MONIKA PETRY

VEIL OF MYSTICISM

Paths to Enlightened Faith

Published by FROMM-Verlag

on 09th Nov. 2011

ISBN 978-3-8416-0236-7

– all Rights reserved –

English Translation by Monika Petry and Lawrence Sartorius

of the German Original Book:

'SCHLEIER DER MYSTIK – Wege zum Erleuchteten Glauben',

published on 7 July 2011 by FROMM-Verlag;

ISBN: 978-3-8416-0165-0

1

This is a book about the evolution of my Love for God and His Human

Beings, according to the descriptions of St. Teresa of Àvila as a Mystic and

Doctor of the Church. Mysticism originally means the lighting up of the

mystery of life, the ultimate reality we call God.

A Mystic sees itself as a long-distance walker who follows the call of God

and always moves forward in order to satisfy his longing. Through the

perfection of his consciousness in Truth and Love, he becomes one with

God. This experience makes him happy and satisfied with the Divine

Providence. His confidence is always accompanied by a passion for God

and the acceptance of life. It is a way out of darkness into the Light.

I also was longing for this all my life and walked forward steadily. I sought

God, He found me, and since I am a wanderer between Heaven and Earth. I

want to infect you with my Love for Him and the people. Now the time has

come. Let us lift the veil of mysticism.

Brief Biography:

Monika Petry, born November 1955, formerly a Protestant, clerk,

translator/ interpreter. She was an atheist for 35 years and converted to

Catholicism in 2009. Since her mystical transformation she gave over her

life completely to the Divine Providence. She is a Christian Healer and

concerned with religion and spirituality.

2

Contents

Introduction: St. Teresa of Àvila

I. Absolute Trust - Basic Trust

What does absolute Trust mean, and how do I get it?

II. Providence

Life with Providence – a Life of Joy and Devotion

Providence rather than Wish-fulfilment

What is the Reaction of your Environment, if you turn to God?

III. GOD

Who or what is God?

Who or what are We?

How do we find God?

My God, why? – When we doubt and despair

The Doubt

The Despair

IV. The Holy Spirit

Who or what is the Holy Spirit?

The Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit (Charisma)

The Twelve Fruits of the Holy Spirit

The Seven Consolations of the Holy Spirit

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V. Jesus

My Path to Jesus

Encouraging Words of Jesus for You

VI. Mary

Blessed Mother Mary

Sister Mary

VII. Enlightened Faith

The Light of God in Man

Mindfulness / Awareness / Enlightenment

Thoughts and Feelings

VIII. Prayer

The Types of Prayer

Levels of Inner Prayer

IX. Forgiveness and Liberation

Sin, Repentance and Penance

X. Healing through Faith and Prayer

The biggest Secret of Healing

4

XI. Humility

“Take me as I am” or:

My Path through the Needle's Eye

XII. From Love to Enlightenment

Love

Dolorism

Ego

Awareness

Enlightenment

XIII. Mysticism

Do we need a new Mysticism?

Nice Words from nice People: What is Mysticism?

Literature

Appendix: Transverberation

Thanks

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Introduction

St. Teresa of Àvila

Teresa Sanchez de Cepeda y Ahumada was born on 28 March 1515 in

Àvila (Northwest of Madrid, in Castilla, Spain), her father was a Jew

converted to Christianity. To avoid the accusation of heresy, he accepted a

peerage. Teresa enjoyed a strict upbringing. For fear of marriage, she

finally came in 1535 into the Order of Carmelites in Àvila. Her health

deteriorated steadily, until she lay in a coma a year later and was buried

almost alive. During her three years of convalescence, she had the first

mystical vision. The more she grew in her spirituality, her condition

became better. Through many trials, Teresa found her way to God and

perfected her worship of Him. Her friendly nature, her natural authority and

her female wisdom helped her along the path to her own monastery of the

Discalced Carmelite Foundation, a more severe form of the Order. Other

convents of monks and nuns followed, overall, it was to amount to

seventeen convents.

Teresa's life was a ceaseless development of intellectual maturity and inner

strength, at the end revealing the mysteries of the Trinity, and she

eventually found her Soul within the mystical marriage, the perfect union

with God, her true peace. Teresa died on 4 October 1582. She left behind

numerous works: more than 400 letters, poems, documents for the

Inquisition about the trials of her confessors and the monastic foundations

and the spiritual gifts of her mystical experiences. She described her

maturation process of contemplation, transformation and enlightenment in

her books “Way of Perfection”, “Book of my Life” and “The Interior

Castle”.

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The mystique of this woman is an expression of absolute and unconditional

Love for God and Man; humble and grateful joy. Her devotion to God was

marked not only by this great Love, but characterized by an infinite trust

and the willingness to everything, absolutely everything to accept what

God had intended for her, always knowing that God meant well and had

transformed her from a rough to a dazzling diamond.

As had Saint John of the Cross and Saint Padre Pio, Teresa also

experienced the Transverberation, the transfixion of her heart. This event is

presented in the Appendix of this book. Teresa described it with great

sensuality. Her choice of words and the presentation of the transfixion of

her heart by the sculptor Lorenzo Bernini in a beautiful marble sculpture,

had left the impression that it was Teresa's way of expressing her eroticism.

It was the finale of her Divine heart opening, which she experienced

physically and mentally. On 4 July 1585 her coffin was opened – she was

found to be undecayed. In 1614 followed her Beatification by the Catholic

Church, and on 12 March 1622, her Canonization. Pope Paul VI. appointed

her on 27 September 1970 to Doctor of the Church.

*

I went over to Teresa of Àvila via Edith Stein, because on a large portrait of

Edith Stein something fascinated me that I had watched only for a short

time upon myself, a dark dot on the forehead above the nose. It was after

my own Catholic Confirmation in June 2009, when the Holy Spirit came

with great effect upon me. This Confirmation was a mystical experience,

which I reflected on that day in a strong dazedness and the even stronger

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desire for quietness. During the next three days and nights a great change

happened within me. In retrospect, since that day everything became

different.

In the next few days, this impression was also visible externally by two

vertical red lines on my forehead. They appeared whenever I connected

with God, through prayers for others and for myself every day. These lines

became stronger, as well as the Holy Spirit restructured and refined His

grace that He had given me. I was informed by a former healing client of

the change on my forehead. For almost two months she came every day

and therefore had the opportunity to watch my progress. “Again there are

those lines on your forehead,” she often said after her treatment. It

reminded me of the Book of Revelation: “And they shall see His face, and

His name shall be on their foreheads.” (Rev.22, 4)

One afternoon I visited the St. Mary's Church in Bad Bergzabern to find

rest and recharge. There was a large picture of Edith Stein. I stood before

her and spoke to her. It took not long time and she began to glow, just as

the Virgin Mary is lit, when I am talking to her. So now I had become

acquainted with Edith Stein, and thus I was interested in this woman and

her story. I read some of it, but at that time it became too difficult to pursue

at this stage in my life.

Edith Stein died on 9 August 1942 in Auschwitz-Birkenau. Pope John Paul

II blessed her in 1987 and Canonized her in 1998. “Blessed are they which

came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes and made them

white in the blood of the Lamb” (Rev. 7:14). With these words Pope John

Paul II began his oration at the Beatification of Edith Stein in Cologne

1987.

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Edith Stein thus led me to her great Teacher and her role model: Teresa of

Àvila. When I read of her, I was captivated by her, and that has not changed

since. Teresa of Àvila had herself become one with God. She gave herself

entirely to be recreated by God. She was at the end to become a Being that

had refined and deified the Human condition to the highest possible level.

This is a state of being that is accessible to all of us Humans on Earth. It is

the proverbial Heaven on Earth.

From the worldly point of view considered, Teresa is through and through a

true woman, an enlightened woman. She was strong, intelligent, humorous,

sensual, passionate and devoted. Somehow I found myself in her: Every-

thing and nothing, never based on the opinion of others, but always at the

top, first and foremost, kind of involuntary, vaguely driven by my own

inner strength as well as the strength of people with their Soul I am

combined; nevertheless in absolute loyalty and devotion and humility

before the One composing all my life: God.

I was fascinated over Teresa's writings! I then found the courage to live

even today with a strong, powerful, dedicated, passionate and joyful

spirituality, and to confess to my own mysticism. Now I find that I want to

serve my fellow Man with my Love for the Infinite Love of God.

*

“Get to make me as lovely as possible to others.

I do not want to be a Saint – living with that

would be so hard – but to become an old curmudgeon

would instead be the crowning work of the Devil.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

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I.

Absolute Trust – Basic Trust

What does absolute Trust mean, and how do I get it?

The universal, irrevocable and indestructible trust is the basic confidence of

all persons, endowed by our Creator within our brain stem. It is the

willingness of a Human’s innate devotion to his Creator and to his fellow

men identified as brothers. However, we have the basic trust to be activated

in our consciousness by mental awareness – in contrast to the primal

instinct laid down in the subconscious. It is closely related to the energy of

life, the affirmation of life and sexual power. An energetic, powerful person

who enjoys life and always says yes to life, has the basic confidence. If this

basic trust is not given, the primal energy of life and the affirmation of life

are missing, and he must always take from the outside and others the power

to live.

The activation of basic trust is according to the in-depth psychology given

during the first year of a child. In my experience, the seed is placed for this

already in procreation: A welcomed baby begotten in deep Love and

devotion will always be a beloved child. Within this Love there is often a

year-long yearning for a child and the boundless joy when the woman is

finally pregnant. These feelings of longing, joy and Love are the energies

that are never dissolving, they remain stored in the hearts of the parents and

are transmitted to their child; this will be able to trust and love during all its

life, because that trust and Love is dwelling in itself. Therefore, this

confidence is irrevocable and indestructible. It may be shaken by a strong

disappointment in the short term – but it will never be extinguished!

Because it is always nourished by the Love of God, and this Love of God

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takes us through all difficulties as His consolations handle any

disappointment, allowing us to forgive and forget.

An 'accident' of parenthood will never know this deep Love, of course,

even though it may also be loved, but it is another form that does not

include those seeds of basic trust. My message to all those good “random

products” of parenthood: God has willed that you were conceived! He has

brought together your parents. You are inscribed in the Book of Life of

your mother and your father. Even if you were not planned: In their

subconscious hidden depths, your parents knew it.

If that was not quite enough to instill the basic trust, you can still learn and

practice it at any age. Perhaps you may never lose your distrust completely,

but eventually it might prevent you from any stupidities.

The best way to learn deep confidence is by believing in God. You can trust

Him unconditionally. Then you can believe in yourself, and gradually open

yourself to other faithful people. You then gain the confidence that these

people are serious about you and you will never be cheated by them. Of

course it applies to all people: They may come and go in our life. If you

have a tendency to cling to them, there is no fault if that person decides for

good reason to leave you. Trust means giving others the freedom to live

their own life. There can be only so much overlap with another as God

intended it for you both and how you may need it to last in order to develop

together.

Look confidently into the future, even if your life situation is uncertain. Do

believe in God, then you know that this will help, you can then safely jump

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into the cold water. This is life within Providence. Surrender to the power

of life and to say:

– “Maybe I'm at a turning point in life.”

– “Maybe I should lose this job because somewhere

a better one is waiting for me.”

– “Maybe I should go through with this disease,

in order to learn from it and grow in my life.”

– “Maybe I should ask for nothing, but just let

Providence make it happen!”

“So you simply let yourself drift like this and not even make a decision?”,

I'm sometimes asked. No, I do not let myself drift. Quite the contrary; I live

mindfully, attentively, aware, empathetic and gazing intensely focused on

everything I do and others do around me. I watch, open myself, admit,

surrender; I trust and know it's good, everything is in Divine Order. That's

the freedom which I mean.

Once a person engages in his own life path, he is closing his great Book of

Life written by God, and opens his own where he can romp with free will,

that God has also made available to him. This becomes the Book of

Detours. He may be free to undertake countless detours, no question. But it

is not his life. Of course we may make decisions and draw conclusions, we

can even turn the world upside down and begin each day as if it were the

first day of our lives. The main thing is that we remain united to God, and

to know our true Book of Life. We also assume the responsibility to do so

and we must therefore take it on whole-heartedly.

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Imagine: God knows every hair on your head – so He already knows the

next step in your life. He knows your next Boss, your next home, your life

partner, and He knows who your child is to be. “He looked at everything

He had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31). And you

know: The Creation has never been completed. God creates in every day of

our lives. He therefore takes a second look at everything that He has

created and He will always find everything to be good and correct.

Provided we bring Him what we have received from Him, constantly

present, so to speak, for inspection. “Look after that, does it still fit with my

current life or do we have to change something about it?” Let the energies

flow constantly, so that everything may adopt to your life, and never make

the mistake of being lazy and think: “Now, everything will stay the way it

is.” This is a dangerous illusion. Just as every cell in our body is constantly

changing, so, too, everything around us must change and adjust. This is

God’s will and care for as long as we allow Him to work with us, because

He has already completed our major network of life long ago and updates it

constantly. So it is important not to rely too much on the advice of our

friends and acquaintances or of the many professional life advisors.

I've also accompanied many people. Here I always try to make sure not to

directly alter their actions when they are seeking help. The solving and

goal-oriented support designated as 'coaching' is ideal. Here I address my-

self to your Soul. What does your Soul need, wherever does it take your

heart? This is telling me your subconscious, and I help you to perceive the

messages of your Soul, to respect and implement your wishes into reality.

You see it in nature: When Man intervenes, the climate goes out of balance.

Or if he is deleting an animal species, that can have a huge impact on the

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entire animal kingdom. The farmer spraying his fields to keep out the

weeds, is killing off the wild plants that serve as food for the insects, and

then the birds stay away, and so on. Once we begin to enforce things with

our own mind without being connected to God, we not only bring ourselves

out of balance, but also our environment because we are not isolated

Beings.

This carries over to our immediate environment and makes more and more

circles. When deciding on a new job, you are influencing your entire fami-

ly, and, so to speak, you are re-mixing the cards for your future and the

future of your family, your friends, your colleagues and in turn their future

– and so it goes on endlessly. Rely on your inner voice that comes from

God, and be ready for everything to come. He knows your Life’s Plan, one

in which not only you are involved but all other people.

Providing that you are not stuck in a time warp and may repeat your life

over and over like the actor in the movie “Groundhog Day”, experiencing

every day the same scene over and over again until he becomes, through

his self-education a better person, and finally one morning reaches a totally

new scene, so it will depend on you how you will come back to your Book

of Life. Here it will be written that you will meet on any given day a certain

person or a new job, which will lead your life in a determined direction.

These events are already waiting for you.

Which particular people did God probably write into your Book of Life?

Think about situations that were somehow special, where you felt: now

God has just laid the groundwork for a major new phase of my life. When

you first met your life’s Partner, for example, you probably felt you were

not just waiting simply for any Human that might come along, but for this

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particular person, this special Soul. You have your whole life long sought

each other unconsciously, until now you have found each other.

What was your age when the most important people in your life came to

you or when your life changed? There is the well-known Rhythm of Seven

in our lives, that is, certain periods which can be divided into the Seven

Ages of life, where major changes will come to you. Each of those stages

of life can be coupled with a certain period:

0 – 7: Toddler

7 – 14: Child

14 – 21: Puberty / education

21 – 28: Study / family planning / career

28 – 35: Profession / career / family

35 – 42: Established profession

42 – 49: Additional cultural activities

49 – 56: Rearranging life to a new phase

56 – 63: Reaping the seeds of life

63 – 70: Retirement / Becoming wise and at ease

The rest depends on how you have imagined your life. If you were talking

constantly of a retirement coming at the age of 65 years, it will very soon

be upon you, as you will have become used to this way of thinking. If you

were thinking: “I will die soon”, that will also soon become the case. You

will be constantly living as if you were already dead. If on the other hand

you take life in a relaxed way, you may reach a hundred years of age. In our

Book of Life the final day of our life is already written down. We can

determine through our thoughts how we achieve it, whether we feel young

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or old and used, whether we stay healthy or ill. For these life stages the

course and the cornerstones are set.

Of course we can ourselves make our own choice! Providing we always

remember that we are composed of a combination of Body, Mind and Soul,

everything is fine. Then the Mind is bringing forth nothing he has not

already discussed with the Soul. And the Soul is united with God. Ideally,

you are one with Jesus Christ. Ideally, the Holy Spirit is hovering above

you. As long as this ideal situation has not occurred, your Soul will

demonstrate this to you through so-called tragedies, bad luck, or by disease.

Then you will again be given a chance to find God and also to be found by

Him. You have the chance to find Jesus and Mary – God is very resourceful

when it comes to sending you His helpers. Maybe I'm your helper with this

book.

Now we come back to the people in your Life’s Book. After all, some of

these are the Divine helpers. In my Book of Life, there are some important

helpers. By a helper I mean a person who helps us in a positive way. Some

also help by simply doing nothing so that we are encouraged to rely on

ourselves. However, there are also people who are shaking us up, who are

hurting us at first glance, what – in retrospective – has put us back on track.

So they are indeed helpers, even though they are people to whom we do not

like to look back upon and whom we also have to forgive in order to get

ahead. These helpers are not written in our Book of Life. They are in the

“auxiliary books,” which we wrote for possible detours. They nevertheless

are helping us back on to track in our Book of Life.

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Think about who caused harm to you very much in your life, and who has

really hurt you. What did result from that, and how has it in effect changed

your life?

Many people have one major upheaval in their lives. This is usually caused

by a disease or affliction which can significantly change your life. In my

own experience, after having made many consultations, this usually hap-

pens between the 42nd and 49th years of age – and then it is often your last

warning. So it was with me. I was 48 years old when I had strained the

patience of God to the point where He gave me a serious lesson. My then

14 years old daughter and I lived together with our seven years old dog, a

cheerful and clever Border Collie named Timmi, and to this dog I owe my

life now. He sacrificed his life for me.

More of this tragedy I will not enlarge upon, but it is enough to understand

why it happened: I was not following my true Road of Life, nor did I not

have my plan of Salvation in sight. This was because at a young age I had

banished God from my life, on the assumption that He had sent me too

many disasters in my family, too many losses through their having all died

or moved away. And the worst thing was: I somehow felt guilty for this,

knowing that with my energy there was something wrong. I presumed that I

was perhaps adversely affecting those around me by constantly giving out

too much. Not in terms of the physical strength of my body, but an energy

that you cannot easily identify, which is felt internally and constantly

bubbling inside like a volcano. I just knew that I seemed to attract people

who had not long to live, people of all ages.

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Anyone who begins life with a near-death experience, finds a deep imprint

of God. So it was with my birth. God showed me on a Sunday afternoon,

exactly at 3 pm, at the time of St. Mary, His light and carried me back into

life which my parents and the midwife were fighting for at home and the

rest of my family was praying in church. This Light, which at that time I

did not consciously experience, but which is deeply imprinted in my sub-

conscious, I searched for all my life and found it again at my Catholic

Confirmation. The Holy Spirit enlightened me again, and it was all up with

me.

Perhaps this profound experience at birth was also the reason that when I

was a young child I was considered as something as a prodigy in the

matters of God and the Gospel. Mind you, as a Protestant child prodigy, as

I was born into my Father's Protestant household. It was thanks to my

Catholic Mother's family, that the Angels and Saints were integrated into

my life. But where did my strength in the Bible come from? There was not

a Bible passage that I did not know and could not quote, and of which each

was cross-referenced with the Author and Chapter. As a result I put quite a

stress on my religious Teachers and Priests, as I also wanted to learn more

about every reference and also to constantly discuss it.

Already by that time I knew that this could not be the answer to everything,

I was always aware that there had to be something more. I read and studied

and discussed, but no one spoke of the Love of God, and so no one reached

my heart. This carried on up to my Protestant Confirmation at the age of

thirteen, – the priest handed me the Bread and the Wine – and somehow it

was over. The Holy Spirit had not ignited the great flame within me, but

left it as the small smoldering flame burning within me since birth. The

Holy Spirit preferred to wait for a later time in the knowledge that I must

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meanwhile undertake my “life experiences” on my own. Self-employed,

alone, yet seeming to be knowing everything and capable of everything,

with a big mouth and waving too many flags through life's path and leaving

not a few traces of devastation behind me. Not many people did stand it!

*

“I'm just a wretched woman.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

So I walked through life for further 35 years without God, full of

confidence in myself – I always had the basic trust that I have mentioned in

the beginning. God was certainly there, but I did not overly concern myself

with Him. I had also always been fortunate. Of course it was not just luck,

it was the Providence of God, coupled with my own skills that I worked

within major German companies – I experienced their upheavals – and in

between I emigrated once to Paris and a second time to Brittany, but only to

return to Germany each time after a year recognising that French people

also put their pants in the same way and in Germany I could always find

better work.

This further trend continued: Wherever I went, I met people and situations

that were in a transition stage or on the verge of difficulties. God made it

impossible to just settle down somewhere comfortably. I constantly found

myself in a transitional situation, and became the expert in crisis manage-

ment in every respect. When anyone needed to know what to do next, I

came into my peak performance.

19

Seven years ago, time had come, my fate had struck. Before the turn a

challenge happened I had never known before: I had to forgive the man

who had caused the biggest crisis of my life in killing Timmi, our dog.

Gradually I succeeded. God allowed me to recognize and accept my own

responsibility. So I could remove that resentment from my Soul. So I pre-

pared the way for the people who felt my strength and lead me into the

right direction. I became clear of that which is within me. I realized it was

God, although not entirely, but I knew: That's not me that was healing

people, removing through prayer the curses on homes or diverting storms

and doing other seemingly inexplicable things – that was God.

My first effective Lord's Prayer I did alongside a woman who also had

much infusion of the Holy Spirit. She was often asked to help when people,

animals and possessions were under a curse, as evidenced by their experi-

ences of recurrent disaster. At that time I found myself close by her when a

telephone call came to her from a family calling for help: their barn was on

fire!

She said: “Monika, come, we shall pray together”. I did not ask why and

did not hesitate, so I sat down beside her and prayed the Lord's Prayer for

the first time in 35 years. Again, and then a third time, and I still remember

that there was a great power rising within me and the attendant feeling of

compassion – not only with this woman who had just included me, prob-

ably knowing that God had brought me these seeds to germinate and which

were about to sprout, but even with these suffering people and their animals

in mortal danger. After an hour, the situation had calmed down and

resolved itself. The firefighters had done their bit, and the Fire-devil had

been defeated by God – we were sure!

