Hello, Dolly!
Cast of Characters
Mrs. Dolly Galllagher Levi
Flora Van Huysen
Emily Newsome
Ernestina Rose
Henrietta Newsome
Rudolph Reisenweber
Horace Vandergelder
Ermengarde Vandergelder
Ambrose Kemper
Fritz Freleng
Harry Long
Louie LaVie
Stanley Rosenweber
Danny Dunkirk
Manny Moritz
Louie Harmon
Minnie Fay
Irene Malloy
Cornelius Hackl
Barnaby Tucker
Jenny Van Tuyl
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Rebecca Gibbs
Doc Gibbs
Officer Joe Gogarty
Malachi Stack
Sammy Craig
Josie Stoddard
Judge Augustine Sommers
Clerk Gertrude Semple
Officer Wally Webb
Officer Simon Stimson
Synopsis of Scenes
Act I: Scene 1: Grand Central Station, New York City, NY, in the 1890’sScene 2: Horace Vandergelder’s Feed Store, Yonkers, NY
Yonkers Railroad DepotScene 3: Mrs. Malloy’s Hat Shop
Act 2: Scene 1: Harmonia Gardens ExteriorScene 2: Harmonia Gardents RestaurantScene 3: New York City CourtroomScene 4: Horace Vandergelder’s Feed Store, Yonkers, NY
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ACT ONE—SCENE 1A New York City street, 1890’s
Overture
No. 1 Opening, Act One
(Social Whirl; couples assemble and reassemble: Tableau)
Flora, Ernestina, Josie (whispering): Call on Dolly,She’s the one the singles recommend
Add Jenny, Gertrude, Emily:Just name the kind of life you want andSoon she’ll snatch it upDon’t forget to bring your maiden auntsAnd she’ll match ‘em up.
Add Josephine, Rebecca:Call on Dolly,If your fam’ly’s fortunes need a friend.
(Social whirl becomes more complicated: New Tableau)
All: Call on Dolly,She’s the one the singles recommend
Emily: Just name the kind of life you wantAll: and
Soon she’ll snatch it upSam: Don’t forget to bring your maiden auntsAll: And she’ll match ‘em up.
Call on…
MRS. LEVI: Dolly Levi! That’s right, Mrs. Dolly Levi, born Gallagher—Social intro-ductions, ladies and gentlemen of excellent family introduced under the most respectable conditions in an atmosphere of elegance and refinement!Object—
ALL: Matrimony!
MRS. LEVI: Unfortunately, I won’t be able to offer my usual lightningservice today as I have a previous appointment in Yonkers, New York,
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arranging the second marriage of Mr. Horace Vandergelder, the well-knownhalf-a- millionaire—but I’ll do my best to have you carried across the thresh-hold before the week is out!
Now, I might also mention I’m available for financial consultation, instruction in the guitar and mandolin, short distance hauling…
(Ensemble creates train station as Ambrose enters…) (Sound cue: train whistle, train wheels, steam in rhythm with song)All: (underscore:) Call on Dolly,
She’s the one the singles recommendJust name the kind of life you want andSoon she’ll snatch it upDon’t forget to bring your maiden auntsAnd she’ll match ‘em up.Call on Dolly…
AMBROSE: Mrs. Levi!
MRS. LEVI: Mr. Kemper, the artist! You know, I’m something of an artist myself!
ERNESTINA: Mrs. Levi, the train for Yonkers leaves in five minutes…
AMBROSE: And if we don’t get there on time—
MRS. LEVI: But we will, Mr. Kemper!
AMBROSE: But—
MRS. LEVI: And not only will Horace Vandergelder give you permission to marry his niece, Ermengarde, but he will also dance at your wedding—
(Emmelina, Josie, and Flora titter)and not alone either, because I happen to be engaged in finding him a suitable second wife himself!
AMBROSE: Now, Mrs. Levi—
JOSIE: We know all about it Mrs. Levi!
FLORA: Half New York says he’s going to propose to—
HENRIETTA: Mrs. Irene Malloy!
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MRS. LEVI: …This very afternoon. Which is exactly why I am on my way to Yonkers this morning, Mr. Kemper, and can knock off four lovebirds with one stone orwhatever I’ll throw I’ll see and well well well what do think of that I have nothing here to pay my train fare with, only large bills, fives and sevens…
AMBROSE: I have some change here somewhere! I only hope this isn’t a wild goose chase, Mrs. Levi!
MRS. LEVI: And speaking of poultry, I am also available for fresh Jersey eggs, Surgical corsets re-boned, ears pierced, pierced ears replugged…
AMBROSE: Mrs. Levi!
ALL: Mrs. Levi!(forming train…)Just name the kind of life you wantandSoon she’ll snatch it upDon’t forget to bring your maiden auntsAnd she’ll match ‘em up.Call on Dolly…
AMBROSE: Tell me, Mrs. Levi, what’s in all this for you?
MRS. LEVI: A living, Mr. Kemper. Some people paint, some sew….I meddle!
No. 2 I Put My Hand In
MRS. LEVI I have always been a woman who arranges things,For the pleasure and the profit it derives.I have always been a woman who arranges things.:Like furniture…and daffodils…and lives.
When someone with a timid tongueMeets someone with a diffident air,Why should the tortured creatures beat around the bush,When heaven knows, Mother Nature always needs a little push!So,
FLORA: She puts her hand in here!
JOSIE: She puts her hand in there!
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MRS. LEVI: My aplomb at cosmetic artTurns a mite to great beauty rareAlthough they had a countenance a little bit like ScroogeBut, oh, today you would swear the Lord himselfApplied the rouge!I put my hand in here!I twist a little, stir a little,Him a little, her a littleShape a little, mold a littleSome poor chump gets sold a littleWhen I move my index digitEveryone begins to fidgetWhen I raise my palmThe preacher reads a psalmWhen I puts her hand in there!
AMBROSE: Mrs. Levi!
MRS. LEVI: I know, Mr. Kemper, the Yonkers train is ready to leave! Now,You go buy our tickets, get a window seat, order lunch, and I’ll meet youon board!
Epahraim Levi, I’m going to get married again. I’m going o marry Horace Vandergelder for his money and send it out circulating among the people like Rainwater the way you taught me—and I want a sign from you, sometime today, that you approve. I’m tired, Ephraim. Tired of living from hand to mouth, so I want that sign…
AMBROSE: Mrs. Levi!
MRS. LEVI: Sometime today!
Now, don’t worry, Mr. Kemper, we’ll make that train, we’ll get to Yonkers, you’ll marry Ermengarde. Just leave everything to me!
