WORKBOOK BOOST YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE · 2018-05-21 · CONFIDENCE IS NOT something we are born with....

a d v a n c i n g w o m e n i n b u s i n e s s

BOOST YOURSELF-CONFIDENCE

WORKBOOK

2www.everywoman.com

CONTENTSAbout this workbook

Introduction

Section 1. Your confidenceHow assertive are you?

How high or low is your self-esteem?Know what you do well

How do you want to be perceived?Your value system

What do other people think?Identifying areas of low confidence

Section 2. Building your confidenceGet mentored

Challenge your thinkingAffirmations

Setting goals

Section 3. Communicating your confidenceManage your thinking

Manage your attitude and behaviourNon-verbal communication

Visual imageListening skills

Questioning skills

Section 4. Keeping up the momentumTurn theory into reality

StrategiesYour confidence plan

Five tips

3

4

56

811

1415

1719

2122

2326

28

3233

3436

3739

41

4344

4546

47

48

3www.everywoman.com

ESTABLISHED IN 1999, everywoman works to advance all women in business.

Through our work with individuals and organisations, we know that being confident and assertive is a key element to paving a successful path in business. Fortunately, your levels of confidence can be built up over time, just like all other personal development areas. In this workbook, we will give you not only the theory behind confidence building, but also some practical exercises that will help you develop your confidence.

Over the past decade, we have met with thousands of businesswomen, and the subject of confidence comes up frequently. We are in no doubt that there are core differences between men and women in this area, especially when it comes to communicating with others and dealing with conflict.

This subject is therefore of special importance to women and it has made this particular workbook a big one. But don’t worry: we will guide you through it while boosting your confidence levels, regardless of your starting point.

In this workbook, we will help you to understand where you are starting from, the role that self-esteem plays in building confidence and tips on what to put into practice to help you become a confident and assertive businesswoman.

We will help you identify the personal strengths you already possess that you can tap into. Then, when reading through each chapter, make sure you spend time carrying out the actions and tasks that accompany each section – these are the parts that will really help you develop.

Our quarterly online seminars will support the key learning points in this workbook and give an opportunity to ask our experts any questions you may have. If you are unable to join us for any of the live events, you can listen to the seminars shortly afterwards when they are posted as videos to the everywoman site.

Good luck! We look forward to seeing you on the everywomanNetwork and hearing how you have benefited from this confidence-building workbook.

The everywoman team

ABOUT TH IS WORKBOOK

4www.everywoman.com

IN TRODUCT IONCONFIDENCE IS NOT something we are born with. It is shaped by experiences in childhood, early adolescence and adulthood.

Confidence is more than just a state of mind or a skill that can be enhanced over time. It is a barometer of how you perceive yourself. The good news is that you can build up this belief in yourself over time.

Confidence is a constantly evolving state of being. We can feel amazingly confident carrying out some tasks and have a crippling fear of others. Think of a neurosurgeon: no one can doubt her intelligence, dedication and skill, yet ask her to present to an audience of her peers and you may see the colour drain from her face.

The act of building your confidence can seem daunting. However, the freedom you will feel when you have deep-rooted

self-assurance will be exhilarating. Having confidence doesn’t mean you will never feel fearful, but it allows you to work through your fears and enjoy the process of moving out of your comfort zone. This, in turn, builds even more confidence.

No one can build your confidence for you, so if you want to change, you must be willing to give it a go. There may be sections of this workbook that you feel you can act on immediately. There will be others that will challenge you and force you to think more deeply.

The most important foundation for building confidence is to remember that you don’t need to, and must not aspire to, change overnight. It takes time to become confident, both internally and to others. It is not about being outside of your comfort zone and entering the ‘panic zone’ as shown below. It is about working hard to make that comfort zone bigger.

COMFORT ZONE

LEARN ING ZONE

PAN IC ZONE

5www.everywoman.com

Before we boost your confidence, let’s take a look at where you currently stand

S ECT ION 1 .YOUR

CONF IDENCE

www.everywoman.com

2 . B U I L D ING Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE 3 . C OMMUNIC AT ING Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE 4 . K E E P ING UP T HE MOME N T UM

1 . Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE

6

How assertive are you?ASSERT I V E PEOPLE COME ACROSS as conf ident and i n contro l . They express the ir v i ews and op in ions w ithout

appear ing aggress i ve ; they va lue the v i ews and op in ions of others and can i nf luence outcomes .

Assertiveness v self-confidence

Assertiveness cannot exist without there being interaction

with another personSelf-confidence can exist

in isolation

That said, assertiveness and self-confidence are inextricably linked. Confidence gives you the inner strength to take control of a situation. Assertiveness is how we externally demonstrate self-confidence.

Complete the self-diagnostic below to analyse how assertive you are at work.

How assertive are you at work?

1) HOW OF TEN DO YOU FEEL THAT THINGS ARE ‘DUMPED’ ON YOU?a) Quite a lot of the t ime, but that’s how it isb) Not very often. I ’m generally in control because I manage expectationsc) No one would dare

2) WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU’RE STRUGGL ING TO BE HE ARD?a) Nothing. The other person generally knows more than meb) I indicate when I ’m going to speak by maintaining eye contact

and using my body languagec) I speak louder and more forcefully. That way , they have to l isten

3) HOW DO YOU HANDLE CHALLENGING CONVERSAT IONS?a) I tend to give in; I don’t l ike conflictb) I l isten to the other person, take stock of the s ituation and work towards a win/win solutionc) I ’ l l go to any lengths to get my own way

EXERCISE

www.everywoman.com



7

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL YOU ARE V IE WED IN THE BUSINESS? a) I don’t feel I am valued; I ’m always overruled and ignored b) I feel respected and feel that most people would say

I do a good job c) As long as I ’m good at what I do, I don’t really care

what they think . What does it matter?

5) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PRESENT ING TO YOUR PEERS?

a) I worry because I doubt my abil ity b) It ’s excit ing to share the great things I ’m

involved in c) It ’s important that my peers understand

how good I am

SCORINGa=1, b=2 and c=3

5–8. This score indicates that you may be at the passive end of the assertiveness scale . Potentially , you are being taken for

granted – or at least perceive that you are. It might be a good idea to seek out the adv ice of a trusted colleague or mentor who

may be able to help you be more assertive .

9–12 . This score indicates that you are probably assertive . Remember, conf idence and assertiveness are l ike muscles , so exercise them.

13–15. This score indicates that you may come across as aggressive, which can cause unnecessary conflict and tension at work. Being assertive rather than

aggressive is a more balanced way to operate and will lead to greater results.

EXERCISE continued

PASSIVE A passive person will avoid expressing their opinions, generally believing that they are not worth taking care of. Passive people will usually not assert themselves or openly verbalise their feelings or needs, allowing others to ride roughshod over them. This can amount to a passive person often feeling anxious, depressed and sometimes resentful.

