WhentheUnthinkableHappens...FindingaPathtoHealingAfteraMurder/Suicide:
ASurvivor’sPerspective
StephanieWillard,LAcJanaDeCristofaro, LCSW
TheDougyCenterforGrievingChildren&Families
● Inagenuinemurder/suicide,boththesuicideandmurderoccurasafunctionofasinglecontinuousprocess.■ Thomas Joiner
DefinitionofMurderSuicide
Thereisnocomprehensivenationaldatabaseortrackingsystem
Estimates:● 1,000-1,500murder-suicidedeaths/year● 46%ofmurder-suicideeventsinvolve3ormorehomicidevictims
● 11-12murder-suicideevents/weekintheU.S.● Gunsareusedin92%ofevents
Source:ViolencePolicyCenterAmericanRoulette:Murder/SuicideintheUS(2015)
Murder-SuicideStatistics
Statisticscontinued
• 94%ofperpetratorsaremale
• 70%ofthehomicidevictimsarewomen
• 14%ofthevictimsarechildren
• 72%ofmurder/suicideeventsinvolveanintimatepartner
• 81%ofeventsoccurinthehome
● Mentendtokilltheirchildrenandintimatepartnerspriortotheirownsuicidedeath
● Womentendtokilltheirchildrenandthemselvesbutsparetheirpartner
● Adults55+haveamurder-suicideratetwiceashighasyoungeradults
Statisticscontinued
Children’sExpression
● Multipledeaths
● Socialisolationbecauseofthestigma
● Fearfortheirsafety
● Challengeofmakingsenseofasenselessact
ComplexityofMurder-SuicideforChildren
● Intenseandinvasivemedia,communityknowledge
● Howtogrievesomeonewhokilledotherfamily
● Guiltfornotprotectingandpreventingact
● Intenseemotions– fear,rage,revenge
ComplexityofMurder-SuicideforChildren
● Whowillcareforthem?
● Everythingmightchange
● Howtocomprehend?
● Stigmaofbothamurderandasuicidedeath
ImpactonChildren
● Howtogrievethesuicidedeath
● Emotional&physicalimpactofwitnessing/experiencingtrauma
● Themediacoverageisintenseandaddscomplexity
ImpactonChildren
● Feelingsofabandonmentandguiltfornotprotectingthepersonwhowaskilled
● Angerorragetowardsthepersonwhokilledtheirfamilymember
● Anxietyorisolationhardtofindotherswhounderstandtheirsituation
ImpactonChildren
Lisa,3Dadshotmomandthenhimself
Jaimie,10Momshotdadthenherself
Steve,14Brotherkilled2strangers,thenkilledhimself
Children’sExpression
● Shame&guilt
● Anger&rage
● Fear
● Hypervigilance
● Trauma– PTSD
CommonReactions
● Confusion
● Changesinsleep/eating/behaviors
● Isolation
● Relief
CommonReactions
● Behonestaboutwhathappened
● Limitexposuretomedia
● Createasenseofsafety
● Grieve&remembereveryonewhodied
● Makeroomforallemotions
HowtoSupportChildren/Teens
● Provideroutinesandchoices
● Offersupport- tangible,emotional
● Beawareneeds– loudnoises,smells,crowds,specialdays
● Createopportunitiesforplay&creativeexpression
HowtoSupportChildren/Teens
Children’sExpression
StephanieWillard
