Issue #1084 - Weekly issue of Tidbits - Denver Metro Area. The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read
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TIDBITS® GIVES THE REGAL FACTS ON
RULERS & MONARCHSby Sarah Bates
If there is a country, it’s probably had a king at one point or another. This week Tidbits delves into the world of monarchs and gives you some kingly facts on royalty.
As a precaution, Prince Charles and •Prince William never travel on the same plane.MarieAntoinettewasthefifteenthofsix-•teen children.Queen Victoria is •often called the Grandmother of Europe because eight of her nine children married into other Euro-pean royal fami-lies. There are several current monarchs in Eu-rope who are her great, great grandchil-dren, including Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip, King Harald V of Norway, King Carl XVI Gustaf of Sweden, Queen Margrethe II of Denmark, King Juan Car-losIofSpain,andhiswifeQueenSofia.Queen Victoria was also the great grand-•mother to the Russian Grand Duchess Anastasia, more commonly known as “Princess” Anastasia.
turn the page for more!
Issue #1084April 20, 2009
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Page 2 Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area April 20, 2009
Queen Elizabeth II learned to drive in •1945 at the age of nineteen.Cleopatra was actually the seventh Egyp-•tianqueenofthatname.Shewasofficial-ly titled Cleopatra VII Philoptor.Cleopatra had four children: Ptolemy •Caesar by Julius Caesar and Cleopatra SeleneII,AlexanderHeliosandPtolemyPhiladelphus by Marc Antony.The month of August is named after Oc-•tavian – the heir of Julius Caesar and the man who defeated Antony and Cleopatra – as he went on to become Caesar Au-gustus of Rome.Tutankamun, bet-•ter known as King Tut, was originally Tutankaten. Aten was the sun god of Egypt and had been part of a monotheis-tic effort by the prior King. Tut changed his name to Tut-ankamun after the Egyptians stopped worshipping Aten and reverted back to polytheism.The Great Pyramid of Egypt was built dur-•ing the reign of King Khufu around 2560 B.C. and was the tallest man-made struc-ture for nearly 4,000 years.Prince Charles was not officially titled•The Prince of Wales until 1958, when he wasnineyearsold.Theofficialceremonydidn’t take place for another eleven years, when Charles was twenty.
RULERS & MONARCHS (continued)
The only king in a deck of cards without a •mustache is the king of hearts.King Sobhuza II of Swaziland (1899-1982) •reigned for a whopping eighty-two years and nine months, the longest of any mon-arch in recent history.Other lengthy reigns include those of •Louis XIV of France, with seventy-two years, three months, and Queen Victoria, withnearlysixty-fouryears.Henry VI of England was only eight months •old when he became king in 1422.Elizabeth II has currently surpassed any •record for long life held by a reigning Brit-ish monarch. She is eighty-three as of April 21st.The oldest British monarch to begin reign •was William IV, who came to the throne at theageofsixty-four.PrinceCharleswillsurpass this record if he becomes king after February of 2013.Mary, Queen of •Scots, was only a week old when she became queen in 1542.James VI of Scot-•land, son of Mary, Queen of Scots, had been ruling Scotland since he wasoneyearold–nearlythirty-sixyears– when he also became King James I of England after the death of Elizabeth I in 1603.David II of Scotland married Joan, daugh-•ter of Edward II of England, when he was four and she was seven. He was crowned king one year later. They had no chil-dren.Isabella Valois, Princess of France, was •the second wife of Richard II of England. She was nearly seven years old when she became queen in 1396. Richard was nineteen. Purely a political move, the marriage ended four years later with the murder of Richard II.Henry I of England had the most acknowl-•edged illegitimate children of any British monarch. He had, at least, twenty-four known children outside his marriage.The current youngest ruling monarch is •Druk Gyalpo (Dragon King) Jigme Khe-sar Namgyel Wangchuk of Bhutan. He is twenty-eight years old and was crowned in November of 2008.Thirty-eight British monarchs have been •crowned in Westminster Abbey since
