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1Working together… making a difference

Working together… making a difference

Grief supportfor children and young peoplein Oxfordshire

IMPACT REVIEW2016

2 Working together… making a difference

I am delighted to introduce SeeSaw’s impact review. This has been a very busy and successful year, as you will see, with a record number of children and young people and their families helped by SeeSaw’s dedicated team of staff and volunteer support workers.

In May, we were thrilled to receive a GSK/King’s Fund Impact Award – SeeSaw was one of only 10 small and medium-sized charities chosen from 400 applicants nationally. SeeSaw’s excellence in Innovation, Management, Partnership, Achievement and Community Focus was recognised with a substantial prize given at an awards evening in London’s Science Museum.

Fundraising has exceeded targets, and enabled us to create a new full-time practitioner post to address the increasing demands made on the service.

All this has been achieved under the leadership of our Director, Helen Mackinnon, who has brought such commitment, expertise and energy to the service over the past three years. Sadly Helen has decided that the time has come for her to take early retirement for health reasons and will be leaving SeeSaw at Christmas. Helen has given very many years to bereaved families, not only at SeeSaw, helping them directly and through inspiring and training others and guiding the development of children’s bereavement services at a national level. We will all miss her very much. We have already begun the challenging task of finding a replacement for her, and hope that there will be a seamless handover to our new Director.

Finally, on behalf of all the trustees, I would like to thank everyone who has contributed to SeeSaw in so many different ways over this past year. Without your support, SeeSaw would not be able to continue its vital work helping children and young people cope with the death of someone they love.

Dr Gillian Forrest, Chair of Trustees

Working together… with our community

“This is an important small charity putting the needs

of bereaved children at the heart of the organisation.

Despite limited resources it clearly works hard to provide

appropriate timely and personalised support at a time when young people are at most need. The number of schools it is working in is very impressive. This award is clear recognition of the important work it does.”

Lisa Weaks, Third Sector Manager for The King’s Fund

We were thrilled to receive a GSK/King’s Fund Impact Award.


Every year in Oxfordshire around

250 parents die, leaving 350 dependent children.

This year we have worked with

415 children from 268 families– an increase of 23% on last year.

In Oxfordshire there are currently

2,250 school-age children, between the ages of 5 and 16 years, who have been bereaved of a parent or sibling.

We have now supported

over 4,600 children from 2,650 families and have worked in

80% of Oxfordshire schools. We have trained hundreds of professionals from all agencies involved in children’s and young people’s services.

SeeSaw has been working with grieving children, young people and their families since 2000. At the heart of our work is the belief that we sit alongside families on their grieving journey with care and compassion. Our approach is very flexible as we recognise that each family is unique and will grieve in their own way. Support may be needed around the time of a death – but some need help several years after the death of their loved one as they develop and revisit their grief or have more questions.

The majority of our work – assessment visits and direct work with families – takes place in the home. This means that SeeSaw support is available anywhere in the county and gives our staff and volunteers a privileged and unique perspective on the individual journey faced by each grieving family. This, in turn, means our support is tailored to each family’s needs, however complex these may be and for however long it takes.

This year we held Youth Forum events with bereaved young people to help us understand what they need when someone close dies. Our website is being further developed to reflect their needs, and we are creating new resources for schools and bereaved young people.

It has been a great year for SeeSaw’s work being recognised at a national level with the GSK Impact Award as well as at a local level with SeeSaw being a finalist for the third successive year in the Oxfordshire Business Awards Charity of the Year. These are tributes to everyone involved with SeeSaw and I add my personal thanks to everyone concerned.

My time as Director of SeeSaw has been so rewarding. I have felt truly privileged on so many levels: working with such a committed staff team, appreciating the passion of our volunteer support workers, valuing the input of trustees and representing SeeSaw at many events throughout Oxfordshire. And I can’t say ‘goodbye’ to SeeSaw without thinking about the hundreds of amazing families and young people who have let me be alongside them on their difficult journeys. I hope I have made a difference and supported them in facing the future with hope.

