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InterpersonalCommunication
Session III & IV
Neha Jasani
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Recap
Questions
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Persuasion in Interpersonalcommunication
Process of convincing people to thinkor act in a certain way
Intentional and unintentionalpersuasion
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Please describe a situationwhere you had to PERSUADEsomeone to do something. How
did you go about it? Were yousuccessful?
Context Action
Result
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Exercises
Listening exercise
Learning languages
Raising successful children Exotic animal kingdom
http://www.esl-lab.com/learn/learnrd1.ht
Communication in action
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Please write a OneSentence Definition of
A S S E R T I V E N E S S.
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Definition ofAssertiveness
An honest, direct, and
appropriate expression of
one's feelings, thoughts, and
beliefs.
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Test YourAssertiveness (1 of 3)
u Can you express negative feelings
about other people and their behaviors
without using abusive language?
u Are you able to exercise and express
your strengths?
u Can you easily recognize andcompliment other peoples
achievements?
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Test YourAssertiveness (2 of 3)
u Do you have the confidence to ask forwhat is rightfully yours?
u Can you accept criticism without being
defensive?
u Do you feel comfortable accepting
compliments?
u Are you able to stand up for your rights?
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Test YourAssertiveness (3 of 3)u Are you able to refuse
unreasonable requests from
friends, family, or co-
workers?u Can you comfortably start
and carry on a conversation
with others?
u Do you ask for assistance
when you need it ?A yes response to the
questions indicates an assertive
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Why Assertiveness IsImportant?
u Helps achieve individual and/or shared goals
u Can reach your goals maintaining your
rights and dignity
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AssertiveRights
You have the right to be assertive
You have the right to request that otherschange their behavior if they areinfringing on your rights
You have the right to use your own timeto answer questions
You have the right to express your needseven if they are illogical
Be aware that there areresponsibilities attached to allthese rights!
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Whats Keeping You From BeingAssertive?
Fear of change
Refusal to admit your submissiveness
Fear of ruining relationships
Lack confidence in your ability
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WhatAssertiveness Is
Respect for yourself and others Honestly expressing your thoughts,
feelings, and beliefs
Effectively influencing, listening, andnegotiating with others
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What AssertivenessIs Not
Assertiveness is not aggressiveness orselfishness
Is not humiliating or abusing other people
and their rights
It is not violating the rights of others orgaining at others expense
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Aggressiveness Is
E Inappropriately expressing yourthoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a waythat violates other peoples rights
E Achieving your goal by not allowingothers the freedom to choose
E Disrespecting others
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Are You Aggressive?(1 of 2)
> Do you become abusive, whether it be verbalor physical, when criticizing others?
> Do you purposely make others feel like they
are incompetent or unimportant?> Do you make unreasonable demands of other
people?
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Are You Aggressive?(2 of 2)
> Do you brag or exaggerate yourachievements?
> Do you ignore the rights and feelings of
other people?
> Do you aim to get your way at all costs?
> Do you often dominate conversationswith others?A yes answer to any of thequestions may indicate
aggressive behavior.
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ActingUnassertiveness Is
Acting in an indirect or passive manner
Permitting others to take advantage ofyou
Thinking that you and your needs areinferior to others and their needs
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Are You Unassertive?(1 of 2)
Do you feel guilty standing up for yourfights or expressing your feelings?
Are you unable to recognize and
acknowledge your strengths?
Are you uncomfortable with startingor carrying on a conversation?
Do you rarely stand up for yourself?
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Are You Unassertive?(2 of 2)
Do you have trouble sayingno to people?
Are you unable to ask other
people to performreasonable requests foryou?
Do you feel that you letother people takeadvantage of you?
A yes answer to any of thequestions may indicateunassertive behavior.
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Joanne is at a meeting wherethe topic is the profitability ofthe project shes been
working on for three monthsstraight. She has not said aword in the past hour.
Suddenly she jumps up and
accuses the boss ofdeliberately canceling the
project based on personal
dislike.
What Would YouSay?
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The copier has been brokenfor two days. Sam asked thesecretary to call in for repairs
several times with no effect.He says nothing and ends upcalling it in himself. After all,
he thinks, shes probably too
busy typing up that memo hegave her this morning.
What Would YouSay?
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Bob is in line at the delicounter waiting to be served.
