"You must be Archie.""Uh-huh.""I'm Tiffany.""Okay.""It must be pretty exciting to be part of the Legacy."

"Whatever.""You might have to work on your 'people' skills if you're the heir.""Me the heir? If it's the heir you want, go find the doofus with the nice points. I'm the nasty spare. Emphasis on the 'nasty'.""Oh, I'm sure you're not that bad.""Wanna bet? Look at the scowl and tell me I'm a cuddly fuzzy puppy dog.""So you're the Bad Boy type, eh?""I'm the 'Archie' type, not that I give two shits what you think of me."

"The fact that you're the spare must be frustrating for you. Someone so clearly qualified for heirship to be denied can't be easy to take.""What do you know about it? You're not a Vetinari, so you're not part of the Legacy.""Don't you ever wish you were the heir?""Immortality sounds pretty sweet to me, lady. Now if you don't mind, I've got a bathtub to play in, so why don't you go bother the idiot?""Oh, I doubt he'll tell me anything I don't already know."

Cory haunts for the first time. So far he's a pretty mellow ghost, not scaring anyone or even coming into the house to cheer his bed, although he did whine about me moving his urn.

Maggie has her puppy. Despite all the room in the house, she has one, unlike when she was born and the house was completely full.

Anyway, the puppy is Jonathan, and since he's a male dog, I'll have to make another trip to the pet store to find him a mate when he grows up. If I feed Maggie some Kibble of Life, she'll still be an Adult when Archie moves back from college, and she can go live with him.

They're very cute. Maggie likes to play with Jonathan, and he's almost housebroken.

Archie's been locking Jonathan into Brunhilde's pen to housetrain him. Otherwise, I've found that the puppies will walk all the way across the yard to pee as far away as possible from wherever I've put them, no matter where they've peed before. Locking Jonathan into the cowplant pen means Archie doesn't have to follow him from one side of the lot to the other. It also means the gate has to be unlocked from time to time, so it's safer if Brunhilde is fed.

Archie still likes to tease the cowplant.

Et tu, Coco? Burning chili?"I thought maybe you missed the Asylum!"Not as such.

Archie, that's the chili your mother flambeed."I'm hungry."Knock yourself out.

"So, look, if you get to know me, you can get into Havelock House sooner and spend less time with the smelly Dormies.""I guess this means I have to be nice to you, huh?""That really would help.""Weak."

It's Coco's birthday, so I had her invite over Malcolm and Mal.

"Hi, Dad!""Xander, good to see you. Where's Archie?""Attempting to be personable to Cam.""That ought to be entertaining."

"Mal! You got a new hat!""Yeah. I like my hats.""Where's Eddie?""He went to college.""Oh.""It's weird not having him around.""Well, I'm still here!""I guess so."

Again with the chili?"You're the one who keeps telling me to make it!"It's chili! I've seen you make lobster!"Me and chili is like you and smoothies."I prefer to think of them as fruity non-Newtonian fluids.

No, Cam. You have a boyfriend. You may not have Malcolm.

...Cam's got a thing for unattractive men, doesn't he?

"There's this thing called 'chewing.' Perhaps you've heard of it?""Huh?"

"Man, this stuff is disgusting."

"It may be nasty, but that doesn't seem to be stopping you.""I'm on my second bowl."

Coco poofs unceremoniously into Elderhood.

Denise Jacquet called. She wants her dress back.

I think I can conclusively say that she did not inherit Helen's cheeks. Thank you, Coco, for not lending yourself to Skeletor jokes.

"Well, Malcolm? Here I am, all old and wrinkly."

"You're still as beautiful to me as you ever were.""Flatterer. Anyway, I thought my eyes were supposed to be getting worse, not yours.""Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I like to behold."

CARRYIN PUPPYUR DOIN IT WRONG

"Mom?""Yes?""What are you doing?""Flying a kite. What does it look like?""Why?""Because I can.""Can I go to college now?""If you want.""Okay."

"Bye, Dad.""Listen, Archie... If you see Eddie, tell him to call me, would you?""Yeah. You want me to make him do it?""That's probably not necessary."

"Later, Mom.""Have fun, Archie. College is a time to cut loose. Just watch those unintended Big Red Hearts.""Oh, I'm fairly sure all mine will be intended.""Is there anyone else you'd like to say goodbye to?""Yes. Yes there is."

"Who's a good girl? Who's gonna miss me when I'm gone? Who's a pretty dog? Maggie's a pretty dog! Yes you are! Good dog Maggie!"

And the first of Gen 6 heads to college...