ASSERTIVE An assertive person is very clear about their opinions, needs and feelings and is able to express these freely without fear of reprisal. They will also generally have high regard for others, actively listening to other viewpoints and communicating in a calm and respectful manner.

AGGRESSIVE An aggressive individual is clear about their needs and opinions and will step over everyone to get it. They can be verbally and sometimes physically abusive, and this can be displayed in a variety of ways, from not respecting someone’s personal space to verbally attacking or ridiculing them. Interestingly, this ego state is generally born out of a feeling of powerlessness and a lack of self-esteem.

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE Passive-aggressive individuals appear passive on the surface but are affected by dramatic emotions underneath the surface. Rather than confront an issue, they will smile sweetly and carry out acts of sabotage on the focus of their resentment. This, again, is born from a feeling of powerlessness and a lack of self-esteem.

With the exception of assertiveness, the other three states, although wildly different in displayed behaviour, stem from a lack of power or a feeling of unworthiness and a need to be addressed.

Non-assertiveness may be seen as the use of inefficient communication skills, whereas assertiveness is considered a balanced response, being neither passive nor aggressive.

Being assertive involves taking into consideration not only your own rights, wishes, wants, needs and desires, but also those of the other person. Assertiveness means encouraging others to be open and honest about their views, wishes and feelings so that both parties act appropriately.

How assertive are you?

www.everywoman.com



8

How high or low is your self-esteem?SELF-ESTEEM IS THE FOUNDAT ION on wh ich your conf idence i s bu i l t . I t i s your overa l l

eva luat ion of your worth or va lue . I f you don’t ho ld yourse lf i n h igh regard , you won’t behave conf ident ly around others .

Before you can develop high self-esteem, we need to understand where low self-esteem comes from.

What are some reasons for low self-esteem?

• Negat i ve th ink ing

• Se lf - sabotage

• Low emot iona l i nte l l i gence

• Not upho ld ing your va lue system

“Nobody can make you feel inferior

without your consent”

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

www.everywoman.com



9

STATEMENT Strongly agree Agree Disagree Strongly

disagree

1. I feel I am a person of worth, at least on an equal plane w ith others

2 . I feel that I have a number of good qual it ies

3 . A l l in al l , I am inc l ined to feel that I am a fai lure

4 . I am able to do things as wel l as most other people

5 . I feel I do not have much to be proud of

6. I take a pos it i ve att itude towards myself

7. On the whole , I am satisf ied w ith myself

8 . I w ish I could have more respect for myself

9. I certainly feel useless at t imes

10 . At t imes I think I am no good at al l

How high or low is your self-esteem?

The Rosenberg self-esteem scaleThe Rosenberg self-esteem scale was developed by Dr Morris Rosenberg and is used widely in social science research.Because the concept of self-esteem is one that most people are famil iar with, this test wil l probably not tell you anything you do not already know. You should have a pretty good grasp of your results just by ask ing yourself the question, “Do I have low self-esteem?” Where this scale is helpful is in giv ing you a numerical indication of your self-esteem health. The clearer you are about your self-esteem, the better you can learn to take care of yourself.

Don’t take this as a precise measure, but use it as a guide. Learn what you need to work on and think more deeply about why you feel the way you do.

Respond to the items quick ly , without over-think ing ; t ick your f irst inclination.

EXERCISE

T URN O V E R T O S E E W H AT Y OUR S C ORE ME A NS

www.everywoman.com



10

What does self-esteem mean to you?Think about a t ime when you felt your self-esteem was high. If you truly can’t think of a t ime, think about someone else with high self-esteem and answer the questions from his or her point of v iew.

• Where were you?

• What were you do ing?

• In what way d id you behave d i fferent ly?

• In what way d id you th ink d i fferent ly?

Compare this with a s ituation where you felt your self-esteem was low.

• Where were you?

• What were you do ing?

• How were you behav ing?

• Were there any part icu lar patterns or themes to your th ink ing?

EXERCISE

Action

How high or low is your self-esteem?

The scale ranges from 0-30. Scores between 15 and 25 are within normal range; scores below 15 suggest low self-esteem.

How can you use this number? It is important to remember that our frame of mind when we take a questionnaire like this will often slightly affect the results. That said, it will show where you sit compared with others – and reassure you that most people have average self-esteem. It is perfectly common to not feel 100% positive, useful and effective at all times.

If your score is low, don’t worry. The next steps in this workbook will help you become more confident in your day-to-day environment. If your score was medium to high, there are still many areas that you can focus on, such as goal setting, giving and receiving feedback and building on any areas you will identify where you are less confident.

Now that you understand what self-esteem is, it will be easier to work on

developing it. The next time you feel your self-esteem has been knocked

down, or it needs a boost, look at the areas highlighted in this section and reflect on

what has happened, and then create some small steps to help yourself. If you have

a mentor (see section 2), you could work through this area with them.

SCOR INGFor items 1 , 2 , 4 , 6 and 7:

Strongly agree = 3Agree = 2

Disagree = 1Strongly disagree = 0

For items 3 , 5 , 8 , 9 and 10:Agree = 1Disagree = 2Strongly disagree = 3

Your score: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

www.everywoman.com



11

Know what you do wel lOF TEN , WE ARE TOO FOCUSED on what we have not been ab le to accomp l i sh or do perfect ly . We forget

to acknowledge our successes , l et a lone ce lebrate them. Be ing conf ident means knowing what you do we l l and cont inu ing to do i t more . I t means ident ify ing what i s a l ready work ing and focus ing on your

core strengths .

What have you done i n the past week?

In which roles have you had success? Th ink about a l l the d i fferent ro les you m ight have i n l i fe :

EXERCISE

MO T HE R S I S T E R D A UGH T E R

CHE F C L E A NE R C O A CH

C OUNSE L L OR CH A UF F E UR C OU S IN

B O S S C OL L E A GUE F R I E ND

L O V E R C ONF ID A N T E C ONDUC T OR

NE IGHB OUR C A RE R A S S I S TA N T

M A N A GE R A UN T G ODMO T HE R

Wr ite down at l east three th ings you have successfu l l y accomp l i shed i n the past week w ith in one or more of the ro les above .

1 .

2 .

3 .

www.everywoman.com



12

Take time to acknowledge the successes you have had in the many roles you play in life. We often fail to recognise the value we individually bring to our own and others’ lives.

Now try thinking even more broadly. What more far-reaching successes have you had in your life? It might help to categorise them using the areas below. Don’t worry about how big or small the accomplishment is; it is vital to understand that every achievement is significant.