MRS. LEVI: When I raise my palmThe preacher reads a psalmWhen I put my hand in there!
No. 2A Yonker’s March
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ACT ONE—SCENE 2Vandergelder’s Feed Store, Yonkers, New York
VANDERGELDER: How can I be expected to do anything with all that bellowing in my ears?
ERMENGARDE: I can’t help it, Uncle, I love Ambrose Kembper
VANDERGELDER: And I say you’re too young to be in love with anybody…And don’t cry in front of the store!
ERMENGARDE: I can’t help it! I’m unhappy!
VANDERGELDER: Then, by thunder, you’ll go a weep for a while in New YorkCity where it won’t be noticed!
(Ermengarde wails)
VANDERGELDER: Now go upstairs and start packing your trunk! And don’t get any tears on the lock! It was just oiled! Cornelius! Barnaby!
CORNELIUS: You called, Mr. Vandergleder!
VANDERGELDER: I did! I got news for you both. I am going to New York thisafternoon. And when I come back, you’re going to have a mistress!
CORNELIUS and BARNABY: Mr. Vandergelder!
BARNABY: I’m too young, Mr. Vandergelder!
VANDERGELDER: Not yours, doggone it! Mine! I mean, I’m getting married again.And in honor of that occasion, I’ve decided to promote you, Cornelius, to chiefClerk.
CORNELIUS: And what am I now, Mr. Vandergelder?
VANDERGELDER: You’re an impertinent fool, that’s what you are! And I’mpromoting you from impertinent fool to chief clerk. Any more questions?
CORNELIUS: Does…does the chief clerk get one evening off a week?
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VANDERGELDER: So, that’s the way you thank me for your promotion, is it? No sir,you’ll attend to the store as usual! Now, get back to work! Evenings off, marrying artists…foolishness! Ninety-nine percent of the people in the worldare fools!...and the rest of us are in great danger of contamination!
(Mrs. Levi and Ambrose enter; Ambrose and Ermengarde dumb show.)
MRS. LEVI: Congratulations, congratulations, a thousand congratulations!
VANDERGELDER: What, what?
MRS. LEVI: Congratulations, Mr. Vandergelder! All New York is buzzing with the news that you’ve practically proposed to Irene Molloy! The streets are
lined with eligible young ladies prostrate with grief. All my congratulationsand sympathy…
VANDERGELDER: Sympathy?
MRS. LEVI: Did I say that? A slip of the tongue…No, I’m delighted with the happy news, and I, for one, never believed the rumors, no I didn’t…
VANDERGELDER: Rumors? What rumors?
MRS. LEVI: Nothing to get upset about, Mr. Vandergelder. I mean according to all the known facts her first husband passed on quite naturally. A few spoons of a special chowder she made for him and pfft! But it could happento anyone. One word of advice, Mr. Vandergelder. Eat out!
VANDERGELDER: Now, hold on Mrs. Levi, you mean to say Mrs. Malloy—
MRS. LEVI: I mean to say nothing, Mr. Vandergelder. As I said before, Congratulations on your forthcoming nuptials, and may you restin…I mean, may guardians angels watch over you. Particularly at dinner!
VANDERGELDER: Look here, Mrs. Levi, you introduced me to Mrs. Malloy, andrumors or not, I intend calling on her this afternoon…as arranged!
MRS. LEVI: Very well, Mr. Vandergelder, there’s nothing more for me to do than go go back to New York and tell the heiress not to wait…
VANDERGELDER: What did you say?
MRS. LEVI: Nothing, a word, heiress.
VANDERGELDER: Particulars, Mrs. Levi, I demand particulars! Her name?
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MRS. LEVI: Her name? Er, um, blah…Money? Ernestina Money!
VANDERGELDER: What a lovely, lovely name…But, I ain’t got time! I got to bring my niece, Ermengarde, to New York this afternoon until she forgets a certainAmbrose Kemper.
MRS. LEVI: Now, Mr. Vandergelder, I could do that for you. I know just how tohandle these things. And I could arrange for you to meet this Ernestinathis very afternoon. Oh, dear, what races you make me run!
VANDERGELDER: All right, Mrs. Levi, I’ll meet Miss Money, but I still intend on paying another call to Mrs. Molloy first. And one more thing, Mrs. Levi!Suppose I decide against Mrs. Molloy, and I don’t like Miss Money neither?
MRS. LEVI: Well, then I happen to have one more name on my list, Mr. Vandergelder,a name I know as well as my own. (helping Horace into his coat, etc.)
No. 3a (begin at pick-up to m. 19; repeat TBD)
MRS. LEVI: You know, Ephraim, I think I’ll have this room done over in blue wallpaper. Yes, in blue! Ermengarde, Ambrose, come out here! We’ve gotplans to make!
(Bustle inside feed store; customers mill)
CORNELIUS: Chief clerk! Promoted from chief clerk to chief clerk! And if I’mGood, in ten years I’ll be promoted to chief clerk again! Thirty-three yearsold, and I still don’t get an evening free! When am I going to begin to live?
BARNABY: You can live on holidays, Cornelius!
JOSIE: Did you forget what you did last Christmas?
ERNESTINA: All of those canned tomatoes went bad!
JOSIE: And you and Barnaby cleaned up the mess all afternoon!
CORNELIUS: Do you call that living?
ALL FOUR: No!
CORNELIUS (aside, to Barnaby): Barnaby, you and I are going to New York!
BARNABY: You mean, close the store?
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CORNELUS: Uh, huh!
BARNABY: Holy cabooses!
CORNELIUS: We’re going to New York, Barnaby, and we’re going to live! We’reGoing to have a good meal, and we’re going to be in danger, and we’re going to spend our money, we’re going to be arrested…
BARNABY: Holy cabooses!
CORNELIUS: and one more thing! We’re not coming back to Yonkers until we’veeach kissed a girl!
BARNABY: Cornelius, you can’t do that! You don’t know any girls!
CORNELIUS: Barnaby, I’m thirty-three years old, and I’ve got to start sometime!
BARNABY: I’m only seventeen, Cornelius. It isn’t so urgent for me.
CORNELIUS: New York, Barnaby! Elevated trains! The lights of Broadway! The Stuffed whale at Barnum’s Museum!
BARNABY: A stuffed whale?
CORNELIUS: Yes, a stuffed whale! What do you say, Barnaby?
BARNABY: …Yes, Cornelius! Yes!
No.4 Put On Your Sunday Clothes
MRS. LEVI: Now the first thing to do is make you financially independent. Can you Dance?
AMBROSE: I am an artist, Mrs. Levi. I paint!
MRS. LEVI: Well, then, my card!