Dr Helen Mackinnon, Director



Working together… SeeSaw services

One in 30 children under 18 experiences the death of a parent. Their world is changed forever and many struggle to cope. Grief may have a negative impact on emotional, psychological, educational and mental health aspects of a child’s development.

About SeeSaw

SeeSaw provides a grief support service for children, young people and their families anywhere in Oxfordshire, whether the death is sudden or expected, due to illness or accident, or through murder, manslaughter or suicide. We believe that with appropriate and timely support, bereaved young people will be able to face the future with hope and fulfil their potential despite a devastating loss.

Our clinical work

The charitable nature of SeeSaw means that we can provide our services free of charge. SeeSaw’s clinical work focuses on the following areas:• core grief support through telephone calls and home

visits, plus individual work with a member of the clinical team in complex cases

• support when a parent is dying • schools support service • volunteer support worker programme • activity days for young people and families through

our Side by Side programme

We focused on our four strategic aims in 2015–16

1 Delivering high-quality support for bereaved children and young people.

2 Partnership working, evaluating and communicating.

3 Developing our fundraising to ensure sustainability of the service.

4 Using our resources effectively.

Parent 66%

Sibling11%

Grandparent13%

Other relative 5%Friend 5%

Cancer31%

Other illness29%

Accident 16%

Suicide 13%

Substance abuse 9% Murder 2%

Who died Cause of death

6 Working together… making a difference6

For any parent, receiving the diagnosis of a terminal illness is devastating. There is such a lot to think about on a personal level.

So many questions

When a parent begins to accept this news, their thoughts turn to their children. They may have so many questions:

• How can I tell them? • What do they understand? • How much do they need to know? • What do I say? • Can I prepare them for a life without me? • Who will look after them when I have gone? • What can I leave to help my children to remember

me in the future?

This is where SeeSaw can help.

We have a close relationship with professionals working in hospices, the NHS and community palliative care teams. We are here to help families with these very difficult questions and provide support for children at a time when they may feel quite isolated from what is going on within their family.

This year we have supported 83 children aged 5 to 18 from 37 families when a parent is dying.

Where relationships have been developed before the death, ongoing support afterwards gives children a real sense of someone still being there for them. This may involve further one-to-one support or invitations to a variety of activity days for young people.

How we help

We can help by working together:

• to guide parents in conversations with their children about their illness

• to provide children with a trusted adult to whom they can voice their concerns and open up discussions in the family

• to help families make plans for after the parent’s death, especially on issues of child care

• to support a dying parent to create memories for the future

• to liaise with schools so the staff can best support a child whose parent is dying

• to support children and families after a death – one-to-one support when needed and invitations to family activity days

Working together… when a parent is dying

“When my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, he went downhill very quickly. We were put in touch with

SeeSaw. It really helped the children to talk with someone outside the family about what was happening.

Because of this early contact, we have been able to own our grief rather than our grief own us

and we are much further on in our journey.”

Caroline

Working together… making a difference

Kathy Moore, Children and Families Practitioner



“By far the best thing about SeeSaw for me is the fact that they arrange to come round your house. This makes the whole appointment with them so much more calm and relaxed than going somewhere which you aren’t familiar with. As well as that, SeeSaw doesn’t just focus on the

negative impact of the death of the person, but the good memories that you have made with your loved one, which takes away the fear of forgetting them which was a strong

worry of mine that I felt when grieving.”

During 2015–16:

• our clinical staff carried out 200 assessment visits in the home

• 237 children received one-to-one support from a member of staff or a support worker

• 126 families had support

for their children through ongoing telephone consultations


Working together… one-to-one support

A bereaved child or young person may feel very different from their peers and what they need most is to feel ‘normal’ in their school setting.

