Home >Documents >Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

Date post:03-Jun-2018
Category:
View:227 times
Download:0 times
Share this document with a friend
Transcript:
  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    1/61

    Amniotic Dreamby Timothy Lavenz

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    2/61

    2014

    work in progress

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    3/61

    I

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    4/61

    1

    the open duct

    never conducts

    breaks all my

    notions of

    love

    peace

    thought

    wrings action out:

    animation

    pagination

    autochthony

    blot

    sequencesof absences

    belly-breathing

    crowning

    talk

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    5/61

    2

    time:

    surrendering

    to the current

    in the rock

    love for all the creatures

    feature-caught

    love for the measure

    mammon brought

    love for the missing

    ought

    love for whatthat sequence

    taught

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    6/61

    3

    echo for the present

    is what forthe present said:

    to halo

    over horizons

    of hatred

    to be blatantin the amorphous

    element

    to have a word

    about the alias

    in our dust

    to be

    trusted

    to

    us

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    7/61

    4

    are you feeling

    the forerunnerof God?

    never to be arrived at yet:

    the possibility of calm.

    oh but that too:

    the possibilityof connection

    tease taste

    tulip

    arm.

    oh too:

    fingersbreasts

    strokes

    errors

    logos

    stars

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    8/61

    5

    every horror

    grapplinggroping

    every mannequin

    straddling

    stroking

    every ghostgroggy

    going

    every ashbag

    focusing

    numbing

    every pirate

    lonesome

    roving

    every lassitude

    grounding

    molting

    every alibi

    demanding

    devoting

    every parachute

    landingsoaring

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    9/61

    6

    All I am

    is a drooling storysuccumbing

    to the maximum

    of things.

    All I am

    is a pooling porosity

    belovedto the seepage

    of dreams.

    All I am

    is a groveling gossiper

    coaxing out

    filamentsof seed.

    All I am

    is a motioning marvel

    enfolding

    the correspondence

    that rings.

    All I am

    is a local minimum

    summing

    the cogency

    of lead.

    All I am

    is a barking comma

    salient

    in the utterance

    of reading.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    10/61

    7

    All I amis a remnant forgotten

    witness

    to the happening

    of loss.

    All I am

    is a shifting augurforgetful

    in the cellophane

    of being.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    11/61

    8

    angel

    arms splayedwide silent

    earthful praying

    cup

    of winters fountain

    like spring

    breath

    of eve

    the beginning

    life

    the feeling

    of me

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    12/61

    9

    anxious

    on the wingof tomorrow

    summoned

    to the pinnacle

    of possible

    openin the flow

    of laudable

    grown

    to the limit

    of powering

    waiting

    in the mirror

    of love

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    13/61

    10

    relaxed

    on the bridgeof myself to myself,

    I thought of what I wanted,

    I thought of what myself,

    trailed off into the valleys

    of the world Id always loved.

    didnt need to knowwhy it was lost,

    didnt need to know

    why it was off,

    didnt need to know

    why I loved.

    only after thatI thought:

    the bridge

    going over us

    is us.

    whatever we said

    longinglywent across.

    whatever was true

    went on

    unlost.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    14/61

    11

    bubbles of truth

    channel throughthe ether

    faces turn outward

    expose all

    interiors

    minds conjureantidotes

    to fearful

    hands touch

    on the silence

    of meaningful

    language

    brims over

    to see through

    answers

    come out like air

    to meet us

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    15/61

    12

    desire more vital

    than any living needsustains me,

    whispers me

    to the ears

    of the lost

    at all costs

    wrapped aroundthe open artery

    of a scream...

    cringes at being

    known

    we are not.

    would goright now

    to the coffin

    were it not

    for the fantasy

    in between

    were it notfor this love

    believing us

    infinite

    animate

    amniotic

    dream.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    16/61

    13

    radiant convection

    of nightcoming to consciousness

    in my bust

    the pedestal

    outlawed,

    the spotlight

    corrupt;

    desire

    to be more like

    what else?

