710-3252Mountain View Bluegrass, Brian Ashley Jones, Bluegrass Pharoahs, Barker Brothers11 a.m. chattanooga market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. chattanoogamarket.comCharlie Daniels Band5 p.m. lake Winnepesaukah, 1730 lakeview Dr. Rossville, ga. (706) 866-5681

Music ChATTANOOGA LIVE

Thursday • July 19Unspoken Triumph • Monomath

Planet HateFriday • July 20

Milele Roots • Sista Otis • ShakimSaturday • July 21

Diakiaju • Argentinium AstrumRough Rope

Tuesday • July 24Continental • Hell is MiamiWednesday • July 25Cumberland Collectivefeaturing Noah Collins

Friday • July 27Ashely and the X’s

Villian Family • Amber FultsSaturday • July 28

Diarrhea Planet • Grass GiraffesWhoremones • Chrome Pony

COMING: 7/27: DRIVIN N CRYIN 7/28: YACHT ROCKSCHOONER 8/02: RANDY ROGERS BAND

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREETHOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD

BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

LIVE MUSIC

CHATTANOOGA JULY

19THU.9:30pCAMPBELL BROWN

and GASLIGHT STREET with Mac Lomphart

20FRI.10pSMOOTH DIALECTS

with AFRO

21SAT.10pTHE BREAKFAST CLUB

Everyone’s Favorite 80’s Retro Band

23MON.9pBLACK JOE LEWIS

and The Honeybears

26THU.10pTHE BOHANNONS

with TWO COW GARAGE

DRUMMIES

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MON 07.23Dan Sheffield7 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.comBlack Joe Lewis & The honeybears9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.com

TUE 07.24Dustin Curry7 p.m. The camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081thecamphouse.comContintental with hell Is In Miami8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

WED 07.25Dan Sheffield7 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956 sugarsribs.com.Cumberland Collective with Noah Collins, Mark “Porkchop” holder8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400The Kymera Project9 p.m. The honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192thehonestpint.comhusky Burnette9 p.m. Bud’s sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road (423) 499-9878 budssportsbar.com

ChARLIE DANIELS BAND• The CDB heads down to Georgia.SUN 07.22 5 p.m. • lake Winnepesaukah1730 lakeview Dr. • Rossville, ga. (706) 866-5681 • lakewinnie.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send live music listings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected].

a photo to make any guitar gear-head drool may be found by typing in “Kevin Shields Pedalboard” into Google

Image Search, which yields a glimpse of a ridicu-lously complicated setup containing 30 different gui-tar effects pedals. Shields is the front man of My Bloody Valentine, the Brit-ish band that typi-cally comes to mind when discussing

shoegaze music of the early ’90s—swirl-ing, noisy, effects-laden guitar-heavy rock. While any kid with an electric guitar, a delay pedal and a big amplifier can make a huge, sloppy sonic mael-strom, Shields was more about having a tight control over his sound, tweaking the tone meticulously as a perfectionist. The band’s 1991 album, Loveless, is the group’s masterpiece and one of the most acclaimed albums of the decade, and the new two-CD collection compiles four of the band’s EPs plus a 33-min-ute serving of rarities and unreleased tracks.

The title track of You Made Me Re-alise, is known for being a lengthy, set-ending, punishingly loud, apoca-lyptic song in live settings, but here it’s not so formidable, at a modest four minutes in length and mostly depend-ing on dissonance with moments of mounting, noisy guitar churning. In the background of “I Believe,” from Feed Me With Your Kiss, one can hear the rum-bling, queasy guitar sound that would characterize Shields’ style, with copious use of the pitch-bending whammy bar. Throughout the Glider and Tremolo EPs, rhythms alternate between driv-ing beats and more danceable styles, with Bilinda Butcher supplying soft, dreamy vocals. Fans will be most inter-ested in the seven bonus tracks, with highlights such as the mind-bending and maddening 10-minute version of “Glider,” the pop-structured “Angel,” and the compelling fuzz-bundle “How Do You Do It,” closing a superb collec-tion that tracks the group’s sound evolu-tion leading up to Loveless.