Tailor-made support

Our one-to-one work with children takes place at home after school so as not to disrupt the child’s education. The support we offer is tailored to the needs of each child or young person. Much of this work is carried out by our specially trained and experienced team of volunteer support workers and we are very grateful for their commitment.

Our support workers have various ways of helping children to explore their grief, often using a variety of art and craft materials and games. They help children re-tell the story of what has happened and who has died – this can help to identify any misunderstanding that may have been communicated or that children have misinterpreted. They are trained to help children explore the complex feelings associated with grief and find ways of talking about them and expressing them appropriately.

Jenny Armstrong, Children and Families Practitioner

“My partner was killed riding his bike. Our world had crashed around us. How do you tell

a two and five-year-old that the hearse coming round the corner has their dad in it? So I called

SeeSaw. They were amazing.

SeeSaw is like my lifeline – a little family on the outside that comes and gives you a big hug

when you need it.”


Working together… with schools

The death of someone in the school community can have a huge impact – be it a parent, member of staff or a pupil.

Challenges for schools

Schools play such an important part in the lives of children and young people and we are so impressed by the care and commitment of staff in all the schools we visit. But staff often need support to give them the confidence to care for their pupils following a bereavement, and we are there to help.

Our experience is that the death of a pupil is the most challenging event that affects a school. This may be an expected death of a young person with a terminal illness or a sudden death due to accident or suicide.

SeeSaw is notified after the unexpected death of anyone under 18 in Oxfordshire. We attend a Rapid Response Meeting at the John Radcliffe Hospital and advise on bereavement support for those affected. This could involve direct support for the family, going into a school to help staff manage what has happened or providing guidance for other agencies such as social care or the police.

We are often the first people involved when there has been a pupil suicide and we have been able to support school staff with a visit and direct support within hours of being notified of such a tragic event.

Confidence-building, training and support

We believe that school staff are best placed to support the children and young people in their care, and it is our aim to give them the confidence to approach difficult and sensitive bereavement work through direct contact and training as well as ongoing support by telephone. Many children and young people have told us what a difference it made to be supported by teachers and school staff who had some understanding of what they were going through, and what might help them to cope at school.

During 2015–16:

• 57 schools were visited, receiving support and guidance for

490 school staff

• 237 professionals received training to support children before and after the death of a parent

Lesley Duff, Schools and Families Practitioner

“The whole staff were devastated after the suicide of a student. As head teacher, I had to hold the staff together, support them in their

own grief and consider how to best support our other students. It was a very lonely place for

me and I cannot begin to express how valuable it was to have a visit from SeeSaw the day

after and the ongoing personal support in the weeks that followed.”

Oxfordshire Head Teacher


“We have been working with SeeSaw for the last five months following the tragic death of one of our pupils. From the first

contact with SeeSaw immediately after the accident we knew we were in highly accomplished, compassionate and professional hands. The support they have given me, our

parents, our staff and pupils has been exceptional and we could not have managed anywhere near as well without this. This

organisation plays a vital role in our county and anyone who has faced a similar situation to ours will be extremely well looked

after. Sadly, rare though they are, tragedies such as the one we have faced do happen but it is so reassuring to know that one can call upon the outstanding people who work for SeeSaw.”

Andrew Nott, Headmaster, St Hugh’s School

“SeeSaw has been a brilliant resource for us. To be able to call SeeSaw and get level-headed guidance is immensely reassuring and has helped us support our students more effectively. When our students need support out of school,

SeeSaw is always there.”

Head of Pastoral Care


We all know that the teenage years can be turbulent. It is a period of change and development; a time of transition from child to adult. A time of challenging parents and boundaries.

Supporting bereaved teenagers

And then a bereavement is thrown into this difficult developmental melting pot. Many of the reactions to loss may be very difficult to untangle from what is going on anyway for a young person.

At SeeSaw we have been looking at what the young people of today need when they experience the death of someone close and the intense feelings and emotions that often follow. We realised that the best people to help us with this would be bereaved young people themselves.