Topher and Dora got their two bolts back after Dora aged up and I switched their turnons; they lost one when she aged up.

Friendly tip: You can't use a RenuYu Senso-Orb on a Grilled Cheese Sim!

"Right, boys, a spot of business to take care of.""Actual business? Is there money involved?""Tolly, not everything involves money.""Thank you, Rizzo.""I mean, some things involve girls."

"It's an heir issue. Rizzo, you're the heir. Tolly, you're the spare."

"So I have to get married, have kids, and die?"

"Yeah, but think of all the WooHoo you'll get to have.""Point."

"So if I'm the spare, can I go to college?""If you want. Are you sure you don't want to stick around and eat a few more half-sandwiches for me?""Um... Pretty sure, Mom."

"All right then. There are a bunch of half-sandwiches in the fridge at Havelock House if you get desperate.""I'll keep that in mind."

"Off so soon, Tol?""Dad, I'm growing up tomorrow. I'd rather not chicken-dance over growing up uneducated.""I understand completely."

And off goes Tolly! Pit stop time!

"Oh, you'd like him, Cy. He's a real piece of work.""A one-nice-point spare with an attitude problem? Sounds like he's right up my alley."

"He's playful, too. Said something about tub pirating.""Playful? Hmm. Might require some alterations to my plans.""They both are, I think. But the heir's a bit naive, from what I could see.""But the unpleasant spare, he's on the ball?""A nasty Knowledge Sim? Could he be anything else?"

"I've learned not to expect too much.""Oh, I think Archie's capable of holding a grudge. And more than capable of doing some damage, if I'm any judge of character.""Well, isn't that just...""Just what?"

"...Just excellent."

Jonathan grows up, and he lives up to the cool-looking dog thing I've been rocking at the Uglacy. Although...

...I don't know where he got those ears. I swear El Chupacabra has never seen the inside of Riverblossom Hills! Jonathan sort of reminds me of a luna moth.

"So I don't suppose you wanna...""Get married and have lots and lots of babies?""...Family Sim?""Yes! I love babies!""Well, maybe we could, you know...""Go Steady?""Never mind."

"I'm so glad Archie's gone! He was all, like, 'Grrrrrr' all the time, and it's so much more relaxing now that he's elsewhere!"

"Yeah, my sister's mean, but she's easily distracted by the thought of Meeting Someone New, so I'm cool with it.""That must be nice.""After she's Met Someone New, I get to flirt with them."

"Grandma! Knock it the crap off already!""I like getting slides!"

"Well?""Didn't get abducted, Mom.""But it's time to head to college?""Yup. And more putting up with Archie.""The two of you should really learn to get along.""You're preaching to the choir there."

"Have fun, Xander. And I'll see you when you get back.""Okay. I'll try to get Eddie to call Dad.""He'd like that."

One more to go...

"Are you gonna slug me, Dad?""Nope!""Mom does.""Then why do you play with her?""I have no idea."

"Dirty Joke?""Congratulate on Hotness?""Admire?""Squeeze?""Smooch?""Congratulate on Hotness?""Congratulate on having a baby?""Kiss Tenderly?""Dirty Joke?""Congratulate on Hotness?"

It was probably a good thing that Topher and Dora were in their bathroom keeping themselves occupied, because Rizzo was coming back from a Sneak Out with Simon.

"Hooray! Mom and Dad aren't going to catch me!"

Yeah, but your extremely great-grandmother Juniper did!"That's what you get for Sneaking Out, descendant of mine!""Waaaah! Not a Knowledge Sim!"

"...I need a shower now."

Topher can't leave Slartibartfast alone. He'll play with the bird until he has a pretty dire need to pee.

Since Topher's a slob, this happens a lot. Thanks, Topher.

Dora's still cranking out snapdragons for me. I don't need any more here, but they're nice to give out as gifts. Archie and Tolly could probably find some use for them. With a bunch of ghosts at the main households, it's nice to have a few snapdragons around when I have pregnant Sims. I really am trying to avoid another "Jeannie Incident."

"Indy! So nice of you to let yourself in! How would you like to clean the house?""You're a fan of the Influence, huh?""Absolutely! You can start in the upstairs bathroom!""...Yay!"

Nice to know that old age hasn't mitigated that nice point any. He never catches her.

Rizzo dreams of girls and going to college. Which is good, since it's about that time.

"Bye, Mom.""Are you sure you don't want to-""I don't want to eat any more grilled cheese sandwiches. Or drink any more skill points. I want to go to college. And, and I cannot express this strongly enough, NOT eat any more grilled cheese sandwiches."