1066.Elizabeth I is buried with her half-sister, •Mary I of England, in Westminster Abbey. Both are daughters of Henry VIII.Queen Anne of England, Scotland and •Ireland had eighteen children, though only one survived infancy. Anne, the last of the Stuart line, was succeeded by her cousin, George I.Queen Elizabeth II has sent over 37,000 •Christmas cards during her reign.QueenElizabethIIwasalsothefirstBrit-•ish monarch to visit China.Queen Elizabeth II sent her first email•from an Army base in 1976.Prince Phillip, Queen Elizabeth II’s hus-•band, was present in Tokyo harbor when Japan surrendered in World War II.Prince Charles’s second wife, Camilla •Parker Bowles, will never become queen. When Prince Charles accedes the throne, shewillbeofficiallytitledHerRoyalHigh-ness, The Princess Consort.Lady Jane Grey is known as the Nine •Day Queen. She was the grand niece to Henry VIII, and when his son Edward VI died fromtuberculosisatagefifteen,hewilled the crown to Jane to prevent either of his sisters, Elizabeth I or Mary I, from claiming the throne. Despite Edward’s will, Mary had the backing of Parliament and when she took the throne, she had her seventeen year-old cousin Jane be-headed. However, Mary asked that it be aprivateexecution–itissaidtobeoutofrespect for her cousin.The Duke of York, Queen Elizabeth II’s •second son, served in the British Royal Navy for twenty-two years.King Edward VII, born November 9th, •wasthefirstBritishsovereigntomarkhisofficialbirthdayonaseparatedayoftheyear, choosing to celebrate it in May or June. Queen Elizabeth II’s April birthday isofficiallycelebratedinJune.
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On • April 23, 1564, according to tradition, the great English dramatist and poet William Shakespeare is born in Stratford-on-Avon. It is impossibletobecertainoftheexactday, but church records show that Shakespeare was baptized on April 26, and three days was a customary amount of time to wait before baptizing a newborn.
On • April 26, 1865, John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated President Abraham Lincoln 12 days earlier, is killed when Union soldiers track him down to a Virginia farm. The original plan involved a simultaneous assassination of Lincoln, Vice President Andrew Johnson and Secretary of State William Seward.
On • April 22, 1889, at precisely high noon, thousands of would-be settlers make a mad dash into the newly opened Oklahoma Territory to claim cheap land. All told, from 50,000 to 60,000 settlers entered the territory that day. Towns like Norman,OklahomaCity,Kingfisherand Guthrie sprang into being almost overnight.
On • April 24, 1916, on Easter Monday in Dublin, the Irish Republican Brotherhood, a secret organization of Irish nationalists led by Patrick Pearse, launches the so-called Easter Rebellion, an armed uprising against British rule. Rioters attacked British provincial government headquarters across Dublin and seized the Irish capital’s GeneralPostOffice.
On • April 21, 1956, “Heartbreak Hotel” hits the top of the Billboard charts.ThesongwasElvis’firstNo.1 hit. In his lifetime, he earned 94 gold singles and more than 40 gold LPs.
On • April 20, 1980, the Castro regime announces that all Cubans wishing to emigrate to the U.S. are free to board boats at the port of Mariel west of Havana, launching the Mariel Boatlift. In all, 125,000 CubansfledtoU.S.shoresinabout1,700 boats, creating large waves of refugees that overwhelmed the U.S. Coast guard.
On • April 25, 1995, actress Ginger Rogers dies at the age of 83. Best known for the 10 films she madewith dance partner Fred Astaire, Rogers also appeared in a wide variety of comic and dramatic roles and won an Oscar for Best Actress in the 1940 drama “Kitty Foyle.”
(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
1. MOVIES: What was the name of the college that was the setting for “Animal House”?2. AD SLOGANS: What product had the slogan, “They plump when you cook ‘em.”3. AUTOS: What inspired Cadillac’s iconictailfinsinthe1950s?4. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What does the Ishihara test determine?5. MUSIC: Who was the last musician to perform at the 1969 Woodstock music festival?6. TELEVISION: What was Phoebe’s twin sister’s name on the sitcom “Friends”?7. ANATOMY: How long does it take for atoenailorfingernailtogrowfrombaseto tip?8. WEATHER: Most tornadoes in the U.S. form during what period of the year?9. FAMOUS QUOTATIONS: Which 20th century comedian said, “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city”?10. GEOGRAPHY: What is the only Canadian province that borders the Great Lakes?
Answers1. Faber College2. Ball Park Franks3. Twin rudders on Lockheed
P38 aircraft4. Color blindness5.JimiHendrix6. Ursula7.Sixmonths8. Spring or summer9. George Burns 10. Ontario
Quips & Quotes“IfThomasJeffersonthoughttaxationwithout representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.”