Know what you do wel l

Family

Fr iends

Career

Goodwil l

Education

E xtracurricular

Spir itual

Any other areas?

www.everywoman.com



13

Now, take a few minutes to look through each area to appreciate what you have achieved so far. It may be that you see areas where you wish you could achieve more. Perhaps you have been sitting in your comfort zone too long and have lost sight of how to challenge yourself. Looking back tells us what we have achieved; now you need to look forward to see what else is on the horizon. Capture the positive feelings that materialise when you recall a success and think about how to relive those feelings. Being confident is about using positives from the past to help you be even more successful in the future.

“Being confident is giving yourself

a pat on the back when no one else does”

Action

Before moving on to the next exercise, think about how the previous exercise helped you. Find a way to take a few minutes every week to think about what you have achieved and reflect on what you can learn from those successes.

Know what you do wel l

www.everywoman.com



14

How do you want to be perceived?PEOPLE GRAV I TATE TO THOSE w ith se l f - conf idence , because when you have i t , your ab i l i ty to i nf luence ,

i nsp i re and gu ide f lour i shes . The best way to start bu i l d ing conf idence i s to tru ly understand your start ing po int . E veryone has strengths , but i t i s somet imes d i ff i cu lt to d i scover them.

Who are your role models?

Think about those you would class ify as successful . It can be people you work with, social ise with or even someone famous you ‘know of ’ but do not really know. L ist some of the qualit ies that you think make them successful .

• • • • Does confidence come into play? It might even be confidence disguised as strengths , such as being self-aware, f inding it easy to speak to people or hav ing high self-regard or an abil ity to set and meet goals .

Now, l ist some things you already have in common with them.

• • • •

How you want to be perceived will to some degree be shaped by your values. Let’s look at those next.

EXERCISE

www.everywoman.com



15

Your value systemWE HAVE ALL BEEN IN A SITUATION where we have to question whether what we are undertaking is what we truly

feel is the right thing to do. Being asked to work in a way that contradicts our own value system can have a damaging effect. If we lack assertiveness to push back or stand up for what we bel ieve in, it can wear down

our confidence. Our value system is our internal compass, pointing us in the right direction.

What are your core values?Think back to when we asked you to consider examples in which you had success . Look again at each area and try to establish what you perceive as your values in those areas . See if there are any warning s igns – areas in which your values aren’t matching your success . For example, you may have made new friends at work who you now go out with often, but in turn have opted out of some longstanding engagements related to charity work you are involved in . Is this really what you want to happen?

L i st your core va lues for the fo l l ow ing :

EXERCISE

Family

Fr iends

Career

Goodwil l

Education

E xtracurricular

Spir itual

Any other areas?

www.everywoman.com



16

What are the three va lues you want to work harder to a l i gn yourse lf w ith? How w i l l you do i t?

1.

2 .

3 .

Value Action

Your value system

“It’s not whoyou are that holdsyou back, it’s who

you think you’re not”

ATTRIBUTED TO HANOCH MCCARTHY

www.everywoman.com



17

What do other people think?FOR SOME PEOPLE, THE AREAS in which they need to bui ld their confidence are obvious. For others, it is hard to

determine the starting point, or perhaps to find specific areas that they could bui ld on. Try asking those you trust what they think are the areas in which you lack confidence or that need development.

Firstly, and most importantly, make sure you are seeking feedback in order to develop your confidence, rather than just looking for approval or aiming to be congratulated. When seeking feedback, make it easy for the person to give you useful and relevant feedback by being specific. Asking “How was my presentation?” will not normally get more than a “Great, well done”.

Keep the following in mind when you are seeking feedback:

Know what you wantWhat exactly do you need feedback on and how will you use it?

Ask specific questionsDon’t be vague: asking a specific question will get you a focused answer.

Seek from the right sourcesWho will be most honest? Seek upward, peer and lower-level feedback.

What questions can you ask to get real and useful feedback? Here are some examples:

• “What two th ings do you th ink I cou ld focus on so that I wou ld be perce i ved as more conf ident?”

• “ In that presentat ion , d id I make eye contact w ith the c l i ent?”

• “What e l se cou ld I have done to engage the c l i ent more?”

• “ In your op in ion , what are two or three of my strengths? Cou ld you p lease prov ide an examp le of when you have observed them?”

• “What cou ld I do d i fferent ly to be more effect i ve?”

• “What shou ld be the pr ior i t i es for my persona l deve lopment?”

• “What spec if i ca l l y am I do ing we l l ? What cou ld be done even better?”

www.everywoman.com



18

What about receiving the feedback? Receiving feedback is incredibly difficult at the best of times. Even when we know something is completely true, it is hard to hear it come out of someone else’s mouth. You know your desk is messy – it is obvious to everyone – but being told that by someone else somehow makes us defensive. However, if you want to develop your confidence, learning how to receive and use feedback is a vital skill. It takes time and practice and will get easier to do the more you do it. Showing you can handle both developmental and positive feedback is a sure sign that you are a confident person.

Try to remember the tips below next time you have a feedback discussion.

Listen• Accept the impact of the feedback (you don’t have to agree w ith i t , but at th i s po int b i te your tongue ! )

• Eva luate feedback before respond ing

• Ask for spec if i c examp les

Don’t interrupt• Focus on act ions and next steps

• Don’t dwe l l on i t

• Don’t j ust i fy your pos it i on

What do other people think?

Getting great feedback Think about a few questions you could ask someone who is honest and trustworthy.

Who are you going to ask? Remember, people wil l be f lattered that you have asked for their opinion.

Make a commitment to get the feedback in the next week .

EXERCISE

1 .

2 .

3 .

1 .

2 .

3 .

www.everywoman.com



19

Identifying areas of low confidenceTHIS SELF-ANALYSIS TOOL WILL HELP you to identify tasks, areas or situations where you do not feel confident.

By analysing the reasons behind your lack of confidence in these areas, you can begin to appreciate how internal and external factors influence how you feel in certain situations and when carrying out particular tasks.

Set confidence goals

Make a l ist of the areas in which you don’t yet feel conf ident . Then, imagining that you are already supremely confident , decide on two goals you’d l ike to achieve in the coming month.

By identifying the common factors that make you feel under-confident in a situation (such as lack of knowledge), next time you are faced with a task or scenario where you do not feel confident, you can use the strategies above to help you deal with it.

Now, fill out the worksheets on the next page with your own scenarios.