Between the SleevesRECORD REVIEWS • ERNIE PAIK

Facebook.com/theofficechatt

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm$1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts,

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Thursday, July 19: 9pmOpen Mic

with Mark HolderFriday, July 20: 9pm

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Saturday, July 21: 9pmBryan Jones

& The Married MenTuesday, July 24: 7pmServer Appreciation Night

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stand-up comic contest

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Show your Riverbend pin during Murder Mystery shows and get 10% off and during Comedy on Friday and get in FREE on Saturday night!

july 20-21: TOM SIMMONS

JULY 27-28: TIM PULNIK

My Bloody ValentineeP’s 1988-1991(sony music)

Read more of Ernie Paik’s reviews online at chattanoogapulse.com.


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ACE

Construction is about to begin on Main Terrain, a unique “art-fitness park” that will feature a nine-part interactive sculpture installation inspired by Chatta-nooga’s bridges. The park is in-tended to bridge the gap between large-scale downtown revitaliza-tion flowing south from the core of downtown, like the Chatta-noogan Hotel, and the renewed streetscape flowing west from Main and Market.

Imagine if the Walnut Street Bridge got zapped by a mad scientist’s shrink ray, then got chopped into pieces, relocated to the Southside and turned into oversized playground equipment. Oh, and imagine that mad scien-tist put a steering wheel on each piece of the bridge so you can turn it every which way.

The site of Main Terrain is a narrow, 1,000-foot long former railroad right-of-way that fac-es The Chattanoogan and cuts through the middle of the block from 13th Street to Main Street.

Three 23-foot high cast con-crete pylons, something like the limestone piers that support the Walnut Street Bridge, will domi-nate the center of the park. Each one will be topped by an intricate corten steel truss, very much like the metal superstructure of the Walnut. These 35-foot horizon-tal trusses can be turned 360 de-grees by a steering wheel on the side of each pylon. When they are all turned the same way, they will line up with six shorter pylons—three at each end of the park—to make a bridge-like arc that spans most of the 1,000-foot park.

“At night, these nine structures each have lights like a real bridge. So you’ll see this arc of red warn-ing lights, real industrial lights like you see at airports,” said sculptor Thomas Sayre, who de-signed the bridge elements. Lights on the three spinning structures will also illuminate the area be-low them.

How the bridge-like structures look at any moment will de-pend on how people move them around. “If someone aligns them, they will form an arc. If someone leaves them haphazardly, you’ll have a very different configura-tion,” said Sayre.

The park also features a half-mile running track circling the sculptures. Five adjoining exer-cise stations will be outfitted with adult fitness equipment proto-types custom-designed for Main Terrain by PlayCore. The ground itself is also sculpted to retain stormwater naturally on site, rather than letting it flood neigh-bors or go into the public waste-water system.

Main Terrain’s blend of adult fitness, sculpture and urban de-sign may be one of a kind. At the very least, it’s highly unusual.

“I work all over the country and sometimes beyond, usually on fairly large public art projects,”

said Sayre. “I’ve never encoun-tered a project like this. The idea of exercise entering into urban design, much less public art, is pretty rare.”

Last year, Public Art Chatta-nooga made a call for proposals for a large sculpture to be fea-tured in Main Terrain, funded by a $250,000 grant from the Na-tional Endowment for the Arts and matching funds from the Lyndhurst Foundation and the City of Chattanooga.

The winning proposal was from Clearscapes, a Raleigh, N.C., multi-disciplinary design firm co-founded by Sayre and architect Steve Schuster. The final design of the park resulted from a close col-laboration between Clearscapes, Public Art Chattanooga, Chatta-nooga landscape architect Mike Fowler, PlayCore, Chattanooga Parks and Recreation and Pub-lic Works departments and the Lyndhurst Foundation.

The creative work was so col-laborative that Sayre said, “It’s hard to tell where art with a capi-tal A begins and ends and where the park or the landscape archi-

tecture begins and ends.”The look of the sculptural

bridge elements springs from Sayre’s lifelong fascination with industrial structures.

“I have always been interested in steel trusses and bridges and gantry cranes and that kind of stuff,” he said. “It’s been fun to create this lightweight looking but very strong structure ... which was also the goal of designer of the Walnut Street Bridge. All the detailing, every move in that bridge has a reason. It’s not orna-mental, but it has this lacy won-derful quality that I think our trusses have as well.”

When the park is completed by the end of this year, Main Ter-rain’s three movable bridgelets will beckon visitors through this long skinny park, in part by dupli-cating the way the sun plays along the length of the Walnut Street Bridge.

“One way we did that was to twist the truss, which makes it much more complicated to build and engineer,” Sayre said. “We wanted the complexity of the thin members that reflect the sun to create light and shadow in rela-tion to the moving sun. And they themselves move, too, so there’s always a different light show in relation to the sun.”