---- Rush Limbaugh “I’ve been to Canada, and I’ve always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
---- Jon Stewart “Moneyisinsomerespectslife’sfire:itisaveryexcellentservant,butaterriblemaster.”
---- P. T. Barnum
(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
Page 4 Tidbits® - Denver Metro Area April 20, 2009
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The Smart Way to Pack for Your Destination Wedding
ByBeverly Clark
Many couples today are opting for destination weddings — an opportunity to bring the celebration to what often is a special or meaningful, and usually fabulous locale that generally requires the bridal party and guests to travel. While the potential for glitches may be greater with a destination wedding than with one in your hometown, a little research and forethought can head off potential snafus. Packing is one area you can trouble-proof using a few minor precautions.Perhaps the most important item you’ll pack will beyourweddinggown.Ifyou’reflying,itishighlyinadvisable to check your gowsn as luggage. It is far too easily and often lost. In addition, your dress could be damaged if your bag is searched by airport security. For peace of mind, consider either carrying the gown in a garment or upright bag on the plane with you, or shipping it ahead. If you’re planning to carry it on the plane, you should check ahead with the airline to be sure you can stow it in a coat closet on board; some airlines no longer allow this or there may be an additional “baggage” charge. In a pinch, you could stow it in an overhead compartment, but try to place it on top of other luggage. As an alternative to consider, visit your local post officeorprofessionalshippingshoptodiscussyour options with the clerks, who will be able to fillyouinoninsurance,shippingandpackagingconcerns. Be sure to choose a service that offers complete insurance coverage as well as a tracking number with up-to-the-minute capabilities. And give your dress plenty of time to get to your destination — even a week or two ahead is not too soon, as long as you make arrangements to have it stored in a safe place untilyouarrive.Theextratimewillallowyoutomake alternative plans in case the unthinkable happens and your dress doesn’t show up. Also, don’t despair if, despite all your precautions, your dress arrives wrinkled: you can always get it professionally pressed after you arrive.Other essential items should be stored in your carry-on luggage or shipped ahead with your wedding gown rather than packed in checked baggage. These include the remaining items of your wedding outfit— undergarments, shoes,purse, veil, headpiece or tiara, jewelry as well as the groom’s wedding-day clothing and accessories, wedding rings, marriage license, birth certificates or passports, and any otheroriginal documents you’ll be taking with you, and anything you absolutely can’t do without on your wedding day!Follow your standard rules of packing for any trip: start early so you don’t feel rushed and are less likely to forget something important. If your destination is the place where you’ll be honeymooning, remember to pack appropriate clothes, shoes, accessories and, if necessary, sunscreen. And don’t forget your camera!When traveling to your destination by car, there are a few other things to remember. If you’re bringing your gown with you, stuff both the bodice and the garment bag it was packed in with tissue and hang it so the bodice faces the car door to keep wrinkles at bay. Then, lay the rest of the gown across the seat. If you don’t have a bag, you can still stuff the bodice and buffer the skirt folds with tissue, covering the gown with sheets pinned together.These tips and pointers should go along way toward making your destination wedding run as smoothassilkshantung.Havefun,beflexibleand bask in the joy of the occasion.