AMBROSE: Mrs. Dolly Levi—Painters taught how to dance!
MRS. LEVI: Now, there’s a man, Rudolph Reisenweber, at the Harmonia Gardens Restaurant on 14th Street, I’ll give you a note for him and we’ll see if he can’tHave you both entered in the polka contest tonight. The prize is a week’s engagement and a gold cup. Oh, the cups we won, Ephraim and me!
ABROSE: Hold on, Mrs. Levi! No fiancée of mine is gong to set foot in a café!
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ERMENGARDE: I most certainly will! But Mrs. Levi, I am surprised you have acquaintances in places like that!
MRS. LEVI: Not acquaintances, my dear! Friends! Dear, dear friends from days gone by! Besides, it’s the only way to show Horace Vandergelder that we mean business. Now, you go to Harmonia Gardens this afternoon and sayMrs. Levi sent you and incidentally tell Rudolph that Dolly’s coming back, and I want a table for two and a chicken for eight o’clock tonight!
ERMENGARDE: Yes, Mrs. Levi!
CORNELIUS: Let’s get dressed, Barnaby! We’re going to New York!
Out there,There’s a world outside of Yonkers,Way out there beyond this hick town, Barnaby,There’s a slick town, Barnaby.Out there,Full of shine and full of sparkle,Close your eyes and see it glisten, Barnaby.Listen, Barnaby!
Put on your Sunday clothes, there’s lots of worldOut there.Get out the brilliantine and dime cigars.We’re gonna find adventure in the evening air,Folks in white in a perfumed nightWhere the lights are bright as the stars!
Put on your Sunday clothes, we’re gonna ride through townIn one of those new horse-drawn open cars.
CORNELIUS & BARNABY:We’ll see the shows at Delmonico’sAnd we’ll close the town in a whirl,And won’t come home until we’ve kissed a girl.
EMILY: Put on your Sunday clothes when you feel down and out.JOSIE: Strut down the street and have your picture took.BOTH: Dressed like a dream, your spirits seem to turn about.
That Sunday shine is a certain signThat you feel as fine as you look!
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JOSIE/FLORA Beneath your parasol the world is all a smileADD EMILY and JENNY That makes you feel brand new down to your toes.ADD ERNESTINAand JOSIE: Get out your feathers, your patent leathers,
ADD GERTRUDEand HENRIETTA: Your beads and buckles and bowsOCTET: For there’s no blue Monday in your Sunday clothes.
MRS. LEVI: All aboard!
ALL: All aboard! All aboard!
Put on your Sunday clothes, there’s lots of world out there!Put on your silk cravat and patent shoes.For I can feel adventure in the evening airTo town we’ll trot, to a crowded spot, Where the nights are hot as a fuse!
Put on you high silk hat and at the turned-up cuffWe’ll wear a handmade grey sueded buttoned gloveWe’ll join the Astors at Tony Pastor’sAnd this I’m positive of:That we won’t come home,That we won’t come home,That we won’t come home until we fall in love!
No. 4b Incidental (Hat Shop)
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ACT ONE—SCENE 3New York Street and the interior of Mrs. Molloy’s Hat Shop
MINNIE: Oh, dear, oh my, will you look at that, ten o’clock and the shop’s notopen yet. It’s all because of that impending marriage, I tell you.
(To Dummy) What marriage? Oh, I thought you knew! Why, the marriage Mrs. Dolly Levi is arranging between Mr. Horace Vandergelder, the well-known Yonkers half-a-millionaire and my employer and friend, Mrs. Irene Molloy….although, if you ask me, he’ll never take the place of her late husband, Mr. Peter Molloy, may he rest in peace, wherever he is I’m not sure! Oh, dear, here’s Miss Mortimoer returning a hat for the third time! I told her, ribbons down our backs is what we’ll be wearing this summer if we want to catch a person’s eye, but she’ll have none of it! Cherries and feathers is all she wants, on today, of all days, when that poor dear sweet Mrs. Molloy has enough on her mind, what with—
IRENE: With what , Minnie?
MINNIE: Why, Mrs. Molloy—
IRENE: Say it, Minnie. Why have I decided to marry Horace Vandergelder?
MINNIE: Oh, Mrs. Molloy, I didn’t ask you that! I would rather die on the rack than ask you such a personal question!
IRENE: I am marrying Horace Vandergelder for one reason and one reasonalone. To get away from this—the millinery business. I hate hats!
MINNIE: Oh, Mrs. Molloy!
IRENE: Take my word for it! Either I marry Horace Vandergelder or break out of this place like a fire engine! Oh, no! Not Miss Mortimer again?
MINNIE: Miss Mortimer! I’ll take care of it!
IRENE: No, Minnie. Leave it be. You can make another hat for Miss Mortimer,if you like. I’m wearing this one myself.
MINNIE: Mrs. Molloy! You can’t! You’re a widow, and that hat…well, its’…it’s provocative, that’s what!
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IRENE: Is it, Minnie?
No. 5 Ribbons Down My Back
IRENE: Well, who knows who may walk into this shop today…and provocative may be just what I want to be!
MINNIE: Mrs. Molloy!
IRENE: I’ll be wearing ribbons down my backThis summer.Blue and green and streaming in the yellow sky.So, if someone special comes my way This summerThey might notice me passing by.
And so I’ll try to make it easier to find meIn the stillness of JulyBecause a breeze might stir a rainbow up behind meThat might happen to catchSomeone’s eye.
And they might smile and take me by the handThis summerMaking me recall how lovely love can beAnd so I proudly wearRibbons down my backShining in my hairThat they might notice me.
And so I will proudly wearRibbons down my backShining in my hair…so…Someone might notice me!
MINNIE: Mrs. Molloy, wild horses can’t make me ask this next question I’m about to ask, but I’m going to ask it anyhow! Do you love HoraceVandergelder?
IRENE: No, Minnie I don’t. Peter Molloy, God rest him, was my share of love—There’s two men staring at the shop!
MINNIE: Men?
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IRENE: Why, I do believe they mean to come in her!
MINNIE: Men! In the shop! Oh, Mrs. Molloy, what shall we do?
MRS. MOLLOY: Do? Why, flirt with them of course.
MINNIE: Mrs. Molloy! And you with all that talk about love!
MRS. MOLLOY: Oh, Minnie! We’ll get an adventure out of this yet!
No. 5a Ribbons Down My Back (Reprise)
IRENE: And so I’ll try to make it easier to find meIn the stillness of JulyBecause a breeze might stir a rainbow up behind meThat might happen to catchA gentleman’s eye.
(They disappear into the workroom; Barnaby and Corneulius hurry into the shop.)