20

“That's it?” I thought at the time. “Just pray the Lord's Prayer? I can! If

there is no more that can be done, I still can!” At that time there was no

more that could be done but to pray. Even today there is nothing more

valuable than praying. It's the same for all situations at any level, although

for me there has also been a great Love story with God between then and

now.

*

“If I had known earlier

that the tiny palace of my Soul

is housing such a great King,

I would not have left Him alone so often.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

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II.

Providence

John 1:1,14 “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God

and the Word of God ... And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us,

and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten Son of God the

Father, full of grace and truth.” First there was silence. Jesus Christ existed

first as a thought of God and His Word in His providence, in His plan.

When the time was ripe, the word became flesh, and Jesus came as our

Savior on Earth. Salvation means enlightenment. Through Him we can let

God's Light shine through us and be a Light of God ourselves.

As we ourselves also were starting in the silence of God in His Word and

His thought, so we go into the silence, and then create with our thoughts

and our words anew. We are the creator and sustainer of our health. Our

destructive thoughts can make our body become diseased. They can lead to

a destructive life. On the other hand our loving, forward-looking thoughts

can create a life of health and dignity. Love creates Love. It is entirely up to

ourselves, what we make of our lives. If we have not grasped the meaning

of life, we will have to suffer it. The meaning of suffering is to suffer. It

comes not from God. He has our plan within a grid placed in His hand.

The core of all created existence is made up of His Light and His Love.

God is joy and abundance – for all of time. We may well already enjoy in

this life His gifts, for only in this moment we are living consciously. The

past is gone, the future is before us, only in the present exists the

awareness, mindfulness, and only in the present now can we live

consciously and responsibly.

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Why has God given us this beautiful Planet Earth, if not for this life in the

here and now? So that we should use it. We have to ensure the preservation

of the Earth. We must also pay attention to develop ourselves with His gifts

and not to abuse them in an otherwise superficial life. We live with the

Body, Mind and Soul in this life in the here and now. Just as we wish it to

be. If we are completely at one with God and are also aware of it, we can

leave our thoughts and actions in turn wholly to Him, to live in certainty,

according to God's design in Love and abundance.

That comes through His preeminent Grace and with the cooperation of the

free will of rational creatures, as the term 'Providence' is described accord-

ing to 'Wikipedia': “A higher power that influences the fate of people and

the course of world history.” – “Providence is the almighty and omniscient

God, inasmuch as He in His advanced awareness is correcting the World’s

events and saving those from their own destructive actions. This can be

done in several ways: according to the Laws of Nature, through miracles,

through His preeminent Grace, through involvement with the free-will of

rational creatures, or by admitting our sins, but this excludes any of His

direct involvement...”

It was Divine Providence that brought me to the historic town of Lim-

burg/Lahn. I pursued this goal without question, just knowing that it had to

be! I had become aware in the year of 2008, that my life would continue to

decline significantly. By September 2008 I felt impelled to move to

Limburg on the River Lahn.

In the later Chapter entitled 'Blessed Mother Mary', I describe how I had

found the house in Limburg. It was so easy, I was led up to it. Two minutes

after praying to Mother Mary in the Cathedral of Limburg, I found myself

23

standing in front of the house in the little narrow street leading to the

Cathedral, and in November I moved there. I had hardly brought with me

any furniture, which was good thing as I could not have fitted more into

this small and narrow 550 year old half-timbered house with its three floors

leading up from a narrow twisting stairway. I had instead brought with me

my many statues of the Saints, and the house itself radiated a sacred

spiritual atmosphere.

This was to be the best event for me at the time, because it led me on a path

straight to God. I soon was to visit Him in the Cathedral, even several times

a day. Not only during religious Services but also the times in between.

This great Catholic temple attracted me like magic. There were moments

when I could feel the energy pulling me up the Cathedral hill, day and

night. God pulled me there, He wanted me in 'His Church'!

In 2008 I spent a wonderful Christmas and New Year's Eve involved in the

ceremonies of the Cathedral. In January 2009, I experienced the first Ponti-

fical Mass, and within that Mass it came to me: In the liturgy I sensed a

major spiritual force, I saw with my eyes closed a deep purple, indicating

the highest spirituality, the prayers went through and through me, and the

Cathedral Choir sang with an almost unbearable beauty.

And then, from an unexpected source, God sent forth me a helper,

Johannes, with whom I had a Platonic friendship. His life at that point had

not gone as planned, and when he phoned me from Berlin and told me that

he was not happy, my answer was: “Come to Limburg!” The next day he

was there and was to share my new home for a considerable period.

24

In previous times I had taught Johannes the virtues of trusting in God. He

was well versed in this thinking as he comes from a very Catholic family

which included two priests. Actually, Johannes had also wanted to be a

priest, and had practiced for this as a child in his sandbox busily distri-

buting home baked communion wafers to the delighted neighbourhood

women. However, in later life he preferred the boardwalks of the world to

an altar in the church. Well, that time was now over – and I reminded him

with my newly found passion for God and the Church of his own past as a

Catholic. Now it was his turn to teach me something, and he did.

“So you want to be Catholic?”, he laughed, “then we will practice.” He

took out a prayer book and began teaching:. “Hail Mary, full of grace, Thou

art Blessed among women ...” – “What does it mean?” I asked, “I don’t

know those words and will never be able to learn!”

No, that had not inspired me, I felt I wanted something more. Johannes

went with me to worship in the Cathedral. I wanted to sit down but he fold

down the foot bench, at least I did consider as such, and ordered: “Kneel

down!” I did it, oh, and it hurt. “This is too hard, I cannot,” I protested. ”If

you want to be Catholic, you have to kneel,” was his comment. And he

pressed me down off the kneeling bench. So I knelt and murmured to

myself, “I had thought it might be different from this.”

During the Mass, I was compensated. Now Johannes paid attention that I

was behaving like a Catholic. Getting up, then sitting down, getting up

again, kneeling, singing, praying, kneeling again, a very sensual experi-

ence. It was not boring: there was a lot of movement, the fragrant incense,

the beautiful impressions derived from the organ music and the choir and

the priests who looked so well in their colourful and beautiful robes. I

25

learned that not only does one become a Catholic with one’s Body, Mind

and Soul, but also with much Love in the heart!

I soon found that I wanted to be truly Catholic and belong to the Church!

And above all I wanted finally go to Communion. And so I made an ap-

pointment in the Priest's Office, had some preliminary meetings, and on 25

June 2009 I had achieved my first milestone: my Communion. Johannes

was to be my religious Godfather. He still raves about how “his hair stood

on end” by the force and energy that the Holy Spirit was pouring out on us

by the highly gifted Priest blessing me.

When I was finally confirmed, it all really then started for me. Every

church in the parish of “St. George” was to become my church. At a rough

estimate, I visited during the following year about seven hundred church

services, on average two times a day: the daily Morning Mass, the Mass for

women, the Evening Masses during the week, and the Friday evening

ecumenical Worship Service – this I soon gave up because of the missing

passion – even the final blessing was not strong enough. On the other hand

every two weeks there was the Mass in the Latin Rite, which touched me

very deeply. “The Soul remembers,” writes the Pope. Yes, my Soul remem-

bered very well, and first of all, I was so touched by this kind of celebration

that it almost tore my insides apart. Maybe it was because of the wonderful

officiating Priest, for his morning worship services in the Cathedral had the

same effect. As soon as he was there, Jesus was there, and this time I had a

very intense period of repentance that I had left Him and the Church alone

for such a long time.

On the weekends I attended the Vigil Mass on Saturday and the High Mass

as well as the evening Mass on Sunday. It all was adding up! In between

26

the Vespers and the Devotion of the Blessed Sacrament and the Rosary and

Stations of the Cross, and once a month, there was also the Marian Mass in

a small chapel in the Westerwald, which lasted up to four hours. Here, the

Priest blesses everyone with a small Monstrance – that was something very

special to me! (For all non-Catholics: A “Monstrance” (monstrare – “to

show”) is a precious liturgical display device with a window area in which

a consecrated wafer is exposed to reverence and worship, crafted with gold

and precious stones).

I could not get enough. The Catholic life captivated me, and I wondered

what was happening to me. I took on a complete internal transformation,

with sin, repentance, atonement, penance, forgiveness, and my innermost

Soul turned inside out and also inwards. Whereby I was not to forget the

joy! Likewise, my at that time still present inclinations towards the theat-

rics and passion I could completely unfold. “Johannes! How nice it was

once again! The organ, the music, the choir!” Such were my feelings when

I came home on Sunday noontimes after a Mass in the Cathedral. Some-

times I became totally withdrawn into myself and even unresponsive to

others, because I was still thinking over the meaning of the sermon.

I will never forget my first adoration and blessing of the Monstrance: I was

completely dissolved in tears, sobbing, shaking, trembling, I thought my

last hour had come. When I eventually succeeded in making the short way

home, I was not able to speak about it. It took a double brandy with

Johannes to completely to calm me down and to control myself. Now I

realise that my Soul had seen God and had gone totally out of control.

These conditions were repeated at every sight of the Monstrance, and only

abated slowly with time. It was a state of ecstasy, as Saint Teresa of Àvila

described in her book, “The Interior Castle.” However, we must be aware

27

that ecstasy is not always a happy state, it can also at times be the absolute

opposite.

Even when the period of euphoria was over and I could think clearly again,

my newly found passion for the Catholic being remained. I may have at

times criticized it and wanted to change much, even sometimes wishing to

give it all up because things did not move forward fast enough, or even

thinking I may be in the wrong place! Around Pentecost 2010 I stayed

completely away from the Church for five weeks, in order to check out

what would last.

And I realized that everything remained the same. I was also becaming

aware that I was being led through the Love for the Infinite Love that was

growing inside me – the Church as an institution did not influence it.

Nevertheless, deep down I felt I had always maintained my Love for this

great institution. I felt full of humility and gratitude that they had accepted

me, an outsider, with such open arms. I now firmly hold that the Church –

I am speaking now of the universal Church of God, not only of the Catholic

Church, although I personally prefer the Catholic Church – was created by

God / the Holy Spirit and is still under His protection, otherwise they

would not have survived the past 2,000 years.

*

“If there are many Mansions in Heaven,

there are also many ways to get there.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

28

Life with Providence - a Life of Joy and Devotion

The devotion to God makes me happy. That joy comes from my heart, it is

the joy of the faithful. Look at the true believers more precisely: We radiate

inwardly. We may have as many wrinkles as everyone else, but that does

not matter. We send out a Light, and it is the Divine Light. The greater the

spirituality – by that I mean the faith lived – the greater the perceived and

lived joy.

Sometimes it can be almost unbearable for others to put up with, that I

admit. However, I can also hardly bear to see the discontent around me.

The shallowness of society that lives only for its fun and entertainment has

long since proven a scourge to Mankind. This shallowness of being comes

over those who have no connection to God. In the not too distant future it

may all collapse and not be sustained.

The Czech writer Milan Kundera wrote about the excesses of those people

turned away from God, in a good book: “The Unbearable Lightness of

Being”, which was also made into a film. In this novel, Tomas falls in Love

with Teresa, who is serious in her feelings towards him, but Tomas has

nothing better to do than to escape into infidelity and other worldly

distractions. Then everything disintegrates and somehow they both die.

Life in the Love of God can surely be called as '”he Lightness of Being”.

Everything becomes simple, everything becomes easier. Even the toughest

trials of life and the most difficult parts of it are bearable with God on our

side and with Jesus Christ in our heart.

29

As long as I say no to God, I am limiting myself. In this limitation I am not

giving God the permission to give me what He wishes to give me. And as

long as I do not feel good enough within one field it is influencing all

others. This feeling of “not being good enough” is based on a lack of self-

Love: “I am not enough, so I am not worthy of it all.”

If I say yes to God, I then find myself in the vastness of an open space in

which everything happens. To say yes to God, is to accept everything He

provides. I open myself for all that He wants to give me. This is the fullness

we may live in. However, the more I may have in material possessions, the

less I need. If I do not live in sense of lack, I am happy with a few things.

How glad I am not dependant on material possessions. I may depend on

other Human Beings, but I never want to make anyone dependent on me.

This means the opposite: the claim of ownership, the need of possession,

the greed. No, I feel myself as being enough, I rest content within myself. I

have a relationship with God. It can never be that God will give us what we

do not need. God is Love, and so He gives us Love. He gives us Joy, He

gives us Peace. We can be sure it is exactly the right moment He is caring

for us. Because – as I said above – God saw that it was good. God knows

our true path of Salvation, He has our “Book of Life”; so He becomes the

Stage Director, He knows how it should continue onwards. That is my

conviction.

*

“God will not grow tired of giving

and His mercies are infinite.

Let us not become tired of receiving.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

30

Providence rather than Wish-fulfilment

There is a new science in the great arena of Esoteric: the wish-fulfilment.

The intent was certainly meant well, but what people made of it was a new

kind of life of consumption: Now they are usually in a position to satisfy

their material needs. My house, my car, my boat – will now be imagined

and materialized, and new consumer goods are always being added.

Everything created according to the original secrets of visualizing one’s

wishes! They then call it luck and success.

The only mistake is that this materialization has nothing to do with our

liberation. Quite the opposite: it is counterproductive. We sought to create

the luck to find the wealth within ourselves and what was it? The new

garbage of prosperity that clogs us from outside, preventing our self-

fulfilment of the Divine within.

God – the Providence – has already created the wealth. When Jesus says,

“Thou fool, this night thy Soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall

those things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that layeth up treasure

for himself, and is not rich toward God” (Luke 12.20-21), He meant the

wealth of Love, of health, of inner peace, and it has nothing to do with all

the material possessions. Providence brings us even our income. Do not

worry, God knows the needs of our daily bread, and that includes not only

the daily Communion with the Body of Jesus, but also the cost of our

worldly life, and all that He cares for. In principle He is not interested in

providing us with the accumulation of material things, because that blocks

out our essential life and keeps us away from His Love.

31

You do not need now to resolve to give away your collection of antiques,

but it's good to think about it. As long as the preservation of old values is

important, there is certainly no objection to that. But if the collecting mania

becomes rampant, it can take on dramatic excesses, which I myself have

often observed and it has puzzled and worried me.

Let the energy flow in your life constantly. If you are blocked on one side

by a passion for collecting, you should ensure that there still remains a

healthy circulation of energy and you will not lose the joy of life.

Otherwise, you bury yourself.

*

“Those who can not enjoy,

become unbearable.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

32

How does your Environment react, if you turn to God?

You are not taken seriously anymore – as well as that, no one can really

comprehend. This is just a too high level for them! And your ascent to God

was probably made too quickly for them, and in the beginning they will try

to find out how serious you are. Once they understand your commitment,

they will tend to turn away from you – they become uninterested.

“Honestly,” they say, “do you really want to say that you do not want to

have any part in worldly life?” No one can imagine that you do not need it.

Nobody understands that you have a much greater wealth than you've ever

had in money, and that God is for you your first place partner, and that any

pos-sible life partner must then also qualify with a Love for God. “I cannot

be with anyone with whom I can not talk about God,” wrote Teresa of

Àvila. For me also, there is no other way.

Then there are those who are acting as if they were on the same wave

length as you. They speak of God as if they had experienced anything of

significance in their lives. They appear to be Bible readers and accompany

you to church, so they may have some influence with you. But you feel it's

not genuine. There are always some points they are bringing up against the

Church, they complain about the money the Church is taking in, the

scandals within the Church, as if the world had none of its own.

Does this concern you – you personally on your way to God, in your Love

for God? No! You may also get an earful of offenses listed against God,

listen to dumb jokes about Jesus or the like. This you quickly come to dis-

like, because it hurts you personally in your Soul. You also may have the

problem of getting your required time for prayer and retreat, because your

friends do not understand that you are no longer available every day for

33

hours of phone calls and you are no longer interested in the problems of the

“world”. You know them, because you have still your thinking mind. But

you know there is nothing to be gained by searching outside and nothing to

do. You can only find it in your heart.

Love does not mean to say “Yes and Amen” to everybody. It also needs

sometimes to be saying “No”. Separate yourself from people who want to

suck in your energies, consciously or unconsciously, and protect yourself

from negative outside energies. All that belongs to it. Because God gives us

obligations but also rights. And that includes the right of integrity of our

Soul and that of our loved ones.

I suggest to apply once a week the method I call “The Needle's Eye”, which

I describe in the later chapters. Give God everything, and wait for what He

gives you back. What you do not need any more, will not come back. For

this you will from now on only meet those people that belong to you. We

have all the time. But the world needs to have no more time wasted, to

make it a better place.

*

“There is something very great,

in having a free heart and a quiet conscience.“

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

34

III.

GOD

Who or what is God?

God is our Father in Heaven and on Earth

Heaven and Earth means to us this world we live in, and the afterlife in

which God the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and all the Angels and

Saints live. Yet Heaven and Earth, the physical and the spiritual, is in every

Human Being. So we can say: God is in us, and He is outside of us. He

ignites in us the Love and Light, and He is outside the indescribable Love

and the overwhelming Light.

Teresa of Àvila wrote in her book: “The Interior Castle, 7th Apartment”:

“For as He has His abode in Heaven, so He probably has a place in the

Soul, where only His Majesty dwells, so to speak, a second Heaven.”

Teresa was very clever. There is God in the sky above us, so there's also the

equivalent in Man, in his Soul. 450 years ago Teresa risked to burn for this

doctrine openly on the stake – today people see their God, if they have a

God, enthroned in Heaven somewhere far above. Poor world!

God is transpersonal

God is in every form, the smallest atom and the Universe's largest, at the

same time He is formless. We must not make any images of Him, as He is

outside of any form. Form means incarnation, God is everything outside of

each incarnation. He is nothing of form, He is the emptiness outside the

form. Since any emptiness is existing, this is all God. God is the silence,

because only in this silence God is tangible and audible. Therefore, it is so

important to make churches again to places of silence.

35

God is personal

God is incarnated in Jesus Christ, His Son. Jesus is the form of God, His

Word became flesh. In Jesus Christ, the Anointed One, He became apparent

to the people and sent His Son for Salvation of all of us.

God speaks to us through the Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit is the Word of God and the giver of life. Originally, the

Word of God was received through the Prophets and Evangelists and

written down in the Book of Books, the Holy Bible.

God is with us by His Heavenly Helpers

To the Heavenly Helpers of God we count all blessed and sanctified, the

Archangels and a large hierarchy of Angels with all the dead who have

found God.

Many people see Mother Mary as His principal assistant. For He made Her

the Mother of His Son Jesus, and without Mary everything is only as half

as beautiful.

36

Who or what are We?

We are the visible evidence of the presence of God on Earth. Our primal

substance comes from God. It is said that God created Man in His own

image. Since God has no form, we are in Spirit formless and shapeless. We

are not our bodies, we are not our thoughts and our feelings. We are truly of

Spirit. Because we, too, have the Divine in us, in our Self, our true Self,

which rises above our body and our thoughts and feelings. When we ask:

“Who am I?”, we are the questioner and not the one for which we ask. We

are pure Divine consciousness. Let's call it simply 'Divine' Soul'. If our

Divine Soul unites with God, then we are One with God, and this is the

greatest of all mysteries, because this can take place here on Earth. Jesus

speaks of this mystery in His metaphors and parables, because 2000 years

ago, He was not allowed to reveal it to the people because they were still

not ready to grasp it.

Our consciousness is ripe for the veracity, the truth and clarity. The Bible

speaks the Truth, everyone must divine it by his own. There is help for

anyone who seeks it, he will be led by Jesus (“I am the way and the truth

and the Life: no Man cometh unto the Father but by me!”).

*

“Christ has no body now on earth but yours,

no hands but yours,

no feet but yours“

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

37

How do we find God?

By going beyond all thoughts and feelings. By letting everything pass by,

the images and visions. Because these ideas are limited. Only when we are

completely open, He is there. He shows us, not vice versa. He decides

when the right time has come. If we still have blockages, fictions and guilty

feelings that are a hindrance, we must remove them. He let His light shine

through our Soul so that He can show us. God burns in every cell of our

body, and the longing for Him does never end.

This feeling is also described by people who had a near-death experience.

Once come into contact with God, having even seen the Light – and life is

another. The highlight is the Unio Mystica, the mystical union, the vision of

God, happening in absolute secrecy of the deepest Soul.

When I read the first revelation of God to the people, as described in

Enoch's vision: “Be still, know, I am God,” I was deeply shaken. These

words God spoke directly to me! For a long time I could not read through

these verses up to the end without being disturbed completely, and they

touch me still. How could I be so blind, so deaf, have been so stupid! How

could I not have known! I cannot believe it yet, how it may be possible that

we simply do not know: God is here! Why are we so insulated that we are

not perceiving God? We count the words of a poem and do not realize its

meaning.

Only when we are able to create within us a state of deep stillness, or better

put, if we find that space of silence within us, we are able to find God in

ourselves. Because only God can speak through the silence. Only through

the silence, a tone sounds, a word can be understood.

38

Please be quiet, in order that God may speak to you:

I speak to you.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I spoke to you

When you were born.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I spoke to you

With your first glance.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I spoke to you

With your first word.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

39

I spoke to you

With your first thought.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I spoke to you

With your first love.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I spoke to you

With your first song.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you

Through the grass of the meadow.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you

Through the trees of the forests.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

40

I speak to you

Through the valleys and hills.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you

Through the Holy Mountains.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you

Through rain and snow.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you

Through the waves of the sea.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you

By the dew of the morning.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

41

I speak to you

By the evening's peace.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you

By the glow of the sun.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you

By the twinkling stars.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you

By the storm and the clouds

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you

By thunder and lightning.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

42

I speak to you

Through the mysterious rainbow.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I'll speak to you

If you are alone.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I'll speak to you

Through the wisdom of the ancients.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I'll speak to you

At the end of time.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I'll speak to you

When you've seen my Angel.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

43

I'll speak to you

In eternity.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

I speak to you.

Be quiet

Know

I am God.

(Source: The Gospel of the Essenes, complete edition book 1-4 The original texts from the Hebrew and

Aramaic, translated by Dr. Edmond Bordeaux Székely, Publisher Bruno Martin.)