His number is about to be
called next. Suddenly, awoman steps in front of him
and places her order. Bob
loudly complains about thedeli worker and the woman,
exclaims he will never shop
there again, tosses his ticket,
and stalks off.
What Would YouSay?
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Judys boss asks her to goon an important business
trip which will carry over
into the weekend of hersisters wedding. Judy feels
she cant refuse her boss
and plans on sending herspouse to the wedding in
her place.
What Would You
Say?
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What Would YouSay?
George is next in line tobuy tickets in a crowded
movie theatre lobby. Just as
his turn comes up, a mancuts in front of him and
requests tickets. George
meekly steps back to allowthe man room and hopes he
gets waited on next.
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A PassivePerson
Passive peopleusually:
Speak softly and hesitantly
Use fillers like uh and um. Avoid eye contact
Allow other people in their personal
space
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An AggressivePerson
t Raise their voices when they lose
controlt Shout and use language like You
should and You must.t Stare people down and may invade
other peoples personal space
physically
Infringes on others rights, using fear andintimidation to get what he or she wants
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An AssertivePerson
Assertive people
usually:
Asserts his or her own rights in apositive, open, honest, and self-
confident manner
H Speak calmly and confidently
H Uses statements with I think and
I feel.H Maintain eye contact, have good
posture and are in control
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SeveralTips
Be cognizant of your expression
Do not act hastily or in anger
Remain calm, cool, courteous &collected
Avoid making mountains out ofmolehills
Following these simple suggestions will presentyou as someone who is confident & optimistic --as opposed to someone who is hostile and angry
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Six PersonalityTypes
Dreamers.
Whiners.
Mutes.
Hamsters.
Invisible Beings.
Pit-bulls.
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Hamsters
Do good work, getrespect, BUT get
nowhere when it comes
to career advancement.Where do all their efforts
go?They may be assertive
for the organization
they work for, but fallshort when it comes to
standing up for
themselves.
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InvisibleBeings
They do goodwork BUT
nobody knows
it.Their
unassertiveness
lets others takecredit for their
achievements
and that leaves
i
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Pit-bulls
Their overlyaggressive behavior
gets in the way of
their success at workThey may be good
workers, but the
disruption and tensionthey create makes
them disliked and puts
them on the defensive
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Dreamers
Day-dreamingshows a lack of self control
that keeps them from
advancing.This lack of
focus may indicate low self-
esteem.
Whi
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Whiners
They constantly complainabout exactly what they
dont like, yet expect
others to speak up andchange the situation
They do nothing to affect the
change themselves, nomatter how much taking
decisive actions would help
remedy their complaints
M
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Mutes
They have a problem sayingno and, for that matter,much of anything at all
They take everything thatsgiven, whether they like it or
not, and their passivity makesthem over-worked and stressed
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Nine Types Of AssertiveResponse
Disagree in both a passive andactive manner depending on
the situation
Let other people
understand more about
you
Always ask questions
i f i
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Nine Types Of AssertiveResponse
Be reasonable
Look into the eyes
Say no to any requests
you are uncomfortable with
i Of i
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Nine Types Of AssertiveResponse
Accept compliments graciously
Insist on being treated
fairly
Be friendly and sincere with the people
you would like to know better; givethem a chance to get to know you
Wh t T D Wh C f t
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What To Do When Confronte
With a Problem
Controlling your emotionsis the first step to helping
solve, rather than magnify,
this problem assertively
Get aGrip
Wh t T D Wh
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What To Do WhenConfronted
With a Problem
Examine the situationcarefully and make sureyou have a handle on all
the facts.
Reach forLogic
Wh t T D Wh
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What To Do WhenConfronted
With a ProblemDont Keep a Lid
On ItProcrastination will onlymake it worse. Pent-up
frustrations could lead to
unwanted explosions
Wh t T D Wh
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What To Do WhenConfronted
With a ProblemDont Take It So
HardRemember to keep
perspective when things getsticky, and dont take things
personally.
It will only increase youremotional involvement and
ham er our abilit to
u es or on c
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u es or on cResolution
Keep a sense of
humor Shoot for a win-win resolution.