Main Terrain: A Bridge to Play WithBy Rich Bailey

chattanooga’s extensive population of street-level, human-sized public art sculpture is about to get a big brother on West Main. The new sculpture will be like everybody’s ideal big brother: He’s really big, he’s really cool, and he still wants you to play with him.

ARTS•CULTURE•ENTERTAINMENT

The sculpture’s monumental steel trusses can be lined up—by anyone—to form a continu-ous bridge shape 23 feet above the Southside.

The sculpture is a bridge reimagined as interactive public art for the Southside.

“I’ve never encountered a project like this. The idea of exercise entering into urban design, much less public art, is pretty rare.Thomas Sayresculptor who designed the bridge elements and partner in clearscapes


ThU 07.19Street Food Thursdays11 a.m. Warehouse Row, 1110 market st.warehouserow.netArt.a.ma.jig6 p.m. Tanner-hill art gallery, 3069 s. Broad st. (423) 280-7182artsedcouncil.orgAll American Summer featuring Fletcher Bright6 p.m. hunter museum, 10 Bluff View(423) 266-0944huntermuseum.orgOpen Mic7 p.m. The camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081thecamphouse.com“Anything Goes”7 p.m. chattanooga Theatre centre, 400 River st. (423) 267-8534theatrecentre.comPhotographic Society Meeting featuring Colby McLemore7 p.m. st. John united methodist church, 3921 murray hills Dr. (423) 344-5643chattanoogaphoto.orgT.C. Cope8 p.m. The comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com

FRI 07.20Fresh on Fridays11 a.m. miller Plaza, 850 market st. (423) 265-3700rivercitycompany.comNightfall Concert Series7 p.m. miller Plaza, 850 market st.(423) 265-0771nightfallchat-tanooga.comT.C. Cope7:30 & 10 p.m. The comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road

(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com“GODSPELL”7:30 p.m. Recreate café at The salvation army, 800 mccallie ave. csarmy.org“Tomorrow Never Comes”7:30 p.m. Barking legs Theater, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347barkinglegs.org“Anything Goes”8 p.m. chattanooga Theatre centre, 400 River st. (423) 267-8534theatrecentre.com“The Music Man”8 p.m. signal mountain Playhouse, 301 Rolling Waysignal mountainsmph.orgTom Simmons9:30 p.m. Vaudeville café, 138 market st. (423) 517-1839funnydinner.comLibertyCon3 p.m. chattanooga choo choo, 1400 market st.libertycon.orgLate Night hoops!10 p.m. howard high school, 2500 s. market st. (423) 643-6055chattanoogahasfun.com

SAT 07.21Downtown Kayak Adventures9 a.m. outdoor chattanooga, 200 River st. (423) 643-6888outdoorchat-tanooga.comLibertyCon10 a.m. chattanooga choo choo, 1400 market st.libertycon.orgChickamauga Battlefield Bicycle Tours9:30 a.m.

chickamauga Battlefield, 3370 laFayette Road, Fort oglethorpe, ga. (706) 866-9241outdoorchat-tanooga.comRiver Market10 a.m. Tennessee aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad st. (423) 402-9960chattanoogamarket.comSummer Music Weekendsnoon. Rock city, 1400 Patten Roadlookout mtn., ga. (706) 820-2531seerockcity.comArt til Darknoon. Winder Binder gallery & Bookstore, 40 Frazier ave. (423) 423-8999winderbinder.wordpress.com“Tomorrow Never Comes”3:30 & 7:30 p.m. Barking legs Theater, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347barkinglegs.org“GODSPELL”7:30 p.m. Recreate café at The salvation army, 800 mccallie ave. csarmy.orgT.C. Cope7:30 & 10 p.m. The comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com“Anything Goes”8 p.m. chattanoogaTheatre centre, 400 River st. (423) 267-8534theatrecentre.com“The Music Man”8 p.m. signal mountain Playhouse, 301 Rolling Waysignal mountainsmph.orgLate Night hoops!10 p.m. howard high school, 2500 s. market st.

Arts Entertainment& CALENDAR

home game

SCHEDULE

Thu, July 19 • 7:15 PMvs. Smokies

Fri, July 20 • 7:15 PMvs. Smokies

Sat, July 21 • 7:15 PMvs. Smokies

Sun, July 22 • 2:15 PMvs. Smokies

Tue, July 24 • 7:15 PMvs. Barons

Memorial PINK! JerseyAuction & Fireworks!

