Active Kids October 2012

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FREE

The LOCAL Go To Guide for Busy Families October 2012

Pumpkin Patch Guide pg. 12

BULLYING p. 18

HEALTHBENEFITS OF P U M P K I N S

p. 22

p. 34

Give UpScreentime

FIGHTS

October 2012 ACTIVE KIDS 3

Call for a consultation appointment today:

866.881.8820www.drugfreeadd.com

Attention & Achievement Center Locations: Pleasanton, Walnut Creek, San Francisco, San Mateo and Campbell

– Sliding scale fee for low income/financial hardships cases –

Ali Hashemian Director

Greg Alter Ph.D., ABPP, BCIA

Anne Jackson Ph.D.

Francine Grevin Ph.D.

Meyer Proler M.D.

Carl Hirsch O.D., FCOVD

Michael Bass M.D.

Jay Gunkelman QEEG Diplomate

Diagnostic Evaluation and Drug-Free Solutions for ADD/ADHD, Aspergers, Autism, Auditory Processing and Learning Disorders

We offer alternative and complementary services – not medication. The State of California does not regulate alternative and complementary services or their providers.

Fortunately, not every child that has problems focusing has ADD. There are many causes for a child’s inability to pay attention. Examples of problem areas are the poor ability to decipher the teachers instructions in a noisy class room environment, poor working memory to keep track of where you are in a sequence of tasks, slow processing speed which can cause even the best of memories to fail, or taking so long that even a normal attention begins to drift. More troubling is the cure that is all too often prescribed after a cursory rating form and a short office visit, which can be contra indicated in about 23% of the clients who are experiencing abnormal or spike laced brain activity.

But there are accurate, reliable tests to measure attention, learning, auditory processing and processing speed. And the good news is these issues can be resolved through exercises and training – which no pill can claim.

The Attention & Achievement Center has years of experience and a qualified staff of psychologists and neurologists who can help identify the root causes of your child’s difficulties, and help retrain your child’s brain so it is able to focus and learn.

Once the root causes have been clearly identified, we can offer non-medication based solutions for symptoms most often associated or mistaken for ADD/ADHD, Auditory processing, Sensory processing, Dyslexia (reading disorder), Learning Disorders,

Aspergers and autism. Our techniques – developed at NASA, UCLA, UCSF, among other prestigious institutions – are safe, noninvasive, fun and drug-free, with sustained, long-term results and without negative side effects. You will see measurable results – guaranteed!

We offer the following services:

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• Toxicity and Nutritional Analysis

• Parenting Skills

• Medication Management

• Neurocognitive Training

• IQ (intelligence) Testing

As we scramble to figure out what the kids will be for Halloween this year, don’t forget to check out the Active Kids website for inspiration! Stay safe this Halloween and be sure to read our ‘Trick or Treat Safety Tips’ on page 13 before hitting the streets!

Have you welcomed a new puppy into your home lately? If so, be sure to check out our ‘Puppies, Kids and the Modern Mom’ article on page 38. My family just added the 8th member to our clan, a Golden Retriever named Lola. So far, so good, but we start puppy classes next week…thank goodness!

As we head into the holiday season (and our favorite time of year at AK), we look forward to bringing you helpful tips to survive the months ahead, recipe and craft ideas and of course our calendar of events! Be sure to check out our facebook and website that are updated daily. Happy Fall!

The LOCAL Go To Guide for Busy Families

FIND US ON

Publisher | EditorTracie Vollgraf

Marketing ManagerEmily Stockman

Advertising Sales ManagerKaren [email protected]

Denise [email protected]

Graphic DesignerTeresa Craft

Marketing InternsCrystal Wigton

Contributing AuthorsBonnie HarrisBulling.govChristine CarterDanielle FredricoJulie KingRobin O’BryantSarah Tolson Tracie Vollgraf Tom Limbert

•

FREE

The LOCAL Go To Guide for Busy Families October 2012

Pumpkin Patch Guide pg. 12

BULLYING p. 18

HEALTHBENEFITS OF P U M P K I N S

p. 22

p. 34

Give UpScreentime

FIGHTS

On t

he co

ver:

Don’t forget to check out our amazing website for updated, resourceful information that makes any

parent’s life easier! www.activekidsbayarea.com

October

Pg. 6 Ten Questions When Planning For Your Family’s Financial Security

Pg. 10 Try This Next Time You Are Frustrated With Your Children

Pg. 12 Pumpkin Patch Guide

Pg. 13 Trick or Treat Safety Tips

Pg. 14 Halloween Recipes

Pg. 16 Mane Square

Pg. 18 Bullying

Pg. 22 Health Benefits of Pumpkins

Pg. 30 When the Older One is Too Rough With the Baby

Pg. 34 Give Up Screentime Fights

Pg. 38 Puppies, Kids and the Modern Mom

Pg. 42 The Good Stuff

Pg. 46 Habits Are Everything

p. 26 Calendar of Events

p. 32 PWL

6 ACTIVE KIDS www.activekidsbayarea.com

What is the sign of a good decision?®It’s clarifying what you want to achieve, what you value and how uncertainties affect

plans and aspirations – turning plans into action and goals into reality. 10 questions and answersWhen thinking about how to protect your livelihood or build the financial resources you will need to live life as desired, answer these 10 questions first. 1. What is important to me?Before thinking about the right financial products for your needs, clarify what’s truly important to you – the people you care about, the aspirations you have, the things you want to protect, and the support you’d like to give to others. Whether you reflect on this question by yourself, with family members, or alongside a financial professional – answer this first, as it will create the framework around which your financial strategy can be built. 2. Who depends on me today and who might depend on me tomorrow?This question should be at the core of your decision making process and should be answered well before you consider what financial products you need and in what amount. Spouses and children are often thought of as the most obvious dependents; however, there can be others – for example, parents, in-laws or siblings who, due to age, disability, or other circumstances, may be unable to care for themselves. Even individuals without a family have dependents – namely, themselves – since their well-being depends on their own ability to earn an income. With your list of current and potential dependents in hand, you will be better prepared to plot your course toward greater financial security.

3. Who is providing for my dependents now?Does someone in your family provide valuable non-financial support to those you care about? Think of the stay-at-home parent – they may not support their family with earned income, but the support they do provide is just as valuable as any paycheck. If a stay-at-home parent were unable to provide that support, it would surely be expensive to replace. Account for all who provide essential financial or non-financial support to your dependents.

by Sarah Tolson

Ten Questions When Planning for Financial Security


4. What risks have I overlooked or not fully considered?People may concentrate on the risk of premature or accidental death and overlook other risks to their well-being and livelihood (for example, a breadwinner unable to work due to illness, an aging parent unable to care for themselves, a retiree dealing with rising healthcare costs, a business owner faced with a succession problem). As you work to construct your strategy, be sure to think broadly about the financial risks you face today, or may face in the future. 5. Are my plans flexible enough?There are ways that financial product solutions can be structured to provide future flexibility and adjust with your evolving needs. When speaking with your financial professional, ask about flexible solutions that can be upgraded (or downsized) as events in your life unfold.

6. How do I pick the right financial professional?When choosing a financial professional, work with someone who is not only competent, but also inspires your trust and confidence. The best financial professionals are good listeners who seek to fully understand your circumstances and financial objectives before proposing possible solutions. They should have access to product solutions from many fine companies, should clearly explain how they get paid for their services, and should provide references upon request. Make sure your financial professional has a solid support network behind them since those affiliated with a strong, reputable firm will likely have access to better resources to support your changing needs.

