WhentheUnthinkableHappens...FindingaPathtoHealingAfteraMurder/Suicide:

ASurvivor’sPerspective

StephanieWillard,LAcJanaDeCristofaro, LCSW

TheDougyCenterforGrievingChildren&Families

● Inagenuinemurder/suicide,boththesuicideandmurderoccurasafunctionofasinglecontinuousprocess.■ Thomas Joiner

DefinitionofMurderSuicide

Thereisnocomprehensivenationaldatabaseortrackingsystem

Estimates:● 1,000-1,500murder-suicidedeaths/year● 46%ofmurder-suicideeventsinvolve3ormorehomicidevictims

● 11-12murder-suicideevents/weekintheU.S.● Gunsareusedin92%ofevents

Source:ViolencePolicyCenterAmericanRoulette:Murder/SuicideintheUS(2015)

Murder-SuicideStatistics

Statisticscontinued

• 94%ofperpetratorsaremale

• 70%ofthehomicidevictimsarewomen

• 14%ofthevictimsarechildren

• 72%ofmurder/suicideeventsinvolveanintimatepartner

• 81%ofeventsoccurinthehome

● Mentendtokilltheirchildrenandintimatepartnerspriortotheirownsuicidedeath

● Womentendtokilltheirchildrenandthemselvesbutsparetheirpartner

● Adults55+haveamurder-suicideratetwiceashighasyoungeradults

Statisticscontinued

Children’sExpression

● Multipledeaths

● Socialisolationbecauseofthestigma

● Fearfortheirsafety

● Challengeofmakingsenseofasenselessact

ComplexityofMurder-SuicideforChildren

● Intenseandinvasivemedia,communityknowledge

● Howtogrievesomeonewhokilledotherfamily

● Guiltfornotprotectingandpreventingact

● Intenseemotions– fear,rage,revenge

ComplexityofMurder-SuicideforChildren

● Whowillcareforthem?

● Everythingmightchange

● Howtocomprehend?

● Stigmaofbothamurderandasuicidedeath

ImpactonChildren

● Howtogrievethesuicidedeath

● Emotional&physicalimpactofwitnessing/experiencingtrauma

● Themediacoverageisintenseandaddscomplexity

ImpactonChildren

● Feelingsofabandonmentandguiltfornotprotectingthepersonwhowaskilled

● Angerorragetowardsthepersonwhokilledtheirfamilymember

● Anxietyorisolationhardtofindotherswhounderstandtheirsituation

ImpactonChildren

Lisa,3Dadshotmomandthenhimself

Jaimie,10Momshotdadthenherself

Steve,14Brotherkilled2strangers,thenkilledhimself

Children’sExpression

● Shame&guilt

● Anger&rage

● Fear

● Hypervigilance

● Trauma– PTSD

CommonReactions

● Confusion

● Changesinsleep/eating/behaviors

● Isolation

● Relief

CommonReactions

● Behonestaboutwhathappened

● Limitexposuretomedia

● Createasenseofsafety

● Grieve&remembereveryonewhodied

● Makeroomforallemotions

HowtoSupportChildren/Teens

● Provideroutinesandchoices

● Offersupport- tangible,emotional

● Beawareneeds– loudnoises,smells,crowds,specialdays

● Createopportunitiesforplay&creativeexpression

HowtoSupportChildren/Teens

Children’sExpression

StephanieWillard