The Aramaic version was found in the Dead Sea Scrolls and is certainly

datable to the period between 130 BC and 68 AD. The Chronicles of Enoch

(Henoch) were in the 4th Century ascribed to the Apocrypha by Church

Father Jerome, and thus declared heretical. So Enoch's vision was taken out

of the Bible, but all that is good, eventually comes back – and so it was

later discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls, thanks to God!

*

“God does not leave us in darkness.

Only when we leave Him,

We will perish“

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

44

My God, why? – When we doubt and despair

The Doubt

“Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” – “My God, my God, why hast thou

forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34; cf. Mt 27:46). According to Mark and

Matthew these were the last words of Jesus when He died on the Cross. It

is interpreted as a doubt. How could Jesus doubt His father if He and the

Father are one? Jesus knew God's plan for Him, He knew His mission, He

knew it already, when He as a twelve years old boy answered the teachers'

questions in the Temple in Jerusalem. “Did you not know where I must be,

about my Father's house?” He asked his outraged parents.

John was the only disciple of Jesus, who was present at His Crucifixion. He

describes Jesus' last words as follows: “After this, Jesus knew that

everything was done, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, He says, 'I

thirst!' There was a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a sponge with

vinegar and put it around a hyssop and held it to His mouth. When Jesus

had received the vinegar, He said: 'It is finished', bowed His head and gave

up.” (John 19.28-30). Of course, Jesus did not doubt. He was a man, and

He was God's son. Jesus came to Earth to teach us of Love in order that we

may find God! He loved with all His heart. He did not need to learn it.

The question is, can we ever open our hearts so far? Yes! Anyway, we must

firmly believe that God holds our plan of Salvation in His hands, and He

never loses neither the plan nor ourselves ever out of His sight. And just as

Jesus was concerned with His healings that men would not doubt, so I am

also convinced that any doubt destroys everything. It prevents healing and

brings us out of our heart's Love. It prevents our prayers from reaching for

45

God, for our Soul holds them back. Our Soul feels unworthy and bad when

we doubt. Because this doubt comes from our mind. Our Soul wants to

love, and we must allow it. If you want not only to be superficially healthy,

but healed of Body, Mind and Soul, think of Jesus' words that He spoke to

the two lepers who returned after the healing of the ten lepers to Him to

thank Him: “Your faith hath made thee whole.”

Jesus said unto the sick: “Effata!” – Open up. Open yourself to God's Light

so it can flow through you and enlighten your Soul. It's all included. Faith,

hope and Love and trust, it's a good thing as it is. At baptism, the priest

touches the ears and mouth of the baby and says, “Effata!” To make clear

that the baby is open to the Holy Spirit.

“Effata” – It is done by breathing in deeply. We breathe the Spirit of God

and receive His Love in our hearts.

This is important for our ongoing spiritual maturation. Only through a

growing faith in God can our life experiences make sense, even with all its

hardships and times of alienation and tests. Even if our life is sometimes

passing through a time of searching, it is never a search for the meaning of

life itself, it is only a time of drought and dryness, in which we can re-

arrange and re-structure our new life and salvation. Thus we come of age.

God needs mature people!

*

“How rare are the people

who what they do, do it all.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

46

The Despair

Even if we believe in Eternal Life, the death of a loved one strikes us badly.

Each person handles the pain in his own way. Some experience a persistent

traumatic process over many years, and that takes away all the joy and

laughter in the ongoing lives of the survivors. In my opinion, the total

giving of ourselves to God helps best when in pain.

Offer up your pain to God. Whether quietly or loudly, it is good for your

Soul. Let it go into the abyss of life where you currently stand. Do not

strive against it! We can not deal with the loss, and we fear our own death,

because we still have a taboo on that fact.

But please do not ask God: “Why have you left me?”, rather ask him:

“Please do not leave me!” That will sound better, this is a request that He

likes to fulfil. The question: “Why have you left me?” brings you into

doubt and takes you away from your Love for Him. He will never abandon

us. We are the ones who turn away from Him in our pain because with our

doubts we close our hearts and therefore can no longer feel Him.

The biggest fear in connection with the death is our uncertainty about the

time following. Many do not believe in life after death, and this may to

them be an unimaginably horrible idea. Others believe in a Heaven and per-

haps some sort of a Purgatory and Hell and are not sure how God will

judge them and whether they deserve either one or the other.

We are also afraid to be separated from our loved ones, thus harming them

and having to leave behind all that is precious to us. Perhaps it is helpful to

47

remind ourselves that we go when dreaming at night into a similar state of

consciousness.

People who have ever had a near-death experience do know with absolute

certainty that there is no such thing as an end to life. The majority report of

a radiant, boundless Light and a feeling of infinite, indescribable Love. We

enter into this Light and are embraced by His Love, and we experience a

tremendous expansion of our consciousness. We meet the people again in

Heaven, those whom we loved. In this state we continue to live and

develop our Souls.

Purgatory, the punishment of God that we fear, is in fact a Life Review we

undertake. Surely that might for one or another be found to be difficult. If

we do not in this life ease and cleans our soul and our conscience, we must

do it in the Afterlife. Since we will find ourselves in unfamiliar territory in

an unfamiliar state, it may be found to be more difficult.

Maybe you doubt these thoughts: “How does she know all this?” The

mystical experiences are the same as near-death experiences. I know

through the Love of God and through my connection with Him. I know

how doubt feels, and I know very well the state of despair and sadness that

can be felt. I know deep in my heart that there is life after death, and I

know through my life and my work, that the Dead are with us.

As we are communicating with the Saints via telepathy, so we can also

communicate with the Dead from Soul to Soul. It actually becomes much

easier because there are no walls and no body dividing us any more. We

can recognize these Souls simply by a particular feeling. Through speaking

with them, we do it with the knowledge that our words and our feelings are

48

received immediately. We simply tell them everything that had remained

unspoken. It's never too late! And remember:

*

“The best and most precious is this:

Be silent and let God act and speak in silence

Amid the silence the secret word was spoken to me.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

49

IV.

The Holy Spirit

Who or what is the Holy Spirit?

Jesus said to His Apostles: “And I will pray to the Father, and He shall give

you another Comforter, that He may abide with you for ever; Even the

Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth Him not,

neither knoweth Him: but ye know Him; for He dwelleth with you, and

shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” (John

14.16-18).

At Pentecost the Disciples of Jesus witnessed the whole spectrum of the

Holy Spirit in the form of His gifts and fruits. “When the Day of Pentecost

had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly

there came a sound from Heaven, as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled

the whole house where they were sitting. Then there appeared to them

divided tongues, as of fire, and One sat upon each of them. And they were

all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the

Spirit gave them utterance.” (Acts 2:1-4).

This was the birth of the Church, for the Disciples were able to proclaim

His Word by their enlightenment. Jesus spoke through His Disciples, it was

not only a narrative of His story. Without the Holy Spirit Jesus would

probably have remained a marginal figure in a story interesting enough to

tell about Him, but His work as the Son of God, as God's physical form,

would never have been promulgated. This was the Bible's Book of Books, a

sacred book, a book for the people of God, written by those whom He

enlightened as the Holy Spirit.

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The Holy Spirit comes at baptism and in Confirmation about us. One tells

about the baptism of Christ: “And it came to pass in those days that Jesus

came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan.

And straightway coming up out of the water, He saw the Heavens opened

and the Spirit like a dove descending upon Him. And a voice came down

from Heaven, saying: Thou art my beloved Son, in Thee I am well

pleased.” (Mark 1:9-11).

There are opportunities in the Catholic Church, which remind us of our

Baptism: the Holy Water is constantly present at the church entrance, with

which we cross ourself. It is not just any water. It is consecrated with

prayers and thereby obtains the power of God. During the Easter Vigil the

renewal of the Baptismal liturgy in the Church happens. On Sunday after

Epiphany (6th January) is celebrated the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord,

which commemorates the Baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist in the

Jordan. The blessing so granted with Holy Water is also much more

effective than an ordinary blessing.

The biggest impression I had of the Holy Spirit on the occasion of my

Confirmation, as I outlined in the introduction to this book, is that it was

the moment when I began my Love affair with God. Since then I know who

or what is the Holy Spirit, and His gifts, fruits and consolations were given

to me more and more. I am always fully conscious of the fact that these are

gifts of God which “Life” cannot give. However, in my experience, God

requires that we first do the preliminary work and prove ourselves mature

and worthy. The second requirement is that we must remain in a constant

state of development, so that these gifts can properly unfold.

51

At first we are given only a small amount of them, and then we have to

prove whether we can accept them and use them properly, and only then

will come the next gifts. This is always with a 'recall option', should we

show ourselves unworthy of the gift or to be overwhelmed by it.

I have been able to recast my inner self in the two years after my

Confirmation at ever and ever shorter intervals. These gifts of the Holy

Spirit however, are not the laurels on which we may rest upon – no, not at

all. And yet I am filled with an ongoing gratitude and humility and I would

never want to live without these gifts again!

*

“Perfect Love is not given to us at once,

because we do not give up everything at once.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

52

The seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit (Charisma)

Religious Concept

In the New Testament and former Christianity 'Charisma' means the gift

donated by the Holy Spirit to Christians. This includes: reason, science,

wisdom, counsel, piety, Godliness, fortitude, awareness, faith, prophecy,

healing, miracles, distinguishing of spirits, tongues (glossolalia) and

interpretation of tongues. With particular emphasis on some of these

charismas in the modern age emerged spiritual awakening movements such

as the Charismatic Movement or the Pentecostal Movement. Corinthians

I,12:8-11: “In all the gifts of the Spirit for the common good shew one is

given through the Spirit the word of wisdom, to another the word of

knowledge by the same Spirit, to another faith to make gifts of healing by

the same Spirit; to another in the same Spirit to perform miracles, to

another prophecy, to another discerning of Spirits, to another divers kinds

of tongues; one another the interpretation of this language; but everything

works from the one same Spirit, dividing to every man, to whom He wills.”

The conditions for these Graces are:

1) Water Baptism in the name of Jesus Christ

2) the Spiritual Baptism of the Holy Spirit

3) the absolute belief in Father, Son and Holy Spirit

4) an adapted way of life in humility and charity

5) permanent Spiritual development

53

The gifts of the Holy Spirit had differently affected the Apostles: Thomas

was given the gift of reason, John the gift of wisdom, Philip the gift of

counsel, James the gift of piety, Andrew the gift of the fear of God, Peter

the gift of strength, Matthew the grace of discernment.

I would like to explain the various Charismas for a general understanding

of them in more detail and also divided into several groups:

Reason, Science, Wisdom, Counsel, Awareness

These relate to the knowledge of the ineffable charisma (gnosis). Ignorance

creates suffering, whereas through knowledge and awareness comes Love,

and Man is redeemed. It is not from our mind in the brain. It is not from the

knowledge we learn. It's about the intuitive knowledge that is hidden deep

in our subconscious. It evolves with wisdom and awareness. This enables

us to then give advice to other people. This advice again comes not from

our mind, not from our thoughts with which we wish to inflate our egos for

to talk so wisely. No, the advice comes from God, and we are merely

expressing it.

The charisma of science means that we can rapidly merge the details of

science into a whole. Suddenly we know – again purely intuitively – how

things are doing. The downside is: everything normal bores us, because we

already know everything or can expose a falsehood immediately. The

advantages are: We are made aware of how we are carrying the

responsibility for everything in our world, for example in environmental

protection. The whole spectrum of ecology stretches out before us,

although we have not learnt it from books, but experiencing it from the

inside out. We understand the Universe. We understand Stephen Hawking

54

when he talks about the Big Bang Theory with this insight: “There must

still have been something before, so there is a God!” Albert Einstein was

afraid of becoming unhinged if it was true that “God plays dice” that

nothing can be calculated in the classical linear mode. We understand the

new quantum theory of the scientists, when they realize that the former

“great void” even includes energy, knowing: There is no emptiness, God is

in everything. Maybe we cannot express ourselves because we lack the

vocabulary. But we understand intuitively: The Laws of Nature and the

Spiritual Laws reflect the same truth: God.

Piety, Godliness, Faith, Strength

It's about faith from the heart, the Love of God and the deep humility

before Him. This Love makes us strong on the one hand, however, it gives

us the necessary wish, always to satisfy Him. The Soul that has once

abandoned God and has since recognized that as being an error will never

make that mistake again, once knowing it could have turned out so

differently!

Teresa of Àvila, The Interior Castle, 6th Flat: “Through the glories that He

tells the Soul, she realizes much more clearly the greatness of God. It

frightened her, how she could be so presumptuous, she mourns her low

reverence, and her own folly as being so crazy, that she never may

complain about it enough, considering that she has left such a noble

majesty due to such low reasons .”

The strength also means humility. My prayers can turn the world upside

down – but only if God wants it! I am nothing, I'm small as a grain of sand!

I am nothing, and everything comes from God.

55

Healing, Miracles, Prophecy

We obey an impulse of God. God has chosen us as His channel, and we

perform these acts on His impulse: The healing of the sick by laying on our

hands and praying; miracles prove themselves in the form of spontaneous

healing as well as in the mastery of the elements; the prophecy means the

proclamation of God's Word (Greek: “One who speaks for others”). This

also includes the predictions of coming important events.

Discernment, Tongues and their Interpretation

In my experience, the charisma of tongues (glossolalia) shows the ability to

dream in a foreign language or to think or understand them and speak

words and phrases, without being aware of it. The interpretation of tongues,

is something I've felt after my Confirmation: My Soul remembered, as was

described by the Pope in the preface to the Latin Mass. Deep within us is

buried the text in all languages, and when we hear these words, the Soul

recalls. So my Soul suddenly spoke Latin, at least enough for the Holy

Mass in Latin to understand its meaning and to meld with it and thereby

causing me to burst into tears in the first three Masses.

The discernment of Spirit we need to recognize the false prophets, and

these, as we all know very well, are numerous. Once we have received the

charisma of the Holy Spirit, we know when something is right or wrong!

We are never victims of a sect. We see through them immediately. We are

even indirectly led to help to free their victims. I have already been led to

do that, although I cannot of course make that known.

56

Pope John Paul II, who exuded all the charisma of the Holy Spirit already

in his appearance, has recognized these healing Charismas even in non-

consecrated persons, and ordered the release of this knowledge on 25

September 2000. At that time our present Pope Benedict XVI was chairman

of the Congregation. Thus, two Popes are on the side of us Healers and

Mystics – isn't that wonderful?

Excerpted from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith

Instruction on Prayers for Healing by God:

“As mentioned above, the end of Mark's Gospel as well as the Galatians are

extending the horizon and do not limit the miraculous healing on the

activities of the Apostles and some Preachers of the Gospel, which play a

prominent role in the first missionary. From this point of view the evidence

of the “Healing Charismas” (cf. 1 Cor 12,9.28.30) are particularly

important. The meaning of the word 'Charisma' itself is very wide; a

'Charisma' is a “freely-given gift”, the mentioned case refers to it as “gifts,

to cure diseases.” These spiritual gifts are assigned to an individual (cf. 1

Cor 12:9), so they are not understood as cures, which has been gained by

each of those cured by themselves, rather as a gift granted to a person in

order to obtain the Healing Grace for others. This gift is dedicated in the

“One Spirit”, whereby it cannot be closely defined, how this person does

achieve the healing. One can assume that this is done through prayer,

perhaps accompanied by a symbolic gesture “.

(Soure:www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20001123_istru

zione_ge.html)

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The twelve Fruits of the Holy Spirit

“Come Holy Spirit, open the hearts of Thy faithful, and you fill them with

Thy Love.” In the New Testament, Matthew the Evangelist writes: “By

their fruits ye shall know them.” (Mt. 7.16)

The fruits are Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,

Forbearance, Gentleness, Faithfulness, Modesty, Abstinence, Chastity.

This book is about Love. The charisma joy I would like to mention

particularly. Teresa of Àvila, too, felt a great joy in her spirituality that

springs from the inner freedom gained. The heart is free. Humility means

no weight, no burden, but a feeling of lightness and freedom. Even now I

pray the Lord's Prayer as an invocation and glorification with uplifted arms.

The power of the Holy Spirit flows through my body and my hands become

warm.

The Holy Spirit makes our egos die automatically. Not until then can Man

fully develop the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Spontaneously an impatient

person can then become a patient person. Forbearance, gentleness –

something that is completely unknown by egocentric people. Abstinence

and chastity are themselves dismissed as unrealistic by the people who are

just about to perish from their mistakes in this direction. The spiritual man

changes his sexual energy into spiritual energy – and he realizes that what

he used to call Love, rarely served the Divine Love, but rather the

satisfaction of the lack of self-Love.

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How do I distinguish this Divine Love of the secular? It's simple: The

Divine Love never dies. It does not turn suddenly into hatred. You have no

fear within this Love. You just Love. Even if a close person is not with you

and maybe never will be – you Love that person, your two Souls are loving

each other at a distance – voilà! After the initial turmoil, the pain resolves,

and satisfaction and joy is remaining.

The seven Consolations of the Holy Spirit

Within the twelve fruits of the Holy Spirit His consolations are included.

Crying is of a very great comfort. But there are many people who cannot. I

can, and I'm glad of it! I sometimes wished I would be able to hold back the

tears, especially during a Mass in the Cathedral, when I hang completely

dissolved in tears in the front row and everyone could see me. I had to go

through this development phase bravely. Although I'm sure it was not

always my own tears, which flowed. I often cried the tears of others.

During the New Year Reception of the Bishop of Limburg in 2010, I

apologized to him for my many tears during his beautiful Masses. He

thanked me for my support. – With pleasure!

*

“Under a condition that we do not abandon our prayers,

then the Lord will convert whatever we do into our advantage,

even when we find anyone who is able to teach us.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

59

V.

Jesus

My Path to Jesus

Jesus was resourceful and patient. Until I finally realized that the signs all

around me, in the sky, in the water and the earth, came from Him, it took

me many years to realize this.

Three years ago I went to Plouescat, a small town situated facing the

English Channel in the Department of Finistère in Brittany, the

westernmost region of continental France. It had already received in

Roman times the name of 'Finis Terrae' (end of the earth), the Breton name

being 'Penn ar Bed' (early, peak or head of the world). I find it interesting

that the Romans called the region the 'End of the Earth', in contrary, the

refugees and immigrants from Great Britain, who developed the Breton

language of Cornish (Cornwall) and Welsh (Wales), called the region the

'Beginning of the World'. For the Romans this country was a patch of earth,

even the End of the Earth, but for the Bretons it was the Beginning of the

World.

Their use of the word 'world' is referring to the totality, the totality of the

Universe, the Universe of Beings. This belief was passed on to the

character of their people and it still can be felt energetically. I learned that it

was no coincidence that the amazing mystical experiences I went through

there as well as the powerful Light of God illuminating the area was

captured in my photographs. The 'Département' name of Finistère

incidentally only refers to it being an administrative area.

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I very soon came to really love this place on Earth, and in those years of the

1980s I came to know it better as my own real home. It meant freedom to

me and comfort at the same time, Love for all things, for the people, the

language, the overwhelming nature, the architecture and of course the Love

of food – I was able to feed on the sea creatures – and somehow it was also

the mysticism, which I still could not exactly explain.

At that time “mysticism” was a general term for the mysterious. This aspect

for me only covered the place's nature and the sense of its beauty and

drama of its scene, which changed every hour from the ocean winds and

sun and which never repeated itself. I still had no access to the alleged 7777

saints of Brittany – many of which are certainly not recognized by the

Church. There are also numerous mineral springs. And there is the unique

term the 'Calvary', areas belonging to the 'Enclos Paroissiaux', the enclosed

parishes. These arose in the 16th and 17th Centuries, especially in the area

of Finistère. The Calvary tells in an impressive way of the Life and the

Passion of Christ. If you have ever spent time in the Department of

Finistère outside the tourist season on a holiday or were just staying or

living there, you can understand this term 'Beginning of the World' very

well.

In 1980 I spent a year near Lorient, in the western Morbihan Department.

This is located in Southern Brittany in the Gulf of 'Mor Bihan' which

means 'small sea'. In the Morbihan, originating in the Neolithic Age of

Western Europe, arose the famous grave Mounds (tumulus), from which

arose a combination of Megalithic Standing Stones and Stone Circles.

Particularly famous are the Stone Circles of Carnac.

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I lived nearby in a small house directly looking on the sea. From the garden

I was able to enter the sea over the rocks which reached into the Atlantic.

When there was a strong storm the water often surged into the garden and it

became under water. Into the 'Doigts de Sorcière' (witches fingers), a plant

which covered the whole garden, there were caught sea-shells. Perhaps my

Chinese Windmill Palm is still growing, which I had just moved to there.

Climatically it would be possible, because the warm Gulf Stream flows to

the Atlantic coast and provides a rough, but frost-free climate with mild

winters.

When I wanted to visit this piece of land that once was my home during my

later holiday, I could not find it! The entire coastline has since been

completely built over as a holiday resort with its own marina.

On this later return I spent ten days in Plouescat almost completely alone in

a mobile home within a sea-side campsite, very comfortable and very quiet,

with no TV or computer and with a cell phone only for emergencies. The

mere fact that I was even able to find that was pretty surprising. However,

God as always, was sufficient in this case …

My path has also led me from Germany directly to Mont Saint Michel, this

legendary island Monastery between Normandy and Brittany in the English

Channel, where there still live a handful of Benedictine monks that have to

endure the daily flow of tourists. It is quiet at night in the medieval streets,

and the few tourists left can enjoy a delicious meal in the many restaurants

or creperies, followed by a walk on the path along the city wall around the

Monastery hill in a now quiet night within a monastic atmosphere.

62

What makes this island so special is the huge hight difference and surge of

the tides. At low tide, the sea pulls back a long way out up to eleven miles,

and you can then take some beautiful tideland walks. As soon as the tide

returns however, at a speed that has been termed as a fast gallop for horses,

you have to hurry back to the Mount, as it is then totally surrounded by the

sea except for its connecting causeway to the mainland. Cars and buses can

be driven on to this connecting causeway and to use it as a parking lot. The

buses all leave the island by the evening, and the few cars left are parked

by overnight guests.