7. How do I pick the right financial services company?Based on your specific needs, your financial professional should present product solutions from companies that they highly regard and with which they have had positive experience. Just as you will want to align yourself with a strong, reputable financial professional, you will want to do the same with regard to financial services companies. In many cases, products will be used to address financial needs and objectives that last for decades, if not a lifetime.To help ensure that your financial product providers will be there when you (or loved ones) need them, work with strong, stable companies that have received high marks from independent ratings agencies such as A.M. Best, Standard & Poor’s, Moody’s and Fitch.

8. What if I already have a plan?Even the best financial strategies should be revisited and updated regularly, generally at least once a year. Common life events such as marriage, having children, changing jobs, or even moving, can affect your existing approach. So, too, can just having another birthday – particularly if it means you have reached a financial milestone, such as the year you can begin collecting Social Security, receiving Medicare benefits, or taking distributions from your


Sarah Tolson, Certified Financial Planner™ and Founder of Girls Just Gotta Have Funds, is passionate about helping women and families create customized wealth-building

plans tailored to their goals and life circumstances. As a second generation financial planner, Sarah’s vision is to inspire women to make their dreams a reality!

Sarah is offering the readers of Active Kids Directory a complimentary one-hourfinancial consultation and would like to extend an invitation to her monthly

Wine, Women & Wealth workshop. Please call her at (925) 736-3024or email her at [email protected] for more information.

© 2010 Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company, Springfield, MA

retirement accounts. An experienced financial professional should regularly review your strategy with you, to help ensure that it remains aligned with your objectives and appropriate for your circumstances.

9. What is the downside of putting this off?Developing a financial strategy is a critically important activity that should not be rushed; however, there is a fine line between not rushing the process and not focusing on it at all. By putting this off, we expose ourselves and our families to unnecessary risks and lost opportunities – be it by not safeguarding our lifestyle from unexpected events, by not insuring our livelihood and legacy while in a position of health and strength, or by not capitalizing on even one extra day to build and protect our retirement nest egg. By actively focusing on this process, you can help protect your interests and shape your future.

10. What am I waiting for?You should now know what to consider as you develop your financial strategy and how to secure the best resources to turn that strategy into a reality. Take the next step by doing additional research on your own or seeking guidance from an experienced financial professional.


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GENERALADMISSION

©2012 Gilroy Gardens, Inc. A 501(c)(3) Nonprofit Corporation Created & Built by Michael Bonfante.

TM

Must present printed physical coupon at any open ticket window at Gilroy Gardens Family Theme Park to receive general admission for $29.99 each (ages 3 & up) up to six (6) people. Valid for single day general admission only, which includes use of all rides, shows and attractions in operation on day of use except pay events/concerts and pay-per-play attractions. Coupon is valid 4/01/2012 – 11/25/2012 during 2012 public operating days only. Parking not included. Not valid with the Value Card promotion. Not valid with any other offer, discount, coupon or promotion. Not valid on park company rentals or special events, including but not limited to Holiday Lights. Call

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Try This the Next Time You are

Frustrated with Your Children!

We all have them. They may be different for each of us. Yours might be rudeness, whining, bossiness, or shyness. Mine are

none of your business. The point is that we all have buttons our children push – a behavior they exhibit that drives us crazy. You know what I mean. Crazy. We didn’t even know we had them. But then our kids found them, and pushed them, again, and again. Man, they’re good at it.

Well, I think I can get us back on the right track. You see, I’ve discovered a solution that I know will alleviate your button pushing afflictions once and for all – no matter what your button is! I didn’t learn it in my master’s program. I didn’t learn it at Stanford. I learned it where we all learn the most: at home.

Little MonstersYou see, my niece was over playing with some babushka nesting dolls (great toy for a two-year-old btw). She decided to ordain her Russian village with one of my son’s little toy trees that go with his train set. She didn’t ask him. She’s two. He came downstairs, saw this and proceeded to freak out. I mean le freak, c’est chic. He’s six. That’s his “thing” he struggles with: emotional resiliency. We all have “things” we need to work on.

Nothing pushes my buttons more than when he unravels over something I determine to be unworthy of unravelization for his age. When he breaks down like that, it frustrates me to no end. It’s like kryptonite to all the superhero parenting ideals I have learned. I get so emotional. There. You know my but-ton. Happy?

Well, he wasn’t, and I wasn’t either. Drives me nuts. Nuts I say. My wife ap-propriately swooped in (what?!? I was getting dinner ready!), took him aside, gently listened to his feelings and clearly explained that his reaction wasn’t OK. Like it or not, much of being a parent is listening, encouraging, making judgments and re-directing. It’s a delicate balance.

When he came back downstairs, he was still crying a bit. I instinctively wanted to pour on more stern “daddy” lecture colored with disappointment and frus-tration. Fortunately, I had been reading tons of parenting books – including my second-favorite by Jane Nelsen , which reminded me that what young children

by Tom Limbert

Tom Limbert is a published parenting author and Parent Coach and can be found online at www.parentcoachtom.com. He has been working with young children and their

families since 1992. Tom has a Master’s degree in Education with an emphasis in early childhood development and is the co-creator of Studio Grow. Tom’s book,

Dad’s Playbook: Wisdom for Fathers from the Greatest Coaches of All Time, has over one hundred inspiring quotes and includes a Foreword from Hall of Fame QB Steve Young.

need the most at these times is positive, support, understanding and love. I asked him about it, listened to him, and re-iterated my wife’s sentiments that we share with family and friends. I assured him he was going to be OK.

ResolutionBut he wasn’t OK yet. The room was tense. I could feel my own buttons being pushed. I was about to go to the dark side of the force and give into my anger and fear. Then, I did it. I offered him a hug. Mind you, the tree remained in the Russian village. But my son and I felt better. I would venture to guess everyone in the room felt better.

I’m telling you, it works for everyone. Here’s your blueprint:Remember, this is about your buttons. Like my buttons, they may very well be related to your child’s current, and most frustrating challenges. The next time you feel them being pushed, i.e., you begin to feel your anger and frustration boiling over – that’s your cue! Talk to your child about what is happening (just narrate a bit), what you are both feeling, and say that you want to give him a hug. Administer hug.

Then, talk about how you can fix the dilemma together. Perhaps offer some choices. If you were setting a limit that needs to be upheld, explain why it needs to be upheld and uphold it. Please note, there may very well be more tears to come followed by more hugs. Offer warmth and encouragement to get your child over the hump, but know that ultimately it is his or her choice and responsibility to do so.

Perhaps the egocentric goal of making yourself feel better isn’t enough to moti-vate you to try a hug, or maybe you think you will be “giving in” to your child. Then think of a hug as a form of discipline. In Applied Behavior Analysis terms, a hug can (physically) “block” behaviors (and, I contend, emotionally as well). It can make the challenging behavior less likely in the future. Ironically, in this light, a hug is a form of punishment in that a hug will decrease the probability of subsequent occurrence of the behavior it follows. Hugs are versatile. They can be used as positive reinforcement as well.

Just Do It.Try a hug. I know it seems simplistic and even cheesy. On that note, at the risk of sounding like George Zimmer, I will add that you’re going to like the way you look and feel. I guarantee it.