CORNELIUS: We’ll get an adventure out of this yet, Barnaby! All day long,we wander around New York and nothing happens, then we come to the quietest street in the city and suddenly—
BARNABY: Vandergelder!
CORNELIUS: Is he still out there? Go look.
BARNABY: He’s sitting on that bench, Cornelius, are you sure this is an adventure?
CORNELIUS: You don’t have to ask, Barnaby. When you’re in one, you’ll know it alright! How much money have you got left?
BARNABY: Not much, Cornelius. Forty cents for the train back, thirty cents for dinner, and twenty cents to see the whale. Ninety cents. Why?
CORNELIUS: When those women come out, we’ll have to pretend to be customers!Customers, that’s it! Maybe the best thing to do is make them think we’re rich. Then we won’t have to spend anything! We ‘re two men about town looking for hats for ladies. (as Irene enters) Good afternoon, Mrs.—
IRENE: Molloy.
CORNELIUS: Here, Cornelius Hackl!
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BARNABY: Here, Barnaby Tucker!
IRENE: My pleasure, gentlemen! Now what can I do for you, hmmm?
CORNELIUS: Well, you see, we’re two BARNABY: We’re hats, you seeladies about town looking for and we wanted to buysome hats to Molloy and we lady or two to Molloywondered…. with…
CORNELIUS: We want a hat! For a lady, of course. And everybody said togo to Mrs. Molloy’s because she’s so pretty…I mean her hats are so pretty!
BARNABY: And so reasonable, Cornelius! As reasonable as under a dollar would still leave us enough to see the whale.
CORNELIUS: You’ve got to pay him no mind, ma’am, he’s come all the way fromYonkers to see the stuffed whale, and he’s all excited. Just keep an eye on theStreet, Barnaby, and maybe you’ll see it pass by.
BARNABY: Is it big and hairy with mean little red eyes?
CORNELIUS: Yes.
BARNABY: It’s sitting right on that bench!
IRENE: Excuse me, but did you say Yonkers, Mr. Hackl?
CORNELIUS: Oh yes ma’am, Yonkers! And forgive me for saying this, but you should see Yonkers. By that I mean perhaps Mr. Molloy would like to see Yonkers, too!
IRENE: Oh, I’m a widow, Mr. Hackl.
CORNELIUS: You are? Barnaby, she’s a widow! Oh, that’s too bad. I’m sure Mr. Molloy would have enjoyed Yonkers. Especially in that hat. I mean, on you, of course, not Mr. Molloy may he rest in peace, you’re Catholic aren’t you, well don’t let that worry you I’d be willing to change—Mrs. Molloy, if you should happen to have an afternoon free in the future, I’d be more than pleased to show you Yonkers from top to bottom!
IRENE: Well, as a matter of fact, Mr. Hackl, I might be there sooner than you think.
CORNELIUS: Oh, really?
IRENE: You see, I have a friend who lives in Yonkers.
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CORNELIUS: Do you?
IRENE: Perhaps you know him?
CORNELIUS: Perhaps we do.
IRENE: Oh, it’s always foolish to ask in such cases like that, isn’t it? It’sa Mr. Vandergelder.
CORNELIUS: Horace Vandergelder?
BARNABY: Of Vandergelder’s Hay and Feed?
IRENE: Do you know him?
BOTH: No! Oh, no! No, no…
BARNABY: Cornelius, I think… I think…Look out!
CORNELIUS: Begging your pardon, Mrs. Molloy--
IRENE: Gentlemen, what are you doing?
CORNELIUS: Help us, Mrs. Molloy, we’ll explain later!
IRENE: Come out of there this minute!
BARNABY: We’re as innocent as can be, Mrs. Molloy!
IRENE: Well, really. Mr. Hackl! Mr. Tucker! I insist that you both come outof there, or I’ll be forced to…Mr. Vandergelder!
VANDERGELDER: Mrs. Molloy, I don’t suppose Mrs. Levi is here, is she?When I make an appointment, I like people to be on time. Here’s a presentfor you. Chocolate covered peanuts. Unshelled. The expensive kind. Did I just see you talking to two men?
IRENE: Men? Men, Mr. Vandergelder? What would men be doing in a ladies’ hatshop? So, Mr. Vandergelder, what’s new in the Hay and Feed business?
VANDERGELDER: What on Earth are you talking about?
IRENE: Yonkers. I hear it’s a beautiful city.
VANDERGELDER: And who’s been telling you about Yonkers, may I ask?
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IRENE: Nobody! A friend! Well. You see, he—
VANDERGELDER: He?
IRENE: A customer, Mr. Vandergelder. Someone quite well-to-do, as a matterof fact. It’s a Mr. Cornelius Hackl!
VANDERGELDER: Did you say Hackl!
IRENE: Why, yes—
(Dolly enters)
VANDERGELDER: He happens to be my head clerk, that’s all! Mrs. Molloy, I demand an explanation!
MRS. LEVI: And why shouldn’t she know Cornelius Hackl?! Everybody in New Yorkknows Cornelius Hackl! He’s here at the opera, all the fashionable homes, why, he’s at Harmonia Gardens three times a week!
VANDERGELDER: Impossible! He’s only got a hundred and forty-six dollars and thirty-five cents, and I keep it in my own safe!
MRS. LEVI: Oh, Mr. Vandergelder, you’re killing me! He is one of the Hackls. Theybuilt the canal.
VANDERGELDER: Which one?
MRS. LEVI: The Erie IRENE: The Panama!
TOGETHER: Both!
MINNIE: (entering) Excuse me.
MRS. LEVI & IRENE: Of course.
(Minnie discovers Barnaby)
MINNIE: Wa-a-ah! There’s a man in there!
VANDERGELDER: Now look here, if there’s a man in that closet—
MRS. LEVI: No, Mr. Vandergelder, you can’t! It’s too dangerous
VANDERGELDER: No man that hides in ladies’ closets can frighten me, Mrs.Levi! Stand aside!
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MRS. LEVI: Mr. Vandergelder, there couldn’t possibly be a man in that closet!(Barnaby, sneezing hugely)
MRS. LEVI: God bless you!
VANDERGELDER: Mrs. Molloy—
IRENE: All right, Mr. Vandergelder, there is a man in that cupboard!
VANDERGELDER: Aha!
IRENE: And another under the table!
VANDERGELDER: What the devil?
IRENE: There also happens to be a very simple explanation, but—for the present—good afternoon.
MRS. LEVI: Good Lord, the room’s crawling with men! I’ll see you later this afternoon, Mr. Vandergelder?