I had not been on the 'Mount' for over ten years, as the locals call their

mountain. (Incidentally, in the beginning it was called 'Mont-Tombe' which

means mountain grave.) It was just as I had known it before: full of tour-

ists, who pushed through the narrow alleys and almost ransacked the curio

shops. I went to my room I had reserved a few days earlier. It was a little

off the main street which climbs its way up to the Monastery at the top, and

I had from my window a very idyllic view of an old cemetery and a green

garden filled with hydrangeas, the national flower of the Bretons, but they

do not bloom until late June. More ahead I saw the three-story convent

church, which is accessible via stairs. Behind the garden extended the city

walls, and above the sun shone in a cloudless blue sky. It was very quiet,

and I heard the sea approaching from a great distance.

There was a little time left to eat, so I visited an artist who specialized in

the production of copper ornaments, and bought a beautiful necklace with

pendant amulet in the shape that reminded me of the Divinity of Man. It

incorporated a small crown, which for me spoke to representing Jesus.

63

Back in my room, I lay down on the bed to read a book about Jesus. Then I

closed my eyes, put the book down with my new necklace with copper

pendant on top of it and to which I then lay my left hand down on to it. I

was immediately no longer able to rest! Within a few minutes I began to

glow. And I was soon glowing more and more! From head to toe, and this

glow extended to the entire bed. I slid to the side, but there it was already

so hot that I could not lie there. I felt a little queasy, and I knew that some-

thing was not quite right. I am very aware what it feels like to have a fever,

but I knew I had no fever! I was burning, everything was glowing, but it

certainly was not fever. Suddenly my eyes fell on my left hand that still lay

on the amulet and the book. I took it away – and the glow disappeared as

quickly as it had come. That was strange! It had transmitted the energy I

had put in reading this book via the copper amulet in my hands to my

whole body to the bed. Well, thank you Jesus, I now understood that you

are able to heat one up pretty effectively!

After the long-awaited dinner with a 'plateau de fruits de mer' and half a

bottle of white wine I then climbed up to the Monastery Church and en-

joyed the fantastic views far across the bay. The sea was raging far below

in the scary dark, and I could hear the waves breaking into a steady rhythm

on the rocks. Then I went to sleep, in order to begin the next day’s journey

to some unknown destination relaxed.

The next morning I woke up in the early sunshine, I had breakfast and

cleaned my room. It was still pretty early and I decided to again visit the

small Pilgrimage Church. No sooner said than done that and as I sat in the

middle of a pew and tried to pray, a group of Pilgrims entered the church,

recognizable by their red kerchiefs and wooden sticks. There were French.

They sat down at once and before I knew it I was sitting in the middle of

64

them. The accompanying Pilgrim Priest distributed slips of paper, on which

everyone could write a wish, and of course I also received one, too. I wrote

a wish on it, and I can still remember it very well. The wish had to do with

the reason for my journey, which was one of seeking a place of solitude,

even though at this point I was not experiencing much of that. However, I

felt very comfortable within these Pilgrims. The Priest then held a small

Mass, which at that time I did not understand all that much since I belonged

to no particular denomination and still had little experience of Catholic

worship, especially not one done in French.

At least I was glad to know for whom the chants and prayers were being

dedicated, because I had already myself found God, and I also felt that He

was very present in this particular Chapel. The title 'Archange Michel'

came up very often with whom I knew very well. Finally, the Priest

collected the notes of wishes and brought them over to the big statue that

was located next to us. There he stood, the Archangel Michael, he who had

first ordered the building of Mont St. Michel, according to legend. The

written wishes were offered up even multilingual, and I'm sure there was no

one among us who doubted at that moment of the fulfilment of their desire!

Shortly afterwards the Chapel emptied very quickly, and I was left alone

and was glad.

It was a good start for my journey into the unknown on this day. For I had

no idea where I would go. Since I was still inspired so beautifully by the

atmosphere of worship, I asked God to lead me to yet another quiet place.

It should lie near to the sea, because I love the sea very much. I am not a

sun worshiper, which I always considered as too boring and too hot, and I

did not want to be able to determine, at my fairly advanced age, the hours

of sunshine registered on my skin. But I must always be able to see and

65

hear the sea, then I can find that the world is in order. And I needed quiet

as well as a great deal of rest! And of course, some fish and seafood in all

its variations!

So I left Mont Saint Michel and I looked at my map, knowing the rough

direction I wanted to take. Because the coastline was still fresh in the

memory of my previous trips, I took a highway where I made good

progress. After about two hours I had the feeling of being close to the

finish. I came to an intersection and turned North towards the sea. Then I

found myself in front of a sign pointing to 'Plouescat' and I decided to look

for a small hotel room there. I gave this request to the attention of my inner

guidance. I was especially concerned about a pretty unpleasant rattling

under my car, which worried me quite a bit. But somehow I had got lost on

the way to my destination, at least I was off course and suddenly I saw a

beautiful heath land stretching before me, and behind it an endlessly long,

wide sandy beach stretching in a huge bay. The sea was far out on a low

tide and it shone on the horizon in the sun. I was overwhelmed by the sight,

but there was no hotel in sight here. Only a campground. Well, that was not

my desire. I'm not a camper and I was not equipped for it, except for some

towels.

It was only May and all was quiet. Something attracted me, however, and I

stopped at the Reception house. There was no barrier of any sort, so I

walked along the way and looked right and left into small grass bays which

were sheltered by tall hedges on each side, along with mobile homes of

various sizes. I had experienced them only from photographs, although I

quite liked the look of them. These ones all looked pretty new, and the

entire camp made a most welcoming impression. I did not see any small

66

towed caravans or tents. Nonetheless, I did not consider it the right thing

for me at the time.

I returned to the car and was about to drive off, when a young man came

running up to me and asked me why I was already leaving. I told him that I

was really searching for a hotel room. He invited me to return and visit the

site with the mobile homes again and possibly stay there. Objecting that I

had no camping gear with me, he replied that I did not need anything, it's

all included there. So I went back with him, and he showed me a nice

mobile home with two bedrooms, kitchen and lounge, shower and toilet. It

had everything needed: gas, electricity, furniture, dishes, glasses, and on the

beds were even sheets of tear-resistant mesh, the type that I know of as

used in hospitals. I was thrilled. Well, it was not really inexpensive. But it

was nice. And I learned that I was to be the only guest. So I immediately

said yes. The young man asked me if German women have no fear of being

on their own, and I answered, that I am personally not afraid, although I

suggested that this was not an attribute of most German women. It turned

out that there was an elderly couple after all staying on the campsite, but far

away from me.

So I put my car on the lawn in front of the mobile home and moved in, not

without having asked the young man to lay under my car and see why it

rattled. He complied right away, as after all French men are known for their

politeness. It turned out to be only the cover of the exhaust catalyser, so I

did not have to worry anymore.

I almost immediately made a reconnaissance trip down through the heather-

clad dunes to the beach. This was covered by huge granite stones, known as

menhirs, the standing stones in Asterix, and on the left, a huge bay

67

stretching to the nearest town on the opposite bank. The sea was still far

out, and on the beach were some small colorful boats. I was thrilled. And

then I remembered my prayer I had made in the morning requesting that I

be led to a nice, quiet place. Thank you! – that had just worked out fine!

In the evening I ate at the little restaurant belonging to the campsite. I had

to pre-order the food, and they cooked it especially for me. It was modest,

because all that I wanted was there in abundance. Fresh fish, mussels,

crabs, oysters and even lobster. The latter I do not eat any more as I think

lobsters are simply gorgeous, and I cannot bear the thought of them dying

through being thrown into boiling water. Fishes are killed with at least one

swift blow to the back of the head, and the oysters, I swallow alive –

although it is not something I like to reflect over too much ... On the other

hand I hardly eat any meat – and oh, anyway, I was on vacation!

The night was beautiful. Only a small lamp shone at the entrance of the

Camp’s square, and apart from that, everything was totally dark. In the

distance I could hear the roaring sea, otherwise it was quiet. Inside my

mobile home it was warm, as the accommodation consists mainly of

plastic material which quickly heats up. I could not imagine living at the

height of summer there, but in May it was fine. It was also pretty fresh and

cool in the evening, so I was pleased to have plenty of blankets on the bed.

I opened the window and prayed that God would watch over me well.

The next day I spent exploring the beach and the big bay. The tide was

coming in, and the sea already filled out a good portion of the bay. From

the riverside path I suddenly saw a small patch of sea that captivated my

attention. It was a whirlwind with seagulls circling above. I literally saw

the energy that flowed out of this maelstrom in front of me. I went closer

68

and saw in this vortex many small fish swimming in circles. It could have

been a field day for the seagulls – but instead they did not eat them! They

circled outside this vortex, which was approximately one square meter in

diameter. Strange. Something about this scene was beyond the usual, but I

could not quite place what it meant, so I took a picture and then moved on.

A few days later, a new guest arrived at the camping site, I met him at

breakfast. He came from Holland and was a camping-site tester. He was an

elderly gentleman driving an old station wagon and pulled a still older, egg-

shaped little trailer behind him. He sat down right next to me on the terrace.

He had come for the third time to Plouescat and always found it very

comfortable here. In the afternoon we met again, and he mentioned that he

could show me something rather special if I wanted to go with him for a

walk to the sea, upon which I gladly agreed. We did not go far, and I was

able to watch again from afar this magical place in the sea, the seagulls

circling again – and the friendly camping-site tester was quite excited over

this very same spot in the sea! “Here, you see,” he cried, “there it is. This is

the place that I meant to show you!”

Laughing, I told him that I had already discovered this spot, but I did not

know what it represented. Now he was glad to be able to explain to me: this

is a place where the tides come together! A mystical marriage in the sea! –

Teresa of Àvila would have loved it! I was also very impressed – it was as

if I had found a great treasure. And strictly speaking it was somehow. This

is one of the very few special places in the world where the tides meet

together in such a way. They always meet in this one particular place! And

in this small area of one square meter. Only one square meter of the world.

It had surely moved over time as the sea levels are rising steadily, but now

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it was here at this point, to which I was intuitively guided on the previous

day!

From this point a magical force arises that only very special people are able

to detect. This Dutchman was one of this group, belonging to a certain

grouping of Mystical Humans whose other members recognize immedia-

tely, no matter where we go, no matter what language we speak. We recog-

nize the 'lighting up the mystery of life', as mysticism is called, and we can

discover God in the eyes of a stranger. Our friends were in this case the

fishes in the water and the birds in the air. In the very evening the mystical

Gentleman departed, and I delivered myself back into the silence.

The next day I was visited by a large, thick cloud – it suddenly stood before

me. It stood below on the ground, in front of my chair where I sat on the

small lawn in front of the mobile home re-reading the book from out of

which had come the “Flame of God” on Mont St. Michel. The chapter was

about the transfiguration of Jesus, as He climbed a mountain, described in

the Bible in Matthew, chapter 17, verse 5: “Since He was still speaking,

behold, they were overshadowed by a cloud, and a voice came out of the

cloud, saying: This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, hear ye

Him!”

I suddenly looked up from my book and found myself in such a cloud

sitting on my chair! I remember it now: This cloud caused in me a reflex to

escape! I was momentarily scared. At that moment I did not know if I had

arisen in the cloud or if the cloud had come down upon me! At least I had

the presence of mind to convert this reflex into a flight into the mobile

home to fetch my camera. When I came out, the cloud was already pulled a

bit up into the sky and dissolving. Nevertheless, on closer inspection of the

70

photo, one has the feeling, that it had arisen from the ground as the upward

momentum was somehow still visible ... After all, it was another reminder

of one of my strange experiences with Jesus.

There was a time when wherever I went, Jesus seemed to be already there.

Sometimes only in the form of a lamppost decal where I had parked. This

little picture was advertising for an Icon Museum with a picture of Jesus.

This situation stuck around with me, almost seeming to pursuing me. It was

eight years ago when I was told by a young woman, that she saw Jesus with

me. That was new to me, as I had only found out a little bit about God, but

not yet much about Jesus. But she said simply. “I see Jesus in you.” I knew

that she was able to “see” many things through psychic vision, so I did not

doubt her statement. I often remembered her and so attended this Icon

Museum. I was overwhelmed by the art and, above all, of the energies, con-

tained within the icons themselves. It made my hair stand on end, and I

could hardly bear the forces coming out of them. A short time later, I

owned an Icon of Mother Mary with Jesus, made by a nice lady whose hip

I had treated, as a gift of thanks.

Jesus must have been greatly pleased at my having finally discovered him,

and from then on I could count on His constant appearances A year later I

bought from my friend Johannes a few figures of Jesus, Mary, Joseph,

Mary Magdalene and Saint Thérèse of Lisieux. These figures are about 30-

40 cm high and were presented over decades in Corpus Christi processions

in front of houses and in the windows. Now they are scattered throughout

my house and have a beautiful aura. And now I feel that Jesus is always

nearby, merged with my Soul.

71

That reminds me of another nice story, too, it began with two thick clouds

in the sky. I was in the vicinity of Stuttgart and wanted to drink a coffee in

the small town in the afternoon. I did nothing know and asked my inner

guidance to lead me to a pleasant café where I could sit outside. My eyes

immediately fell on two large cumulus clouds in the distance on the sky,

which had placed themselves in brilliant white so picturesque that I felt:

“This is the direction you must go!” A word and a blow, I walked toward

the clouds. After two hundred yards, I reached a small public space with a

lovely café, in front of it a couple of tables were set up. I sat at a table, from

which I wanted to see the clouds – but they were gone! Blown away ...

I ordered a coffee and phoned with my daughter. The telephone conver-

sation was not very edifying, and I must have looked pretty angry. In any

case, when I had finished the conversation, a man at the next table was

laughing and said it was no mistaking that my phone conversation with my

daughter was not quite pleasant. That made me laugh, and so we talked

more over the tables. The man not only looked like an Indian, he told me

that he was descended from an American Indian people, whose name I have

forgotten. He lived in the Eifel and was selling for the first time his own

art. This were huge roots, he dig up in his backyard and editing them. Now

he wanted to sell these works of art in Swabia. I thought I did not hear

right! These roots I had seen a week earlier on my trip that I made

professionally once a month through the Eifel. I interrupted him: “I know

these roots, and I know where you live, in a place called …. in the Eifel

region. It is a blue house with a small garden in front of it, and there is a

large painted root.” The Indian laughed. He was not surprised that I told

him 400 miles from his home as a real stranger, where he lived and how his

house looked like. He just laughed. For him it was normal that such things

happen.

72

I did not know what sense this made that I was lured by two huge clouds

that had suddenly disappeared, at this coffee table – to meet a friendly

Indian, and knowing where he lived and how he earned his money. I told

him how I had come to this café, and that I often had to do with dubious

clouds. He told me that Jesus changes my level of consciousness and then I

could see these clouds. We came up to speak of this experience I made in

Brittany. I told him, and lateron he told me about “his” Jesus in the Eifel.

Near his residence there was a huge Cross with the corpus of Christ. I was

immediately interested to see this Cross, and he told me the location. He

also invited me to visit him and his family.

A short time later I took my way back through the Eifel, I went to that

Cross. It was much bigger than I had imagined. Huge! A strain more than a

high house with a maybe three feet tall figure of the Saviour stood next to a

highway, and Jesus looked down at me. I could only see Him in total from

the other side of the road. So I had to go first in the vicinity of Stuttgart, in

order that this Indian from the Eifel could lead me to this beautiful Cross!

His Jesus was my Jesus, and I also visited his wife and many children from

time to time. He, however, had left for America.

*

“If we were to see nothing else than the True Way

then we would soon be on target “

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

73

Encouraging Words of Jesus for you ...

I know your suffering, struggles,

Tribulations of your Soul, the weaknesses of your womb.

I also know of your cowardice, your sins

And yet I say to you:

Give me your heart, love me, just as you are!

To be when you're waiting for an Angel

To thee of Love to give,

Even though you may never fully love me.

If you are a coward in your declining of obligations

And in the exercise of virtues,

Even if you often decline in those sins

That you may no longer want to commit

I will not allow you to NOT love me!

Love me like you are!

In every moment and in whatever situation

You are currently in,

Within the heat of the drought,

Within the bonds of fidelity or infidelity

Love me like you are!

I want the Love of your poor heart;

Because if you wait until you're perfect,

You'll never be able to love me!

I could not possibly out of every grain of sand

74

Make you an Angelic Seraph,

Shining with purity, nobility and Love.

Am I not the Almighty?

And if I like to leave those wonderful creatures in Heaven,

To the poor Love of your heart to prefer

– Am I not always the Lord of my Love?

My child, let me love you;

I want your heart.

Sure, I'll convert you over time,

But today I love you just the way you are,

And I hope that you may love me so,

Just as you are.

I want from out of the depths of your misery

Your Love to ascend and be seen!

I love you even in all your weaknesses;

I love the Love of the poor and wretched.

And I want incessantly that the poor

Should be ascending:

Jesus, I love you!

I do not want solely the song of your heart;

I do not require of you your wisdom

Or your talents.

One thing only is important

Seeing you work with Love!

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It is not to be your virtue,

That I wish for.

If I were to give you such –

You're so weak

That this would only nourish your Self-Love.

But do not worry that

I could have you determined to do great things.

No, you would be a useless servant to me,

And even the little that you couild give,

Because I created you only for Love.

Today I stand at the door of your heart,

Like a beggar –

I, the King of Kings!

I knock and wait! –

Hurry to open up to me!

Occupations will not bring you your misery.

If poverty was your perfect test,

You would only die in pain.

What my heart would be wounded by,

Would be to see that you doubt me

And your confidence in me is missing.

I want you to even in the most insignificant action

Do it only out of Love.

I count on you,

That you to give me joy!

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Never mind that you possess no virtues

I'll give you mine.

If you are going to have to suffer,

I'll give you the strength.

If you give me your Love,

I'll give you so much more

So that you can understand the nature of Love,

Far more than you have ever dreamed of.

Remember, however, to Love me like you are!

I have given you my Mother.

Leave everything else aside, yes everything,

Let you flow through Her heart as a pure Soul!

Whatever happens, do not wait so surely

As to become so sacred as to then of Love to give me;

In that way you would never be able to love me.

And now go!

(Source: "Ecce Mater Tua," No. 268, author unknown)

77

VI.

Mary

Blessed Mother Mary

And then came Mary, the Mother of God – at first in the form of St. Mary

of Schoenstatt. St. Mary, with whom Father Kentenich together with a

group of youths formed a Covenant of Love on 18 October 1914 in the

Original Holy Shrine in Schoenstatt, in order to settle in the Chapel and to

work miracles of grace. This day is considered the foundation for today's

International Schoenstatt Ecclesial Movement.

At the foundation the picture of the Virgin Mary, which now hangs in the

middle of the altar, was not yet in the Original Shrine, but only came on

Good Friday of the following year to Schoenstatt and was suspended

shortly before the start of the Marian month of May. The picture is one of

many copies of the painted “Refuge Peccatorum” (Refuge of Sinners) by

Luigi Crosio. This title, however, was not incorporated in Schoenstatt, but -

because of a historical parallel – the title of the miraculous image of the

Ingolstadt Marian Congregation: “Mater ter admirabilis”, abbreviated as

MTA.

Since 1943, replicas of the Original Shrine are built throughout the world;

on the occasion of the Marian year 1954, the Pallottines erected on their

premises in Limburg a “Mater ter admirablis” (MTA) Chapel, opposite the

existing St. Mary's Church. Whereas all the other Schoenstatt Chapels have

only printed versions of the MTA pictures, Father Gerhard Hermes SAC

painted for the little Chapel in Limburg one in oils. It is in an octagonal

frame with an oval mat, hanging in the middle of the carved altar. It shows

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Mary and Jesus, with Mary looking directly down at us holding the baby

Jesus in Her arms. She wears a royal blue robe with wide sleeves, which

includes some red cloth, as these colours symbolize Heaven and Earth. Her

hair is covered with a white cloth that falls to Her shoulders. Jesus is like-

wise wrapped in a white cloth. The lower end of the image has a cloud-like

finish and the background is in a light brown. Mary and Jesus are surroun-

ded by a brilliant light that makes them stand out from the background.

It was on 13th of July 2009, three weeks after my Confirmation, that I held

my first Sacred Heart devotions in the MTA Chapel in Limburg. I prayed

the Rosary along with several believers who join together on the 13th of

each month. It did not take long before I found myself overcome with a

great emotion, and was overwhelmed by tears. I sat in the front row and

tried to reassure myself by simply looking directly at Mary.

I then looked at the altar, and suddenly it began to glow. First, only Her

aura shone as a bright ring around Her, then suddenly Jesus also began to

shine. At that point Maria's eyes twinkled, and my eyes began to vibrate at

the same time. I was not able to control them. There was not the usual

nervous twitch as most people have experienced it, but a movement that

caused a strange vibration of the eyelids. And when I closed my eyes, this

vibration went further inside my head. When I opened my eyes again, the

entire altar was on fire! Of course, it was only seen by me and it also shone

all around in gold. Mary with her child Jesus both glowed now and seemed

to wink at me. Finally the whole altar glittered like – yes, I must say

unfortunately, because it describes it best – like the billboard at a

fairground booth. I have to beg your pardons, Padre Kentenich and Dear

Mary, but there is no better way to describe it. Several minutes after this

spectacle was over, I returned to my Rosary and prayed on bravely.

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Finally, we were all blessed by the two Priests who regularly appear each

day at 3 pm in the MTA Chapel. Their blessing was for me always

something I could feel as rather special, as I could feel the great power

these Priests radiated through being filled with God's Light and Love.

The elder of the two Priests died a few weeks later when he collapsed at the

beginning of a Mass, and one which I happened to be attending. He collap-

sed in front of the Sacred Heart Altar. At his funeral, the Priest celebrant

emphasized that for this Father, truth and clarity were always the most

important to him. I realized then that he had given me within the small

MTA Chapel not only his blessing, but was also very much assisting me in

my search for my own truth and clarity. I shall always fondly and gratefully

remember him. May his Soul forever rest in peace!

Back to our beloved Mary in the MTA Chapel of Limburg: The next day I

visited Her again. I wanted to know more. What was it that had enflamed

Mary and Jesus together with the altar? In seeking an answer, I lit a candle

and greeted Jesus and Mary most dearly, and again I was sitting in the front

row. I had of course not come to conduct a scientific experiment as to how

the event could have happened! So much was already clear to me: there

was something very special given to me, a truly precious gift, and I would

dare not to ask for that gift to be given once more to me again, as I am far

too modest to ask for such a thing. But of course I was filled with

curiousity. Why did my eyes vibrate in such a strange manner? Why did I

find myself crying so much? All this I wanted to find out about in greater

detail.