Pumpkin Patch Antioch Pick of the Patch Pumpkins Delta Fair Blvd. @ Century Blvdwww.abctreefarms.netBrentwoodEnos Family FarmsPesticide-free/Transitionally organicWalnut Blvd. @ Marsh Creek Rd.925.437.9973www.enosfamilyfarms.comJumpin’ Jack’s Pumpkin PatchStreets of Brentwood2565 Sand Creek Road925.516.8500Smith Family Farm4430 Sellers Road925.625.5966www.smithfamilyfarm.comThe Pumpkin Patch on Orchard LaneFollows Organic Methods2260 Concord Ave925.516.1365Castro Valley Moore’s Pumpkin Patch9711 Dublin Canyon Road510.886.6015www.moorespumpkinpatch.com

Clayton Clayton Valley Pumpkin Patch1060 Pine Lane www.cvpumpkinfarm.com LathropDell’Osso Family Farm501 S. Manthey Road209.982.0833 www.pumpkinmaze.com Livermore G&M Farms487 East Aiway925.447.FARMwww.gmfarms.com Joan’s Farm and Pumpkin Patch4351 Mines Roadwww.joansfarm.com Pleasanton Moore’s Pumpkin PatchAlameda County Fairgroundswww.moorespumpkinpatch.comSan Ramon Forest Home Farms19953 San Ramon Valley Blvd.925.973.3284www.sanramon.ca.gov

Pumpkin Patch guide

Playland | Little Carver's Barnyard | Live Farm AnimalsTrain | Gift Shop | Food on the Weekends | Plant Nursery

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• Have your children wear or carry something that is lit or reflective. You will be able to keep track of your kids and cars

will be able to see them easier. Flashlights, light-up shoes, or glow in the dark necklaces are great options.

• Plan out your route in advance and check it during the daylight for such obstacles as broken sidewalks (or no sidewalks), construction timber, or other obstacles that could trip up trick or treaters. Trick or treat in familiar neighborhoods or areas.

• Only visit houses that are well lit. It is custom that houses who are expecting trick or treaters will keep their houses lit up and those who do not wish to be bothered will keep their house dark. Respect the privacy and wishes of your neighbors.

• Stay on the sidewalks and use crosswalks. Trick or treaters should walk, not run, and should never cut across lawns or driveways. Obstacles could exist that aren’t readily visible in the evening.

• Stay outside - don’t let kids enter homes of strangers. There should be no reason your kids need to enter a home. If there is a haunted house attraction, think about accompanying your child. This will let them partake in the fun without the worry of getting lost and scared.

• Follow neighborhood curfews. Some towns set a curfew for trick or treating which makes it easier for townsfolk to know who’s coming to their door. Make sure to stick to the curfew times and stick to subdivisions and areas with a lot of homes so your kids can get in as much trick or treating as possible in a few hours time.

• Keep the local police number in the contacts of your cell phone and report any suspicious activity or activities that seem out of the ordinary.

• Go through your child’s candy before they dive in. You want to make sure all of the candy packaging is sealed. Toss any pieces that have been opened or tampered with. Only accept homemade treats from people that you fully trust.

TrIck or TrEAT

Safety Tipsby Emily Stockman

Pumpkin Patch Pumpkin Patch


Spiderweb Dip with Bat Tortilla Chips Ingredients:

20 chipotle chili and pepper tortillas or flour tortillas (8 inches)Cooking spray3/4 teaspoon garlic salt3/4 teaspoon ground coriander3/4 teaspoon paprika3/8 teaspoon pepperDip:1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened3/4 cup salsa1/2 cup prepared guacamole1 to 2 tablespoons sour cream

Directions:Cut tortillas into bat shapes with a 3-3/4-in. cookie cutter. Place tortillas on baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Spritz tortillas with cooking spray. Combine the garlic salt, coriander, paprika and pepper; sprinkle over tortillas. Bake at 350° for 5-8 minutes or until edges just begin to brown.In a small bowl, combine cream cheese and salsa. Spread into a 9-in. pie plate. Carefully spread guacamole to within 1 in. of edges.Place sour cream in a small resealable plastic bag; cut a small hole in a corner of bag. Pipe thin concentric circles an inch apart over guacamole. Beginning with the center circle, gently pull a knife through circles toward outer edge. Wipe knife clean. Repeat to complete spiderweb pattern. Serve with tortilla bats. Yield: about 1-1/2 cups dip and about 7 dozen chips.

Creepy SpidersIngredients:

1 package (18-1/4 ounces) chocolate fudge cake mix1/2 cup butter, melted1 egg1 can (16 ounces) chocolate frostingShoestring black licorice, cut into 1-1/2 inch pieces1/4 cup red-hot candies

Directions:In a large bowl, combine the cake mix, butter and egg (dough will be stiff). Shape into 1-in. balls.Place 2 in. apart on ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 350° for 10-12 minutes or until set. Cool for 1 minute before removing from pans to wire racks.Spread a heaping teaspoonful of frosting over the bottom of half of the cookies. Place four licorice pieces on each side of cookies for spider legs; top with remaining cookies. For eyes, attach two red-hot candies with frosting to top of spider. Yield: about 2 dozen.

Halloween Recipes


Corn Maze l Haunted House l Zip Lines l Aerial Ropes Course l Pumpkin Patch Dell’Osso Express Train l Spinning Pumpkins l Gem Mining l Jumping Pillows Petting Zoo l Pony Rides l Tractor Train Ride l Scarecrow Ride l Kiddie Land

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Buy one Active Kids Package includes:Spinning Pumpkin ….. $ 2.50 Jumping Pillow ……… $ 2.50 Kiddie Land …………. $ 5.00 Dell’Osso Express Train.. $ 3.00 Scarecrow Ride………. $ 1.00 $14.00

Add a Corn Maze Ticket for an additional $5.00 per person.

Must show coupon to get discount. Discount good toward Active Kids Package only. Not valid with any other package or promotion.

(Cut along dotted line)

Hours:10am-8pm (Last entry into gate is 8pm) Attractions start closing at 9pm based on crowd demand.

Active Kids Package

Get one...


Ever think of leaving your 8-5 job behind to start your own endeavor? Are you

spread too thin, having to be in an office all day, take time off to volunteer in your child’s classroom or take a sick child to a doctor’s appointment? Does your commute consume the better part of your day? Only to rush home, get the kids fed, bathed with a few extra “quality” minutes to spend with them before bedtime?

As daunting as it may seem, many moms have abandoned their corporate jobs and started businesses that allowed them the flexibility to control their own schedules. Is starting or owning your own business easy? Absolutely not, but we found one Mom who has figured out how to make it work.

TJ Dupont, a Danville mom of 2 boys, 9 and 7 was a marketing executive for over 17 years. Her position required her to travel the world, often overlapping with her husband’s busy travel schedule. Although she had a live-in Au Pair to help with the children, and her parents occasionally flew in from Canada to lend a hand, TJ was overwhelmed with the feeling that she was missing out on her children’s childhood.

She had entertained the idea of leaving her corporate job for something else, but the deciding decision came unexpectedly. After dealing with an Au Pair situation gone bad and a three and a half hour commute home one day, she received just the push she needed. With help from her husband who had experience with the venture capital side of business and melding TJ’s entrepreneur background, they decided to open their own business so TJ could be closer to home and her children.