EXERCISE

Tasks , areas or s ituations where I do not feel conf ident

e.g. Standing up and presenting at monthly update meetings

Common factors : why I feel under-confident in this scenario

e.g. Knowledge: because I worry that I won’t be able to answer all the questions I am asked

Now, focusing on the reasons you feel under-confident carrying out the tasks in the left-hand column, make a l ist of the common factors below

e.g. Lack of knowledge, lack of experience, lack of feedback

Now that you have identif ied your common reasons for under-confidence, write a l ist of the strategies you wil l use to make you feel more confident in these s ituations

e.g. Research the subject matter in advance and try to anticipate questions. Make time to practice at least a day before

Here are two examp le l i sts :

www.everywoman.com



20

Analysing your under-confidence

EXERCISE

Identifying areas of low confidence

Tasks , areas or s ituations where I do not feel conf ident

Why do you feel under-confident in these scenarios? (If you f ind this diff icult to understand now, wait until you have worked through this workbook)

Now, focusing on the reasons you feel under-confident carrying out the tasks above, make a l ist of the common factors below

Hav ing identif ied your common reasons for under-confidence, write a l ist of strategies that wil l make you more confident in these s ituations

(DON’ T f i l l this section in now. This wil l be part of your action planning at the end of this workbook)

21www.everywoman.com

Having laid the groundwork, let’s look at specific

techniques for confidence-boosting

S ECT ION 2 .BU I LD ING YOUR

CONF IDENCE

www.everywoman.com

1 . Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE 3 . C OMMUNIC AT ING Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE 4 . K E E P ING UP T HE MOME N T UM

2 . BUIL D ING Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE

22

Get mentoredMENTORING IS A CONTINUAL process of enabling people to reach ever-higher levels of performance and

achievement. If you don’t already have a mentor, now is the time to get one.

Perhaps it’s someone who you asked for feedback in the previous exercise, or you may have found another person who was particularly easy to relate to and who offered valuable advice.

Your mentor will be an impartial sounding board and will also provide support should you encounter any challenges. He or she can be from within your organisation or from outside.

A good mentor also:

• Prov ides the necessary cr i t ique that a l l ows you to know what you are do ing we l l and what areas can be further deve loped . Th i s i s espec ia l l y important for boost ing your conf idence l eve l s

• Can set l im its w ith you and understands that h i s or her j ob i s not to create a c lone , but to share knowledge and i nformat ion

Your mentor will devote the necessary time to the relationship, will be available based on what is agreed at the beginning of the relationship and will be credible – someone you can trust.

Ideally, as a mentee, you will:

• L i sten and take adv i ce

• Be open to other v i ewpo ints

• Be courageous and share v i ewpo ints

• Take respons ib i l i ty for l earn ing

• Be mot i vated to stay engaged and work to ach ieve resu lts

• Commit to and honour the t ime your mentor spends w ith you

• Commit to undertake an agreed course of act ion dur ing the process

When choosing one, remember that a mentor is : Supportive Encourages you to take r isks that are reasonable and that wil l result in your professional and personal development. Nurturing Creates a ‘r isk free’ env ironment where you can share the issues that are most cr it ical to you, knowing that it wil l be used to aid your development. ProtectiveMakes sure that you have all the information needed to make informed decis ions and prov ides you with the cr it ical knowledge and understanding of s ituations so that you get the ‘complete picture’ before tak ing any action.

www.everywoman.com



23

Chal lenge your thinking

Banish negative thinkingIt is not rocket science, but we may not realise that people react to us because of our behaviour. And our behaviour is a result of what we believe. If we believe we can’t do something, we won’t. Saying to yourself that you will never remember your whole presentation means you probably won’t. Saying to yourself that nobody listens to you in meetings probably means you won’t speak up for yourself.

We have all heard it before: “You are your own worst enemy.” This is what we call self-sabotage – when we stop ourselves from achieving what we want, whether it’s a small goal or a huge dream.

Useful thinking is the ability to modify our thinking to allow us to react more effectively and appropriately to events in our lives.

Positive thinking means we use inner dialogue to move us purposefully towards solutions to our problems.

Here are some examples of the range from negative to useful thinking.

I ’m so nervous I ’ve blown it! Don’t get anx ious! You’l l blow it!I am usually calm and confident – I w il l cope with it .

I was a total failure. Everyone wil l think I ’m an idiot .

I wasn’t a total failure. Maybe next t ime.

Most of it was OK . I ’ l l know what to do next t ime.

I didn’t get anything I wanted. I ’ l l never do any better.

I didn’t get all I wanted. I should have done it better.

I didn’t get everything I wanted, but I did it and that’s really posit ive . I ’m mak ing progress .

Negat i ve th ink ing Less-effect i ve th ink ing Pos it i ve th ink ing

www.everywoman.com



24


Monitor your negative thinking

1 . For a day or two , keep track of a l l the negat i ve thoughts you have . Th i s w i l l tra in your m ind to recogn i se when you are th ink ing negat i ve ly

2 . Th ink about some pos it i ve thoughts that you can ca l l on when you catch yourse lf th ink ing negat i ve ly

3 . For a week , p i ck an hour every day that you w i l l refuse to have negat i ve thoughts . When they creep i nto your head , push them away w ith your pos it i ve thoughts

4 . Once you have managed to do an hour a day for at l east three days runn ing , move on to ha lf a day . P i ck morn ing or afternoon and st i ck to i t , no matter what comes up

5 . By now, i t shou ld be gett ing a b i t eas ier and you are hopefu l l y not i c ing fewer negat i ve thoughts creep ing i n . When they do , you shou ld be ab le to push them out faster. Now, try for a fu l l day

What did you notice? What do you stil l need to work on? What is st il l causing you to think negatively? Were there any patterns in your think ing? If they are about a specif ic area such as your appearance or your leadership style , you have a ready-made goal to focus on. If the negative thoughts focus on a wide range of areas , you may need to work on your overall self-esteem.

By pick ing a t imeframe, you are helping to keep the issue in your conscious mind. When we let it s l ide to our subconscious , it is easy to s l ip back into old habits . So keep going until you f ind that you are satisf ied at the end of the day with how your inner dialogue is focused.

How can you sustain this posit ive inner dialogue? Believe that you can do it , and ref lect on the results . How do you feel when you have been able to push away negative thoughts? Do you feel more in control? More confident? Make sure you realise the posit ive effects of monitoring your negative think ing.

EXERCISE

www.everywoman.com



25


Action

Being put on the spot

Use this thinking when you are out of your comfort zone. Being put on the spot requires you to take a deep breath and think, rather than react, first.

When was the last time you were put on the spot? Go through the steps above and think what you could have done differently to remain calm and deal

with the situation.

Six rules for positive thinking

6 .Relax.

Worrying makesyou negative

1 .Deal in specifics,not general ities

5 .Focus on

outcomes

3 .How haveyou coped

in the past?

2 .Nothing is ever

al l bad. Lookfor the positives

4 .What can you

do to make things better?

www.everywoman.com



26

AffirmationsPICTURE YOURSELF DOING things right. Any successful athlete wil l tell you, “In my head, I had already won gold.”

When we look at confidence-building, we need to look both internally and externally. We often feel less confident because someone around us oozes confidence. We hold ourselves to that same standard and anything

else feels l ike a letdown. Understanding that every thought we have has an effect that either l imits us or expands our potential is vital to building self-esteem. In turn, this builds confidence.