I sat back in the front row and prayed: “Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is

with Thee: blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy

80

womb, Jesus. Holy Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and forever.

Amen.” Everything was quiet. Once again: “Hail Mary ...” And a third

time: “Hail Mary ...” – And then it began once again. This time I did not

cry. I felt my left eye begin to vibrate. I closed my eyes, and the right eye

also then began to vibrate. I opened my eyes again, and then Mary once

again winked at me. Her aura was visible, and Her silhouette was accentu-

ated, along with that of Jesus, as coming out forward from the altar. The

whole altar was once again covered in gold, and then it turned into a flash-

ing altar, as might be seen in a fairground....

I was then filled with Love, and although I was aware that there might

happen something special, but what was it? When I started to re-think over

the whole event (no, it was not a nightmare, but at the time I could have felt

it as almost being so), and in the end I managed to calm down. I thought

about it for a while, and then Mary was casting Her spell over me again.

Suddenly I knew that I should have to come out from my mental thoughts

and move to within my Heart. She was asking for my Love, of that I was

certain, and this She certainly could have. I then opened up my heart to her,

letting my Love flow outwards, and began to pray: “Hail Mary...”. Once

again the previous events all returned – the eye vibrations, winks, and

above all, Mary and Jesus were once again bathed in flames!

I recounted this experience and phenomenon carefully to the nice lady who

often accompanies me in to the MTA Chapel and also some other religious

services. I had first met her at my Confirmation in the small Limburg

Church of St. Anna. She came at that time over to me and handed me a

Rosary! Our Confirmation ceremony had been so filled with the Holy Spirit

that she had deeply felt it. Her face was constantly lit up, and she is looking

younger and younger, even though she has not had an easy life. But her

81

unflagging faith and her deep Love for Mary and Joseph and all the Saints

and our Lord have helped her through all the hard times.

When I told her about Mary's “Lightning”, she was astonished, but she

nevertheless believed me. She herself might have developed other types of

contact with Mary. I was to know that those whose hearts are as open as

mine, are truly my Sisters and Brothers in Faith, and they are aware that I

would never, as they would never, tell them mistruths or invent things that

were not true. We all just know it through our deep faith and openness, and

because we are all of the same thinking.

A few nights later I woke up and knew what Mary wanted of me. She

wanted me to learn telepathy! She wanted to tell me: “Look, there is a kind

of communication that you need to learn now, you'll be able to usefully use

it and I will show you how”. Suddenly I realized that if I came during my

Rosary prayer to join the frequency of Mary, She showed it by lights and

flashing and twinkling in Her eyes, and my eyes were responding Her. The

whole thing was nothing but a telepathic transmission. I was so over-

whelmed during the first event, before all of this had became known to me,

that Mary had already surely spoken through my Heart, and thus brought

me through my intense feelings to tears. She had then let me pray, and after

praying the 'Hail Mary' three times, She began to transfer Her silent inner

messages to my inner consciousness. What She said and what the message

was, I was not then openly conscious of. Telepathy works rather like a

radio, there is a sender and a receiver on one and the same frequency. What

is said comes, as long as we are still not practiced in the receiving of it, to

reside silently within our inner consciousness as unspoken impulses.

82

I had tried it on that day a third time, and then it had worked right away.

Having prayed three times “Hail Mary”, it started. As soon as I started

thinking about it, I were falling down from the frequency and then the

blinking stopped abruptly. At the end I did not fail to pray to Mary, but

quietly and without demanding anything from Her. I do not want to

overburden Her; no, my respect and awe are still far bigger than my

curiosity, and also my Love for Her!

Telepathy is the language of the Saints to the faithful, it is the language of

the prayer to God and His helpers and it is the language of lovers, whose

Souls are at a very high level and can feel their way to each other and truly

connect together.

In the Cathedral (Dom) of Limburg there's also a great prayer area in the

Northern transept. Here is Mary, in gold, about five feet high, crowned as

the Queen of Heaven, with Jesus on Her right arm and with a sceptre in Her

left hand. She has a most beautiful face and is looking straight ahead,

whereas Jesus directs His gaze to the right. I love to sit on the wall ledge on

this side of Her.

It is a statue of Mary from the Mainz Baroque period, with its typical

smooth, flowing shapes and is thus about 300 years old. Under Her feet she

is supported by the globe of the Moon. This reminds me of the vision of the

woman's sign in the Book of Revelation: “A woman clothed with the Sun,

the Moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head”

(Revelation 12:1). Some figures are also presented with Mary having a halo

which contains twelve stars. The Early Church had already seen Mary in

the picture of this woman as representing the Church itself. If the Moon is

83

under Her feet it represents that this woman does not depend on the powers

and influences of Nature, but stands above all that.

In the middle of the Chapel area are two round racks stacked with many

small candles that worshipers light for their prayers. The area is quite dark,

and this helps even more with a very special atmosphere which invites to a

contemplative prayer and dialogue with Mary and Jesus. The modern

stained glass window overhead shows red dots rising that glow beautifully

in sunlight. They symbolize our prayers ascending to God. The wrought-

iron grille also contributes to the feeling of being protected.

In the September of 2008, when I was visiting Limburg for the first time in

the occasion of my daughter's Birthday, I visited also the Cathedral (Dom),

and I began to feel very at peace there. In the Maria prayer area previously

mentioned, I then lit a candle and wished, without unduly emphasizing it

however, that Mary should help me to find an apartment. I also wrote my

wish onto a prayer card and put it into the designated prayer box which the

two Dom Sisters (Franciscan Nuns) empty every night in order to recite

these prayers over once again to God. I find that this is a very helping

action on their part.

After spending a short time in the Cathedral of Limburg, I left and walked

down the adjacent narrow street lined with historic half-timbered houses on

either side, for approximately only 150 meters. My eyes fell upon a win-

dow of a tall and narrow house, on which was written on a paper the in-

scription: “Apartment for rent”.... I did not hesitate, and took out my cell

phone and rang the number inscribed. The house owner told me the size of

the apartment and invited me to a viewing appointment. On visiting it, I did

not hesitate and immediately agreed to sign the contract. Delighted and

84

filled with profound gratitude, I went to the Cathedral, and wrote on a

prayer card: “Thank you, the apartment has became a whole house in the

Domstrasse, greetings Monika Petry.”

It was some time later, in fact a year and a half later, during a visit with a

friend to the Cathedral, one of the Dom nuns showed my a treasure chest,

as she called it, where she had treasured special Prayer Cards, which of

course are kept anonymous. She picked one out at random and read:

“Thank you, the apartment has become a whole house ......” – “That's from

you,” she exclaimed in surprise, “what a coincidence!” No, there is no

coincidence – it is part of that which is always connecting us invisibly with

each other.

*

“From foolish devotions and sour-Saints

Save us, O Lord! “

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

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Sister Mary

One evening there stood a Nun at my front door and asked for admission,

and I granted her asylum. Let's call her Sister Mary. I had met her in the

Cathedral and had already spoken briefly with her. In the evening there she

was! After decades of a monastic life, she now faced a new challenge, that

was given to her by God and which she now bravely shouldered. Her new

life was not easy for her and left even to me significant effects. She left a

far deeper impression on me than I could ever have imagined. Without

realizing it, pioneering these two months of living together and maybe even

just in the first week, which was filled with intense conversations, started

me out on my own new life and my own transformation.

We had plenty of conversations, Sister Mary and myself. She was an expert

on the Gospel; she could sing the Psalms from beginning to end; she never

spoke in ordinary sentences; made no usual types of statements, she just

quoted the Holy Bible. Her favourite was Paul the Apostle, and he was

consulted on every topic. Even the Pope was our permanent guest. “If the

Pope knew,” Mary whispered emphatically at one dinner with a wagging

finger, as if to tell me a profound secret, “that in a private house, life can be

more monastic than in any monastery!”

This statement was an honour for me, and I will never forget it. I don't have

to join a Monastic Order in order to live with God to devote myself to Him.

On the contrary, only in the everyday life it proves how much a profound

Belief in God and a Love for all other Beings has already been internalised

within a Human Being.

86

In the weeks before the arrival of Sister Mary I had my focus on the

religious topics of 'Veracity’, 'Enlightened Faith', and 'Awareness'; terms

that I was eventually able to adopt as my own experience. However, in my

immediate vicinity I had no one else to talk to about such matters. Mary,

however, was delighted: “You know the Enlightened Faith!” She cheered.

Eventually, she herself had found someone to speak about her deepest

innermost concerns of faith.

Strictly speaking, it was my dear Sister Mary who encouraged me to write

this book. The fact that she had not found, after more than fifty years of

Monastic life, anyone else with whom she could talk so deeply about

enlightened faith, made me thoughtful. On the other hand, I also know a lot

of seekers who have got stuck on their way to God, ending up in all sorts of

dead ends through their anticipated void not being filled with God. Many

people are forever seeking God and thus they need others who can tell them

about God, particularly people who have made their own search and

followed their own special path in reaching that state of faith and

consciousness.

These persons would really honour Sister Mary! On one side she had the

necessary rigour but also the Love of God in her heart that always bubbled

out to others as soon as she spoke of Him. God bless my dear Sister Mary!

*

“Oh, Sisters, it is clear to see those

who possess the charity of living in Truth

and yet also where they are not always so perfect! “

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

87

VII.

Enlightened Faith

The enlightened faith, what I was talking about with Sister Mary, I know

of: For me it showed up with constantly alternating highs and lows, which

grew to true crises.

One morning I got up and felt completely overwhelmed. Instead of seeing

God's power and Love and the charismas of the Holy Spirit as a gift and

something to rejoice about, I saw only my own responsibility, forgetting

that I was still carried by God. I sometimes had the feeling of breaking

under it. For within me I felt a deep sense of guilt for all the misery in the

world. This was particularly so to me in the fate of people in my family and

friends that I could not turn into a positive outcome through my prayers to

God. He first of all had sent them through a deep valley of misery, so that

they could eventually come to their path of life.

Thank God I was able to pour my heart out to my pastor who then was able

to lead me towards understanding and compassion. This brought about a

complete change in me. My basic confidence then returned, my trust in

God, my deep Love for God, my humility and knowledge: Now everything

is all right, everything is seen to be good!

Teresa of Àvila mentions the path of God seekers: The first has, as a key

concept, Truth and Veracity, which goes hand in hand with Humility. When

finding the truth, one comes to perceive oneself as then being on a direct

path to God and that one has a lot to do for that.

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A most important part is the Purification process, the inner liberation that

opens one up to the Love of God and frees all blockages. This liberation

process takes place through inner prayer and includes confession, repen-

tance and atonement, which, however, may now be in a more moderate

form than in Teresa's lifetime. “The inner prayer is such an important point

that you can say it was the only way to get into this life of perfection and a

pure, selfless Love of the heart. All who want to be that true Christians are

appointed to this level of pure Love and perfection”, Teresa of Àvila wrote

in 'The Book of my Life'.

The advanced seeker of God passes over to the stage of Enlightenment and

the Oneness with God, the “Unio Mystica” – the mysterious union of the

Soul with God. As we know, this requires no special talent or training; no,

it really only needs the willingness to get fully involved with Him. God

gives Himself to us and admits us when we want to be open to Him. We

bear our secrets and are with Him living members of his Own – “appoin-

tees” – people who are “called” and through whom God speaks and acts.

We recognize more clearly the truth of our lives, and we recognize God in

all clarity.

God had led me thus to my enlightenment! Hearing Him with great respect

and sensing His reputation, I followed him. I know I must be careful, be

alert, always able to follow my inner guidance. If God wants to lead me

and I do not respond, I shall find I am getting nowhere. He leads us to truth

and clarity, to a veracity, and we never doubt it, we just know it is so!

In contrast to the Love that God gives us, without demanding anything in

return, He gives us the Light only if we help others through our Love and

compassion.

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“Do not ask for enlightenment, but ask only to be serving others.” Who had

said that I do not recall, but for sure it was a very enlightened person with

deep humility before God and all His creatures. We do not need to engage

in vigorous activism, we need only to be involved in serving others. His

Light will be shining forth from our deepest interior.

Sometimes I can see His Light as being quite expansive and brilliant.

Sometimes it only flashes as a small dot in front of me when I am relaxed.

But then I always know: “Aha, He's there!”

*

“The soul should not reflect on the understanding

and free itself into the arms of Love.

Then His Holiness will teach

what is to be done next.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

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The Light of God in Man

I have a favourite place during the Holy Mass when the Priest stands at the

altar and is lifting during the Transubstantiation the Host and the Commun-

ion Cup in the form of the Body and Blood of Christ. Then I close my eyes

and in my Mind's eye I see a shining Light from above over the crucified

Jesus and which also shines over the priest covering him completely. Then

the Priest turns unto Jesus, and Jesus is transforming through His Body and

His Blood our own body into a Light body. Furthermore, the male and

female principle is joined in us through the Bread and the Cup.

During the Pontifical Mass with our Bishop of Limburg, this Light of God

is even more impressive, because it then spreads down from the Cross,

from the Bishop in the middle, across to the left and right onto the officiat-

ing Priests and Deacons. The colours of Light dissolve from a milky white

to a warm golden yellow. If only I could paint it! For I see not only the

Human body, but the Light that illuminates them. This Light shines not

only from the outside into the person – no, I'm sure it has its counterpart

within the persons themselves.

I have experienced Priests with this Light coming out from them, with

Light rays shining out during the sermon and with the background

completely dissolving. These are our charismatic figures of Light, it only

comes from the heart and an indwelling Love. I therefore hope that every

priest should give as much time as possible to preparing himself for his

Mass. This can within us create passionate believers, as many of us are able

to see the Light! Even if it is not possible for all of us, but within our hearts

we can feel it all!

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In my treatment of a client, whether personal or by remote treatment makes

no difference, they then become very relaxed, and often they are emotion-

ally very touched, and the tears flow, and they often say: “I have seen the

Light”.

This statement may sound surprising, particularly the first time it happens,

but they are relieved when it happens a second time, although they are

secretly hoping it will, and in each person I can feel the awe, because they

all have gained an inner knowing: This Light comes from God, this Light is

God. We do not ourselves set in motion the Light – it is lit for us.

And once again God says “thank you” that one of His sheep has returned to

His flock.

*

“If Love is perfect,

it also has the power.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

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Mindfulness / Awareness / Enlightenment

This is the way:

– Learn to pray

– Solve blockages through forgiveness and liberation

– Learn to love

– Put aside pride / learn humility

– Reduce the Ego

– Learn mindfulness

Please also read the separate instructions in each Chapter.

Learning how to pray is described by Teresa of Àvila very accurately, so I

am following this closely in this book because she is the best teacher in this

regard. In all respects it is a matter of opening our Soul and to align our

consciousness to the essentials: to God or to His Son Jesus Christ who

leads us to His Father.

So it's ultimately all about the dissolution of forms. We change our thought

forms, our consciousness, our perception of who we are and how we should

behave. We reach a higher consciousness in truth, clarity and veracity –

and thereby our Soul is able to grow. It gets its breathing room. It may then

be able to develop. It can shine forth – it is the Light of God, it is the

Enlightened Faith.

For a better understanding, I will present to you once again how God

created us as Human Beings:

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God gave us His Light and Love

He is Love! So we are even in our deepest essence, Love. His Light shines

through our Soul. This Light we radiate outwards and illuminate our

surroundings, igniting the fire in the Souls of the seekers. A Light endowed

and loving person always becomes a magnet for other people. Such a

person attracts them, literally like moths to a light. It is the Light of God.

A little exercise in three stages:

– Imagine a mirror as large as possible. Look at yourself from the

viewpoint of an objective person and then describe that person in the

mirror. How is he/she looking, what is he/she emanating?

– Imagine a second mirror, and imagine God in it as a large, bright Light.

– Now you come again before your first mirror. You still have the idea of

the large bright Light of God before your eyes. And then look at the person

that is reflected in this mirror. Now connect that person in the mirror to the

shining Light of God.

Now you realize: This is you yourself, that's your own Soul, which presents

itself, connected with the Divine Light shining in front of you! You now see

God in yourself, you recognize yourself as a Divine Being, imbued with

Divine Love and Divine Light. You recognize yourself through the Eyes of

God, and you know God through your own eyes. The path to

Enlightenment is not far off.

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God gave us our Subconscious

Our subconscious mind with its emotions that we express in life as our

active emotions. Through these emotions, we are connected to our body

and our body with our subconscious. This expresses our feelings, which we

divide into two categories:

– The Divine emotions we feel in our heart and we radiate from our heart:

Love, joy, peace. These feelings are real, deep feelings and show our inner

connection with our Divine Being. True joy never changes into pain and

true Love never into hate. Our true inner Soul creates silence and humility.

– The bodily sensations: pain, sorrow, gaiety, lust, wellbeing, anger, hatred,

envy, etc. These feelings are short lived and within seconds can transform

itself into the opposite feeling. They create disruption and confusion within

us.

About the subconscious (and only about it!) we are connected with the

Divine within us.

God gave us our Consciousness, our thinking Mind

Therein resides the greatest asset we have for life: our Free Will. It is

untouchable. Just as God says: “Mine will be done”, He bequeathed us our

Free Will. We can be like Him! But we usually express something quite

different if we live according to only our own subjective will and then

impose our will on others. If we are stubborn and become egocentric: “I

want to do only my own will!”, then God's Will becomes far away from

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ours. Only with the words: “Thy Will be Done”, knowing God in us as part

of our true nature, that we are agreeing with Him and only then we become

a Divine Being and act in a Divine way.

Expressing our Free Will also means: we are always free to decide our own

thoughts and feelings. However, we may reject and banish them: “No, these

feelings / thoughts I do not want to express now! They will do me no good,

so I push them away from me.” Our thoughts and feelings are energy forms

that do not represent our true Self. We are free to change them at will and at

any time can decide upon expressing thoughts and feelings of joy and

Love. Or we make our hearts open wide and let God move into us.

God gave us our Body

While some primitive peoples still live naked in the bush, everything is

changing with increasing physical evolution and spirituality. The body is

seen for what it is: merely the covering of our sub-consciousness and

consciousness with which we live on Earth in dense physical matter, and

this shell is mortal. Our body is the only mortal part of us, but most of the

Western people put most of their energy into its conservation. The immortal

inner Being is neglected or completely forgotten about, and regarded by

many as not even existing.

Since the body expresses our Divine Being to the outside world, it is

important to treat it well, to maintain and respect it. We are committed to

give our body its rest and everything it needs from food. With any physical

abuse of it, we show that we do not respect the Divine within us.

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The act of physical Love should present itself as a devotion of the lovers

before God. Then all the assessments of whether it is a good or bad,

whether it is to be allowed or not, will no longer apply. God alone should

decide. He leads two people together through the joining together of their

Souls, and in that way He says “Yes” to Love.

Who else has yet the right to say no?

*

“Reason is good,

but better even,

is the Love

snatching us out of reason”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

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Thoughts and Feelings: Where do they come?

Mind

Our thoughts come from the Thinking Mind, this is a part of our

consciousness, located in the brain. Contrary to common belief, the brain is

not the most important part of Man, it is merely an illustration of our

consciousness and subconscious working in terms of our neuronal

functioning. The most important thing is and remains the Divine Inner Self.

Fictions

Our thoughts are often nourished by fictions, so-called well-worn sayings.

These are statements generally made and used by closely related persons.

Above all, Mothers are the main suppliers of these fictions. With this I do

not want to judge them. As a mother myself, I do know that they usually

“mean well” when giving forth such sayings as:

– “Going outside onto the road in the dark is dangerous”

– “All men only want one thing”

– “You should not travel on your own as a woman”

– “A fever must always be fought”

– “Decent girls do not do that!”

and many more such familiar sayings.

These sorts of thoughts, being fictions as mentioned above, make you

dependent, unfree, selfish, xenophobic – and sick. Multiple Sclerosis,

Fibromyalgia, Parkinson's Disease, these diseases are based on adopted

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mental “fictions”: the patient must emerge out of this negative cycle of

thoughts, to become once again healthy.

In the contrary, the blockages and negative patterns, the cause of all other

diseases whose core lies within our subconscious, must therefore be

resolved there.

Feelings

Our feelings come from our subconscious, the seat of our 'Inner Child'.

This Inner Child holds all the memories from ancient times, which are

transmitted through the DNA of the parents to the children. Our Inner

Child is happy when we recognize it as and treat it as such. As long as it

lives still unrecognized by our consciousness within us, it's sad and expres-

ses it by its emotions and occasional illnesses.

This does not mean that people who have realized their Inner Child, no

longer get sick. With each disease, however, our Inner Child shows what it

wants to be resolved.

Once we have found access to our Inner Child, it then can serve us. It

becomes our leader when we are looking for something, it shows us the

right direction if we are strangers somewhere. But only if we trust in it

completely and rely on it. If we are suspicious of it – such as “it can not be”

– then there is no way forward. Then it will retreat back inside. This

guidance through our Inner Child we call “intuition”.

Our Inner Child does not think for itself. It takes without comment and

objectively all the information, our own and from our environment. It is

99

able to feel; it then presents all our feelings outwardly as emotions ex-

pressed. It lets the tears flow, and it can also make us laugh. It triggers our

reflexes, including the reflexes towards perceived danger and also vague

fears. Even the yawn is a such a reflex, because it is programmed to the

cause of 'oxygen deprivation'. The Inner Child is the seat of the instincts

and the drive of all bodily functions. These are all primal instincts, the sur-

vival instinct, the sexual and reproductive drive, hunger, thirst, fatigue,

metabolism, etc. Our Inner Child is educable. We are educating it with our

consciousness. This is the external characteristics of evolution.

The people of modern times have neglected the development of their

subconscious mind and their Soul completely, and sometimes their exi-

stence is even forgotten. The Human instincts are often used for personal

satisfaction, perceived as a liberation, and when the fun ceases, it is sought

elsewhere. They go to a public confession in a television reality show, so

that every one may become aware of it, of course, this is primarily serving

their own ego. They preferably gain their knowledge in the quiz shows, be-

cause the participants will win money with their “wisdom”. The insights

and knowledge of others become their insights and knowledge. Most

people live the lives of others from movies and television and are members

of the “information society” with their virtual communication tools that

ultimately involve the danger of an ego-centred self and of self isolation.