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To Place Your Event in this calendar please e-mail [email protected]
EventsMicroChip Your Cat - FREE: September 2008 - September 2009 (as long as supplies last); Various veterinary hospitals and clinics across the metro area. 150,000 cats metro-wide will receive free microchips! Visit www.ChipYourCat.com for details.Cinco de Mayo Celebrate Culture Festival - May 9, 2009 - May 10, 2009, Saturday and Sunday 10:00 am - 8:00 pm, Civic Center Park, Denver. FREE. Spice up your weekend and head to Civic Center Park for the largest Cinco de Mayo celebration in the United States! Mexicanculturefillstheparkwithartsand crafts , strolling Mariachi bands, colorfully costumed Aztec dancers, several stages featuring traditional and contemporary Latino entertainment and a varietyofMexicanculinarydelights!www.CincoDeMayoDenver.comBikers Against Diabetes: May 17, 2009; Fraternal Order of Eagles, 1151 S Galena St, Denver. $20 Single/$10 Passenger(includesLunch)BenefitsChildren’s Hospital Diabetes Research. www.EagleRiders3224.com or call (303) 695-0673.Fuel-Fest: June 12, 2009, - June 14, 2009, May Farms, Byers. A bold new Western festival that merges astonishing music and familyentertainmentwithanextraordinarymarketplace of clean technologies and educational workshops. A grand new event showcasing Colorado’s national leadership in shaping a new energy future. Presented by May Farms in partnership with: The US Department of Energy’s National Renewable Energy Laboratory, ColoradoGovernor’sEnergyOfficeandtheColorado Department of Agriculture. Music, workshops,marketplaceandexpo,hands-on interactive educational activities for kids -suchaskiteflying-aswellasahealthymixofbarnyardfun-hayridesandapettingzoo. For More information - www.Fuel-Fest.org.Parker Country Festival: June 12, 2009 - June 14, 2009; Town of Parker, Main Street. FREE Admission - Individual activies such as carnival rides will have costs. Carnival, 150 arts and craft/Commercial vendors, kids’ activities, two stages of free entertainment and a parade. Friday 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm. Saturdy 9:00 am - 11:00 pm. Sunday 9:00 am - 10:00 pm. www.ParkerOnLine.orgJazz Aspen Snowmass Festival: June 18, 2009 - June 28, 2009; Snowmass Village Resort, Snowmass Colorado. Ticket Information to be announced. NEW VENUE! Show Times To Be Announced. Music, Food, Friends and Fun. The festival will showcase multiple performances featuring this year’s brilliant group of JAS Academy artists at a variety of clubs. www.SnowmassVillage.comCoolest Car Show: July 4, 2009; 10:00 am - 4:00 pm. Downtown Estes Park, between West Elkhorn Ave and Moraine Ave, Estes Park Colorado. Ticket Information - $4 Adult, $2 children and students, FREE under 6 yrs old, OR BRING THE FAMILY FORJUST$10!ProceedsbenefittheEstes Park Museum. The Coolest Car Show will feature over 100 vintage vehicles from the 1920s and beyond. Car show will take place in Bond Park and throughout the Downtown area. Close up inspection of the cars is encouraged! Information and to register your car: www.EstesParkcvb.com
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Free EventsBus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/Museum District - First Friday of every month free, 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.comChildren’s Museum -FreeadmissionfirstTuesday evening of the month, 4 - 8pm 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.orgColorado Railroad Museum - Check the web site for free days. www.crrm.org 17155 W. 44th Avenue, Golden 303-279-4591CU In Broomfield World Music Series - Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pm BroomfieldAuditorium,3CommunityParkRd,303-469-3301x7999www.broomfield.orgDenver Art Museum - First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am-5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.orgDenver Botanic Gardens - Free day: First Friday of each month, 9am-5pm 1005 York St, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.orgDenver Museum of Nature & Science - 2009 Free days: Sun Apr 19, Sun May 31, Wed Jun 10, Mon Jul 13, Wed Aug 12, Sun Sep 13, Sun Oct 4, Mon Nov 2, Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.orgFirehouse Tales For Tots- DenverFirefightersMuseum 1356 Tremont Pl, (303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6Museum of Contemporary Art - First Saturday of every month - Admission: 1 penny 1275 19th St, Denver 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.orgU.S. Mint - Free: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservationsencouraged320WestColfaxAve., 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov
SportsColorado Rockies - Major League BaseballArizona hosts Rockies: Mon Apr 20, 7:40 pm, Tue Apr 21, 7:40 pm, and Mon Apr 22, 1:40 pmRockies host Los Angeles: Fri Apr 24, 7:10 pm, Sat Apr 25, 6:10 pm, and Sun Apr 26, 1:10 pmRockies host San Diego; Mon Apr 27, 6:40 pm, Tue Apr 28, 6:40 pm, and Wed Apr 29, 1:10 pmSan Francisco hosts Rockies: Fri May 1, 8:15 pm, Sat May 2, 2:05 pm, Sun May 3, 2:05 pmSan Diego hosts Rockies: Mon May 4, 8:05 pm, Tue May 5, 8:05 pmRockies host San Francisco: Wed May 6, 6:40 pm, Thu May 7, 1:10 pmRockies host Florida: Fri May 8, 7:10 pm, Sat May 9, 6:10 pm, Sun May 10, 1:10 pmRockies host Houston: Tue May 12, 6:40 pm, Wed May 13, 6:40 pm, Thu May 14, 1:10 pmPittsburgh hosts Rockies: Fri May 15, 5:05 pm, Sat May 16, 5:05 pm, Sun May 17, 11:35 amAtlanta hosts Rockies: Mon May 18, 5:00 pm, Tue May 19, 5:00 pm, Wed May 20, 5:00 pm, Thu May 21, 5:00 pmDetroit hosts Rockies: Fri May 22, 5:05 pm, Sat May 23, 5:05 pm, Sun May 24, 11:35 amRockies host Los Angeles: Mon May 25, 1:10 pm, Tue May 26, 6:40 pm, Wed May 27, 1:10 pmRockies host San Diego: Fri May 29, 7:10 pm, Sat May 30, 6:10 pm, Sun May 31, 1:10 pmColorado Rapids - Major League SoccerRapids host Los Angeles: Sat Apr 25, 7:00 pmRapids host Salt Lake: Sat May 2, 7:30 pmN. England hosts Rapids: Sat May 16, 5:30 pmRapids host Seatlle: Sat May 23, 7:30 pmNew York hosts Rapids: Sat May 30, 5:30 pmDenver Outlaws - Major League LacrosseOutlaws host Chicago; Sat May 16, 7:00 pmBoston hosts Outlaws; Fri May 22, 5:30 pmOutlaws host Waashington; Sat May 30, 7pmColorado Avalanche - NHLDenver Nuggets - NBAColorado Mammoth - Natl Lacrosse League
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Mother Of Wounded Soldier Spreads Word Of
Support(NAPS)—Rosie Babin did not choose tobeanexpertonsupportforseverelywounded soldiers. But when her son was severely woundedinMarch2003duringthefirstdays of the war in Iraq that choice was made for her.Cpl. Alan Babin, a combat medic, was moving to provide aid to a fellow soldier when he was struck by enemy fire, resulting inextensiveandsevereinternal injuries. Since then, he has undergone more than 70 surgeries—all with his family by his side. “We were forced to figure everythingout on our own, with only the assistance of friends and family back home,” said Rosie Babin, mother and caregiver.A lot has changed since then.In 2004, the U.S. Army Wounded Warrior Program (AW2) was established to provide personalized support to severely wounded, injured and ill soldiers and their families. This year,AW2marksfiveyearsofsupportto wounded soldiers and their families.After the Army established AW2, Rosie Babin saw a noticeable difference.
“I literally went from being highly stressed out one hour because of a $70,000-plus invoice we received to being totally at peace and feeling hope when the AW2 Advocate took it over and had it handled.”More than 120 AW2 Advocates provide personalized support to soldiers and families across the country and beyond for as long as it takes. This support can take the form of connecting soldiers and families with full benefits, educationalopportunities, financial and careercounseling, or assistance in continuing to serve in the Army.Today, Babin says it’s not about how AW2 can assist her family, it’s about how she can share her knowledge and experienceswithotherfamilies.This year, Rosie Babin was a delegate representing AW2 soldiers and families at the 2009 Army Family Action Plan conference. The conference identifiesissues impacting soldiers and families and briefs those concerns to Army leadership. For Babin to attend the conference, she needed to coordinate for the care of her son in her absence. With the progress she saw at week’s end, Babin said it was well worth the effort.“I departed reinspired to continue sharing our six-year experience with
what works and what improvements can be made. I’m thankful that today theAW2programexistsandseverelywounded soldiers and their families always have a place to turn to in the Army even after they leave the service.”Tohelpspreadthewordandhonorfiveyears of support to severely wounded, injured and ill soldiers and their families, AW2 is launching the AW2 AffiliateProgram. Organizations wishing to show their support of severely wounded soldiers and their families should contact AW2 through its Web site at www.aw2.army.mil or call (800) 237-1336.