VANDERGELDER: You certainly will, Mrs. Levi! To meet a certain young heiress, like we talked about. Good day, Mrs. Molloy!
CORNELIUS: Mrs. Molloy, I can explain everything. You see, we—
IRENE: I do not wish to hear any explanations, Mr. Hackl. Just you and Mr. Tucker do me the pleasure of leaving my shop at once, or I’ll send for Officer
Gogarty!
MRS. LEVI: Well, if you ask me Irene, calling an officer’s letting them off too easy. The law courts, that’s where they belong! But, the main thing is to show that you tried to settle it amicably. Have dinner with them.
CORNELIUS & BARNABY: Dinner!
MRS. LEVI: It’s the way things are done in the law, Irene. Dinner first (makes slashing motion across her neck) afterward.
IRENE: Well, if it must be, it must be. Mr. Hackl, Mr. Tucker, you may take MissFay and myself to dinner. If the Harmonia Gardens is good enough for yourfashionable friends, it’s good enough for us!
CORNELIUS: Oh, we couldn’t go there. Now don’t misunderstand me, it isn’t the money or anything! It’s the—
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BARNABY: The whale!
CORNELIUS: Yes, it’s the whale. No, it isn’t the whale, Barnaby. It’s the…it’s the dancing! I don’t know how, and it would take me weeks, months, to learn—(Dolly hands Cornelius a card). Mrs. Dolly Levi, 33-year old chief clerks taught to dance.
MRS. LEVI: Now, it’s very simple, you put one arm here…and one arm here—
CORNELIUS: It’s no use. I have absolutely no sense of rhythm!
MRS. LEVI: Absolutely no sense of rhythm is one of the primary requirements for learning by the Gallagher-Levi Method. Just give me five minutes of your time, Mr. Hackl, and I’ll have you dancing in the streets!
No. 7 Dancing
MRS. LEVI: (spoken) Put your hand on her waist and standWith your right hand in your left handHold onto her tight and spinAnd one, two, three, one, two, three,One, two, three—
CORNELIUS: Wow! I’m dancing!
MRS. LEVI: Turn around and turn aroundTry floating through the airCan’t you be a little more aesthetic?
CORNELIUS: Don’t you think my dancing has a polish and a flair?
MRS. LEVI: The word I’d think I’d use is athletic!
CORNELIUS: Well, my heart is about to burst.My head is about to pop,And now that I’m dancing, who cares if I ever stop!
Look at me, everybody! I, Cornelius Hackl…Sport…am dancing!
MRS. LEVI: You’re next, Mr. Tucker! Glide and step, and then step and glide.
BARNABY: And ev’ryone stand aside!
CORNELIUS: He’s dancing!
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MRS. LEVI: You could learn to polka if you worked a week or so.Or the tango filled with passion seething.
BARNABY I might join the chorus of the Castle Garden show.
MRS. LEVI: Whatever you do, for Gosh sakes, keep breathing!
ALL THREE: For my heart is about to burst. My head is about to pop.And now that we’re dancing who cares if we ever stop!
IRENE: When there’s someone you hardly knowMINNIE: And want to get closer toBOTH: Remember that they can be near to you
When you’re dancing
JOSIE: Though you’ve only just said helloHe’s suddenly someone who
JOSIE and FLORA: Can make all your daydreams appear to youWhile you’re dancing.
EMILY: Make the music weave a spell ERNESTINA: Whirl away your worry
JENNY: Things look almost twice as wellMRS. LEVI: When you’re slightly blurry!
ENSEMBLE: As around and around you go,Your spirits will hit the topAndNow that we’re dancing Who cares If we ever stop!
Two, three,One, two three,One, two, three, one , two,
And now that we’re dancing, Who cares if we ever stop!
MRS. LEVI: Ephraim, let me go! It’s been long enough Ephraim! Every evening, for all these years, I put out the cat, and I said a little prayer, thanking God that I was independent. That no one’s life was mixed up with mine. Then
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one night, I suddenly realized that for years, I had not shed one tear, nor had been filled with the wonderful hope that something or other would turn out So, I’ve decided to rejoin the human race, and Ephraim…I want you to send me that sign. I want you to give me away!
NO. 8 Before the Parade Passes By
MRS. LEVI: Before the parade passes byI’m gonna get in step while there’s still time left
ERNESTINA: Mrs. Levi, come along!
EMILY: Everyone is going down to 14th Street to see the parade!
JOSIE: Mrs. Levi! I’m practically crying! The world is so full of wonderful things!
JENNY: Come with us, Mrs. Levi!
MRS. LEVI: I will, darlings, I will.
MRS. LEVI: Before the parade passes byI’m gonna go and taste Saturday’s high life.Before the parade passes byI’m gonna get some life back into my life.I’m ready to move out in front.I’ve had enough of just passing by life.
IRENE: With the rest of them,ERMENGARDE With the best of them,BOTH: I can hold my head up high!DOLLY For I’ve got a goal again,
I’ve got a drive again,IRENE: I’m gonna feel my heart coming alive againDOLLY: Before the parade passes by.
DOLLY: Look at that crowd up aheadListen and hear that brass harmony growingLook at that crowd up aheadPardon me if my old spirit is showing.All of those lights over thereSeem to be telling me where I’m going.
JOSIE: When the whistle blows,ERNESTINA: And the cymbals crashERMENGARDE: And the sparklers light the sky,HENRIETTA: I’m gonna raise the roof
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JOSIE: I’m gonna carry onERMENGARDE: Give me that old trombone,HENRIETTA Give me that old batonADD DOLLY: Before the parade passes by.
ALL: When the parade passes byListen and hear that brass harmony growingWhen the parade passes byPardon me if my old spirit is showing.All of those lights over thereSeem to be telling me where I’m going.When the whistle blows,And the cymbals crashAnd the sparklers light the sky,I’m gonna raise the roofI’m gonna carry onGive me that old trombone,Give me that old batonBefore the parade passes by.
I’m gonna raise the roofI’m gonna carry onGive me that old trombone,Give me that old batonBefore the parade passes by.
MRS. LEVI: Horace Vandergelder, Miss Money will meet you at the Harmonia Gardens Restaurant at 8:00!
VANDERGELDER: But that’s the most expensive restaurant in the city!
MRS. LEVI: And it should be! What food! And the fastest waiters in New York!
VANDERGELDER: I’ll be there, Dolly. But from this point on, you are hereby discharged as my marriage broker. Is that clear? From now on, you are just aperson like anybody else.
MRS. LEVI: Ephraim! Thank you, Ephraim!
MRS. LEVI: I’m gonna raise the roofI’m gonna carry onGive me that old trombone,Give me that old batonBefore the parade passes by.