The scientific revolution has driven the people out of their old field of

vision, as they just want to analyze, to know and understand. Their most

simplest and most important aspect, their own development towards God,

has been largely forgotten.

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Teresa of Àvila, in her book “The Interior Castle”, 1st apartment: “For

them it already had so become a habit, always treating with the creepier

and brutish things around the castle that they have already become almost

as bestial, although they are by nature so richly endowed and able to talk to

none other than God Himself. If these Souls do not endeavor to

comprehend their misery and its remedy, they must solidify to a pillar of

salt, because they do not look back on themselves (as it – in reverse –

happened to the wife of Lot, because she looked back).”

I am very confident this Age of time will be over soon.

*

“Nothing should frighten you,

nothing scare you.

Everything passes.

God alone remains the same.”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

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VIII.

Prayer

The Types of Prayer:

I rapidly moved from the 'Our Father in Heaven' prayer to the variants of

the Rosary as a meditative prayer up to contemplation. I did not practice

the classic meditation (I had no impulse to do that), but instead felt that

long walks and even car rides was a kind of meditation. One day I stood

beside myself, emptying my Mind and looked at everything from a higher

stance from above. Then came God to me, and since then I look at

everything through His eyes and let myself be guided by His helpers. Since

I had by then processed the overwhelming impact of our association and

am now able to handle it, it has become a pleasure for me to meditate.

Ideally, we live our lives in a life within ourselves and connected to God,

which includes prayer and meditation, and from this comes a permanent

union with Him.

Based on St. Teresa's prayer teachings in her books "The Inner Castle" and

"The Book of My Life" I will now cite the individual types and levels of

prayer and add explanations for the key concepts derived from the

publisher of her books, Dr. of Theology Ulrich Dobhan OCD.

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The Word and Mouth Prayers

These are to be prayed with either a strong voice or in quiet thought. These

are the prayers that most of us know: The Lord's Prayer; the Angelus (three

times daily when the bells are ringing); the Prayers at the Dining table; the

Prayers to the Virgin Mary and the Saints, etc.; The Rosary Prayers; the

Litanies and Novenas belonging to the rhythmic prayers.

The Inner Prayer / Contemplation

The Inner Prayer varies in the intention (for example: I am praying for my

clients or for myself on a specific request) and in the form (I'm talking to

God or I'm wide open and letting God be active within me). This can

alternate with the contemplation, in which God speaks within me. There is

no concrete talk, but it feels that way within my Soul. My Soul is with its

Friend and sometimes with its Father, is how I would describe it. Often all

kinds of feelings gets lost, then I realize that my eyes are somehow

changing to another level, it's rather like falling asleep. I first see His white

Light, and then nothing, only my Soul and God together – and when I come

back to Earth, I know I was at that time at my true home, far, far away from

Earth with Him, and He has accepted everything I have offered Him, and

He will fulfil it according to His Will.

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Levels of Inner Prayer

St. Teresa has created four levels in which a person progresses in their

development, during which they are sinking ever deeper into God and

finally God is communicating with them.

Stage 1: Meditation

Meditation is a contemplative prayer in order to know God better and to

learn to love Him. You for instance can select a topic from the Life of Jesus

and then try to get involved with it in thought. In this case the effort of the

prayer is prevailing; it is the practicing on a concentration of collecting

thoughts and ideals to engage with God. It is an attunement for contemp-

lation, in which the person is not only found by God but God is

communicating with that person. It seems to me that St. Teresa did not like

to meditate as well. She also describes water, as the element of emotion

that arises in meditation, as “carried by pipes”, whereas the “water” should

begin in and end in God (“The Inner Castle”).

Stage 2: The Heart's Prayer / Prayer of Recollection

This is the beginning of contemplation and the effort of the praying person

to make friends with God. The Soul goes inside and is searching for God in

the opening passivity. St. Teresa of Àvila called the prayer of the heart as

incomparably more useful and more enjoyable for God than the word and

mouth prayer. “We must learn to pray with the heart, what even silly per-

sons may be capable of, and not with the intellect. Let's pray a prayer of

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Love and not just one of profound reflection, a prayer of God's Spirit and

not of the mind of Man. But you want to perform magnificent and well

studied prayers. They may be decorated artificially and therefore which

makes them impossible to grasp, but the Spirit of God does not need such

decorating,” she writes with her Divine Temperament.

I myself surrender my Will to God, as St. Teresa advises us, thus to give

Him a free rein over me. I feel His Love within me. There is an appropriate

term: “Rain of Blessings” which we may feel during or after a prayer which

feels as a shiver on the skin or as a similar emotion in our Soul. Even those

persons in one’s proximity may feel the power of our prayers, since the

prayer surrounds itself with a sacred aura.

Stage 3: The Prayer to become One with Him through Union

St. Teresa distinguishes between several levels of Union: The less intensive

Union can happen during everyday life. Suddenly He is there and we are

with Him, and everything else is irrelevant. God's bright spotlight, as it

were His note: “Be still, Know, I am God”. The full Oneness with Him St.

Teresa referred to as the 'Sleep of the Soul capacities'. This is a technical

term for a pre-ecstatic prayer experience.

I call the perfect Union with Him (Mystical Union / Unio Mystica) as being

at One with God as pure Light. Since this state can only happen outside the

duality, the counterpart Man / God, in pure awareness, He brings a perfect

dissolution and detachment. Contrary to the oft-quoted silence / stillness

and emptiness spoken of by the Far Eastern religious teachers, I speak of

God as pure Light, and for one major reason:

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Since I have a responsibility to those people who confide in me, I wish to

emphasize: as long as I surrender myself to God and let Him lead me, He

will lead me towards His Light. A Mystical Union, a complete unification

happens only with and through God. God alone decides on the timing and

duration. I am not in alone in a void, but within Him and He in me! This is

a very important point! It is not about astral travel or out of body

sensations, rather, our Soul moves with God in its highest possible level of

consciousness. It becomes pure consciousness, one could describe it as

standing above or beside oneself, but never somewhere out in a void in an

empty space in the Universe.

There is a danger that people, happy to try out new experiments without a

true connection to God, will find themselves somewhere out there and meet

dark spiritual entities whom they cannot get rid of. This is not anything

willed by God, but He nonetheless leaves it to their endowment of Free

Will. I do not disagree with the Far Eastern teachers, it is good that they do

exist, but the word 'void' can quickly be interpreted incorrectly by

unconscious people. Void means pure consciousness that is no longer a

form, and that is God beyond our imagination in duality.

And something else is close to my heart: If I love God really and truly, I

must be able to confess to Him. If I am at One with Him, then what

remains else for me to do than passing on His Word, His Love to others?

How does it work out when I speak of the void? What is this word

expressing, what is this word creating in the hearts of Men? Emptiness!

Only when I speak of God, am I with God, I come from God, and God

creates in every man His Light and Love. So it is, and it always will be.

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Stage 4: The ecstatic Union with God

This is done in its various shades and degrees until the state of ecstasy.

This requires no manual, because those who experience this, is (sometimes

even in retrospect) conscious of the presence of God. To better understand

that deep feeling, which St. Teresa of Àvila was capable of, and which is so

often interpreted incorrectly by people who should better be silent, I quote

from Teresa’s “My Book of Life,” the following statements made by the

Editor, Dr. Ulrich Dobhan OCD, with his kind permission:

“Ecstasy

Stands for an experience of the highest concentration of all psychic powers,

which is not “feasible” but may overcome a Human Being as a side effect

of a particularly intense experience of God's presence (and other intense

moments of experience) without his own intervention. Thereby all spiritual

and psychic energies are taken shortly by this experience, so that the

peripheral activities of the psyche, like the senses, are temporarily reduced

or even completely abrogated. As part of the seeking for God are ecstatic

phenomena – if they occur with the seeker at all – typical of the transitional

phase, in which a man on the path of the Mystical Union has already well

advanced, but has still not reached the deepest union which is possible in

this life. Once the person has integrated the Mystical Union, the so-called

“spiritual marriage”, fully into his life, these para-mystical accompanying

symptoms usually stop. Teresa uses for the ecstatic phenomena a number of

terms as ecstasy, rapture, elevation of the spirit, repeal, etc., between which

she does not differ accurately in this work.

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Contemplation

It is not a special way of practicing prayer, but the gift of free self-

communication of God to the prayer, given to the prayer and thus

becoming more and more a silent receiver during the prayer of quietness or

the Mystical Union, without his own intervention in an ever wider and

more direct way. It is not feasible, but a pure gift, even if the Man may

prepare for it, by letting oneself into the inner prayer and Christian

discipleship in everyday life.

In contemplation, the prayer is given an intuitive hunch and sensing the

presence of God or Christ, which also awakens the Love of this mysterious

but very real counterpart. God Himself determines the moment when the

discursive viewing of meditation has to yield to the contemplation granted

by Him. Even in her deepest contemplation Teresa is remaining in dual

relation to Christ, and the best way to achieve contemplation, is to foster an

amicable relationship with the humanity of Christ, the Jesus of Nazareth, as

the Gospels describe. The path of contemplation is a long one of ever more

deepening Oneness with God, with ecstatic experiences and para-mystical

side effects, but which it does not necessarily always have.

Speech (Audition)

It stands for Teresa for an auditive inner perception as a mystical side effect

of contemplation, in which the person without his own assistance and

without hearing anything outside hears inner words that are indelibly

imprinting in him.

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Vision

It stands for an inner “vision” (in the broadest sense of the word) that can

occur to eidetic talented people, without their participation as para-mystical

side effects, from the intense experience of God in contemplation. Visions

and their auditory counterparts, internalised speech (auditions), occur

mainly during the incipient or remittent ecstasy, at the peak of ecstasy there

are no para-mystical experiences “.

End of quotes. For a better understanding: 'eidetic talented' means

visionary/imaginative.

*

“To pray is to stay inside with a friend,

with whom we are often alone,

Just to be with Him

because we certainly know

that He loves us.”

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

109

IX.

Forgiveness and Liberation

Sin, Repentance and Penance

The term 'sin' actually means 'misconduct in the path of the way' – I have

left my way of God's plan of Salvation, and this arbitrarily, i.e contrary to

better knowledge or by seduction. That is an excuse by people who don't

accept the responsibility for what they do: I have sinned – I must account

for it before God and myself. It is useless for me to complain, I was

seduced. I could have said no ...but I did not.

Often I am asked: “Is God a loving God or a punishing God?” I am

persuaded that God is Love. He not only loves – He IS the Love. God does

not punish, Love can not punish, Light can not punish. Although we believe

in a personal God, He is not an evil Overlord holding a cane in his hand.

For myself, God is not to be described as merely a person or a picture, He

is above all that. He is Infinite Love, the overwhelming Light.

As for the punishment of sin, I say: I am punishing myself for this sin! I

punish myself because I'm creating my misconduct through negative

reactions that set the Law of Cause and Effect into motion. As long as I do

not accept responsibility for the bad I do, I need a punisher on the outside.

The “Wrath of God hovering over the people” ... Let us instead become

small and humble, we have only the Loving God above and within us!

According to the Universal Law of Attraction, I attract a punishment to

myself. If I lie, I will then find that I am being lied back to myself. If I

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cheat, I will find that I am being cheated back in return. If I kill, I may not

be killed in return, but my life might be ruined when I'm in jail. Thanks to

our innate sense of wrongdoing, my Soul knows what is right and what is

wrong, and my Soul may as a consequence be suffering very much. It

becomes ashamed and dares not to face God. It hides and closes up. It does

not feel worthy to pray. Our prayers are therefore not going to God! Then

we become separate Beings from God and our Soul suffers terribly. This is

the real punishment that we can inflict upon ourselves.

How do we get out of this dilemma? Through repentance – by asking for

forgiveness and penance. Due to the regret expressed by the Soul, the

blocked connection to God is re-opened, and our prayers reach Him once

again. Then we can ask Him for forgiveness, and God forgives us.

Does He really forgive us? How do we know that He has forgiven us? We

can only recognize it by our own Love for God, created by our true faith in

Him. Faith is trust. To to love God is to believe in God and trust Him. We

know He is Love, He can not help but love us and forgive us as well. No

Love, no faith – no faith, no forgiveness.

If we do not believe that God can forgive us, we cannot accept that He may

give us His forgiveness – not in any way. And so we commit the next sin:

we fail to love Him with all our heart.

In order that God might deliver us from our guilt, we think. “I must do

something, so that I am loved”. As well as I had to be nice with Mum and

Dad, so that they loved me in response, I now suppose I have to be loving

before God in the same way, which means to repent, so that He loves me

again.

111

This is called Salvation activism. To do penance is not bad itself, providing

it does not degenerate into senseless, self-destructive acts like self-flagel-

lation, etc. On the other hand, a constant attitude of self-reproach and

wailing that “I have sinned” may be equally harmful. Often people are

bearing constant feelings of guilt, because they cannot believe they were

ever forgiven by God. They may know no different from their parents.

Again and again they may have been reproached for their misdoings, when

it was repeated over and over: “In those days you did this and that.” The

parents were in that case playing off their power and abusing their child's

Soul. Of course they themselves may have been eaten by fear, but they

have made no attempt to convert this fear into Love.

You can stop the drama of the continuing debt in forgiving yourself first.

This will help you to rise up and once have the greatness of taking on

responsibility for something by yourself. Those permanently casting the

blame on others, are the first ones to say: “It was not my fault!”, whenever

something unfortunate happens. So you must take on your share of

responsibility for everything, forgiving yourself and loving yourself – as

Jesus said, “Love others as yourself”. Loving yourself means you are then

also able to love others, your children, your partner, your friends. And you

will be able to forgive them, instantly and forever. This is true liberation on

all sides.

It is important to accept the responsibility for our sins as our own wrong-

doing, repenting and showing a sense of awareness of this. That is our

willingness to undergo penance. The Priest will ask us after making a Con-

fession to pray one or more of Our Father’s Prayers or the Rosary Prayers

and grant us the Condolences of the Liberating Blessing. In my own opin-

ion, the Heart's payer and the contemplative prayer are very useful because

112

we can offer our apologies to God from within our deepest heart. We do not

even need to say anything, as He knows what we have on our mind! And I

can also tell you something else: God has indeed forgiven us long ago! As I

have previously said: He can not help but loving you, and to love means to

forgive.

Of course that means no free pass given out for our sins. Our Soul will be

suffering, He arranged for that when first creating us: He planted in our ori-

ginal pure Soul a highly sensitive sense of wrongdoing, and that should al-

ways come forth, unless we have buried it through a long history of wrong-

doing, but that situation will not last forever. There comes a day when even

the greatest sinner will finally discover his inner conscience and will be

found to be crying. Then God will again play his trump card of grace. The

trump card of eternal Love and constant forgiveness.

Even at the thought of so much generosity from God, I fall on my knees in

gratitude and humility. Of course we should nevertheless learn from our

misconduct – because that is the sense arising out of sin, and that is the

meaning of life: to learn and grow.

There are great works of true forgiveness. A few months ago I took notice

of a sermon by a charismatic Priest on the persecution of Christians

throughout the world. I was in a complete turmoil by this, so that God let

me work the next two months on half power, in order not to fall into blind

activism, which may have just made everything worse. Because suffering

produces further suffering, strife generates further strife, fighting generates

further fighting.

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At almost the same time, I saw the film by Xavier Beauvois, “Of Gods and

Men,” a film about the 1996 murder of Monks in the Monastery of Tibhiri-

ne in Algeria. For me it was a touching movie about Love and forgiveness,

without which no Love is possible. When reading the text of the farewell

letter of the Abbot, in which he gave a testimony of his great Divine Love

for all people, I knew I was right in my faith in the Divine! I quote his most

important sentence for me in his farewell: “And also you, my friend of the

last minute, will have no idea of what you're doing. Yes, even to you, I wish

to express His Grace and Glory, because you led me to God. A-DIEU. "

http://www.vonmenschenundgoettern-derfilm.de/start.html

À Dieu – a French word of goodbye which means “to God” – Jesus also

walked at His Crucifixion with the words: “Lord forgive them for they

know not what they do!”

Only with Love and forgiveness can we move forward, with God's Light

we can shed some Light into the hearts of the people who are transforming

this Light into the 'Light of the World'. The world itself is not existing,

there is only the individual whose attitude radiates outward in the form of

Light or darkness, hatred or Love or anything in between. Jesus brought the

Light to Earth and to Men, planting it in our hearts. It is up to us to create

something greater from out of it.

*

“Love arouses Love again”

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

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X.

Healing through Faith and Prayer

Jesus asked the patient: “Do you want to be healthy?” (John 5, 6). This is

the question I also always ask. Thus the patient is prompted to be aware of

whether he or she really wants to be healthy with all the subsequent conse-

quences, which are: ending of government Sickness Benefit, Disability

Benefits with all their useful advantages; or simply to make him-/herself

interesting in conversations, such as: “I know all about diseases ...”, or “I

am asking for leniency as I am so sick ...” – and so on…

I've learned to say “No” to people who think they can be given a “fast”

healing, or without contributing anything themselves to a fast recovery. I've

learned to wait instead, until the time comes when they are truly prepared

to participate. Then and only then will the Holy Spirit within me begin to

work and give me the impulse for praying. The Holy Spirit is connecting

with me, as I can then feel it pulsing within my forehead, also often with

tears coming to my eyes. I incorporate the patient in our midst, so he/she is

united with me and with God. Sensitive people are able to feel it, they see a

Light or feel a great warmth. The prayer goes like a wave, I feel that

something gets moving. On this level, I'm not talking any more. I don't

exist anymore, I am merged with God. The deed is done.

Whether an illness or disease is concerned or alternatively for personal or

professional changes, HE is reliable and brings the necessary changes to

the persons' Life Plan, and which can herald a major change or upheaval in

the life of a client. I am now so sure that a healing prayer works only when

the Holy Spirit is also working in me; that is, if not even the desire or the

will to pray comes of my own Will, but that the Holy Spirit Himself brings

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it forth. That requires infinite confidence, not only in God, but also in

myself and everyone involved. For the way of life, the way of Salvation is

not always the easy way. It does not always mean physical health. It is the

path of the Soul to its Salvation, whatever path it takes.

St. Teresa of Àvila also mentions in her book, 'The Interior Castle', that the

person to whom God gives no physical strength, does not have a need for

it. The more reason He gives to that person for a better understanding.

Through my prayers for a person, something often then happens in their life

that moves them or sometimes even forces them to change their life style.

And these events indeed may well be fear-inspiring, how else some people

could be moved enough to make a major change or a complete reversal?

All in all it is nonetheless important to remember that the “Free Will” God

has given to Mankind, He always considers as His Sacred Gift to them!

A healer should never himself suffer vicariously with the client. Such suf-

fering would put us on the level of the client’s own suffering, the very

suffering that he would like to leave behind with our help. We must always

be one step higher in order to be able to pull up our clients. Not sustaining

or shoving from below, but pulling up from above. At a higher level at

which the client can then again find Love, laughter, and joy in life in gene-

ral. Not suffering but empathizing with him. If we let ourselves be drawn

into the co-suffering, we lose too much of our own power. We cannot af-

ford to do this. So I was once advised: “If you care too selflessly, you are

fading. Also a mother should in her Love to her children make sure that this

Love is directed first and foremost to God and then on to her children. Then

God takes care of them all. This also applies to Healers and other helpers.“

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*

“God and I united –

we are always the majority! “

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

Case Study: Joana from Salzburg

Joana (name changed) and her young Son were my first mission as a

Healing Traveller and also my most beautiful. Six weeks after the birth of

her baby, she phoned me from the hospital. She reported that her Son had

been born with hydrocephalus and should be operated on. She was very

scared. I reassured her, because I knew intuitively: Everything is good! A

few weeks later she called again. Her Son had undergone surgery and she

could now go home with him. She asked me to come to Salzburg, because

she was alone and needed me. I agreed and travelled to Salzburg.

Joana was only in her early twenties and had been so worried. Her small

Son felt not good on the day of my arrival. Joana put him in his bed, and he

wept. I went to him and put a picture of the Virgin Mary next to his head. I

could see the surgical scar, it was already well healed. The little boy turned

his head to one side as if he was able to recognize Mary. He became quiet

and fell asleep.

An hour later he woke up and glowed. He had a fever and was crying. I

took him in my arm and held my hand on his heart. Joana was very calm

and wondered about her own peace. “Normally I would immediately call

the doctor,” she said, “but I know it's all right.” We decided to let it all

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come to us and trusted in God's guidance. Joana undressed the little one

down to the diapers. I was surprised, but she said they did this at home in

Zagreb so that the body would not heat up. Okay, I accepted, as she was the

mother, and she seemed to have the intuitive knowledge of all mothers. She

would not take any risk.

I took the picture of St. Mary out of the bed and placed it on the table. Then

I rubbed the little glowing boy with Holy Water, took him in my arms and

prayed. Suddenly everything changed: He started to scream, his whole

body was very red, and finally took a huge cleansing. Joana washed him –

and he was completely purged! The fever decreased immediately, and he

was now quite calm and seemed to fully recover!

This was something I had never seen before, although I had already treated

some babies. Joana was also very surprised, but she knew where all this

came from. She was convinced that Mary was among us. Because Her

picture radiated a great power and so did my hands too. They were very hot

and swollen, as if the energy of the little boy had moved into them. Even as

I write this now, it makes my flesh creep, and I also am feeling a great

respect for all mothers with their concerns about their children.

*

“The Lord does not appear to look so much by the size of His works

as the Love

by which they are done “

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

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The greatest Secret of Healing

I consider the cooperation with our ancestors as the greatest mystery of

healing. Knowing which line of ancestors we need to heal and practicing

with these Souls the forgiveness, the way for any large and all-

encompassing healing to come forth. We liberate thereby ourselves from all

blockages, and this in turn leads to an opening up of the Soul. God gives us

every possible support. We're paving the way for the sanctification of our

whole Family! For our own Family is a part of the entire Holy Family. As

we become whole, each one of us, we are healing the complete Holy

Family and also the entirety of Mankind.

So we have to forgive our ancestors and also ask them to forgive us, in

order for us to become healthy and being able to heal them. This is our fate.

We must go through our process of destiny, in order to purge ourselves and

to become pure Souls. Thereby we eliminate the Eternal Cross that we im-

pose on our children by clinging to them after dying in order to be healed

by them. We must heal ourselves during our life and be healed by God.