There are many things we can do to focus on positive thinking and increase our self-worth.

Affirmations are an effective way to keep yourself on track, boost confidence and help you feel great about yourself and your future success. It can also replace some of your negative internal dialogue.

Affirmations are instructions to yourself that focus on the positive end result and reaffirm your worth.

You can build confidence by using affirmations to support your goals and keep you positive and focused. Use them to change the way you think and behave.

Affirmations can be used in any area you wish to support with positive thinking.

Let’s focus on confidence-building. Try writing an affirmation about confidence-boosting: describe things like the qualities you exhibit, the attitude you hold or the actions you take.

Be careful about the wording; make sure you write it in the positive. Not “I don’t fear asking for help”, but “I know when I need help and will ask for it”. Not “I am not a slow learner”, but ‘‘I learn things quickly”.

One way to start writing affirmations is to use sentences starting with “I am“. For example: “I am strong and brave” or “I am caring and creative”.

They are always ‘ I ’ statements that are based in the present and focus on the positive:

• I know I can do anyth ing I put my mind to

• I recogn i se the power of my own thoughts

• I have the power to make my own cho ices

• I can face any cha l l enge put to me

www.everywoman.com



27

Think positively

Take a few minutes to think about some aff irmations that are important to you.You could tap into some of the areas you came up with in the prev ious section on negative self-talk .

I am…

I am a person who is . . .

And who…

And who…

I know…

I choose…

I welcome…

I am…

What can you do with your affirmations? As we know, just writing something down doesn’t make it true. However, the first step to achieving something is to make sure you believe it. Nike’s motto, “Just do it!”, comes to mind. Believe that you can do it and you are halfway there.

Repeat your affirmations several times a day, preferably out loud. Share them with people you trust and say it like you mean it! This process helps to instil a useful mindset to build your confidence. Say it until you truly believe it.

Of course, you need to support your affirmations with action. Repeating “I am able to learn a new language” will make little difference if you don’t have a clue what language that is, and then don’t develop steps to actually learn it! We will look more closely at this in the goal-setting section.

EXERCISE

Affirmations

www.everywoman.com



28

Setting goalsWhy set goals?

A confident person knows what direction she is taking and works hard to get there. Think back to emotional intell igence and self-motivation; if you are not motivated to achieve your goal, no one else wil l be.

Imagine you are a pilot. In very simple terms, you get into your plane and know your destination – let’s say you are going from London Heathrow to Toronto. With air traffic control, you decide what route you will take and the rough amount of time it should take. Along the way, you will inevitably need to change your path, either slightly or drastically due to weather, traffic or even a volcanic eruption. But if you didn’t know where you were going in the first place, you certainly wouldn’t be able to re-evaluate along the way.

YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON TO BE YOUR PR IVATE P I LOT !Ask yourself…

• What i s go ing on?

• What do I want i nstead?

• How can I get there?

There is a simple reason you need a goal: you need a direction to work towards, no matter what gets in the way. Use goals to find a way to build your confidence and show how confident you are.

Goal setting helps separate what’s important from what’s irrelevant or a distraction.

Goal setting is a vital part of self-confidence and building self-esteem. It’s easy to have an idea about an objective, but it’s also easy to dismiss that idea.

For example – “I would love to become a teacher, write a book or be able to look someone in the eye without turning red.” But… “It’s too late to become a teacher at my age, I don’t have the time to write a book and I have always turned red, so nothing will ever change” are the thought gremlins that creep in so easily.

We have discussed positive and useful thinking and now it is time to make concrete goals that incorporate those ideas. A confident person knows in which direction she is heading and makes a plan to get there. An idea is just an idea until there is a plan behind it.

Goals come in all shapes and sizes. You can have lifetime goals and dreams, such as retiring at age 60, or five-year goals, such as learning to speak sign language fluently, or perhaps even a short, sharp goal, such as cleaning out your inbox. Before embarking on this workbook, you may have had the goal of becoming more confident. This workbook is one of the ways to help you succeed.

www.everywoman.com



29

“To make surea goal is motivating

and worth achieving, make sure you know why it is important

to you!”

How to set goalsBefore you set a goal, think about what needs to happen before that goal can be met. This may help you set long-, medium- and short-term goals. You should have a mixture of these at any point in time – both personal and work-related.

Here are the four steps to achieving a goal:

• Ident ify what i s important to you at work or on a persona l note and art i cu late those goa l s i n rea l terms

• Wr ite down your goa l s and fo l l ow them. Once they are down on paper, you w i l l fee l more accountab le to yourse lf

• Create a t ime l i ne and assess your progress regu lar ly

• Ce lebrate success a long the way ; congratu late yourse lf, even i f no one e l se does

It can help to share your goals with others. This may be in terms of business objectives and your personal development plan. Find time to discuss the challenges and positive things you are learning along the way. This is an ideal way to start a mentoring relationship: sharing your goals with your mentor will help them direct their advice and guidance.

Another useful way of making goals more powerful is to make sure they are SMART.

SMART stands for:S – Spec if i c (or S ign if i cant)

M – Measurab le (or Mean ingfu l )

A – Atta inab le (or Act ion-Or iented or Ach ievab le )

R – Re levant (or Rea l i st i c or Reward ing)

T – T ime-bound (or Trackab le )

For example, instead of saying, “Increase client contact”, you might say, “Ensure each week I contact, by phone or face to face, one client from my key account plan.” Instead of saying, “I want to lose weight”, you should say “I want to lose 10 pounds in the next three months”.

Setting goals

www.everywoman.com



30

Be aware, though, that this is just the first step. Once the goal is created, you need to back it up with action.

• How w i l l you ensure you contact the c l i ent?

• How w i l l you l ose we ight?

Goals get waylaid when there is a lack of ‘how to’ associated.

Ask yourself:

• What can I do?

• What e l se can I do?

• Who can he lp me?

• What m ight stop me?

• I s there a goa l w ith in the goa l? - Perhaps you need to boost your conf idence to fee l comfortab le mak ing a co ld -ca l l i n the f i rst p lace .

Maybe the goa l shou ld be l earn ing assert i veness techn iques and bu i l d ing se l f -esteem.

- Rather than s imp ly l os ing we ight , perhaps you shou ld redef ine your goa l as chang ing your eat ing hab its and l earn ing about nutr it i on . Start by cutt ing out j unk food and ready mea ls .

Where can you start?

• Use your persona l aff i rmat ions . I t m ight he lp to l ook back at your persona l aff i rmat ions to he lp c lar i fy or deve lop goa l s

• Ident ify areas from the feedback you sought . What are some pr ior i ty areas to work to ach ieve?

• Th ink about your emot iona l i nte l l i gence . What can you do to i ncrease your se l f -mot i vat ion? Are you aware of what i s ho ld ing you back?