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ACT TWO—SCENE 1A New York Street
No. 11 Elegance
IRENE: Mr. Hackl, we’ve just loved looking at the lights of Fourteenth Street, but—
MINNIE: Perhaps--
IRENE: Perhaps you’d better call a hack or we won’t get to the Harmonia Gardenson time.
MINNIE: Oh, there’s one…Yoo hoo—
CORNELIUS: Oh, we couldn’t do that, Mrs. Molloy. It’s not the money or anything, it’s just that nowadays really elegant people never take hacks. They go bystreetcar.
MINNIE: Just think! I’ve been elegant all my life and never even knew it!
CORNELIUS: Of course, if you really want to be elegant—
MRS. MALLOY & MINNIE: We do!
CORNELIUS: You walk! (Music up)
CORNELIUS & BARNABY: Yes, New York, it’s really usBarnaby and Cornelius
IRENE & MINNIE: All the guests of Mr. Hackl areFeelin’ great and look spectacalar
ALL FOUR: What a knack there is to thatActin’ like a born aristocrat.We got elegance, if you ain’t got eleganceYou can never, ever carry it off.
CORNELIUS: All who are well-bred agreeMinnie Fay has pedigree
MINNIE: Exercise your wildest whims tonight
IRENE: We are out with Diamond Jims tonight.
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MINNIE: Couldn’t be misleading us
CORNELIUS & BARNABY: Silver spoons were used for feeding us.We got elegance, if you ain’t got elegance
ALL 4: You can never, ever carry it off!
JOSIE: Middle class, don’t speak of it!
EMILY: Savoir faire, we reek of it!
HENRIETTA: Some were born with rags and patches, but
FLORA: We use dollar bills as matches, and
MINNIE: Vanderbilt cowtows to us.
IRENE: JP Morgan scrapes and bows to us.
ALL: We got eleganceWe got built-in elegance,And with
CORNELIUS & BARNABY: EleganceIRENE & EMILY: EleganceFLORA & EMMELINA: EleganceMINNIE & JOSIE: Elegance
ALL: We’ll carry it off!
ADD Harry, Louie Stanley, Danny, Manny, and Hank
We got elegance. If you ain’t got eleganceYou can never, every carry it off!We got eleganceWe got elegance…
IRENE: Oh, look, Minnie…They’re counting their money again! Isn’t that justlike the rich! Well, gentlemen, aren’t you going to escort us in?
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ACT TWO—SCENE 2No. 11a (m. 1-8) March to Harmonia Gardens
RUDOLPH: Und it is my order, as headwaiter of the Harmonia Gardens, undyour supreme commander, that tonight of all nights, our usual lightningservice will be twice as lightning as ever! (Blows whistle)
No. 12 Waiters’ Galop (to first double bar, m. 34)
No. 12 (Letter C)
RUDOLPH: I trust you are finding this table satisfactory, sir.
BARNABY: A dollar forty, Cornelius. That’s all that’s left.
CORNELIUS: Are you sure? Count it again!!
IRENE: Prepare yourself for a big night, Minnie. I’m going to order everything on the menu! Waiter!
No. 12 m. 308 through close(During this sequence, Horace and Barnaby accidentally exchange wallets.)
STANLEY: Sir! Sir!
RUDOLPH: What’s this? Shouting? Why, this is the Harmonia Gardens!
STANLEY: But, sir, it’s she! The Lady!
RUDOLPH: What? Are you sure?
STANLEY: Like you told me, sir…eight o’clock on the nose, up pulls a carriage and out steps a tall lady with red hair and the biggest handbag you’ve ever seen!
RUDOLPH: It’s she! She’s back!
FRITZ: Rudolph, it’s true! I heard her outside the kitchen window…
RUDOLPH: It’s true! Fritz, tell the band!No. 12a Hello, Dolly-Agitato
LOUIS: Rudolph, it’s true, no?
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RUDOLPH: It’s true!
MANNY: Ah, Rudolph, it’s like old times!STANLEY: Sir? Sir? She’s here!
No. 13 Hello, Dolly
MRS. LEVI: Hello, Harry,Well, hello, LouieIt’s so nice to be back home where I belon.You’re lookin’ swell, Danny.I can tell, Manny,You’re still glowin’, you’re still crowin’,You’re still goin’ strong.I feel the room swayin’,For the band’s playin’One of my old fav’rite songs from ‘way back when.So, bridge that gap, fellas,Find me an empty lap, fellas.Dolly’ll never go away again!
ENSEMBLE: Hello, Dolly!(Solos TBA) Well, hello, Dolly!
It’s so nice to have you back where you belo.You’re lookin’ swell, Dolly,We can tell, Dolly,You’re still glowin’, you’re still crowin’,You’re still goin’ strong.We feel the room swayin’,For the band’s playin’One of your old fav’rite songs from ‘way back when.So,
MRS. LEVI: Golly, gee, fellas,Find me a vacant knee, fellas
ENSEMBLE: Dolly’ll never go away again.Well, well, hello DollyWell, hello, DollyIt’s so nice to have you back where you belong.You’re lookin’ swell, Dolly, we can tell, Dolly,You’re still glowin, you’re still crowin’, you’re stillGoin’ strong.We feel the room swayin’, for the bands playin’
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One of your old fav’rite songs from way back when.MRS. LEVI: Waw, waw, waw, fellas!ALL: Hey, yow!
DOLLY: Look at the old girl, now, fellas!
ALL: Dolly’ll never go away again!
No. 13a Hello, Dolly (reprise)
We feel the room swayin’,For the band’s playin’One of our old fav’rite songs from ‘way back when.So,Dolly’ll never go away again.
No. 14 Waiter’s Gallop Reprise
VANDERGELDER: Excuse me, Dolly! Dolly Gallagher? What are you doing?You’re half an hour late! And where is Miss Money?
MRS. LEVI: Ernestina?
VANDERGELDER: Exactly!
MRS. LEVI: Ernestina, whom I trusted! Well, she always was artistic. Now, don’t say another word about it, I’m as shocked as you are. I-can’t-eat-a-thing-what-have-you-ordered? Did you say chicken? Oh, I don’t think I could face a chicken, not a chicken, not today, not after what’s happened.
VANDERGELDER: Good! Then cancel the chicken!
MRS. LEVI: And bring a turkey!
VANDERGELDER: What are you doing now?
MRS. LEVI: Just looking the place over. Getting acquainted with the surroundings!
VANDERGELDER: That’s the trouble with you, Dolly. Always wanting to know everything! Always putting your nose into other people’s affairs. Anybody who married you would get as nervous as a cat.