This is the progress we must make in our evolution. To forgive and to for-

get. To condone the sins of others. To dedicate ourselves to God. This will

free us for eternity with God.

How do we forgive our ancestors? It is only possible with the heart, not

with the mind. The simplest would be to love ourselves and to ask God to

forgive us and our ancestors. But when we are sick and need to make this

forgiveness work, so that we can become well again, our self-Love leaves

much to be desired. So we must begin with God. Let us ask God for for-

giveness. This request is contained in the prayer Our Father. “Forgive us

our trespasses as we forgive others.”

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Or we are talking with our own words from our open heart: Then we are

asking our brothers and sisters, our parents, grandparents and great grand-

parents to apologize. Express to your ancestors your forgiveness, and ask

them for forgiveness. Please say: “Please forgive me, I love you.” – Repeat

this sentence very often, like a mantra. “Please forgive me, I love you.”

Asking for forgiveness means taking responsibility. I take my share of

responsibility because we are each a part of the whole, the Holy Family.

Take a couple of day’s time for this exercise. Your illness also took a while

before it showed itself as such. So also will your recovery take some time.

Spontaneous healing, for which people are expecting when treated by a

Healer, are only a sign from God that He has heard them. He grants them

the grace of spontaneous healing, to give them courage. In this moment of

spontaneous healing their Divine original substance is shining through –

utterly healthy and pure. However, no one will remain healthy without his

own cooperation. Forgiveness represents an important part of this healing.

Equally important is to be able to believe after the concluding work of for-

giveness in its success. The slightest doubt would destroy everything again,

so do believe that God has heard you, that is important! Your parents,

grandparents and great grandparents have heard you. This happens through

the Soul. There is never any thought lost, no word, no tears, I promise you!

I've seen people in my healing practice who were not able to undertake this

forgiveness. Some could not find the right access to the deceased. Many

have first to learn that the dead are always in touch with us. This thinking is

not commonplace, and often this subject is simply suppressed. I'll help you

asking them for forgiveness. On behalf of all the ancestors of my clients, I

ask God for forgiveness.

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In the mystical Kabbalah there are beautiful meditations for the healing of

the deceased. Very simple (if you do not precipitate any problems), and

very effective!

God will be pleased – and your ancestors, too! Believe me, I feel this joy

in every Soul! Of course also in your Soul!

*

“I am amazed at the damage of the contact

that can be caused by relatives.

In my view one can only believe

if one has experienced it. “

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

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Case Study:

Mr. Becker from Hamburg

It was a year ago. A Nun told me that she had recommended me to a friend

in Hamburg. Her husband was very ill, and they wanted to call me, which

they did the next night. Mr. Becker (name changed) could hardly speak, he

was completely dazed. I immediately knew there was something happening

that was very powerful, that there was a strong force in action. I asked him,

intuitively, if his father was still alive. He negated this, and I asked him to

speak with his father and forgive him. Mr. Becker was not able to talk

anymore, and so his wife took over the phone. She explained that the

relationship between her husband and his father had not been very good,

and that her husband had now reacted in a very concerned way. I promised

to pray for him and we ended the conversation.

A few days later, the Nun told me that on the next day Mr. Becker was

admitted to hospital. His illness had become so strong, that his life had to

be put to the rescue in the ICU Unit. And they succeeded in this. However,

Mr. Becker spent over a year in hospitals and rehab clinics. After almost

exactly one year he called me back and told me that he had received that

day the joyful message from the Doctors that his illness was now healed. I

could confirm it myself, although I may not enquire about any diagnoses

made, nor did I want to, because that's not part of my job. But I knew this

disease was over, and he does not need the experience of it anymore,

because his Soul is healed. And he had at the same time healed his father

and probably his whole family! Then he told me how he fared a year ago.

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When I had told him that he should deal with his father, he collapsed

inwardly and thus his blockade, which he had built up over years. His body

erupted indeed, and the Doctors fought for him and rescued him, because

God did not yet want him to come. Mr. Becker then did contact his father

and also God. He was a believer, that was probably his rescue. For God

sent his father to him so that they could heal together.

During our telephone conversation, he cried again and could hardly speak

through Love and gratitude. What he had suffered was beyond his

understanding. God had given him a new life – and he came to terms with

his father. Now he was, at 67 years, full of confidence and now looked at

his life as being a new gift. This year he was able to celebrate Christmas

with his wife, which last year was not possible.

*

“Do we have wings,

to go in search of our self?

One needs only to go into solitude. “

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

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XI.

Humility

“Take me as I am” or:

My Path through the Eye of the Needle

One day I found the “Jesus Prayer”, also called Heart's Prayer, or Perpetual

Prayer, according to the exhortation of the Apostle Paul to “pray without

ceasing”. In the meantime I have found several differing versions. My vers-

ion reads: “Jesus Christ, have mercy on me. Take me as I am, and make me

like you want me to be.” And thus God heard me. He has taken me just as I

was, He forced me to really give myself to Him, ready to give up myself to

the last. I went through this “Needle's Eye” as the camel did in the Bible:

“It is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye than for a rich man to

enter the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:25)

God is a tough master, He obviously saw clearly that there was still some

capacity within me available, that there was worthwhile room to sharpen it

into perfection. “Take me as I am,” proved my basic trust in Him. I trusted

Him completely and gave Him my Soul, and since then He has formed me

into the Soul He wants me to have. And then He returns it to me.

If we are willing to give everything, we will get everything back, all that

we need. While there remains a doubting “yes, but” on the tongue it does

not work. “Yes, but” God hears not, that does not fit with His wishes.

Either we give all or nothing, compromises are not accepted. We must

deliver our self to Him completely.

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The Eye of the Needle is the gateway between our existence, with all its

restrictions and encumbrances, and the joys of Heaven on Earth.

St. Teresa of Àvila came to the knowledge that in every moment of one’s

spiritual life one must let go of each moment achieved in order to further

progress internally. Failing that, we will remain at a previous stage of deve-

lopment. We can become either too tired, too complacent, or too arrogant

and proud and then we no longer know what it is all really about. Then the

smallest crisis that will arise can throw us completely off track. This is be-

cause we think we have achieved everything on all our own. We lack the

humility to be aware that we are not only created by God, but that we exist

out of His Love. We can only grow through recognizing our own limits and

abilities and to always put them to God's test.

Would you like to try it too? Take a large darning needle in hand, look at

the eye of the needle, and become humble! Make yourself very small. Fall

down on your knees – symbolically, or in reality. Trust in God. You have to

deliver everything to Him, to hand over everything to Him completely.

Really nothing should remain, and if you try cheating on this it does not

really help, and again, why should we even try? He knows everything

about us anyway, even if you think you have an imaginary ace up your

sleeve. This is never to be possible with God! You must give up everything

and get in return everything you need; if you do not give forth everything,

it will not work.

If you have passed through the “Eye of the Needle”, leave it to God as to

what He gives back to you. Then you can be truly assured that it will

definitely be the right thing for yourself.

125

My first experience with the “Eye of the Needle” occurred within a major

decision-making phase I was to make during a five-day stay in a monastery,

and which was to cause me to change fundamentally. What was at work in

those five nights, I do not entirely know, but I suspect that it was my taking

a complete detachment from everything Earthly.

In any case, after I return-ed home everything seemed different. God had

made the decision that He did not want me to stay in a monastery, but

instead He wanted me to remain within everyday life to talk about His

Love and my Love to His living Church, and radiate that outwards to

others. I have since fulfilled this request with increasing joy and passion.

I repeated the exercise of the 'Camel going through the Eye of the Needle'

several times and came to the following experience: Everything cleared and

sorted itself out as if by magic. The people I loved returned to me imme-

diately. Their Souls seemed even in a hurry to return to me. Yes, it was

actually much simpler and clearer. My Soul was now cleansed and freed

and cleared of doubts, fears, etc., and now I knew how it should continue

onwards.

However, not everybody came through with that particular exercise. Some

people continued to remain on their previous track, not of course without

my having asked for it or wishing them at all to stay as they were. We have

no further correspondences and parted our ways; on the other hand we all

were aware that it was best thing to do. Thus there remains no bitterness or

recriminations, it's just the way it had to be. God has purified our actions,

and He has given us at the same time consolations so that it would not be

hurtful.

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We will always feel the need to ask God, fearfully, that He may return us

back on the correct path and then everything will be once again correct,

complete and well sorted out. We should not do otherwise and why should

we? He after all knows everything that is best for us! So, at least we need to

ask for nothing or to expect anything – always in the knowledge that He

will give us the right thing for our needs.

What is it that we really want? – Yes, I know: We all want to be happy. We

simply can never really not get rid of our fears, that God might overlook

something we want or that we do not want to let go of someone or cannot

still let go, because we are always hoping for something more. We are

always concerned, we always have to monitor everything! We will not even

let God work in peace! Rest assured, God knows whether this person or

this thing still makes sense in your life. If so, the person will indeed come

back, but if not, then it is still for the best!

Humility also means trusting. Basic trust that everything is for the better,

everything will in the end be fine. I have to believe that I am worth it to

myself, and because I am also worth it to God. The greater I want to be in

His eyes, the smaller I need to make myself. He overlooks me not!

For Teresa of Àvila, humility played a central role in her spirituality. She

called self-importance as the exact opposite of humility. According to

Teresa, self-importance is what we now call the Ego, which can represent a

serious obstacle to any progress in spiritual life, since Man derives his

identity and self-confidence from his ego-centeredness, rather than building

it up by the truth before God. “Great is the cunning and malice of Satan,

who Hell sets in motion a thousand times to make us believe that we have a

virtue that we do not really have – and he does it for good reason: because

127

it can create so much damage because of its imaginary virtues – it’s origins

are always accompanied by so much ambition, while the others, upon

whom God has bestowed his favours, are free from conceit and arrogance.”

*

“His Holy Majesty likes brave Souls

and is always a friend of theirs,

if they go their ways in humility

and not building upon their own Selves. “

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

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XII.

From Love to Enlightenment

Love

In the first seven years we have created our ideas and beliefs within us. Of

course we become mature and grow up, but we are basically during our life

ruled by a small child that lives in our subconscious and does not know its

true Self. This little child is called the Inner Child. It takes everything for

granted, it can not judge and does not think. But it can love. It wants to love

– if it was not so scared. This fear is stuck within our Inner Child through

old recurring patterns.

We create our own reality. Before we have not understood and internalised

this fact, we remain the victims of our personal circumstances. We remain

the victims of fate, remain dependent on our parents, teachers, pastors,

partners and even our children. We remain powerless and afraid. We live in

a constant state of deficiency. We lack Love and joy, money and labour, we

lack the right house and the better car. Once we have achieved one of these

items, we create within ourselves a new lack. These are our patterns, and

like attracts like.

How do we get out of this cycle? Once we raise up and take responsibility

for ourselves, we start to become aware of ourselves and then have the

choice to change something. This responsibility for ourselves and our

dilemmas is: Love. We are the Love, because we are children of God,

because God is Love. Everything else is an illusion, a misconception,

reasoning on the myth to not meet the demands of others. Love becomes

our Salvation. Our true freedom and ultimately our Salvation will be the

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result, if we love ourselves, beginning with our Inner Child. First we have

to take on the responsibility for our reality around us and then we have no

choice left but to love.

The opposite polarity of Love is fear. Any emotional reaction that is not

done out of Love is an expression of fear. We have given it different names:

anger, envy, greed, abuse, frustration, stress, etc. All these come out of our

fears. And these fears are the only reason for the suppressing Love.

How do we suppress the Love? We cover it up and whitewash it. We appear

to be strong, we manage to carry it off quite well, we don't even admit that

to ourselves. We talk it away, drink it away, smoke it away, work it away.

We even pray it away, and even this is happening at a superficial level,

because the prayer does not flow through the heart, but only through the

mind. We are like drowning men, whose forces become less and less.

How can we reverse our fears through Love? By accepting them and above

all taking responsibility. What is not ours, we can not change. We cannot

change the outside, but only our inner Self. So we go where the fear

resides, meaning going into our subconscious, where our Inner Child has

this fear lurking! Let's talk with our Inner Child, let's embrace it. Yes, you

must embrace yourself and sense yourself! Your Inner Child is sensing your

presence, so you must speak to it as a mother, a father. Only now will the

energies flow, and the chemistry of your body will start to change. The

neurotransmitters flow that message throughout the body from your brain:

We love you, we are happy! The muscles relax, the heart expands, you

begin to feel a rising sensation of heat, the eyes glisten, the mind becomes

calm ... – It is purely and solely the feeling of Love that you need to change

130

within everything around yourself. Our mirrors on the outside will show us

how we have greatly changed.

Now you will say. “Yes, but that does not last forever”. – Why not? Be-

cause you may have a relapse. Well, then just embrace yourself again. You

are continually doing it with your children, or even with your dog or your

cat. Since we find it works, we stroke our children and pets and animals

again and again and offer them friendly and comforting praise. We are not

that different from them within our deeper Inner Self, our Soul. We are our

own Inner Child.

I hear yet another argument from you: “Yes, but this world around me, I

can not only love everything and everybody, I must define and defend my

own Self, I have to show who I am.” Okay, just show it! Show that you

have a big heart! Show the people of the world around you that it can only

work with the giving of Love. Do you think that a single Man in this “evil

world” is really so bad? Or is he just a victim of his poor, abused Inner

Child? Do you not think that the biggest villains out there could not im-

prove themselves if only they could learn to love themselves and thereby

become respected by their friends and many others? Of course you have the

right to defend and define yourself. Just stay calm and retire. You have

nothing to do but love yourself, love your Inner Child, love your partner,

your children, your friends. This Love will radiate into your environment,

and you contribute to a transformation of the world.

Unfortunately, I have to admit that this does not work everywhere. We can

not always save the world, we can only contribute to a better world. But we

can at least save ourselves. Once we have chosen to love, everything nega-

tive becomes our past, and it all will be forgiven and forgotten. You can try

131

to bring forth many counter arguments, as many as you wish, but I can re-

fute every argument brought up with just a single sentence: “It is only

working through Love.”

How do I know that, you ask? Because God is made up of pure Love! So

Love is the only way forward. I have fully experienced the anxiety, the fear

of loss, too. But – I have discovered the power of Love! The more I talk

about Love, the more passionate I become about the subject. And I will be

watching with joy as you blow yourself up out of your ego and gradually

collapse into your Inner Self again. Your heart may open out only slowly,

because usually you are stuck within your power of intellect, that which

was really only created to serve the purposes of your heart. Only if your

mental “Yes, but”, has become a more heart-oriented “Well, maybe”, can

we thank the good Lord that He again has converted another person to

Love, and that could be you!

For this would be the true conversion to Love. Not just quoting the Bible

from beginning to end and forever praying! You just need to love! Every-

thing else will come by itself. “These things I command you: to love one

another” (John 15, 17). Even if those who talk professionally about the

power of Love show in various life situations, where clarity and truth has at

last come to Light, that they have barely opened out their hearts, and this

due to their fear of confrontation with their own Inner Self, their Soul, I

know, it may be lonely in Paradise. There are many people standing in line

to enter Paradise, but they do not know how to open out their hearts in

order to gain entry.

Even with the Love of God we behave with our long acquired and adopted

patterns. Active Christians may display a Christian piety of doing “good

132

deeds” (that means, I must fulfil the need to do something good): “I must

pray three Rosaries every day.” – “I have to go to Communion every day.”

These are our targets to ourselves, so that God may love us. Why do we not

believe that God loves us always? That He loves us even before we do

something for Him? God IS pure Love, pure Light. He not only Loves, He

IS the Love. Please do not get me wrong: Of course it's wonderful to pray

to God every day and to join regularly in Communion with Jesus. Thus we

show God that WE indeed love Him and praise Him. With our Rosary

prayers, we ask Mother Mary for Her intercession. We ask for Her

assistance in our development. We ask for Her help in humility, in the care

and Love to others. But even if we are not doing this, God loves us anyway

because we are His Children. We may even be doing ourselves a favour if

we do good unto Him, because by doing that we can give calmness to

ourselves and even give us the feeling that we are uniting with Him.

Uniting ourselves with God, our heart opens automatically; this in turn

makes us healthy, calms us, takes away our worries and fears. Even if we

can not do it sometimes, for whatever reason – God still loves us! He has

created us and He is our Loving Father forever. Just as you love your child-

ren as a mother and father. Of course you do not like everything they do,

but you still love them. It should ideally be all-embracing and unconditio-

nal. The capacity for Love among mankind depends very strongly on the

ability to love God. I love God happily, freely and with a pure heart, so I

can love the people in the same way: all-embracing and unconditionally.

Love is the natural expression of our own Being.

Our ultimate goal is to unite ourselves with God and merge with Him. It is

a development, a steady increase in our consciousness. We achieve this in-

crease only through our Love, which in turn creates a higher vibrational

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Light Body within us. We cannot rise up from zero to a hundred per cent

overnight. We need to rise slowly. With only a small heart, we cannot re-

ceive Jesus, we would burn up. I have mentioned this in several chapters.

This consciousness is perceptible, it is felt in our hearts through the

emotion of Love, and can be a very painful experience if we are not pre-

pared for it. We should not hope to obtain all the pleasures in the “Here-

after” that we deny ourselves in this world. We need in the afterlife waiting

for our descendants to take pity on us for our healing, that we may heal

ourselves through their healing. Why do we trample life on Earth under

foot and hope for something we will never have, if we do not in this life

prepare for it? We may not be able to receive all the pleasures in life,

because we simply are unable to access all our emotions of Love, but

nevertheless have to develop it. Every person goes up to the Afterlife with

the amount of heart opening gained on Earth. They cannot jump from

being an emotionally cold egoist to becoming an exuberant loving person.

This would be pure utopia for those who want to escape desperately from

Love.

This means that we must as a Human Being on Earth learn to love. We

must first know what Love means. It is the Love that develops in the heart.

It is the Love with which we learn to love ourselves first, and then our

partner and at the same time all the people around us. It is the Love with

which we can give each other the strength to be capable for the all-

embracing Unconditional Love.

*

“I think it is impossible

that Love can constantly be stepping on to the spot unrequited.”

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

134

The Dolorism of Christianity

Unfortunately, many Christians fall prey to the principle of Dolorism, that

of self-punishment. The ban to experience something exhilarating is a

common form of self-punishment. They want to suffer. They think they

have to suffer because Jesus suffered. It is a form of fiction or thought-

blocking, as I previously described in another chapter. We think we have to

suffer.

As long as we are thinking we do not love, as also St. Teresa of Àvila

expressed it: “It is important not to think much, but to love much” (from

“The Inner Castle”), I repeat this: God is pure Love, God is joy. His Son

died for us on the Cross so that we can be redeemed and illuminated by the

Light of God, the Divine Light. He took us to His Cross so that we can

converge with God, so that we too can experience the Love and joy.

Suffering cannot always be avoided. Our Salvation is paved with crises,

suffering and misery. We suffer through the loss of a loved one or a loved

pet, we suffer because of unfulfilled Love, we suffer because of an illness.

The suffering has a purpose: it makes us grow. Accept every sorrow, every

crisis and every disease as an opportunity for growth! Thus the greatest

distress can make sense.

Many people believe they must suffer in order to save their family mem-

bers. How can a child be healthy if the mother is always unhappy? Suf-

fering produces sorrow – joy produces joy! If the suffering prevails in your

family and pushes down everyone, you must first accept it, in order to re-

lease it. Take responsibility for it and you realize that you do not need the

grief, because Jesus Christ took upon Himself the suffering. He is risen,

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and therefore we are risen, mature, and happy Christians, having the right

and duty to share this joy in the form of Love.

Practice the forgiveness for your family members, as I have explained in

the chapter 'Forgiveness and Liberation'. You will see: You too can stand up

again and live with joy!

*

“Pray not for lighter loads,

but for a stronger back.“

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

136

The Ego

If our heart is aflame with the Love for God and Man, it will feel the need

to pour out this Love and send it out to everyone. This Love is an all

encompassing force, it relates to Heaven and Earth and all living creatures

and is unconditional, no if’s and but’s; and it is creative, because with this

Love we are creating new Love, healing and well-being. This Love works

by itself, it renders impossible the judging and condemning of others. And

it is endless, because out of its glow arises always another new flame – our

Mind with its reason and its will are powerless against that.

However, our Ego behaves in a contrary way. It denies Love and sows

jealousy, hatred, violence and war. Because of our ego-centeredness, we

remain small and stuck in our development. It prevents our progress on the

path to God. Our Ego lives solely by reason, the will and the Mind. It is as

so to speak the “superfluous” Mind. Dualistically thinking, it wants to

attract everything to itself, it needs the appreciation and praise of others,

from all and at all times; it is sorting out everything for its own benefit and

it sets conditions. It is always looking for the mistakes of others in order to

correct them, thus is placing itself above them. It knows only black and

white, good and evil, it insists on reward and punishment, in the

recognition of the injustice of fate and of unhappy coincidences. It drives

us to the eternal spiral of competitive thinking, being better than others and

winning in games and sports.

The Ego is the desperate attempt by the evil within us, keeping us away

from our happiness. Why? Because it suspects that it will become ignored

through our stronger Love for God and all of His Creation. Because it

knows that it can do nothing against the force of our heart and that it will

137

eventually be destroyed. The true force of evil within us is not that of the

Devil! Apart from mental disorders caused by disease and abuse, it is not

the Devil, but the Ego, which we have needed in the early stages of our

evolution, to prevail over our competitors. Reason and Love were not yet

developed in the early stages, there was only the “Law of the Jungle”, and

this was based within our Subconscious, in the form of our instincts and

natural violence in a primitive world..

Our progress towards becoming a rational creature with a loving heart has

since accelerated. Now our last step is still missing, which is to banish our

Ego. What we may keep instead is our self-esteem and our Self-Love,

which may prevent us from being overwhelmed by others. Do not be afraid

of this development, it will go very quickly and almost automatically,

because as large as our Ego may be, it can achieve nothing against Love.

Just as the darkness is powerless against the Light, so the Ego becomes

weak, when the Light of Love shines forth.

Live mindfully and consciously in the present, because the Ego hates the

present. It can only feed from thoughts that deal with the past: “How

beautiful it was then, so it is not today!” And the future: “It will again soon

be as beautiful as it was before!”