“In the absence of

clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia”

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Setting goals

www.everywoman.com



31

Setting goals

Articulate your goals

Take some time to think about where you are now and where you want to be in 12 months’ t ime. Then work through the questions below to build an action plan.

EXERCISE

TODAY 12 MONTHS’ T IMEHow am I going to get there?

What can I do?

Who do I need help/support from?

What else do I need? (Or what might stop me?)

Actions – what wil l I do?1.

2 . 3 .

How wil l I know when I am successful?


Confidence should ooze out of every pore

S ECT ION 3 .COMMUNICAT ING

YOUR CONF IDENCE

www.everywoman.com

1 . Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE 2 . B U I L D ING Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE 4 . K E E P ING UP T HE MOME N T UM

3. COMMUNICATING YOUR C ONF IDE NCE

33

When we are in the middle of a difficult situation, it can seem impossible to remain calm and see a positive way out. This testing time can make or break our confidence.

Here are some ways to help you do this. We will go into more detail later in this section.

Label the situation, not the person Try to avoid labelling the person you’re dealing with as ‘difficult’. It makes a negative connection in our brain that is hard to dispel. Instead, think: “The decisions we need to make in this meeting will be tough and there will be some challenging discussions.”

Know what you want from the other personDecide what you want to get from the situation. Focus on the outcome and refocus if things get hairy. Remember, you want to influence the other person’s behaviour – not completely rebuild their personality (however much you think they may need it!). Remember goal setting, emotional intelligence, rapport and empathy.

Banish negative self-talkIt is amazing how our self-talk can lead us into or out of a situation. Visualise the discussion or situation going really well, rather than thinking of the things that may go wrong. Remember positive and useful thinking!

Make sure your message matches what you are sayingWe often get defensive because we think people should be able to ‘see’ what we really mean, which they often do. However, you’re then forcing them to make the decision about whether to act on this information or not. Don’t make the other party work hard to understand you.

Listen, l isten, and l istenWe all know how great it feels to be listened to. Listen to what other people are saying and let them get all their words out. Don’t cut them off. Don’t finish their sentences. Don’t say “I know, but…”. Breathe deeply and listen. Remember active and supportive listening.

Question without accusing Use open questions as much as possible to get a dialogue going. Try to avoid using ‘Why’ unless it is absolutely the right one. When we ask ‘Why’, we can be seen as attacking the other person’s values and beliefs. Think about what is behind your question before you say it out loud. For more on this, see the question triangle on page 41.

Manage your thinkingYOU NOW HAVE A GOOD INS IGHT i nto what i s beh ind your conf idence and how to bu i l d i t . The next step i s

to l earn how to commun icate i t .

www.everywoman.com



34

Manage your attitude and behaviourWE HAVE ALL HEARD ABOUT THE POWER of positive thinking, whether it is to get well after an i l lness, to win that

game or get to that new client. We wil l look at a positive mental attitude later, but first let’s look at how attitude affects everything else. We need to understand the influence a positive or negative attitude can have.

Your attitudes and behaviours: it’s simple( . . . and i t i s a c lass i c theory ca l l ed Betar i ’s Box)

“Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence”

VINCE LOMBARDI

Myattitude

Affects

Affects

Affects

AffectsYour

attitude

Mybehaviour

Yourbehaviour

Think about how you feel when someone near you at work is in a bad mood or shows a regular negative attitude. Does this affect you? Do you need to make any additional efforts to be positive? Does it change your attitude or empathy towards that person?

www.everywoman.com



35

How does this work in practice?My attitudeI am not confident about speaking up in the meeting about how I feel about the proposed changes to the office layout.

My behaviourI clam up in the meeting and don’t say anything. I try not to make eye contact but end up with a scowl on my face.

Others’ attitudeThey think, “She doesn’t really care about the change or she would say something.” Or perhaps they think, “She doesn’t add anything to the meeting. She just sits there with a sour expression on her face.”

Others’ behaviourThey don’t ask for your opinion, or perhaps go ahead with the changes, thinking that you won’t mind.

My attitudeSome people on my team are against me and don’t even care what I think about the big changes that are happening.

And so it goes on…

Manage your attitude and behaviour

Your attitude and behaviour

Take a few minutes to th ink about…

• How your att itude to yourse lf ref lects i n your behav iour

• How your behav iour affects others’ att itudes towards you

• The last t ime you l et someth ing bad affect you for the who le day

• The last t ime you cheered someone up by he lp ing them to smi l e or l augh

W hat next ?To change the behav iour of others , f irst watch your own attitude and how it affects your behav iour. Then notice how your behav iour affects other people. Try to do this once a day – take a few minutes to reflect how important this is , and what it means to your confidence.

EXERCISE

www.everywoman.com



36

Non-verbal communicationEFFECTIVE VERBAL AND NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION is vital to maintaining healthy and assertive relationships

with others.

Non-verbal communication is a natural, unconscious language that transmits our true feelings and intentions in any given moment and clues us in to the feelings and intentions of those around us. Think about how many different ways you could communicate with a single word: “OK.” “OK” with a smile means I am fine, happy, doing well etc. “OK” with a sigh and shoulder shrug means I am doing not so well. And “OK” without eye contact means something different again.

In all our relationships, we continuously give and receive wordless signals. All of our non-verbal behaviours send messages. And the real issue is that we read more into the non-verbal messages than the verbal ones.

Here are some examples of non-verbal communication:

• The degree of eye contact we make

• How we s i t

• How we stand

• How qu ick ly we speak

• The tone we use

• How we use hand gestures

• How much persona l space we need

So what can you do? Make sure your message matches what you are saying. Answer, “How are you doing?” truthfully without sending mixed signals or, worse, hoping the other party will get your meaning without you having to articulate it. We often get defensive because we think people should be able to ‘see’ what we really mean, which they often do. However, if it’s not clear, you’re then forcing them to decide whether to act on it or not. Don’t make the other party work hard to understand you.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want as long as your body language gives the right message. We need to understand how vital useful questioning and listening skills are to sending out an assertive and confident message.

The key things to remember are:

• L i sten to understand and c lar i fy , not to j udge

• Quest ion to understand and c lar i fy , not to j udge

Action

Note down a few examples of when you have ‘hidden’ your message in your body language.

Was the end result smooth, open communication? If not, jot down some ways you can challenge yourself to match your verbal and non-verbal communication better.

www.everywoman.com



37

Visual imageWE HAVE ALL HEARD THAT A PICTURE is worth a thousand words. Now, picture yourself approaching your partner,

a cl ient or anyone you work with. How do you look? Understanding what your visual image says about you is essential . What message do you communicate without saying a word?

Think about the last time you were in a meeting with people you didn’t know or were introduced to a new client. What did your instincts and subconscious say to you about them before they even opened their mouths? Our body language is a great source of information to those around us and is a projection of confidence levels. No eye contact and a limp handshake instantly sends a signal that the person is not self-assured.