The couple looked at many industries and decided on the salon industry because they saw a void that was missing… a salon that truly catered to the busy suburban family (like them), a one-stop-shop so that dad didn’t have to make a separate trip to his hair cut place, the kids to another and mom to her fancy full service salon. After conducting focus groups with busy parents, The Duponts came to the conclusion that busy suburban families needed three things: 1) A salon that offered talented and experienced stylists, even for Mom! 2) Customer Service - TJ has often times been heard to say to her stylists, “Every customer who walks into this salon needs to be treated like they just walked into my living room. 3) Exceptional Value – TJ wanted a salon that used quality products without breaking the customer’s pocket book. TJ remembered always paying an extraordinary amount after every visit to her

by Tracie Vollgraf

Mane Square


stylist. So she priced Mane Squares services reasonably so that even mom can do her whole haircut, color and blowout with money to spare.

Mane Square is a modern salon with a high tech flare… it’s got magazines galore, 6 flat screen TV’s, iPads to keep kids of all ages busy, an extremely friendly staff and much more! It’s probably simpler if you just went and checked it out! After all, it is a Danville Mom’s Startup!

• Specialized orthodontics for children & adults• Complimentary initial consultation• In - office digital xray imaging reducing radiation by 50%• Esthetic options include Invisalign, ceramic “clear” braces, & braces behind the teeth• Trained at Harvard & UC San Francisco

Dr. Will is dedicated to providing your family with exceptional treatment in a modern,

professional & comfortable office.

William Schlicher, DMD, MS

www.PleasantonOrtho.com(925) 846-3248

1472 Cedarwood Ln., Pleasanton


Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.

In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include:An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.

Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.

There are three types of bullying:1. Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:

• Teasing• Name-calling• Inappropriate sexual comments• Taunting• Threatening to cause harm

2. Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:

• Leaving someone out on purpose• Telling other children not to be friends with someone• Spreading rumors about someone• Embarrassing someone in public

3. Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions. Physical bullying includes:

• Hitting/kicking/pinching• Spitting• Tripping/pushing• Taking or breaking someone’s things• Making mean or rude hand gestures

by StopBullying.gov

BULLYING


Help Kids Understand BullyingKids who know what bullying is can better identify it. They can talk about bullying if it happens to them or others. Kids need to know ways to safely stand up to bullying and how to get help.

Encourage kids to speak to a trusted adult if they are bullied or see others being bullied. The adult can give comfort, support, and advice, even if they can’t solve the problem directly. Encourage the child to report bullying if it happens.

• Talk about how to stand up to kids who bully. Give tips, like using humor and saying “stop” directly and confidently. Talk about what to do if those actions don’t work, like walking away.• Talk about strategies for staying safe, such as staying near adults or groups of other kids.• Urge them to help kids who are bullied by showing kindness or getting help.

Keep the Lines of Communication OpenResearch tells us that children really do look to parents for advice and help on tough decisions. Sometimes spending 15 minutes a day talking can reassure kids that they can talk to their parents if they have a problem. Start conversations about daily life and feelings with questions like these:

• What was one good thing that happened today? Any bad things?• What is lunch time like at your school? Who do you sit with? What do you talk about?• What is it like to ride the school bus?• What are you good at? What would do you like best about yourself?

Talking about bullying directly is an important step in understanding how the issue might be affecting kids. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions, but it is important to encourage kids to answer them honestly. Assure kids that they are not alone in addressing any problems that arise. Start conversations about bullying with questions like these:

• What does “bullying” mean to you?• Describe what kids who bully are like. Why do you think people bully?• Who are the adults you trust most when it comes to things like bullying?• Have you ever felt scared to go to school because you were afraid of bullying? What ways have you tried to change it?• What do you think parents can do to help stop bullying?• Have you or your friends left other kids out on purpose? Do you think that was bullying? Why or why not?• What do you usually do when you see bullying going on?• Do you ever see kids at your school being bullied by other kids? How does it make you feel?• Have you ever tried to help someone who is being bullied? What happened? What would you do if it happens again?


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• Get more ideas for talking with children about life and about bullying. If concerns come up, be sure to respond.

Encourage Kids to Do What They LoveHelp kids take part in activities, interests, and hobbies they like. Kids can volunteer, play sports, sing in a chorus, or join a youth group or school club. These activities give kids a chance to have fun and meet others with the same interests. They can build confidence and friendships that help protect kids from bullying.

Model How to Treat Others with Kindness and RespectKids learn from adults’ actions. By treating others with kindness and respect, adults show the kids in their lives that there is no place for bullying. Even if it seems like they are not paying attention, kids are watching how adults manage stress and conflict, as well as how they treat their friends, colleagues, and families.The

StopBullying.gov coordinates closely with the Federal Partners in Bullying Prevention Steering Committee, an interagency effort led by the Department of Education that works

to coordinate policy, research, and communications on bullying topics.

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October is known for pumpkin patches and jack-o-lanterns. This fall decorating staple also happens to be good for you. You may be surprised that canned pumpkin is one of the world’s healthiest foods. Pumpkin (behind green leafy vegetables) contributes

more of the Daily Recommended Value of vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and fiber than any other fruit or vegetable. Cooking a gourd to make your own puree will give you the same nutrients, but it is much less convenient and 100% pure canned pumpkin can be purchased any time of year, not just the fall when pumpkins are in season. This doesn’t mean that pumpkin pie is a health food, but choosing items containing pumpkin over other options is a healthier choice. Pumpkin pie has a much higher nutritional quality than pecan or meringue pie, for example. In a season that basically endorses poor nutrition and overeating, this is a great opportunity to discuss health with your children. Make pumpkin this season’s superhero by decorating one with a face and a cape. Superpowers include keeping families healthy and making food taste better. Look beyond the pie and explore the versatile, delicious and healthy ways pumpkin can be used.

• Pumpkin pancakes make a smart breakfast, providing a dose of vegetables, whole grains and fiber as opposed to eating buttermilk pancakes, which are basically a wad of refined flour. Pumpkin pancakes are so tasty you can skip the syrup or use a lot less. In addition, they are easily stored in the refrigerator for up to a week, wrapped in foil, because they stay moist. Flour pancakes dry out and become stale. Small pumpkin pancakes are perfect for school lunches and snack time.

• When carving jack-o-lanterns this year, collect the seeds. After pulling off as much pulp as you can, rinse seeds in a colander and spread them on a baking sheet. Lightly coat with olive oil and salt. Roast them at 350º for 25 minutes. Seeds are great source of protein and an excellent alternative for nut-free schools and homes. Extra seeds can be combine with almonds, raisins, cranberries, peanuts and dark chocolate bits for a nutritious trail mix.

• Homemade baked goods get a nutritional boost when made with

by Danielle Fredrico

Health Benefits of Pumpkin


pumpkin. Pumpkin streusel bread, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin-carrot muffins and pumpkin-cranberry upside down cake are some of my family’s favorite health inspired sweets. Avoid pumpkin recipes that include ingredients that decrease the overall health profile of the dish, such as blocks of cream cheese or sour cream.

• Pumpkin soup makes a hearty main dish for lunch or dinner.

Visit www.dani-fabulous.com for these delicious, printable pumpkin recipes that maximize health benefits and taste without being complicated to make.

Danielle Federico, M.P.H. is the author of “MOMMY FABULOUS: Complete Pregnancy Fitness and Nutrition Guide, Designed to Deliver a Fabulous Postpartum Figure.” (amazon.com) She holds a Masters of Public Health from UC Berkeley and is a

personal trainer and nutritional counselor. Danielle’s popular blog www.dani-fabulous.com provides nutrition, health and fitness information for

anyone looking to lead a healthier life.