Four Steps To Saying
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Four Steps To SayingNo (1 of 2)
1. Listen to the request2. Say no immediately
3. Give a reason for your
refusal
4. Offer to find an alternative
No is Not a Dirty
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No is Nota DirtyWord
If something makes you feeluncomfortable or if you feel the
request is unreasonable, then it
is your prerogative to refuse.Remember:X You are not saying no
to the whole person,but only to part of the
relationship whichmakes you feeluncomfortable.
X No does not requirean ex lanation.
Letting Other People
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Letting Other PeopleKnow
How You Feel4 While remaining cool and collected,
try to explain your point of view.
4 Use terms like I feel and I think
rather than It should be or It
must.
Dont Get
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Dont GetMad...
' Anger may seem like a quick fix' Yelling will only come back to haunt
you later
First
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FirstImpressions
Slouching, avoiding eyecontact, can show a lackof self confidence
This kind of self-presentation can
perpetuate a cycle of non-assertive behavior
You Can Change Your
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You Can Change YourHabits
1. Identify what you want to change aboutyourself
2. Set a goal
3. Control your fears and anxieties4. Aim for a success that is manageableat first
5. Keep a record to monitor your progress
6. Practice, practice, practice!
Dont lose sight of yourgoal, and remember
that upkeep is a life-long
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Game Plan
Analyzing your skills
How do you plan to improve youInterpersonal communication skill
Mention the time frame
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Evaluation
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Interpersonal
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InterpersonalCommunication
Session V & VI
Neha Jasani
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Assignment evaluation
Peer evaluation
Story
Overall presentation and written comm
Faculty evaluation
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Interpersonal
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InterpersonalCommunication
Power
Technology
Culture
Culture and
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Culture andcommunication
Culture and communication areinseparable
The core of stand-point theory
Enculturation
Acculturation
In-group/out-group identification
Achievement vs
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Achievement vs.Nurturing
Achievement culture
Places high value on material success and afocus on the task at hand
Nurturing culture
regards the support of relationships as animportant goal
a. Hard cultures: Japan, Switzerland, andGermany.
Individualist vs
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Individualistvs.Collectivist
Individualist cultures
Value individual accomplishments
characterized by self-reliance andcompetition
(Examples: U.S., Canada, Australia andGreat Britain.)
Collectivist cultures
Feel loyalties and obligations to an in-
e process o n erpersona
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e process o n erpersonacommunication - Mark
Knapp Initial encounter Experimenting
Intensifying- further pursuing Integration- intense friendships,
close business partnerships,
romantic commitments Bonding
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Reverse pattern
Differentiating
Circumscribing stage
Stagnating stage Avoidance stage
Termination
The Negotiation Process
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The Negotiation Process
Always try to negotiate for at least 15minutes
Offer to let the other party speak first
Respect and listen to what your opponenthas to say
Acknowledge what the other party says Pay attention to your own and your
counter partner's body language
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Case study and analysis
as -m nu e s rong-arm
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gtactics
Walking out of the room
Offering a short-term bribe
Telling you to take it or leave it Giving an ultimatum
Abrupt change in tone
Introducing new requests
Adopting the Mr. Nice Guy persona
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Preparation
What is my mainobjective?
What are all of the
alternatives I canthink of?
Wh do I deserve to Collaborative
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Negotiating Resolve previous conflicts ahead of
time
Deal with issues, not personalities
Listen A common mistake is to prepare one's
next question or point while theopponent is speaking
Establish trust in the onset
Develop a common oal
Gender differences in
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Gender differences interpersonal communication
Men and Women communicate verydifferently almost as though theycome from different planets
At times they would perceive thesame message to have differentmeanings
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Men arefromMars,
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Listening exercise
Learning languages
Raising successful children Exotic animal kingdom
http://www.esl-lab.com/learn/learnrd1.
Last Lecture- Lessons learned
Ski i i h
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Skit topics in the past
If speaking is silver, then listening isgold.
Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your consent.
"Never forget that only dead fishswim with the stream.
"The way we communicate withothers and with ourselves ultimatelydetermines the quality of our lives.
Generic theme
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Styles of communication
Conflict resolution using effectivecommunication
Cultural difference as a barrier ofcommunication
Gender Differences in Interpersonalcommunication
Negotiation
Generic theme
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Evaluation Guidelines
Q i
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Quiz
Language barriers- Difference interminology
Topics of the previous sessions
POABAU
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BAUTGIF
BIDAKAASAPKISS
RSVPSWOTUSPDINK
FMCGCOBEODDIY
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