Beer Tasting NightPresented by Riverside Beverage Co.

Myron Noodleman

Parents DaySunTrust Sunday

Bi-Lo BOGOBradley County Night


(423) 643-6055chattanoogahasfun.comTom Simmons10:30 p.m. Vaudeville café, 138 market st. (423) 517-1839funnydinner.com

SUN 07.22Chattanooga Market: Mountain View Bluegrass11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 carter st. (423) 402-9960chattanoogamarket.comSummer Music Weekendsnoon. Rock city, 1400 Patten Road,lookout mtn., ga. (706) 820-2531seerockcity.comLibertyCon10 a.m. chattanooga choo choo, 1400 market st.libertycon.org“GODSPELL”2 & 6 p.m. Recreate café at The salvation army, 800 mccallie ave. csarmy.org“Anything Goes”2:30 p.m. chattanooga Theatre centre, 400 River st. (423) 267-8534theatrecentre.com“Tomorrow Never Comes”5:30 p.m. Barking legs Theater, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347barkinglegs.orgSunday Night Square Dance & Music Party7 p.m. Folk school of chattanooga, 1800 Rossville ave., ste. 4(423) 827-8906chattanoogafolk.comT.C. Cope8 p.m. The comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com

MON 07.23Music Monday7 p.m. Pasha coffee & Tea, 3914 st. elmo ave. (423) 475-5482pashacoffeehouse.com“GODSPELL”7:30 p.m. Recreate café at The salvation army, 800 mccallie ave. csarmy.org

TUE 07.24Classic Literature Book Club6 p.m. Pasha coffee & Tea, 3914 st. elmo ave. (423) 475-5482pashacoffeehouse.comSongs & Stories featuring Dustin Curry7 p.m. The camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081thecamphouse.comLive Team Trivia7:30 p.m. Brewhaus, 224 Frazier ave.(423) 531-8490chattanoogatrivia.com“GODSPELL”7:30 p.m. Recreate café

at The salvation army, 800 mccallie ave. csarmy.orgMouth of the South8 p.m. Vaudeville café, 138 market st. (423) 517-1839funnydinner.com

WED 07.25Mideast Dance10:30 a.m. Jewish cultural center, 5461 n. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270jewishchattanooga.comMain Street Farmer’s Market4 p.m. 325 e. main st. mainstfarmers-market.comChattanooga Night Market5 p.m. Ross’s landing, chestnut street & Riverfront Parkwaychattanoogamarket.com

STEPhANIE OSBORN AT LIBERTYCONFRI-SUN 07.20-22 • NASA flight controller turned mystery writer signs her new Sherlock Holmes book this weekend at the annual science fiction convention.chattanooga choo choo • 1400 market st. • libertycon.org

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send calendar listings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected].

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I’m fully aware of and truly believe in the physical and psychologi-cal benefits of a healthy and relaxing breakfast routine, but decades of second-shift restaurant work and last calls for alcohol have taken their toll on my relationship with those crucial first hours of the day. It doesn’t help that the options for a quick, made-from-scratch and inexpensive breakfast to go are few and far between.

Since I grew up eat-ing sausage, eggs and biscuits for breakfast, on those rare mornings that I feel the urge to skip my French Vanilla Instant Breakfast, I want some-thing that will get my groggy body’s attention. I want something with pork, baked dough and maybe a little cheese or spicy peppers to get the juices flowing again. The solution to this conun-drum comes in an unlike-ly form—pigs in a blanket.

I’m not advocating any of the Jimmy Dean-on -a-stick atrocities and I haven’t started channel-ing Guy Fieri wrapping crescent rolls around cocktail wieners. I’m

talking about full-sized sausages wrapped in made-from-scratch pas-try dough thrown into a little white bakery bag for less than half the cost of a hydrogenated breakfast combo No. 2 at your local McMorning joint.

When I first walked through the door of The Donut Palace at 3716 Dayton Blvd. in pictur-esque Red Bankistan, it looked like a typical small doughnut shop with glass cases of carefully ar-ranged doughnuts and pastries in the usual vari-eties, flavors and shapes. What’s not obvious is that owner, Dan Prak, makes these creations fresh from scratch each morning, in-cluding the glazed fruit fritters and croissants glistening with what looks to be a Paula Deen-load of butter. I took a quick glance at the menu and my eyes almost im-mediately locked in on the words “pigs in a blanket.” There, poised provoca-tively behind the glass, were full-sized sausages peeking out from layers of flaky brown pastry like little pork papooses.