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OCTOBERcalendar

Alameda County

October 4, 11, 18, 25Morning PlaytimeGolden Apple Learning CenterPleasanton10:30amwww.goldenapples.com

October 5-7, 11-14, 17-21, 23-28, 30-31Pirates of Emerson Haunted Themed ParkAlameda County FairgroundsPleasanton7:05pm - 10pm$20-$25www.hauntedbay.com

October 5Whooo’s Coming To Storytime?Rincon LibraryLivermore10:30am(925) 373-5540

October 6 & 714th Annual Art in the ParkCentral ParkSan Ramon10am – 5pmwww.sanramonarts.org

October 6Edible ArtPleasanton LibraryLibrary Meeting Room2pm - 3pm Limited to those in grades 6th-8th Registration Required925-931-3400 x8

Semiannual Used Clothing & Equipment SaleTwin Valley Mothers of Twins ClubAlameda County FairgroundsPleasanton9am - 2:15pm$2www.tvmotc.org

October 6Furry Fall Friend-zyEast Bay SPCADublin10am - 12pmwww.eastbayspca.com

Airport Open House and Air ShowLivermore Airport10am – 4pmFreewww.cityoflivermore.net

October 13Ardenwood Harvest FestivalArdenwood FarmFremont10am – 5pmFREEwww.ebparks.org

Northern California Doll and Teddy Bear ShowAlameda County FairgroundsPleasanton10am - 3:30pm$8www.hermanshows.com

October 14Antique FairMain StreetDowntown Pleasanton8am - 4pmwww.pleasantondowntown.net

Halloween CarnivalRobert Livermore Community CenterLivermore1pm - 4pm$7 per childPreregistration is appreciated(925) 373-5700


4th Annual Livermore Halloween CarnivalDowntown Livermore 1pm - 5pm$5www.livermoredowntown.com/events

Trick or TreatEast Bay SPCADublin1pm - 3pmwww.eastbayspca.com

Creepy Happy HalloweenLawrence Hall of ScienceBerkeley12pm - 4pmwww.Lawrencehallofscience.org

Haunted Hobbit TreeSycamore Grove ParkLivermore7pm - 9pm$8 per personA preregistration is required(925) 373-5700

October 30Children’s CraftLivermore Library12pm - 5pm(925) 373-5504

Contra Costa County

October 2Story and Craft TimeMoraga Library4pm - 5pmwww.ccclib.org

October 3Mommy-Only Open HouseBloom Walnut Creek6pm - 9pmwww.bloomretreat.com

October 20Harvest FairHeritage Park and MuseumDublin12pm – 6pm$5 wristband for all activitieswww.ci.dublin.ca.us

October 20-21Jack O’ Lantern JamboreeFairylandOaklandAll Day$10www.fairyland.org

October 26Harvest FestivalSuper FranksPleasantonAdult $6, Children $12Registration is preferredwww.superfranks.com

October 26 & 27Sulphur Creek Unhaunted HouseSulphur Creek Nature CenterHayward$7 (under 3 FREE)Tickets are for specific time slotswww.hayward.rec.org

October 27Fall Scavenger HuntMuseum on Main603 Main StreetDowntown Pleasanton10am - 12pmwww.pleasantondowntown.net

BATS!Pleasanton LibraryLibrary Meeting Room2pmFor information please call the Children’s Desk,925-931-3400 x8

Bamwow! Activity DayWalnut Creek LibraryYgnacio Valley2pm - 4pmwww.ccclib.org

October 5Preschool Performance SeriesVentriloquist Steve ChaneyVillage TheatreDanville10am - 11amwww.ci.danville.ca.us

October 6, 13, 20, 27Free Crafts for KidsLakeshore LearningWalnut Creek11am - 3pmwww.lakeshorelearning.com

October 6Crazy Chemistry with Mad ScienceSan Ramon LibraryDougherty Station2pm - 2:45pmwww.ccclib.org

Journey Into SelfBloomWalnut Creek 1pm - 3:30pmwww.bloomretreat.com

October 6-7Art, Jazz & Wine FestivalDowntown Pleasant HillCrescent DriveSaturday 10am - 9pm, Sunday, 10am - 5pmwww.ci.pleasant-hill.ca.us

Art in the ParkDanville Library Town Green10am - 5pm www.danville.ca.gov.(925) 314-3466


OktoberfestMain StreetDowntown Clayton11am – 8pm (sat) 11am – 6pm (sun)FREEwww.claytonoktoberfest.com

October 7Step Up for Down Syndrome Walk/Picnic18013 Bollinger Canyon RdSan Ramon10:30am$30www.firstgiving.com/dscba

Animal Home Series-Tree HomesArts & Science Discovery CenterLafayette1:30pm - 2:30pmwww.cccilb.org

October 9Children’s Author Showcase: Diane Lang“Vulture Verses: Love Poems for the Unloved”Walnut Creek Library4pm - 5pmwww.ccclib.org

Hobbit PartyPleasant Hill Library6:30pm - 8pmwww.ccclib.org

October 12-Nov 10Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor DreamcoatLesher Center for the ArtsWalnut CreekShow Times Varywww.leshercenter.prg

October 13Oakland ZoomobileMoraga Library2pm - 3pmwww.ccclib.org

Scarecrow ContestClayton Valley FarmClayton11am - 12pmwww.cvpumpkin.com

October 14Primo’s Run for EducationDowntown Danville7am Registrationwww.primosrun.com

Raising Happiness with author Christine CarterLafayette Orinda Presbyterian Church49 Knox Dr.Lafayette6pm$10www.lopc.org

October 16New Mother’s Support CircleBloomWalnut Creek11am - 12pmwww.bloomretreat.com

October 19Big Band Ballroom DanceVeterans Memorial BuildingLafayette7pm - 10pm$10You can purchase tickets at the Lafayette Chamberwww.lafayettechamber.org

Couples Yoga & Wine Retreat NightBloomWalnut Creek6:30pm - 8:30pmwww.bloomretreat.com

October 20Oakley Harvest FestivalCivic Center PlazaOakley12pm – 4pmFREEwww.ci.oakley.ca.us

October 20-21Danville Fall Craft FestivalDowntown Danville10am - 5pm(925) 837-4400www.daanvilleareachamber.com

October 21Concord Antique Faire2151 Salvio StConcord9am - 3pmwww.concordantiquefaire.com

October 22Pumpkin JubileeLiveryDanville11am - 3pmwww.jubileefarm.org

October 26Trick-or-TreatDowntown Walnut Creek2pm - 6pmwww.walnutcreekdowntown.com

Children’s Fall FestivalDanville Community Center3:30pm - 7pm(925) 314-3400www.Danville.ca.gov

Movie in the Park“Casper the Friendly Ghost” Brentwood City ParkBrentwood6:30pm(925) 516-5444


Halloween FestivalPixielandConcord1pm - 4pm$15 per childwww.pixieland.com

Trick-or-Treat in Walnut CreekParticipating Downtown StoresMain StreetWalnut Creek2pm – 6pmFREEwww.downtownwalnutcreek.com

October 29Storytime with FarmerForest Home FarmsSan RamonAges 3 - 5$5 resident/$6 nonwww.sanramonrecguide.com

October 31Trick-or-TreatBroadway PlazaWalnut Creek5:30pm - 7pmwww.broadwayplaza.com/events

Trick or Treat & Downtown Scarecrow ContestThe PlazaDowntown ConcordAll Day

Out of Area

October 4-8Fleet WeekSan FranciscoEvents and times varywww.fleetweek.us

October 6-28Halloween Scary Boo!Gilroy GardensWeekends Only10am - 6pmwww.gilroygardens.org