"Later, Dad.""Ask Cam to leave you the pizzas. You can make it eight semesters without ever seeing a grilled cheese sandwich if you so choose.""That sounds fantastic."

And the last main household Vetinari's gone!

The rest of the neighborhood teens get their goodbyes as well.

Wren and Styx see Georgia off...

...Gin bids a fond farewell to surrogate son Billy...

...a pajama-clad Chad and Michelle say adieu to Fiona and Simon...

...and Di and Indy see Bianca and Becca off.

Fiona seemed pretty set on Reed, so I moved him to the Academie as well.

With Reed and Eddie, that gives me twelve Sims to play through college. Good times!

"Well? What do you think?""I think it's a bar, Dad.""It's an Eeevil bar.""It looks a little seedy, but I hardly think that makes it Eeevil."

"Don't be absurd! The Eeevil's what its purpose is.""Which would be...""Just take a look! Poker table, bar, televisions--like a playground for the playful types.""Actually, I think the Prettacy has you beat with the swingset thing.""Shut up. This is Field of Dreams. I have built it, and they will come."

"I mean, playful Sims like drinking and spending money playing cards and watching someone else's televisions, don't they?""I guess so, Dad.""Well, you're more playful than me, what do you like to do?""I'm not that much more playful. I don't exactly jump in bathtubs and make 'Arrrr' noises when I have a spare minute. If you wanted to know what they like to do, you could have asked..."

"Yes? Asked who?"

"Well, uh..."

"No one, I guess."

"Jake, I'm home! Are you here?"

"Jake? You in here?"

"Jake?"

"Jake, are you up here? Jake?"

"...Jake?"

"What is this? What the hell is this?"

"You didn't think you were the only one, did you?""How could you?""Oh, he doesn't mean anything. Just a bit of fun. Don't take it personally."

"Is that all I am to you? Just a bit of fun? Just a housebroken gay alien to trot out at parties like some... some well-trained dog? 'Sit, Cassidy!' 'Speak, Cassidy!' 'Beg, Cassidy!' 'Roll over, Cassidy!' 'If you're a good boy, I'll give you a bone, Cassidy'!"

"My brother was right about you!"

"Mmmm. I don't hear you complaining. If you don't like it, you can leave any time. But you might have some trouble paying for your drinks and all that time you spend at the bubble blowers. Face it, Cassidy, you need me. You like the things I give you and you're willing to do whatever I want you to do as long as I keep on giving. So don't act like you're too good for me. We both know you're never going to walk out that door."

"Yeah? Just watch me!"

"Cass, I don't want to fight with you. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. He was just leaving. Come on, you're the one I asked to move in with me. You're the one I spend every night with. He's just a one-time thing; you're the one I really want. Don't be mad; you'll be here long after I've forgotten his name. Forgive me?"

"How long has this been going on? How many other men have you brought into our bed, Jake?"

"Mmmm. Does that really matter?""Don't touch me!"

"It's really not important, Cassidy. I treat you so much better than I treat them. You should be glad that I treat you so well. No one else would. I took you in when you had nothing and nowhere to go. You shouldn't be mad about my little flings after everything I've done for you. I gave you a roof over your head, food on your table, and I don't even get angry about all the time you spend at the bars. Don't you owe me a little something in return?"

"It's just... Why can't I be enough for you?"

"That's not how things work. I do love you, you know. You're special, Cassidy, and no one could love you like I do."

"But... But if you loved me, you wouldn't..."

"Mmmm. Of course I love you. Don't I give you everything you want? You know I didn't mean to hurt you. Now how about you let me make it up to you?""I don't..."

"If you really loved me, you'd forgive me."

"You do love me, don't you, Cass?"

"Spider Jerusalem. ...Hello? Is anyone there? ...Hello? ...Cass?"

"Cassidy? Is this you? Talk to me, please."

"Cass, tell me what you need. I'll do anything, you know that, just tell me what I have to do. Please, just talk to me. Cass, please."

"Cassidy, tell me what's going on. I'll help you, but I have to know what's wrong. Please talk to me. Tell me what you need me to do. I'm begging you, Cass, please talk to me."

"Don't do this to yourself. Please stop, Cass. Please. Talk to me. Say something. Say anything. Tell me how to help you."

"Please, please talk to me, Cassi-"

Thanks for reading the Vetinari Dualegacy. This has been Chapter 16.5: Numb.

Sorry, guys. Had to be done.

Next time, Gen 6 hits college in Chapter 17.