The shop offers two sizes and two flavors of

pigs in a blanket. The small, 99-cent version looks like what you would expect a pig in a blan-ket to look like. I’m sure this would make a great late-night snack, but I want something that will give me enough energy to get through the morn-ing hours of hardscrabble labor. That’s a job for the large blanketed pig, which comes in two va-rieties—smoked sausage and jalapeno and cheese for the bargain price of less than two bucks each.

Brace yourself for a shock the first time you try one of these hand-made handfuls. They are unexpectedly, amazingly good. The pairing of the buttery, handmade pas-try with the unctuousness of the sausage is spot on. Throw in the mild bite of the jalapenos and the creamy, oozing cheese and you have a near per-fect handheld breakfast.

There are plenty of places around town to sit down and read the morning paper over a cup of joe and a plate of fruit, biscuits and gravy or whatever you and your rise-and-shine attitude desires. But for last-min-ute snoozers and morning drag-assers, being able to run in and grab a hand-made pastry wrapped around a pork sausage on your way to work is like a gift from the snooze but-ton gods. Thank you Do-nut Palace, thank you.

Sushi Biscuits MIKE MCJUNKIN &

Mike McJunkin cooks better than you and eats quite a lot of very strange food. Visit his Facebook page (Sushi and Biscuits) for updates and recipes.

The Morning Pigyou could say i’m not much of a morning person. While herds of morning people greet the day with the energy of a Chihuahua puppy, I drag myself from the soft cocoon of my plush pillowtop mattress with all the poise and vigor of a drunken friend stumbling out of a car. Once I’ve faced the harsh realities of the morning, I realize that my repeated pounding of the snooze button has left me with just enough time to either grab a crumb-spewing granola bar or hit the corporate drive thru for a frozen biscuit filled with an uncom-fortably uniform “breakfast patty” topped with “cheese product.”

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STATE OF THE ARTSAUG. 23 • 2012


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Free Will Astrology ROB BREZSNY

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Most change is slow and incre-mental. The shifts happen so gradually that they are barely no-ticeable while you’re living in the midst of them from day to day. Then there are those rare times when the way everything fits to-gether mutates pretty quickly. I think you’re at one of these junc-tures now, Cancerian. It’s not like-ly you’ll be too surprised by any-thing that happens, though. That’s because you’ve been tracking the energetic build-up for a while, and it will feel right and natural when the rapid ripening kicks in.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Lately you’ve been spending time in both the off-kilter parts of paradise and the enchanting areas of limbo. The results have been colorful but often paradoxical. You have had to paw your way out of a dead-end confusion but have also been granted a sublime breakthrough. You explored a tunnel to nowhere but also visited a thrilling vista that provided you with some medicinal excitement. What will you do for an encore? Hopefully, nothing that complicated. I suggest you spend the next few days chilling out and taking inventory of all that’s changed.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The painter Philip Guston loved to ex-press himself creatively. He said it helped him to get rid of his cer-tainty, to divest himself of what he knew. In light of your current as-trological omens, Virgo, Guston’s approach sounds like a good strat-egy for you to borrow. The next couple of weeks will be an excel-lent time to explore the pleasures of unlearning and deprogram-ming. You will thrive by discarding stale preconceptions, loosening the past’s hold on you, and clear-ing out room in your brain for fresh imaginings.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Nine-teenth-century author Charles Dickens wrote extensively about harsh social conditions. He spe-cialized in depicting ugly realities about poverty, crime, and clas-sism. I’m thinking that Dickens might be an inspirational role model for you in the coming weeks, Libra. It will be prime time for you to expose difficult truths and agitate for justice and speak up in behalf of those less fortunate than you. You’ll get best results by maintaining your equanimity and good cheer.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): For many years, ambergris was used as a prime ingredient in perfumes.