Halloween Party in the PlazaBlackhawk PlazaDanville6pm - 8pmwww.shopblackhawkplaza.com/center_events

Halloween SpooktacularPixielandConcord$15 for unlimited rides6pm - 8:30pmwww.pixieland.com

October 27Lamorinda Mom’s Halloween EventLa Fiesta SquareLafayette3pm - 5pm

Halloween FestivalStreets of BrentwoodBrentwood11amFREEwww.brentwoodchamber.com

October 27-31Trick or Treat at the Jungle!The JungleConcord$2 off regular admission10am - 8:30pm www.thejunglefun.com

October 28Monster Mash for KidsBlackhawk PlazaDanvilleFREE1pm-3pmwww.shopblackhawkplaza.com/center_events

October 13-14Goblin JamboreeBay Area Kids MuseumSan Francisco10am - 4pm$15www.baykidsmuseum.org

Half Moon Bay Art and Pumpkin FestivalHalf Moon Bay9am - 5pmwww.miramarevents.com

October 27-28Boo at the ZooOakland Zoo10am - 3pmRegular zoo admission price applieswww.oaklandzoo.org

October 27Halloween Camp NightGilroy GardensOvernightRegistration Requiredwww.gilroygardens.com

October 30Halloween Family FestMommy& Me Kids ClubSantana RowSan Jose10am - 12pm(408) 551-4611

November 3-4Handle WorkshopApproach to NeurodiversitySkyline High SchoolOakland9am - 5pmRegistration Required $300(925) 934-3500


Five-year-old Lexi LOVES her nine-month old sister, Anna, but she can be too rough with her. Sometimes she holds Anna so tightly that when she lets go, Anna is thrown off

balance and falls backward, startling her. Their mother, Amy, feels like she’s tried everything -- time-outs, gentle reminders, even role plays -- and nothing has worked. She contacted me wondering how to avert these risky situations.

For Lexi to develop more self-control, she first needs to be aware of how she is feeling and what she wants. One way to help her with this is to put into words how she is feeling. “You didn’t mean to hurt Anna.” “That’s not what you expected to happen.” “It looks like you feel bad that Anna got hurt.” Or even, “It’s not easy having a little sister. Sometimes they’re fun to have around, but sometimes they grab your stuff. They can be such a nuisance, and then they get hurt so easily!” If Lexi is able to talk through how she feels, she might even be able to think about what she could do differently next time.

Amy decided to try this new approach. Here’s her report:

Lexi was sitting in her arm chair with her legs over the edge. Anna pulled herself up using the arm of the chair -- her face was right at Lexi’s feet -- and she reached for Lexi’s water bottle. Lexi pushed Anna with her foot and Anna flew back, landing on her back. My husband grabbed Lexi and put her in her room. After calming Anna down, I went to Lexi’s room. She was sitting on her floor with a stuffed monkey wrapped around her head.

Me: Lexi, I want to talk about what happened, but I can see you’re feeling bad. Let’s check on Anna, OK?Lexi: Ok.We walk out; Lexi peeks around the corner.Me: She was scared, but she’s OK now. Do you want to tell her something?Lexi: I want to whisper it to her so no one hears.Lexi whispers to Anna: I’m sorry. I love you (and gingerly kisses her head).I sit down with Lexi.Me: Were you upset that Anna was going for your water bottle?Lexi: Yeah, she was so close.

by Julie King, Parent Educator and “How To Talk” Trainer

WHEN THE OLDER ONE IS TOO ROUGH WITH

THE BABY: WHAT TO DO!

Me: What did you think would happen when you pushed her?Lexi: I thought she’d flop on her butt like she always does.Me: It was probably scary for you, too, when she flew backwards!Lexi: Yeah.Me: What do you think might have worked better to protect your bottle without scaring Anna?Lexi: I could have gone to my room.Me: Hmmm... Then you’d be sad, though, right? Because you’d have left where we were all hanging out.Lexi: Yeah, I guess.Me: What else might have worked?Lexi: (thinks)...I could put my panda hat on Anna’s head so she forgets about the bottle.Me: That might work. Do you think next time Anna has something you want you could try something like that?Lexi: Yeah (with a sigh and little laugh).

We hugged and Lexi went off to play. A few minutes later she came back with a paper heart flower to “help calm Anna down more.”

The next day, Lexi was in her chair again and Anna started crawling onto the chair. I was in the other room and Lexi called out in a rushed, worried voice: “Please move Anna.” A couple other times Anna picked up Lexi’s marker and Lexi traded it for a baby toy. She did it pretty roughly, but it’s a step in the right direction! There were a few times Lexi didn’t make the right choice and we had to intervene, but more times than not I could see Lexi thinking more about how to act around her sister.

Strategy: Put into words what Lexi is feeling. Tell the story of what happened.

Tip: Sometimes we think we need to immediately teach the aggressor how dangerous her behavior was, and how badly the baby could have been hurt. But often the older one can’t take this in until we let her know we “get” what was going on for her, first.

Could you use help for an everyday challenge with your kids? Contact Julie to become the subject of next month’s advice column. All names changed to protect the frazzled!

JULIE KING is a Parent Educator and “How To Talk” Trainer in the Bay Area. She offers private consultations in person and by phone. Mention this column for 20%

off your first consultation! If you are interested in participating in her most popularworkshop, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen,” contact her now. She is also available

for Parent Education evenings and workshops for self-organized groups. Contact Julie at 415-939-3553 or [email protected].

For more information, visit www.julieking.org.



So much worry, arguing, screaming, and power struggles are spent between parents and kids over screen time. The jury is still out on the effects but enough has been written about brain damage, nature deprivation, inactivity, eye damage, etc., etc. to keep parents tethered to a rope

yanking their children away from the very thing that fascinates them most.

Video game addictions, internet obsession, contact with cyberspace predators all have us living in fear for our children’s minds and safety. Many parents report angry, hostile moods in their children once they are removed from their device. All very real concerns, which make it very difficult to trust what I am about to suggest.

I have been trying an experiment with some of the parents I work with and finding an amazing success rate. My suggestion is to lay off your children’s screen time.

“Yikes! How can I do that and be a responsible parent? My child will stay glued to one device or another forever.” “I can’t just let him rot in front of the computer screen.” “She spends her entire life texting without looking up from her phone.”

Children stick close to forbidden fruit. When they fear not getting enough, they hoard what they can. When they know we distrust and dislike what they love, we actually drive them to it. They have a need to prove something to us when we disapprove of them.

When we yell, threaten, punish, and bribe our children to get them away from screens, we are throwing all our attention and focus on just what we want them to pay less attention to. After we argue and criticize and provoke their anger, is it any wonder they are in hostile, aggressive moods when we do get them off?

My challenge to you is to put attention where you want it and give little attention to what you don’t want.

If you are going to have technological equipment in your house, give your children cell phones so you can stay in touch, and buy video games to please

by Bonnie Harris

Give Up Screentime F ights

them, doesn’t it seem oxymoronic to then criticize and blame them for using them the way they want?

Set clear standards from the beginning:• Keep your children technology-free until they can be responsible handling these devices.

• When they demand something you are not ready to give, don’t allow their anger and disappointment to bowl you over. Stand firm on your values.

• When you are ready, get involved with your children. Learn about what they love. Play games with them. Ask them to teach you. Find out what the draw is and be understanding of it. For some children, the computer world is the only place they feel successful.