MRS. LEVI: Horace Vandergelder, get that idea right out of your head this minute. I’m surprised that you even mentioned such a thing! Understand once and for all that I have no intention of marrying you!
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VANDERGELDER: I didn’t mean that!
MRS. LEVI: Well, I certainly hope not! Horace Vandergelder, yougo your way, and I’ll go mine! Why, the idea of you even suggestingsuch a thing!
VANDERGELDER: Mrs. Levi, you misunderstand me!
MRS. LEVI: Well, I certainly do hope not! However, since you brought the matter up, there’s one more thing I ought to say.
VANDERGELDER: I didn’t bring the matter up at all.
MRS. LEVI: Very well, let’s not say another word about it. You salt your beets, and I’ll salt mine.
VANDERGELDER: Would you stop saying that!
MRS. LEVI: I won’t say another word. The pity of it is you could be a perfectlycharming, witty, amiable man if you wanted to be.
VANDERGELDER: I don’t want to be charming!
MRS. LEVI: But you are! Look at you now! You cant’ hide it!
VANDERGELDER: You’re wasting your time, Dolly Levi. I won’task you to marry me!
MRS. LEVI: I suppose that means you want me to ask you. Well, I’m sorry,Horace. I’m turning you down.
VANDERGELDER: How can you turn me down when I haven’t asked you anything?
MRS. LEVI: It’s no use arguing. I’ve made up your mind.
VANDERGELDER: I have a headache. I’m going back to my hotel.
MRS. LEVI: You can’t go now! The competition’s about to begin!
No. 15 Polka
VANDERGELDER: Here’s the money for the dinner…wait a minute. There’s nothing in here but a dollar, three dimes, five pennies, and a button!This isn’t my purse! I’ve lost my purse!
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CORNELIUS: Barnaby, that purse you found….
VANDERGELDER: What am I going to do?
BARNABY: It’s Vandergelder’s!
VANDERGELDER: They don’t know me here! I’ve never been here before!
BARNABY: Cornelius, we better get out of here!
CORNELIUS: Come along, Mrs. Molloy. It’s been a perfectly wonderful evening, but I’m afraid we’re going to have to cut it a bit…excuse me!...short!
IRENE: Cornelius, I simply must have one dance!
VANDERGELDER: Wait a minute! That man! That dancer!
BARNABY: Mr. Vandergelder is right there!
MRS. LEVI: isn’t it wonderful? With a talent like that, he’s sure to win the solid goldcup!
IRENE: We’ll go!
MINNIE: But we’ll dance our way out!
VANDERGELDER: Cornelius Hackl!
CORNELIUS: Mr. Vandergelder!
VANDERGELDER: Barnaby Tucker!
BARNABY: Mr. Vandergelder!
ERMENGARDE: Waaaaaaah!
VANDERGELDER: Ermengarde! Dolly Levi, this is your doing! What are you up to?
CORNELIUS: Mr. Vandergelder, I can explain everything—
VANDERGELDER: I don’t want your explanations, you’re fired!
RUDOLPH: Officer, arrest that man!
OFFICER : All right, you’re all under arrest. Arrest them all! All of you!
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ACT TWO—SCENE 3The Courtroom
JUDGE: Quiet! Quiet! That’s better! Now, you’re all charged with disturbingThe peace, assault and battery, inciting to riot, and several other equallySerious violations. I say, is there anyone her to speak on your behalf?
(Silence. Dolly hands her card to the Clerk, who hands it to the Judge.)
Mrs. Dolly Levi, Counselor at Law!
MRS. LEVI: Your honor… the defense rests.No, there is no need to call witnesses, ladies and gentlemen, when I see uponThat bench a brow that gleams with honor! A living symbol of the motto of this great land—Your Honor, I ask for freedom for my clients and verdict ofguilty from the only real culprit…Horace Vandergelder of Yonkers, New York!
VANDERGELDER: Dolly!
MRS. LEVI: the on e man responsible for these grievous charges of willful destruction of private property, cruelty to a poor unfortunate minor—
(Ermengarde wails.)
Would you mind repeating that, dear?
CORNELIUS: Begging your pardon, Mrs. Levi, but if it pleases the court, I havesomething to say.
MRS. LEVI: I was just about to call on you, Mr. Hackl. Go right ahead.
VANDERGELDER: Cornelius Hackl, if you dare testify against me, you’ll bedischarged!
JOSIE: You’ve already done that, Mr. Vandergelder.
VANDERGELDER: I’ll do it again!
ERMENGARDE: You’ve done it again, too.
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CORNELIUS: But even if you hadn’t, I’d still say what I have to say.
I don’t know much about disturbing the peace or inciting a riot, butI do know that what happened to me today, which is the most important thing that can happen to anyone, might never have happened if I’d obeyed your orders and stayed in Yonkers, New York. Your Honor, I am talking about none other than….Love!
VANDERGELDER: What? You’re trying t tell me that after thirty-three years you’vefallen in love because you take one evening off?
CORNELIUS: Oh no, Mr. Vandergelder. I didn’t fall in love with Mrs. Iren Molloy of this city in just an evening—an hour! Even that’s too long. What’s lessthan a minute?
JOSIE: A second!
CORNELIUS: Less than that!
MINNIE FAY: A…a moment!
No. 16 It Only Takes a Moment
CORNELIUS: That’s it! (to the Clerk) I’ll go slowly so you can get it all down.
It only takes a momentFor your eyes to meet and thenYour hear knows in a momentYou will never be alone again.I held her for an instant,But my arms felt sure and strongIt only takes a momentTo be loved your whole life long.
Isn’t the world full of wonderful things? There I sat cooped up in Yonkers for years and years and all the time wonderful people like Mrs. Molloy were walking around in New York, and I didn’t know them at all! Of course, I’ve seen women before. But today, I talked to one equal to equal, and they’re so different from men! Today, I’ve lost so many things. My job, my future, everything that people think Is important, but I don’t care. Even if I have to dig ditches for the rest of my life, I’ll be a ditch digger who once had a wonderful day.
CLERK: I missed a few words back there, Mr. Hackl. Right after “it only…”
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No. 16a It Only Takes a Moment—Part II
JOSIE …Takes a moment,IRENE: But his arms felt sure and strongALL: It only takes a moment—
ALL: He held her for an instantBut his arms felt safe and strongIt only takes a moment To be loved a whole life long.
CORNELIUS: And that is all that love’s about
IRENE: And we’ll recall when time runs out
BOTH: That it only takes a moment To be loved a whole life long.