And where does ambergris come from? It’s basically whale vomit. Sperm whales produce it in their gastrointestinal tracts to protect them from the sharp beaks of gi-ant squid they’ve eaten, then spew it out of their mouths. With that as your model, Scorpio, I challenge you to convert an inelegant aspect of your life into a fine asset, even a beautiful blessing. I don’t expect you to accomplish this task over-night. But I do hope you will finish by May of 2013.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Interruption” will be a word of power for you in the coming days. It is possible that the interruptions will initially seem inconvenient or undesirable, but I bet you will eventually feel grateful for their in-tervention. They will knock you out of grooves you need to be knocked out of. They will compel you to pay attention to clues you’ve been neglecting. Don’t think of them as random acts of cosmic whimsy, but rather as divine strokes of luck that are meant to redirect your en-ergy to where it should be.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You don’t have to stand in a pro-vocative pose to be sexy. You don’t have to lick your lips or radiate a smoldering gaze or wear clothes that dramatically reveal your body’s most appealing qualities. You already know all that stuff, of course; in light of this week’s as-signment, I just wanted to remind you. And what is that assignment? To be profoundly attractive and al-luring without being obvious about it. With that as your strategy, you’ll draw to you the exact blessings and benefits you need. So do you have any brilliant notions about how to proceed? Here’s one idea: Be utterly at peace with who you really are.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I brazenly predict, my dear Aquar-ius, that in the next 10 months you will fall in love with love more deeply than you have in over a decade. You will figure out a way to exorcise the demons that have haunted your relationship with romance, and you will enjoy some highly entertaining amorous inter-ludes. The mysteries of intimacy will reveal new secrets to you, and you will have good reasons to redefine the meaning of “fun.” Is there any way these prophecies of mine could possibly fail to ma-terialize? Yes, but only if you take yourself too seriously and insist on remaining attached to the old days and old ways.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Be

alert for fake magic, and make yourself immune to its seductive appeal. Do not, under any cir-cumstances, allow yourself to get snookered by sexy delusions, en-ticing hoaxes, or clever mirages. This is a demanding assignment, Pisces. You will have to be both skeptical and curious, both tough-minded and innocently recep-tive. Fortunately, the astrological omens suggest you now have an enhanced capacity to live on that edge.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Acro-Yoga is a relatively new physical discipline. According to a descrip-tion I read on a flyer in Santa Cruz, it “blends the spiritual wisdom of yoga, the loving kindness of mas-sage, and the dynamic power of acrobatics.” I’d love to see you work on creating a comparable hybrid in the coming months, Ar-ies—some practice or system or approach that would allow you to weave together your various spe-cialties into a synergetic whole. Start brainstorming about that impossible dream now, and soon it won’t seem so impossible.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Unless you grow your own or buy the heirloom variety at farmer’s markets, you probably eat a lot of tasteless tomatoes. Blame it on industrial-scale farming and supermarket chains. They’ve bred tomatoes to be homogenous and bland—easy to ship and pretty to look at. But there’s a sign of hope: A team of scientists at the University of Florida is research-ing what makes tomatoes taste delicious, and is working to bring those types back into mainstream availability. I think the task you have ahead of you in the coming weeks is metaphorically similar, Taurus. You should see what you can to do restore lost flavor, color, and soulfulness. Opt for earthy id-iosyncrasies over fake and boring perfection.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): It’ll be a humming, murmuring, whis-pering kind of week—a time when the clues you need will most likely arrive via ripplings and rustlings and whirrings. Here’s the compli-cation: Some of the people around you may be more attracted to clangs and bangs and jangles. They may imagine that the only in-formation worth paying attention to is the stuff that’s loudest and strongest. But I hope you won’t be seduced by their attitudes. I trust you’ll resist the appeals of the showy noise. Be a subtlety specialist who loves nuance and undertones. Listen mysteriously.

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jonesin’ Crossword

ACROSS1. Worker from another company?5. 1/100th division: abbr.8. Start of a refrain13. Quarterback Tony who once dated Jessica Simpson14. Bad thing to hear when remodeling15. Deadly snake16. He had the 1994 #1 hit “Here Comes the Hotstepper”18. Key same as B19. ___ vital20. Vendors22. Capital of Kofi Annan’s home country25. Literary character who had a title “Prayer for” him27. Totally sad29. Away from the wind30. Prefix meaning “times one trillion”31. Poisonous fish33. Sought out quickly

38. Emma Watson role in eight movies41. City on the Ruhr42. Filled with wonder43. “Bad Romance” Lady44. World Baseball Classic team46. Kind of number48. He played the bossy Stooge53. Second largest city in France54. Triangular houses55. Checklist component57. Hiccup, for instance58. It may be involved in tallying the four theme answers63. Yaphet of “Alien” and “The Running Man”64. Messes up65. Alison of “Community”66. Coffee stirrer67. 86,400 seconds68. Do some door drama