A CONFIDENT WOMAN…• Sm i l es• Stands ta l l and upr ight , w ith feet p lanted f i rm ly on the ground• Ma inta ins eye contact• Uses arms and hands effect i ve ly• W i l l be conf ident i n her space• Has a vo i ce and tone that attracts attent ion

Let’s look at specifics.Facial expressionSmiling: you will be surprised at how much better you will feel for it, and it will project a positive image to others – one that will attract opportunities and people.

Be genuine: if you smile when you’re angry, serious or upset, you’ll give confusing messages or appear to be cynical.

Eye contactThe ability to look someone in the face and maintain eye contact shows openness and sincerity. It also shows that you believe in what you are saying.

Looking away will make you seem nervous or lacking in confidence.

PostureStanding square on, facing the other person with head held high, is direct and open. Plant your feet and move with purpose.

Turning away, slouching or standing in an unbalanced stance shows lack of interest or commitment.

Hand and arm movementsUse your hands to emphasise what you say. Gesture with your hands as you talk; it will create motion, which leads to emotion. This helps build rapport (taking care not to appear aggressive).

Avoid fidgeting; this distracts attention from your message.

www.everywoman.com



38

Tone of voiceSpeak clearly, confidently and at an even pace. Fluctuate your tone.

Speaking quietly, quickly or mumbling all suggest that you don’t have confidence in what you’re saying.

Final tipIf you are ever feeling down, have a look at your body language and change it immediately. Even if it feels uncomfortable and false, you will start to feel better and more confident immediately. Remember, sometimes we have to ‘fake it ’til we can make it’.

Think about some common social settings. For example, how do you hold your drinking glass at a function? If you hold it up near your face or close to your chest, you will look guarded and feel insecure. Hold it at stomach level and you will look more open and confident and people will be more apt to approach you to chat.

We all have clothing in our wardrobe that makes us feel great. We also have clothing that doesn’t. Work on your wardrobe so you can easily pull outfits together that make you look and feel more confident. Think ahead of time about the meetings and social situations you have that week and plan your outfits to ensure you always feel comfortable and confident.

Visual image

ActionOver the next few weeks, practise smiling more. Smile as you walk down the street; smile at others on the tube, train or bus.

Check your posture – are you standing as tall as you can?

Watch other people. When you see someone who appears to be confident, look at their body language and note one thing you could do differently about yours.

www.everywoman.com



39

Listening ski l lsACTIVE LISTENING IS A WAY OF LISTENING and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding.

We know how easy it is to speak to another person without l istening attentively. We are often distracted, half l istening and half thinking about something or someone else. Often we are busy formulating a response to

what is being said.

Active listening is a structured form of listening and responding that focuses the attention on the speaker.

Act i ve l i sten ing i nvo l ves :

• Showing the speaker that you are i nterested and pay ing attent ion

• Ask ing appropr iate quest ions that c lar i fy and ref lect what the speaker has sa id – i n other words , ref lect ing or m irror ing quest ions

• Encourag ing the speaker to expand on an i s sue

Here are some t ips to he lp you w ith act i ve l i sten ing :

• Look for i nterest ing po ints made by the speaker

• Respond to what they say , not how they say i t

• Pay attent ion

• Look i nterested – speakers react we l l to an i nterested aud ience

• Don’t l et outs ide movement and no i ses d i stract you

• Keep pace w ith the speaker – don’t dwe l l on prev ious po ints

• Move s l i ght ly i f your attent ion i s wander ing

• Jot down key po ints i f necessary

• Be prepared to rece i ve new ideas

• Pay attent ion to the non-verba l cues

When you feel you are truly being listened to, you feel empowered to continue with the conversation. If you work on actively listening, you will help build empathy and rapport, which in turn will make you feel more in control and confident about a situation or relationship.

Sometimes people with low confidence or self-esteem can self-sabotage by using critical listening rather than supportive listening. What does this look like?

www.everywoman.com



40

Cr it i ca l l i sten ing Support i ve l i sten ing

Purpose of… To defend or resist or opposeTo be able to highlight flaws in a proposal, to catch people out or dominate a discussion

To understand, support and assistTo be interested in the thoughts and opinions of others; to value the experience of others

Typical statements we might use… “I have to watch my back around them” “It’s me against you”

“Let’s see how we can work together to find an appropriate solution”

How this listening behaviour is perceived by others

JudgingArguingInterruptingSuspicion

Asking questionsSuspending judgementReflectingClarifying

This results in… ConflictTensionAggressionLack of trustResentment

TrustCreative ideasIndividual developmentRapportRelationship building

Listening ski l ls

ActionThink about your communication style. What is working well? What would be even better? Give three examples of ways you could improve your communication to better support building your confidence.

1.

2.

3.

Now make a plan to incorporate these examples into your daily conversations and meetings.

What next?Periodically run a communication check on yourself. Are you getting the most out of your conversations? If not, reflect on your style of communication and look back at the examples above and see if you are truly making a change in the right direction. If not, make an effort and plan to get it right.

www.everywoman.com



41

Questioning ski l lsQUESTIONS ARE CATEGORISED as sentences that seek an answer. This answer can be very short or a long, full ,

explanatory answer. Some questions starting with the same words are more open than others.

For example:

“What did you have for breakfast?” will tend to have a very factual short answer, whereas “What did you make of the training sessions the other day?” could have a fuller, more open explanation.

When we decide which question we need, it will depend on whether we want to elicit more information or close down a conversation.

Have a look at this question triangle:

Reference: Originally developed by Robert Dilts (see www.nlpu.com) and then redefined in The Effective Delivery of Training Using NLP by Ted Garratt

WHY

WHAT HOW

WHEN WHEREWHO

Values/beliefs

Ideas/opinions

Facts

www.everywoman.com



42

The level of intensity of the questions increases as you go up the pyramid. In other words, the responses to the questions will require more thought and possibly emotional content when being answered. This is because the WHY question is challenging the values and beliefs or reasoning or understanding of a situation. To soften this, the question can be rephrased as a WHAT question or can be generally softened with voice tone and preliminary words. For example:

“Why did you do that?” can be rephrased as “What made you do that?” or “Tell me why you did that, please?”

How can this help build confidence? Making sure you think about the best way to phrase a question will help build trust and rapport. When you feel trusted, it is easier to use confidence-building techniques. On the other hand, if you are asked a ‘Why’ question, try not to go into defence mode. Think about what is behind the question. What information is the other person looking for? Then try to answer it without a hidden agenda.

What type of question might be helpful or hindering? Remember that using questions effectively can establish a relationship and, for those who lack confidence, finding ways to more easily build rapport and trust is an instant win.

Questioning ski l ls

OPEN QUEST ION: These questions allow the l istener to give a broad answer. There is no ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer ; the l istener has complete freedom of response. This is useful as it al lows the other party to expand and talk freely in their answers .