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    17/61

    14

    deep into the lyric

    thinkingtrickles inklings

    of irrelevance

    into meaning

    lip-balm

    for the damned

    seizures

    seeing

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    18/61

    15

    adance

    ascantaskew

    asunder

    in this

    horrid clouding

    mirroring called

    you:

    I

    record

    an image

    a distance

    a disease

    eternal

    try

    to focus

    the winds

    of dead

    echoes

    on the bodyripped apart

    by language

    delivers

    truth

    to the others

    now-devouredlike mad

    in ethers

    pain of

    outside

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    19/61

    16

    the lurid

    frame of

    a kiss

    a lift

    impossible:

    alive

    amusedabused

    adrift

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    20/61

    17

    the trappings cascade

    tear away and away

    how clearly then

    we speak to say:

    this being was made

    to speak this way

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    21/61

    18

    I think

    where Imnot thinking,

    not thought:

    the power goes out,

    a call goes off.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    22/61

    19

    A silent science

    of listeningintrigues

    Into the Other

    is poured out all reason

    Liberated

    covenantal trustof singers

    believing

    Spoke

    of innocence

    wrinkled

    and shivering

    Rose

    into the clearing

    a Host

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    23/61

    20

    Love

    that onlyhaunts and hurts

    The climb

    of the supercell

    is perfect

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    24/61

    21

    beings and letters

    return to sendershredded

    mourning

    the code

    in the keep

    mourningthroat murder

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    25/61

    22

    but as the eyes scanned

    and the images danced

    as the heart leapt

    and the world panned

    one grim epiphany

    rose and subsumed

    all phenomena:

    I is that

    mechanism

    to chance;

    I is that

    code-cancellingmachine;

    I proclaims

    the inexistence

    of meaning;

    I lovesthis world

    without me.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    26/61

    23

    In darkness

    a lark wandersin the name of

    peering farther

    does not

    give a hoot

    about tomorrow

    does not

    wonder why

    it cant be tamed

    does not

    know how far

    it has to go

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    27/61

    24

    arid emphasis

    or curse:

    theory burns

    the heart

    of the listener,

    changes his charge

    into crypt-filler,

    grits his styleinto curling,

    twerks his loaf

    into a million.

    everyones fed,

    no hair goes missing.

    the universe

    spits up

    a miracle:

    translucent,

    deliberate,

    ignorantturd:

    language,

    suffering

    everything.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    28/61

    25

    loose imaginations

    starringthe reason of trust

    turns the image

    into bust

    corporeal

    in love with nothing

    to do with it

    cannot find the way to it

    but does

    birthing

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    29/61

    26

    Please, light,

    dont leave me

    Please, light,

    leave

    Please, light,

    be me

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    30/61

    27

    vanished light

    the sky

    with rain

    is typing

    I am trying

    to remember

    my name

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    31/61

    28

    The Naming

    given you

    my embrace,

    my word,

    my start,

    my turn,

    now its overnow I go forward.

    recessed light

    shows me better

    aches out

    from the words

    is into you reaching

    for bold,

    for passion,

    for true

    let you have that

    in absence

    go away:

    was on time

    to go on living

    someone else

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    32/61

    29

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    33/61

    30

    II

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    34/61

    31

    Generations of tutors eagle-taught:

    natures evil, willdevour what its named.

    Generations of letterationalities

    for what?

    Pretend to be awake in thought.

    Pretend to name God.Pretend the Thing has got

    a thing it names.

    Pretend child.

    Pretend us.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    35/61

    32

    The brain

    of whats realconceals me

    from my feelings.

    No one

    will ever understand

    what were feeling.