DOwN1. Tetra- minus one2. One billion years3. 11 years ago, in the credits4. Where kings don’t rule5. Opening for graph6. Due to, in slang7. It comes “after me,” in a Louis XV quote8. What anchors face9. Winchester product10. Cop ___11. Hear (about)12. More suitable for a film festival than the local multiplex, say14. Thurman of “Bel Ami”17. Jai ___21. Dir. opposite WSW22. Foaming ___ mouth23. Native Canadians24. Caleb and John Dickson, for two26. Be belligerent28. Accounts head, for short

32. Without apologizing34. They run with torches35. New Zealand mystery writer Marsh36. Indie band ___ and Sara37. Heard tests39. Shared, like a characteristic40. Map lines: abbr.45. Much-maligned director Boll47. Basic util.48. Operating room covers49. King ___ (Michael Jackson title)50. Muse of love poetry51. Lacks options52. “Dear ___...”56. End zone scores, for short59. Major time period60. Website address61. “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” star Vardalos62. President pro ___

MATT JONES

Jonesin’ Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For an-swers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0581.

“Tally Ho!”—where have I heard that before?

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Brewer Media is an Equal Opportunity Employer.


I guess I was enamored by the freedom of hanging off the back of a big truck and hurling bags of some-one else’s refuse around until it was time to run the hydraulic press that com-pacted it all deep into the payload area so even more disgusting crap could be thrown on top.

Back then, we threw everything away—paper, plastic, glass, batteries, paint cans, used motor oil—it didn’t matter. We had no idea where it was going other than away from our clean garage that, until garbage day, smelled like rotting death. My childhood memories include not only hearing my father drag our cans down the driveway in what seemed like the mid-dle of the night, but also hearing the telltale sounds of the garbage truck mak-ing its rounds down the street the next morning.

Much like the siren call of the ice cream truck, I would perk up and run from wherever I was to the front of the house to watch in awe as some lucky dude (probably making loads of cash) dumped our old metal cans into the back of a truck before slam-ming them down on the driveway so hard my dad would surely spend half of his Saturday afternoon banging out the dents with a rubber mallet (also cool to watch).

As I grew up, my infatu-ation with waste disposal began to wane when I

discovered a penchant for writing drivel like this—and the actual income potential of anyone who hangs off the back of a truck. Just as discourag-ing though, is the fact that trash, at least back in the day, isn’t considered “trash” any more.

Having lunch recently in the deli of Greenlife Grocery, I proceeded to throw my trash away only to find several options of receptacles for disposal. I believe they read (in order) “compost,” “pa-per,” “plastic,” “glass” and “other.” I think I used all but one of them to discard the remnants of my lunch, which cost twice as much as those restaurants with only one receptacle that simply says “thank you.”

As a pioneer of the Southside, I’ve experi-enced the trials and trib-ulations of getting mail and garbage service in a newly inhabited area of town (just four blocks from City Hall). I think we finally moved from a “rural route” to a normally

scheduled mail route with one assigned postal work-er, but state-of-the-art trash service has just now caught up to us.

When I first moved in nearly six years ago, we were asked to provide our own cans because our route was still considered a rural route. I guess they wanted to see if the neigh-borhood was gonna gel before giving us expensive cans, like the $75 one I bought initially.

Just recently, however, we were upgraded to the status of “man sits in cab of truck and machine dumps city-issued cans,” so we were all given spe-cific instructions on how to throw things away and drag the can to the curb like we’d already been do-ing just fine for quite some time. In fact, we even knew how to place our cans away from parked cars and everything, but apparently this didn’t sat-isfy the boys down at City Hall.

Along with distribut-ing cans, they rendered the entire block in front of my townhome a no park-ing zone on Fridays from 7 a.m. until 6 p.m. In my disgust with the sign, I paced around my kitchen before noticing the beacon of a new dumpster located in the lot behind me. Hm-mmmm.

One Man’s Trashas a youngster, when asked what i wanted to be when i grew up, i nearly always answered “garbage man.” Not fireman or policeman or some other cool job where you got to blast sirens, wear official-looking uniforms and carry guns, but trash collector or the proper term, as I learned later in elementary school, “sanitary engineer.”

Life in the Noog ChUCK CROWDER

Chuck Crowder is a lo-cal writer and general man about town. His opinions are his own.

Modern trash service comes to the Southside.


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The Pulse 9.29 » July 19-25, 2012

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