Things We Think, But Don’t SayThe Power of Restorative CommunicationPATRICK J . HALE, M.S.ED.RESIDENCE HALL DIRECTORBOSTON UNIVERSITY RESIDENCE LIFE

What You Will Learn How to communicate effectively in difficult situations

What it means to be “restorative”

How to respond in situations of conflict

Different styles of communication

Tools for how you can be restorative in your communication

Residence Life MissionResidence Life engages and connects students in residential and University communities, fostering students’ growth as leaders equipped to interact in a local and global context.We strive to facilitate student learning and development in a safe and healthy experience, defined by respect and dignity for all individuals.

Cont

rol (

limit-

setti

ng, d

iscip

line)

Support (encouragement, nurture)

HIGH

HIGHLOW

TO(punitive)

WITH(restorative)

NOT(neglectful)

FOR(permissive)

Human beings are happier, more cooperative, more productive, and more likely to make positive changes in their behavior when those in positions of authority do things with them, rather than to them or for them.

Cont

rol (

limit-

setti

ng, d

iscip

line)

Support (encouragement, nurture)

HIGH

HIGHLOW

Avoider Accommodator

Competitor Collaborator

Compromiser

Compass of ShameWithdraw

avoid

ATTACKOTHERS

attackself

Restorative Communication Practices & Tools

Affective statements◦ “I felt really angered by what you said/did.”◦ “I’m concerned that what you said hurt that other student.”◦ “I appreciate you hearing me out.”

Affective questions◦ “What did you mean by that statement?”◦ “How do you think the other person might have been affected by your

actions?”

Restorative Communication Practices & Tools

Small Impromptu Conferences

Community Circles

Formal Conferences

Raising the B.A.R.

Breathe Acknowledge Respond

ReactAttackBreathe

Best Way to Communicate with Others

The Harmful Way to Communicate with Others

Other Things You Can Do

Focus on the behavior

Use “I” statements

Control your own actions

Engage without judgment

Be patient

Take care of yourself

Things You Should Try to Avoid

Pass judgment on the person

Be “preachy”

Yell or shout at the person

Offend the other person

Force the other person to change