JUDGE: Dismissed! Dismissed. All dismissed, except HoraceVandergelder of Yonkers, New York! You’re all dismissed!You’re free, my children. And bless you! Go, go!
No. 16B End of Courtroom Scene
OFFICER WEBB: You can see the prisoner now, Mrs. Levi.
MRS. LEVI: Well, Horace, that’ your life…without niece, without clerks, withoutBride, and without your purse. It looks like there’s only one thing more to say…
VANDERGELDER: It it’s to ask me to marry you, Dolly Gallagher, never! Not in a million years! Under no circumstances will I ever marry you!
MRS. LEVI: Oh, that wasn’t it at all. Horace, all I want to say to you was—
No. 17 So Long, Dearie
MRS. LEVI: Goodbye!
VANDERGELDER: What?
MRS. LEVI: Goodbye!
VANDERGELDER: Now hold on, Dolly—
MRS. LEVI: It’s too late, Horace. I’ve failed.
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VANDERGELDER: Wait!
MRS. LEVI: But—
VANDERGELDER: Hey—
MRS. LEVI: Goodbye, goodbye, goodbyeGoodbye, goodbye, goodbyeDon’t try to stop me, Horace, please.
Wave your little hand and whisper“So long, dearie.”You ain’t gonna see me anymore.But when you discover that your life is drearyDon’t you come knockin’ at my door.For I’ll be all dolled up And singin’ that songThat says “Now look, I told you so.”So, wave your little hand and whisper“So long, dearie”Dearie, should have said “so long”So long a go.
For I’ll be all dolled up And singin’ that songThat says “Now look, I told you so.”So, wave your little hand and whisper“So long, dearie”Dearie, should have said “so long”So long a go.
No. 17a Change of Scene
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ACT TWO—SCENE 4Vandergelder’s Feed Store
VANDERGELDER: And I wouldn’t marry you, Dolly Levi, if you were the last woman on earth. Not if you asked me a million times. Dolly Levi, you go your way, and I’ll go mine.
CORNELIUS: Mr. Vandergelder?
VANDERGELDER: Oh, so it’s you, is it, Mr. Hackl? Come crawling back, have you?
CORNELIUS: No, Mr. Vandergelder! I just stopped by form my one hundred and forty-six dollars and thirty-five cents. You see, I’ve decided to go into business for myself, and since the only business I know is hay and feed, I’mopening up my own store.
IRENE: And Cornelius has found the perfect location, Mr. Vandergelder. Right across the street from you.
BARNABY: Ahem!
VANDERGELDER: Aha! Another one come crawling, is it? What do you want.
BARNABY: My back salary for the past four months—six dollars and twelve cents!
MRS. LEVI: Why, Horace Vandergelder, as I live and breathe, if you aren’t handsome in that outfit! So few men nowadays have the courage to wear faun yellow and taupe!
VANDERGELDER: Dolly Gallagher!
MRS. LEVI: I have found another girl for you Horace. I have found you the idealwife—but don’t let me interrupt you. You were doing something, what were you doing?
IRENE: Getting Cornelius’s money, Dolly, one hundred forty-six dollars.
CORNELIUS: And thirty-five cents.
BARNABY: Plus six dollars and twelve cents of mine.
ERMENGARDE: And the money mama left me. Fifty two dollars and forty-eight cents.
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VANDERGELDER: Thirty-eight!
AMBROSE/ERMENGARDE: Forty-eight!
MRS. LEVI: Money, money, money, money, money, Mr. Vandergelder’s money.It’s like the sun we walk under—it can kill or cure. As my late husband, Ephraim Levi, use to say, money…pardon the expression…is like manure. It’snot worth a thing unless it’s spread around encouraging young things togrow! Anyhow, that’s the opinion of the second Mrs. Vandergelder! Whichreminds me, Ephraim, I’m ready for that sign!
(Paper hanger enters)
VANDERGELDER: Well, don’t just stand there! That goes upstairs.
MRS. LEVI: Well, Horace, as I was saying, I’ve found you the ideal wife.
VANDERGELDER: Dolly Gallagher, I don’t want you to find me the ideal wives! IfI want an ideal wife, I’ll find one of my own, and I’ve found her! And it’s you, doggone it!
MRS. LEVI: Why, Horace—
VANDERGELDER: I know I’ve been a fool—but forgive me. Marry me!
MRS. LEVI: Horace—stop right there! Horace, you are the first citizen of Yonkers. And your wife would have to be a somebody. Tell me, am I a somebody?
VANDERGELDER: You are, wonderful woman!
MRS. LEVI: Oh, you’re partial! By the way, it’s bad business letting Cornelius opena store right across the street from you. Better take him back and let him beyour partner.
VANDERGELDER: Partner?
MRS. LEVI: And Barnaby can have Cornelius’ old job! VANDERGELDER: Now, see here, Dolly!
MRS. LEVI: That way we’ll all be together so we can dance at Ermengarde’s wedding!
VANDERGELDER: That does it! You’ve gone too far, Dolly. I dance at no weddings,and besides, I don’t know how to dance…(reads card Dolly offers him.) All right. I’ll dance.
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MRS. LEVI: Horace, I never thought I’d hear you say a thing like that!
VANDERGELDER: The front room, idiot! Well, go on! What are you waiting for?
MRS. LEVI: Horace Vandergelder, what is going on up there?
VANDERGELDER: Oh nothing, just thought I’d have the front room done over in blue wallpaper—
No. 18 Finale Ultimo
MRS. LEVI: Horace…
VANDERGELDER: I know the old paper ain’t worn out yet, but the at fella’s just set up a business and needs a good start. You see, Dolly, I’ve always felt that money, pardon my expression, is like manure. It’s not worth a thing unless—
MRS. LEVI: Thank you, Ephraim—
VANDERGELDER: Hello, DollyWell, hello, Dolly,It’s so nice to have you here where you belong
I never knew, DollyWithout you, DollyLife was awfully flat, and more than that,Was awfully wrong
MRS. LEVI: Here’s my hat, HoraceI’m staying where I’m at, HoraceDolly’ll never go away
VANDERGELDER: Wonderful woman!
BOTH: Again.
ALL:
Put on your Sunday clothes when you feel down and out.Strut down the street and have your picture took.Dressed like a dream, your spirits seem to turn about.That Sunday shine is a certain signThat you feel as fine as you look!Beneath your parasol the world is all a smile
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That makes you feel brand-new down to your toes.Get out your feathers, your patent leathers, Your beads and buckles and bows!For there’s no blue Monday in your Sunday clothes.
Hello…Well, Hello….It’s so nice to have you back where you belong Never, oh, never go away again!
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