Youth Forum dialogues

We have held Youth Forum meetings with young people aged 14 to 18 who had been bereaved. These were very open meetings, facilitated by sharing pizza, with no agenda other than to find out what it felt like to be bereaved, what helped – and what didn’t help!

What did young people say?• We want to be listened to.• We don’t want people to make us feel different

or make a big fuss – but just to know what has happened – and don’t get at us if we can’t concentrate in school or can’t be bothered at home.

• Don’t ever say “You’re young, you’ll get over it.” Because when it has happened you just don’t want to feel you should ever get over it.

• My best friend died and no-one understood that this mattered, because she wasn’t a relative.

What do young people want?• Access to good information – website sources and

ideas, leaflets.• Someone to talk to who isn’t a parent and who won’t

judge.• Support outside school – not wanting to be

questioned about seeing the school counsellor.• No to groups with strangers – no reason to get on

with someone just because they have been bereaved too.

What is SeeSaw going to do?• We have already updated our website with signposts

to resources and information for parents and teenagers to read.

• Develop our own leaflets to give to young people.• Feedback from young people has now become a

regular part of our practice.

Working together… with adolescents

“SeeSaw has taught me many life lessons such as how to deal with difficult emotions, how to express these difficult emotions with the

people around me in a healthy and safe way but, most importantly, how to accept death and grief for what they are and how to then live a

fulfilled life.”

“On 21 March 2008, my dad sadly passed away due to an epileptic fit. Being only 11 years old when the sudden death of my

dad happened, I was left confused, hurt and isolated.

I didn’t start grieving until the age of 15. I feel like I pushed away my grieving a lot. However, SeeSaw taught me that grieving

doesn’t have a set time or an age in which we all go through it, it will happen when it does. It’s hard to explain the low feeling that I felt before getting in contact with SeeSaw, but it was as if I was

living in a dark, cloudy bubble with no way of getting out.”


Adolescent mental health

Children bereaved by suicide are at increased risk of poor mental health compared with those bereaved by other causes of death. Studies show that young people bereaved by suicide before the age of 17 are three times more likely to die by suicide than their non-bereaved peers and have a higher incidence of depression than those bereaved from other causes.

SeeSaw has been at the forefront of initiatives in Oxfordshire to provide the best possible support for all those affected by a suicide. Our support following a suicide includes the following:• attendance at Rapid Response Meetings following an

under-18 suicide to consider the wide-ranging support needed for family, schools and friendship groups

• school visits to help staff consider their own feelings and support them in providing appropriate ways to deal with the death in the school community

• after a parental suicide, the police now inform a surviving parent about SeeSaw services; we often visit within 24 hours of the death as the hardest thing for parents at this stage is ‘what do I say to the children?’

• one-to-one work with children and young people after suicide bereavement

Children may need to revisit their grief as they get older and may have concerns about their own future mental health when they become adolescents. We have an open-ended approach to bereavement support and families know they can always come back to us if other related difficulties arise, even years after a death.

As with all our work, we provide support that is tailored to the individual needs of each young person – for as long and as regularly as needed.


Supporting families through activity days

Families often tell us that they feel isolated in their grief and that they would like to meet up with other families and their bereaved children. We hold key events throughout the year to bring families together so they can benefit from a sense of shared experience in a world that can feel very isolating.

Preparing for Christmas and special days

Preparing to face their first Christmas after someone special dies is a difficult time for families. At this event, families come together to share their experiences and think about how to approach such a significant family day.

We have had an increasing role in supporting bereaved Muslim families and were delighted that two families came to this event and felt supported in finding a way to approach significant events after the death of a loved one.

Working together… with families

Jill Childs, Office Manager

“I know now that life can still go on, but SeeSaw helped me with dealing with my own emotions and making it clear that it’s normal to feel angry

at the person who passed away, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means you are grieving. SeeSaw also encouraged my family to get involved with the activities that I was taking part in. This reinforced the

idea that grieving doesn’t have to necessarily be a bad thing but rather a reflective and positive journey that we all go through at some point.”