    No one

    will ever

    be here.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    36/61

    33

    Spread out in one quark-bubble

    was the whole human impulseto make love and trouble,

    to fable and travel,

    to frolic and scream,

    for which we had

    no more than a moments

    panic to dream,

    for which our one bright day,

    limitless in its want to be,

    constrained in what it was to be,

    absorbed in metamorphoses

    too encompassing to oversee,

    was enough

    topop.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    37/61

    34

    Paceshaken,

    hed tried to subduethe cruel and pounding

    flight from epoch to epoch,

    corner to corner,

    word to word,

    tried to plunge the briar

    back down into the seed,tried to trudge the tower

    back down to rock and clay,

    tried to torch the errors

    feard so haplessly

    strewn about his stay;

    but vile morality clung,passions whip clacked and stung,

    cancer ate away the hugging flesh,

    loneliness won out over every harmony;

    shouting became the timbre of love,

    jealousy the yoke of the gaze,

    demand the object of prayer,

    hatred the essence of tradeand who could ever dare

    tame that? God himself

    could only bow his head

    in shame, could only suggest

    the one constant impossible thing:

    to show the pacestricken

    what most they fear:

    the halting of all initiative,

    the undoing of all contracts,

    the collapse of every fortune,

    the end of every ceremony,

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    38/61

    35

    crowning an incapacitated I can

    with the silence of the dead messianic:

    those who arrive not,

    speak as speaking not,

    live as living not;

    those for whom time

    is already long gone;

    those who wait and accept,drenched in thieves sweat,

    a most horrible gift: existence,

    hell-bent by social destiny,

    at rest in the downfall of things,

    unified only in remembrance

    with all the distant souls

    who ever distant utteredtheir impotent, hurried Stop!

    before being lost in turn

    like everyone else

    who wanted to go further than thought

    and instead ended up

    mangled,forgotten,

    dropped.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    39/61

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    40/61

    37

    Gods of idleness and taste

    chary of the splendorous Bloomsooner strive to give their take

    than into being strive to move.

    Apportioned then by eager vow

    is the Bride of all lost things,

    the chaste and veiled old Body

    in which space beats all feeling.

    Jilted words, whittled, break in,

    sad, taciturn, with failing figure,

    passing leisurely, pouring through,

    fireflies listless in the evening coo.

    But the blessing instant remainsdistinguished from all timed fate;

    for they all remember in the Main

    the truth that never falls untrue.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    41/61

    38

    The beds all day

    my eyesshimmer frozen.

    A life of ones own

    cannot be lived.

    (To give to emotion

    all that is human,all that there is

    commotion in the abdomen,

    lucky and

    roiling.)

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    42/61

    39

    The springs arent wicked,

    the missions not insipid:out of all fallen petals

    to write the tell-tale ending

    of existence sonata yet cling;

    to sing the bulb

    into nights moon outstretch

    oer all waters down-bedding,reflect the perfect signing tone,

    uncried, unkept, supersonic.

    How easy it will be!

    to live up: each one

    impression for the motor

    fortuitynaked photosfor the heart-held hold

    blind

    in that damned eternal

    remnant of spring cold

    bellowing inside thee

    spheres, squares, surfacingto ring out

    hollow rings:

    ode,

    ambrosia,

    cantor,

    king.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    43/61

    40

    Taste of my cauterized

    thinking this eveningand Im regressing

    into speeches million-

    folded and revealing

    that destiny motioned

    forward by linking

    nature to my nature:

    gulpblinking.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    44/61

    41

    O sadness,

    revive me frommy hatred of myself,

    deliver me

    from the wasteland

    of my presence,

    give me back tothe nothing

    I so relish,

    teach me

    to accept again

    my core abandonment,

    guarantee

    one last time

    that I will go,

    and I will go, sadness,

    I will go on after you

    to love.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    45/61

    42

    thought I was so tired,

    but could not sleep;

    thought I was glad,

    but could only weep;

    thought I had nourishment,

    but bread alone could I eat;

    thought it was free,

    but no: in too deep.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    46/61

    43

    All my pain

    in my own onetomb. Loseable,

    stayed,

    unknew.

    Whereas real

    I was you

    to touch you:the truest gaze

    I drew

    between our times

    and triumphant

    scuttled

    through.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    47/61

    44

    Inside my edge:

    spoilt tissuesrusty valves

    ruin-genitals

    ghostly fluids

    brainmush stew...

    Outside:

    communicationlinks true

    verbal elevators

    you.