Today it is beautiful! The present is your life. In the present you render

yourself completely to life. It is impossible to live or to love in the past or

the future. Try it: Can you love something in the past? How does it work?

Once you feel that sense of Love in your heart, you're back in the present.

There is no avoiding it. These past and future tenses are constructs of pure

thought and belong at the best as words in a book, but not in your life in the

here and now.

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“Oh, how I loved her/him!” Did you love, or do you love now? If you love

the person now, means you are living in the present. Did you love that

person and no longer love her/him anymore, it is in the past, so it is

completed. Lick your wounds, and turn back to living. Become humble and

ask God to stand by your side. It is your purification of the Ego-fixation, it

is a part of your vocation to release it and get rid of it.

Teresa of Àvila, too, had far more faith in God than the fear of evil. She

took care to let it die back by contemplative prayers and ascetic practices,

the deep-rooted selfishness of the “old man” in the footsteps of the

Crucified Christ, in order to become a “new” and internally free and

selfless loving Being. For her it was not only about liberating people from

their attachment to their possessions and to other persons, but also to

achieve a detachment from their own self-centeredness.

The easiest way to free yourself from anything is – as well as the suffering

and all the negativity that you do not want anymore – is to first of all ack-

nowledge and accept it as yours. Then let it go little by little, by depriving

it of your attention. You do no longer support it, and it will die off. This is

the meaning of the “withering away”, which the Mystics used in their

writings. It is the letting go of the Ego and the old habits, in short, the old

primitive Human Being within yourself.

Start watching your language: There are words that come only from the

Ego: 'But'; 'however'; 'but yet'; and many more. Start with the word 'but'.

“But, that was always so!!” This is the expression of defiance of the Ego.

Banishing these words from the language will take quite a while.

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You'll see it is possible. I like to bring my favourite sentence into my mind:

“Be still, know, I am God!” The Ego cannot harm that thought! This sen-

tence simply wipes everything away: “Leave it alone, get out of your mind,

enjoy life.” Through these thoughts I can open my heart automatically and I

find I am connected with God who then guides me on His path. No Ego can

withstand it for any length of time!

*

“Perfect Love is giving no consideration to selfish interests”

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

140

Awareness

Awareness can be done only in the present, it is a state of being. When are

we really ourselves? Usually we find ourselves with our thoughts some-

where in the past: “What did I do at that time?” – Or in the future: “What

will I be doing?” We like to judge, which is the specialty of our Ego. We try

to rise above others, we attempt to segregate others. Hurt no one, neither in

thought, word or deed. And do not hurt yourself. This would suffice as the

one single Commandment. We have enough difficulty in keeping it ...

All you need for awareness, God has already given you. So you are already

perfect. Look into yourself, open your heart. Let it be open wide, let it radi-

ate. Establish a relationship with everything. Pay attention to the smallest

things, nothing has come by chance in your life, everything you are watch-

ing, is important to you at this time, although it might seem so

insignificant. Behind all this lies a deeper meaning.

Love your work, work calmly and deliberately, give it value. You did not

simply come to do this work. There is a reason for it, even if you are un-

employed or dissatisfied with your work. The time of unemployment is to

be the time of silence, the time of collection and reflection.

Recognize who or what you are. Experience your own value, that which

God has given you. Be careful with yourself. Be aware of the reactions of

your family members. Do they lack awareness, are they mindful? Do

people change around you, as you change yourself?

Use your senses, feel your sensuality. Feel as things feel. Are they smooth,

rough, warm, cold? Go into Nature, look at every small thing. Have you

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ever admired the immense richness of colours and the variety of leaf

shapes? Have you ever felt how the leaf of an oak, a horse chestnut tree, a

linden tree feels? How does the bark on the trunk feel? How do the flowers

look, what colours do they have and what scent? Close your eyes and pay

attention to the colours and images that show up in your Mind's eye.

Take the plug of your MP3 player out of your ears, and listen to the sounds

of Nature and the animals. Listen to the sound of water, enjoy the ringing

laughter of children. Recognize the emotions of animals: a bird expresses

its courtship quite differently than its cry of alarm over an enemy. You sud-

denly hear sounds, whose origin you do not recognize. Do not be surprised

if some day you will hear bells ringing, and you know: “Now can not be

the time for peal of bells!” These instead are the spherical tones in your

higher consciousness, which is a good sign of your connection to Heaven.

Do you realize that you can only use all your senses in the presence?

Awareness means presence. All the past fades away, and everything

becomes good.

As a sport, I recommend Tai Chi and Chi Gong in order to centre yourself,

and you feel that your inner strength comes out of silence. Muscle strength

is finite, the inner power is endless, because it comes from God and is

constantly flowing through you. You will never get tired, in fact to the

contrary. Your body forms a reservoir of energy, therein the oxygen you

breathe is stored as energetic power. If you fill your body with the right

technique regularly every morning, a good storage of oxygen needs only

eight deep breaths before an open window, then you will always have

enough energy available to allow you in case of emergency to mobilize

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your reserve tank of energy, and along with sending a quick prayer to

Heaven, this can save you from any situation.

Always include Nature’s elements in your life, each element is reflected on

the spiritual plane:

Air = thoughts,

water = emotions,

fire = will,

earth = consciousness,

ether = God.

We have to train our thoughts, we have to master our emotions, strengthen

our will and recognize our consciousness – the mastery of those elements

leads to our awakening, to the true transformation of our primal qualities

into our own strength. These elements bind our own consciousness to the

Earth.

Be aware of the Sun, the Moon and the Stars. The Sun warms us, without it

we could not exist. Experience the course of the Sun, its rising and setting

and the passage in the morning, midday, evening. Each part of the day has

its own dynamics, its own charm. The Moon and the Stars will lead us into

the hidden areas. They too can we experience through being attentive.

The darkness of night is to us mysterious, surrounding us with silence.

Many fear the night and its darkness. This is largely because they do not

want to accept the dark within themselves. Discover the light in the dark-

ness of the night. The objects appear to us differently in the light of the

night, even though they be the same ones during the day. Even the noises of

143

the night change in our perception. It's just a question of our own assess-

ment of their qualities.

Forget the questions arising from the mental mind: “Why, how come,

wherefore?” – “Why is something as it is?” Do not worry. The knowledge

arises from within yourself, from your deepest inside. Your questions

originate from a fear of not being good enough or of losing something or

someone. You may not realise that you have everything you need! What

you lose and will not be coming back, you in fact do not need. If you really

love it, you will keep it forever in your heart, with loving thoughts and with

no pain.

What you need the most is God, He is always with you. Accept it: Life is

like that. Take responsibility for the life that God is giving you every day.

Be grateful and humble, and deal carefully with yourself.

It is important what you feel and how you feel about yourself. You can of

course only find out the correct answer if you are fully aware as of now. If

you are living in the present. Pay attention to your Inner Child. This Being

in your deepest inner self. This Inner Child, which can be hurt so much and

at the same time is able to love so much.

Do you feel good now? Take a deep breath, be quiet and open your heart.

“Be still, know, I am God”. Water, the element of emotions, comes from

God and flows through you into every cell of your body, to the depths of

your Soul. Love God, thank God that He was always with you, still is and

always will be. Immerse yourself in prayer, in contemplation. You will

immediately feel the Love in your heart. It gets warm, it expands, you

become calm, and are doing well.

144

You will become accustomed to performing your steps and actions

carefully and with awareness. You will become inwardly silent and radiate

this peace. It gives you access to your higher consciousness. You feel God's

presence. Then you feel yourself again, you feel a deep peace. And you

come to realize that God is within you, you have found Him – He has

found you! The search is over, your longing is satisfied. And suddenly you

know: He was always with you, at birth, your first day at school, your first

Love, within all the large and small events of your life. You were never

separated from each other, you have only forgotten it temporarily.

Let this Love flow through your heart. You now feel a sense of happiness,

satisfaction and beauty. You become completely in the here and now. You

feel your aliveness in every fibre of your body and are yet very calm and

relaxed. You are in motion and in silence simultaneously.

*

“I cannot accept how one can have or could have

humility without Love

or Love without humility.”

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

145

Enlightenment

Living as a whole and accepting Love, taking every facet of one's being

and loving it, and making the Soul a temple to God, that is the way to

enlightenment. Then God will reward you for your efforts, what in Christi-

anity would be called the Vision of God, Enlightenment or Salvation – and

I speak only for Christianity in this book.

It is God's grace, His thanks for your prayers, the louder outward prayers

and the inner quiet ones, and for opening your heart, which might be very

painful and cause many tears. It is His appreciation of your courage in

walking through your own inner desert areas, transforming your pride into

humility, and casting off on the way your last bastion, your Ego. Finally

you will become a permeable channel, surrendering completely to Him.

Then the time has come, God will transform your Soul into an immortal

Light-body. This will be your spiritual rebirth. God's Light shines through

you and brightens all the darkness around you. The Heaven in you, your

access to God, has fully opened. So the Salvation for which Jesus Christ

died on the Cross for can be finalised and turned into your own

enlightenment. Even in this life on Earth, your Soul comes from God and is

therefore immortal. It was, and it is, and always will be – in Heaven, as

well as on Earth.

So also here on Earth it is already feasible, what is otherwise commonly

held to be possible only in the “Afterlife”, within the limitations of space

and time. Even being in our physical body, we can expand our

consciousness and accommodate ourselves down here entirely to God. To

accommodate to Him means to love Him, to surrender to Him. It requires

146

neither wisdom nor any special skills – the ability to open one’s heart to an

all-embracing Love is the greatest that a Human Being is capable of –

providing all that which is not needed within oneself has been allowed to

die away.

By increasing consciousness all barriers between Souls will fall down. As

in the Hereafter, so we can connect even in this world with a single thought

with every other Soul, regardless of whether or not it is embodied. Perhaps

even now you may have noticed that you only have to think of a person and

then he is already within your heart. You are invisibly connected with all

the people around you – and of course with all the animals, too, – and with

everything in Creation. That which is usually associated with

parapsychology, can prove to be the ultimate way of communicating.

I have to admit that it is not like everything is perfect. The ups and downs

of life can be exhausting. The mystical experiences resemble the near-death

experiences. St. Teresa also compares her mystical experiences with death.

We are experiencing something that can set our own little world on fire, our

heart can be torn and cries out for healing – and our Soul desires nothing

more than to return to its peaceful state again.

Until we finally know what really happened to us, we constantly

experience the everyday madness of physical life. Questions upon

questions are driven between God and the World, Heaven and Earth,

between our longing for death and at the same time clinging to Mother

Earth, always looking for someone who is able to understand us, advise us,

and perhaps even save us.

147

Even in Church, especially before and after the services, which can bring

us, at least in the short term, to the spiritual spheres longed-for, we have to

protect ourselves from those who do not give us the respect of another and

through their insensitivity and ignorance neither feel for nor care what

happens to us or allow us our inner silence.

Like Saint Teresa of Àvila, we have to perfect our growing process of

contemplation and our transformation up to enlightenment. “The Soul per-

ceives that it is united with God,” she says. “And it remains such a

certainty that it cannot quite ever drop this belief. I was not initially aware

that God is indeed within all things, and it seemed to me so impossible that

He was so present within me, and how that was to feel.”

We are leaving the Earthly duality; we are mergeing with God, become at-

one with Him, and we are experiencing the ultimate mystery of Creation.

The Veil is falling, we know everything, we discern everything – these are

the “Waters of Life” of which Jesus spoke of.

Then the previously unimaginable happens: Time goes backwards! From

the Unio Mystica back to the 'You' to God and the 'We' with all people. We

can truly live again! Of course, no longer behind the Veil as before. Life

now means: to love and to be loved. To love God and to be loved by Him.

To love all Human Beings and in return to be loved by them, or at least by

those who are on the same level. There is nothing in between, and there are

no more secrets.

We are united in our Soul in different bodies, until we will eventually pass

even this limit and live free from time and space in the true Paradise. So

far, I have always smiled at our Priests who spoke of Paradise, and thought:

148

“Yes, you are obliged to talk this way ...” Now I know that these are not

just empty words. It is true; Paradise does exist, and indeed exists for all

those who decide for it. It already begins on this beautiful Earth!

*

“The idea that we could go to Heaven,

without going within ourselves

and without recognizing our true Self,

is stupid and absurd. “

(St. Teresa of Àvila)

*

149

XIII.

Do we need a new Mysticism?

We do not need a new mysticism. We need new mystics. We need people

with the courage to live the mysticism – convinced by their unity with God

in order to be able to bear their witness to it. We need people who are

lighting up in themselves the mystery of life, the 'ultimate reality we call

God', and let pass the Light on to their fellow Human Men. We need people

to burn for their Love, their passion for God. We need people who are

willing for a Love relationship with God.

We need a Church, more exactly people in the Church, who are accepting

and supporting the mystics of us, the mystics who are following God's call

and always move forward to satisfy their yearning. We need Priests and

Monastic people who themselves again become mystics and give the

believers the chance to find and to live 'the ultimate reality we call God'.

We need scientists who are committed to God, such as Albert Einstein:

"The most beautiful and most profound sense we can experience is the

perception of the mystic. It is the source of all true science. The man who

does not know this feeling, who can not be astonished and not stand in awe

before something, is almost dead. To know that the inscrutable to us really

exists, reflecting as the highest wisdom and most radiant beauty, which our

dull capacity can only understand in its most primitive forms, this

knowledge, this emotion forms the center of real Religion."

The people surching for their spiritual identity have lost access to the

knowledge of God by experience, and they ignore the fact that Christianity

and they themselves as Divine Beings are already carrying all the wisdom

150

which they want to purchase in the supermarket of the wellness-religions

and the religious practices from all over the world.

This knowledge can only be experienced through the opening of the heart

to Love. It's the only way that growth and maturation of the Soul towards

enlightenment can happen. If the general awareness of people arises, and

this is currently happening very rapidly, the Veil is lifting, and the

enlightenment of the many will relieve the mysticism of the few. The

mysticism will lose its aura of mystery, and that is exactly God's will. He

wants no exclusion, no favouritism, He wants all of us.

Let's start with the common thread of all spiritual attainments which is

called: The Love of Infinite Love.

*

God is Love

*

“God alone is enough”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

151

Nice Words from nice People:

What is Mysticism?

“Above all, I personally experience the mysticism if I live as if it was in

every moment about everything. When Love is in progress, which includes

the delivering, then time is also dissolving (people often are too short of

time, so they do not understand the here and now). This is a piece of mysti-

cism for me personally. A key to the mystique means also: “Who is

guarding the words from my mouth?” In short: the silence. Speaking and

only open one's mouth if every word is from a truly emotional decision. –

And also the belief in the garment of humility is something important.

Humility teaches us to suffer everything, humility brings the Soul through

the “he who humiliates himself, is thereby increased”, to hand over

everything to God for His greater glory. The Faith: An arrow flies, the more

it is taut. The bending of the bow is from our pride, and if we are suffering

the bending with joy, then the arrow may cling better to our redemption

and salvation.

Nice words may well be transfered onto the pavements of the world – but

what would we be, Monika, if our Soul was without the insights of the

Gospel to spread out its wings of poetry ...

Related in Faith, Hope, Love

Michael J.“

**********

152

“Mysticism – what does it mean for me? Can we explain it in words or

would it not be better to feel it inside? If I empathise, I experience God in

His infinity. God is Love. God is everywhere. In recognizing this, I see that

everything is somehow connected and belongs together. Every creature,

whether plant, animal or human. All is one.

However this is not yet available to everyone. We carry in ourself the faith

and the knowledge – one can not touch or see it. This in turn makes it any

easier. Nevertheless, it is for me the secret of BEING. The secret of Life

beyond the limits.

Therefore it is worthwhile to remain open to hearing, feeling and to

growing continually in one's confidence with God .”

(Ulrike Maria Roth)

***********

“I can most likely describe Mysticism, that God gave me a really wonderful

access to the unfathomable YOU of His Being, thus entrusting me with a

kind of key to open certain spaces and look into them, whilst others must

still remain hidden.

I am filled with the gift of His trust again and again with great gratitude and

humility.”

(Frank K.)

************

153

“The Absolute Creator, whom we generally refer to as God, has made it

abundantly clear that a successful evolutionary path can only be undertaken

through expressing a fundamental motivation of Love towards others. This

is particularly so in expressing True Love or “Unconditional Love”, which

willingly gives forth Love without asking for anything in return. However,

Love is normally returned in equal measure as part of the great “Law of

Attraction” in which “like attracts like”.

Unconditional Love includes showing a caring respect and consideration of

others, compassion for those in difficulties and a non-judgmental forgive-

ness of the faults within others. Freely giving forth Love is a way of

uplifting people without imposing upon their freewill. We should always be

ready to extend a helping hand down to our less endowed brethren to help

lift them up to our own level. It is only through constantly giving forth our

total unreserved Love to others and in recognizing our total

interdependence with all of the rest of Creation, that we will ever be able to

create a more perfect and harmonious world.

Monika Petry as a Healer and a Mystic over many years and despite the

many difficulties encountered, has herself shown us a shining example of

the expression of Love towards others. We salute her as she continues to

devote her life towards the healing of others and in particular to those who

are not able to give her anything financial in return, except their gratitude

and Love.“

Lawrence Sartorius, Author of 'The New Earth', Canada, February, 2011

*

154

Literature

St. Teresa of Àvila

The quotes used in this book come from:

1) The Book of my Life (Das Buch meines Lebens)

Collected Works Volume 1

published by Ulrich v. Dobhan OCD / OCD Elisabeth Peeters

© Verlag Herder Freiburg 2001

2) Way of Perfection (Weg der Vollkommenheit)

Collected Works Volume 2

published by Ulrich v. Dobhan OCD / OCD Elisabeth Peeters

© Verlag Herder Freiburg im Breisgau

3) The Interior Castle (Das Buch der Gründungen)

Edited and translated by Fritz Vogelsang

www.diogenes.ch

4) The Book of Foundations (Das Buch der Gründungen)

E-Book, ed. Ulrich v. Dobhan OCD / OCD Elisabeth Peeters

Complete retransmission. Collected Works Volume 5

© Verlag Herder Freiburg 2007

*

155

Appendix

Transverberation

In my discourses in this book and about Teresa of Àvila I have noticed that

the concept of 'Transverberation' is little known to people. I find this

process significant enough to explain it in this appendix of my book:

Gian Lorenzo Bernini, 1598-1680, was one of the most important Italian

sculptors and architects of the Baroque. He was inspired by an

autobiographical narrative of Teresa and formed a beautiful marble

sculpture of the transfixion of her heart, the Transverberation, whose

imaginative vision Teresa described in her 'Book of Life' as follows:

“It pleased the Lord that I saw a few times a vision. I saw an Angel

standing next to me, on my left side, in a bodily form, I have usually not

seen. Even if Angels are often presented to me, but without directly seeing

them, they appear to be rather like that in the previous vision, of which I

have previously spoken. In this new vision the Lord wanted me to see the

Angel as follows: He was not great, rather smallish, very beautiful, with a

face so bright that he was apparently one of the very exalted Angels who

look as if they were all surrounded in flames. It must probably be the one

of those that are called Cherubim; they never tell me their names, but I am

well aware, that there is in Heaven a big difference between the one and the

other Angels, and these and others, such a big difference, which I could not

entirely describe. I saw in his hands a long golden arrow, and at the tip of

this a small flame seemed licking. It was as if he were pushing it into my

heart several times, and then he would advance it further into my intestines.

When he pulled it out, I felt as if he would tear them out, leaving me

absolutely burning with the strong God's Love. The pain was so severe that

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it made me moaning, but at the same time the tenderness that came with

this heavy pain was so overwhelming that there was not even any desire to

pass it by, nor would it be that the Soul would be as content with less than

God. This is not a bodily but a spiritual pain, though the body does

certainly share it, and even quite a lot. It's such a tender caress happening

here between the Soul and God, that I please Him in His loving kindness to

let it taste the person, who thinks I would be lying. On the days when it

lasted, I was stunned. I wanted to see and talk about nothing else but

surrender to pain, which meant more glory to me than all that exists in the

created world.

I experienced a few times when the Lord wanted me to go through these

raptures; they were so powerful that I could not oppose them, even if I was

amongst people, so that they became, to my chagrin, gradually known

about. Since I am experiencing them, I no longer feel this pain so strongly,

but I feel the One with whom I used to speak elsewhere – I do not

remember in which chapter –, and in many respects it is quite different and

more valuable. On the contrary, when the pain of which I am now speaking

starts, it looks as if our Lord would rapture the Soul and put into ecstasy,

and so it is no longer possible to feel pain or suffering, because then the

enjoying starts immediately.”

Those events, that penetrated Teresa of Àvila into the deepest roots of her

being, was a deep, though not yet the final union with God. There is

nothing similar on the physical level, which compares. Similar occurences

happened to St. John of the Cross and St. Padre Pio, upon whom five weeks

later appeared the wounds of Christ (stigmata). I would also like to add

within this topic two comments from Teresa in her book “The Inner Castle,

7th Apartment”:

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“I've said it once, that despite these comparisons – which I use, because

there are no more appropriate ones – you must be aware that there is so

little thought given to physical aspects, as if the Soul was no longer

remaining within the body. Here is only the Spirit involved. And yet much

less is the spiritual marriage corporeal, for this Secret Union takes place in

the middle of the innermost Soul, that means at the place where God dwells

Himself.”

“For every one of us has a Soul, only we do not appreciate it as it should be

deserved as being of a creature that is created in the image of God, and

therefore do not recognize the great mysteries that are hidden within it.”

*

Sometimes it is even appropriate to silence in a book. I therefore remain

silent in awe of this Soul.

*

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THANKS

I thank the people who encouraged me to write this book and helped me

with its composition. God probably wanted it to be written quite some time

ago, but at that time I was not ready to come forth. I was looking for the

silence. And I found silence – in writing.

I thank Father Dr. theol. Ulrich Dobhan OCD, Provincial of the Discalced

Carmelites in Munich, for his kind permission of the quotes from the books

of St. Teresa of Àvila.

I thank the publisher of this book and also each individual reader. I hope

you may find valuable ideas for your life and may the Light of God shine

within you. Please pass the Light onwards!

Thank you.

*

“Who does not love one's neighbour,

does not also love You,

My Lord”

(Teresa of Àvila)

*

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