“Thank you so much for today. The boys loved being part of it and we light the candle

decoration we made together every evening. It helps us feel dad is still part of our lives.”

Mother of boys aged 5, 8 and 11 following the sudden death of their dad

“As a Muslim family, we don’t celebrate Christmas ourselves but we do have very

special days. SeeSaw really helped us think about how we approach these days with a time

to remember but also still to have fun.”

Mother of children aged 4, 6, 8 and 10 following the death of their 17-year-old brother

“I’m now 19 years old and I am studying to become a mental health nurse. I feel that

without the help of SeeSaw I wouldn’t be where I am today, following the career that I have decided to go into if they hadn’t have been

here for me.”


Father’s Day at Cotswold Wildlife Park

Father’s Day can be very difficult when a mum has died and we feel it is really important to bring dads and their children together – to support each other but also to appreciate that their children can still have fun. A real highlight of the day was the opportunity for the children to go into the lemur enclosure. It was also great to see fathers chatting together in such a relaxed way.

“We had a fantastic time – the first truly worry-free day together in many years. It was also good to be able to relax with other dads who have been

through so much.”

“Please thank everyone for today. It was great to chat with other dads about mutual things and the kids had a great time together and realised they weren’t

alone in not having a mum”.

“I just want to say a big thank you for the visit to the Cotswold Wildlife Park. It was

really good to meet dads in the same boat as me. Just letting the kids play in the playground was the highlight for me – I felt we could chat and let off steam.”


Working together… a journey with SeeSaw

When dad was told he had cancer we thought his treatment would mean he would be OK. And he was for a few months, but then I could see he was getting worse. I didn’t want to ask mum or dad about what was happening but I was very worried.

The hospital put mum incontact with SeeSaw and Kathy came to see us with her dog DoGood. While we were walking the dog I was able to say what I was worrying about and what questions I had. Kathy helped me talk with mum and dad and although the news wasn’t good, I did feel better knowing what was happening.

After dad died, my little brother was worried about what people would say when he went into school. Lesley found out what Tom wanted to happen and explained this to his teacher. This really helped.

A few months after dad died, Tom was crying a lot and didn’t want to do anything he normally liked doing. He wouldn’t talk about dad at all. Mum contacted SeeSaw again and Jenny came to see us. She arranged for a support worker to come to our house to work with Tom. They did a lot of stuff about thinking about dad and Tom and I made a memory box each. It was good to talk about dad and sometimes we even laughed at the crazy things he used to do.


I thought I was OK – but it was getting harder after dad died. I had some time with Helen. We didn’t talk so much but played music together – and it really helped.

In September we went ona SeeSaw Family Day – a walk in Wytham Woods with about 30 families and loads of children. We had never met someone whose dad had died before. We didn’t talk about this much when we were there, but it was good to feel we weren’t the only ones. We helped SeeSaw plant a tree for everyone to remember who had died and we can go for a walk in the woods whenever we want to think about dad.

It was horrible to think aboutChristmas without dad. We even thought of cancelling Christmas and just going away somewhere. But after we went on the Preparing for Christmas day we thought about ways of remembering dad and still celebrating Christmas. It still wasn’t easy but we were glad to have carried on.


We have increased our fundraising capacity by recruiting two part-time members of staff and have made successful, focused applications to trusts. We work very cost-effectively and this year have raised £5.55 for every £1 spent on generating funds – an increase of 13.5% on last year.

Working together… to raise funds

Huge thanks to the companies that have supported us this year:

“We have been supporting SeeSaw for several years. Either we or someone we know could one day be in need of their help, it is therefore our aim each year to take part in a fundraising

event to support SeeSaw. In 2011, Partners and staff took part in a 10-mile sponsored walk, in 2012 we entered a team into the

Dragon Boat Race Day at Abingdon and in 2013 we took part in an abseiling fundraising event. In 2014 and 2015 members of

staff took part in the Oxford Half Marathon.”