• As with television, establish rules that your children are engaged in setting asking their opinion on what they think is reasonable. Make compromises. Make it work for both of you.

• Once parameters are clear and followed, count your blessings.

If you find you and your children fighting over screen time, here are some tips to switch your attention:

• Put your focus on creating other opportunities that you know they enjoy. Plan biking trips, martial arts classes, family reading time, time with your attention.

• Let them spend as much time as they like on their screens. Watch when they get off and what they do then. Chart the time so you see it over time.

• Expect them to stay on long hours when you first stop fighting about it. Be patient.

• Try this as an experiment for at least 2 weeks, preferably a month. You might tell your child about the experiment and plan reevaluate at the end—or not.

You might be surprised what you discover. Yes, there are addictions, but many children, when given the opportunity to set their own agendas, actually do control themselves and get bored doing one thing all the time.

Bonnie Harris, MS Ed, director of Connective Parenting, has been a child behavior and parenting specialist for twenty-five years. Based on her highly acclaimed books, When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for

Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live, Bonnie counsels parents via phone and skype, teaches parenting workshops, leads professional trainings and speaks internationally. The mother of two grown children, she lives in New Hampshire where she founded The Parent Guid-

ance Center. To learn more, visit her website at www.bonnieharris.com.


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by Laura Enos

Puppies, Kids and the Modern Mom

IF you look up the word obedience in the dictionary, it means “too listen”. We all want our dogs and kids to listen- the key is to stay out of trouble in the first place!

Starting off with a consistent routine is essential when raising puppies AND kids! Set sleep times, meal times, study and practice times, exercise and play time must be a part of each day. Have family meetings and discuss the importance of prevention and having better self-control, the kids not the puppy! Kids must learn to have some self discipline…not to grab, tease or otherwise abuse the puppy. Discuss time-outs and discipline as it applies to the puppy as well as to the kids.

Time management is a challenge for all families. It helps to make a list, and work on a schedule. Work on it as an entire family. Make an Activity and Chore Board, purchase a few big Poster boards and lay out the schedule and discuss how it will be implemented. Structure out what is expected and how and when to get it done. Kids gain confidence thru doing chores and learning how to follow through and finish what they start. Parents must make extra effort to recognize and reward kids for their efforts.

Work with the kids and puppies on obedience-oriented games they can play like “Go To” or “Fetch” …where the puppy goes and grabs the object, not the kid! Have the pup on a tie-out station while the kids do their homework, chewing away on its bone. After homework it’s time to all go outside for a walk and some play time! Point out to the kids if we always say “COME” and grab for the puppy the puppy will eventually not “COME”. We can’t say “COME” all the time, the wrong way, and expect the pup to learn. We need to start with place training. Teach the pup to move from us and to a specific place. “Crate, Outside”...use words that send the pup away and use treats to show the pup the place. “COME” always has to have a positive association. Using your kids’ names, send the pup… “Puppy, go to Jake”. Have Jake call “Puppy, Come”, he makes the pup SIT and gives a treat. “Good Pup”! Have Jake say “Puppy, Go to Mom”… You call puppy, make it SIT and give the treat! Your pup is not only finding that “COME” is fun, the pup is engaging in a brain stimulating exercise while learning your names!


To help get the point of prevention across, let’s get creative. Get more poster board and have the kids create reminder signs…Post on the front door “WAIT, WHERE’S THE DOG”? “KEEP GATE CLOSED” at the yard gate to prevent rushing out doors. Post “DON’T FEED THE ANIMALS” in the kitchen. To remind no one should feed scraps or give freebies or encourage begging. We may have to have a rule for a short while…all food in the kitchen! Don’t give a puppy a chance to learn to food steal! Put a few “PICK UP AFTER YOURSELVES” signs around the house. This reminds everyone to pick up shoes and socks, gloves, paper…well pretty much everything has to be up! Teach kids to put their stuff away!

Having a good management plan prevents problems. Don’t allow the puppy to practice mistakes. Puppies need a safe haven from a bustling house. Kids and puppies should never be left unsupervised. Give yourself and the pup a few options for confinement, pens, corrals, crates are a must, as well as tie-out stations. On tie-outs, the pup has to practice settling down –during quiet time, especially in the evenings, and learn it is not play time twenty-four seven. A dog run is a must in the back yard, especially for large breeds. With young kids and puppies, it helps to keep a trailing leash on the pup in the house. The pup can’t learn “keep away games”, to run from us or out a door. Having a trailing leash on gives us a chance to control movement through the house. You can’t allow a pup to run wild, peeing anywhere, grabbing kids’ clothes and generally making mayhem. Confinements through crate, tie-outs and leashes will produce a pup that will eventually “Go outside” and has not been allowed to practice running away, begging and jumping up on people.

Get into the habit of pointing out what is right! Praise your child for putting his sisters flip flops in the closet. Praise the pup for chewing on her bone! The new puppy gives the house opportunity to teach everyone to habitually use positive reinforcement as opposed to always being negative- and how that can be applied to the family dynamic. As we all practice these principles in our daily lives, the pup actually teaches us to be patient, firm, consistent and diligent…in all areas of our family life.

Laura Enos- A pioneer in the puppy training industry, Laura has long been regarded as one of the top Pet Dog Trainers in the Bay Area. She has been helping people with there pets since 1982. In that time she has trained approximately 37,000 dogs. Her expertise comes from training horses since childhood to her early work with German Shepherd

Service Dogs, all experiences which taught her the importance of having structure and leadership when raising an animal. That is what sets LAURA FOR DOGS apart- the entire

family is welcome to come to class and learn together. The class curriculum is fun, effec-tive and relevant. For more information and local classes, go to www.laurafordogs.com.


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Something weird is happening in my house. It’s a phenomenon I don’t know quite how to deal with and it’s a bit unsettling. I believe it’s called “peace and quiet.” There have been a lot of changes in my house in the last few months. In addition to getting my two oldest daughters back into school, I’ve gone on a cleaning rampage in my house.

I made seven trips to The Salvation Army last week, giving away everything from books to clothes and old bedding. If we aren’t using it or wearing it—I want it out of my house.

I crave simplicity, a place for everything and everything in its place. I’ve organized baskets for homework supplies and my kid’s shoes. I’ve rearranged furniture in my house making the rooms more user friendly and two of my daughters switched bedrooms. Now my oldest daughter, Aubrey, has her own room and the two younger girls are sharing. It’s a match made in heaven. Aubrey has outgrown the need for a light to be left on and craves quiet. Emma and Sadie like to listen to music while they drift off.

More than the furniture has shifted. I see my daughters’ relationships with each other changing. I see more of their own personalities emerging every day. Aubrey and Emma have been learning to cook with me over the summer, simple things: scrambled eggs, toast, a grilled cheese. And now when I wake up to start our school day, I’m no longer trying to do fifteen things at once.

“Momma?” Aubrey asks, “I’m making eggs, do you want some?”

“Sure,” I nod.

“HURRY and get dressed! We are running late, I’ve got to get dressed and still got to pack your lunches!”

“I can make lunches,” Emma, my six-year-old offers. She grabs her step-stool to reach the deli meat and cheese from the fridge and goes to work. I put the sandwich bags and all of her supplies within reach and as I walk to the back of the house to get dressed I hear her yell, “AUBREY! DO YOU WANT TURKEY OR SALAMI?”

“SALAMI!” Aubrey yells back.

by Robin O’Bryant

The Good Stuff


Dressed, I rush back to the kitchen to see Emma picking peppercorns out of a slice of salami.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Aubrey doesn’t like the peppers.” She states.