CLOSED QUEST ION: This al lows a factual or ‘yes’ and ‘no’ answer. This is useful for clar ifying facts or understanding , but not useful for uncovering feelings . This type of questioning can also feel a bit l ike an interrogation.

LE ADING QUEST ION: A s it suggests , this question type implies that there is a specif ic answer required. This is rarely appropriate; it is often used to set someone up, such as , “Did anything happen while I was away that I need to know about?”, knowing full well that a major cl ient was lost .

PROBING QUEST ION: This is often used for clar if ication of detail and is particular ly useful after an open question to delve deeper into the l istener’s response. This can be used to get a fuller picture of a s ituation. For example, “Can you talk me through how you prepared for your last presentation?”

REFLECT IVE OR MIRROR QUEST ION: These are used to clar ify understanding by repeating information back to the l istener to check that you have understood their response. This is a very useful question style , as it shows that you have been l istening and have understood the response. It also encourages the other person to continue the conversation. It is a response such as , “So am I r ight in think ing you are happy with your team, but s l ightly frustrated by the lack of engagement from your own manager?”

MULT IPLE QUEST ION: This takes the form of several questions asked in a row. They can be useful to help think through a process , but can also be confusing , as the l istener does not know which question to answer f irst . For example, “When is the meeting , who is going , and why did we have to organise it?”.


Confidence is hard won – so make sureyou top it up regularly

S ECT ION 4 .KEEP ING UP

THE MOMENTUM

www.everywoman.com

1 . Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE 2 . B U I L D ING Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE 3 . C OMMUNIC AT ING Y OUR C ONF IDE NCE

4 . K E E P ING UP T HE MOME N T UM

44

Turn theory into real ityTAKE SOME TIME TO REFLECT on the actions you said you were going to work on, and then think through a few

situations past or present and see what knowledge and skil ls you can tap into.

It is amazing how much more confident you wil l feel in the future when you can think through the issues in this way.

1 . CHANG ING A NEGAT I V E ENV IRONMENT What i s the s i tuat ion? What are you do ing to he lp or h inder the s i tuat ion now? What do you need to do more or l ess of to make a d i fference?

2 . MANAG ING COMPROMISE AND COLL ABORAT ION Remind yourse lf what an assert i ve response wou ld l ook and sound l i ke . What do you need to do or say to ensure you are gett ing what you need w ithout damag ing yourse lf or anyone e l se?

3 . S TAND ING UP FOR YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU BEL I EVE IN Remind yourse lf of your va lues . Where have they been compromised i n th i s s i tuat ion? What w i l l happen i f you don’t stand up for yourse lf ? What can you do now?

4 . IN F LUENC ING SOMEONE You need to start and end w ith your behav iour and att itude . They are the on ly too l s you have . You can’t change the other person , but you now know how to reth ink your pos it i on and sh ift your perspect i ve . What i s your start ing po int? What do you want to ach ieve? What m ight they be th ink ing? So… what do you need to do now?

5 . DEAL ING W I TH D I F F I CULT PEOPLE OR S I TUAT IONS When have you come across th i s? What spec if i ca l l y can you do to make the i ssue/person more pos it i ve?

www.everywoman.com



45

Strategies ON PAGE 20, YOU fil led in the first three parts of the table below. You may want to add some more at this point. It’s

also time to write a l ist of strategies you wil l employ to make you feel more confident in these situations.

Tasks , areas or s i tuat ions where I do not fee l conf ident

Common factors : why I fee l under-conf ident i n th i s scenar io

Now, focus ing on the reasons you fee l under-conf ident carry ing out the tasks i n the l eft -hand co lumn , make a l i st of the common factors be low

Now that you have ident if i ed your common reasons for under-conf idence , wr ite a l i st of strateg ies you w i l l emp loy to make you fee l more conf ident i n these s i tuat ions . These w i l l re late to the goa l s you set i n sect ion 2

www.everywoman.com



46

Your confidence planTHE TABLE BELOW IS YOURS to use as your action plan. As you formulate your goals and work out your strategies

to combat low confidence and self-esteem, write them into your confidence plan to give yourself clear goals to work towards.

Deta i l s Act ion/respons ib i l i ty Due date

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

www.everywoman.com



47

Five tips THERE IS A HUGE AMOUNT to think about, so we have pulled together the essentials for you and built a framework

around the different aspects of building confidence.

1 .You are your best asset – trust in

your abi l it ies

5 .Find a mentor –

you are not alone

4 .Pay attention to

your communication

2 .Focus on what

you’ve done right,not on what is wrong

3 .Set real istic goalsand then celebrate

success

everywoman Expert

Sara Parsons has been an everywoman Assoc iate for 10 years and has worked in the f ie ld of Persona l Deve lopment g loba l l y for 16 , w ith c l i ents such as ; Paramount P i ctures , The RSA , I psos MOR I , RNL I , Oxford Un i vers i ty Press . She ho lds an honours bus iness degree and i s a qua l i f i ed expert i n many profess iona l assessments i nc lud ing Be lb in and MBT I – the Myers-Br iggs prof i l e . Sara i s pass ionate about i nsp i r ing and support ing women to reach i nto the potent ia l they often don’t know they possess .

Ros Tay lor, Conf idence at Work (Kogan Page , 20 1 1 )

Dan ie l Go leman , Emot iona l I nte l l i gence : Why i t Can Matter More than IQ (B loomsbury , 1996)

Sue Hadf ie ld and G i l l Hasson , How to be Assert i ve i n Any S i tuat ion (Pearson L i fe , 20 10)

Go to everywoman .com/deve lopment for more persona l deve lopment

workbooks , too l s and a schedu le of our on l i ne seminars .

Further reading

Copyright

© 2013 Everywoman Ltd. All rights reserved worldwide. This publication is protected by law, and all rights are reserved, including resale rights: no part of this publication may be reproduced and you are not allowed to make copies and distribute or sell this workbook to anyone else. You may only use it if you are a member of the everywomanNetwork and have downloaded it from www.everywoman.com

No responsibility for loss caused to any individual or organisation acting or refraining from action as a result of the material in this publication can be accepted by Everywoman Ltd or the authors/experts.

www.everywoman.com48

Th i s workbook has been produced and ed ited by everywoman , w ith content commiss ioned from assoc iate expert Sara Parsons . I t i s part of the everywoman portfo l i o of resources that have been spec ia l l y created to support and deve lop women as they advance the ir careers and bus inesses .

a d v a n c i n g w o m e n i n b u s i n e s s

Date post:	30-May-2020
Category:	Documents
Upload:	others
View:	1 times
Download:	0 times

WORKBOOK BOOST YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE · 2018-05-21 · CONFIDENCE IS NOT something we are born with....

Documents