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It was humorist and commentator Andy •Rooney (of “60 Minutes” fame) who made the following sage observation: “Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is givingAmerica a newsense of purpose.”AtonetimeinCorpusChristi,Texas,city•leaders saw fit tomake it illegal for anindividual to raise alligators in his or her home.The next time you find yourself picking•up a complimentary toothpick on your way out of a restaurant, you might want to consider this fact: More Americans choke on toothpicks than on any other item.If you’re a man, you might be surprised to •learn that in a survey that was conducted recently, more than 40 percent of women in the United States admitted that they would wear a stylish shoe even if it were uncomfortable. If you’re a woman, you might be surprised that the figure wasonly 40 percent.Resources are very scarce in space, so •it’s important to conserve wherever pos-sible. The astronauts on the International Space Station might be going a bit far, however; it’s been reported that they change their underwear only every three or four days in order to cut down on laun-dry.Those who study such things say that •the average grocery store today carries approximately 30,000 different items --that’s more than twice as many items as those stores carried 20 years ago.A couple of years ago, Mariah Carey -- •the American singer, songwriter, actress and, not incidentally, pitch woman for Gil-lette’s “Legs of a Goddess” ad campaign -- insured her legs for $1 billion.
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Two Nebraska Cornhuskers are walking down the road when one says ‘’Look at that dog with one eye!’’ The other Cornhusker covers one of his eyes and says ‘’Where?’’ In the 18th-century a vagabond in Eng-land, exhausted and famished, came to aroadside Inn with a sign reading: “George and the Dragon.” He knocked. The Inn-keepers wife stuck her head out a window. “Could ye spare some vittles?” The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. “No!” she shouted. “Could I have a pint of ale?” “No!” she shouted. “Could I at least use your privy?” “No!” she shouted again. The vagabond said, “Might I...” “What now?” the womanscreeched,notallowinghimtofin-ish. “D’ye suppose,” he asked, “that I might have a word with George?” Is French kissing in France just called kissing?In the late 1800’s, a blonde dyed her hair brown to become a brunette. This is widely known,historically,asthefirstrecordedat-temptatartificialintelligence.A crusty old man walks into a bank and told the woman at the teller window “I want to open a damn checking account.” The astonished woman replies, “I beg your par-don, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?” “Listen up, dammit. I said I want to open a damn checking ac-count now!” “I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank.” The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the tell-er does not have to listen to that foul lan-guage. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, “Sir what seems to be the problem here?” “There is no damn problem”, the man says. “I just won $50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking ac-count in this damn bank.” “I see,” says the manager, “and is this damn hag giving you a hard time?” Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway be-fore it has stopped snowing. Two Nebraska Cornhuskers were pas-sengers on a jet crossing the country. The pilot came on the intercom to report trouble with engine number one that had to be shut down.Theflightwouldlastanhourlonger,but there was no cause for alarm. After a while, the pilot reported an oil leak on en-
gine number four. Absolutely no cause for anxiety as a jumbo can fly on the two re-maining. But a further delay in their arrival. Some concern rippled round the passen-gers. Sure enough, the pilot later reports a fuel feed problem on engine number three. One Cornhusker turns to the other with a worried look and says, “I’m terribly con-cerned. If that other engine goes, we might be up here all night!”An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman asked about your work and if it would appreciate in value af-ter your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.” “That’s wonderful,”theartistexclaimed.“What’sthebad news?” “The guy was your doctor.”Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dan-gly things here and drink whatever comes out’?
By Samantha Weaver
(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.
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Questions To Ponder...If the funeral procession is at night, do •folks drive with their lights off?If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, •will it make a sound?When it rains, •why don’t sheep shrink?If you throw a •cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?If corn oil comes from corn, where does •baby oil come from?How do they get a deer to cross at that •yellow road sign?If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot •them?What’s another word for thesaurus?•Why do they sterilize the needles for •lethal injections?What do they use to ship styrofoam?•Why is abbreviation such a long word?•Whyisthereanexpirationdateonmy•sour cream container?Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns •because they taste funny?When you choke a smurf, what color •
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does it turn?Why do they call it a TV set when you •only get one?Is it possible to be totally partial?•What was the best thing before sliced •bread?If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it •a success?Do cemetery workers prefer the •graveyard shift?What do you do when you see an •endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?Do hungry crows have ravenous •appetites?If a parsley farmer is sued, can they •garnish his wages?Wouldaflywithoutwingsbecalleda•walk?Why do steam irons have a permanent •press setting?Can you be a closet claustrophobic?•Why do they lock gas station •bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?Why do people who know the least •know it the loudest?Are vegetarians who eat animal •crackers hypocrites?If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell •him he has the right to remain silent?Ifyou’recross-eyedandhavedyslexia,•can you read all right?