    No contact

    to my own

    skin

    appearance's reality

    the truth of the world:

    co-

    intrusive:

    mutinous mind,forlorn kin.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    48/61

    45

    WATCHED

    In me: the seeds

    of every speech,

    but I cant

    speak.

    Sets up erect

    mans eternaldevil-squeak:

    words squeezed

    from the Mind

    through Hell bleaker

    than all historys line

    dissolute inscripts

    from the incipittortured in the brief

    quilts anomie.

    In such night

    deprived vocation

    bereft glad images

    I was ledat deprivations last

    to Gods grave

    named at last:

    The carts now been scraped

    cross old Nagarjunas back;

    the shrill axis of accessechoes vocalless back

    the scar,

    the tired claw,

    the clogged sieve:

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    49/61

    46

    time,

    too roomy,too open,

    too black.

    So that I will lose you

    in that; but

    here,

    take it,see me

    on my knees,

    racked.

    Unclasp,

    kind demon,

    and pray.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    50/61

    47

    Nothing but nothingness,

    there is my startnowhere to go to then,

    not even to art

    though I try

    and I do not lie,

    still so collapses: my heart.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    51/61

    48

    Ghosts pull the strings,

    erase everything,make it come back streaking,

    dancing like tomorrows

    in the pastI,

    pleasant puppet,

    host of torment,

    laugh and cringe,

    singe my sorry feet on some sick songI,learning-to-live dwarf,

    critic out in motion,

    satires tired sow

    now ghost.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    52/61

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    53/61

    50

    Brim again

    sin again,give again

    in. No

    finish then:

    mourning is

    to live

    however

    grippedin nervousness

    dissuasion

    stone-lipped-

    tipped

    then again

    into this,

    fishingfor my twilight

    in your sun.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    54/61

    51

    handbleeds on the scarcest

    orifice gnawed black

    or you saw it or

    awe

    came at last

    and dying laughed

    and no morpheme

    and nothing

    past;

    your eye

    my see-through organ

    that grabbed it,off-the-wall down

    clasped it,

    sheltered me crass.

    but the final moment,

    the final friendship,

    the final,bites back.

    I'll have made no painting

    to bleed

    on your hands.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    55/61

    52

    Decays not the one

    who will work usaway.

    You can see

    the flayed limbs praying

    still in the encasement

    where language

    seems to hone a waythrough disgust

    and barely doesnt.

    I took pleasure there

    in the final time:

    the rust coronation,

    the sediment blessing.

    Took time there

    now where its all

    your day.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    56/61

    53

    A crystal note

    runs over my eyeliddetached as it is

    from my agent.

    After your eye spoke

    and heard

    the same rain

    there was no oneno more.

    The street

    gorged with them

    buckles and

    gives way.

    The crystal note

    rings,

    hopefully.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    57/61

    54

    An embroidered page

    weathered yellow by the sunshows on its black veins

    no signs of going green,

    no sign of comic age;

    seeks there a code or a cage

    where it frays,

    where it tries to namein hope or shame

    by the instep of all dust

    the standing truth:

    What trusts there

    one unique instant

    of luck or gazeaway and up, of

    not enough yellow pages

    to speak that nature.

    The desk crawls

    with people

    like a king crabto the last dusk,

    in sliced wood

    squashed and patterned

    home,

    where it warps, splits

    and pinches

    the earth.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    58/61

    55

    The care of a touch

    robs the night of its angst.

    If I

    on the silence of that edge

    dont come back,

    forgive me.

    Come with meyourself

    to that edge.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    59/61

    56

    Silent is the lonely heart

    that stumbles and crumblesand knows not to start:

    Let him then

    just come back to his art

    and be delivered

    from the grave

    hes offered in

    Let him

    be dropped

    in the middle of his thought

    Let him

    withdrawto the offering

    of his name.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    60/61

    57

    What Ive done cant last,

    what Ive shelteredpassed.

    I lay down

    in the bedrock

    of my fear.

  • 8/12/2019 Timothy Lavenz - Amniotic Dream

    61/61

    Down

    to thecage

    where

    trickles

    page:

    praiseof what might

    come in.

Embed Size (px)
Recommended