“I know, but I don’t usually pick them out.”

“That’s how she likes it,” Emma shrugs.

Aubrey helps Sadie, my three-year-old, find clothes to wear. It may be rain boots and an old dance costume but my standards are low so I don’t say a word.

As we walk out the door Emma stops in her tracks, “Oh no!! I forgot to put a note in Aubrey’s lunch box!”

“You can see her from your lunch table, just wave at her.”

Sunday we missed church, again. If I’m not traveling then somebody is sick and with three kids it can take a month before everyone is well. Aubrey sat in the sunroom with me, quietly reading while I worked on my laptop. Emma laid sprawled across a chair in a nearby room playing a game on my borrowed cell phone. I opened the door so we could hear the wind in the trees outside. The rustle was so constant it sounded like the ocean. I leaned my head against the sofa and marveled at the peace in my house. I thought about the baby and toddler stages of my children’s lives and realized that part of their lives is over.

But I don’t miss it. I enjoyed those years. I loved them, I savored them. I survived them and I endured them.

But this? This is the good stuff.

Robin O’Bryant is a syndicated humor columnist and stay-at-home-mom to three daughters born within four years. She finally figured out where babies come from and got herself under control. Her first book, “Ketchup is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms

Tell Themselves,” is rated #1 by reader reviews on Amazon in two genres: Humor Essays and Parenting & Families.

Visit her at www.robinschicks.com. Robin’s Chicks to learn helpful tips such as: how to breastfeed behind your back*, how to talk to your daughters about man parts,

and how to write a proper gold fish obituary.

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You might know how to be happy, but can you do it?

Watch a video of any elite athlete or performer before a big game or show, and you will likely see one thing: their pre-performance habits, the things that they do every single time in exactly the same way.

This is because habits are everything. Not just for game-day, and not just for elite performers. Our routines and habits allow us to access a part of our brain that runs on relatively little gas. The newer (in evolutionary terms) part of your brain—your smarty-pants pre-frontal cortex—works pretty well, of course. But it requires effort and willpower to make it tick. The more you use it throughout a day, the less reliable it becomes. Low blood sugar? Your decision-making will falter, whether you realize it or not.

Good thing there is a back-up plan in the older part of your brain: your basal ganglia, a primitive knob of tissue deep in your noggin that acts as your own personal auto-pilot. It controls your breathing, and swallowing, and that weird way that you sometimes drive to work while sort-of unconscious.

Your basal gangla is, among other things, your habit center. And once it is programed, it requires no effort on your part to accomplish truly amazing feats. This means that when we are too tired to think—as we parents often are—we default to our habits. Which made me realize: our habits are our most critical cornerstones for happiness.

I have long advocated finding habits and routines with our children that actually work. A working routine, I believe, doesn’t have to be the most efficient or productive routine; it’s simply one that makes us feel good, or at least it doesn’t make us feel bad.

We need a dinnertime routine that creates feelings of gratitude rather than annoyance, for example, and a morning routine that doesn’t make us want to lay our heads down and cry before we even get the kids to school. We also need bedtime routines for ourselves and our children that don’t leave us exhausted and irritable.

Mindfulness—when we consciously pay attention to what we’re thinking,

by Christine Carter

Habits Are Everything

feeling, and experiencing in the present moment, without judging our thoughts and feelings as “good” or “bad”—is a research-tested way to reduce our stress and, generally, be happier.

How can we be mindful about things we do habitually?Well, consider how we breathe. On the one hand, our breathing is on auto-pilot—we aren’t thinking, “Okay, now I need to breathe in! Now breathe out!” At the same time, though, we can pay attention to our breath as a part of a meditation or another relaxation practice.

So when we make something a habit—say, washing the dishes right after dinner—we don’t need to become mindless about it—we can still pay attention to the way the water feels on our hands, for instance. Habits can make something relatively routine and effortless. In fact, I find it much easier to be mindful about something once it is a habit—once I’m not trying to figure out what I’m going to do, or how I’m going to do it.

So our habits can routinely make us feel grateful, or joyful, or they can prompt us to pay attention and be mindful. But HOW?

I have spent years pondering this question, subjecting my clients and readers to my habit tracker and methods for getting into better routines. A few months ago, I realized that I still wasn’t in certain habits I intended to be in. For example, I wasn’t exercising very consistently; I had to schedule it on my calendar, making it vulnerable to more urgent matters. And so I re-immersed myself in the science of change, and the science of habits. There is compelling new research here to share.

Habits are a critical component of the happiness equation. It is one thing to know what to do to be happy (or to raise happy children, or to create a happy marriage) but it is quite another thing to actually be able to do those things. You know that you should exercise and meditate and eat kale, for example. But do you often do those things? Perhaps the missing piece is a habit.

What habit would you like to kick? What new habit would make you a happier person, or happier parent, or happier spouse?

Christine Carter, Ph.D.*, is a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She is the author of “RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.” She teaches online happiness classes that help parents

bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children, and she writesan award-winning blog for *Greater Good* (www.greatergoodparents.org).

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Christmas tree Lane • 2012

November 15–17, 2012

Palm eveNt CeNter, 1184 viNeyard ave, PleasaNtoN

For advance tickets, complete form and enclose payment to: ValleyCare Charitable Foundation,1111 E. Stanley Blvd., Livermore, CA 94550 • Phone (925) 373-4560 • Fax (925) 373-4117

Family Stroll, Nov. 15, ____ ticket(s) at $15 per adult, ____ ticket(s) at $10 per child

Tinsel Tea, Nov. 16, 10AM – Noon, ____ ticket(s) at $45 per person OR ____ table of 10 at $450

Tinsel Tea, Nov. 16, 2 – 4PM, ____ ticket(s) at $45 per person OR ____ table of 10 at $450

Silent Night Soirée, Nov. 16, ____ ticket(s) at at $90 per person OR ____ table of 10 at $900

Saturday Luncheon, Nov. 17, ____ ticket(s) at at $100 per person OR ____ table of 10 at $1,000

____ I am unable to attend. Enclosed is a contribution.

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Name _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Address ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tel (Cell) ____________________________________________________ Tel (H) _____________________________________________________

Email _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Total $ _______ Card# ____________________________________________ Exp. _____________ Signature ______________________________________________

All proceeds benefit ValleyCare’s Breast Cancer Program and the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

Sponsored by

Family StrollThursday, November 15, 5 to 8pm.This family evening features a visit with Santa Claus, shopping in Santa’s Secret Shoppe, entertainment and kid-friendly refreshments. $15/adult, $10/child

Tinsel TeasFriday, November 16, 10am and 2pm. Embrace Christmas in the City as you partake in high tea, purchase your chance drawing tickets for the beautiful trees and get a jump start on your shopping in the Holiday Gift Boutiques. $45/person

Silent Night SoireeFriday, November 16, 6:30pm. Kick off the holiday season with dining and dancing with friends. Enjoy a gourmet, sit-down, served dinner, bidding on your favorite silent auction basket and shopping in the Holiday Boutiques. $90/person

Silver Bells LuncheonSaturday, November 17, 10:30am-1:30pm. Visit the Merry Gentlemen to purchase tree tickets. Enjoy gourmet holiday fare and entertainment with friends around your table. Be the lucky winner of the stunning china table setting, or your favorite tree. $100/person

For more information, please visit valleycare.com/fundraisingevents

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Active Kids October 2012

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