M Group


Our heartfelt thanks to the trusts that support SeeSaw:

A&S Lass Charities LtdBartle Family Charitable TrustBergqvist Charitable TrustBernard Sunley Charitable FoundationBouttell BequestCadogan CharityClara E Burgess CharityCumber Family Charitable TrustDLM Charitable TrustDoris Field Charitable TrustGeorge Oliver FoundationHelen Roll CharityMary Gillham TrustMiss WE Lawrence 1973 Charitable SettlementPye Charitable SettlementRank Foundation (Year 1 of 3)Sobell FoundationSt Michael’s and All Saints’ CharitiesThe King’s FundThe Oldhurst TrustThe Shanly FoundationThe Tobit Trust

Our intrepid thrill-seeking fundraisers raised an amazing £4,600 by abseiling down the Spinnaker Tower – a national icon that stands at a whopping 170 metres high.

Staff at the SeeSaw jump at the Blenheim International Horse trials.

Would you like to support us?You can support SeeSaw in many ways, by:• making a donation• becoming a Friend of SeeSaw• asking your employer to match your

fundraising efforts, or nominating SeeSaw as its company Charity of the Year

• coming along to one of our events or helping out

• joining our team of volunteers• making a gift in your Will• signing up to our newsletter

If you would like to know more about SeeSaw, or ways to support us, please visit our website at www.seesaw.org.uk, email [email protected] or telephone 01865 744 768.

Thank you for supporting SeeSaw.

Jane Elliott, Corporate Fundraising

Lucy Wise, Community Fundraising

Jackie McDowell, Trusts and Grants Fundraising


This year, for every £1 we spent on fundraising, we raised £5.55 – an increase of 13.5% on last year.

It has been a very successful year for fundraising. This reflects the support of countless individuals, families, community groups, businesses and schools who recognise SeeSaw’s reputation for providing the best possible care for children, young people and their families following a major bereavement.

Income £415,715

Expenditure £310,699

Reserves 14 months’ running costs

2013–14 2014–15 2015–16

Income £291,723 £312,265 £415,715

Cost of generating funds £62,470 £63,782 £74,825

Money raised per £1 spent £4.66 £4.90 £5.55

Total expenditure £280,112 £285,760 £310,699

Expenditure on child and family bereavement support services £216,142 £220,478 £235,874

Percentage of expenditure on child and family bereavement support services 77% 77% 75.5%

(Surplus/deficit) Months of running costs reserves 10 months 12 months 14 months

Working together… investment for the future

For every £1 we raise, 76p is used for child and family bereavement support services.

Child and family bereavement support services = 75.5%

Cost of generating funds = 24%

Governance = 0.5%




Working with… families Maintaining a high-quality responsive service to families in need.

Outreach to marginalised grieving families.

Working with… young people Consulting with young people to find out what they need.

Developing resources on our website.

Working with… volunteers Increasing the number of community fundraising volunteers.

Recruiting new volunteer support workers to manage increased clinical need.

Working with… the community Building relationships with community groups to raise awareness and to raise funds.

Developing partnerships with businesses.

Working with… schools Providing training for school staff.

Being a resource for schools on all aspects of bereavement.

Working with… other Oxfordshire agencies

Working with the Oxfordshire Bereavement Alliance to consolidate SeeSaw’s role in the county.

Partnership working with health, education and social care.

Working together… looking forward

SeeSawBush House2 Merewood AvenueOxford OX3 8EF

Enquiries and advice line: 01865 744 768Email: [email protected]

Registered charity no 1076321 Registered company no 3790965

We have used some case studies in this impact review but would like to stress that we are committed to the privacy and confidentiality of the families we work with. Comments and stories here are reproduced with the express wish of the families concerned but have been anonymised by removing names or details that would identify a family.Ed

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Grief supportfor children and young peoplein Oxfordshire

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